Present Day

She had him.

Almost.

The sweet little bird Volya had killed in an attempt to intimidate her, or honestly just to upset her because he knew she wasn't that soft-hearted hadn't died in vain because surprisingly, or maybe not, there weren't that many places in Chicago to get a live dove. And all of them were in close enough proximity that she was able to confirm one of Alexei's men had bought it. One of his men's men, likely in the hopes a few degrees of separation would stop her from making the connection. Too bad he didn't understand how determined she was. Too bad he'd decided to double cross her in the first place. She still didn't know where exactly they were hiding Volya but she had it narrowed down now to Alexei's strongholds, a handful of buildings in the most Russian neighbourhoods, some with a lot of security and some with very little. All that was left now was to make a plan.

"I still don't understand why we don't just hit them all at once." Vanessa stated, for the third time and though Tess held back her frustration it was growing more difficult- this was the part she struggled with.

Letting other people take risks for her, with her was bad enough but sharing control?

That was harder than she'd ever thought it would be.

"Because we're trying not to start a war with the Bratva." Jay answered, also for the third time and unlike her he was not hiding his growing aggravation, though he didn't seem to notice any pain he was likely getting from clenching his now injured fist. "If we do this right then Dimitri can handle Alexei the same way the Triad handled Ang Feng. Without putting a bigger target on her."

"Not to mention Alexei probably sees that as a possibility, and is prepared for it. Just because we're not afraid of a fight doesn't mean we should run into one we don't need to." Hailey told her partner, who grumbled but nodded, hopefully at last letting that idea go.

Too bad they didn't have a lot of others.

A heavy breath had her eyes flicking to Voight, watching as he scanned the whiteboard where they'd compiled everything they knew. She hadn't yet taken up Greg's short-lived fight to get the older man on board with using more technology but she was going to have to because while she understood the appeal of paper and pen sometimes it was just too slow. And they hadn't talked about it yet, not directly but they all knew this was just the beginning. And they all knew the difference just a few seconds could make.

"Anything from Liam?" Kev asked and while Tess appreciated the soft smile he gave her, and Aelin she got an uneasy feeling at the subtle worried look he shot Jay.

"His men have pulled back off the streets and are focusing on getting intel- there's not much, everyone already knew Alexei didn't like me so they're trying to sow some discord but they need to be careful. He's not liking it but he knows how important his neutral status is." Everyone nodded along, none of what she'd said was new but her attention kept going back to Jay. "Knox is chomping at the bit to do something, so Drew is keeping him close."

Even that didn't affect his look of stoic rage, his only response a tick of his jaw, his own gaze firmly on the picture of Volya he'd demanded they put up. "We need to draw him out."

No.

No, no, no.

"What are you thinking?" Voight asked, outright ignoring what she hoped came across as only a mildly desperate look, though the ones the rest of the team sent her made it clear they all knew how she felt.

And that while they understood her trepidation, they agreed with him.

"We let him take m-"

"No-"

"It can't be you." Jay said sternly but the care he had for her, the guilt for hurting her was overpowered by his resolve that it was his time to hurt. "I don't care how strong you are, you're still healing and we can't afford for you to get hurt again. We all know he's not going to be the last person who comes after you."

Silence answered him but just because his points were valid didn't make them any easier to accept.

For her anyway.

"He's right." Voight said solemnly and she didn't think she'd ever wanted to hit him so badly. "It can't be you and it's not going to be anyone else but him. We'll be smart about it-"

The way his brows rose told Tess she hadn't held in her laugh but honestly she didn't care to. What about allowing a psychopathic sadist to kidnap him was smart? What about it was right? What was fair? There was a quiet voice in the back of her head that said as horrible as it was it was fair, that for all the times she'd been hurt on his behalf she owed it to him to let him be hurt for her but that voice didn't tell her how to accept that. How to live with it. There was only one person she could ask and now she couldn't even bring herself to look at him.

"Am I the only one who's confused? It's not like we're going to send him in naked."

"That's exactly what's going to happen!" She snapped at Adam, fiercely enough that his hands instantly raised. "The minute Volya gets him he's going to strip him. See his 'canvas'. And he might be cocky but he's not stupid. His clothes will be dumped, anything that could hold a tracker disposed of."

"Then it would be the same if he took you." Jay rebutted and this time she did meet his stare, the challenge in it breaking her restraint.

"First of all, I didn't suggest anyone being taken, and second of all no it would not because I don't need something on me when I have something in me!"

Silence again.

That wasn't something she'd meant to share.

Wasn't something she'd meant to hide either, not forever, just until the right moment.

Which hadn't been this one.

"Since when?" Jay asked, torn between being angry and shocked, and angry he was shocked.

"A few years."

His face hardened, frustrated at himself for not guessing and at her for not telling him. "Then give me one."

"No."

"Tess-"

"Did you hear what I just said? The first thing he will do is strip you. You think he's not going to notice a new wound? You think he won't shove his fingers inside you just to play? What do you think he'll do if he finds it? How are we supposed to find you if he does?"

More silence.

It was vindicating to watch them realize their plan wasn't as foolproof as they'd thought, and crushing to realize that wasn't enough.


Jay was quiet as he watched her move about her lab but she didn't mistake that for relaxation; the car ride here had been fraught with tension, both resolutely not looking at the other, even when Aelin tried to make them. She knew she'd hurt him by not telling him about the device inside her but she honestly hadn't thought it would. He knew she'd always had a habit of keeping her plans to herself and she'd told him, several times in the last few months that it wasn't just for their safety anymore but her own. But he was still pissed. And she knew he had a right to be, but what about her rights?

What about her plans?

What was more important?

Being smart, being right or being fair?

"Were you ever going to tell me?"

For the note of resignation in his voice, she was going to choose the latter. "I don't know. But… if you ever needed to find me, I made it so you'd be able to."

"Through Cas."

"With her. And without her."

"Contingencies." He muttered and she risked flicking her eyes his way, her shoulders curling in when she saw he was doing the same.

Tess hated fighting with him.

But as much as she knew he hated fighting with her, he didn't care to pull his punches this time.

"You can't keep putting me on the bench." He said quietly, but no less sternly. "I have just as much in this fight as you do."

"I never said you didn't."

"Then why don't you ever let me? Why don't you trust me?"

"It's not about trust." She insisted but he didn't seem inclined to believe her. She probably deserved that. "You know what I turned into after losing Lydia. If I lose you-"

"What about what I'll turn into? You think I'm just going to bury my head in the sand again?" He demanded and it shamed her but…

She did wonder.

Losing her the first time had hurt but it hadn't seemed to break him- surely it would be easier for him than it would be for her.

Right?

With a huff that made her shoulders even tighter he stood and it was half a comfort and half another knife that the same shame was in his eyes. "I'm sorry, that you still don't know how much I need you. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to prove it to you. But I'm not backing down. And I'm not taking a backseat. Not ever again."

No. He wouldn't. And it wasn't fair of her to ask him to. Or right. Or probably very smart. She might admire the heroines in her books for all their secretive and delightfully explosive plans but she'd also always felt bad for their partners. Always wanted to be different. She wanted to be better.

With a slow nod Tess made her way back to him, grateful that she forced herself to hold his stare because it meant she got to see his own flare of relief when their fingers automatically twined together. "I love you. And just because I'm scared to lose you doesn't mean I don't want to fight beside you. It doesn't mean I'm not proud to."

"Then we fight."

"We fight."