He'd left. Even knowing how badly she hadn't wanted him to, even knowing that there were other plans that were just as good, that were better, that didn't put him or her or anyone but their enemies in danger… He'd left anyway. And Tess couldn't tell if that surprised her. On the one hand it did, Jay hated upsetting her, vehemently, more often than she liked to admit to his own detriment and he'd been especially careful of her feelings the last few weeks. Even more than he had been since she'd come home which was saying something for an already overly considerate man. But maybe that was part of it. Maybe that was it.
You can't keep putting me on the bench.
The words hadn't hurt initially but the longer she sat with them the more the sentiment felt like a slap in the face and the sting was lingering, phantom twinges that were a reminder of just how much pain he was about to experience. And it didn't help that she was watching him go. As close as she could get to seeing the world through his eyes, his beautiful, beautiful green eyes, unable to stop herself from wondering if Volya would threaten to pop them out the way he had hers. She had told him that, tried to dissuade him by telling him exactly what he could expect but he hadn't cared. It actually seemed like that had strengthened his resolve and though she couldn't see it she had no doubt that hunter gaze was as firm right now as it had been when he'd walked out of her lab without her. Alone. He was alone, the one thing she had never wanted him to be. The one thing she was realizing he always had been, at least from the moments she and Greg had left.
But not for long.
That was the point.
The plan.
It didn't surprise her that whoever was helping Volya wouldn't do anything within the perimeter she'd established around the haven but it did frighten her the speed with which they acted as soon as he was outside those boundaries. And the ferocity. One minute Jay was walking down the mostly silent, empty streets and then six men swarmed out of an alley, conveniently located in a dead spot, and surrounded him and Jay… Jay did nothing. He barely even startled. Just came to a stop and waited. And freaked them the fuck out by doing so. It was almost comical how cautiously they crept forward, two finally lunging to grab his arms before the rest rushed to encircle him, though he still showed no signs of wavering, not even when a cloth was roughly shoved over his nose and mouth and his world went black. They had him, just like he'd wanted.
And now it was on her to find him. Tess had wondered, distantly but methodically, about how she would respond when this happened, over a period of years because she had always known one day it would but never so intently as in the last fifteen minutes. Never such curiosity. Water was her element but everyone referred to her moods as fire and ice, equally as ferocious but there was a clear difference between a glacial and mercurial fury. And she equally enjoyed both. There were times it was a conscious decision but others it was that beast inside her that chose but though it had risen to writhe just beneath her skin it didn't consume her. It waited, not quiet but more patient than it had ever been. A previously unknown but perfect blend of both.
It was a strange feeling but she had time to get accustomed to it on the drive to the Loft, frantic though her driving was, her feet purposefully restless as she waited for the others. She thought it was suspicious how closely they arrived but it wasn't as though it was a secret they were on edge. This was the secret.
"The signal?" Voight asked as they all stepped out of the elevator, Hank, the one after her and Jay who bore the most responsibility for whatever happened next. His relief when she nodded was palpable and her monster happily bared its teeth in response.
"It's active."
Everyone crowded around the tv to watch the blinking green dot but no one sat on the couches, too anxious to allow themselves even the appearance of relaxation, though she did catch each of them taking glances. It wasn't the first time they'd been here but it was the first time they'd been upstairs, a space that was decorated much more personally than the haven, or the boat. And though it was again distant she appreciated having them here, felt oddly soothed by it but as much as she trusted them she wasn't taking them downstairs. Wasn't even going to tell them about it. They hadn't been trained for torture.
Jay had.
He wasn't experiencing it yet but when that little dot suddenly started flickering, and then flared, she received the sharpest stab of fear yet for what he was about to.
"What was that?" Hailey asked, more focused on the screen than even Hank who stood at her other side.
It took a second to answer her, that fear had taken hold of her throat but she was used to overpowering it. "The flare means they found one of the trackers."
"And the flicker?"
"Means they've taken him underground."
Six inhales filled the otherwise silent room before the woman who loved him nearly as much as she did spoke again. "How far is your range?"
"If they go twenty feet deeper we'll lose him."
"What if they pop up somewhere outside the city?" Adam asked quietly and she realized she'd underestimated the trust they had in her that they'd let them do this without any prior reassurances.
Had it only been last night they'd been watching her be tortured?
"It'll work anywhere in the world. Above ground."
Again six subtle but heavy sighs of wary relief answered her but it wasn't until his signal's elevation increased, still underground but not quite as deep that she let herself take one and even then it came out as a scoff. Because he was in Alexei's stronghold, in the heart of Little Russia. Not all that far from where Leonid and his men, boys, had been killed.
The lying little shit.
They waited a minute to make sure it didn't move again, which it didn't, and then she felt more than saw Voight turn to her. "What now?"
"We go get him."
It didn't take long to make a plan, it wasn't that different from some of the ones she'd suggested to Jay, the only difference was that he wouldn't be breaching with them. And that she didn't have her entry point yet. Cas was gathering all the data she'd need and she'd already packed everything she would or could need, it was just a waiting game now.
Her least favourite pastime.
Second least because being a spectator was the absolute worst.
"What is that?"
Her phone was down at her side before she could wonder how she hadn't noticed Hailey getting so close to her side, what she was sure was the reason behind the other woman's half smile. But she was clearly more interested in why the screen was pressed so tightly against her leg. Satisfied that while the others were sneaking glances at them, her, they didn't seem to have heard her question Tess slowly showed her the screen, though her quiet but still horrified gasp made her wonder if she should have.
"Contact lenses?" Hailey asked hoarsely and when she nodded she hoped the other woman could see her admiration; she might be feeling sick right now watching a man she cared about being tortured but that didn't mean her instincts turned off.
Plus, they couldn't really see much.
Right now it was just Volya grinning as he waved around a knife, though the blood dripping off it made it clear it was in use. How much she wasn't sure because Jay wasn't looking at himself, likely on purpose because he knew she'd be watching but the way the feed got smaller around the edges told her he was glaring. Alternating with being sarcastic based on the way Volya soon matched his expression, before he struck him across the face.
"Put it away."
"I'm sorry-"
"For you too." Hailey said firmly, definitely feeling sick but not letting that affect her. "You don't need to see that."
"He did."
She sighed but nodded, quiet before she gently took her arm. "Then watch it after. It's not going to do you any good now."
No, she supposed it wouldn't.
It felt… It felt like habit to think it would, that it was a penance she needed to pay, deserved to but watching someone she loved follow the same thinking was a good way to change your mind. What would serve her now, her and Jay was doing what he'd said. What she used to. Live, love, fight and ache. And repeat.
To whatever end.
Because while this morning was going to be a bloody one that saw a lot of lives lost, they weren't going to be among that number.
They were going to win.
