Present Day

He hated his face. He hadn't really known what to picture, he'd been fairly sure the one-eyed, ogre looking man he'd been imagining wasn't going to be accurate, though he did have a few jagged scars on his face and neck. None of which had been given to him by Tess which really pissed him off, though she didn't seem bothered. Sure wasn't staring at him with the intensity he was. Wasn't even looking at him at all and yet Jay couldn't tear his eyes away. He was about as big as he'd thought, just a bit leaner than Kevin which made him glad for all the sparring he'd done with him and John. His brown hair and eyes were more nondescript than he might have thought too but when Cas had printed off the photo he'd asked for it was somehow exactly what he'd been expecting. The cruelty in his wicked smirk, the enjoyment and amusement in his gaze that the people in the square were giving him such a wide berth… That was the man he'd been picturing. The villain. Not the main one, but one who's face he just as equally wanted to beat in.

And he wasn't the only one.

"I still don't understand why we don't just hit them all at once."

"Because we're trying not to start a war with the Bratva." He told Vanessa, for the third time now which was starting to piss him off- no one wanted this asshole dead more than he did but that didn't mean they could rush into things.

They needed a plan, and he had one.

He just hadn't shared it yet.

"If we do this right then Dimitri can handle Alexei the same way the Triad handled Ang Feng. Without putting a bigger target on her."

"Not to mention Alexei probably sees that as a possibility, and is prepared for it. Just because we're not afraid of a fight doesn't mean we should run into one we don't need to." Hailey added but while he was grateful her partner listened to her he couldn't help wondering how long she'd be on his side.

How long any of them would.

"Anything from Liam?" Kevin asked Tess and again while it made him feel better to see the smile they shared it was undercut by how nonchalantly his girlfriend was handling this. And he didn't think this was just her mask. This was just her being used to be targeted.

And that pissed him off even more, so much he tuned out of what she was saying until she mentioned Knox. "-Drew is keeping him close."

Good.

If Elliot knew what he was planning there was no way he wouldn't try to get involved and that was the last thing he wanted. The second last. And what he did want…

No one else might agree but he was willing to fight them on it.

"We need to draw him out."

As he'd expected Tess sucked in a deep breath, everyone else straightening but the outrage he'd thought would come didn't. In fact Voight looked like he'd been waiting for him to make this suggestion.

"What are you thinking?"

"We let him take m-"

"No-"

"It can't be you." He cut Tess off sharper than he normally would have, and the fear in her eyes cut him, deeply. But not enough to change his mind. "I don't care how strong you are, you're still healing and we can't afford for you to get hurt again. We all know he's not going to be the last person who comes after you."

But that didn't mean it didn't also cut when she turned her face away from his.

He knew it probably cut her too, but did it hurt her to keep sidelining him?

Did she know how much that hurt him?

Voight could clearly tell but then he'd always let Jay take the risks he needed to. "He's right. It can't be you and it's not going to be anyone else but him. We'll be smart about it-"

Once upon a time the harsh laugh she let out would've been a sound he never could have believed her capable of making but he'd heard it enough that he knew it was just as much a part of her as her twinkling one. Just instead of showing her joy it showed her fear and frustration.

"Am I the only one who's confused? It's not like we're going to send him in naked." Adam said slowly but she just shook her head, the arms she'd folded over each other not staying there for long.

"That's exactly what's going to happen! The minute Volya gets him he's going to strip him. See his 'canvas'. And he might be cocky but he's not stupid. His clothes will be dumped, anything that could hold a tracker disposed of."

Those were fair points.

And it wasn't like he was looking forward to seeing what the enforcer could do to him, would do to him but it was better than him doing it to her.

It was his turn to bleed.

"Then it would be the same if he took you."

She let out another bitter laugh and finally met his stare but as fierce as her own was he knew it was her panic that was driving her. "First of all, I didn't suggest anyone being taken, and second of all no it would not because I don't need something on me when I have something in me!"

I have something in me.

Of course she did.

He'd wondered, wasn't much he didn't wonder about anymore but Jay didn't know if he was more upset at her or himself for not confirming it.

"Since when?"

"A few years." She replied after a moment, everyone else taking subtle, for them, steps back as they pretended to look away.

"Then give me one."

"No."

"Tess-"

"Did you hear what I just said?" She shouted and much as he wanted to meet her when she charged forward he stayed still, a battle of wills he was determined to win. "The first thing he will do is strip you. You think he's not going to notice a new wound? You think he won't shove his fingers inside you just to play? What do you think he'll do if he finds it? How are we supposed to find you if he does?"

He didn't have an answer for that.

Didn't have anything in his head except for the image of his fingers caressing her spine, his nails pinching the discs between her vertebrae before he started carving them. He didn't know if that had happened, didn't think it had but he quickly realized it didn't matter. Because it could have. Because she'd spent fifteen years being beaten and burned, sliced and diced and damn near dissected and he couldn't stop that from ever happening again but he could stop it this time.

And whether she liked it or not he was going to.


He hated when they fought.

It went against every instinct he had, except for the one that did like to fight her but even that one felt unsettled right now. He'd spent the drive back to the haven debating whether there were other plans that were better and he might be biased but he was confident this was the best they had, and not just because it kept her safe. Or because it satisfied his, privately admitted twisted belief that in order to properly atone for pain he'd put her through he had to experience as much of it himself as he could.

But now they were both hurting and maybe they couldn't solve everything right now but they couldn't leave things like this either. Not with what lay ahead.

"Were you ever going to tell me?"

Tess stilled where she was putting her equipment away before giving her head a small shake that had his heart instantly sinking, though it was quick to lift.

A little.

"I don't know. But… if you ever needed to find me, I made it so you'd be able to."

"Through Cas."

"With her. And without her." She said quietly but she still wasn't looking at him which was a blessing because he couldn't hide his flare of frustration.

Contingencies.

Tess always had a plan, and a backup plan, and a backup plan for the backup plan.

He just hated that she kept most of them to herself.

"You can't keep putting me on the bench. I have just as much in this fight as you do."

That got her to turn around, so offended Jay didn't know if he wanted to laugh, cry or scream. "I never said you didn't."

"Then why don't you ever let me? Why don't you trust me?"

"It's not about trust. You know what I turned into after losing Lydia. If I lose you-"

"What about what I'll turn into? You think I'm just going to bury my head in the sand again?"

She did.

Maybe she didn't think he would do nothing, but she didn't think the loss would be as devasting and that… That was his fault. That was his biggest regret and his greatest shame and he didn't know if he would ever be at peace with it. But the only way he knew to try was to draw and hold his own line.

The way she'd taught him.

"I'm sorry, that you still don't know how much I need you. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to prove it to you. But I'm not backing down. And I'm not taking a backseat. Not ever again."

When her eyes closed he knew she was accepting it, maybe even appreciated it a little, a feeling he hoped would grow in time. One he knew would. They always grew together.

"I love you." Tess whispered, the tension in both of them easing when they took each others hands. "And just because I'm scared to lose you doesn't mean I don't want to fight beside you. It doesn't mean I'm not proud to."

That was all he wanted. For her to be proud of him.

To be proud of himself.

For them to live and fight and die beside each other.

"Then we fight."

"We fight."