A/N its been a little bit but i am going to try to finish this up. I just quit my very hostile job so i have some newfound time on my hands until i can find something else. So yeah. Hope you enjoy.

It has been six months since I found out about vampires. Carlisle has been teaching me more about vampires. I graduated high school, better late than never. I moved in with Carlisle right after. I am truly in love, a love most people will never feel.

Most people probably would be scared but somehow this feels normal. I wouldn't want it anyway else. It feels so hard to even be separated from him for a short time.

It is almost my birthday. I'll be 20, only three years younger than him. I don't know if I'm ready to make that commitment to him yet, but I know he probably wouldn't want me to be too much older than him either. I know we are talking about years but that probably goes away like nothing when you have enerity.

"What's wrong" suddenly I snap back into reality. We were curled up on the couch.

"Oh nothing just lost in my thoughts"

"Anything you want to talk about"

"Not that I want to but we will have to eventually"

"Is it about what I think"

"Probably…" I paused

"Maybe it's because I come from a broken home. I'm head over heels for you. Forever just seems like a big commitment but I'm just catching up to in with physical age. I know there's still a few years until we actually meet in that department but I know time will disappear. It'll go by fast…"

"But I also know you said vampire only have one mate. So without me you'll be incomplete forever"

"Yes I would. This life isn't something I wanted. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I wouldn't force this on you unless it's really what you want"

"I can overlook everything about it to be with you I just don't think I want it now. At the same time I want us to appear as close to the same age"

"You've been thinking about this alot haven't you"

"Yeah"

" You know you don't have to think about this"

"I don't think avoiding the topic helps"

"At least you get a choice in the matter" he smiled at me saying this

"Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to"

"It's okay I know you didn't mean it like that."

"I don't want you to alone anymore. I'm just scared. I know I will overcome it. Right now if something were to happen where I wouldn't make it or a slow, painful recovery you can do it. I know it's unlikely but I don't want you to feel guilty for saving me"

"Okay" he said and kissed my head