Song:

"Hold My Hand," Lady Gaga


Chapter 35

"I thought I told you to watch your six." Jasper's teasing smile should loosen some of the tension in my shoulders as he and Alice walk into the already crowded living room.

But instead, a flash of anxiety fills my chest, and for a moment, I worry it's too much. That their delayed arrival will be what sends Edward over the proverbial edge, but my husband's returning grin instantly puts that fear to rest.

"Guess I coulda used you as a wingman, Tex." Edward holds out his hand for Jasper to grip. "Might have had a completely different outcome."

Jasper leans over to wrap an arm around my husband and murmurs, "It's good to have you home, Vamp." A lump forms in my throat, and I have to turn away.

"How are you holding up?" Alice asks as she slides an arm around me and squeezes my waist. "You look like you could use a nap."

I snort a sardonic laugh and slip out of her grasp to walk toward the only empty room in the house—the kitchen. "That's an understatement. I haven't had a decent night's sleep since … I can't even remember. Definitely not the last few weeks. Maybe even before he left."

"Maybe we shouldn't have come. We could have waited to—"

"No, it's fine." I heave a sigh, looking at the pizza-box-covered counter before meeting her worried gaze. "He wants to see you and Jasper. I think the company is a good thing. He really missed everyone."

As happy as we are to finally be home, today hasn't been easy.

When we arrived at the airport in Phoenix, exhausted and ready to be home, Edward insisted on walking once we reached the TSA boundary. While I pushed our bags in his vacated wheelchair, he used his crutches to walk the final distance to those waiting on the other side.

An overjoyed crowd of friends and family—not to mention a few local reporters—was there to greet us, and it warmed my heart. But the two beaming faces at the front of the crowd were the ones Edward and I couldn't wait to see. Jacob and Seth, flanked by my parents and Edward's, held signs welcoming Edward home. While everyone around us cheered and whistled, it was the quiet embrace of the three of them that I know meant the most to my husband. It was exactly the welcome home he needed. And even though all we wanted to do was curl up in our bed and relax, everyone but the reporters followed us home.

The subdued celebration has been going on ever since.

"Regardless, we won't stay long." Alice steps to my side and rubs her hand over my back. "You need some time to reconnect. I can't imagine how it's been for you."

"It's been …" I breathe in slowly and exhale. Memories of the long and emotional nights we've had since I got to Germany flash through my mind. Edward wanted me close to him, but he was in too much pain from his injuries to reconnect like we both wanted. The nights when his pain was so great he struggled to fight back tears were especially brutal. With those memories fresh in my mind, I give Alice a small smile. "Some days it felt like we'd never get here, but we're finally home. It's the only thing I asked for, and now we have it. The rest will work itself out." I blow out a breath. "Speaking of work—"

"Nope." She holds up her hand, halting me from saying another word. "You're on temporary leave until further notice."

"But—"

"Bella, please don't argue with me. You need to be here with your husband. And as much as I love seeing your smiling face every day at the store, I don't want to see it there for a while. He needs you. You need to be here with him. Okay?"

"Okay," I reply softly. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it." She lowers her voice. "So, how has he been?"

I shrug, leaning back against the counter and crossing my arms over my chest. "He's still in pain … frustrated that he can't move like he wants to. He's having nightmares, which I think I expected, but it's still hard to watch him go through that."

"All of that will get better with time."

"That's what the doctors said, but …"

"When does he start therapy?"

"Tomorrow morning, actually."

"That's good. The sooner he starts, the better. And I don't want to sound negative, but it's possible he'll struggle with the nightmares for a long time."

I nod once, sharply. "I know, but I'm just happy to have him back." My whispered words are brittle, and for a brief moment, I lose my grip on my tethered emotions. "I don't know what I would have done if—"

My carefully yet weakly constructed dam cracks just enough that a sob escapes my chest, and Alice is at my side in a flash with her arms around me.

"Shh. Everything's going to be okay. He's home. He's safe. And like you said, everything else will work itself out."

"I'm just so … ugh." I swipe at angrily at my cheeks. "I don't know why I'm still crying. I shouldn't be crying anymore."

She cradles my cheeks in her hands and smiles through misty eyes. "Honey, you've been on an emotional rollercoaster for weeks. It's completely natural for you to be a jumbled mess inside."

"She's right, you know."

Alice and I turn toward the voice and see my mother standing in the doorway.

"You just got home, sweetheart. Give yourself a few days to settle in." She steps farther into the kitchen and takes my hand. "And in the meantime, we're all here to help."

"Thanks, Mom." Her hug soothes a part of me that I didn't know needed comforting—the little girl who still needs her mother.

"I love you, Bella." She sways us back and forth and tightens her hold on me. "You've both been through so much. Give it time. Every day will be better. You'll see."

"I know, but it's hard."

"It is. And it may be for a while. But listen to me. These days … the days that are so hard you want to go hide in your bed and pretend the world outside doesn't exist? They'll pass. The clouds might not clear tomorrow, but tomorrow will be brighter, even if only a little brighter, than today. I promise."

I nod against her shoulder and whisper, "I hope so."

When she releases me, I sweep the lingering tears from my cheeks and blow out a cleansing breath. "Thanks, guys."

"Hey, everyone needs a pep talk once in a while." Alice grabs my hand and squeezes. "Now, how about we clean up this mess then go out there and see how our resident hero is holding up?"

Once the kitchen is back in order, we step back into the living room. It only takes one look at my husband—with his mother hovering on one side of his chair and the boys standing on the other—to see he's fading fast. I'm about to politely ask everyone to go home, but someone else beats me to it.

Mom walks straight to Edward and leans in for a hug. "It's so good to have you home, Edward."

"It's good to be home," he murmurs with a tired smile.

She releases him but takes his hand between both of hers. "We're going to head out, but if you need anything at all, please let us know."

He smiles up at her. "I will."

Everyone else gets the hint and says goodbye to Edward and me before slipping out the door. Esme is reluctant to leave, but after Carlisle promises her they'll return after Edward's appointments tomorrow, she relents. I close the door behind them and lean against it.

My eyes fall closed and I take a few deep breaths, relishing the momentary silence. It isn't until I hear the soft voices of Jacob and Seth that I open my eyes and return to the living room. What I see when I get there makes me smile.

Quietly, they fuss over Edward, bringing him a fresh drink and making sure he has anything else he might need. But the events of the day have clearly taken their toll, and my husband has lost his fight to keep his eyes open.

"How about a movie, guys?" I ask, gaining my sons' attention.

Jacob answers with a quick, "Sure."

"Yeah, okay." Seth turns to Edward. "What do you want to watch?"

He smiles and opens his eyes just enough. "Whatever you guys want. I think I'm going to take a nap."

By the time Jacob and Seth agree on a movie, I've popped popcorn and poured drinks … and Edward is out cold.

"Should we wait?" Seth whispers, glancing at Edward. "We don't want to wake him up."

"It's fine. He'll sleep through it."

I curl up in the corner of the sofa, sitting as close as I can get to Edward's recliner. Jacob and Seth sit on the floor at his feet. And as I reach for the remote, I feel the brush of Edward's hand on mine.

Just that small gesture—reaching for me in his sleep—fills me with an unnamed emotion. It's love, happiness, and contentment all rolled into one. My family is back together, and everything feels right in my world. I know we have a long road to travel. Edward has therapy to go through, speaking engagements to eventually fulfill, and one day he'll get back in the cockpit. But in this moment, none of that matters. The only thing that matters is that we're finally together. My heart is so full that I fear it may burst.

So, for this moment, I take it all in and smile.

We're home.


"I wish you'd have let Tex and Emmett move our bed downstairs."

"That's ridiculous." Edward pants, gripping the handrail and his crutch as he takes another careful step up the staircase. "I want to sleep in my own bed"—he looks over his shoulder and narrows his eyes just a little—"with my wife."

I blow out a breath. "I'm just worried."

"I'm fine." He manages another step. "I have to do this, Bella. I need to do this."

I don't say another word. I merely give my silent support in the form of a hand on his back to steady him. Honestly, if he were to lose his balance and fall, he'd probably take us both down and injure himself all over again. So, when he reaches the top of the stairs, I breathe a sigh of relief.

"See," he says, still slightly out of breath, "I told you it would be fine."

I smile into a kiss, mumbling against his lips. "Stubborn."

His returning grin makes his green eyes sparkle. "Admit it. It's one of the reasons you love me."

"Just one of many."

We make our way slowly down the hallway, but when we reach the boys' room, Edward stops and looks my way. "Do you mind if I talk to them a few minutes?"

"Of course not."

With a determined inhale, he steps into their room, and instantly, their faces light up.

Deciding they could use a few moments of privacy, I make myself scarce and head toward our bedroom. After grabbing a fresh t-shirt for Edward and a pajamas for myself , I turn down the bed and fluff our numerous pillows. During the time we spent in Germany, I quickly realized it took quite a few to make Edward comfortable, so our bed is covered in them. I double check his medication list and go back downstairs to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water.

As I pass by Jacob and Seth's room again, I slow my steps, hearing tearful voices. I pause outside their door to make sure they're okay.

"I'm so sorry, boys." Edward sniffs. "I'm sorry you were so scared. I never wanted you to be worried about me."

The pain in my husband's voice draws me closer. When I peek into the room, my breath catches in my throat.

The three people I love most in the world are wrapped around each other, clinging to one another as tears stream down their faces.

"But thinking about you and your mom kept me going. It pushed me to fight every day I was out there." Edward's eyes open and meet mine over Seth's head. "The three of you are what brought me home."

The sight squeezes my heart, and every instinct inside me is to go to them, to gather them all up in my arms and never let them go. But I know the boys need this moment with him. Edward needs this moment with them.

So, instead of intruding on their time together, I mouth, "I love you," and quietly step away from the door.

When I make it to our room and sit on the edge of our bed, the floodgates open. For the days we didn't know if Edward was dead or alive. For the days the boys cried and asked why. For the days I bartered with God to bring him home. And for knowing how close we came to not having the chance to tell him again how much we love him, I cry.

I'm so lost in my thoughts that I don't hear Edward hobble into our room. His gentle touch on my cheek brings me back.

"No, don't cry, baby." He leans down and kisses my forehead. "Like I told the boys, we have no reasons to cry anymore. We're all together now."

Carefully, so as not to knock him over, I stand and wrap my arms around his brace-wrapped middle, drawing him close and burying my nose in his chest. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," he murmurs against the top of my head. "More than you could possibly know."

"I think I have a pretty good idea." I look up at him and meet his tired eyes. "Come on, let's get you into bed."

After giving him a dose of pain medication, and with some creative maneuvering, we manage to get him into bed and position the mountain of pillows so he's comfortable.

"Thank you. Now," he says, opening his arms and beckoning me to him, "come here."

For the first time in too many months, I crawl into our bed beside my husband and lay my head on his chest. "Do you need anything?"

"Not a thing. I have everything I need right here." Again, he kisses the top of my head, and what feels like mere seconds later, his breathing slows and his muscles relax.

I lift my head from his chest to look at him. It may not be the passionate night of reconnecting I envisioned months ago when he left, but he's here in my arms and that's all I wanted. Every one of my prayers has been answered, and I'm fairly certain I'll spend the rest of my life thanking God for bringing him back to me.

With that thought on my mind and a smile on my face, I reach over and turn off the bedside lamp, hopeful that we have a peaceful night.

But our first night at home is anything but peaceful. Between Edward's nightmares and the pain from such an arduous day, we only get a few hours of sleep. At times, it feels like I'm up with a newborn again, except the person I'm caring for is my middle-aged husband. It isn't until the dark skies beyond our window begin to lighten that Edward finally sinks into a deep and restful sleep. And simply because I can, I curl against his side and drift off, too.

Hours later, accompanied by noisy clang and clatter from my kitchen, Jacob and Seth's voices float upstairs.

"What do you think they're doing?"

I tilt my head back to meet my husband's sleepy eyes. "If I had to guess, I'd say they're making breakfast."

Tightening his grip on my waist, he pulls me closer and breathes deeply. "God, I've missed this."

"Missed what, exactly?"

"This. Them. Us. Home."

I kiss the underside of his jaw and whisper, "Me, too."

His hand drifts down to the space between my t-shirt and sleep shorts. As his fingertips softly glide over my skin, the warmth of his touch seeps into my veins, spreading through my body until it sparks a fire in my belly that we've had to suppress—even flat out ignore—for weeks. I can't help but flex my hips to inch closer to him.

He exhales a heavy breath and pulls his hand out from under my shirt. "Sorry."

"Don't be." I reach up and trace along his jaw, turning his head far enough to kiss him. "I feel it, too."

"I … it's …" He huffs a grunt of frustration.

I kiss him again. "I know. Soon, Edward. Give yourself time to heal. I'm not going anywhere."

Once more, his lips meet mine, but before we can get too carried away, the boys knock on the door and open it. They each hold a tray; one overflowing with muffins and the other with bowls of cereal.

"Good morning!" Seth says with bright eyes. "We made breakfast!"


"That's good, Edward. Let's do ten more reps," Jeff, the physical therapist, says as he watches over my husband's progress.

Watching Edward work through his first physical therapy session is torturous. He grits his teeth and pushes through the pain, and his frustration when he can't move the way they want him to is evident in the way he locks his jaw. It's all I can do to stay silent rather than insist they leave him alone and let him go home.

Sweat beads on Edward's forehead, and his focus is on the final stretch of the set he's been asked to do.

"Good, good," Jeff says, handing Edward a bottle of water. "How about you take a breather while I set up the next station?"

"Sure," Edward says, tipping the bottle back and gulping half of it.

When Jeff steps away, I reach over and place a hand on Edward's knee. "How are you feeling?"

Pursing his lips, he looks at me with a pointed gaze. "I've been better."

He glances over where Jeff is arranging yet another torture device meant to strengthen Edward's fractured back. "And just think, I get to do this twice a week for God knows how long. I can't wait until they add the therapy for my ankle." Sarcasm still lingers in his tired eyes when he turns back to me. "Lucky me."

"Hey," I say, grasping his hand. "Remember what Jeff said. The first few sessions are the hardest. Before long, you'll be doing sit-ups and rowing exercises and adding resistance training again. You'll be back to your old self before you know it."

"Ready?" Jeff asks, slapping his hands together as he approaches. "Let's get started on some abdominal exercises."

By the time we leave, Edward is exhausted and sore. His first session has taken a lot out of him, and I know without asking that he wants to go home and take a pain pill and a nice long nap. But when we pull up to the curb in front of the townhouse, I fear the nap isn't going to happen any time soon.

Esme and Carlisle are waiting for us.

At Edward's subtle groan, I reach over and grab his hand. "I'm sure they'll understand if you need to rest a while."

I hardly have time to shift the car into park before my mother-in-law whips open the passenger door.

"How are you this bright and beautiful afternoon?" she asks with a wide smile.

Edward forces a smile for his mother. "Tired, Mom."

"Oh, of course, you are. Here," she says, opening the rear passenger door, "let me get your crutches for you."

While Esme fumbles with the crutches, I lean over and kiss his cheek. "Let's get you inside and comfortable so you can take that nap before the boys get home from school."

"But Mom and Dad—"

"Will understand."

"Okay," Esme says, holding the crutches steady, "here you go. Careful now."

"They'll understand." I lean past him and tilt my head so I can see Esme. "Wait for me to come around and help. We still need to make sure he doesn't twist his torso."

Edward's therapy is no walk in the park. The physical therapy is grueling, and he comes home physically spent after each session. But pain and exhaustion are problems we can solve. Medication and sleep work wonders. The visits with the psychologist are almost more difficult. When he leaves those appointments, he's withdrawn and introspective, and the vacant look in his eyes lingers far too long.

But on this evening, after we've returned home, after dinner and cleanup and the kids have gone to bed, he's especially quiet beside me on the sofa.

"How did things go today?" I ask just like I do every evening after he's had a session with Dr. Randall.

"Fine," he replies softly, his eyes trained on our joined hands. "I just have a lot on my mind tonight."

"Want to talk about it?"

Watching his fingertip trail over my knuckles, he tilts his head. "I do, but I'm not sure how to broach the subject."

"Is it bad? Do you think I'll be upset?"

"No, it's not bad. I don't think so, anyway. But I'm not sure how you'll take it."

I take a slow breath and let it out before softly suggesting, "You won't know until you tell me."

"Dr. Randall and I talked about … a lot of things today."

"Like what?"

"Like, for starters, the guilt I'm still carrying around about what happened."

"Edward, you shouldn't—"

"But I do." He finally looks up at me. "I probably always will to some degree. And every time I close my eyes to sleep my mind replays the ejection, the fear I felt the whole time I was on the ground. Not to mention the nights I can see you and the boys there with me. It's no wonder I'm still having nightmares. Between knowing what I put you all through and just being over there …" He squeezes his eyes closed. "I'm a little more messed up over all of it than I thought I was at first."

I run my fingertips over his troubled brow and his eyes flutter open. "And that's why you're seeing Dr. Randall, so he can help you work through it all. It's gonna take time." I place a gentle kiss on his lips. "Now, what else did you talk about, because I have a feeling that's the part you're reluctant to tell me?"

He smiles and a small chuckle rumbles in his chest. "And you would be right." He sighs before bringing my hand to his lips to kiss my knuckles. "We talked about what's next for me."

"What's next?"

"Yeah. After I'm healed. After I've learned how to deal with the flashbacks, the guilt eating me up from the inside out. He asked me what I wanted to do when I'm on the other side of this."

My stomach tightens. It's a question I've asked myself a hundred times since he got home, but I've been too afraid to ask him.

I lick my lips and whisper, "What did you tell him?"

He takes a deep breath and blows it out, his words catching a ride on his exhale. "I told him I can't see myself doing anything else but flying." His gaze drops back to our joined hands. "But then I think about what I'd be asking of you and the boys, and I'm not sure that's fair. I've already put you all through so much, and—"

I place a finger over his lips and he looks at me. "Is it really what you want to do?"

"Other than you and the boys and expanding our family one day soon, there isn't much else I want out of life. It's all I know. It's all I've ever wanted to do since I was a little boy, and I don't know if I can give it up."

Knowing now what can happen, how horribly it can go wrong, admitting the truth is difficult. But when I look into his eyes and see the vulnerable man before me, asking if I'm okay with him still following his dream, I don't have it in me to deny him.

So, with a heavy but willing heart, I smile at him and give him the only answer there is. "Then you shouldn't have to. If it's what you really want, I won't stand in your way or ask you to change your path. If you see yourself back in the clouds, I can only promise I'll be here on the ground waiting for you."


On the nights when the nightmares edge into his subconscious, I hold him a little tighter and remind him that I'm by his side in any way he needs me … that I'll always be by his side.

In the beginning, it does little to help. The nightmares still come, and he still cries out in his sleep.

But as each week passes, he's a little stronger physically, in a little less pain, and each night, the stretches of peaceful sleep grow a little longer.

Mom was right. The clouds don't clear all at once, but each day is just a little brighter.


A/N: He's finally home and finding his way. I think brighter skies are just over the horizon for them. I can't wait to hear what you all have to say!

Our motorcycle camping trip was a success, if not a bit soggy here and there. We were able to put in miles every day and got to see some beautiful parts of West Virginia, despite the turbulent weather. But other areas weren't so lucky. It's devastating to see the damage hurricane Helene did to not just the coastal areas where it directly hit, but also inland where no one expected that kind of catastrophic damage. My husband and I have always been drawn to that region of the country—the mountains of TN and NC—and we visit often, so it's especially heartbreaking to see so many people suffering the aftermath of the storm. My heart goes out to all those affected and you'll all be in my thoughts as you rebuild. Xo. I also encourage any of you who are interested to donate to any charities who are actively supporting the affected areas.

We have just one more regular chapter and an epilogue to go, so we're nearing the end, my friends! I'll be sad to see it end, but considering there was a point in time that I doubted this story would ever be completed, it feels good to see the end in sight. Side note; I'm considering hosting a video chat in my FB group when this story is complete. If there's any interest in that, let me know.

Remember, the best way to stay up to date with what I'm up to, join in the discussion, and to see exclusive teaser pics, check out my Facebook group, Sunshine Fics. I'd love if you all could join us. And for those who are having a hard time finding the group, I'm not sure what the issue could be. It should come up in a Facebook search, especially if you click on groups under the search function. If not, shoot me a PM and I'll see if I can work out what the issue is. FFN doesn't like outside links, but you could also try using this after removing the spaces. https: . com/groups/ 1739086053085361/?ref= share _group _link

I will "see" you soon!

Be kind.
Stay safe.
Stay well.

Lots of love
~Sunshine