"I wish you'd leave me alone, Joe."

"I wish I could."

"You could."

Joe did not have a paper that day so he just leaned back on a chair and closed his eyes. For some reason Jamie found this maddening and Joe knew it.

"You don't have to keep shoving food down my mouth like I'm a new-born lamb!"

"Jamie, believe me, we have better things to do with our leisure time. The minute you start eating like a non-crazy person is the minute we stop."

"And it's always the same. Broth."

"It's the only thing we can get down you. Solids would be too difficult. You've already chewed at our fingers. I ain't risking my entire hand."

For the first time Jamie laughed. Joe opened his eyes, surprised, just in time to see the boy's face freeze into its hateful glare once more. It had only been a moment. He had forgotten himself. Another victory, the young man thought.

"I still don't understand." Joe tipped his head back once more. "I said, I still don't understand!"

"Hm."

"Well, don't you want to know what?"

"You'll tell me."

"You're so sure of yourself, aren't you?"

"Alright, Jamie, I'll play. What don't you understand?"

"Why you're bothering. You and your brother and...and that father of yours." Hatred prevented him from even saying Ben's name.

Joe sighed, wondering how to handle it. He was well aware Jamie was talking only to him and wondered why that was. It was almost as if the boy needed that connection, if only to rant and fume. Joe was silent for a few moments. "You really don't know?"

"No, I don't!"

"Because we don't want you dead, that's why. As much as you tried to lose your life, we're equally adamant you're not gonna chuck it away."

"But why do you care? I'm nothing to you, less than a stranger."

"You think we wouldn't do this for a stranger?"

"Why should you?"

"Because every person's life is worth something."

"Not mine."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because...oh, it doesn't matter."

Stretching out again. "Of course your life matters, Jamie. As much as mine, Hoss's, Pa's..."

"Pa's!" Jamie spat out the word.

"You know, if you were reasonable he and you'd get on fine."

"Why should I be when he's not? Anyway, what makes you think I want to get on with him?"

"Maybe you don't. But it'd sure make it a heck of a lot easier around here."

"Sorry to be such a nuisance!"

"That's OK," Joe said, ignoring his obvious sarcasm.

"There's one easy way to end it. Kick me out the door. Let me fend for myself. I'd never darken your home again, you could be sure of that."

"Oh, here we go again. There's that self-pity again!"

"I hate - "

"Yeah, I know, you hate me. I've heard it all before. Where would you go? How would you live?"

"Why do you care?"

"Why do you think we've sat with you all these days? Forced you to eat? You think we do it because we don't care?"

"Because it'd be too much of a headache if I died, that's why. It'd be inconvenient for you. You'd have too much explaining to do."

"And that's why you did it, isn't it? Tried to starve yourself? To get us into trouble?"

"It - " Jamie stopped himself. He was furiously picking threads of cotton off his comforter. "Oh, what does it matter? Nothing matters any more. I wish...I wish you had let me go. I do truly. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be anywhere." He drew his knees up to his chest and held onto them with his arms. He leaned his head over them and shook. The sobs racked his body painfully. "I wish you'd let me die, hear me? Why didn't you let me? I wish I was dead!"

Joe said nothing. He sat on the bed and put his arms around the sobbing bundle of hate. Jamie struggled. "Get off me! Don't touch me!"

He ignored him and held onto him as he fought. Gradually the sorrow overpowered the rage and Jamie wept in his cousin's arms.