Standing in front of Brittany, Santana starts to unbutton her coat. "Let's get into pajamas and go to bed, okay?" Brittany nods and, as gently as she can, Santana takes off her coat and shirt, then gestures to her bra. Brittany nods again, so Santana unhooks it and slides it down Brittany's arms. "You're okay, baby. I'll take care of you," Santana whispers.
Brittany reaches up to try and help undress Santana, but her hands are shaking. Overwhelmed by everything that happened tonight and having Santana so close again, she's turning into a shaking, crying mess. Santana helps Brittany remove the articles of clothing covering her own torso, then looks up. As her eyes meet tear-filled blue ones, Brittany just collapses in her arms, deep sobs racking her body. Santana holds Brittany tightly to her, fighting her own tears, desperately trying to be strong even though the feeling and sound of Brittany crying so hard is ripping her heart apart.
After a few minutes, Brittany starts to feel something other than sadness. It feels like need. She needs Santana as physically and emotionally close to her as possible. Twisting her face up, Brittany places a teary kiss against Santana's lips, then gradually deepens it. She needs more. "I need you."
"Wha—"
"Please. I need you closer. I need to feel you. Please, Santana."
"I...Britt, baby...are you sure?"
"Yes. Please. Please, Santana."
Santana can see the desperation in Brittany's eyes. She doesn't know what to do, other than to give Brittany what she needs, so she nods and reaches forward to slide Brittany's pants and underwear down. As Brittany kicks them off, along with her shoes and socks, Santana pulls her own pants down and does the same. She pulls Brittany back into her body, feeling her naked skin pressed against her own. Brittany kisses her again.
Santana gently lays her down on the bed and gestures for her to scoot back onto the pillows. Laying next to Brittany, she kisses her again, but slowly. If she's going to do it, she'll do so more gently and more lovingly than she's ever done anything. It takes her longer than usual to get hard, but ultimately, she is and always will be powerless against Brittany's hands and lips and skin. Brittany reaches between them and guides Santana to her center. The blonde isn't as wet as Santana is used to, and she desperately doesn't want to hurt her, so she goes very slowly, prepared to stop at the first sign of discomfort.
Making love to Brittany this time is different than any time before. Usually, Brittany is laid out, all long-limbed and stretched beneath her, with one leg or arm pressing them together. Now, however, Brittany is completely curled into her, as if she needs every part of her touching some part of Santana. As Santana continues to thrust gently inside of her, she whispers "I love you" over and over into her ear, and she feels Brittany mouthing it against her neck, where her face is pressed. Santana can also feel tears wetting her neck.
She's so torn, half-wanting to stop, because what is this? What is she doing? She doesn't stop, though, because Brittany's making little noises that are similar to the ones she makes when she wants Santana to keep going, and the hands running down her hair and neck are gentle but insistent, like she wants exactly what Santana's giving her. No more, no less. Despite her confusion and inner conflict, she can feel that she isn't going to last much longer. She wants Brittany to come, though; maybe it'll make her feel better. When she loosens one of her arms, Brittany stops her. "Don't let me go."
"I won't." Tightening her hold again, she feels Brittany snake a hand into the impossibly tight space between their bodies and start to rub her own clit. A few minutes later, Brittany stiffens beneath her and cries out in a primal way that causes Santana's orgasm to follow quickly after Brittany's.
The orgasm doesn't seem to make Brittany feel better; in fact, it does the opposite. Sobs are once again shaking her entire body. Santana does the only thing she knows to do and pulls Brittany even closer, whispering "I love you," "I've got you," and "You're safe with me now." She can feel her own tears running down her face, but she doesn't even try to wipe them away. Doing so would require her hands, and those are made for holding Brittany right now. She just keeps whispering those words and running her hands up and down Brittany's spine in a way that she knows soothes her.
After what feels like hours, Brittany's sobs change to a sort of choked crying sound, and Santana can make out the words "I don't deserve you" coming from Brittany's mouth over and over.
"You're everything to me. You're all I want. I want you forever. You're perfect. I love you." She whispers her response every time Brittany cries that she doesn't deserve her. Eventually, the choked cries calm to little gasping noises that come in tandem with the chest spasms Brittany is having from crying so hard for so long. "Tell me what happened, baby. Please tell me. I want to help you. I can't if I don't know how."
"M-my mom told me that T-Tommy was coming over for dinner tomorrow. That I needed to be with him, because she refuses to take care of me forever. T-That I've been a burden for 18 years. That I could never do any better. That I would become a s-stripper and nobody will ever want me. That he's a saint because he's willing to put up with me. T-That I'm s-stupid and an...an idiot. Then she hit me." Brittany can feel Santana's grip on her get tighter and tighter with each new detail. She knows Santana is crying too, and she hates that she's the cause. More than anything, though, she's so glad to be back in her arms.
"Baby...I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. You are never a burden. I'd take care of you for the rest of our lives, but I know that I won't have to, because you're brilliant and so kind and so beautiful and such an amazing dancer, and you are going to do so well in your life. I am honored, Brittany, every single day, that it might be me in the first row clapping and cheering for you. It might be me that gets to hug you first and kiss you after a big show. I am so honored, and I love you so much. You are so fucking important to me. I promise you, I will do everything to make sure you feel that every day. You are important and safe and loved and so perfect."
"I love you too. I love you so much," Brittany replies. How does Santana do that? Brittany feels like she can breathe again. Santana loves her. She doesn't think she's a burden.
"I also need to say this. I'll never tell you what you can or can't do, but...if it's okay with you, I don't want you seeing them by yourself anymore. I don't feel safe letting that happen. They don't deserve to be in your presence, anyway. If, at any point, you want to go see them again, I'd appreciate if you would let me come with you. I can't let you get hurt like this again, not knowingly. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself." Brittany nods sleepily. She doesn't want Santana anywhere near them, but she knows Santana's right. "Now go to sleep, love." Brittany nods against her again. Santana's fingers start working slow circles over her back, pushing lightly into muscle, soothing the tension she still has there, and working a magic to calm her enough to drift to sleep.
After Brittany's breaths even out, Santana lifts one hand to wipe the remaining tears from her eyes and face before placing it back on Brittany. She's laying on her back with Brittany on top of her, her face so close Santana can feel Brittany's breath against her cheek. Brittany's weight and presence, as well as the knowledge that she'll be okay, let Santana drift off to sleep as well, arms still tightened protectively across her girlfriend's back.
Santana wakes up in the morning with Brittany still lying on her chest, head still tucked protectively under her chin. It's unusual that neither of them moved all night. The most unusual part, however, is that for the first time ever, she's awake while Brittany is still asleep. She knows the blonde was exhausted; she'd been through so much. Santana tries to push the thought out of her mind as she runs her fingers through Brittany's long blonde hair trailing down her bare back.
When the phone rings, it scares her. She was lost in the feeling of Brittany's skin beneath her fingertips, memorizing the little bumps in her spine, and the phone brings her quickly back to reality. Sliding out from under Brittany as carefully as she can, she jumps out of bed and runs to answer the hotel phone. "Hello?"
"Hello ma'am. You haven't checked out, and we weren't notified of a late checkout. Is everything okay?"
"Oh. My girlfriend is still asleep. She's not feeling well. I can get her up. I'm sorry."
"No, it's okay. Just be out by 5 PM so the maids can clean the room before they leave for the night. Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas." She hangs up and looks over her shoulder, surprised to find that Brittany is still asleep. After grabbing her cell phone, she goes into the bathroom. She has several missed calls from her mother, as well as increasingly panicked texts. When she calls, her mother picks up on the first ring.
"Mija, are you two alright? I've been so worried."
"We're fine, Mami. Just a long night. Brittany is still asleep, and I don't want to wake her yet. She needs the rest. We'll leave here as soon as she wakes. I'm sorry you worried."
"It's fine, Santana. Mother's worry. Text me when you two leave. Go on and get back to her. I love you."
"I love you too."
"Oh Santana! Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas, Mami." She hangs up and leaves the bathroom. Brittany is still asleep but stirring slightly, not sleeping as deeply without Santana in bed with her. The Latina quickly gets back in bed and presses herself tightly against Brittany, wrapping her up and instantly calming her. She wonders if, even subconsciously, Brittany feels unsafe. She wouldn't blame her. What if Brittany hadn't told Santana about Tommy? Or, more likely, what if Brittany's mom hadn't told her that Tommy was coming to dinner? What would he have done to her? Santana tightens her arms at the thought. She knows what he's capable of; he has physically, emotionally, verbally, and sexually abused the love of her life. And her parents, those monsters, they just let it happen.
Once again, Santana feels the burn of tears in her eyes. Trying to calm herself down, she kisses Brittany's head a few times. Brittany is the most amazing person she's ever met. Sometimes, Santana can't even remember how it felt to not have this fullness, this light in her chest. It's a whole new force, and it's all Brittany. Yet someone had spent years hurting Brittany, touching what wasn't his, taking things that Brittany didn't want to give. Santana can't stop herself from crying.
Think about love, she tells herself. Think about the future. Someday, they'll live in a tiny apartment that's too cold in the winter, but it won't matter, because they can't exist in the same room and not cuddle. There'll be warmth and love and so much happiness. Nobody will ever, ever hurt her, Santana thinks as she ever-so-lightly traces the bruised area on Brittany's face. Laying back down, she watches Brittany sleep, now peacefully, for what could be minutes or hours.
When Brittany finally stirs and wakes, her eyelashes flutter open, revealing beautiful blue eyes. She can tell that Santana has been crying; her eyelashes are still stuck together in clumps. Before even opening her mouth, she lifts her hand and runs her finger along the underside of Santana's eyes, wiping away the remaining moisture. "Why are you crying?" Her voice cracks, still not healed from so much crying last night and then long hours of sleeping. Santana just shakes her head. "Please tell me."
"I just...I'm so sorry you got hurt again, Britt. It kills me that there are people in this world that would hurt someone as amazing and perfect as you. It kills me." She watches Brittany's eyes drop from hers.
"I'm not worth all that. You shouldn't have to worry or be upset. I'm sorry I put you through this and made you drive so far."
"No. Don't do this, Brittany. Please. Don't question your worth because of some terrible woman who doesn't know you like I know you and who definitely doesn't know me. You're worth everything to me. She doesn't get to make you feel otherwise."
"But what if she's right? What if I'll never be anything but a burden? What if you get sick of me? I'm scared I'll lose you."
"I told you last night that you aren't a burden and that I'd take care of you every day. It'll never happen, though. I am so confident that it won't even be an issue. You didn't see your performance, but I did. You have so much talent. Everyone who was in that audience knows it. Plus, people just naturally want to be around you. Good, sane people, anyway."
"I don't want you to have to take care of me."
"I want to take care of you. Most of the time, you do just fine taking care of yourself, but it's okay to give yourself a break and let me do it sometimes, okay? I know that you'll always take care of me too. What if someday, you become a famous dancer, and I never go anywhere with my music career—"
"Not possible. You're amazing."
Santana kisses her nose. "Not the point. What if I don't? What if you make all the money in the house? Will that be a problem?"
"Not as long as you're happy."
"Exactly. See, Britt. We feel the exact same way. You could only ever be a burden to me if I thought of you that way, which I never, ever will. You're just my beautiful girlfriend whom I love very much. Everything else is just detail, okay?" Brittany nods and barely brushes her lips across Santana's. "How are you feeling?"
"My head hurts, and my cheek hurts. I feel a little better than last night, though...just really glad I'm back where I'm supposed to be." She buries herself into Santana's still naked chest. "I love you."
"I love you too. We should probably get going soon, though. My mom is worried about you, and I know she won't stop worrying until she can inspect you herself."
"10 more minutes?" Santana nods before starting to run her hands through Brittany's hair again. "Hold tighter." Santana does. She always will.
The drive back is quiet. Santana plugs her iPhone into the radio system so as to avoid Christmas music. She's not sure why, but some part of her feels like it might make Brittany sad. They stop for food, but Brittany barely eats anything. Santana is concerned but knows that Brittany's lack of appetite will last about as long as it takes to get her home. Her mami will feed Brittany until she bursts. When Maribel is concerned, she cooks.
"Do you hate Christmas music?" Brittany asks after Santana skips another Christmas song. Honestly, Brittany wouldn't mind listening to some Christmas music. She's never loved the holiday, but the music and decorations are the best parts.
"No, I don't. I just thought maybe you wouldn't want to, since you're not with your family. Plus, today and yesterday are kind of a mess."
"But today, I'm with you." Brittany knows there's a lot going on. She's not trying to ignore it. However, she's out of her house. She's with Santana. She's safe.
"You're right, B. Do you like Christmas?" Santana brushes her thumbs across Brittany's knuckles.
"I liked decorating for Christmas this year, and I like the lights and music. I'm excited about your gift too. I hope you like it."
"I'll love it. I'm excited to give you your gift too. Oh, and I think my mami got you one."
"Santana! My bus ticket was supposed to be my gift. I don't have one for her, or your brothers or dad!"
"No worries, Britt. It's a rule in our house. Kids don't buy parents Christmas gifts. We just have to come home. That's our gift. It's lame, but it's how it's always been. That's how it is with my grandparents too."
"Is your mom going to be upset that I'm there for Christmas? I don't want to mess up your family's holiday. I didn't think about that. I don't want to be a bother, San. I've already messed up by making you leave on Christmas Eve." Santana takes her eyes off the road for one second to look over at Brittany, who's rapidly becoming more and more upset.
"Brittany, stop. Please don't worry about any of that. My mom is so worried about you. She wants you back at the house as badly as I do. You haven't messed anything up, at all. Look, I got to spend Christmas Eve with my girlfriend, who is just as much family to me as my brothers and parents. Okay? Even better, now we get to spend Christmas and the rest of break with my family. Everything is okay. Everyone wants you home with us."
"Does everyone know?"
Santana knows Brittany will understand that she had to tell her mom, but she also can't help but think that those weren't her secrets to tell. "Not everyone. My mami made me explain to her why I was leaving, so I told her that your ex-boyfriend is abusive and that your mother knows but was still trying to force you two back together. Miguel was there and confirmed that he saw him hit you. That's it. I'm sorry I had to tell her anything at all...I just didn't want to leave against her will and then have her be mad at both of us."
"No, it's okay. I understand." She does understand. Still, a part of her is afraid that Maribel will now view her as flawed or damaged, or judge her for staying in an abusive relationship, or, worst of all, see whatever is fundamentally wrong with Brittany in her own mother's eyes. She knows it's stupid, that she's being stupid, but she can't stop the thoughts. Santana just pulls her hand to her lips, kissing it, before she lets go to change her iPhone to play some Christmas music.
