More Bananaz on the Ponderous Ranch
By Julie Feldman
Again, apologies to David Dortort, Paramount and Mad Magazine.
After the debacle with the Black Widow Spider Clotilde, both Bull Cartwrong and his oldest son, Madman moped around the large, luxurious Ponderous ranch house for a few days. This meant that all of the chores and running of the ranch was left to Bull's other two sons, Ox and Pipsqueak Pete. They were well meaning and generally managed things satisfactorily, but the ranch hands had a tendency to get a little bit "relaxed" in their duties when "the boys" were in charge. Pipsqueak also resented Ox getting to be the manager almost all the time and tried to talk his brother into doing things his way. If that didn't work (although it did much of the time), he would undermine Ox by getting friendly with the men and telling them what he wanted them to do.
Eventually one morning, Bull was ready to resume running the ranch, especially when he realized that the team of Ox and Pipsqueak seemed to be going 'round in circles. He was the first one down to breakfast as usual and expected Madman and Ox to follow closely behind. He had given up on Pipsqueak getting up on time years ago and usually sent his large middle son back upstairs to roust his youngest from his warm bed. This was a task that Ox took literally, pulling the covers off of his youngest brother (and usually causing him to murmur in his sleep "Don't hog all the blankets, Molly" or any other girl's name), then carrying Pete to the wash stand and holding him upright while dousing him with water from the pitcher. If Pipsqueak had avoided going to the outhouse during the night and used the large wash basin, so much the better. Waking Pete up always led to loud yells, but when Ox doused him with the cold urine in the basin, the whole house trembled.
This morning, however, as Bull approached the dining room table, he noticed four envelopes addressed to him, his two younger sons and Hi Lo, the Chinese cook and housekeeper. They were all in Madman's elegant handwriting (at least studying at Harvard had been good for something, whereas Ox's handwriting was indifferent at best and Pipsqueak's backhand, lefty scrawl was just plain awful to try and read). Ox, anticipating the command to get Pete to the breakfast table carried his wet brother over his shoulder, kicking and screaming. At least he had only been doused with water this morning.
As he scanned his letter, Bull's face went through a thousand emotions: Madman had decided after all to leave his home to go to San Francisco and become a surgeon in a large hospital. In his heart of hearts, Bull knew that he'd never see his eldest son again and that made him heart-sick and then angry. After all, a man had to follow his dreams, but this was his first child, the child that he had cared for almost all alone since the day of his birth. And Madman was the son most like him; controlled, but quick to seize the main chance, even if it wasn't quite on the up and up and even if it required a modicum of "persuasion"… But dammit! They had a ranch (a large, profitable ranch, if he did say so himself) to run and while Ox and Pete were good men, they could be, well, immature at times, to say the least. So, Bull lamented the departure of the one child who he had counted on to become the next head of the Cartwrong's enterprises.
After setting Pipsqueak down, Ox opened his letter and did his best to conquer his dyslexia and make sense of the words Madman had printed for him. Fortunately, his big brother was always accommodating of Ox's handicap and wrote in large letters and kept his letter simple and to the point.
"Dear Ox,
I am sad. I cannot stay here anymore. I have a big dream.
I must do what I have to do. I know you can handle the job
that Pa had me do. Do not let Pete trick you into any more of
his schemes. Please watch out for Mary Lou, Emma, Katy,
Dottie and Suzy for me. Tell them that I love them all. If they
come to San Francisco, I will show them a good time. If you come
to San Francisco, we'll have a lot of fun, if I have the time, but
tell the Pipsqueak I do not want him to come, because
he will be charming all my new girls away from me.
With love, your big brother,
Madman."
Pipsqueak read his letter more quickly, and he looked like he had just eaten a sour pickle. "Madman says not to follow him. He won't come back, and he doesn't want to see me ever again. Well, he can just stuff it!" proclaimed the young man. "Hey, Pa! Can I have his room? It's bigger than mine and while it should go to Ox as the next oldest, moving his seven-foot-long bed into it is just too hard."
"I don't see why it should be so hard. The rooms themselves move around constantly on their own anyway. I wake up in the morning and I have to look out the window to see which side of the house I'm on. Never mind trying to find where you are, Pipsqueak, just to wake you up. And then at night, everything upstairs has rearranged itself again. The only place you can count on in this house is down here," said Ox.
"Madman put a curse on the bedrooms upstairs when he built this house, I swear it! That's the only explanation!" Pete replied, hot under the collar as typical. (Not that he had a collar on his night shirt).
"Now, boy, don't talk like that about your brother. I know that the two of you didn't always see eye-to-eye,"
"Never," the young man said in a stage-whisper.
"But still, Madman has never been a wizard,"
"You can say that again. This time Pipsqueak spoke up, earning himself looks from his father and brother.
"or a necromancer. A libertine, yes. A canny business man, just like his old man," here Bull pulled himself up to his full height and held onto his leather vest like a proud politician. "and I can't deny that he killed his share of cattle rustlers, varmints, thieves and card cheats. But he never put a curse on anything. He didn't need to, what with his way with a firearm. If anything, it was your mother who was into that sort of thing."
"Don't you say anything about my mother!" yelled Pipsqueak.
"Now, calm yourself down, boy. You know I loved your mother just as much as I loved any of my wives. It's just that she was from New Orleans, and she was acquainted with voodoo and all of that. And she had a pretty crazy sense of humor. It would be just like her to put a spell on the bedrooms. Unfortunately, she died before she could reverse it."
"Yeah, that would make sense, Pete. You know I loved Mama Marie. She was the only Ma I knew, but Pa's right. She could get up to some funny things. You just don't remember. You was too young, little brother. Now, maybe if you studied some of that voodoo stuff, you might just be able to stop the rooms moving around."
Hi Lo came into the dining room just then, his hands full with platters of eggs, bacon, biscuits and the gravy bowl on his head. Putting them all on the table, he spied the last of Madman's letters, the one addressed to him, opened it and read it with large eyes. He was so upset, the forget to use his fake Chinese pidgin English.
"Oh, no! Oh, no, no, no!" What will we do without Madman? What will we do?"
"Shut up!" Bull backhanded the smaller man.
"Right. I forgot," Lo Hi replied. "We got along just fine without him when he went to college in Boston. No problem, Mr. Cartwrong. No problem at all."
It took Madman only a few days to reach San Francisco. By that time, he had grown a full beard and mustache, and he had abandoned the hated toupee on the trail. But the dimple on his left cheek (still not his left butt cheek) was still visible, although he felt that as a serious medical man, he should smile even less than he normally did. He also had no time for his guitar and was glad that he had left it in Nevada. He assumed that it would never be played again because Pipsqueak could never sit still long enough to learn how to play, and Ox's fingers were too big and fat. Besides, he'd probably end up bending and twisting it apart. Madman sold his horse, Buster, when he arrived in the city. There was no love lost between the two of them and the horse's name came from the fact that when he had tried to break the stallion, Buster had nearly taken him apart. All the while Madman had owned him, it was a daily grudge match to see who would ride who. Once he finished his medical training, he expected that he would purchase a smart carriage and a capable mare. He'd park them in the large lot in front of the hospital where all the doctors tried to outdo each other with their buggies, broughams, or phaetons and their well-bred horses. Eventually, when he inevitably became the head surgeon, he would invest in the best brougham and thoroughbred he could, Buster and all the horses he had known on the Ponderous be damned!
Back in Nevada Pipsqueak grabbed Ox's arm as they were headed out to the corral after breakfast.
"You know, brother, without Madman here to get in the way, it's clear sailing for the two of us."
"Whaddya mean, Pete?" asked Ox.
"Well, for one thing, there's a lot less competition for girls…"
"Yeah, you're right," Ox said, smiling briefly before frowning. "But you know how tight Pa is with a silver dollar. How we gonna go court some gals without any money?"
"I have some ideas," Pipsqueak replied, his face smiling his "I'm innocent-looking but as devious as a wildcat" smile.
"Oh no you don't, Pete. I've stuck with you with the rabbits, the race horses and Old Sheba…"
"Ox, I wouldn't talk if I were you," his brother replied. "Remember all the schemes you bought, like the cart that ran on that special distilled fuel? Or the big gold-finder machine? Look, I heard just the other day about something that will really make us money. Guaranteed!"
Ox looked at Pipsqueak with a decidedly jaundiced stare.
"Yeah, what is it that's guaranteed?"
"Just imagine the biggest eggs you'd ever seen," said Pete, putting his hand around as much of his brother's shoulders as he could reach. "Right now, how many eggs do you eat for breakfast?"
"Oh, 'bout a dozen, I reckon."
"What would you say if you could have the same size omelet with just one or two eggs."
"Oh, come on now, Pete! That's impossible."
"No, it's not Ox."
"Well what kind of chicken lays eggs that big?"
"Not a chicken, brother. An ostrich."
"A what!?"
"An ostrich, Ox." (say that three times fast) "We'll buy us some ostriches and then sell the eggs! We'll make a fortune!" Pipsqueak crowed.
"An' where're we gonna find ostriches? Don't they come from Australia or Austria or somewhere like that?" asked Ox.
"No, Ox," Pipsqueak sighed. "They come from Africa."
"Africa! It'll cost us a fortune just to get 'em here! Just how much do you think a body would be willing to spend for a large egg? Besides, by the time they get here, they'd be spoiled."
The younger brother laughed. "No, you big galoot! There are people who raise them here in America. We'll find the closest ostrich ranch, buy us a breeding pair, raise us some ostrich hens and make a fortune!"
"Well…" Ox said slowly, remembering the rabbits they tried to raise for their pelts, "at least we won't have to kill 'em."
The boys took a piece of worthless meadow and built a fence on it. Then they raised it and built a stockade when they found out that ostriches could range from seven to nine feet in height and weigh as much as Ox.
"You sure we need to make this into a stockade, Pete?" asked Ox (again, say that three times fast.) "You said ostriches don't fly. You think they could climb up on the fence and get out?"
"I don't know, but I'm not taking any chances. Besides, since they're not used to cold weather, in the winter we can roof over part of the stockade and make it into a barn."
It was then that Bull ambled along. "What are the two of you doing here instead of checking on the stock?" He wasn't happy to see his boys just standing there, chewing the fat.
"Go on, you tell him, Ox.," Pipsqueak whispered.
"Why me? It was your idea!" he answered.
"WOULD SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE DOING?" Bull's voice, the loudest in the state of Nevada (and possibly all of North America) pushed his sons back up against the walls of the stockade with its force.
Pete took a deep breath and smiled his most ingratiating smile at his father. "Well, you see, Pa, uh Ox and me want to make some money of our own, and…"
"YOU ALWAYS WANT TO MAKE MONEY OF YOUR OWN AND THAT HAS LED TO DISASTER EACH AND EVERY TIME!" That was when Ox remembered that some folks called his father, "Bullhorn" Cartwrong behind his back.
"…well Pa, this is, this business is different. No killing of cute animals, no taking stock in kind. It's an egg business, that's all."
"AN EGG BUSINESS? WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO BUY YOUR EGGS WHEN THEY HAVE THEIR OWN CHICKENS? I DIDN'T RAISE YOU TWO TO BE EGG FARMERS OF ALL THINGS!"
Pipsqueak recalled that he'd heard some people in town say that Bull could go into demolition just on the strength of his voice alone.
"Oh, these aren't chickens. They're ostrich eggs. Big, biiig ostrich eggs. Why, Pa, one egg could feed a family of four! Or Ox, by himself."
"Hmmmm. Alright. I can see why you think that this is an enterprise that has some potential. But what exactly do ostriches eat? How much will it cost to keep them?
"Pa," Ox took the lead now, "that's the beauty of it. They're like the goats of the bird-world. They eat almost anything; grass, scrub, leaves, twigs, insects, even small rodents. They hardly even need water. And even better, we just need to buy a breeding pair and soon enough we've got a flock of egg-layers!
"Alright, alright," Bull said dismissively. "Just as long as these ostriches don't distract you from the ranch work."
A week later Ox and Pipsqueak were at the railroad depot to collect two large and heavy crates containing Mr. and Mrs. Ostrich. Understandably, the birds weren't too happy at having been put on a swaying railroad car and now being moved onto a wagon. The wagon horses weren't too happy either because besides these strange smelling and sounding things, the pair of them were pulling nearly a ton of birds, men and wagon. By the time the whole troop arrived at the Ponderous's ostrich stockade, no one was happy. A few of the hands came over, not so much to help and to get a look at the latest scheme the Cartwrong boys had gotten into. With past history as their guide, they were more than ready to laugh.
The men lowered the large crates into the stockade enclosure and unleashed the birds. That's when the pecking began. Curiously, none of the literature that Pipsqueak had read had said anything about ostrich tempers. By the time the humans had gotten out of the stockade and closed the birds in, there were numerous bite- and peck-marks on most of them, especially on top of Ox's head. He was not amused and bodily picked up his brother and threw him into the nearest horse-trough. (These were in abundant supply because they provided a less-violent way of settling disputes than a gunfight. In addition, they were good for cooling off and having a cold drink of water on a hot summer's day and if worst came to worse, they could be used as a cold-water bath. Of course, one hoped that the bather would make sure that all the soap was removed from the trough. Otherwise, the yard would be messier than usual after the horses had their morning drink.)
Pipsqueak emerged from the water with fists flying and jumped his brother, just in time for Louisa Lou Longley to come riding along on her mare. Louisa Lou had toyed with all the Cartwrong boys over the years, and each one of them had been sure that they were the real object of her affections. Now with Madman gone, the odds of maintaining her attention had increased and both Ox and Pipsqueak immediately ran to help her off her horse. Unfortunately for all the Cartwrongs, Louisa Lou was a flighty little blonde and she could never make up her mind about most things.
"Peter! You're dripping wet! You'll soil my dress!"
"Oh, how I'd like to soil something else of yours," he thought.
"PETER!"
"Uh, did I say that out loud?"
"You certainly did, brother," Ox said threateningly to Pipsqueak. "I guess Pa didn't get around to teaching you how to behave in front of a lady!" He turned to Louisa Lou. "I'd like to apologize for my brother, Miss Louisa Lou. Although he acts like it sometimes, he wasn't…" and here everyone who was around, turned and in unison with Ox said, "…raised in a barn."
Louisa Lou giggled lightly and batted her eyelashes at Ox. "You're so funny, Ox! Have you heard anything from Madman?"
"No, Miss Louisa Lou," answered Ox.
"When he left, he instructed us to tell his girls that he'd be happy to show them a good time if they went to San Francisco." Pipsqueak informed the young woman. "Unfortunately, you weren't one of the ones he mentioned." Pipsqueak took her hand and pasted a sorrowful look on his face.
"Well, I'm not surprised," replied Louisa Lou. "When we last saw each other, he was pressuring me to…you know…accept his invitation…to do…uh…something that he said others had done…"
"You mean trying to get you to go to bed with him?" asked Ox (three times fast again).
"Oh, no! He wanted to see my ankle!" Louisa Lou blushed deeply.
"I'd love to see more than just her ankle", thought Pipsqueak.
This time Louisa Lou slapped him.
"Uh, did I say something out loud again?"
"I'm just not that kind of girl! But with Madman gone, I suppose I'll have to choose between the two of you." She turned to Pipsqueak, "although you're skating on thin ice Peter. Very thin ice." She went to sit down on the edge of the porch, frowning.
"I know I sometimes have trouble keeping my thoughts to myself, Louisa Lou, but please give me a chance!" whined Pipsqueak.
When the young woman looked up, she had tears in her eyes. "Madman had asked me to marry him. Said we'd take my ranch, the Runny B.O., and make it a good solid ranch again. And he really liked my little girl, too."
"What little girl?" the brothers asked together.
"Oh, didn't you know? I was married before, but my husband ran away along time ago. Little Louisa Lou never met him, but she always said that one day he'd come back for us. When Madman came calling, why she just up and fell in love with him. He was pretty fond of her, too. Come to think of it, I think he liked her better than he liked me. And they got pretty close. Maybe I should have looked more closely into their relationship…"
Pipsqueak rolled his eyes. "Ya think?"
"Hey, Big Brother isn't like that an' you know it, Pete!"
"Well", continued Louisa Lou lazily, "Madman was going to sweep me off my feet and marry me. Said he'd finally made up his mind. And now he's gone and left me and Little Louisa Lou and he didn't even say a word!" She buried her head in her lap and sobbed loudly.
Ox looked truly concerned and he sat down next to her to try and comfort her. "You know, we just started an ostrich farm. We're gonna sell them big eggs they lay, but you know, they've got big, beautiful feathers as well. The ladies all say they're almost as fancy as egret feathers, whatever an egret is. How 'bout I pluck a nice feather for your hat, Miss Louisa Lou?" She just cried harder.
"I don't want a feather! I want Madman!"
At first it was hard to hear over her crying, but soon enough Pipsqueak and Ox could make out the sound of a rider coming up the road at a good clip. In moments a handsome young man rode his horse into the yard and dismounted. He had a shock of black hair and a thin black mustache over his lip.
"Hey fellows! How'd ya do? Is this the Ponderous Ranch?"
"Yessir, it is. What can we do for you, Stranger?" Ox greeted him.
"I'm looking for my cousin, Madman Cartwrong. Is he here?"
"Cousin?!" asked Pipsqueak, momentarily distracted from Louisa Lou's sobs. "That means you're our cousin, too!"
Ox stepped forward and extended his hand to the other man. He nearly pulled the stranger off his feet with his handshake. "I'm Ox Cartwrong and this is my little brother, Pipsqueak Pete. Our Pa is away right now, but he'll be sure happy to meet you. What is it you want with Madman. And besides that, what's your name, Cousin?"
"Why, I'm Badman Cartwrong. My Pa is your Pa's older brother. I come looking for Madman, cause I'm supposed to take over for him. I got a nice, shiny new contract says I'm gonna be the new Cartwrong when Madman leaves."
Pipsqueak sighed. "Another contract…well, that's just your bad luck, Badman. You should have been here three weeks ago when Madman left. Your contract is null and void 'cause you didn't show up at the right time."
"Ah, shoot! Well, I think I've got something else lined up, a family show about the future with an evil scientist and a robot that looks like it's second cousin to the Michelin Man." Badman's eyes turned to the blonde lump of a woman weeping loudly on the porch. "Why what do we have here? Miss, why are you crying so hard?"
"Madman was supposed to marry me!"
"Well, if he left without you, he was a fool. How about you come with me, little lady. I ain't no Madman, but I am a Badman." He turned to Ox and Pipsqueak. "See ya' round boys!" He took Louisa Lou by the hand and swung her up behind him on his horse and rode off.
Ox turned to the mare that Louisa Lou had left behind. "Good piece of horseflesh here. I think we lucked out on that one. This mare's a darn sight better than that two-timing woman."
"Yeah, Ox. Maybe you're right." Pipsqueak replied.
Again, hoof-beats were heard, bringing another man into the yard.
"Gol-darned, if this place isn't getting busy as Grand Central Station, Pete!"
"What's Grand Central Station?"
"I don't know, but it must be very busy cause everyone says it is!" Ox stated emphatically. What neither brother knew was that it would be decades before Grand Central Station would be built, but what the hell. This is a parody, after all.
The man who rode in also had dark hair and a thin mustache, but he was younger and smaller and even better looking than Badman Cartwrong. "Howdy!" he called out. "Is this the Ponderous Ranch?"
"Yep," replied Pipsqueak. "Anything we can do for you stranger?"
"I got some questions for you, if you don't mind. Are you Peter Cartwrong? From New Orleans?"
"I'm Pete Cartwrong, but I wasn't born in New Orleans, my mother was."
"And her name was Marie?"
"Yes…"
The young man dismounted and dug in his pocket for a moment before bringing out a locket and showing it to Pipsqueak. "This is her, isn't it?"
Pipsqueak would have knocked the stranger down if Ox hadn't grabbed him.
"How'd you get a picture of my mother?" He remembered the time that that Confederate sympathizer had tried to trick him with a picture of his mother that he had gotten illicitly from a richer southern Confederate sympathizer. "What's going on here? The war is over."
"Yep, sure is, and I'm glad about it. See, she's my mother too."
"What?" Pete spat out.
"He don't look nothing like you or your mother," said Ox.
The stranger walked over to where Louisa Lou had sat crying only minutes before. "Allow me to explain. My name is Cool Stuffitt. Our mother was married before she met Bull Cartwrong to a man from a very prominent New Orleans French family, the deMigraines. They didn't approve of her or the marriage because she was not of their class. They sent my father away when they found out that she was expecting me. He died out here in the west. When I was born, they took me away, told my mother that I had died in childbirth and gave me to their acquaintances, the Stuffitts to raise. When I was old enough, the Stuffitts told me I was adopted because my mother had died when I was born. I've been traveling all over the country to find out about my family and my background. And now I've found my one living relative, my little brother, Pete!"
"I don't know what to say. Another brother…"
"I think I'd better go find Pa and tell him 'bout this," Ox said, as he went to saddle up his horse, Skinny.
"Here, Pete. Have some pulque with me while I go into greater detail."
"What's pulque? And why is it italicized?"
"It's Mexican. It's the elixir of life. Don't ask me why it's italicized. I can barely read," Cool answered.
Ox stopped what he was doing when he saw the big jug of pulque that Cool had in his bedroll. He took the jug when offered and after putting the top of his head back in place wondered how his half-brother's half-brother had been able to wrap something as big as that in his blanket without anyone noticing. Pipsqueak wasn't so philosophical. All he cared about was enjoying the drunkenness that quickly overcame him.
"Viva Pulque! Viva my brother! Viva my other brother, whichever one is which!"
"Have another pull, Pete. I'm glad you're enjoying it," Cool encouraged him. On the other hand, Ox looked very suspiciously at the new man.
"Hey, take it easy, Cool. Pipsqueak here isn't used to this stuff an' he's on the smaller side, so he'll be off his head after another swallow," Ox said with some venom in his voice.
"Awww, Ox, you're being a spoil sport," Pipsqueak whined. "I can hold my liquor…hiccup…just as well as you…hiccup." He sat down unceremoniously on the hard ground. "So where did you find this pulque, Cool?"
"Down in Mexico when I was fighting with Juarez…and Rosita…and Elena…and their mother…"
"Viva Juarez! Viva Rosita and what's her name and what's her name's mother!" crowed Pete. "You and me, Cool, we've gotta go down to Mexico and see those women and get more of this pulque. Jes' you 'n me, bro. Jes' you 'n me."
At that moment, Bull Cartwrong rode onto the scene. His face and head demonstrated many peck-marks and his toupee was astray and looking like an ostrich had decided that it would make a good lunch. To say that Bull was angry would be an understatement, but instead of bellowing (after all, there was always time to bellow), he gave the new young man the once over and then let his eyes drift to his youngest son who was about to topple over into a pulque-derived blackout. Looking back at the handsome stranger, Bull slid off his horse and demanded to know who he was.
"Well, I'm the first born of Marie deMigraines, your wife and Pipsqueak's mother as well," Cool declared, cooly.
"Uh, Ok." Bull was surprisingly complacent about the turn of events. "You're welcome to live with us here at the Ponderous Ranch. To me, you're just another one of my sons, since my eldest, Madman, has left. We've got plenty of room, you look like you know your way around a cattle ranch, and we need a third man to balance out the scripts."
"Thank you for your generous invitation, Mr. Cartwrong. I do believe I'd be very happy…"
"No! You can't stay!" yelled Pipsqueak suddenly, looking at the director, not sure if he should be portraying upset, anger, dismay or anything else. When he didn't get any direction, he decided to go with anger. "You're too handsome. I finally got Madman to leave; he was my chief competition with the females. Badman didn't want to stick around, especially since Louisa Lou Langley was willing to leave with him and he's got a good gig lined up anyway. But you would be serious competition. You've gotta go, Cool. And go now!" He attempted to stand up and swagger menacingly, but the pulque was making his legs act like they were made of rubber.
"But this was really going to make me a household name," he complained.
Ox stepped up. "I think it's just best you make yourself scarce. Pipsqueak's got a good bit temper, and he's got lots of friends who know that someday he's gonna be a real big man in this field. Best you leave now, before my little brother ruins your reputation."
"Oh, all right. I know when I'm not wanted. But mark my words, gentlemen, I won't be forgotten so soon. Good day!" With a tip of his hat, Cool Stuffitt mounted his horse and rode away, never to be mentioned by any of the Cartwrongs again.
Once the yard was again quiet, Bull turned to his sons. First, he concentrated his ferocious look on Pipsqueak.
"Pipsqueak Peter Cartwrong!" he yelled at full volume, making the younger man cringe from both his hangover and the hurricane-force wind created by Bull's voice. He looked up at his father with his "cringey baby face", usually guaranteed to lessen whatever punishment was coming. "Why were you drinking in the middle of the day? And why did you drink that rot-gut? And why did you drink that much? And why did you have to drink out of that huge jug like some back-woods yahoo? And why didn't you save me some?"
Pipsqueak attempted to grovel, but he was already sitting on the ground, so he just looked sick.
Bull turned to Ox. "And why didn't you tell me that ostriches were so ornery? They damned near pecked me to death! That's it! If you don't get rid of those birds, I will!"
Hi Lo ran out of the kitchen, a cleaver in his hand. "Ret me! Ret me! I make ost'ich stew wi' potato for dinner."
And the ostrich problem was fixed that night.
The End
