Summary:
"He takes a deep breath. 'You got hurt again,' he mumbles. 'Except, this time…'
'This time what?'
Jonas squeezes his eyes shut. 'This time I think you died.'"
OR
Present-Day AU. A malfunctioning time travel device and a harrowing mission force Sam and Jonas to finally confront what happened in Florida. But they're running out of time to clear the air before Jonas' latest vision comes true - a vision of Sam's impending death. Sequel to "band-aids don't fix bullet holes."
A/N: Hello again, I'm back with a quicker update than usual since I wanted to get the angstiest part of this fic out of the way before we enter the final stretch. In the interest of caution, I want to issue a warning that the next few chapters are going to be emotionally brutal, since I don't want anyone to feel totally blindsided by this section of the story. I can't say more due to spoilers, but please be warned that this chapter in particular is probably the roughest one both whump and angst-wise and you may need tissues.
With all that said, I want to once again thank you all for your support. As always I truly appreciate it ❤️
CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER
-situation of extreme peril
-slight body horror
-strong language
-depiction of emotional trauma
Chapter 11: you never know what's real (until it's gone)
She screams his name when he falls.
Sam immediately jumps up and rushes to Jonas' side. His body has gone limp, his skin rapidly turning a sickly pale color. "Jonas!" she shouts again, her hands flying to his face. "Shit, Jonas - "
"Sam," he chokes out, gasping for air. "Sam…the dart…"
Sam pulls back and moves her hands to his stomach. The dart, which is about the length of her palm, is still sticking out of his side. "Shit," she says, fighting back a rising wave of panic. "I'm going to pull it out, okay?"
"Okay."
Sam braces one hand against Jonas' stomach and yanks the dart free with the other. He howls in pain. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" she cries, tears stinging her eyes.
Sam then lifts the hem of his shirt, pulling it up to his ribs to inspect the puncture wound. She hopes that maybe it won't be as bad as she fears. But her heart seizes in terror when she sees a web of veins branching out from a dark bruise on his skin.
Purple veins. Just like the ones on the bodies of the dead bandits.
"Oh fuck," she hisses.
"Sam," Jonas rasps, his voice even weaker now. "Sam, I can't…I can't feel my legs…"
The wave of panic overtakes her. It's that fucking blue worm venom. But not the diluted kind the bandits used to knock them out. This is the pure, untainted kind. The lethal kind.
"Jonas," Sam says, her body trembling, "the dart…it had…"
"I know." His face suddenly contorts in pain. "Ah!"
"Jonas?!"
His breathing starts to quicken at an alarming rate. Sam grabs his shoulders. "Jonas…oh god…"
"Sam," he gasps. "Sam, it hurts."
Oh god, this can't be happening. "Jonas," she pleads, moving her hands back to his face. "Jonas, I need you to stay with me!"
Jonas cries out again, his body spasming as the venom continues to take hold. Sam cradles his face, sobbing his name as she tries in vain to soothe him. She has no idea what to do now. She vaguely recalls the bandit woman saying something about the venom taking awhile to kill its victims, but there's no telling how potent of a dose the dart contained. He could have anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours, but either way, there's nothing she can do to save him.
"Purple…worms…" Jonas wheezes.
Sam blinks back a surge of tears. "What?"
"Purple…anti…venom…"
Her eyes widen as the information registers. He's right. Celia mentioned the purple worms before, the ones with a natural anti-venom that could reverse the effects of their blue counterparts.
"The tunnel," Sam breathes, hope blossoming in her chest. "We passed some purple worms on the way here."
Jonas nods.
Sam lets go of his face and lifts the saddlebag off of his shoulder. There has to be something in here she can use to collect the worms. She rifles through the bag, her movements growing more frantic as Jonas continues to grunt in pain. At last, her fingers land on a clear tube filled with a mysterious green powder. She doesn't know what the powder is for, but it hardly matters now. She pops open the cap, pours the contents onto the floor, and stuffs the tube into her vest pocket.
"I'm going to go look for the worms," she says, cupping Jonas' face again. "I'll come back right away, okay?"
Her heart clenches when he meets her eyes. She can tell he's in far more agony than he's letting on. "Okay," he mumbles.
"Just promise me you'll hang in there."
He opens and closes his mouth a few times, trying to get the words out.
"Jonas," she begs, her voice breaking, "promise me."
The words finally emerge, weak and raspy. "I p-promise."
Sam strokes his face with her thumbs, then leans down and presses a kiss to his forehead. His skin is cold and clammy, and the sensation sends a bolt of terror shooting through her body. Oh god. She has to save him. She has to.
"You're going to be all right," she whispers.
And with that, she pulls away, moving to stand up. But to her surprise, Jonas reaches out and stops her, grabbing her hand at the last second.
"Sam," he croaks, holding onto her for dear life. "Sam, I have to…tell you something."
The earnest look in his eyes makes her heart ache, but they have no time to waste. "Jonas, I have to go right now," she says. "You can tell me later, okay?"
He shakes his head, the expression on his face growing determined despite his pain. "No…" he insists. "It has to be…now."
Her limbs twitch with panicked impatience. "Okay," she agrees reluctantly. "What is it?"
Jonas locks eyes with her, and all of a sudden Sam gets the impression that they've entered into a moment that will live on in her memory for the rest of her life. "Sam," he starts, forcing her name out with great effort. Then -
"Sam, I love you."
Her heart stops.
For a split second she can't breathe, can't think, can't move. The force of his confession hits her harder than any blow she's ever taken, and the shock is so staggering that she swears time itself has come to a screeching halt.
Jonas loves her.
He loves her.
Oh god, he loves her.
Sam opens her mouth to say something - anything - but no words will come out. Even though she needs to say them. Even though this might be her last chance to say them. Even though she knows that if she doesn't make it back in time, he'll never get to hear her say them -
She rises to her feet without uttering a single thing.
The only thing she manages to do is squeeze his hand, holding his gaze for one final moment before releasing him, snatching up the glow rod at his side, and sprinting back down the tunnel.
Sam feels like she's been running for hours by the time she spies a purple glow up ahead. Relief floods through her, but it's quickly replaced by an overwhelming pang of guilt.
Sam, I love you.
She swallows back a fresh surge of tears. Jonas meant it. He rarely says anything he doesn't mean, and she knew by the look in his eyes that he meant it. Yet she couldn't bring herself to say it back.
Why couldn't she say it back?
The purple glow grows stronger. Sam shoves down the guilt and pushes forward, choosing instead to focus on the task at hand. She can worry about sentiment later. Right now she needs to work fast, or Jonas will…no. No, she's not even going to think about it.
When at last she arrives at the worm-infested section of the tunnel, her heart sinks as she realizes that the worms are too far out of reach. Like their blue counterparts, they prefer to huddle on the stalactites hanging overhead. Sam spins in a circle, inspecting the area, but she can't find any way to climb up to the ceiling.
"Shit," she curses to herself. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?
She scans the ground. There are some loose rocks scattered here and there. Maybe she can throw one at a stalactite like she did before, and hope that a few worms might fall from the impact.
Sam scoops up a large rock and launches it at the ceiling. It slams against the nearest stalactite before clattering to the ground. She runs up to see if any worms came with it.
Nothing.
"Damn it," she hisses. These worms must have a stronger grip than she realized.
She picks up another rock and tries again. Still nothing. Grunting in frustration, she grabs yet another rock and tosses it.
Still nothing.
"For fuck's sake!" she screams, tears pricking at her eyelids. She's running out of time. He's running out of time. If she can't administer the anti-venom…
With another shriek of rage, she picks up one more rock and hurls it with all her might. This time a purple smudge plummets to the ground beside it.
Sam rushes over to the spot. Sure enough, one worm has fallen, and it's still alive. She frantically digs the glass tube out of her vest pocket, her fingers brushing against Jonas' ring as she does so.
Sam, I love you.
Heart pounding, Sam places the worm into the tube, caps it, and shoves it back into her pocket. She doesn't know if one worm will be enough, but she doesn't have time right now to try for another.
Jumping to her feet, she dashes back up the tunnel, pumping her legs as fast as they can carry her.
Sam is halfway through the dark part of the passage when she hears it.
Coughing.
First, you get woozy. Then, it paralyzes you. Then, you experience the most excruciating pain you've ever felt in your life. Then, your lungs stop working and you can no longer breathe right. Then, you start coughing up blood. It's only after the coughing that all that agony finally comes to an end.
Terror seizes her in its grip as the bandit woman's voice echoes in her mind. She pushes her legs harder, trying to run even faster than she already is.
Just hold on, Jonas, Sam begs. Please, you have to hold on.
The coughing grows louder as she runs farther up the tunnel. She doesn't know if that's because she's getting closer or because Jonas' condition is getting worse, but it doesn't matter. He's out of time.
Sam, I love you.
Her foot catches on a rock, and her body goes flying.
Sam crashes to the ground with a loud thump. The coughing starts to intensify. "Shit!" she cries, scrambling to her feet. "Jonas, I'm coming!"
She rushes forward again, her heartbeat wild in her chest.
Sam, I love you.
The coughing suddenly stops.
Sam stumbles into the cavern, her breaths ragged and her limbs screaming. She nearly stumbles to the ground again, but she manages to stay upright just long enough to make it to Jonas' side.
His body is completely still.
A panicked sob escapes her throat. She drops to her knees and fumbles around in her vest pocket, yanking out the tube and then the worm from it. She pulls back Jonas' shirt again and places the worm right over the puncture wound. It latches onto his skin immediately.
Without pausing to see what will happen, Sam presses her fingers to Jonas' wrist and checks his pulse. To her horror, she isn't able to find one.
"No," she gasps, staring at him in disbelief. "No, please, come on!"
She glances back at the worm. Nothing seems to be happening.
Oh god. Oh god, oh god, oh god.
Sam, I love you.
Sam lets out an anguished shriek and digs her hands into Jonas' chest. She starts pumping - one, two, three, four - desperation clawing at her insides and tears streaming down her face.
"Come on, Jonas!" she pleads. "Come on!"
His body remains still.
She checks his pulse again, and when that still yields nothing, she lets out another cry and resumes the chest compressions. She keeps pumping, harder and harder and harder, sobbing and begging him to come to. But nothing happens. His body continues to lie motionless - his skin covered with a web of purple veins, his lips stained with blood, and his eyes staring blankly up at the ceiling.
No. No.
This can't be happening.
He can't be gone. He can't be.
Sam, I love you.
When exhaustion overtakes her and reality finally hits, the sound that wrenches free from her throat is barely even human.
A/N: Before anyone angrily throws objects at my head (which, I know, is honestly warranted) THIS STORY IS NOT OVER! I am SO sorry for the way this chapter ended, but like I said in the last chapter's notes, I PROMISE you that this fic has a good ending. I just can't elaborate on what it is or how we're going to get there. There is still one more major plot point that we haven't circled back around to yet, so please bear with me while we wade through the next couple of chapters 😭 Trust me, I'm not going to leave it hanging here.
Now, on to other details:
The title of this chapter is taken from the lyrics of "What It Costs" by Switchfoot, which centers around the theme of love and the sacrifices it entails. It wasn't my original title choice, but in the end I thought the song summed up the point of the chapter better than my other options.
Part of the reason I upped the rating/warning was the depiction of Sam's desperation and grief. I was a bit worried she might come across as out-of-character, since she's usually so levelheaded and tough. But there are moments on SG-1 where she does emotionally break down, plus I feel like it's more realistic in a situation like this for a character to completely lose it.
Again, I apologize profusely for breaking everyone's heart 😭 This one hurt to write as much as I'm sure it hurt to read, but unfortunately it's necessary for where the story is heading next. Like I said before, this is NOT over. If you're still mad at me and need reassurance that this fic won't end in a pit of despair, there is some foreshadowing sprinkled throughout the previous chapters if you want to distract yourselves by trying to piece together where this is going.
