Sometimes a single incident could set off a chain of events that had ramifications. Indeed, that single incident came when Ajaw barged into Sucrose's research lab in the Serenitea Pot. Being his usual, loud self, he got spit all over the test tubes.

They shooed him away, which only made him angry.

"These wenches dare challenge the mighty Ajaw! They will suffer!"

The ladies went to their daily congressional meeting. Unnoticed, Ajaw snuck back into the lab.

"How'd you like this?!"

He kicked over test tubes which shattered on the ground. Sucrose's concoctions mingled with the Ajaw's spit forming a thick gas that permeated the building. Before anyone could stop it, the gas engulfed all the ladies instantly.

Ajaw peeked outside the door. His jaw dropped as they began to change and warp, their bodies contorting under the effects of the gas.

"Oh crap."

From that little incident, the apocalypse had begun.


Emergency Letter to All UHA & UBA Members

Emergency! Chaos has unfolded in all the nations! Everyone except Jean, Noelle, Mirror Maiden, Beidou, Cryo Cincin Mage, Yae Miko, Katarina, Dehya, Jeht, Furina, Chevreuse, and Charlotte were present at the mansion when a horrible catastrophe unfurled. They've gone crazy and need to be reined in. To that end, Kinich has created butterfly nets to capture the rogue agents. Once you catch them, we will isolate them in a pocket dimension like the Realm Within and work towards a cure.

Every able-bodied member of the UHA and UBA hurry to your respective nations and restore order! Or at the very least, stall them.

-President Tubby


Jean, Diluc, Klee, Razor, Mika, and Kaeya stared at what had once been Mondstadt. Now, there was a magnificent castle stretching to the sky like something from a fairy tale. The Immernachtreich had emerged in Mondstadt.

Jean sensed something approaching. It barreled from the thunderclouds in a stream of Hydro glimmering like a rainbow. It landed atop the statue of the seven.

"Hello. Do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Barbatos?"

Jean felt a chill. The thing before her was her sister Barbara. It had her face and eyes, her clothes, and her voice. But the head was twenty times the size of her body. It was flat like a picture in a children's book. Whenever it hummed, golden musical notes floated from its lips like bubbles.

"Go," said Jean. "This one's mine."

The others dispersed, leaving Jean to face this adorable abomination.


Cryo Cincin Mage grabbed Fatui operatives Nadia and Vlad by the scruffs of their necks and leaped off the railing into a flock of her Cryo Cincin pets, only moments before ice erupted from Northland Bank. Andrei and the whole staff had been frozen solid. Even so, their eyes darted around in a panic. Chibi Shenhe admired her work before heading to Bubu Pharmacy.

Cryo Cincin Mage's pets carried her and her comrades into the sky and made a beeline for Chenyu Vale. Nadia and Vlad hugged each other, utterly terrified. Behind them, a spiderweb of blue silk encased the entire Harbor. Vlad shivered, staring at Northland Bank.

"Why?" he asked, "Why did she attack us?"

"Tubby once told her, 'Fatuis like Tartaglia are a real headache,'" Cryo said, "Shenhe decided weeding them all out was the most efficient choice."

As her pets lowered them into the square of Qiaoying Village, Cryo paused to catch her breath. Barely a month with her Vision and she was already pushing herself to the limit. Gaming entered the town only moments later with a bunch of refugees behind him. As soon as he dropped everyone off, he rushed back to Liyue Harbor. Cryo managed a grin. She couldn't let that cheeky upstart outdo her.

"Cryo!" she turned to the voice. Furina raced towards her, her eyes in a panic. Cryo rushed to meet her, seizing her friend by the forearms. "Fontaine has fallen!"

"It's true," cried a high-pitched voice. Cryo looked at the voice. Furina's Hydro pets carried three shivering Melusines. The one speaking she recognized as Aeval. For some reason, Miss Aeval now wore pants.

Aeval sniffled, "First the scary fashion lady made all of us Melusines put on these itchy shorts. Then, Big Sis Ling Ling abducted Neuvillette!"

Cryo paled. "Xiangling kidnapped Neuvillette?"

"She's roasting him on a rotisserie!" The Melusines burst into tears. "I mean, he keeps putting out the fire so it's not like she's actually cooking him, but still! And just look at that!"

Aeval pointed her flipper across the waters to the distant waterfalls marking the Nation of Justice. The pristine blue waterfalls had changed into a reddish-brown hue that tumbled into the bay.

"The crazy cat girl turned the lake into tea! I mean, it's delicious but still!"

Furina patted Aeval's little head. She dabbed a handkerchief to her eyes, drying her tears.

"How's the city itself though?" asked Cryo.

"Covered in macarons," said Furina. "Everyone who hasn't escaped has been trapped in one of Clorinde's LARPs. If it wasn't the end of the world, I'd say her show's got impressive production value all things considered."

"Glad to know you approve," said Cryo dryly. "Come on, we've got people to save."

"Hold it!" called a voice. A brown-haired man with a yellow bandana jumped from the sky, landing between them. His face coated in sweat, his green eyes bulging, he took ragged breaths. "Furina, Sumeru …needs you. You're the only one who can…"

Sethos collapsed. Nadia and Vlad picked up the young man, slinging his arms around their shoulders.

"You two get going," said Nadia. "We'll take care of things here!"

Furina nodded, barreling off towards Sumeru City. Cryo Cincin Mage winced as a second pillar of ice erupted from the Harbor. Hopefully, that wasn't someone she knew.

"Miss Cryo," said Aeval, "What can we do?"

She was going to tell them to stay hidden when she got an idea.

"Is the Knave wreaking havoc in Fontaine?"

"Probably," she replied.

Okay, maybe this could work.

"Contact Yae Miko," said Cryo Cincin Mage. "Tell her about the macaron overload in Fontaine. She'll know what to do!"

Cryo Cincin Mage got a running start and leaped back onto her Cryo pets, ascending into the sky. She soared over Chenyu Vale, heading towards the Divine Maiden of Devastation. In the back of her mind, she prayed the others were okay.


Itto didn't like this one bit. Inazuma had gone crazy: the Raiden Shogun abducting all the sweets in Teyvat, Ayaka building a giant statue of Aether in the square, and Kirara spreading catnip across every corner of Teyvat. But none of that bothered him as much as the thing he now had to do.

Itto walked up the steps towards the one place he never went willingly: the Police Detention Center. As he approached, a Shogunate doushin glowered from the front gate. It felt weird, being on the outside for once.

"Hey Haruto," he said, putting on his best smile. "How you doing, man? How're the kids?"

"Well, my eldest son passed his certification exam and became a licensed chef. But then your deputy took his certificate."

"Oh, um… yeah, she's not herself lately…"

Haruto scowled, "And she didn't stop there. She took everyone's certificate."

"Everyone in the city?"

"Everyone in Teyvat," said Haruto.

Itto scoffed. "Come on. You can't mean everyone-everyone."

Haruto pointed behind Itto to a long line of disgruntled citizens filing complaints at the police box. People from every single nation in Teyvat filled the line: Fontaine's Chef Arouet, Liyue's Smiley Yanxao, and Mondstadt's Wagner.

Itto felt his stomach drop. Geeze-Louise! The heck, Shinobu?

"Um… sorry?" He said lamely. Haruto did not look amused.

"You got the bail money?"

Itto opened his wallet and counted his Mora.

Once they made the exchange, Haruto opened the cell, and out came Chibi Shinobu. The Oni glared at his deputy in disapproval.

"Why'd you do it, man?"

"My certificates become more valuable if I'm the only person who has one," explained Shinobu, "I can secure more jobs this way!"

Itto didn't know what to say. He was supposed to be the dumb but loveable one who got into trouble while she bailed him out. Now, here he was being the responsible person for once! Truly, the world was ending.

He caught her in the butterfly net and sent her away. Before he could relax, Sara came running up the steps.

"We've got another problem," she said. "Lady Kokomi has stolen every artifact with the energy recharge stat in Teyvat."

"Coming," he groaned.

He never imagined he'd be working alongside Sara Kujo. The world really was coming to an end.


Klee bounced along the grass. Master Jean told her to get the Poor Hat Lady and Klee was getting close. Master Jean said that if Klee did a good job, they'd go fish blasting all day. Klee had to do a good job.

Crouching beneath the shrubs, Klee inched her way closer. Miss Poor Hat Lady stood in a hillichurl camp over a great big bowl. She was tossing in a whole bunch of stuff into the soup: Slime Condensate, Slime Condensate, Slime Condensate, Slime Condensate. Miss Poor Hat Lady had a whole city of prison cells stuffed with Hydro Slimes! Wow, she must be trying to cook every Hydro Slime in Teyvat!

Klee got up close, taking out her butterfly net. Good thing she caught little bugs with Razor all the time because Miss Poor Hat Lady looked like miss Paimon except with a super big head!

Klee pounced, bringing the net down. Miss Poor Hat Lady squirmed around for a while. She said a bunch of bad words that Klee didn't like but went quiet when she saw Klee.

"Oh, hello Klee," she said. "Sorry you heard that."

"Those are bad words," said Klee. "Miss Jean says that anyone who swears in front of Klee has to put Mora in Klee's swear jar."

Miss Poor Hat Lady got panicked. "No, please! I spent this month's allowance on astrological tools!"

"Hmm, well, okay. Since you're sorry, I guess it's okay."

Miss Poor Hat Lady looked happy. She glanced at her soup.

"Could I at least finish exterminating every Hydro Slime in Teyvat?"

"Miss Jean says you go straight to time out. Bye-bye!"

With a screech, Chibi Mona dissipated into the pocket dimension. Klee clapped cheerfully. "Yay, I did it!"

She did a celebratory dance with Dodoco. Then, she hurried to the next job.


Mika was in a Petri dish with a giant microscope hanging over him. All his years with the Knights hadn't prepared him for this. Miss Sucrose adjusted the lens.

"Fascinating specimen," she observed.

He was saved when Diluc snuck up behind Sucrose and caught her in the net. The red-haired man scoffed at Mika.

"Knights of Favonius, effective as ever I see."

When he opened the dish, Mika returned to normal size. The young scout bowed his head, ashamed he'd been caught off guard so easily.

At that moment, a man crashed through the window and into the lab. It was Razor. He had spirals where his eyes should've been.

"She's coming," he said.

The three turned to face the window where a giant dark cloud fell over them. Their world erupted into bright violet light as a sultry giggle lit up the room.


Kaeya had a plan. He had no idea if it would work though. Well, he always was a gambler. Decked in the costume he'd worn on that Summer Vacation a while back, he snuck past the raven statues and entered the throne room. Fischl—or that thing that looked like Fischl—glared at him.

"Halt," commanded the Prinzessin. "Whost darest intrude upon the glory of the Immernachtreich?"

Well, time to exercise his acting chops. Kaeya took a knee.

"Hail the Prinzessin, one is but a lowly knight from a far-off land. Tales of your ventures hath reached mine kingdom. One wishes to pledge his service to thee."

"Wherest forth do you come?"

"From a land south of yours, milady. A kingdom that is no more. We have been destroyed by a beast most foul. Beast of the World: Gesamtkunstwerk."

"I know this beast. Long has it plagued the sanctity of the Immernachtreich. It hath been mine mission to destroy it."

"Let me share that mission, your grace," he said. "I wish for vengeance."

"Hmph. Very well. Ride out to battle with me, knight. Show me where the Beast lies, and I shalt wipe it from existence."


From the Shrine of Surasthana, Nahida watched in horror at the chaos besieging her nation. Every person in Sumeru City had been caught in a dancing fever. They boogied—young and old, rich and poor, student and professors—to the rhythm of Chibi Nilou's dance. Even Wanderer, who looked like he wanted nothing more than to slit his own throat, was flossing.

It was kind of cute. If only she had a camera, but she too had been captured in the dance spell. She could only breakdance helplessly. On the bright side, this was probably great exercise.

"Kill me," he grumbled.

"If you hate dancing so much, you can always just evacuate with everyone else," she said.

He snorted. "You'd fall apart without me."

"Aww, you do care."

His eyebrow twitched in consternation.

"Kusunali!" cried a voice. The scribe Alhaitham came rushing up to her side. Well, not rushing—he went slowly, foot by foot caught in a dance move that involved gyrating his posterior repeatedly. Judging by his expression, he shared Wanderer's embarrassment. It took all her godly might not to burst out laughing.

"Alhaitham, report!"

"The evacuation has been a success. Those outside of Sumeru City no longer suffer the dance fever. Kaveh captured Faruzan who kidnapped people to turn into her students. He's heading to Gandharvaville to see how Tignari's doing."

"And Dehya?"

"Handling Candace in Aaru Village."

"Where's Cyno?"

"Here!" The General Mahamatra came up to them doing the Macarena. "I captured Layla but it was already too late. She's done the unthinkable."

"What?!"

"She's completed academic credits worth fifty students. Even if our nation recovers, she's wrecked the grade curve permanently!"

"Never mind that," said Nahida. "What about Nilou?"

"Sethos and I tried getting close, but the dancing only got crazier. Sethos went to get back up, but I don't know when they'll return!"

"Come on then! We'll meet the reinforcements outside the city."

Cyno, Alhaitham, Wanderer, and Nahida formed a conga line and kick-stepped their way out of the library. With Alhatham leading the dance, they made their way very painstakingly out of the Akademiya towards the Grand Bazaar. Bringing up the rear, Nahida could only pray the other Archons were okay.


Zhongli had fought in many wars. Now though, he had been sealed within a glass-lidded coffin. Though he pressed against the lid, escape proved impossible. There were others trapped in coffins beside him: Baizhu, Qiqi, Andrius, Dvalin, Madame Ping, Mountain Carver, Mountain Shaper, and even Xiao.

He glowered at their captor. Miss Hu Tao, with her inflated head, beamed as her legion of ghosts dug out graves for them all while humming innocently. The funeral parlor director had always been fond of games. This time though, she'd taken it much too far.

"Miss Hu Tao, stop this madness at once!"

She just giggled.

"Can't~ See you all broke the natural laws of life and death by living way longer than anyone should! That means I got to bury you jerks—literally bury you into the earth! Don't worry your widdle heads, death is just another step in life's grand stage!"

There was no reasoning with her. Hu Tao had become twisted beyond all recognition. But perhaps, he could still reach her somehow.

"Miss Hu Tao," he said more gently, "I know we've had our differences, but you can't do this."

"Why not?"

"Because it's murder. That's illegal."

Hu Tao cocked her head, as though the idea never even struck her. "Huh, I guess so. Well, I'd better let you guys go. All except you, Old Yeller."

The ghosts seized Andrius' coffin and carried him towards the ledge where they dumped him into the pit.

"Alright! Now let's begin the crossing over."

Hu Tao opened a book of rites when suddenly a giant violet raven came flying over the mountains. Riding the raven, came a Chibi Fischl. She pointed her finger at Chibi Hu Tao.

"Foul beast, thou shalt face annihilation!"

The raven charged into Hu Tao with a force that shook the trees. They ascended into the sky. Fireworks of thunder and flame erupted through the clouds. Hu Tao's ghosts clashed with violet ravens creating overload explosions that ripped the stars.

Someone came up beside his coffin and lockpicked it open. Zhongli found an eyepatched man—that Kaeya fellow if he recalled correctly—holding out a hand to him. Kaeya helped him to his feet and then turned to the next coffin while speaking.

"Thought I'd use our Prinzessin to lend a hand in Liyue. Looks like you could use it."

"What is this?" asked Xiao. "How did they beat us so completely?"

"They have reality-bending powers now," said Kaeya. "But they aren't unstoppable."

He tossed them each a butterfly net. Xiao looked skeptically at the thing but kept his thoughts to himself. Kaeya explained how this was happening all over the world. Nobody knew how or why, but several ladies had become these reality-bending monstrosities with only vague memories of their former selves.

"Long story short," said the knight. "We've got a mess to clean up. I'm going to wait till the girls tire out and swoop in."

"I'll help too," said Xiao.

"You're needed in Liyue," he said jerking a thumb to the harbor.

They all gasped. The Harbor had been covered entirely in blue threads. Chibi Keqing built a twenty-story monument to Aether in the middle of the town square. The Northland Bank, and all of its workers, had been frozen alive within a giant iceberg. Chibi Yafei hung her most frustrating clients from giblets, where she lectured them ceaselessly on the law. Opera and rock blared from opposite ends of the harbor. Chibi Yun Jin and Chibi Xinyan unleashed a flood of musical notes in their battle which flooded the oceans, pushing back Beidou's fleet towards Inazuma.

Also, Xianyun put Ganyu and Shenhe's baby pictures on every windowsill.

Madame Ping and the Adeptus started towards the harbor when Kaeya cleared his throat. "When we were flying over, I spotted Miss Ganyu grazing on qingxin near Aoczang. Somebody better stop her because, at the rate she's going, she'll eat all of the qingxin in Liyue."

Xiao teleported away. Once they dug out Andrius, he fled to Mondstadt followed by Dvalin.

Zhongli and the adepti marched towards Liyue. As he left Kaeya behind, he made a vow. Not only would he restore Liyue, but he would also figure out the culprit behind this madness. Then, he'd wring their stupid neck.

A shadow fell over him. Looking up, he spotted the Jade Chamber soaring towards Dragonspire. Its mighty ballista canons lit up. They carved kanji into the snowy mountainside. A short message that simply said: Suck it, Morax. The Jade Chamber proceeded to carve the same message across all Liyue's valleys and mountains.

Mountain Shaper headed for the Chamber. Meanwhile, Zhongli felt a very acute migraine coming on. He could only wonder: How were the other Archons handling this?


Venti was in a special kind of hell. Locked in a cell, he could only watch as down below every last drop of alcohol in Mondstadt went down the maws of glutinous monsters. Those things that looked like people guzzled down more alcohol than a nation could in a decade. All that wine went to waste.

"Venti?"

Behind him, Noelle and a Mirror Maiden stood outside. To his relief, they had not been afflicted by the crazy disease going around. Noelle grabbed the bars and pried them apart. Venti stepped out, full of determination.

"Come on," he growled. "We're saving my booze."

"You mean Mondstadt?"

"Yeah, that too."

Mirror Maiden handed him a net. The trio made their way out of the prison into the square. Wine trickled through the streets, flowing like a magnificent river into the sippy straws of two seriously deformed ladies: Rosaria and Eula.

Venti charged them. Together, they caught them in those nets. Just as he turned to his precious alcohol, ready to dive in face-first, something fell from the sky, plummeting into the river with a huge splash. A man floated up to the surface: Diluc.

Noelle dredged him out and resuscitated him.

He only muttered one word. "Run."

Too late. Electric cages ensnared Noelle, Diluc, and Mirror Maiden, hoisting them up into the dark clouds which thrummed with a sultry voice that sang, "Ara ara~"

Venti peeked out from the alcohol river. Looked like it was up to him now. If there was anyone else left in Mondstadt, he could only pray they were okay. Hopefully, the other Nations weren't doing too bad.


As she emerged from the tunnel, Furina spotted a familiar red cape. That was Kaveh at the end of the road, just standing in front of a mountain. She called to him, but he didn't respond. He was far too busy staring at the mountain. Furina ran up to him once again calling to him. He never budged, even when she was right by his side shaking him.

Then Furina went still. That thing before them was no mountain.

They stood before what was once Gandharvaville. Now, there was only a sea of Pita Pockets piled up to the sky. More of them trickled down the Pita Pocket mountainside, flowing like lava across all of Sumeru.

Up from the ledge, came Tighnari and Amber riding Sumpter Beasts towards them. Behind them, a flood of Pita Pockets.

"Get on!" shouted Tighnari as he scooped up Kaveh and slung him onto his ride. Amber caught Furina by the wrist and slung her onto her mount. The Sumpter Beasts raced for the river where the Pita Pockets would become soggy. Once they crossed over, those snacks stopped. They turned their attention to Avidiya Forest and rolled off into the trees.

"What's going on?" exclaimed Furina.

"Collei," said Amber. "She's always wanted to be helpful to others. Now, she's making enough Pita Pockets to drown all Teyvat!"

Furina swallowed. "W-well, Sethos said they need me in Sumeru City?"

"That's right," said Kaveh suddenly back to life. "Come on, I'll take you there!"

"You two go on ahead," said Tighnari, "We're staying here and saving Collei."

Kaveh escorted her up the winding dirt road. He briefly explained the crisis involving a dancing fever. With Yun Jin and Eula out, Furina was their only hope now.

As they approached the city, strange music poured over them—a goofy party song. Those instruments sounded like polka. It took her a moment to place it: Der Ententanz, the famous chicken dance song! They met Nahida and the others on the outskirts of the city, stuck in a wacky chicken dance. Soon, the spell struck her and Kaveh. They too joined the dance.

"Hello," said Nahida between claps. "As you can see, we're having some trouble."

"Please kill me," grumbled Wanderer.

Kaveh snickered at Alhaitham. The scribe looked none too happy about his condition. Cyno seemed kind of into it now, really going out on the moves. In another life, maybe he could've been a performer, she thought.

Between the chorus, they danced on down into the base of the great tree, through the doors of the Grand Bazaar. Cyno and the others stopped by the entrance.

"We can't get closer," said the Mahamatra between bootie shakes, "the dancing, it's too much for us nonthespians. It nearly killed Sethos."

"Stand back," said Furina, "I've got this."

Cyno tossed her a butterfly net. Taking it, Furina knelt till her heels touched her posterior. She shuffled forward on the balls of her feet, moving in time with the beat. Her duck step brought her through the marketplace and into the square when the chorus hit again. Once more, she got trapped in that dance sequence: talking hands, chicken armpits, bootie wiggle, clap.

Furina grimaced. The interlude was still a way off. If she didn't get moving soon, she'd be stuck here until she danced to death. And Furina most certainly wouldn't let herself die while dancing to Der Ententanz.

She tried switching to a different dance move, but the music forced her to continue that juvenile dance. It wanted her to do these dance moves which would keep her immobile.

Furina tucked the net under her armpit. The thespian expertly combined chicken dance mixed with cane dancing by utilizing the net as a makeshift cane. This gave her some degree of control over her movements. She added in a traveling tap dance, which finally pushed her beyond the markets and into the square.

Her feet focused on the dance steps while the rest of her body went through the sequence: talking hands, chicken armpits, bootie wiggle, clap. It required her utmost concentration. No performer in all Teyvat could've done it—none, save Fontaine's brightest star.

Finally, she started moving through the square towards the fountain.

Up on the stage, Chibi Nilou danced elegantly, music emanating from her every step. Furina tapped her way onto the stage as the chorus shifted into the interlude. She brought the net down on Chibi Nilou.

The music went silent. "Thanks, everyone, you've been a great audience!" Chibi Nilou disappeared to that other Realm.

Nahida and the others came rushing inside, eyes wide with amazement. The former Hydro Archon took a moment to compose herself. Tossing back her hair, she proudly declared, "See? Told you I got this."


Yae Miko had a rather pleasant time chatting with Chibi Ei. She was so utterly adorable, like a little child. Truly, Chibi Ei brought Ei's childish qualities to the forefront. They sat in Euthymia atop a mountain of sweets.

"For the sake of eternity," said Chibi Ei. "I have taken every dessert in Teyvat!"

"I see you have," said Miko. "Very impressive."

Yae Miko sipped her tea, enjoying herself.

"By the way," said the Shrine Maiden, "I hear that Fontaine's drowning in macarons. Are those treats a part of your eternity as well?"

"Untouched deserts?!"


Venti had no idea what to expect when he and Dvalin flew into the Ara-Ara Clouds. A torture chamber, perhaps? A lab of horrendous human experiments? Possibly. Instead, he found something no god could have expected.

The clouds formed a quaint little living room. Chibi Lisa's hostages sat around a table having a tea party. Noelle and Mirror Maiden wore adorable dresses. Their cheeks had been done up with blush. Their eyelashes had big fake extensions. Otherwise, they didn't look too unhappy.

The same could not be said for Razor. His long hair had been cut short, and finely combed. He wore a dapper little suit that made him look like a butler. He squirmed, uncomfortable in the formal wear. Across from him, Diluc's scowling face poked out from a pink teddy bear costume. Teacups flew into everyone's hands. Master Diluc's teddy bear paws fumbled with the cup. Lacking thumbs and fingers, he had no way to reliably hold it. The costume didn't give him enough mobility to step up and the zipper was on the back. Diluc couldn't reach it, much less open it. Venti had never seen a man look more embarrassed in all his life.

Then he spotted poor Mika. The young man had been dressed up in Aether's clothes and now sat in Chibi Lisa's lap. She patted his head while humming sweetly.

"L-Lisa," he groaned, "Please don't do this…"

"Now, now, cutie," she said. "Let me dote on you"

"But I'm not Aether! Please, this is embarrassing!"

Diluc snorted. "Yes, clearly you've got it the worst here."

Venti slipped behind a counter. Peeking out, he managed to catch Noelle's eye. He spoke through his sight: Distract her. The young maid/knight got the message.

"This tea is wonderful, Lisa," she said. "Thank you for inviting us."

Chibi Lisa smiled. "It's my pleasure, cutie."

Noelle made small talk with her while Venti inched his way closer and closer. By now, Diluc and Mirror Maiden saw Venti too and joined in the conversation. Together, they distracted the doting librarian, talking about the weather, gossiping, and speaking about all sorts of things.

Venti brought down the net and caught her. Chibi Lisa simply giggled before vanishing into that other Realm. He let out a sigh of relief. The bard shot his companions a winning grin.

"Hello, everyone! I've come to return you from the clouds back to blessed land. I'm glad you're all okay."

Diluc gave a very pointed cough.

Razor sniffled. "Razor… miss…hair."

"Hair grows back," said Venti.

He glanced out the cloud windows. Down below, Jean rode atop Andrius towards Fontaine. Mondstadt had been saved. Now, the other nations needed saving.

The bard produced a camera and got an excellent photograph of the teddy bear Diluc. Venti waggled the photograph before the man.

"So, what're you willing to do to keep this out of Kaeya's hands?"

"Free wine at Angel's Share for life," he answered without hesitation.

With a chuckle, Venti tucked the photograph into his hat. Perhaps this day wasn't a total loss after all.


Charlotte had a duty to document the end of the world, but this was a little too much. Hiding behind the Opera Epiclese, she snapped photographs of her beloved nation on the brink of ruin. Macarons flooded the city, spilling into the aquebus lines. The surrounding lake had been transformed into tea. Chibi Lynette sat on the beach, sipping her lovely tea. Fontaine citizens evacuated to the Fortress of Meripede. Those who stayed behind were trapped in Chibi Clorinde's LARP game.

Charlotte winced as the sound of an inferno roared. She peeked around the corner and spotted Chibi Arlecchino using her black flames on the Opera Epiclese. She burned a message across the building which simply read: Screw you, 'Mother.'

Finished, Chibi Arlecchino admired her work.

The ground shuddered. From the southeast, flying at a breakneck speed came a white figure pursued by an avalanche. Charlotte got a closer look through her camera lens. It was Cryo Cincin Mage, fleeing atop her pets. Behind her, Chibi Shenhe rode the avalanche, hurling snowballs.

As they crossed into the tea waters of Fontaine, Cryo Cincin Mage made a beeline for Chibi Lynette. Upon seeing the new Fatui, Chibi Shenhe rushed the laconic catgirl. Chibi Lynette growled, "You shall not ruin tea time!" She surfed atop a tea tsunami, riding out to meet the avalanche. Ice and tea clashed. Specks of crystal snow and tea water rained over Fontaine.

"Whoa," said Charlotte.

She tried getting closer when she tripped, alerting Chibi Arlecchino. The Knave stared at her. Charlotte's life flashed before her eyes.

Suddenly, lightning ripped apart the sky. Chibi Raiden Ei descended shouting, "The desserts will be mine!" Chibi Navia flew out to meet this new opponent. Her booba blade clashed with Navia's umbrella cannon. Macarons and electricity swirled across the air.

Chibi Arlecchino started towards Chibi Shenhe. "No one hurts my bebes."

Bebes?! Charlotte never thought she'd hear Arlecchino speak with that inflection. Chibi Arlecchino crossed the courtyard when a figure stepped out from behind the fountain. With long pink hair and a sultry smile, the shrine maiden waved coyly at Chibi Arlecchino.

"Hello, Perry," she said. Chibi Arlecchino went pale. Yae Miko produced a butterfly net. "Tell you what, dear. You get inside this, and I promise not to tease you."

Chibi Arlecchino raced into the butterfly net and vanished in the span of a second. Yae Miko chuckled. The shrine maiden sat down on a bench and opened a light novel. She perused the pages.

"Thanks for the save, Ms. Miko," said Charlotte. "We still have to save Fontaine from Chibi Clorinde."

"Hmm? Oh, that's being dealt with."

Charlotte zoomed in with her camera. She noticed something peculiar about the players. It took her a moment to recognize her with her hair down. Yoimiya rolled the dice in her hand.

"I roll a nat-20 to catch the gamemaster and end the game!"

She got the roll. Yoimiya caught Chibi Clorinde in the net, ending the game.

A wind blew over them as reinforcements from Mondstadt charged over the horizon. The giant green dragon flew to the warring Chibis. Andrius the Wolf God raced to free Neuvillette from Chibi Xiangling's rotisserie. Charlotte adjusted her camera lens. As a journalist, she had a duty to document this to the end.


Apocalypse Averted by Charlotte

The combined efforts of the UHA and UBA (as well as some intervention from Timmie Lord of Birds/Satan God of Birds) thwarted the Chibi Apocalypse that threatened to destroy Teyvat. All Chibi persons were contained and successfully rehabilitated. After this, Timmie Lord of Birds/Satan God of Birds used his mighty powers to reverse all the damage caused by this incident as well as the memories of this incident. All Teyvat citizens outside of the UHA and UBA will no longer remember this catastrophe.

An investigation soon revealed the cause of this disaster: freaking Ajaw messed with Sucrose's lab science. The UHA and UBA subpoenaed K'uhul Ajaw to testify before a joint Congress. Although he apologized, Ajaw demonstrated noticeable contempt for Congress. He said, "Well, why the heck were you guys ignoring me?! Maybe you got what you deserved!" Following this, the UHA and UBA assembled their justices to determine a fitting punishment for Ajaw's actions.

The judiciary panel consisted of Neuvillette, Aeval, Scylla, Consigliere, Wagner, Manly Jack, Lingyuan, Kujo Kamajii, Hiiragi Chisato, Andrius, and Night Pilot. The panel sentenced Ajaw to 1-hour Teyvat's time in the time-dilated Plane of Euthymia which comes out to 500 years in the Plane. During his time in isolation, Ajaw will undergo anger management classes. Should he demonstrate sufficient remorse in one hour, his sentence will be shortened.

Upon hearing this, Ajaw growled, "You think you worms can contain the mighty K'uhul Ajaw?! I'll eat your putrid souls!"

In response to these comments, the judges sentenced Ajaw to a year's worth of mandatory dog discipline training at the community center, 10 years of community service, and 5 minutes in a locked room with Yae Miko.

Moreover, justices Andrius and Neuvillette noted that Ajaw displays aggression common to young dogs and tomcats. They recommended neutering. The other justices concurred unanimously. As Night Pilot explained, "I'm sorry but when you screw up this bad, you should lose your testicle privileges."

Ajaw turned to Kinich, demanding he tell the judges to go shove it. However, Kinich proved amenable to the suggestion. He said, "Huh, I never thought about that before. If it makes him less loud, I'd agree to it, sure."

Ajaw became more compliant. "Come on guys, we don't need to go that far. P-please, don't take my balls."

The judges pushed for the neutering punishment but relented when they couldn't schedule an appointment with the vet within the next working week. They decreed that should Ajaw fail to show attitude improvement following his time in Euthymia, the neutering punishment would be carried out when the veterinarian offices had an opening.


Aether and Paimon lay on their sleeping bags beneath the Natlan night stars. The dying campfire cast its dim glow between them. Not far off, their Saurian companion snored on its cute little belly. Aether sat awake.

"Hey, Paimon? Do you think the girls are okay?"

"That's the third time you've asked!" Paimon said, rolling her eyes. "Paimon is sure they're just fine."

"I don't know. I can't help feeling like something's wrong."

"You're just being paranoid. They're probably having tea parties and eating sweets right now!"

He chuckled. "Yeah, maybe you're right."

"Of course Paimon is right! Now go to sleep. We've got a big day tomorrow."

"Alright. Goodnight Paimon."

Aether closed his eyes and dreamed about all the wonderful parties his women were probably having. They were lucky. Rather than roughing it out in the wild and worrying about the fate of Teyvat, they got to take it easy every day.