-March 20,1820 -

Genevieve's words stayed with Pen, playing over and over in her head, as she rode in her carriage to Lady Danbury's ball.

She felt a little nervous, and chuckled to herself. She was hardly a new debutante. As a widow, she would most likely be ignored by most of the ton. Luckily, she knew Eloise and some other friends would be there.

Women had been her main company since Lord Debling went on his voyage. Prior to his departure, they had hosted many guests, couples he had known for years and many who shared his interests in vegetarianism, preserving nature and exploration.

When he left, she felt more comfortable inviting women on extended stays for company. Eloise was often a guest for months, enjoying the freedom to pursue her own interests. Spinsters, widows and married women who rarely saw their husbands made up most of her circle of friends.

Entering the ball, she was reminded of her third season. Finally wearing clothing of her own choice, her hair styled in sleek, large waves instead of tight curls. Tonight she was even had on a gown in a similar shade as one of those old ones, a deep teal green.

"Pen!" Eloise smiled at her, crowding against her side in a way that instantly put her at ease. She launched immediately into talking about a book she was reading.

Letting Eloise's babble wash over her, Pen nodded occasionally but her eyes were mostly scanning over the room.

Around the room, people tended to clump with others who were similar. Debutantes tittering away together, sharing shy glances with groups of eligible bachelors. Married couples chatting with other married couples. Widows and spinsters in their own clusters, often near the walls.

"Lady Debling," a voice to her side broke through Eloise's chatter.

Turning, Pen gave Lady Danbury a small curtsy. "This is a lovely ball, Lady Danbury. Thank you for inviting me."

"Nonsense," the older widow said with a smile, to soften her words. "I've always liked you. You are far more intelligent than the rest of your family."

It was the type of compliment that Pen agreed with, but was socially conditioned to chuckle and protest.

It was then that she spotted another familiar face, on the far side of the room. Colin Bridgerton. She was a little surprised, since whenever Eloise mentioned him in passing, it seemed like he was travelling almost constantly in recent years. She truly hadn't expected to see him this season.

"Your brother returns, I see," Lady Danbury commented to Eloise. "I've always found it a bit particular that he has not married yet. Is he not thirty years old by now?"

Eloise scoffed. "He is rarely in town long enough to form any deep attachments. Our mother still makes us show up at most large events, to dance a few times. Keep up appearances."

Lady Danbury chuckled at that. "So, she hasn't given up on either of you. I'll have to review some prospects with her."

Eloise groaned into Pen's ear as Lady Danbury strode towards her mother with keen purpose, her walking stick thumping along with each step. "At times like this I particularly miss your country estate. Somewhere I can hide away from these machinations."

Pen was mostly amused. "You are always welcome in the guest room of my new lodgings, but it's harder to avoid your mother in the same city."

"Pen!"

A deep voice made her spin again, and she was shocked to see Colin standing so close by her side. She hadn't noticed him move across the room.

He grinned at her, and then his mouth dropped open. "Oh, I mean Miss Feathering- um… Lady Debling."

She gave him a polite nod. "You can still call me Penelope, Colin. We have known each other too long to revert back to formalities."

That brought his smile back, and she felt a ping of her old feelings towards him deep down inside. Long buried, but apparently never completely forgotten. But perhaps that was always the way one felt towards your first crush.

"Shall we dance?"

The question reminded her of all those balls years ago, when the only dance she had for the whole, long night would be with him. She nodded, holding out her gloved hand to him.

Dancing with him again felt so familiar. He appeared much the same, still tall and handsome, a little more tanned from his travels than other men of the ton. She felt oddly tongue-tied, not knowing enough about what he had been doing lately to ask any questions.

Colin seemed to be suffering from a similar condition, his mouth opening as if he was going to speak, but then closing it again.

When the dance ended, he guided her back to his sister.

"Thank you, Colin," Pen said, feeling a bit unsettled. "Perhaps you could come over for dinner sometime with Eloise, so we can catch up."

He beamed at that, nodding happily in a way that made him look much younger than his years. "That would be most welcome, Penelope. I look forward to receiving your invitation."

Eloise chuckled as he walked away. "I don't know why you are bothering rekindling that friendship. It's not like you two were exchanging letters when he travelled anymore or anything."

Pen shrugged a shoulder. "It wouldn't have been proper to continue our friendship once I got married, especially after my husband went away. But why not now? Your brother is harmless."

"You have both changed in the last five years. You have learned a lot and matured, whereas he seems to be more moody, keeping more to himself."

Eloise was always a blunt speaker, rarely sugar-coating anything. Pen gazed at her, trying to judge if she meant what she said about Colin, or if the words were tainted by their sibling relationship. She couldn't really tell.

"Would you like to walk to the refreshment table?" Pen eventually asked, feeling a bit thirsty.

"God no," Eloise grimaced. "Lord Fife is over there, and he always tries to flirt with me. It's enough to turn my stomach."

Pen chuckled as Eloise headed off in the other direction, likely seeking out Kate, her favourite in-law.

Sipping a small glass of lemonade, Pen scanned over the room, and considered leaving the ball. It had taken a lot to come here on her own. Not sure how it would feel to face the ton as a young widow.

"Lady Debling, may I have the next dance?"

She had been so lost in her thoughts, she had missed a gentleman moving to stand in front of her.

"Oh, Lord Ambrose," she said quickly, and felt too awkward to do anything but hold her hand out to him as she curtsied.

At the end of the dance, another man came forward, and then another. Lord Barnell, a man she had awkwardly chatted with in her third season. Lord Corning, who danced often with her friend Edwina. Lord Dorset, who had seemed fascinated by Kate. The last dance had been with Lord Lumley, who once had been interested in Eloise. Afterwards, she excused herself, seeking out a washroom. It was all a bit too much to take in.

Slipping out afterwards, she rode home in her carriage, her feet pleasantly sore from all the dancing.

It was kind of amusing, really, how small the ton was. She knew most of these men from watching them as Lady Whistledown all those years ago. Seeing how they treated her friends. None of them really sparked her interest, but it was fun to just dance for the sake of dancing. She had never done it so much at a ball before.

Perhaps part of it was her mother's reduced presence at social functions. She split her time between her elder daughters' houses, enjoying her grandchildren. She had some health set backs in recent years and didn't go out much anymore.

Without her siblings and mother's presence, she felt even more free to be herself. Herself now. Whoever that was.…

-A/N: Penelope finding her way in society…