-June 5, 1820-
"Why Colin?" Eloise sat down on the garden bench beside Pen.
Pen put down her book, peering at her best friend. Was she going to object to Colin courting her?
"Um, because I like him?"
Eloise rolled her eyes. "But you can do so much better! Take Lord Dorset. He's travelled further than Colin has."
Pen nodded, pondering her point. "And I know Colin enjoys reading and writes in his journal, but he has nowhere near Lord Lumley's knowledge of literature."
"Exactly!" Eloise exclaimed. "You would think the former Lady Whistledown would place a high value on that."
Pen chuckled, looking around the garden as she considered what to say next. "Mr. Worthington is a second son, but he's made his own fortune and helps kids get educated."
"Whereas Colin, a third son, has spent his time flirting with debutantes and travelling," Eloise said, her tone clearly expressing how unimpressed she was with her brother. "Sheesh, you really have a type, don't you? They are all quite tall, with dark hair."
"And very handsome," Pen added, mostly to see her friend's face screwed up in disgust at considering her brother that way. "Colin could do better than me, as well, if we just look at accomplishments without the most important factor. Deeper feelings. A connection."
Eloise let out an overly dramatic sigh. "I suppose."
Pen took her friend's hand, and looked directly in her eyes. "Tell me truthfully, Eloise. Does it bother you that we are courting?"
Eloise dropped her gaze. "I did wonder how long you had feelings for him, and if that is why we became friends."
Pen shook her head. "I was friends with you first, and then with Colin. But I will confess I had a girlhood crush on him for a little while."
Eloise squeezed her hand before letting go. "And you obviously grew out of that and got married to Lord Debling." She sighed, looking at the flowers in the garden. "If Colin doesn't completely bungle this up, I could end up with you as my sister. That is a very good thing."
Feeling relieved, Pen hugged Eloise tight. "Very good, indeed."
When she let go, Pen gave her a playful glance. "I suppose you want to be my bridesmaid, if I eventually agree to marry him? Since you brought us together?"
Eloise shook her head. "Must I? I don't require such public recognition of the role I played. Having you two forever in my debt will be enough."
They both laughed, and Pen was happy that her dear friend was comfortable with the idea of Colin being her husband. Even if Pen wasn't quite there herself.
…
-June 11, 1820-
The applause was long and loud, with the performers taking many bows. Eventually it calmed and the curtain came down, ending the play.
Colin gave Penelope's hand a squeeze. He had been holding it all night, and it just felt right.
"Want to go get something to eat?" he asked, helping her to her feet.
Pen chuckled. "You are always hungry. But yes, that would be nice."
It was still a bit of a novelty, attending these large, public events with Colin at her side. As they exited the theatre, she saw many familiar faces from the balls she had attended over the years. It was polite to exchange a small nod of acknowledgement with them.
But Pen also noticed the way other people looked them over, likely seeing that they were holding hands, or Pen had her arm tucked around his, cuddling against his side as they walked. They were presenting themselves as a courting couple, not just as friends. And people were noticing.
Colin was very solicitous, helping her drape her wrap over her shoulders, his hand on the small of her back to guide her through narrow doorways.
"You wore the necklace," Colin said, his eyes dropping to the elaborate white gold and aquamarine pendent resting an inch above her cleavage.
They had just taken their seats in a crowded restaurant in the theatre district. It would take a while to get their food, but neither minded, just enjoying their time together.
Pen gave him a warm smile as her free hand caressed over it. "Of course. I love your gift. Plus, it matches my gown." She was wearing a silver dress with delicate blue embroidery over the bodice.
Colin's gaze went over her upper body appreciatively, before meeting her's with a flirty smile. "I would say it compliments it perfectly."
Feeling her face flushing, Pen was glad of the candlelight at each table, knowing it wouldn't show that much. Colin, being so affectionate in public, was still something she was getting used to. As were the gifts he brought each time he saw her. Most of them were small tokens, like flowers or a box of macarons in her favourite flavours. But occasionally he gave her a more elaborately wrapped present, sitting beside her as she unwrapped it, watching for her reaction eagerly.
Colin reached across the table, taking her hand in his. "I know I told you I bought it in Greece, but I didn't tell you the whole story."
"Oh really?" Pen leaned forward, enjoying just having this time to talk with Colin. Getting to hear all the things he had done the last five years, when they were out of touch.
"I saw it in a bazaar, and the beautiful blue colour of the stones reminded me of your eyes. I bought it, just for that reason," Colin confessed. "It was a bit foolish of me, since you were married and there was no way I could ever give it to you."
Pen squeezed his hand, very touched by what he had just said. The server came by, delivering their wine and some bread. As Pen buttered a slice of it, she thought of Colin thinking of her, during that time. It still seemed shocking that he had cared for her in that way for so many years.
"The necklace will mean even more to me now, knowing all that."
Colin smiled at her, looking quite happy. Since he had started courting her, the other suitors had stepped back. This had calmed him down considerably, knowing he had her full attention. He seemed more like her friend, talking with her easily, but being more affectionate.
"Did you enjoy the play?" Colin asked, after the server had delivered their meals.
Pen nodded, enjoying her roast chicken. "It has been years since I last went to a Shakespeare play."
Colin smiled back at her. "His words still resonate, two hundred years after he wrote them. The course of true love never did run smooth."
"And then he gives a whole list of possible difficulties. Too big a difference in age or social class-"
"War, death, or sickness did lay siege to it,
Making it momentary as a sound,
Swift as a shadow, short as any dream…," Colin quoted.
Pen chuckled. "You have quite a good memory of the lines."
"I'm just happy to have this time to show you how I feel. It has been bottled up for so many years," Colin gave her a warm smile.
Taking another bite, Pen considered this as she chewed. Colin said his feelings came after their first kiss. But that was five years ago.
"Colin, I must confess I am a bit worried that you are in love with the past version of me, from all those years ago. We have both changed so much since then," Pen said calmly.
He nodded. "Yes, that is understandable. But I feel we have such a good foundation with our friendship, we understand each other still."
"Be that as it may," Pen argued back, "I want to dedicate some time to getting to know each other again. I want more details about your travels-"
"You do?" Colin's eyes were wide.
Pen grinned at his surprise. "Of course. They are important to you. I know quite a bit about your first trip from your letters, so how about we start with your second voyage? Come over to my place for dinner, and bring any maps and souvenirs from that time, if you still have them."
"And I want the details of your time on Debling's estate. You faced some big challenges there, and I want to know all about it," Colin agreed, looking quite excited at the plan.
As they finished up at the restaurant, Colin helped her with her wrap, and guided her outside.
It was a mild summer night, and the sky was full of stars. Colin wrapped his arm along her lower back, pulling her close against his side, as they walked down the street. It wasn't that far to her home.
Colin pulled her into the shadowy doorway, giving her a long thorough kiss, his arms wrapped tight around her. She tipped her head back, just enjoying it.
"Pen, you are so beautiful, so wonderful," he said softly, before leaning in for another long kiss.
It was different than the kisses they had shared in recent months in her bedroom. Hot, passionate kisses, when they were both very aroused, almost desperate for each other.
Colin's touch tonight was more delicate, holding her like a piece of fine china. He shifted to hugging her, stroking his hand over her back. "I don't want to let you go."
Pen pulled back, and gave him a light kiss. "Thank you for a lovely night, Colin. You will be back here at seven tomorrow?"
Colin nodded, reluctantly releasing her. He waited until she was safely inside before leaving.
Pen felt like she was practically floating as she went up to her bedroom. Her ladies maid helped her out of her clothes and undid her elaborate updo.
As Pen got under the covers, she went over every moment of the night. It had been the most perfect date. Such a handsome, attentive man, laughing with him during the play, sharing a meal and walking her home. Those sweet, tender kisses at the end, making her feel so cherished.
She was equally excited and nervous for their next dates. Being open and vulnerable about talking about their pasts. Getting to know each other again, in a much deeper way. Would anything come up that would change everything?
…
-June 17, 1820-
"It's your turn to tell me something I don't know about you now," Colin grinned, and held out a selection of sandwiches.
Pen added one to her plate, and took a bite. She considered what to say as she chewed.
As much as she enjoyed their fancy nights out to balls or the theatre, quiet days like this were wonderful as well. Going for a promenade, walking around an art gallery or museum, or a picnic, like today. Time together to just talk and really get to know each other again.
Colin had just told her about the first girl he had kissed. One of Daphne's friends, just a quick childhood kiss in the garden. He had imagined himself in love for a week, until he saw her give Benedict some candy, a sure sign her affection had moved on to his brother.
"Um… it feels odd to say this aloud, after keeping it a secret for so many years. But I suppose it is safe now since the King and Queen have passed," Pen said softly, and she even glanced around. They were quite separated from anyone else in the park. "I, um, was Lady Whistledown."
"What?!" Colin sat straight up from his reclining position against a few pillows. He stared down at her, completely shocked.
Pen chuckled, still lying comfortably on their picnic blanket, a pillow under her head. "You truly never suspected it was me? Never noticed the writing style was similar to all those letters I wrote when you went to Greece?"
He shook his head slowly, and she could tell he was thinking it over, searching his old memories. "But you wrote horrible things about me! About Eloise! Even yourself!"
Pen cringed a little at that, and laid a hand on his arm. "I was young and idealistic, and needed a voice. I'm not saying I didn't make mistakes, didn't hurt people, but I did tell the truth."
Colin eventually laid down beside her, staring up at the few fluffy clouds in the sky. "Well, I suppose in the end, it was for the best for me-"
"Because Marina was trying to trick you into marriage?"
He shook his head. "Yes, that news certainly turned me down another path. But I was thinking of the report that I was helping you find a husband. I was so worried about how you were taking it, knowing it made you look so bad in the ton. That's why I visited you in the garden that night. Why I bribed your maid to let me see you."
It was Pen's turn to sit up, shocked. "So, if I had never published that story, we wouldn't have been in that garden, and I never would have asked you to kiss me."
"Just as a friend…," Colin smirked.
"It wouldn't have to mean anything…," Pen grinned back.
Colin reached out his hand, and pulled her down to him. His kiss was so soft, gentle. Very similar to the one they had shared that night. A kiss that had triggered so much for him.
She laid on her side, facing him. "So, you aren't angry at me for this old secret?"
Colin took a moment to consider it. He turned his face to her's. "Why did you report those things about Eloise?"
"The Queen, you may recall, wasn't a big fan of Whistledown. She was always trying to identify the author, and somehow thought she was Eloise. If I confessed it was me, she would have dismissed it as just a friend trying to help," Pen explained. "It was a way to show it wasn't her."
Colin's brows drew down a little. "Was that when you and Eloise stopped being friends for awhile?"
Pen shook her head, dropping her gaze from his. "No, she figured out my identity on her own, the night of my mother's ball. We had a horrible fight."
He gathered her in a comforting hug. "And that was the night I said that idiotic thing. You lost both of us the same night."
She savoured the feeling of being in his arms as long as she could, and regretfully pulled away. They were in a public place, and things weren't as strict because she was a widow. Some quick shows of affection were tolerated.
"I'm just glad we became friends again. She made my marriage bearable when Debling left," Pen said softly.
Colin chuckled. "She loved living on your estate, out of the reach of my mother's matchmaking pressure. But now I fear she may never find a partner."
Pen nodded. "Well, at least now she will have a choice. Only marry if she finds love."
"But she will have to live as a dependent, under the roof of my mother or our eldest brother. Surely she won't want that for the rest of her life," Colin was confused at Pen's comment.
Sitting up again, Pen passed Colin a cupcake from the picnic basket. Perhaps some food would make the news she was about to impart go down easier.
"I know you haven't spent much time with your family in recent years, and most of them don't write long letters like we used to exchange…," Pen started.
Colin swallowed a bite of his cake. "Hmmm… it sounds like you are about to reveal another big secret to me."
Pen took a deep breath, and let it out. "It's not really a secret. It's just not something spoken about that openly."
Colin sat up, setting the rest of the cupcake on a napkin, looking quite concerned. "This sounds similar to what you told me the day we made that agreement."
That made Pen laugh, breaking the tension between them. "Oh, it's nothing like that. It is about the uncomfortable topic of finances. You mentioned that Eloise would need to live as a dependent, as a spinster relying on her relatives, but that is not the case."
"I know she has some small inheritances, but nothing-"
"Colin, when your sister was staying with me, I had many other female houseguests in similar situations. It was a topic often discussed. And we found ways to address it. Improve our finances," Pen explained.
He looked confused, not fully understanding what she meant.
"We looked around, and saw many businesses that women ran, totally independent of men. Like our modiste, who designs most of the fashions for London women, and has a team of seamstresses keeping up with this demand. Some businesses wanted to grow, and we supplied the funds for that-"
Colin was stunned. "She invested her savings? Into businesses?"
Pen nodded. "And did quite well. We all did. Still do."
She laid down again, giving Colin time to process this.
Eventually he laid beside her. "Is that why you haven't agreed to marry me?"
"Would you prefer if I married you out of financial need? Is it not better to have a marriage based on true love?"
Colin's lips twitched. "At this point, I will take you any way I can get you. But I want you to be sure. Take as much time as you need. I've waited years for you already. Marry me when you are as deeply in love with me as I am with you."
Pen smiled. "You are being so patient with me, and that is so considerate. It's important I don't feel pressured or rushed. I do have new feelings for you, that need time to grow and strengthen."
His eyes softened, and he gave her a light kiss. "It means so much, hearing that from you. It means I'm on the right track, at least."
They relaxed into more playful banter and teasing each other. It was often like this, bringing up sensitive topics, talking it out, and then lightening the mood afterwards.
…
-June 25, 1820-
"Please," Colin groaned, placing a light kiss near Pen's ear. He knew her weakness for that.
Pen arched away, looking at him as they waltzed around the ballroom. "What do you want?"
Colin spun her within his arms so she was facing away from him, promenading her in step with the other couples. "A few minutes alone with you, in a dark corner. Please." He had ducked his head down to whisper this into her ear from behind.
She tried to look scandalized, but the heat in his eyes was warming her to the idea. "Well, we have been dancing quite a lot tonight. Perhaps it would be good to get some fresh, cool air."
The dance steps had them facing each other again. "When will this dance end?"
Pen felt just as impatient, trying to keep up a normal facade.
The music ended, and Colin tucked her against his side as he guided them to the French doors along one side of the ballroom.
The night air was refreshingly cool, and Pen snuggled closer against him as they walked along the dark pathways. Couples occupied the benches along the way, chatting and flirting.
Luckily, Colin knew the property well, as he was good friends with the family and had visited many times. He went through a group of trees to show pen a small gazebo.
It was tiny, but had the advantage of being mostly hidden by the foliage.
Colin lead her inside, sitting on the bench, and spreading his legs wide. Pen stepped between them, tilting her face down to give Colin a thorough kiss.
He moaned against her lips, his hands going to her waist to pull her closer, kneading into her flesh. He kissed down her neck, his head at the perfect height to nuzzle into her cleavage.
"I can't tell you how long I've wanted to do this," he murmured, kissing along the edge of her gown. "You know I can't resist this part of you."
Pen's hands went into his hair, holding him close, enjoying his kisses. They sent shivers of pleasure along her skin, making her nipples tighten.
Colin slipped a finger into her bodice, rubbing against a tight nub. "Let me loosen your dress. Let me kiss you here."
"We can't, Colin. You know that," Pen admonished, although she craved having him fully caressing her breasts.
He still kissed and nuzzled into her cleavage, enjoying the access she allowed, the whiskers on his face scratching slightly over her delicate skin.
His hand went to the hem of her gown, slipping underneath. Within seconds, his fingers were gliding from where her stockings ended to where the bare skin of her thigh began.
Pen was just as desperate by then, and pulled her own dress upwards, gathering it near her hips. She stepped over Colin's thighs, and he shifted so she was straddling them, about half way down.
"Oh Pen," Colin sighed, having her so much more accessible to him. His fingers were right between her legs, finding her already hot and wet. They kissed passionately as he explored her.
Her hands were busy too, undoing the buttons of his breeches. Pushing the material out of the way, her small hand pulled him into the open air, stroking along his firm length.
Colin groaned at her touch, his head falling to her neck, and planting hot kisses along the bare skin there. His fingers pushed into her, so tight, so wet. It had been far too long since he had touched her so intimately.
Pen was gasping and writhing as he pleasured her, his curled fingers rubbing firmly right where she needed it. In turn, her palm rubbed against the tip of his cock, the moisture there helping her hand glide better over him.
It had been a month since they had been in bed together last. A month since they had done more than kisses. It didn't take long before they were reaching their peaks.
Pen was breathing hard, pulling a handkerchief out of her reticule. She cleaned Colin up, and fastened his trousers.
Colin took the slightly damp cloth, and rubbed it against her thigh. "I don't think any got on your gown."
Chuckling, Pen clambered off Colin's legs, pulling her gown back into place. "It would be on an inner layer. No one but my maid would see it. You know I trust her."
It took a bit of work to get Colin's hair back in order. They were probably both a bit rumpled, but since Colin had been openly courting Pen for weeks, no one would be too shocked at this. As a widow, she didn't face as much scrutiny as when she was younger.
Colin had his arm along her shoulders as they strolled back, and she was snuggled against his side. Occasionally, he pulled her into a dark patch off the side of the path for a few stolen kisses.
By the time they were back at the house, they were holding hands, Pen's gloves back on.
"You've been gone almost an hour!" Eloise hissed at Pen, when they went to stand with her. Colin left, seeking some champagne as they were both thirsty.
Pen smirked at her friend. "The moon was quite lovely tonight."
Eloise scoffed. "It's a new moon. That's why it's so dark out there."
"Do you really want me to give you details of what your brother and I were doing?" Pen whispered, chuckling.
"Sheesh, why haven't you set a date yet?"
Pen shrugged a shoulder. "We aren't engaged."
"He hasn't asked you?" Eloise said, shocked.
"Several times, actually," Colin answered, passing Pen a glass of champagne. "She hasn't accepted me yet."
"'Yet' implies it will happen. Are you so sure of me?" Pen tilted her face up to Colin, her eyes dancing as she teased him.
His free hand clasped hers, raising it to place a long kiss to the back of it, his eyes on hers the whole time. "No, but I am eternally hopeful."
The ton were used to such blatant displays from them. Colin was loud in his admiration of Pen, and she loved his attention. Most echoed Eloise, assuming they were engaged already.
Pen enjoyed the evening, chatting with Eloise and some other friends, occasionally dancing with Colin. It had become so comfortable, being out with him in public as a courting couple, accepted by the ton as likely to marry soon.
But even though there was no external resistance to their match, something inside Pen was holding her back from accepting his proposals. Why couldn't she agree, and become his wife? Why couldn't she take this big step?
She watched Colin as he joked around with his sister and Lady Danbury, who was offering to introduce Eloise to some new man. Eloise was doing her best to avoid it. She felt a wave of warm affection for the three of them swelling inside her, so glad to have such wonderful people in her life. Colin, so handsome, caring and kind to those he loved. What was holding her back?
…
-A/N: Things are going in the right direction…. One more chapter to go.
-Midsummer Night's Dream: They go to see a performance of this play by William Shakespeare. It is a comedy written in 1596, involving many romantic couples in Athens for a large royal wedding. The King and Queen of the fairies are having a fight, and the Fairy King sends his mischievous sprite Puck to mess around with everyone.
-Queen Charlotte and King George: We'll have to see how Bridgerton handles things, but here's their history.
Princess Sophia Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz (a small north-German duchy) was born in 1744. She married King George III in 1761. They had fifteen children. He started having bouts of mental illness in 1765. By 1789, a Regency Bill was passed, stating their oldest son would rule as regent if George became permanently insane. By 1804, she did not spend much time with the King, due to his erratic behaviour and violent outbursts. By 1811, the oldest son took over ruling as Prince Regent. She died in 1818 (74 years old). George III died in January 1820 (81 years old), and the Prince Regent became King George IV.
