-July 6, 1820-

"You rode a camel?" Pen chuckled, trying to picture it.

Colin just grinned. "Of course. Anyone visiting Egypt needs to see the pyramids, and riding a camel is a part of all that."

They had already shared a meal, and many glasses of wine. Her staff had cleared away the dirty dishes and Colin had spread out maps of his last trip all over the table, along with postcards printed with watercolour depictions of famous landmarks.

Pen enjoyed these evenings, getting together once or twice a week to talk about the years they had been apart. Colin was wonderfully descriptive, going into great details about the landscapes, the people he encountered, the challenges he came across. This was the sixth time they had done this, and they were discussing his last trip, to Egypt and other parts of the Mediterranean.

"It was kind of funny,' Colin continued. "The day I got back to Cairo after trekking around in the desert for a few days, I got so sick. Some kind of illness of the area."

"Oh, that must have been horrible," Pen was immediately concerned, thinking of him being ill, so far away from home and people he knew.

Colin nodded. "Luckily I was staying in a good hotel, and the concierge got me a good doctor. The staff kept bringing me tea, soup and bread, but I could hardly keep anything down..."

His words faded, as Pen felt emotions overwhelming her, tears spilling down her cheeks. Grabbing a cloth napkin from the table, she wiped at the tears, but they just kept coming.

"Pen," Colin moved to the chair next to hers, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Colin...," she said, taking the handkerchief he passed her.

Colin looked at her with a tender expression. "Can you tell me what has upset you so?"

Pen's voice was a bit scratchy, still feeling emotional. "Hearing that you had been so sick on your trip… it reminded me of my late husband, Alfred. There weren't many details about how he died, but it was some kind of illness that afflicted many of the crew." She dabbed at her eyes as the tears seeped out again.

"You obviously have a lot of emotions about that, Pen. You cared for each other, and even though you both knew his voyage was dangerous, it still must have been horrible to get confirmation he wasn't coming back," Colin said softly. "You put up a strong front, but it's alright to still mourn him."

Pen nodded, and then gave him a look full of regret. "Colin, I'm so sorry I have to say this, but I have thought about it long and hard, and I cannot marry you."

"What?" Colin could only stare at her, completely shocked. "But things have been going so well between us this last month-"

"I know," Pen tried to calm him down. "I care about you so much, and I hope we can stay friends, but I don't think we would work as a married couple."

Colin got up, pacing around the room, clearly upset. "This can't be happening. I can tell you enjoyed our time together, and we have both spoken so openly with each other. I feel like we know each other better than anyone else does. I love you even more than I did before."

Pen stood up, looking very sad. "This wasn't an easy choice for me, Colin-"

"Was it one of the other men you favoured before? Did he come and beg you to reconsider him? Lumley? Dorset?" Colin's hurt was turning to anger.

Pen backed away from him a few steps, shaking her head. "No, Colin. There is no one else. In fact, I think I may drop out of society for a while, go visit a cousin in the country. Have some quiet time by myself."

He slumped on the seatee, his head hanging low. "Pen, please…," he moaned, "You can't just end things between us without a better explanation than that. I know we aren't engaged, but you know how much I care about you."

Pen sat in an armchair close to him, taking a deep breath before she spoke. "All these nights, hearing you telling me about your adventures, you were all lit up. It struck me that you are a lot like Alfred. Both so passionate about travelling."

"Yes, I suppose that is true-"

"Colin, I don't think if I could take it, if we got married and one of your trips went badly. I couldn't handle being your widow as well," Pen said, her voice catching on the words, and her eyes getting shiny with unshed tears. "I couldn't go through that again, especially because I care so much more for you than I did for Alfred."

"Pen, I do love travelling, but I love you so much more," Colin said, imploring her with his eyes to believe him. "I won't be going on big trips on my own once we get married-"

She just shook her head. "No, no... I could never ask you to give up something so important to you."

"It's not like that-"

"I feel awful, letting you court me. I do care about you, and wanted to give this a chance. But the more we talked about our last few years, the more I had to face this. It would destroy me, having you so far away, worrying about you getting sick, or injured, or attacked, or any number of horrible things that happen all the time of these types of voyages," Pen said, lifting her handkerchief to dab at her eyes again.

Colin dropped to his knees in front of her, and gently took her hands in his. "Was that what happened with Debling? Were you worried the whole time he was gone? Reading articles in the newspapers about other ships that sank or crews dying of scurvy and fearing that had happened to him?"

She nodded, not meeting his gaze. "I didn't expect much correspondence the first three years, as that was how long his trip was expected to take. But every month that went past that, my dread grew and grew. When the letter finally came-" Pen turned her face away, trying not to cry again.

"Oh, that must have been so awful-"

She turned her head quickly, staring at him. "No! It was a relief! What kind of wife does that make me? Relieved to find out her husband is dead?"

Colin swore, collecting her in his arms, rubbing her back, comforting her any way he could think of. She was crying, burrowing her head against his chest, and he felt quite helpless.

When she had calmed, he moved back. "I don't think you had many people you could talk to about these feelings. Your worry, your relief, your grieving. You were running the estate, had to act like the leader. Contacting the lawyer to reach out to his family, arranging for a memorial service and all that. And you even stayed on the estate during your year of mourning, training the new Lord Debling on running the estate."

Pen gave a weak nod. "I didn't want the tenants to suffer, if things weren't managed well."

"You are so generous and kind, Pen. Thinking of others before yourself. And I don't think you are horrible for being relieved when you got the letter about your husband. You weren't rejoicing in his demise, you were just reacting naturally to the end of the awful period of not knowing what happened. It released you from the obligation of taking care of the estate, and gave you the chance at a different life. Alfred would be glad with what you have done, wouldn't he?"

She met his gaze and nodded. Her eyes were red-rimmed from crying, but she had never looked more beautiful to him.

He squeezed her hand, and was quiet for a few minutes, gathering his thoughts. He moved to sit on the seatee, near her chair. Letting her emotions settle back down.

"You gave up writing Lady Whistledown when you got married. I understand why, since it didn't work with your life on the estate. But why didn't you start writing it again this year, once you were back in London?" Colin asked, hoping the slight change in topic would help lighten the mood.

"I wrote Whistledown for three years, and it was one of the few good things in my life back then. Certainly one of the few areas I had control over, and it gave me a way to express myself. Have a voice," Pen explained, feeling a little nostalgic for how great it felt writing that newsletter. Gathering the gossip, writing it up, and then hearing the reactions of the ton. "But I knew I couldn't continue it after I got married, and I needed to devote all my time and energy to my new life. I accepted it, and was ready to move on. It had served it's purpose."

"Exactly!" Colin gave her a gentle smile. "Travel for me served a certain purpose. The first trip started as just a normal Grand Tour that so many young men do after finishing their education. But when things fell apart with Marina, I was so grateful to go on that trip, to have time to get over her betrayal, and let the scandal die down in society. The second trip was after seeing Marina, married and with children, and her telling me many hard truths, like that I needed to grow up. That trip gave me time to do that, and think about my future."

Pen nodded, having noticed that Colin was more comfortable with himself after the second trip.

"After you got married, I went travelling for a distraction. I knew I would just make my family worry about me if they saw how heartbroken I was. It was easier to be around strangers," he continued. "It's been like that every year since. I enjoyed it, but I'm ready for this next phase in my life, with you. I want to be a good husband to you. I want to reconnect with living here."

It was a lot to take in, but Pen was glad they were able to speak about it so openly. In their big conversation at the end of May, Colin had mentioned travelling more when she got married, saying it had been because of being heartbroken. She hadn't fully believed it then, having never really seen him acting interested in her in that way before she married.

Colin had always been interested in travelling. Many young men travelled after finishing their education, seeking adventure and freedom to explore their independence away from their families. Many drank excessively and sowed their wild oats, but Pen didn't think that Colin sought that. She could see him wanting to test his ability to handle challenges on his own, meeting people who didn't know his family, so he could be judged his own merit. That anonymity allowed him to explore who he wanted to be, defining himself. Seeking his purpose. After doing it several years, he had likely satisfied those needs, and didn't need to travel more. It was different than her late husband, who would have always sought to go on more voyages, wanting to study nature and help in conservation of endangered species.

'You say that now, but what if you get bored after a year of married life? The old desire to travel comes back?" Pen asked, wanting more confirmation.

Colin shook his head. "Well, I really don't want to be away from you. It would be nice to try travelling together, like maybe on a long honeymoon. See how you like it."

Pen perked up at that. "You want to do that? Even if we went to places you had been before?"

He shook his head. "You were often in my thoughts as I travelled over the years. There are many places I would love to show you, share with you."

Colin leaned over, giving her a long, gentle kiss. Putting so many of his emotions into it. Pen responded, sinking into the kiss. Her heart knew what she wanted.

Pulling back, he gazed down at her affectionately. Pleased that she hadn't turned away, and seemed to have accepted his explanations. "Besides, after so many years of travelling, I've been to most of the places that interested me. Travelling out further requires much more risk and effort than it's worth."

Pen chuckled, which lightened the mood even more. "Oh, I see now. You only want to marry because you have finished seeing the countries within easy reach."

"No, I want to marry you because you have captured my heart, and I would like to reunite with it," Colin joked back, and gave her a light kiss.

Sensing he may be winning her back, Colin pushed for more. He tugged on Pen's hand, getting her to move to sit beside him on the seatee. He shifted, lying on his back along the seatee with his head in her lap, his long legs dangling over the arm of the other end. They often took this position in parks when they picnicked. Pen automatically began to stroke her fingers through his hair, playing with it, and Colin closed his eyes with a hum of contentment.

"What do you imagine married life with me to be like?" Pen asked, hoping he was in a relaxed, open mood to answer truthfully. Not just tell her what he thought she wanted to hear, to convince her to accept his proposal.

Colin cracked open his eyes halfway, smiling up at her. "Well first, we will have to have a long honeymoon. Staying in good hotels with large, comfortable beds, because we will be spending a lot of our time in them."

The idea of this seemed very appealing. She nodded at him to go on.

"And then we get to establish our married life back here," Colin smiled at the thought. "I can picture sleeping cuddled up with you, waking up to you wonderfully rumpled. Kissing you awake, to cuddle and talk about our plans for the day. Doing many of the things we do now, together and apart. Going out some nights. But I really want more nights like this with you. Cuddling up as we read in front of the fire, or talking about anything and everything."

Pen was a bit overwhelmed by this description. Colin had obviously thought about their life together a lot. He seemed so genuine.

"I want to be the one you tell things to, and me for you. Celebrate your successes, help you with failures," Colin carried on, his eyes glowing. "Share our lives."

She blinked a few times, just trying to let it all sink in. Colin could really imagine it, and he seemed to love the idea. Even in her second season, he had mentioned how she made him feel understood and lifted him up.

He closed his eyes, enjoying her running her hands through his hair. He clearly showed he loved her touch, just being near her. And she loved it too. Loved the description of how their life together could be. Sharing their lives, being there for each other in every way.

Emotions were welling up in her again, but this time, the best, most positive ones. "Yes," she said simply, smiling down at Colin.

He looked up at her, and gave a small frustrated huff of annoyance. "Just yes? I yammer on for ages, and that's all I get in response?" He smirked up at her, showing he was just teasing.

"It's the answer to a question you've asked me a few times," Pen said softly, watching his expression closely for his reaction.

It took a few moments, and then his eyes went wider than she had ever seen them, in complete shock. Colin struggled to sit up from his reclining position, but did it too fast, and lost his balance. He fell off the seatee, landing on the floor with a hard thump.

"Oh my God," Pen leaned forward, grabbing Colin. "Are you alright?" She was laughing, hard, as she tried to pull him back up beside her, but he was too heavy.

Colin just moved to sit on the floor, looking very rumpled, grabbing her hand and gazing up at her with look of pure wonder. He leaned forward, placing a reverent kiss on her ring finger. "Will you truly let me put my ring right here? Claim you as mine forever? Loudly proclaim my love for you to everyone?"

Pen felt overwhelmed with happiness. "Yes, yes, yes," she replied, leaning forward, planting light kisses all over his dear face.

He grinned a bit maniacally, grabbing her by the shoulders to haul her off the seatee, and right into his arms. He was hugging her tightly, between laughing and kissing her senseless.

Eventually, they both calmed down a bit and Pen chuckled at her position. Sprawled on top of her fiancé on the drawing room floor, both grinning like idiots at each other. "This is the least dignified engagement ever," she said, shaking her head in amusement.

Colin laughed, but then helped her to get up and back to sitting on the seatee, straightening her clothes and his own. He sunk down on to one knee before her.

"Penelope Anne Whistledown Featherington Debling, will you do me the great honour and make me the happiest man living by marrying me?" Colin said, his eyes a beautiful dark blue and full of so much love as he gazed up at her.

"Yes, Colin Joseph Bridgerton, I will marry you," Pen said, her voice shaking a little with emotion, trying to hold back bursting into happy tears.

Colin gathered her in a tender hug, burying his face against her neck. "Finally," he whispered into her ear.

He shifted to sit beside her again on the seatee. It had sturdy curved arms, and he moved a few cushions against the arm, reclining back against them and encouraging Pen to tuck herself along his side, her head resting against his chest, and his arms around her. It was comfortable, and Pen just loved being this close to him. Both basking in the moment, letting it all sink in.

"So, was it mostly fear of my travel dangers that held you back?" Colin asked softly.

Pen considered the question. "At first, although you claimed you loved me, I had never seen you acting romantically towards me. And we had been apart for five years. I wondered if you were in love with the Pen you knew back then. We both needed time to really get to know each other again, as we are now."

"So, my courting worked? Convinced you that my feelings were real?" Colin asked.

She thought of the weeks of Colin being the perfect suitor, calling on her daily with small gifts, taking her out to museums, the opera, and other public venues. Proudly holding her hand and being affectionate, which did a lot to heal the hurt from his comment years before about never courting her.

She nodded. "It showed me you were serious in your intentions. But the main thing was all the time we spent on a picnic blanket, or here, just talking. Becoming close friends again. I could feel my feelings for you getting stronger and stronger, but after the nights you were here, talking about your travels, I often felt disturbed afterwards. It took a while to figure it out. I wanted you to be happy, but I couldn't see marrying you with that Sword of Damocles over my head again. No matter how much I loved-" Pen cut herself off from completing that sentence, out of habit.

Colin stilled. "Love…?"

She turned her face towards his. "Yes. I love you, Colin. So, so much."

"Oh, my sweet Pen," Colin tilted his face down to hers, within kissing distance. "I may die right now a happy man."

Pen smirked. "You're not going to die-"

"But I could, and it would kill me-"

"But you would already be dead," Pen grinned back at him.

"In a way, that first time we kissed, I did die. The old Colin. From then on I was yours. Changed forever," Colin said softly, before kissing her gently.

"My Colin…," Pen said, leaning in closer for more.

Colin shifted Pen over him. "Good thing we are getting married quickly and going on a long honeymoon… we will be so disgustingly in love no one will want to be around us for a while."

"Where are we going on this honeymoon?" Pen kissed along his jaw, just wanting to be as close as possible.

"Maybe Greece, to start with. On the best ship, with a big cabin. Show you most beautiful places. Then we could slowly travel overland back. Italy, Germany, France…," Colin said, kissing down her neck.

"Paris?"

"Wherever you want…" Colin murmured, nuzzling into her cleavage.

"Perhaps we could start the honeymoon tonight," Pen panted, digging her hands into his hair as he kissed over her sensitive skin.

Colin glanced up at her, with heated eyes. "I love that idea."

The next few minutes flew by, with Pen grabbing her future husband's hand, and running with up the stairs together. In her bedroom, they quickly stripped each other bare, landing on her bed tangled together.

It was frantic, but perfect, and when Colin slid deep into her, they both moaned. It felt so right.

"I love you, I love you," Colin kept saying, finally able to let out all his feelings. Kissing all over her neck and her breasts.

Pen wrapped around him tightly, moaning his name, knowing he was truly hers. Her friend, her lover, her husband. Her true love.

-A/N: That's It! Thanks for coming along in exploring this alternative universe story of 'What if Colin was ten minutes late to that ball, and finds Pen was already engaged when he got there?' Thanks for reading. and all the reviews. They are much appreciated.

-Sword of Damocles: This is a classical Greek myth. Damocles was part of the court of King Dionysius. One day, he was telling the King how fortunate he was, being so powerful, and living in such luxury. The King responded by offering to switch places with him for a day, so he could feel what it was really like. Damocles eagerly accepted.

He greatly enjoyed the day, sitting on the throne, having his every wish seen to by beautiful attendants. But the King, who had made many enemies during his reign, also arranged for a sword to hang above the throne, held at the pommel only by a single hair of a horse's tail. This was to represent the ever present dangers of enemies who could try to overtake the King at any time.

Damocles happily returned to his old role the next day, free from this constant fear.