I am so sorry this chapter has taken so long to get out, but goddamn is writing emotions hard when I can barely manage them right in real life. Hopefully nothing in this chapter comes off as too rushed or weird especially when it comes to the emotional side of things.
This is chapter is the one where we finally get back to Azula and Kazumi to check in on how they are doing. Spoilers: Not well.
With that said, let's get this chapter started!
It had been two days since they returned from their last spirit hunt, yet the somber atmosphere that had been plaguing them since they left the Spirit Temple still continues to trouble them, now looming over the house like a dark shadow. Azula was getting increasingly worried over the state of her mentor, who had barely spoken at all during the ride back to the Forgetful Forest and when they did get back she had spent almost all day cooped up in her bedroom. She did come out to cook meals and such, but besides that Kazumi spent the past few days just lying down in her room.
And the former princess swears that she can sometimes hear the faint sound of crying coming from within Kazumi's room. It made her feel saddened that Kazumi was hurting like this and she wanted to reach out to her, but didn't know how to. Kazumi was always the one who reached out to her in times of need, but she didn't know how to do so in return. Azula was very worried over Kazumi. She had never seen her mentor like this before, she had always seemed so unbreakable and unwavering in the face of whatever challenges came her way.
Like a strong and powerful dragon that was unstoppable in the face of any threats...yet that spirit managed to hit Kazumi hard mentally speaking that she had regressed into this sort of state. It filled Azula with an anger towards that damned spirit and want to burn it alive a second time for vengeance over what it did to Kazumi, but she couldn't focus on that right now when she has bigger problems to worry about than some damned dark spirit.
What could the spirit have shown that could make Kazumi like this? If it was anything like what it tried to show me to break me down, than I doubt it was anything good. But the illusions were completely ineffective against me because I rejected them instantly, both when the spirit tried to use the carrot and the stick technique against me. What could have Kazumi relived that made her like this?
For Kazumi to be broken down this much...It almost reminded her of when she first met Kazumi all those months ago. Azula felt like it was a lifetime ago when she first met Kazumi by complete coincidence after fleeing from Hira'a and her worthless excuse for a mother. She can't imagine what would have happened to her if Kazumi didn't find her that night. Probably would have died from an infection or freeze to death from exposure to the elements
At the moment, Azula was feeding both Tira and Serenity. Normally Kazumi would be with her but...with things being how they are, Azula didn't want to trouble her. Its not like feeding the two animals was particular hard now that they have warmed up to her a bit.
" Eat up Tira, you too Serenity." Azula gently laid the bowls of food on the ground before the tigerdillo and ostrich horse to consume. The two animals approached the bowls and started to eating at a slow but steady pace. Azula didn't know how but she could somehow sense that the two animals weren't in the best of moods, they seemed saddened and it didn't take Azula being an inspector to figure out what that reason was.
The two animals clearly missed Kazumi who has barely interacted with them since they got back from their last spirit hunt. Azula gaining a sort of mutual understanding with the two animals over their collective worry over Kazumi.
" I know. I'm worried about her too." Azula let out a sigh as she spoke in an odd companionship like understanding with the two animals. She gently rubbed Tira's head as Serenity nuzzled up against her in comfort. It wasn't much but Azula appreciated it when she herself was struggling to figure out what to do in this situation for Kazumi.
She heard the cracking of thunder over head and looked up to see the sky darkening, signaling that it was going to start raining soon. Azula let out a sigh as it seemed like even the weather was in agreement with the somber tone that had overtaken them these past few days. She wondered if there was some kind of weather spirit who was making a mockery of their situation that she could threaten, but she pushed that childish thought away for now.
Once the two animals finished up their meals, Azula hurried them back to their shelter to shield them from the rain as she quickly ran back inside to take over as the first few raindrops fell from the sky. She supposed that meant training was out for today, just like yesterday and the day before that. Kazumi was always pretty disciplined when it came to practicing almost everyday, be it perfecting their swordsmanship, spiritual powers or some other skill that could use some further refinement. It made Azula feel a bit restless on top of worried over Kazumi and this rain certainly wasn't helping.
Azula stood in the doorway as the rain came down on them, just looking out into the distance before she turned back inside and closed the door behind her. It was just about lunch time right about now and she figured that she should probably get started on preparing the food. She hoped that at least she can take this opportunity to speak to Kazumi during this time.
But as she walked into the kitchen to get started on their food, she saw that there already another figure prepping the food.
" Kazumi?" Azula softly called out to the older woman, who almost jumped at suddenly being called out.
The sight of it happening bewildered Azula and made her feel even more worried. Kazumi was almost never surprised or caught off guard, she seemed to always be aware of her surroundings. For Kazumi to not hear the sounds of Azula's footsteps, it meant that her mind was clearly occupied with something else at the moment.
" Azula...sorry I didn't see you there." Kazumi apologized as she turned to her with surprise in her eyes. " I was just about to get started on lunch."
" Yeah um...me too." Azula said awkwardly, trying her best to act normal." I can help if you want."
" Thank you." Kazumi said with a small smile on her face but Azula could tell that it was forced.
She didn't comment on it as the two started working on lunch. The two worked together in silence but it wasn't the normal kind of silence where it was more of a mutual respect between them, this kind of silence felt all too somber to Azula as she glanced over at her mentor chopping vegetables in all too listless manner and her eyes didn't seem focused on the task at hand. Azula was almost worried that Kazumi was going to chop her fingers off, but thankfully that didn't occur.
The two working together managed to fix up lunch in no time at all, but the smell of food did little to bring Azula any comfort as the somber atmosphere permeated throughout the entire house like a dense fog. The two of them sat down and ate their meal in dreaded silence that made Azula worry that she wasn't going to be able to say anything to her mentor. What can she even say? What should she say?
The thought was perplexing and Azula struggled to come up with the proper words, much less know how to broach the subject. Azula glanced over at Kazumi who was eating at an almost uncaring pace if such a thing was possible and it was like the food had no taste to her and Azula wanted to say something, anything to her but the words died in her throat as she couldn't figure out what to say. It was a sad reminder that no matter how much she has recovered in these past few months, she still struggles to know how to properly interact with people, much less help them through their emotional and mental pain.
While she was busy trying to figure out the perfect words to say, Kazumi's voice snapped her out of her line of thinking. " Sorry Azula, do you mind cleaning up? I'm not really feeling well..." Kazumi didn't wait for her response as she got up and headed for her room.
Azula was so surprised by the action that she almost didn't get up in time to stop her. She didn't know what she was going to say, but this may be her only chance to speak to Kazumi today.
" Kazumi wait..." Azula got to Kazumi just before she could open the door to her bedroom. Her mentor stopping just as her hand touched the handle with her back facing Azula.
" Yes, Azula?" Kazumi turned and replied to her politely but her voice sounded almost empty.
No running away now.
" I...I wanted to talk to you. We haven't really spoken much since we came back from the Spirit Temple." Azula approached the topic as gently as she could, but it still resulted in Kazumi flinching from the reminder of what happened a few days ago. The former princess didn't want to bring back bad memories of whatever that damned spirit showed her, but she had no choice if she wanted to get to the bottom of this." I wanted to ask how are you? You didn't seem...in the best of conditions after the spirit was destroyed and I want to make sure you're okay." Azula put it in nicer terms for Kazumi, as nice as one can describe when the state she found her mentor in was distraught to say the least.
" I-I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me Azula, I promise that I'm fine and-"
" You're not fine Kazumi!" Azula couldn't help but let some of the very intense worry she's felt over these past few days slip into her voice. She had rarely raised her voice, but it seemed to get her mentor's attention so she kept going. " You've spent the last two days cooped up in your room, you barely come out except to eat and even then you say no more than 50 words to me during those brief few times. And you..."
You don't even look at me.
That last part went unsaid, but the guilty look on Kazumi's face as she turned her gaze to the floor made Azula think it got across anyway.
Azula took a deep breath as she thought over her next words. Perhaps she wasn't coming on to this too quickly, but she didn't know any other way." I...I don't know what you're going through but I want to help. Just please don't-" Azula tried to reach out to touch Kazumi's hand but something even she could not predict happened.
Kazumi's hand snapped back before her hand could touch it, not quite slapping Azula's hand away but it felt close. It shocked Azula so much that she took a step back out of surprise more than anything. Her mentor had pulled her hand away as if she was repulsed but Azula could see in her eyes that it wasn't out of disgust-but fear.
Neither of them said anything, the two of them just looking at each other in surprise at what happened.
" I-I'm sorry." Kazumi apologized before she quickly retreated back into her room.
" Kazumi wait-"
Azula tried to stop her, but it was too late. The door closed and she had missed her chance.
She stood there standing in front of Kazumi's door before letting out a sigh." Damn it."
The night fell upon them at a painfully slow pace, were the days always this long? Azula certainly felt like these past few days were like months passing by, as the somber atmosphere hung over them and made time feel like it was moving at such a slow pace to torture both her and Kazumi. The slowness just made the dreary tone over them that much more pronounced that she thinks even Mai would consider this pure torture.
The former princess had spent the majority of her day in the living room, just reading whatever she could to pass the time and hoping that Kazumi came out again at some point. She read a few books on spirits, mystery and even romance but none of them could distract her from the topic that had been occupying her mind all day that she still hadn't found the answer to yet: How can she help Kazumi?
Kazumi was clearly going through something and Azula wanted to help her, but didn't know how.
Azula wondered if perhaps she was rushing this too much and had pushed Kazumi too hard earlier in their conversation. It had been less than three days so the wounds were still fresh and Kazumi just needed more time to recover? Agni knows that she certainly didn't get better quickly when she first arrived here, it took her months to get back to her former strength, both mentally and physically with a lot of support from Kazumi along the way. Maybe she had tried the wrong method to help Kazumi earlier by confronting her directly, perhaps she should have tried a different approach.
But Azula had no idea what said different approach should even be so that left her stuck. It was days like this where she wished that she had Ty Lee's 'aura reading' ability, something she had come to believe more in since meeting Kazumi, if she had that than perhaps getting through to Kazumi wouldn't be so hard.
Come on, you brought down the Unconquerable city of Ba Sing Sae, you can figure out how to comfort someone during a time of emotional turmoil.
Azula thought to herself but the memory of one of her greatest wartime accomplishments gave her an idea. Maybe she was viewing this all wrong, perhaps she should be trying to think about this from the perspective of a strategic mind. It may not be the best perspective but its all she has to work with.
Okay, upfront and direct didn't work...maybe Kazumi's method of being gentle and kind truly is the way to go.
That was some semblance of the plan she cooked up in her mind. It wasn't much but it was all she had to go on.
When night fell, Azula waited for Kazumi to hopefully emerge from her bedroom to cook dinner with her where she could utilize this opportunity to speak with her in more gentle terms about what she's been going through since the Spirit Temple and be as nice as possible about it instead of her previous attempt. But after waiting more than an hour without even hearing anything besides the crickets from outside, Azula concluded that Kazumi was not coming out for dinner.
She's not coming out...damn it.
Azula let out a sigh as her plan fell to pieces around her. Kazumi had started skipping meals these past two days, only eating at infrequent times that has limited contact with her. She supposed that she can try again tomorrow...but that doesn't mean this day need be a complete failure. Kazumi still has to eat and she can bring her some food to start a conversation with her.
The former princess wasted no time heading to the kitchen and cooking up a simple meal for Kazumi. Nothing elaborate since Kazumi didn't like to eat too much at night, so Azula just prepared some simple fruits and such. Once she was done, Azula put the food on a small tray and carried it to Kazumi's room and hoped her mentor had an appetite at the moment.
Azula took a deep breath as she gently knocked on the door." Kazumi? Are you there? I brought dinner, I thought you might want to eat something before bed."
She received no response from beyond the door. Nothing except dreaded silence.
Azula was pondering whether Kazumi was intentionally ignoring her...up until she heard the cries and wailing coming from inside her bedroom.
" No, no, no!"
Azula almost jumped when she heard Kazumi's cries coming from inside her bedroom, her first thought was that she was under attack by some kind of spirit but Azula couldn't hear any sort of thrashing sounds. She didn't sit around waiting to find out as she put the tray of food on the ground and entered the room to see what exactly was going on. But what she saw was not like anything she could have expected.
Kazumi was lying on her bed, but it was clear she was not conscious as her eyes were closed. But she was tossing and turning on the bed as it seemed she was experiencing a night terror of some kind.
" SHAMI! Please come back! I didn't mean to do it!" Kazumi yelled out the name of her dead daughter and it was at that moment that Azula put the pieces together.
Oh...oh no.
Listening to Kazumi's wails pulled the strings of Azula's heart. The same exact feelings of sorrow and pain she felt not too long ago, the same despair that she felt after the hell she had been through at the asylum. Was this what she looked like to Kazumi all those months ago when she first arrived? A lonely tortured soul whose nights were plagued by the ghosts of her past that would not leave her in peace? But it was slightly different here, Kazumi's nightmares were plagued by the memories of her dead daughter and that hurt more than she would ever show.
Azula decided that she couldn't stand by and watch this, she had to do something. She went up to her crying mentor and pulled her into a hug.
She was usually the one who was abrasive of hugs, but that was a long time ago. Her mentor, and the woman who has been more of a mother to her than her own sorry excuse for a birth mother ever was needed somebody, anybody to hold her. To let her know that she isn't alone the same way Kazumi did for her.
Crying for the loss of her dead daughter. A wound that has not healed in the years that had passed since then.
Instinctively, Kazumi's arms wrapped around her, crying and sobbing the whole time as she let it all out. She always had done this, night after night since she took her in, but now it was Azula who was in Kazumi's position. She couldn't just sit by and listen to her mentor suffer in silence.
" Shami...please don't leave me." Kazumi let out a choked sob as she cried even harder in Azula's arms. She wasn't sure if Kazumi was aware of what was happening to some extent, but that didn't matter at the moment." I didn't mean to do it. Please forgive me...please don't leave me again." Kazumi spoke in a low tone as she just kept crying over her dead daughter.
Azula put a hand on her hair and gently caresses it, she faintly remembers Kazumi doing the same for her.
" Its okay Kazumi, its okay...I'm here for you." Azula whispered the same words of comfort that Kazumi did to her when she first arrived at the house. It felt like a lifetime ago, but now it didn't feel so long ago now. The pain Kazumi was feeling right now, it was something Azula could relate to in more ways than one.
" I never left."
Kazumi hated this feeling. She truly did.
This unrelenting sickly feeling that nestled its way into her heart and gut that felt like it was going to eat her from the inside out. And she most certainly hated how it made her feel both restless and tired at the same time, if such as thing were even possible. The kind of feeling that ripped her up from the inside out that felt like a combination of several different emotions-guilt, sadness, sorrow, grief and more all combined into one. It was the kind of feeling that made her want to lie down and wait for death to take her, because that seemed like a more merciful fate by this point than this feeling.
It was a familiar feeling that she thought she had finally buried years ago after Shami died. Now all of it has come crashing back into her life once more even harder than before. She thought that she had finally managed to move on and find peace after so many years of quiet and followed by Azula coming into her life through coincidence, Kazumi hoped that maybe this could finally be the fresh start she needed to finally start her life again.
She was a fool to believe that.
You are a failure of a mother and a Spirit Navigator. You do not deserve forgiveness or peace.
Kazumi could still hear the faint whispers of her mother's cruel voice in her head. She's not sure if this is simply the leftover effect of whatever trick that spirit put on her back at the temple or if this was simply her own dark mind torturing her. It didn't really matter at the end of the day, what mattered was how much Kazumi believed it...and it was a lot more than she wanted to admit.
She shuts her eyes and prays to Agni that he lets her fall into a dreamless sleep where she isn't haunted by memories of her baby, like the one she had last night.
Well, it wasn't exactly peaceful she remembers a lot of darkness and pain. The nightmare of her baby being taken away from her once again plagued her mind and she fell to her knees as her familial line shamed her for her failure to protect her daughter...before she remembered that at one point during that nightmare she was suddenly taken into unknown arms and was suddenly comforted by a soft voice.
Shh, it's okay Kazumi. I'm here for you. I never left.
The voice itself was soothing, comforting and it made her feel...at peace.
She almost would have mistaken the voice for her own daughter but she knows better. Her daughter never got the chance to grow up, she only faintly has memories of Shami calling her mama but she has no clue what her daughter would have sounded like fully grown. The voice was much older and more mature.
The voice almost sounded like...Azula.
It was at that moment that Kazumi realized that the comforting hands and soothing were not in fact part of her dream, but in fact reality.
She came to me when I was having my nightmare. She comforted me the same way I did for her.
That realization lit a fire in her heart and that gave her the strength to push herself to get up. She could hear the birds chirping outside, which indicated that it was morning by now, her stomach grumbled in hunger even if she herself wasn't sure if she had the appetite to eat right now. But some part of her was pushing herself to get up.
Kazumi took a deep breath as she forced herself to get up and sit up properly on her bed. She ran a hand through her messy hair, it was a far cry from how she usually looks but she couldn't bring herself to care these past few days. Kazumi walked over to her mirror and grabbed a brush to straighten out her hair until it was at a more respectable style. After a quick change of clothes, she looked herself over in the mirror and thought she looked almost presentable.
Like she didn't just spend 3 days holed up in her room.
She took a deep breath as she stepped out of her bedroom and into the hallway, she headed to the kitchen where she could already hear somebody moving about. Kazumi already knew who it was before she entered and saw a young girl at the kitchen counter preparing breakfast. Azula had her back turned to her, but her head piqued as she approached and turned to face her.
" Kazumi? I was just about to wake you." Azula said in a surprised voice, and it wasn't hard to wonder why. Kazumi had practically denned herself into her room for the past three days, the events of what happened last night when Azula tried reaching out to her hurt.
" Sorry for waking up so late Azula, I'm setting a bad example." Kazumi forced a smile.
" No, its okay I was just...I was working on breakfast." Azula gestured to the plates of rice and meat that she was preparing.
" I'll help you." Kazumi felt bad that she had essentially left Azula on her own to take care of the house.
Azula raised no disagreements as the two of them quietly worked in silence as they prepared breakfast. Kazumi trying to act natural as if she hadn't been deliberately avoiding contact with Azula for the past few days like a hermit. She felt a mixture of embarrassment and shame that Azula had to see her like this and especially last night when she had to comfort her during a nightmare. But a smaller part of her was proud Azula did that and managed to help her through it.
They decide to make a relatively simple breakfast, one that doesn't take very long to prepare, since Kazumi didn't really have the appetite for a big breakfast.
After just a few minutes, she and Azula were eating in silence but just like yesterday, it wasn't a comfortable silence. It was a somber one, brought on by a multitude of reasons. And Kazumi knew that she needed to make a move now.
" It was you, wasn't it?"
" What?" Azula asked in confusion.
" The night before when I was having a nightmare." Kazumi doesn't dare elaborate on the contents of what she dreamt of, as that alone made her flinch." And during that nightmare I heard a voice and was suddenly pulled into someone's arms...that wasn't part of the dream was it ? It was you."
" Oh. Yeah, I was going to fetch you for dinner but you were asleep but I heard you having a nightmare so..." Azula rambled off, not really knowing what to say.
But Kazumi did know what to say at least.
" I'm sorry." Kazumi apologized out of the blue that shocked Azula.
" What are you apologizing for?"
" I...the way I acted yesterday towards you. You were just trying to help and I-" I acted like a fool. Those words went unsaid because Kazumi couldn't quite push them out for some odd reason. Perhaps she didn't want to expose her weakness more than she already did, but wasn't that the problem? That she was trying to cover up her pain and grief. Kazumi continued after taking a breath. " I pushed you away. I'm so sorry Azula."
To her surprise, Azula didn't look the least bit upset at the memory of what happened yesterday. If anything she looked thoughtful and worried for her." Kazumi you're clearly going through something and I want to help but I don't know how to." Azula confessed her thoughts as she got up to stand closer to Kazumi." I'm trying to follow what you did for me when I first arrived here, but I don't know if I'm doing it right and I...I don't want to lose you too."
Kazumi was shocked to her core to hear that from Azula. Did she really mean that much to her? It brought her both relief, happiness and fear all colliding at once.
Without thinking it through, Kazumi pulled Azula into a hug and held her close." Azula...you're already doing plenty." Kazumi whispered to her.
Azula hugged her back." I don't want to lose you too Kazumi."
" You won't."
" Promise me you won't hide in your room anymore."
" I...I promise." Kazumi nodded as she pulled away from the hug.
The hug helped alleviate some of the pain she had been feeling, but she could still hear her mother's voice in the back of her head. Mocking her.
This changes nothing.
" Kazumi?" Azula's voice knocked her out of her stupor and it made Kazumi turn to see her concerned look." Are you okay?"
This one time. Kazumi would like to be truthful with Azula.
" No. No I'm not Azula." Kazumi confessed.
And she felt a weight lift off her shoulders.
I am honestly sorry that it took so long to get this chapter out when not much really happened besides catching up on how Azula and Kazumi were doing, but like I mentioned previously writing emotions is not my forte. I hoped that I at least managed to write the tense emotions going on between Azula and Kazumi well enough without making it look too stiff/awkward.
And yeah, for those of you who have reviewing that Azula will be stepping into Kazumi's shoes to do for her, what she did for our favorite princess when she was in need, you are correct. But at the same time I feel like its worth pointing out that Azula is still very much a kid who lacks the emotional maturity and life experience to instantly figure out what to do. So expect Kazumi's healing journey to be rocky at best even with Kazumi trying to channel Ty Lee so she can help Kazumi.
I'd say that the next chapter will hopefully come out sooner, but we all know this song and dance by now. The next chapter will come out as soon as it can.
Now let's answer some reviews shall we?
To Eagle-Eye2029:
Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed the Ozai and Bumi fight a lot, it has definitely been one of my favorite fights to write so far just because of how batshit crazy Bumi really is. Bumi is certainly one of the worst enemies Ozai has ever faced, not even because of his power but because Bumi refuses to take him seriously. Bumi is a natural troll with his batshit crazy energy. Personally, I'm going to leave it up to interpretation for you all to decide whether Bumi knew who Ozai was and still didn't take him seriously or genuinely had no idea who he was.
XD
Oh yeah, Aang would have gone off the deep end if Ozai succeeded in killing Bumi. But I also didn't let Ozai kill Bumi because I didn't just want him to absolutely demolish every member of the White Lotus with no problems after just getting his powers back after a year of not having them. Its definitely for the best that Ozai doesn't pursue Azula because she's 'dead', because Kazumi would straight up destroy him if he tried it.
Thank you so much for your kind words! Hope this chapter cleared up the situation going on between Azula and Kazumi.
To Azula:
Jeong Jeong was the guy that Ozai killed on his way out when he was escaping the palace. Yeah, sorry for any fans of Jeong Jeong but not every member of the WL is going to get a climactic fight with Ozai.
To Lord 770:
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed the chapter.
Yeah, that's one thing I wanted to present realistically in the fight between Ozai and Bumi. Ozai may have a ton of new power and abilities to throw around, but that doesn't translate into perfect control over said new power. And he certainly wasn't ready to fight an earthbending master who has been alive since the beginning of the 100 year war. He was pushing his luck on how much he could chew and it bit him in the ass.
Glad that I was able to get Bumi's charisma and his good madness with people. That was certainly my favorite part of the chapter.
:P
With that said, I will see you all in the next one.
Angel Out.
