Chapter Seven
I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)
When I woke up the next morning, Negan wasn't in bed. Or in the office or the bathroom or the hallway. Deciding I needed a shower more than I needed to fight with him, I quickly got in and washed all the grime that I had slept in off my body. Scrubbing myself red and giving myself ample time to cry in the shower over the loss of Fat Joey, I eventually got out and wrapped a towel around myself before quickly brushing through my hair.
I knew what today was going to bring and while I still felt a rage simmering just under my skin, I didn't want any part of the conversation that was to come. I didn't want to fight with him, but I didn't know what else to do at this point. Changes had to be made.
Walking back into our bedroom to grab some clothes, I stopped when I noticed Negan sitting at the small table with two breakfast trays in front of him. I opened my mouth, but was instantly cut off as Negan raised his hand in a 'stop' motion.
"Before you start talking shit, just know that I did say last night we were going to pause the fight until after breakfast. Since we haven't had breakfast yet, I brought some up. Sit. Eat with me," he said, raising an eyebrow like he was daring me to try him.
My eyes narrowed in his direction before I quickly pasted a smile on my face and dropped my towel. Negan's amber orbs went wide as his gaze slid down my body slowly.
Pause that, asshole.
I turned to the dresser and pulled out one of his white t-shirts and slipped it over my body while making my way to the table. I dropped into a seat and pulled a tray close to me. I could play nice for a few minutes.
"You stopped to see Savannah before getting food, didn't you?" I asked him as I took a bite of scrambled eggs.
"Of course I did," he said sheepishly, starting in on his own food.
"How's Em doing?"
"She's good. She's about ready to strangle James, I think, but she's good. Doc's letting them go back to their room today. I had someone sit up the crib and shit last night, so they should be good to go."
I nodded my head, eyes locked on my plate. I wanted to unpause the fight right this very second, but I was going to hold it together long enough for him to finish his food.
"Did you send people out to look for Daryl? And Sherry?" I asked, looking up at him.
He narrowed his eyes at me.
"This is not part of the fight. Just a question," I said, rolling my eyes at him.
"Then yes, I did. No one's found anything yet," he replied, taking another bite of his food.
We continued the back and forth, eating breakfast and making the worst small talk ever. When I cleared my plate and Negan took the last bite of his eggs, I was up on my feet, glaring at him with my arms crossed before he even finished swallowing.
"Breakfast is over. Do you want to fucking explain yourself now?" I demanded.
Negan rolled his eyes and flung his head back.
"Here we fucking go," he murmured to the ceiling.
"You're right. Here we fucking go," I growled, "Start talking. You usually don't mind opening that big ass mouth so go ahead. Talk away."
He snapped his head up and glared at me.
"Where would you like to start? You are the one who makes decisions around here, apparently. So tell me, Piper, what would you like me to fucking explain first?" He asked, his face already starting to turn red.
"Let's start with why you felt it necessary to have the shit beat out of Dwight. Please, enlighten me, because I'm just not seeing the logic in that, Negan."
"He was responsible for Daryl. That has been his one fucking job the last few weeks and he fucked it up," he grunted, rising to his feet and rounding the table until he was standing directly in front of me, "But you're right. I apologized to Dwight. It could have been anyone."
I opened my mouth to say something but stopped short. He apologized to Dwight? Like actually said the words 'I'm sorry'?
"You did?" I asked, looking up at him.
"Yes, wildflower," he sighed, "I did. I apologized."
He ran his hands over his face and through his hair in one frustrated swoop.
"But did you apologize because you meant it or because I was mad at you?" I challenged him, keeping my arms crossed in front of me.
"Oh, for fucks sake. Because I meant it, Piper. This thing with Alexandria is going to blow up, like you said. I'm not sure in what capacity or how bad it's going to be, but it's going to get bad at some point and we need everyone here to fight for this place," he sighed again, eyes locking on mine.
"Did he accept your apology?" I asked.
"I'm going to throw myself from the goddamn window, woman, I swear to god. Yes, he appeared to have accepted my apology," he grumbled, this time crossing his own arms as he stared at me.
"Good. Now, did you decide how you'll be getting rid of me? Or should I just pack up and hit the road?"
Like the selfish cow I was, him saying maybe he should get rid of me hurt my feelings more than anything else. I know I instigated a little, but still.
"Wildflower, I would never get rid of you. You know that," Negan said, stepping a little closer to me until I could feel his folded arms brush mine.
"Well the idea seemed to interest you last night."
Negan threw his hands up in the air with exasperation, stepping back from me slightly.
"You're going to have to cut me a little fucking slack, Piper, okay? I am trying here. And I might be doing a fuck-all job at it, but I'm still trying! I have so much shit that I'm dealing with every goddamn day and it adds up. So, if I'm an asshole sometimes, I fucking apologize."
"That was a non-apology if I've ever heard one. I know leading this place is exhausting. I know you have a thousand things you have to think about at any given time and you have to make decisions that are never easy to make, but that is not an excuse to act like a complete jackass! Not to me and not to people we consider family."
He stalked away from me, beginning to pace the room in short spans as he scrubbed his hands over his face.
"What do you want me to do here? I'm sorry, okay? I'm fucking sorry. I would never get rid of you and I should have never said that I would. I'm sorry about punishing Dwight. I'm sorry for every-fucking-thing that's happened recently because of me. Is that good enough?"
He whirled on me, his eyes a mixture of anger and something deeper. Guilt, maybe.
I shrugged my shoulders. "It's enough if you mean it and you're willing to work on shit."
"Work on what shit?" He asked, narrowing his eyes on me.
"Everything. We have to fix all of this. Now, Negan. We are on the verge of something big. Something terrifying that shouldn't even be happening. I can feel it. We have people dying, people trying to kill you every five minutes, and a group that hates you so much, they would love nothing more than to see this place, our home, go up in flames with us inside. They might not have done anything yet, but it's going to happen soon. Colt said they wouldn't take this shit lying down. We need to come up with some new approach and handle this before it's too fucking late." My voice had become strained and my breathing was ragged as I stared at him. "I cannot lose you. I cannot lose this place or our people. I won't survive it, Negan. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to have to constantly be at odds with everyone we cross. We have it so fucking good here. We have livestock and crops and people who would do anything to make sure we survive this shit. We have kids here, for fucks sake. Kids who deserve to have a life that doesn't involve them losing parents or worrying about a rogue group coming to wipe us out. We could completely turn this around, but you have to see what I'm seeing. You have to want this too or it's never going to work."
By the time I finished speaking, my shoulders were shaking and tears were paving a path down my cheeks. Negan's eyes had focused on the ground at some point during my emotional monologue. It wasn't until that moment that I realized how much I was holding in, how terrified I was of what was to come.
I knew that, realistically, I would be able to do to Alexandria what I had done to Purcellville. I could take down their walls, wipe out their population, burn down their homes. But why would I want to? What would that do? They weren't Purcellville. Even if there were some people I, personally, wouldn't spit on if they were on fire, there were still innocent people and children living there who didn't deserve that.
What they did at the outpost was inexcusable. They had killed so many of our people. People with families and lives, but this was going to turn into some kind of back and forth. A pissing contest between Negan and Rick to see who could cripple the other worse, without any regard to who got hurt around them, and I wouldn't stand by and watch it happen. I wouldn't put my family in danger because of this, even if Rick's group started it to begin with.
"I don't know how to fix it, Piper," Negan said quietly, his head still hanging.
"Then let's figure it out. Together. You and I," I said between sobs, silently pleading with him to just agree to this.
His eyes lifted to mine and he just stood there for a moment, looking at me with an intensity that I hadn't expected to see on his face.
"You shouldn't have to 'figure out' how to fix my mess, wildflower," he said finally.
"That's what we do, Negan. We figure our shit out together. You helped me with mine, now let me help you untangle yours."
His eyes never left mine as he spoke. "I have never fucking deserved you. Not for a second."
I let out a small laugh and swiped at my face. "I think you forget that I'm just as twisted as you are most of the time, Negan."
"And fuck me if I don't love it," he murmured.
"Are you agreeing, then? To fix this with me? Figure out everything together?" I asked him, carefully scrutinizing his face.
He looked like he was fighting some internal battle as he slowly nodded his head.
I returned his nod, my lips lifting slightly at the edges. "Alright, then."
He took a few steps towards me, closing the distance between us quickly, as his large hands settled on either side of my face. "I really am sorry. For being an ass last night. For being an ass just now. For being an ass to other people for the last few years and getting us into this shit show in the first place."
"I love you, Negan," I whispered.
"I love you too, wildflower. You have no fucking idea. I would do anything for you. You know that, right?" His eyebrows pinched together as his eyes searched my face, like he was looking for something there.
Whatever it was he was trying to locate must have been found, because his lips met mine before I could even respond. I leaned into him, wrapping my arms around his neck. His hands settled on the curve of my hips as he deepened the kiss.
I felt his hands slide down, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake, as he gripped the back of my thighs and lifted me. My legs wrapped around his waist and he hummed in approval. He slowly started walking, never once letting his mouth leave mine, until he softly sat me back on the bed.
His hands tugged at the material of my shirt, grasping at the hem and pulling it off me, tossing it behind him as he stood up. His eyes trailed down my body leisurely while he undressed himself, until they zeroed in between my legs.
"God damn. It should be illegal to be this fucking perfect," he muttered as he bent down and wrapped his arms around my thighs, pulling me to the very edge of the bed.
I gasped his name in surprise when he dropped to his knees.
"Yes, wildflower?" He asked innocently.
His eyes hooked on mine as he lowered his head and placed soft kisses across the inside of both of my thighs. With the first swipe of his tongue, all logical thought left my brain. A guttural moan escaped my throat as he slipped a finger inside me and started flicking his tongue across the sensitive bundle of nerves.
"Does that feel good, baby?" He rasped as he added another finger and curled them, causing my hands to clutch at the sheets.
I nodded my head frantically, as he leisurely slid his tongue across my clit.
"I'm going to need you to use your words, Piper."
"So good, Negan. So fucking good," I moaned.
The deep chuckle that rumbled through his chest had me clenching around his fingers. At that moment I was fairly confident his voice alone could send me over the edge.
He sucked my clit into his mouth, applying the perfect amount of pressure as his tongue danced across it and his fingers began pumping in out of me at a steady rhythm. I could feel the heat build up in my body and my muscles start to tense up after minutes of his relentless assault. I pushed myself up on my elbows as I stared down at him eat me like a starved man.
"Oh, fuck, Negan. Don't stop, please don't fucking stop," I pleaded, my hips lifting slightly off the bed as I did my best to grind myself against his mouth while simultaneously trying to get his fingers deeper inside of me.
He groaned into me, the vibration sending waves of pleasure crashing through my body. With one final caress of his tongue, I shattered around his fingers. My body dropped back to the bed and my back arched as I let out a moan, earning a hum of approval from Negan. He didn't let up until he watched my body go slack on the bed.
He pulled his fingers out of me as he stood up and quickly shed his clothes. When he grabbed my calves, lifting my legs up until my ankles were resting on his shoulders, my eyes snapped back open, meeting his.
His lips started scattering rough kisses down one ankle and then the other as one of his hands wrapped around his length. He brushed the head against my sensitive clit, causing me to shudder, which only served to make him grin.
I lifted my head slightly, looking between us as he lined himself up with my entrance and slowly started pushing in. A whimper left my throat at the feeling. I was so sensitive right now, it felt like the slightest touch anywhere was going to cause me to start shaking.
"You can take it, wildflower. You have before," Negan murmured as he pushed in deeper.
The sounds coming out of my mouth were unlike anything I'd heard myself make before. I couldn't stop them as he kept pushing deeper into me, stretching me out to fit him. Negan let out a low groan when he was fully seated inside me.
"Fuuuuck, baby. So fucking tight for me. Always so tight," he grunted, his eyes falling shut.
My legs, which were still propped up on his shoulders, started to shake when he pulled out a little and thrust back in. He did this a few times, letting me adjust slightly, before he set a punishing pace. He set my legs around his hips and grasped my hips, pulling my body into each thrust roughly. Every time he slammed into me and hit that spot only he had ever been able to find, fireworks erupted behind my eyes.
"Negan," I groaned, "It's too much. I'm going to fucking come again."
"I know, sweet girl. Let me feel you come on my cock. I need it. Need to feel you," he panted, watching as my face twisted in pleasure, "So fucking good for me, Piper. Taking me so well."
His constant praise pulled the coil in my stomach tighter until it felt like I couldn't breathe and then it snapped, sending me spiraling into another earth shattering orgasm. My walls clenched around his length, rippling with every spasm that rocked through my body.
"So pretty when you fucking come."
His thrusts faltered, the grip on my hips tightened, and through slitted eyes I could see a flush creep across his chest. Moments later I felt a warmth spread deep inside me as he let out a raspy groan.
His hands dropped to either side of my head as he sucked air into his lung and struggled to stay on his feet. I just looked up at him, as I fought to breathe on my own, and my hand reached up and trailed across his jaw line. He was so fucking handsome that sometimes it hurt to look at him.
His eyes fluttered open and locked onto mine. "What size ring do you wear?"
My mouth popped open as I struggled to process what he just asked me. "What?"
"Ring size," he stated simply.
"Negan," I laughed, slapping his chest, "Be serious. Did fucking me make you forget the last twenty-four hours of our lives?"
A grin spread across his face. "Nearly, but no, wildflower. I remember all of it. And now I need to know what size ring you wear."
"Five, but hold your horses, turbo. We just - "
He slowly pulled out of me and stood up, holding his hand out to me. "Nope, that's all I needed to hear. Let's go get cleaned up."
"Negan, come on. We had a terrible fight - "
He cut me off again. "And fantastic make up sex. Come on. Unless you plan to attend a meeting with the Saviors naked. Wouldn't recommend that though, if you want them all to live through it."
He had successfully distracted me. I grabbed his hand and he pulled me to my feet. "What's the meeting for?"
"Thought you said we needed to fix shit? Time to start fixing shit."
Three hours later, Negan and I sat at the head of the table in the meeting room, with a room full of lieutenants staring at both of us like we had officially lost our minds. Even Dwight was present, even though his face was bruised and it was obvious he was in pain.
We'd been in the room for two hours. First topic of conversation had been focused around everyones inability to track down Daryl and then Negan threw out a grenade. He said he wanted the Sanctuary to be self-sufficient, relying predominantly on what we produced here and for the other communities to stop giving us their stuff unless we were trading. He had laid out how he wanted us to stop dealing with the other communities in general, unless it was for a specific purpose.
Even I was a little shocked as he walked through his plans for the future. It sounded like he'd been thinking about it for a while.
Dwight's eyes wandered over to mine. He sent me a big smile before opening his mouth.
"Personally, I think it's a good idea. We're creating enemies when we could be focused on building the already solid foundation we have here. And with what's been going on with Alexandria, I don't want any part of that shit anyway."
Simon nodded his head slowly. "It'll definitely cause some sacrifices on our end, but I think it's solid. I can get that weasel at Hilltop to open up a legitimate trade route with us."
"I think I can be a big help in that department," I interjected and all eyes turned to me, "Once we establish a good relationship with a community, I can supply bullets to them for things that we need. Or help repair guns they have, help them train their own soldiers, whatever," I shrugged.
"Won't it be dangerous to supply ammo to communities who might want to use that on us?" DJ asked, genuine curiosity coloring his tone.
"I don't think so," I responded before Negan could, "I plan to work with others on plans to secure our walls even more. Plus, I plan to put a limit on how many bullets we'll supply to a community per month."
Gavin spoke next, his monotone voice filling the room. "I can talk to the King about a trade route. He might be skeptical at first, but I think he'll come around once he figures out what the offer is."
"There are other logistics that need to be worked out. Other plans that have to be discussed before we get the fucking ball rolling on this shit, but I… we just wanted to make sure that no one would be strongly against it," Negan said, looking across the room.
No one said a word for a moment, until Regina spoke up.
"I have concerns. The whole reason we don't get fucked with by those other communities is because people fear us. What happens when they don't see us that way anymore? Wouldn't that just be inviting trouble here, to our home?"
A few murmurs of agreement fell from the mouths of a couple of the others.
"I get why that would be a worry," I said, sending her a small smile, "But it shouldn't be, because regardless of whether we're taking goods from communities or having trade routes set up with them, that won't stop any of us from decimating anyone that fucks with whats ours."
"Damn straight!" Simon yelled, slapping his hand on the table.
I grinned at the man before looking back to the rest of the group. "Just because we want to change up how we've been doing everything to prevent worse things from happening in the future, doesn't mean we still don't hold a reputation as a force to be reckoned with. The communities around here know what we can do. They've seen it. They know we have the numbers to back our shit up. And I'm not planning on stopping the growth of our armory. Which, I might add, has quadrupled in number since I've been here. We have a steady stream of bullets made daily. We have an army of people willing to fight for this place. Just because we're not terrorizing neighborhoods and pillaging villages doesn't make us any less terrifying."
"Well god damn, wildflower. I couldn't have said that shit better myself," Negan praised in his normal cocky tone, "She's right, though. We need to change this shit up. For the last month, I've had the kitchen only make things for all meals with ingredients that we harvest and butcher ourselves, and it's been possible. They've also been canning shit daily that they can't use for the winter months. Plus, we have a stockpile that would take us years to get through. Aside from all that, I've been talking to some of the workers. We have plans for a greenhouse so we can still have vegetables for the winter, and I have some of the farmers making sure that the livestock are reproducing. And Skinny Joey is looking into converting our generators from gas to solar powered, so we can have electricity consistently without the fear of us running out of gas."
My eyes had widened as he talked. He'd been having Ms. Ellie do that for a month? I hadn't even noticed. Which means I was right. He'd been thinking about this for a while. His eyes met mine and a devious smile pulled at his lips.
The room was silent around us as everyone soaked in the information they'd been provided.
"What about internally? Are we changing anything else? Like jobs, the point system, or anything?" DJ asked quietly.
Negan looked over at the man, causing him to shrink into his chair a little bit.
"Probably. The details of that haven't been worked out yet, so we'll continue as is until something is settled. You all will know before everyone else does."
Silence again.
"Does anyone else have any questions or concerns they want to go over before we end this?" I asked, looking around.
"When are we starting this path to self sufficiency? I have a pick up at Hilltop scheduled for next week and I think Gavin has one scheduled with The Kingdom for the same day. Are we stopping immediately?" Simon asked, a grin still on his face.
I looked over at Negan, who was already watching me. He gave a small nod towards me, giving me the greenlight to decide.
"It's effective immediately," I said, looking back at Simon, "I'll reach out to both The Kingdom and Hilltop with Negan to explain tomorrow."
"I'll get with each of you individually if your job is changing at all," Negan said, standing from the table, "Now, unless, there's anything else, all of you can kindly fuck off."
Laughter rang out as the shuffle of scooting chairs and footsteps sounded. Eventually, Negan, Simon, Dwight, and myself were left.
"Well, holy shit, guys. Making some big fucking moves, huh?" Simon chuckled.
"It's for the best. Right? You guys see how that shit with Alexandria is going. This will be better for us," I said, crossing my legs and tucking my feet under me on the chair I was sitting in.
"No, I completely agree. That whole situation is a ticking time bomb. This was the right choice," Simon agreed, nodding his head, "Just didn't think I'd live to see the day that old Negan here changed his ways."
"Fuck off," Negan growled, scowling at his friend.
"Will do, boss man," Simon stood to go help Dwight up, but turned to look at me, "Hey, when I went to Alexandria to look for Daryl, I saw your brother."
"Oh?"
"He wants to meet with you," he glanced over at Negan, "Next Friday at four, outside Purcellville. He said something about that being a middle ground or something. And that he would be bringing three people with him and that you were welcome to bring people, too, just not Negan."
I cringed at that, but Negan just laughed.
"That kid really fucking hates me, huh?" He asked, shaking his head.
"He's an idiot," I sighed, "Thanks, Simon."
When Simon and Dwight left, Negan wrapped his arms around me and pulled me over into his lap.
"Did that sound like a good start?" He whispered, kissing down my neck.
"It sounds amazing, Negan. You told me you didn't know how to fix this, but it sounds like you've been thinking about this for a while, huh?" I asked, letting my eyes drift close as his lips continued to make their way across my neck.
He hummed an affirmative. "Thinking about it, hadn't decided yet, though. Just needed that smart mouth to put me in gear, I suppose."
I rolled my eyes, but a grin settled on my face.
"Do you wanna go watch a movie and lay in bed today? I think we need a day to ourselves."
"You read my fucking mind, wildflower," he growled as he suddenly stood from the chair and maneuvred me over his shoulder.
"Jesus, you Neanderthal! Put me down. I can walk back to our room," I commanded as he started walking across the room, trying my hardest to sound stern.
"No can do, babydoll," he teased, his hand coming up to slap my ass as he made his way down the hall.
I squealed at the sting of his palm hitting me, but a smile settled over my face as he carried me to our room.
