Special Victims

Olivia

"He barely raped me. I wouldn't even call it that," she said as she lay on the hospital bed. "…he couldn't…"

Melinda still unwrapped the swab. "If there was any penetration or if he touched the area we need to put the evidence on the file."

She sighed and nodded and closed her eyes, hoping Melinda would be quick and efficient.

"You know that moment in every good drama thriller," Olivia spoke, trying to process it all. ",when the main character is sitting in the thick of something traumatic and all the sound becomes muffled like…like we're watching someone drown. And the light is blurry and the sounds go in and out with ear piercing feedback and unrecognizable voices, and you're...their heart beat is pulsing like it's right behind your ears. I've sat through thousands of victim's stories. The details. The worst of the worst. You think you know how the victim feels. You think you know how you'd react," Olivia stopped. Her eyes wide open now looking at the ceiling of the hospital room as Melinda ended her rape kit.

"Finished," Melinda practically whispered, as she packaged the swab and pulled off her rubber gloves.

"It's just like that, Melinda…just like the movies," Olivia turned to look her in the eyes. "Only…you're still the one watching…you're just floating above yourself looking down, and watching it happen to yourself. Thinking about everything you were afraid to do or say…everyone you were afraid to love. All of your failures…hoping it will be quick and that you can push out any of the pain."

Melinda grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly. "Oh, Liv, you're not a failure. You're the strongest woman I know. Can I hug you?"

Olivia lifted herself from the bed and Melinda cradled her into a tight hug. The paper gown crinkled between them and they both sobbed.

Bernie

"I've been the wife of a cop for 40 plus years and never have I lived through such horror," Bernie gasped on the couch clinging to Elliot in Captain Cragen's office. She had bandages on each cheek where Lewis had left his mark, and she dabbed her tears before they could wet her taped up face.

Elliot was estranged to his mother these days, yet in a time of crisis they attempted to keep their jaded past at bay. She clung to him in the same manner that he clung to her as a child. "I'm so sorry, Mama. It was all my fault," he rubbed her back with one hand and squeezed her arthritic hand with his other.

"Why was my beach house even mentioned," she sniffed.

"I thought I was texting Olivia."

"Eh, I hate text."

"And I also thought you were still in queens. Near Kathleen. When did you move to the beach house?"

She pushed him away. "Years ago. Years. I've been living there. If you called. You'd know that!," she snapped.

Cragen handed Bernie a Kleenex. "Mrs. Stabler, can you walk us through the details? Starting with what you were doing before Lewis… assaulted you."

"I went for a walk on the beach after dinner. As I always do. Stopped at my neighbor's house to borrow an egg. I wanted to make muffins in the morning. I had bad bananas. And we ended up chatting too long, playing gin rummy, and drinking a few bottles of Pinot Grigio. I didn't get back to my house until late. 2am.."

"2am," Elliot judged.

"What do you care? I'm retired. I can have my fun. I wish I had just stayed there! My lights were on, but I have a timer on them so I didn't think anything of it. When I opened the door, there he was in my kitchen. Smiling. I tried to scream, but it was stuck in my throat. He pulled the gun on me, and handcuffed me to a kitchen chair . He told me I was a special treat. That I was just what he needed to get the job done. I told him my son was a cop and he better let me go. That Elliot would hunt him and make him rot in jail for the rest of his days. But he just laughed. I said ,' if he left now, I wouldn't even turn him in.' I told him where my good jewelry was and where I kept my money in the bedroom. But he just smiled and got close to my face. 'I'm going to take something better than money and jewels. How about we paint a little picture for your son, Elliot. Something that he'll never forget. Something he'll dream about for years to come. Elliot, maybe you shouldn't hear this," she stopped.

"It's okay Mama, just tell us what happened," Elliot's face grew soft and crestfallen.

"He took my painting knife and held it under a lighter. He said to tell Elliot he should have walked her home. I didn't know what he meant by that. I could hear her trying to yell and mumble from the back room, and then I screamed when the hot knife hit my cheek, and she got louder. 'Help! STOP! Lewis. Stop!'. He didn't like how loud she was yelling. He tossed the knife and went back to the bedroom and pulled her into the living room. She was tied up with…rope…he said I was going to watch. And he….I can't say it, Elliot."

"Mama, it's okay."

"He tried to…force himself on her. She didn't move. She just kept saying "don't look." and she… asked him why he had to have me there to…Eh, this is too much."

"You have to give as much as you can, Mama," Elliot gently pushed her.

"Eventually, he got mad, said if I closed my eyes he would burn her with his cigarette. He lit a cigarette and tried again. I couldn't help but close my eyes. It was so horrible. He burned her several times. She screamed and that got him motivated again. But he…was having trouble. She wasn't doing what he wanted her to do, She was just laying there, so he burned her again and again, and then he gave up. He pulled her to the back room and left her there. And he came back, duct taped my legs and my mouth, and said that he'd see me in the morning. He went back to the room with her. And all was quiet until the sun came up. I woke up to them fighting in the back room. There was crashing and yelling and then quiet again. I couldn't see what was happening. When the door opened I panicked but it wasn't him. She came out this time. We didn't recognize each other at first. It's been a long time since I've seen Elliot's wife."

"Ma, she's my old partner Olivia, not my wife."

Bernie huffed at him in a fluster. "If you say so. Olivia asked me if I was okay while she undid the duct tape. I said I would be fine. I was very upset. She tried to get the handcuffs off of the chair, but couldn't. The chairs are old cast iron.

Flashback

"This chair is solid," Olivia gave up on the iron rod Bernie was cuffed to. She looked at the broken cell phone in the center of the kitchen floor. "Do you have a landline?"

"I don't. Please don't leave me," Bernie sobbed.

"It's okay. I'm going to get us out of here," she softly spoke. Sweat dripped from her forehead and her heartbeat was thumping under her dirty wet T-shirt. Her eyes fell to a picture framed on a nearby side table. A younger Elliot was holding Maureen and a baby Kathleen next to Bernie. They appeared to be at a baptism.

"This is Elliot," She said with surprise.

"That's my son and my grandbabies. Two of them. You know him?"

"You're…," a swell of emotion came over Olivia. She held back tears. "Elliot's mom"

"Yes."

"I…know your son. He was my partner for…12 years."

"Oh yes, why…why are you here with that man? Is Elliot alright?"

Olivia's eye darted to the back room. "I…think so. Wait here. He has a phone…I'll be right back."

Flash to present.

"She went to the backroom for a long time. I could hear her talking to him. I couldn't make out what she was saying. But ten minutes must have gone by. When she came back out she had a phone and a gun. She said she called for help. And then she handed me the phone and went back to the room with the gun. He must have come too, because I could hear him laughing. And five minutes later…or so…that man cop came into the front door…."

As Bernie recounted more of her trauma, Elliot could see through the blinds on the office window and noticed Olivia being taken into the room next door with Tucker in the lead and Brian following her. He could barely concentrate on what his mother was saying.

"Why is IAB interviewing her now?," he interrupted Bernie.

Cragen cleared his throat and jumped up. "Ah, hold that thought, Mrs. Stabler. I need to take care of this."

The Captain rushed over to the office next door.

"Elliot, I'm so glad she was there. She saved my life. Is the man dead?"

Elliot half responded to her, his thoughts were on the other room. "Ah…I don't know, but if he isn't, he'll wish he was."

"He should go straight to the electric chair."

"Can't disagree with you there….," he stood now, growing anxious.

After a moment, Olivia and Brian were headed to the elevators.

"Wait here, Mama. Liv," he stopped her.

Brian had his arm around the small of her back and his jacket around her shoulders, but Elliot could care less about Brian's feelings. He pulled her to the side of the elevator.

"Did Tucker make you-"

"No," she interrupted him. "I'll have to give my details…in the morning."

"The details where Lewis broke free and grabbed the gun, forcing you to defend yourself with that rod," he asked.

She blinked, understanding his concern that her reaction at the beach house could be held against her, and that she could go to jail for murder or assault. "Those details…I…eh…"

"Do you have a lawyer?"

Brian pushed in. "Why would she need a lawyer?"

Elliot pulled them to the side. "Until Lewis is pronounced dead, this case has a dirty ending and IAB knows it, and they will have your badge and…my badge, before you have your first PTSD nightmare. I've been working with IAB for a long time now, Liv. They will not let manslaughter slide without an air tight story."

"Okay," Brian pushed him back and pulled Olivia back to the elevator. "She can think about this in the morning."

"Liv, I…," he started to say, until she looked him in the eyes with her hollow pale face. It held every horrific moment in the depths of her tired, sullen eyes, and down turned lips. The worst was yet to come, but she had nothing left for the battle. He knew this game all too well. He wanted to lift her off of the ground like a child, take her with him, home, and take care of her until she warmed a room again with the brightness of her soul.

"-...Brian's right. Get sleep," is all he could say as Brian pulled her into his chest and pushed the elevator down button again. "I'll call you tomorrow."

"Great," Brian nodded, half serious and half annoyed.

Olivia had no wherewithal to hear any of it. Amaro and Rollins and Fin watched with concern. Elliot was ready for battle. Cragen was giving her the ol 'take care of yourself first' speech, and all she could feel was nothing. She held herself together as best she could, and turned away from all of it with glassy eyes and an overwhelming numbness.

Elliot

Elliot had his own PTSD after listening to his mother go through the details of her trauma with Lewis and Olivia.

He checked his phone every hour and tossed and turned. The control freak in him couldn't stand not being there for her. Or worse that Brian was holding her tonight. Brian Cassedy. He punched his pillow and tossed in bed the other direction. When he did pass out, his dreams were riddled with her and most of them ended in a nightmare.

Dream

"I now pronounce you man and wife," Elliot's priest smiled.

Brian and Olivia kiss in the center of his church and she walks by him. He is wrinkled and frail. Sitting alone in a pew while his family sits on the other side of the church unable to see him.

"Congratulations, Olivia."

"What a beautiful couple!"

"They were always a good match."

The guests could be heard cheering on the bride and groom. Then Brian and Olivia turned for one final goodbye, only this time Brian was Lewis. "I knew you'd never forget me!," he laughed over and over again.

Elliot jumped out of his skin. His eyes wide. His heart raced.

He was at Brian Cassedy's apartment by 7am. He sat in his car and waited for any signs of movement behind the windows before ringing the bell. By 8am, when there still was no sign of life in the apartment, he walked to the starbucks, grabbed coffee, and rang the buzzer until Cassedy opened the door.

"Stabler, what the hell?," Brian said through a groggy voice. His eyes could barely open, his hair was greasy and wild, and he only had on boxer shorts.

"Let me in, Liv's got an IAB appointment in 3 hours. I got coffee and a… to do list."

Brian sighed and grunted and begrudgingly opened the door. His apartment was a mixture of bare walls, sports paraphernalia, mismatched furniture, and countertops piled high with old mail, take out packets, half empty beer cans, and spare keys.

"Jesus Cassedy, looks like a frat house in here. You ever stop to buy a big boy couch and a maid," Elliot scolded him and pushed a pile of junk off of a bit of his rickety kitchen table.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me that coffee," he scratched. "Liv finally fell asleep, so keep it down. She could use the extra hour."

Elliot perked up at her name and looked to the back hallway, as if she would be there. She was not. "Okay," he whispered. "Martha Marron is going to take the case."

"Marron! Liv can't afford her."

"I already talked to Amaro, Fin, and Cragen. A bunch of us are pitching in. IAB is gonna want to see her in 3 hours. Marron will be meeting us before that. We need to align the story now, before any of this becomes an issue."

"I wrote it down," her voice said from behind him.

She was bruised and barely awake in cotton Pajamas and a messy ponytail. Elliot took in a full shot of air for the first time in days, as she walked past him, stunning and holding onto an inch of confidence,

"Good, you brought coffee…starbucks?," she turned her nose up, and then took the hot cup anyway as she joined the men at the table.

Her leg touched his for a moment and Elliot twitched and moved the papers around in front of him. He held back a blush, pulled his leg away, but his careful eyes held onto her gaze.

"Yeah, Starbucks. It's the only coffee shop-"

"-in a 5 block radius," they both said together.

Brian shook his head and stood up. He was oblivious to them most of the time, but after his little conversation with Elliot, he was starting to feel like the odd man out. "If I have to hear about the bad coffee in my neighborhood one more time," Cassedy yawned and gave up. "I'm gonna let you two figure this out. I have the late shift tonight, so I should get a few more hours in. Liv, if you need me I'll be sleeping.". He then kissed her in the forehead. "Elliot…," He nodded suspiciously and shuffled to the back room.

Olivia could practically hear Elliot's tormented thoughts as Brian walked away. "Don't," she said out loud as she took a second sip of bitter Pike's Place.

He licked his lips irritated, but let it slide, she had enough on her plate. Including the bright red cut over her eye and lip that looked painful to look at. "You got meds for those cuts?"

Her hand jumped to touch it ", Is it bad?"

"It's red. You should put something on it."

"Yeah," She stood up, pulled a paper from underneath the pile Elliot had created when he sat at the table, and pushed everything out of the way. "Here read this.I wrote everything down last night exactly how I remember it. I don't think I have it in me to lie. And…if nobody wants to stand up for me in IAB, then…I don't know what…"

Elliot started to read her handwriting as she walked to a bag on Cassidy's couch to get her prescription and clean her face wounds.

"I get that you don't want to lie, Liv. The only thing I'm concerned about is the gun and the number of times you…hit him. I just think…adding that he grabbed hold of the gun when you dropped it, would make this case a little more…rock solid."

Elliot stopped reading and watched her. She was standing next to the microwave trying to apply antibiotic cream in the reflection of the glass. She dropped the cap twice and winced when she bent over.

"But he didn't grab the gun," she turned to find him standing next to her reaching for the tiny tube.

"Let me help you?"

"I got it. I'm fine. It's fine."

She always protested his help, but Elliot wasn't backing down. He washed his hands and gently squeezed a tiny amount of cream on his finger.

"Let me see your face."

"El, I already got it. I'm not an invalid."

"Liv, would you just let somebody take care of you…for once."

"Fine," she gave in.

His finger touched her wounds, but it was the warmth of his body next to her that was most comforting.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Your welcome," he whispered back.

"I can't lie about Lewis, Elliot. And he didn't grab the gun."

Elliot tried to hear her out, but it was his job on the line too. He pretended to be Tucker for a moment. "Detective Benson, why did you have to hit Lewis so many times after help arrived? Did he have a gun? Did Detective Stabler have a gun? Why didn't Detective Stabler use the gun?"

"Okay, Okay…I get it."

He could see her heart beating faster and stopped. "I'll do whatever you want, but we don't know what Lewis remembers. If he makes it out of surgery, this could go to trial."

"Why did you let me hit him so many times,"she pulled away from him. "Why…why didn't you shoot him…for me?"

"After what you'd been through…it seemed best to give you the power…to let you finish him. I honestly…it happened so fast and…I've never seen you like that, Liv. ANd I don't mean the rage. I mean…he did a number on you, and I'm sorry if I made things worse, but I've seen just as many rape vicitms as you, and I don't care what the rules are…you deserved that final moment."

She nodded, and backed away. "I wasn't raped."

"Attempted rape is…"

"-Handled the same way. Yes. I know. I know," she finished his sentence.

Her eyes glazed over and she started to pick at a hangnail on her finger and he couldn't help himself . He sat next to her and held her hand. "You're gonna get through this, Liv."

"Yeah, I know, Elliot," she snapped, unintentionally.

He nodded and pulled his hand away, knocking over his coffee all over the table. "Crap!" The coffee soaked and stained a bunch of paperwork on Brian's table. "Shit, was that your paperwork or his?"

"I got it," she said, grabbing paper towels. "He keeps saying we should move in together, but as you can see, we aren't really aligned in the homegoods department."

"You think," he said as he lifted a handful of salt and pepper packets from the center of the table that were now ruined by wet coffee. "He can't invest in some salt shakers or does he just eat out so much, he's made a collection of take out condiments?"

She wanted to laugh, but the reality of it all felt too heavy. Instead she stopped and looked at the man she knew she loved. She knew he was right. She hated that he was right. But also…he was different now. Lighter. Calmer. Present. "You…"

He tossed the last of the paper towels and climbed back on the kitchen chair. "Yeah?"

"I'm sorry, I just snapped. I… I appreciate the help. And I'm glad you're home."

He nodded and bit his lip a little trying to find the best way to share the next thing on his to-do list.

They sat in awkward silence for a moment and then Liv got up.

"I'm gonna get a shower and get ready. You driving me?," she asked.

"Hey," he stopped her and pulled a card out of her pocket. "I know…therapy isn't…your thing. But I started going…to therapy…in Italy, and I had some things happen over there that I didn't think would effect me, and then they did. But…anyway, here," he handed her a card. "I've been to this guy a few times. He's good. He helped me when I was drugged and raped, and-"

"You…," she stopped him.

"It's not a big deal. Nothing like what you just went through. An undercover thing. Anyway, I didn't want to bring that up. It's not about me. But, go see this guy, okay," he quickly stood up, put the card in her hand and walked to the door. "I'll…I'll wait for you in the car. Just text me."

AN: This was a hard chapter to write y'all. Hope you're enjoying it! The light at the end of the tunnel is coming I promise! LOL.