Louise Françoise le Blanc de la Vallière, third daughter of the Vallière family, infamous zero, playmate of Princess Henrietta, professional tsundere, involuntary demolitionist, and de facto protagonist of her franchise (Saito? Whose that?), was in a pickle.

She had no idea how to make friends.

Or more specifically a friend.

She had one once, the aforementioned princess, although she doubts Henrietta thinks about her as much as she does about the princess. But that was arranged by their parents, and they had just gotten along as children tend to.

But after time had stripped her of her playmate, she has recently come to the rather depressing realisation that she has never had a friend since.

Which was troublesome, as this lack of experience means she has no idea how to approach the subject of befriending the schools latest bookworm, Blanc.

It wasn't as if she knew they would get along, all she knew is that they shared a mutual dislike of Kirche, and the same body consciousness issues.

She can only imagine how that would go as a conversation starter 'hey we both have small breasts and hate a cow, let's be friends!'

Louise cringed at the thought.

But still, Louise didn't want to give up, Blanc seemed to spend most of her free time in the library or sitting alone reading outside.

In other words, she doesn't interact with the rest of the students outside of classes, which means that this might be Louise's only chance to make a good first impression before it's tainted by the 'zero' stigma.

With that in mind, she had decided that using her limited knowledge of the girl, she settled on one of the only other common grounds she had with the brunette.

Books.

So with all the confidence she could fake, and clutching a book that she had already read, but hoped would give her enough talking points to keep a potential conversation going, she walked up to the library table where Blanc always seemed to sit.

"Excuse me, may I sit here?"

The Brunette looked up at the interruption, and then Louise was forced to watch as Blanc's eyes swept across the room, no doubt observing all the other empty tables Louise could be sitting on. She tried not to sweat and Blanc raised her eyebrow at her.

But just as Louise was going to find a hole to crawl in and die, Blanc shrugged. "Sure, go ahead."

Louise internally breathed a sigh of relief as the rejection she was expecting did not arrive. Externally she said, "thank you." and sat opposite of Blanc to hopefully better facilitate conversation.

She didn't start talking right away of course. Casual was the key, can't force this too hard. Instead she opened her book and pretended to read.

Stage one complete.

Now what?

To be honest she hadn't really planned this far ahead. How does one start a conversation about books with a stranger?

After several agonising minutes. Blanc sighed, closed her book, steepled her fingers and said. "So, how can I help you?"

"Eh, w-w-what do you mean?" Louise stammed. She wasn't ready dammit.

"Please. You have been on the same page for about five minutes, I doubt the novel is that dense, and your eyes keep darting in my direction. You aren't exactly subtle." Blanc words cut right through her tissue thin facade like a razor through ricepaper.

Louise was beet red, but her pride demanded she put up at least a token resistance. "Nothing, I'm just… reading slowly. Don't be so presumptuous!"

Louise regretted the words immediately. But Blanc seems unphased. "Surrrre you are."

Even with the obvious disbelief in her tone, she went to pick up her book again, and Louise was almost deluded into thinking she got away with it, when Blanc said, this time far more casually. "So what did you want again?"

Louise managed to get even redder as she tried to hide as much of her face behind her book as possible. "...are you enjoying that book?"

Blanc sighed, her eyes tracing the words on the page. "It's alright. Could do with a little more substance though. I'm not asking for a conflict every chapter but, I find myself wishing that they'd just stop agonising over every little thing and stab somebody already."

"Oh… is it an adventure story?" Louise said, having not expected a middling review, nor constructive criticism

"Nah, romance." Blanc said. "I find a lot of romantic scenes can be enhanced with a sword fight or two."

Now Louise was just wondering if Blanc was messing with her.

"But seriously, this can't just be for book recommendations." Blanc said. "What do you want?"

Louise mumbled something.

Blanc cocked her ear. "Couldn't catch that."

"...Was just trying to start a conversation." Louise mumbled a little louder, finally accepting the inevitable.

"Oh, just killing time huh? Not sure what's so embarrassing about that." Blanc said. "Any reason why it's me though? All your other friends busy?"

Louise really didn't want to answer that.

Not that she needed to, as the silence spoke volumes to Blanc. "Right… sorry I asked."

Now Louise really wanted to die right now, she wondered how much Blanc had just guessed. Why is friendship so hard? Everybody else seems to manage just fine.

Blanc sighs, before putting down her book. "So tell me about yourself."

Louise blinked in surprise. "P-pardon? Why?"

"...Is there a nice way of saying I feel sorry for you, so I'm humouring your attempt to start a dialog?" Blanc said, after spending a minute struggling to think of that very thing.

That at least managed to abate Louise's embarrassment, if only because it was replaced with irritation. "I don't want pity."

"Well too bad, you got it." Blanc said. "Wanna fight about it?"

Louise's irritation was now replaced with confusion. "What? Why?"

"I mean if you wanna make a big deal about a little pity, you can." Blanc shrugged. "I can't really change how I feel about the situation."

"You could be a little more tactful." Mumbled Louise in response.

"Well I'm not." Blanc said. "This is just how I am, if you can't handle this then you might as well leave. If not, then tell me about yourself."

Slightly regretting her decision to attempt this operation, but both the sunk cost fallacy, her self awareness of her own confrontational nature, and her pride made her push forward regardless. At least her embarrassment was replaced with mild irritation, so she had that going for her.

"My name is Louise Françoise le Blanc de la Vallière. We are in the same year." Louise said, only with mild reproachfulness.

"Names Blanc, no other name. I think I sit next to you in class." Blanc offered cooly.

"you do," Louise confirmed. "Why don't you have a family name?" It was strange, perhaps the daughter of disgraced Nobility? But that wouldn't explain how she could attend the academy.

"I never knew any parents to give me one." Blanc said, shrugging. "Lived up in a cabin in the wilderness, raised by some old guy, then after he died I raised myself."

"You are an orphan?" Louise asked.

"That is what I just said. From my perspective you all have way too many names." Blanc said. "By the way, I notice we have a name in common."

"Yeah, I noticed that." Louise said. Internally she was slightly relieved. Blanc, despite being rather coarse, seems to be fairly easy to talk to.

"Was that why you wanted to talk to me? A common name?" Blanc said, throwing another curveball.

"Excuse me?" Louise said, hoping that Blanc was not insinuating what she thinks she is insinuating.

"Look, I get that whatever it is is probably pretty uncomfortable, and I don't need the whole story. But I kinda need to know why you want to hang out with me. Because I don't want trouble, and if there is some kind of issue, I'd rather hear it from you then someone else, and I'm pretty sure you would prefer it to." Blanc said.

Louise starred like a deer caught in the headlights, so Blanc added. "Orr, we can end this conversation here. Your choice."

With that, she picked her book up and waited for Louise to make her decision.

Blanc supposes that it was a little cruel to the girl, but she isn't Neptune, and she wasn't here to socialise. She was here to make sure Tabitha didn't get killed by her Uncle, and to find her girlfriend. She didn't mind hanging out with this girl, but first she had to make sure that she wasn't going to cause her any more problems than she already had. If Louise didn't like it, it wasn't Blancs problem.

"Alright." Louise said, making Blanc put down her book to listen once again. "I don't have a lot of friends, as you seem to have gathered… In fact I don't really have any friends."

Blanc nodded for her to continue.

"The reason is…" This was very painful, but she pushed on regardless. "I… am not very good at magic."

Blanc stared blankly, and after a moment she said. "Is that it?"

Louise looked rather miffed. "What do you mean 'is that it'?"

"I mean I was assuming something much worse. Like you were some sort of bastard, or a close relative was a traitor to the crown, or maybe you used to be a bully, and now everybody hates you. Are you seriously telling me that people won't be your friend because you aren't good at magic?" Blanc said, incredulous.

"Well… very not good," Lousie admitted.

"No you misunderstand, I'm just surprised anyone could be that petty." Blanc said, "I mean I doubt everybody here is skilled, why single out one student?"

"Very very, not good." Louise clarified again, hating this.

"I feel like I'm missing some subtext here." Blanc said, raising her eyebrow.

"I have never successfully cast a spell, every time I try, they explode." Louise said.

This awarded another Blank look from Blanc. "...Oh... that bad huh?"

Louise nodded miserably.

"Don't get me wrong, I mean this is in the nicest possible way… why are you at a magical academy?"

"Because I'd rather not be a failure, thank you very much!" Louise said hotly. "Unlike you, I have a family name I'm trying not to disgrace." and instantly regretted what she said.

Thankfully Blanc didn't seem phased by the comment, as she seemed to think for a moment. "Oh, right. Yeah, magic is tied into the nobility… right. So I guess nobles are judged for their magical ability?"

Louise opened her mouth to ask how she didn't know what, shut it again when she remembered she was raised in the woods, and opened it again. "Yes, that's right, we are often judged by our magical ability, and my parents, the Duke and Dutchess Vallière, and are both accomplished mages, so I am often judged more harshly for my comparative lack of ability, especially when my elder sisters are also considered." She said, adding the part about her parents since she realised, with how this conversation is going, that Blanc probably didn't know about her family either.

"Well that sucks." Blanc said, privately thinking about how stupid that is, magical ability doesn't correllate with ability to goven, she should know, her sisters are amazing at magic and they wouldn't know the first thing about governance, and Ram especially doesn't seem to be grasping it any time soon. And nobody in their right mind would let MAGES. be in charge of anything that wasn't mad science or blowing up monsters.

"Thats it?" Louise said, mildly put off by her lukewarm response.

"What? You seem like a decent girl, if a bit needy. But that's excusable by your obvious self esteem issues. Yet your worth as a person is being judged only by a quality that you lack. So yeah, it sucks. My pity for you grows." Blanc said.

"...I'm honestly having trouble telling whether you are trying to comfort me or piss me off." Louise said, completely nonplussed.

"Sorry, I've been starved of banter recently, and you made a convenient straight man." Blanc said, and then blinked 'Wow my Neptune withdrawal is getting worse.'

Now Louise was just confused. "What?"

"Nevermind." Blanc said. "So you are basically ostracised because of your inability to do magic, and you approached me because as a new student who spends most of her time alone, you might have a chance of befriending me, before my opinion is tainted by your reputation, is that correct?"

Yikes, hearing it back somehow makes it sound even more pathetic. Nevertheless Louise nodded.

"Eh, I can live with that." Blanc said. "That doesn't sound too bad, feel free to hang around with me if you want."

"Well now I'm not sure I want to." Louise groused.

"Your choice." Blanc shrugged.

"No wait-" Louise said.

"I get it, I get it, honestly you really are too uptight." Blanc said. "You should really try and relax more."

Then Kirche entered the room

"Ohoho." If it isn't two of my favourite people-" was all she managed to say before a ballistic book hit her in the forehead.

"What have I told you about breathing around me?!" Blanc said hotly as the redhead hit the floor.

Blanc straightened up from her pitcher's pose, and blew some hair out of her eyes. And then turned back to a thoroughly gobsmacked Louise.

Louise didn't even see her move.

"So… yeah, nice meeting you Louise." Blanc said, awkwardly. "We'll talk more later."

Blanc turned stiffly and left the room before she exposed herself to any more irony.

Louise blinked and looked down at the dazed Germanian, and all the tension of the encounter, all her stress, just burst out of her in laughter.

She clutched her sides as she fell right off her seat, and laughed, and laughed, and laughed until her ribs hurt, and she was struggling to breath.

When she eventually managed to struggle back to her feet, and reign in her uncharacteristic loss of composure, and despite having a stitch from laughing too much, her steps felt much lighter then they had in a long time. The simple realisation warming her to her core.

"I have a friend!"


Tabitha poked the prone body of her friend. "Deathwish?"

"Persistence, my dear, persistence." Kirche said, sounding dizzy. "Eventually she might run out of things to throw."

"Doubtful." Tabitha siad, remembering Blancs inventory.


Chapter Notes:

As you might notice, I'm playing a bit with Louise's self esteem issues here, because honestly from what I see, she is a super lonely person, whose only real interactions with most of her classmates beyond hushed criticism is Kirches teasing. I imagine most people don't even antagonise her to her face, she is the daughter of a duke after all, that is one step below royalty in a feudal system. Hell, in the first episode of the anime I was surprised by how cordial Guiche was to Louise, helping her with Saito with minimal mockery (could be remembering wrong though, been a while, and I am in no hurry to double check).

And I know Blanc does come off as slightly mean in this chapter, but cut her some slack, she's far from home, her girlfriend has been missing for months, and she has been dealing with Kirches ribbing for an extended period (at least when Kirche can get a word in edgewise before she gets a ballistic book to the head, don't worry, cartoon/anime logic, blows to the head aren't dangerous until a fight scene starts). But Yeah, Blanc just doesn't want trouble and her patience is wearing thinner and thinner as time goes by.

Also Louise isn't nearly as vitriolic as she usually appears in other fanfics, but that is mostly because A) Blanc is another student, not a random dude she summoned from who knows where who does nothing but embarrass her, but a peer, who she is expected to be cordial with, and B) she is really really trying to make a friend here.

Expect a bit more of Louise's grumpiness to surface as she gets more comfortable around Blanc and her lack of filter.

Publishing so soon after the last one, because I got bored releasing them a few days apart, and these two chapters are so short anyway, might as well.

And this is the last of my procrastination pile, onto actually writing new stuff.