6) Some Days I Can't Even Trust Myself

Serenity's bay was closed up. That meant either Kaylee had found some paying passengers (hopefully regular law-abiding citizens who wanted an easy languorous journey) or there hadn't been any takers. The docks weren't exactly filled with travelers at this time of day so he wouldn't be surprised if it was the latter.

If they did have passengers everyone knew to keep their mouths shut about River. They'd had a long talk about the potential for problems passengers could cause for them. River had a lot more control over speaking on what she heard from everyone, so it was unlikely she'd give herself away. The rest of them just had to refrain from mentioning anything to do with things River might hear. And the words 'psychic' and 'reader' were flat out banned from bein' said. If they didn't say it, nobody could overhear it, accidentally or on purpose.

Keying in the code to open the bay up again didn't take long and since they had more cargo coming (of the milled lumber variety) they'd need the cargo ramp down anyway. Mal gave Zoë (otherwise known as his right hand) a concerned look when he thought she couldn't see him. While he appreciated the backup (and sensible comments) he wasn't sure how long she'd be able to come out on these sorties with him. She'd been wrecked enough by Wash's death, he wouldn't risk losing her to the heartbreak of a miscarriage. Simon had been very clear about the effect losing the baby would have on his oldest friend.

Kaylee's cheerful face popped out of the passenger lounge, "Cap'n! Got us some passengers."

"Please God, no more fugitives," Mal muttered to himself. He was aware of Zoë slanting an amused look at him and reminded himself that River and Simon had proved worth their weight in platinum. Especially when they were in general, lying low, "You gotta admit, somethin' simple'd be a nice change."

"Simple don't always mean easy sir," She reminded him.

"Well yeah but over-complex ain't exactly smooth sailin' either," He retorted and crossed the bay to the passenger lounge.

The blonde woman was pretty, tall and athletic looking. The fellow next to her made Jayne look short and skinny, shaved head, miners' goggles and enough muscle to make the aforementioned Jayne feel insecure. To accompany the muscles and height the man also wore no less than three guns. The boy(?) also sported a crewcut, baggy clothing and a wary look in those dark eyes. Each of the potential passengers had a single duffle bag in their hands. Traveling that light didn't bode well for his hopes of law-abiding citizens.

Kaylee's smile flickered for a moment and returned just as bright. He really needed to work on keeping his face under control. "Cap'n, these are Carolyn, Rick and Jack," She pointed out each of the three.

"Captain Malcolm Reynolds," He nodded. "This is Zoë Washburn, my First Mate." He regarded the three of them thoughtfully. Hard to tell what the eyes under the goggles were looking at but the man held himself like he expected an attack. The woman was wary and the kid… well, the white knuckled grip on the duffle spoke to the tension in that party. "Ya'll have work on New Melbourne?"

The blonde, Carolyn, seemed to have been elected the group's spokesperson, "Not really. Just looking to get off Paquin, our boat was picked up by pirates…" She hesitated and the huge hún dàn Rick took up the tale.

"Considerin' it was kinda a lifeboat they picked us up from, we really couldn't be choosy about the ride, our ship crashed," That voice sounded halfway between the growl of a nasty thunderstorm and the smooth burn of aged whiskey. Mal wasn't really sure which of the two held higher sway over the man's nature and at the moment he wasn't keen to find out.

"When justice finally caught up with 'em we got a 'so sorry' and not much else except a ride here," The younger one, Jack, made a face that suggested she wasn't exactly impressed with the Feds.

"We actually wondered if you were taking on new crew at all," Carolyn added. "I'm a pilot, used to fly cryo container ships to the Outer Rim. Rick's a decent pilot himself, and he knows a thing or two about engines."

"River meet these folks yet?" Mal flicked his eyes over to Kaylee in a question obvious to the mechanic and his crew.

"Saw them coming," River slipped out of the shadows on the stairs, soundless cat feet descending as she spoke. Everyone in the room jumped, though Rick seemed to be the only one irritated that he'd been surprised. River drifted between Mal and Zoë as if they were trees rooted to the ground, kissed Kaylee's cheek and circled the trio before smiling up at Mal like a child. "He must trust to his own judgement."

Mal tilted his head, "Uh huh." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. A little fatherly affection always settled River after she'd encountered new minds. "What'd you think then? Take 'em on?"

"Perhaps a trial run," River looked at Zoë who nodded her understanding. "From here to New Melbourne. Professions align but perhaps personalities clash. No shame in it."

"We could use a few more hands sir," Zoë's voice, carefully neutral, almost as good as a shout. So, she'd back him either way, but she wanted him to remember that they were undermanned.

Mal looked over at her and Zoë gave him the cautiously approving look that meant he ought to be careful, but she'd back him. "Well, you heard her. Get yourselves settled into the dorms. We've got cargo coming sooner rather'n later and while we're dealing with that River can show you around Serenity." He looked at Kaylee, "Little Kaylee, I believe you're on dinner duty?"

"Yep," She nodded with a smile. "I'm fixin' to start that soon's we get Jack, Rick an' Carolyn settled."

Simon had emerged from the infirmary finally, "River and I can do that bǎo bèi. I can get the dorms made up with bedding and she knows Serenity as well as you do." He smiled at Kaylee and Mal thanked all the stars in the heavens that the Doc had finally gotten his head out of his pì gu about the girl.

"I'll get goin' on dinner then," Kaylee nodded and hurried up the steps River had just come down.

Zoë began to follow her, "If you'll excuse me sir." Mal flapped a hand in dismissal and looked over the three potential crew members. His First Mate needed naps a lot more often these days and they'd have to think about shifting quarters around so she didn't have to climb a ladder with a baby. Even in the early days, Simon had mentioned that because of her age, Zoë would need more rest than usual.

"We ain't had passengers in a while an' we've had new crew in only slightly less a while than that," He leaned against the stair railing and ignored the fact that River had slipped out from under his arm and was climbing up the ladder to a passenger dorm. "I'm only gonna say this once. Anything you see or hear aboard Serenity stays within her walls. I am all manner of protective of my crew an' if I conjure you're part of it then I'll be the same with you."

"Secrets, secrets are no fun, secrets, secrets hurt someone," River chanted as she slid the door open and peeked inside.


He'd seen a lot of strange things during his time in the 'verse. Heard of even stranger. But this slender girl/woman had them all beat. Something about her…itched his brain. Dark eyes taking in everything. She didn't seem all there either. Not completely anyway.

Her slightly crazed giggle overhead lent credence to that theory. "Everything that drowns me makes me want to fly," She laughed and jumped down from the ladder to land behind him.

The Captain didn't look shocked, though he did seem a little dismayed at the display, "River's our pilot when I ain't doin' the job." He offered as though that explained the giggly girl's antics. "She's Simon's little sister."

"We mustn't visit Demeter's daughter, not until Hades releases her from her sojourn in hell," River informed them solemnly as she slipped between Riddick and Carolyn past her Captain to the controls on the wall. Her voice shifted from insane to mundane, "Cargo is here."

Riddick inhaled reflexively as she passed, and half smiled. The Captain gave her a look as he turned towards the cargo bay, "River." His words only made a partial amount of sense, "Are you here today?"

"Here and now is transitory," She told him in a solemn tone. "But she is present. Thoughts flit about like butterflies but we are all bound to the earth."

"Guess that's as good as I can expect," Captain Reynolds nodded. "All right, go on and show 'em around while I deal with the cargo."

The girl/woman nodded and turned to regard them, "Should lay your burdens down."

He realized at the same time as the other two that she meant for them to leave their bags in the dorms, took Jack's and put it up in the dorm above the empty room he planned to take while Carolyn did the same for hers across the hall. "Seems like a small crew," He commented when he rejoined the girl in the lounge.

"Size is irrelevant," She shrugged, dark eyes on his face.

"You sure about that? Always?" Why was he half flirting/teasing this girl? Habit? That animal side wanting a reaction? Testing limits? Who knew… but this was as much part of him as shivs and blood. Part of him wondered how much she understood of what went on around her. Not to mention Carolyn was looking at him like he'd lost his mind. Not an unfamiliar look but one he hadn't seen in a while.

"Size is no indication of mass," The girl offered all of them a surprisingly sweet smile. "Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered," She looked around the lounge. "Fought your way here."

"Rick…" Carolyn's worried murmur of his name informed him that she was having concerns just like him. Would they be able to hide their identities? When this girl seemed to take in everything about them and draw disturbingly accurate conclusions.

"Yeah I know," He muttered back. This could go very bad very quickly. Everything she'd said could refer to the story they'd given the Captain. And at the same time…that itch in his brain. His instincts told him to take care with this little woman. Not quite dangerous, not to them, yet. But the girl seemed very far from safe.

The girl rolled her eyes at them and took a deep breath, grabbing onto the stair railing, gripping it as if it had become a lifeline. Something in her scent cleared and she stared at all three of them, "Truth will come to light; murder cannot be hid long; a man's son may, but in the end truth will out."

Still with prevarication… everything the girl said could be taken in two different ways (at least). Was she warning them that their secrets would be revealed or telling them they were already known? "We don't share easily with people we don't know." He told her finally.

A slightly relieved smile and the girl, River, nodded, "Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar. The friends thou hast, and their adoption tried grapple them to thy soul with hooks of steel." Hell…he thought he understood what she meant. Maybe. Apparently, Carolyn got it though.

Carolyn nodded again, "It'll take time. We trust each other, but we don't know you or your crew yet."

"This above all: to thine own self be true," The grip on the handrail loosened as if she wasn't trying so hard. "And it must follow, as the night the day. Thou canst not then be false to any man."

Even he got that one, and he could appreciate the sentiment even if he didn't care for (or recognize) the flowery language. Similar to his own creed of 'fuck 'em if they can't take a joke' and never apologizing for who (or what) he was. "So, we've seen the cargo bay, the dorms, the med bay and the lounge, what's next?" Hopefully, they could move this tour along.

She laughed, "The tiger grows impatient to be moving, even in such confined space. Perhaps due to the confined space?" A nod and she led them up the stairs, "Mid deck, water reclamation, reactor core, catwalks and shuttle airlocks." Apparently assuming none of that was of great interest until they had chores to do she kept going up the stairs bringing them into a hallway on the starboard side of the upper deck.

"Engine room," She led them back to the space, organized and fairly clean considering. "Kaylee's domain. Machines just got workings, and they talk to me." The last bit came out in the accent he recognized as the mechanic's and he half smiled. Engine rooms could be comforting. Machines didn't turn on you or screw you over for a percentage. River looked straight at him then, "She'll be glad of another who understands the workings."

Carolyn had said he had experience with engines. She could be referring to that. Hell, if River had been lurking on the mid-deck by the stairwell she might have heard every bit of the conversation. Metal walls made for interesting acoustics. She led them in the opposite direction, and they entered the galley. A fairly self-explanatory space with the mechanic working on a meal. It smelled good despite the fact that it had to be rainbow colored protein.

Through the galley and up a long hall with a slight rise to it, "Crew bunks on either side, hatches drop down." River pointed out the various bunks. One had lights and flowers around it, and the name Kaylee painted on it. The one before it was obviously used, without a name, as was the one across the hall. Metal polished to a shine by the constant grip of hands. Looked like two weren't used at all. Of the two at least one hadn't been occupied in a while, the metal dull grey with disuse.

A set of stairs right before what he assumed was the bridge, River pointed out as leading down to the armory. And then the bridge. He and Carolyn looked around, professional curiosity taking over. "It's a good setup," He commented. One chair, on the starboard side of the ship, looked much newer than the other two for some reason.

Carolyn nodded, "Got a look around an ought two once, didn't have the navigator's station or the half head off the bridge. Handy."

River smiled but it faded fast, and her eyes went dark again, "First Mate's husband," She paused, "Nobody flies like my mister." The woman's accent left her voice, sorrow filling its place. "Died on a Reaver's spear, getting the message out. Carries his child below her heart. Early days, barely a belly curve, we must take great care. All she has left of him."

Well shit.


Author's Note: So River won't be using quotes constantly, not like some of my other stories. She's only recently gotten most of her brain in order. I don't generally like the comics set after Serenity but I have plucked a few things from them purely for the sake of plot.

Chinese Translations:

hún dàn (bastard) (individual who has at least two biological fathers and one biological mother - bastard / scoundrel / bastard / hoodlum / wretch)

bǎo bèi (treasured object used for "darling," "honey," etc)

pì gu (butt)

Quote Sources:

Everything that drowns me makes me want to fly – Counting Stars – One Republic

Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered - Labyrinth

Truth will come to light; murder cannot be hid long; a man's son may, but in the end truth will out. – The Merchant of Venice – William Shakespeare

Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar. The friends thou hast, and their adoption tried grapple them to thy soul with hooks of steel. – Hamlet – William Shakespeare

This above all: to thine own self be true And it must follow, as the night the day. Thou canst not then be false to any man. – Hamlet – William Shakespeare