20) Take Another Chance, Take A Fall, Take A Shot For You

"Am I just bein' whimsical in the brain pan," Mal asked as the three of them took cover behind the mule and its trailer of crates. "Is it too much to ask that I get paid after I do a job?"

It hadn't started out bad. The cargo they'd picked up on a relay wasn't exactly high value. So not much of a magnet for thieves. Or Feds. A job or two in between pickup and the selling point and by that time no one would be looking for a few (or four) missing crates. When the crates (and the wobbly headed dolls contained therein) resurfaced it wouldn't cause much of a stir. That was the working theory anyway.

It had been going well. Nice. Quiet. One might even say smooth.

Until it wasn't.

"Nope," Rick didn't seem too bothered by the bullets flying their way. No more than River who'd popped her head up to survey the opposing side's position before taking cover again. Mal wasn't ashamed to admit it made him some nervous when River did things like that. Good to see Rick give her the same sort of 'are you chī xiàn ' look that Mal did when River pulled those sorta stunts.

"Does not understand that the greed of other's exceeds his own," River replied absently.

"It's simple," Mal paused a moment in order to fire back at the double-crossing bastards who were supposed to pay them upon delivery. "Not a complicated philosophy at all. I do a job, I get paid."

"Don't seem hard to understand to me," Rick dragged Mal down just in time as a veritable hail of bullets spat through the air towards Mal's head. "I'm got a similar philosophy myself."

"Simplicity is not the issue," River leaned out and plugged two of the enemy combatants straight through their lying throats. "His philosophy is predicated upon the supposition that others have a similar viewpoint."

Mal didn't consider himself stupid but he didn't get that one and from the look on Rick's face neither did he. And they didn't exactly have time to puzzle it out. "Say again 'Tross?"

"It doesn't work unless the other side thinks the same way," River took her vocabulary down to Captain Dummy talk with a roll of her eyes that Mal didn't have to see to know was happening.

"Uh huh," Rick had a sigh in his voice. "Mal, they're getting reinforced." Mal's newest gun hand had a tilt to his head that usually meant he was hearing something Mal couldn't. "We've got at least four horses by the sound of it."

"Well that just seems like cheating to me," The Captain frowned. "River, how many we got left?"

River shook her head and leaned out again, "Five left, plus the four on their way. Conserve ammunition."

Rick poked his head up. He'd cleverly positioned himself so he could get a good view through the seats and controls of the mule, but the other side couldn't get much of a view of him. A quick glance and his pistol barked twice in his hand, "Three left plus the four that're comin' in."

"Save your bullets as much as you can," Mal advised.

"Believe it or not, I knew what she meant when River said conserve ammunition," Rick replied without heat. "I'm not that ignorant."

"Never thought you were," Mal took a careful shot and got someone (he hoped it was that jiàn huò Patience's sister) in the shoulder.

"Used to translating the girl's vocabulary for the benefit of the previous gun hand," River explained as she took another two shots. Unfortunately, the horses riding in had a few talented shooters and a better angle and Mal's little pilot took a bullet to her shooting arm. River grimaced, "Five left total."

"He was that dumb," Rick frowned. "She needs a bandage on that."

"Later," River disagreed. "Simon called Jayne a trained ape, without the training." She had that tone in her voice. That tone that meant she was going to do something that Simon would want to kill Mal for later.

"River, whatever you're thinkin' of doin', please don't," Mal ordered.

"Don't know what he means," River denied. The jiāo dī dī little lying liar. (Which, as Jayne had been prone to saying, didn't exactly set her apart from the rest of them.) Unsettling to have Jayne be right about something but it was bound to happen sooner or later. What was the old saying? Even a broken clock was right twice a day?

"Someone wanna fill me in," Rick inquired. As the person in the middle (literally, that was where he was positioned) he seemed fairly good at deciphering cross talk but there came a point where mind reading geniuses eclipsed even the most experienced combatant.

"She gets a certain thing in her voice means she's gonna do somethin' fākuáng. And then her brother'll want to kill me because she could've gotten hurt," Mal explained.

"Not doing anything crazy," River disagreed. "Supply of ammunition, position of the enemy versus our position and logic dictate that a change of strategy is called for."

"See? That," Mal griped. "That right there. That's the attitude that says Simon's gonna take a scalpel to my skin when he finds out what she's done."

"Uh huh," Rick (bless him), came across unflappable as ever, (and if he was unflappable did that make Simon, the original worry wart, flappable?). "She also ain't exactly wrong Mal."

"I never said she was wrong," The Captain retorted. "Just that Simon'll not be pleased with me."

"Because you clearly have River under control, plus she's already hurt," The huge gun hand/pilot replied dryly. "So, what's this change of strategy? Because the reinforcements are almost there."

He must have been asking River, (good thing because Mal didn't have a gorram clue) because she had a grin in her voice. "When they dismount, we stand and begin to fire. She walks forward and takes out any who are left after our onslaught of bullets."

"I like the whole thing except for the you walking forward part," Rick argued. "You take a bullet from one of those big gauges it'll cut you in half."

"Big man is a bigger target," River retorted. "She is fast and can dodge."

"Dodge bullets," He sounded doubtful, as well he might. No one with sense (who hadn't seen River in action) would believe it possible.

"River's a unique individual," Mal offered his support (of her abilities, not the idea of her drawing fire). "Don't mean I like it 'Tross."

"They are almost here," She had that tone in her voice. Tā mā de niǎo, Simon was going to kill him. "Ten seconds, nine, eight,"

"Well, if we're gonna do it," Rick sighed, and Mal echoed him.

"Three," Mal took up her count. "Two. One."

If he hadn't been so used to River (and her dangerous genius plans) he doubted he'd have been ready to spring up and shoot. He for sure didn't expect Rick to match his (and River's) timing so perfectly. Rick's aim was nothing to sneeze at either. River hadn't taken more than two steps forward before two of the five remaining of the opposition were down. River got the last three with her usual precision. Mal might have felt left out if it weren't for the fact that he was (again) used to River's aim.

"Now," Rick sighed. "Mal what'n the hell are we going to do with four crates of wobbly headed dolls?"

"Sell 'em to someone else," He shrugged. Rick jerked his head in a nod and strode forward, holstering his gun and pulling out one of his knives. "Rick, what're you doin'?" Mal frowned, "Time to go back to the boat."

"I don't care for people shooting me in the back," Came the response. "To keep that from happening I'm making sure that they're all dead or dying."

Mal wasn't sure how he felt about that. It wasn't a good idea to show up to a meet, take the coin and the goods and leave only dead folk behind. It mightn't do his reputation any good.

River shook her head, "He to his work and we to ours." She stated enigmatically.

Well that was kinda hard to argue. Which might've been River's point.


Driving back into Serenity's hold with a trailer full of crates still and a small mule towed behind the trailer got an upward quirk of Zoë's right eyebrow. "Was under the impression that we were selling these," She commented.

"We tried," Mal shrugged. Rick and River had been very thorough in their looting. As a result, along with the coin they should have been paid for the job, they had a dozen or so guns for the armory, ammunition for said guns, any coin or valuables that were on the corpses and a couple of gun belts. Most of what River called 'accoutrement' and what other folk (including Mal) labeled accessories, were cheap fèiwù. They'd taken the best of the lot with the intention of taking it apart and making something more suited for Rick and Carolyn with the potential of using some of it for Jack eventually.

"Tried," Zoë hadn't ever been a chatterbox, but she could convey more in one word than most could with a half afternoon of talking.

"As in, they wanted the crates, but they didn't want to give us coin for 'em," Rick elaborated as he climbed off the mule. Mal frowned as the huge man wrapped his big hands around River's waist and lifted her down from the vehicle. "C'mon, let's get you to the infirmary."

Oh, shǐ niào. Not good. Mal shook his head and Zoë frowned. "No," River shook her head and squirmed in Rick's grip. Surprisingly enough she didn't manage to get away from him. (And that was a thought best examined in more detail later. When he wasn't about to have a xià huàile mind reading genius assassin.)

"No," The huge man repeated in surprise. It was an interesting look on him. Mal hadn't seen Rick taken unawares since…(a quick recall of the many interactions he'd had with the man) huh. He hadn't ever seen Rick taken by surprise.

"River don't go in the infirmary if we can help it," Zoë interceded. Probably a good thing. Rick was more…careful of Zoë than he was the rest of the crew (except for not sneaking up on Kaylee). Mal got the impression Rick hadn't been around many pregnant women.

Funny, he'd seen men handle ticking bombs with less caution than Rick dealt with Zoë. Maybe he took Simon's edict of 'no stress' more seriously than the rest of them.

"So what d'you do then," Rick hadn't let go of Mal's Little Albatross as if he thought she'd take off and ignore any medical concern. He wasn't exactly wrong about that, given River's history.

"Cap'n will stitch her up in the galley," River fixed those dark brown eyes on Mal, and he sighed. Zoë was better at stitching than he was but if River wanted him to do it, she generally had a reason.

"I'll get the supplies from the infirmary," Zoë nodded at him.

Carolyn's voice came over the comms, "Folks? Are we staying or going? Cortex says there's a massive thunderstorm due to hit in an hour or so."

Mal sighed, "It never goes smooth." He walked over to the comms giving orders along the way, "Rick, take River up to the galley. I'll be along in a half minute." Picking up the comm he clicked it on, "We're going Carolyn, set a course for Beaumonde. I'm closin' her up now."

"You got it," Carolyn's cheerful reply came back along with the sounds of switches being flicked. Mal hit the controls for the cargo bay doors and headed up to the galley. He'd deal with Simon's inevitable (hopefully not too interminable) tirade after he'd gotten River fixed up.


The tirade, when it came, got cut short by an unexpected source. Mal couldn't give Simon's rant the proper amount of attention since he was concentrating on River's pale skin and the bloody furrow carved into her upper arm. Zoë had seated herself nearby and handed him things as he needed them.

"Doc," Rick's rumbling thunderous voice interrupted the Core man. "There's an old sayin' you might've heard." He brought the tea he was making over to the table and with a glance at Inara who'd come out to lend her moral support, began to pour it out carefully. He handed the cups round with a polite little nod of his head to each of them (the gesture and handling of the tea wouldn't have looked out of place on Simon, River or Inara, so it was just odd to see it on Rick). Simon automatically bowed his head in return and River did the same. Once everyone had their tea, and Zoë milk, the huge goggle wearing fella continued, "Goes somethin' like 'cats an' women'll do as they please; men an' dogs just gotta learn to live with it'."

River actually giggled and Zoë's lips twitched. Inara chuckled, a low throaty sound that never failed to make Mal's heart skip a beat (or two), "Rick, I do believe that you've accurately summed up Simon's entire relationship with River."

"Actually, all of the men on the boat in relation to women," Zoë amended that statement.

Carolyn came down the hall from the bridge, Jack on her heels and paused in the doorway for a moment. Mal glanced up and automatically gave her one of his reassuring smiles. Carolyn still seemed a little skittish around all of the crew. From what she'd let drop and the way she acted, Mal guessed she was still wrestling with her conscience some about something she'd done or had been about to do and until she figured that out, she wouldn't really be easy with anyone besides Rick and Jack. For certain he knew she had nightmares as he'd seen the haunted look on her face mirrored on his own a few too many times.

"I take it there was a little snag," Jack asked in that sardonic manner she either had naturally or she'd picked up from Rick. Mal personally was willing to bet on Rick being the source. The intonation was uncannily similar.

"Disagreement in fundamental philosophy of transactions and capitalism," River replied absently. She had to be using her 'distancing' techniques to deal with the discomfort, otherwise she'd have provided a simpler (and more easily understood) answer.

Carolyn got what River was saying because she chuckled and began to gather up the soiled gauze and cleanser-soaked cotton balls. "So, they didn't want to pay."

"Nope," Rick shook his head. "Annoyingly enough they decided to reinforce that decision with bullets."

"We took exception," River added as Mal tied off his last stitch. "Chéngméng guān zhào," She pressed a kiss to Mal's whiskered cheek. "Needs a shave."

"Bùyòngkè qi." He smiled. "I figured I'd get to shaving before I went on the bridge," He added his agreement. No point in arguing when she was right.

"Looks like a roguish brigand," River teased. "Customers might have thought they were to be robbed of their coin."

"He don't look that bad," Jack's tone, surly and defensive, came as a bit of a surprise. Mal glanced at the younger girl and then at Rick and Carolyn.

"'Tross likes to tease an old man," He said finally.

Carolyn gave Jack a look, but it was Rick's frown at her that Jack seemed to take to heart, subsiding to drink her tea almost sullenly.

Kaylee hurried into the room and shook her head with a sigh as she took in Simon's silent irritation, the bandages Carolyn was cleaning up and River's examination of her bulled ripped sleeve. "So, I guess we'll be turning that into a short sleeve shirt?"

"Cannot be mended?" River looked at her hopefully and Kaylee smiled.

"We'll get it washed and see how it holds up. Maybe a cute patch?" She looked around the room, "Did we at least get paid?"

"We did," Mal assured her, standing up. He decided that discretion was the better part of valor and a strategic retreat to the bridge was in order. "Caro, let's check your course. Rick, thanks for the tea."

"Anytime," Rick waved off the thanks


Author's Note: So obviously Carolyn's getting a bit more practice with take offs while Riddick is playing gunhand. And as we can see, Mal's luck hasn't improved. I don't think anyone will be surprised by that.

Chinese Translations:

chī xiàn (crazy / insane)

jiàn huò (bitch / slut)

jiāo dī dī (sweet / cute / delicately pretty)

fākuáng (crazy)

Tā mā de niǎo, (goddamn it /lit. 'His mother's dick')

fèiwù (rubbish / waste material / useless person)

shǐ niào (Shit and piss)

xià huàile (terrified)

Chéngméng guān zhào (to be indebted to somebody for care / thank you for looking after me)

Bùyòngkè qi (you're welcome / don't mention it / no need to stand on ceremony)