25) There's A Ghost In My Lungs And It Sighs In My Sleep
He wasn't sure what it was that woke him up. Maybe nothing. Literally. Sometimes if the ship got too quiet it would wake him. Silence could be eerie in a way unlike any foreboding sound. It never felt like he could trust a profound silence. Too much like the calm before a storm. Or the way street kids held their breath when the local gangster went by. No sound, nothing to draw attention… No. He did not care for silences like the one he was hearing now.
Listening for the heartbeats nearby, two, in steady rhythm. One above, one across the hall, Carolyn and Jack were both asleep. Simon and River weren't. They weren't even in their bunks.
At two in the morning ship time that was not normal. Not one little bit. Mal was either on the bridge or in the galley. Kaylee might be in her bunk or with Simon in the engine room. Not his choice for a tryst but Kaylee liked engines sooo… Yeah he'd heard enough about engines and Simon to know that engines did just as much for Kaylee as her boyfriend. (Actually he'd heard more than enough but Kaylee chattered when she worked. Which meant Riddick was a captive audience whenever he was helping out in the engine room.) Though apparently Simon was talented enough that he actually could compete. Considering Kaylee and her…appetites, Riddick figured Simon was a regular stevedore in the sheets. When he considered the situation at all. And he tried not to. (really, Really, REALLY, tried not to. At all.)
A quiet walk up the aft stairs, listening for the telltale sounds of Kaylee's moans in the engine room. Nothing. Voices though, Kaylee's, Simon's, Mal's and Zoë's. The entire original crew was in the galley, having a meeting it seemed. Well that never boded well in his experience.
Settle in on the steps, no need to go any farther, not with his hearing. Tilt his head back and listen.
Simon's voice, worried, tense, "River, what is it? What's wrong?"
"You ain't ever had trouble like this…not even when you was…" Kaylee's voice trailed off delicately.
"Little one, even when you were crazy, you didn't forget things," Zoë's gentle voice.
"If you're having trouble we can work on it, maybe try a new medication? Or more of a routine," Simon continued.
So, River was the problem, or most of the crew thought she was, River and Mal were the only ones not talking.
Inara's cool voice, "Perhaps too much change in too short a time? Stress? We have three people new to all of us on the boat. Good people, we think but they are a change for everyone."
The Captain spoke finally, over Kaylee and Simon's murmurs, "River. Be interested in what you have to say Little Albatross. Seems as if none of this began until the last month or so."
"You've just gotten back to normal," Simon sounded like he was working himself up on the heels of Mal's observation.
"No." River. Cool. Crisp. Just a statement and everything stopped for a moment. Faintly Riddick heard a thunk, a metallic quiver and knew exactly what made that sound. Years of experience gave the noise an unmistakable familiarity. A knife, flung with enough force that it embedded itself in the wall or cabinet or whatever she'd thrown it at. With every little thing he learned about her River Tam just got sexier. "I'm not normal. I'm never going to be normal. I never was. But with what they did… I can't ever be."
"Mèi mei…" If a voice could hold the sound of a breaking heart, Simon's did. "Don't say that."
"Simon," She sighed. "Simon, I love you. You gave up everything for me. You came and found me, and you found me broken. Without you, without Serenity, I'd still be broken. I'm not, not anymore. You did that for me, and I will never stop being grateful. But I'm not normal either." Her voice…pleading, as if her brother could break her even worse if he didn't understand, "If I could… Simon if I could be normal for you. I'd do it. I'd do everything I could. But I can't. I'm sorry."
"Oh, no, no River…" His voice was muffled but Riddick could smell the salt water and guessed that one or both of the siblings were in tears.
"Seems to me, that after what you've been through, none of us got any right to expect any more of you than you can give," Mal said quietly. "But you need to know River, your place here it don't depend on you doin' things perfectly or even close. Ain't none of us perfect."
"If you need time off, need breaks every couple days instead of every seven, just need to say so," Zoë continued.
"If you'd like my help, guided meditation or just to rearrange your room so it's more soothing…" Inara offered. He liked that about her, it was easy to see she cared about everyone on this ship, she wasn't here solely because of her attraction to Mal.
"Routine is fine, days of rest are well timed," River sounded half annoyed and half affectionate. "Difficulties will resolve themselves. Nothing is overwhelming."
"All right," Mal seemed tired and Riddick judged it a good time to continue up the stairs. He was maybe a little less than hour early for his shift on the bridge, but it wasn't unheard of for him to have some tea and wake up a bit before he went to work.
A few more stairs and he was in the hallway, his step as silent as always. When he got to the galley door, River was already looking in his direction. The rest of the crew, except for Zoë and her poker face, looked worried. And River was the only one whose scent didn't boil off them with anxiety.
River simply smiled and rose from the table, "Early for his shift. Would like tea as a stimulant?"
"If that means something to wake me up, then yeah, I'd appreciate it," He moved over to lean against the counter beside her and watched her, all elegant grace and economy of movement. Weren't many people who could make practicality look effortless, but she managed it. Damned interesting woman. He tore his eyes off of her and glanced over at the rest of the crew. "Problem?"
"A family matter," Simon shook his head.
"Nothin' to worry about as it happens," Mal's easy smile didn't match his scent or the concern in his eyes as he watched River moving around the kitchen.
"Should think about new ident cards," River glanced at him as she boiled water. "The new name has not been worn in sufficiently."
"Carolyn's seems to be serving her pretty well," He admitted. "But mine's a problem I think."
"Another name common to Deadwood maybe," Zoë offered in her quiet even way.
"Bullock's another town based around a mine, Lakota and Dakota are others," Kaylee suggested.
"Bullock's closest to how my old name sounds," He should have just gone with it in the first place. Anyone looking for him likely wouldn't think to find him under the name of a legendary Earth That Was lawman.
"Awake anyway," River smiled. "Will start work on new ident cards."
Simon nodded, "If you'll get him set up, I'll fill everything in."
Riddick looked at the doctor curiously and Mal chuckled while Kaylee nudged her boyfriend with a proud smile. "'Tween Simon an' River they'll make cards good 'nough to fool a lawman an' then some," The mechanic bragged.
Simon kissed her cheek, "Well if we're going to work on ident cards I'd better get some sleep."
"My bunk tonight," Kaylee said firmly and took his hand, pulling her entirely willing boyfriend down the hall towards her room.
Riddick sighed, "Least they won't wake up Jack or Carolyn." That got another chuckle from the Captain and a knowing smile from Inara.
He could hear Zoë and Mal talking as he took his mug of tea to the bridge. River had promised to gather her equipment and join him there in a few minutes, "Do you think he heard?" Zoë asked quietly.
"Hard to tell with Rick," Mal had a frown in his voice. "He's got a habit of walkin' soft an' it ain't easy to tell how long he's been standin' quiet, waitin' on someone to notice he's around."
"If he did hear," The First Mate began.
"All he'd have heard was us bein' concerned about our youngest crewmember 'sides Jack," Mal said firmly. "If he was a danger to her or us, River'd have said somethin'."
How in the hell River would know he was dangerous or not, any more than the rest of them? The woman was smart but objectively speaking, apart from his size, Jack or Carolyn could be just as much of a threat. More so in his experience, since rarely was treachery expected from women (except by other women interestingly enough). And a helluva lot of folks equated big with dumb. He'd used that assumption against people more than once. Even being able to pilot a ship didn't equate true intelligence or menace. There were a lot of pilots out there who were geniuses at flying and that was it. They needed someone else to chart the course, probably why the Firefly Ought-three had added a navigator's station.
He sat and considered that while he waited for the woman in question to come to the bridge. Whatever it was they were hiding, they were damn serious about it, and it was for River's sake. He'd figure it out eventually. He'd never met a secret he couldn't figure out given time, concentration and an observant nature. He guessed that while he and his ladies were liked well enough, they weren't trusted completely yet.
Fair enough. The three of them still had secrets of their own.
He looked up as River entered the bridge. She was as good as him for making no sound when she walked, and she'd popped up on him without warning more than once. He prided himself that he didn't startle when she did it and it'd ceased to be annoying. Now he considered it more of a challenge, keeping his senses sharp.
"We will begin with his name, Richard, middle initial…E. Sounds well with Richard and Bullock. Richard E Bullock," She tilted her head and he nodded.
"Yeah, think that'll work well enough," He nodded his agreement. She and Simon had gotten him damn curious about how they worked fake idents. Should be interesting.
Author's Note: So Riddick suspects there's something going on but he can't nail down exactly what.
Chinese Translations:
Mèi mei (little sister)
