26) Stars Hide Your Fires
Carolyn paused in the doorway of Riddick's room and watched him for a moment. It hadn't stopped being strange to her that such a huge man could be so quick or graceful. The man moved like… well like a predator. And that was an extremely accurate comparison.
A shiver trickled down her spine like a drizzle of rain down her collar. They'd been cautious friends, more than acquaintances but still less than completely trusting of each other. They were getting better…and that was worth working for, she could take pride in the fact that she and Riddick had built a level of trust between them. They had been fuck buddies now and then…no emotion there except smallish affection but that had changed, grown. Allies and companions, trying to take care of the teenage girl who was their third. He could still be such a gǒu niáng yǎng de sometimes. He learned at a rate that would frighten normal people. And she was one of the normal everyday people; she couldn't escape the fact that Riddick was not (would never be, could never be, likely didn't even want to be) normal.
And that… she'd been attracted and afraid both on that rock. More attracted than afraid when they'd left, once she'd woken up. But some part of her was still afraid. She doubted he'd hurt her deliberately. Unless she betrayed his trust, he had no reason to even think about it. But in the back of her mind, the certainty crouched like a grimalkin, that Riddick would never stop being dangerous.
She wondered sometimes if that unspoken, barely acknowledged, fear fed the attraction. Like a moth coming too close to a hot bulb. Drawn to this man who could snap her neck with a flex of his huge hands. That fear…scrabbling like a boxed-up imp in the back of her mind…that kept them from becoming more than friends. Kept her from opening up to him too quickly, too much, and trusting too deeply. Fear…and the knowledge that no matter how far she'd come, she was in no way Riddick's equal. Not the way she needed.
Maybe it was that, more than the animal hind brain fear that gibbered quietly in her skull about everything Riddick was capable of. She couldn't keep up with Riddick. No one could. Riddick was just so far beyond her she felt…eclipsed with no hope of ever matching him. And she needed to be equal to someone, in most things at least. Needed to know that her weaknesses wouldn't be scoffed at or derided. (Although Riddick hadn't ever really mocked her, teased yes, but derisive…no, he was decent that way.) She'd collected enough regrets to know that giving her heart to someone without that kind of trust wouldn't end well.
She could trust Riddick implicitly about certain things. He was firm and loyal in his friendships, and she truly thought they were becoming friends more and more. Even if there was some caution involved, maybe they both needed that to be comfortable. He trusted her to tell him when he'd missed something, a social nuance, or hidden meaning. Translating he called it. And she could always trust him to say what he meant. The man just didn't lie. And she took comfort in that, knowing that he wouldn't let her stumble around blind. They'd get there, she felt pretty sure of it. She had a good feeling about it even with that gremlin in the back of her mind.
For a man with little to no social graces he was extremely considerate of her and her needs. He could be terrifyingly gentle with her, as if completely aware of his own strength and how easily she could be hurt if he was accidentally too rough. She could tell that hurting a woman in bed wasn't something that got him going. The slightest flinch and his touch softened to feather light.
"Caro," His low rich voice murmured the name with a nimbus of amusement riding its edges. He still used that shortened version of her name now and then, despite it being all but unnecessary. Confusion to the enemy he'd said once with a wickedly mischievous smile, and she guessed that nickname was part of it. "You planning on coming in, or saying anything, or you just wanna stare some more?"
"Hey, I can enjoy the view," She offered him a quick smile. "I don't have to be here for sex to appreciate your body Rick." That was the unbridled truth. He was a truly gorgeous man.
His flash of a grin and he gestured towards the neatly made bunk before continuing to shave, "Look all you want then."
"I'm not the only one looking," She broached the subject that had brought her here. "And I've seen you looking back at her." He had been looking, flirting, and getting worked up, then coming to her for sex to relieve the itch. Not that she minded. It could be a lot of fun. And when she hadn't been in the mood, he'd taken the no with good grace. Not even a flash of irritation.
"You mean River," Riddick clarified. When she nodded, he shrugged, "No harm in looking right?"
"No," Carolyn thought back to her conversation with the Captain. "No harm at all." She tilted her head, "Planning on doing more than looking? You've been flirting with her some too." No harm in reminding him she was well aware of his attraction to the slender pilot. And also that she didn't mind it one bit.
"Mildly," He admitted and shrugged. "Maybe more than mildly. Why?"
She knew him well enough by now to know he meant several things by the question. Why was she interested? Why was she bothering to ask? Why had the topic even been brought up? None of the answers would encompass the issue though. "It occurred to me, that with your history," A slight allusion to his time in prisons and the brief mention she'd heard him make referencing the foster system. "That you might not have been in this situation before."
"Situation."
The man could convey more with one repeated word than some people could with a dictionary full of them. "The situation of being semi-involved, if only casually, with one woman, and being interested in another."
"Yeah…" His shoulders had tightened, and Carolyn gave herself two to one odds that he expected an ultimatum of some kind. "Yeah, that's new."
"So, I figured I'd pass on some knowledge… rather than you learn the hard way," She shrugged.
"Knowledge," He finished shaving, wiped any excess water and soap off his face and turned to look at her, arms folded, shiv still in one hand. "Like?"
He was doling out his words like they were platinum and he only had so many to spend. Never a great sign. If Riddick had one tell, that was it. Carolyn sighed, "Like if you're fucking me, even now and then, and you're trying to start something up with someone else, you're walking a very narrow line. It can turn into a real mess, two women and one man. And we're already on pretty thin ice, being relatively new to the ship."
"Uh huh," Riddick still had that guarded tone and posture.
"Hey, I'm not mad or hurt or anything. You know I don't mind when you come to me after flirting with her, we've talked about that," Carolyn offered that assurance in the hope that he'd relax a bit. His careful nod didn't do much to reassure her, but she continued, "And I have no doubt she knows that we're casually involved. So, it's not a surprise or anything."
"What're you trying to say Caro? Would you just spit it out? You already know that I hate feeling like I need an interpreter talking to people half the time," He was started to get irritated. Unsure ground beneath his feet and backed into a corner. He'd mentioned once, in passing, that polite (and sometimes even impolite) society was a mystery of rules and codes he rarely understood. She guessed that was part of why he spent time with Inara. Buddha knew he spent meals observing the crew as much as he did eating or talking with them.
"I'm saying, that if you want to be involved with her, want to go to bed with her, develop something more than the friends with benefits thing you've got going with me, I'm fine with it," She kept her voice even and relaxed. "What I won't be fine with, and neither will she, is you having sex with both of us."
"Believe it or not, I kinda figured that much," Riddick's dry as sand tone. He'd eased enough to be sarcastic. That was something. Riddick without that sardonic humor was a dangerously on edge Riddick.
"If she asks you, tell the truth, and tell her that so long as you're with her, you won't be with me," Carolyn told him. "If you want to avoid any complications that'll ride the Captain's nerves, you'll end that part of our relationship before you even kiss her."
"Seems like women call all the shots with this stuff," He observed. Hard to tell what he was thinking now. Did he think it was some sort of female power play? She couldn't blame him. She had no idea of his past experiences with women, relationships or anything really, and a lot of women could and did use sex as a way of manipulating men. Or women. The general impression she'd gotten was that Riddick wasn't used to affection going along with sex. But he seemed plenty familiar with the idea of sex as a power play.
"If you like her, you don't want to upset her, do you?" That still sounded manipulative. Carolyn took another tack, "If she was seeing someone, casually like you and I, like say…Mal… would you be all right with her fucking him and then fucking you? Or kissing you and then going off to fuck him?"
His face shifted from slightly guarded and amused to dark as a starless night for a moment and he sighed, "Got it."
"Hey, if it doesn't work out, and I don't end up involved with anyone, we can still screw around now and then," She gave him a smile. "Just don't want you to end up in a mess because you don't know this stuff." She didn't. This was the one thing she was certain she knew more about than he did. He'd done his best for her, still was, teaching her a bit about guns (more patiently than she'd thought actually, taking into consideration that she really didn't like them) and she wanted to do her best for him. Maybe they'd get past the cautious portion of their friendship sooner rather than later. She found herself wanting that more and more and it felt like they were getting there.
"Yeah…" He nodded and she got up to leave. "Caro," His voice stopped her at the door, and she turned to look at him. "Thanks."
"Anytime," She gave him a half grin. "You know I'm always glad to…interpret for you if you need it."
Author's Note: So Carolyn doing a little mental recap and gearing herself up to talk with Riddick. It's not always easy to be the 'normal' person around someone who's really brilliant at something. And Riddick can be intimidating even if he likes someone.
Chinese Translations:
gǒu niáng yǎng de (son of a bitch (lit. "raised by a dog mother"))
