Note - Slight out of character here, mostly Lily. And this is at around when Harry was born, just before they had to go into hiding
The sky outside was overcast, the heavy clouds casting shadows across the otherwise vibrant grounds of Hogwarts. Severus Snape stood by the window of his office in the dungeons, staring out at the distant Forbidden Forest. His mind, however, was miles away.
There was an aching heaviness in his chest, an incessant throb that refused to fade. It wasn't the bitter taste of regret, nor the crushing weight of his choices. It was her.
Lily.
She was always there, always haunting him. He couldn't shake her from his thoughts, no matter how hard he tried, no matter how far he buried himself in darkness. He had a million reasons to hate himself, to give up, to drown in the regret that came with every passing day. But then there was her, his single reason to keep going. His only reason.
The door creaked open, the sound of soft footsteps on the stone floor pulling him from his thoughts. He didn't turn around.
"Severus?" Her voice was soft, tentative. He knew that voice better than anything—sweet, gentle, like a balm to the wounds he'd never been able to heal.
His heart clenched. She shouldn't be here. She wasn't supposed to be here. And yet, she was.
"Lily..." His voice was strained, a whisper of pain and longing.
She walked further into the room, close enough that he could feel her presence behind him. Still, he didn't turn. He didn't think he could bear to look at her, not when he was so broken, so lost in the ruins of what could have been.
"I... I don't know why I came," she said, her voice trembling. "I shouldn't have. I know I shouldn't have. But..."
Her words trailed off, and Severus could hear the uncertainty, the conflict in her tone. He shut his eyes tight, trying to block out the sound of her voice, the feelings it stirred in him. But he couldn't.
"Lily," he repeated, harsher this time, forcing himself to sound cold, distant. "You should go."
She flinched at the sharpness of his tone, and he cursed himself for it. But it was better this way. He had to push her away. For her sake. For his own sanity.
"I've tried to stay away," she continued, ignoring the ice in his voice. "Merlin knows, I've tried. But... there's something in me that keeps pulling me back to you. No matter how much I tell myself it's over, that it's too late, I can't seem to let go."
Severus let out a bitter laugh, his chest tightening painfully. "Then you're a fool, Lily," he spat, his words laced with venom. "You have a million reasons to stay away from me. A million reasons to forget I ever existed."
"And yet, here I am," she whispered, her voice breaking. "Because there's one reason that outweighs them all."
Her words hit him like a physical blow. He finally turned, his dark eyes locking onto hers. Her green eyes were filled with tears, shimmering like the brightest stars in the darkest of nights.
"Lily," he began, his voice shaking despite his best efforts, "I'm not... I'm not who you think I am. I'm not the boy you once knew."
"I know that," she said, taking a step closer to him. "I know you're not the same. But I'm not the same either, Severus. We've both changed. But that doesn't mean—"
"It does!" he interrupted, his voice rising. "It does mean something, Lily! It means everything! You've moved on. You have a life now—James, Harry—"
"Don't you think I know that?" she snapped, her eyes flashing with frustration and hurt. "Don't you think I've told myself a thousand times that I shouldn't be here? That I shouldn't be feeling this? But it doesn't change anything, Severus!"
He shook his head, his chest heaving with the effort of keeping his emotions in check. "You have a family, Lily. You have a future. Don't let... don't let me ruin that."
"You're not ruining anything," she whispered, stepping even closer, until she was just inches away from him. "You're part of me, Severus. You always have been."
Severus clenched his fists at his sides, fighting the urge to reach out and pull her into his arms, to hold her and never let go. But he couldn't. He wouldn't allow himself that selfishness.
"You don't understand," he said, his voice low and strained. "I'm... I'm the reason you're in danger, Lily. The things I've done... I've put you and your family at risk. I can't... I can't undo it."
"I don't care," she whispered, her voice trembling with emotion. "I don't care about the danger, Severus. I care about you."
The words broke him. He couldn't hold it back any longer. The walls he'd built around himself, the cold indifference he'd forced himself to feel—it all came crashing down. His hands shook as he reached out, grasping her shoulders, pulling her close.
"Lily," he choked out, his voice breaking. "I... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for everything. For everything I did to you, to us. I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to lose you."
She wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. "I know," she whispered, her tears soaking through his robes. "I know, Severus."
For a long moment, they stood there, wrapped in each other's arms, the weight of years of regret and pain hanging heavy in the air between them. Severus clung to her as if she were his lifeline, the one thing that kept him from drowning in the darkness.
But he knew, deep down, that this moment couldn't last. They were too far gone, too many things standing between them. James. Harry. The war. The choices he'd made, the path he'd chosen.
Eventually, Lily pulled away, her eyes red and swollen from crying. She reached up, gently brushing a strand of his hair away from his face.
"I should go," she whispered, her voice filled with regret.
Severus nodded, unable to speak past the lump in his throat.
"I'm sorry," she said again, her voice soft and broken. "I'm sorry it has to be this way."
He nodded again, his chest tightening painfully as she turned to leave.
"Lily," he called out, just as she reached the door.
She stopped, turning to look at him one last time.
"I..." He swallowed hard, the words catching in his throat. "I'll always love you."
A sad smile tugged at her lips, tears spilling from her eyes once more. "I know," she whispered. "I'll always love you too, Severus."
And then, she was gone. The door clicked shut behind her, leaving Severus standing alone in the silence of his empty office.
He sank to his knees, his head falling into his hands as the tears he'd held back for so long finally broke free.
Lily was gone. And yet, she was everywhere. She was in his thoughts, in his dreams, in the very air he breathed. He had a million reasons to let go, to forget her, to move on.
But he couldn't.
Because no matter how many reasons he had to hate himself, no matter how many reasons he had to give up, there would always be one reason he couldn't.
Her.
And that reason, that love, was the one thing that would keep him fighting, even when all hope seemed lost.
