Shaun Murphy sat at the cafeteria table, absently stirring his cup of coffee. His eyes were focused, but his mind seemed far away from the busy environment of San Jose St. Bonaventure Hospital. The sound of trays clattering, doctors talking, and the distant beeping of machines blurred into the background as he thought about something—or rather, someone—he hadn't allowed himself to think about for a long time.
The lyrics from Taylor Swift's "the 1" echoed in his mind: "In my defense, I have none, for never leaving well enough alone..." He had always been someone who focused on moving forward, on progress. But today, for some reason, he couldn't help but think about Lea, the woman who had once been a big part of his life—both as a friend and something more. The thought of what could've been lingered with him, no matter how hard he tried to push it away.
"Shaun?" A voice interrupted his thoughts, and he blinked, realizing Dr. Aaron Glassman had been standing in front of him for a few seconds now.
"Dr. Glassman," Shaun said, his tone distracted as he looked up.
Glassman frowned, pulling up a chair and sitting down across from him. "You've been staring at your coffee for the last five minutes. What's going on?"
Shaun straightened in his seat, folding his hands together in the precise way he always did when preparing to explain something. "I've been thinking about Lea," he said plainly, his voice void of emotion but his words heavy with meaning.
Glassman raised an eyebrow, leaning back in his chair. "Lea, huh? What brought that on?"
Shaun furrowed his brow. "I don't know. It's been a long time since we… were more than friends. I thought I'd moved on. I think I have. But today, I keep thinking about what would've happened if things had been different."
Glassman let out a small sigh, nodding slowly. "It's natural to think about those things from time to time, Shaun. But you've got a great life now, right? You and Lea are still friends, and you've got Carly—"
"Yes, I know," Shaun interrupted, his tone serious. "But what if I made the wrong decision? What if Lea was… the one?"
Glassman gave him a thoughtful look before speaking. "Look, Shaun, life's full of 'what ifs.' That's part of being human. We all wonder about the choices we didn't make, the paths we didn't take. But you made the best decision you could with the information you had at the time."
Shaun considered that for a moment, nodding slightly. "But do you ever wonder if some people are meant to be more than just a possibility? Maybe… maybe I shouldn't have let her go."
Glassman smiled softly, a knowing expression on his face. "Well, Shaun, if you didn't wonder that, you wouldn't be human."
Later that day, Shaun found himself in the break room, organizing the medical equipment as meticulously as ever. His thoughts kept drifting back to the conversation with Glassman, though. His phone buzzed, pulling him out of his reverie, and he glanced at the screen. It was a message from Lea.
Lea: Hey! What are you up to?
Shaun hesitated for a moment, his thumb hovering over the keyboard. He hadn't talked to Lea about his feelings in a long time, and bringing it up now felt… unnecessary. But there was something about the way she could always make him feel grounded, even when his thoughts were spiraling.
He typed back:
Shaun: Organizing the break room. I've been thinking about things today.
Within moments, Lea's response popped up.
Lea: Thinking about what? Is this a deep Shaun thought or a "do I need to come over and distract you" kind of thought?
Shaun smiled slightly. Lea always had a way of cutting through his seriousness with humor. He decided to be honest.
Shaun: I've been thinking about us. What we used to be. Do you ever wonder if things could have been different?
The typing bubble appeared on his screen, then stopped, then appeared again. Shaun felt a familiar knot of anxiety tighten in his stomach as he waited for her response.
Lea: Wow. Didn't expect to be hit with the feels today. But yeah… sometimes I think about it. I think about how close we were. But we both made the choices we thought were right, right?
Shaun stared at the message for a long moment before responding.
Shaun: Yes. I think we did. But sometimes, I wonder if maybe we made a mistake. I'm not sure anymore.
There was a pause before Lea replied.
Lea: You're happy with Carly, right?
Shaun thought about Carly. She was kind, intelligent, and patient with him. She made him feel safe in a way he hadn't expected from anyone. But the truth was, things hadn't been easy lately. He didn't know if it was because of his lingering thoughts about Lea or if it was something deeper, but the spark between him and Carly seemed to be fading.
Shaun: Yes. But it's complicated.
Lea didn't reply for a while, and Shaun wondered if maybe he had said too much. He had always struggled with understanding the limits of how much to share, when to hold back.
Finally, Lea's message came through.
Lea: We had something special, Shaun. But things change. People change. You've grown so much, and I've grown too. What we had was important, but it doesn't mean we can't have something amazing with other people now. You're my best friend, and I wouldn't change that for the world.
Shaun felt a strange mix of emotions—relief, sadness, gratitude. Lea had always known how to make things clearer for him, even when he couldn't find the words himself. He was grateful for her, and maybe that's where his feelings about their past needed to stay.
Shaun: You're right. Thank you, Lea.
Lea: Always here for you, Murphy.
That evening, Shaun sat in his apartment, scrolling through old photos of his time with Lea and their friends. There were so many moments, so many shared memories that made him smile. And as he scrolled, he realized something—those moments were special because they were a part of his journey, not the end of it.
He thought about Carly, about how patient she had been with him, and how much he valued her. Maybe things had felt complicated lately, but that didn't mean they couldn't figure it out. He didn't want to live in the past, constantly wondering about what could've been with Lea.
The lyrics of "the 1" drifted through his mind once again: "If one thing had been different, would everything be different today?" It was a question he might never fully answer, but that was okay. Life was full of possibilities, and Shaun was learning to live with that uncertainty.
He grabbed his phone and sent a message to Carly.
Shaun: Can we talk tonight? I've been thinking about us.
It was time to focus on the present, on the relationships that were still growing, and not on the ones that had already passed. And maybe, just maybe, Shaun was finally ready to let go of the "what ifs" and embrace the here and now.
