With the wain's departure that morning. Another matter of business began to unfold inside the Quinn house. Gerry's look of utter bewilderment never got old to Joe McCool. From the more than usual whitened skin tone, mixed with the usual look of abject fear and apprehension. Joe knew Gerry was hooked, not matter how much he protested. Yet, the McCool Patriarch still enjoyed seeing his son in law wriggle like a worm on a hook. No sooner had Mary gone upstairs to get herself ready for her shift at Woolworths; Jim and Joe had begun to lay out their 'full proof' plan.

The article in the Derry Journal had carried the news that there was a substantial reduction in the supply of Cod fish due to shipment delays across the border. And for a town like Derry, more so any other town in Northern Ireland that prided themselves on the ancient tradition of Friday night chippy. This spelt doom for certain. Mary was already contemplating the consequences of such an event. Meanwhile, Anna strolled into the living room and turned on the TV. Awaiting her mammy to come downstairs to take her to Playschool; the youngest Quinn found what she was looking for; switching on Children's BBC, she smiled as Teletubbies had started. Taking a seat on the sofa. Anna drifted off into a daydream of green hills and tubby custard with Coco Pops taking a seat next to her.

"I dunno what they talking about…. I think Granda gon start shouting at Daddy again. This house is crazy." She told Coco Pops, stroking his head. Anna then smiled as the Telletubbies appeared on the TV. Back in the kitchen, Sarah lit up a cigarette as she listened to the unfolding conversation.

"You're not being serious, are ya, Joe?" Gerry asked with a panicked tone as he stood by the kitchen top.

Joe walked round the table and methodically approached Gerry. "… I'm deadly serious, boy." He answered.

"What's the matter? Too complicated for ya, Simple Simon?" Declan joked. Making Joe chuckle.

"Aye, Gerry. It's just a wee bit of fishing." Jim said.

"But it's not a wee bit of fishing, is it Jim? It's the wee fact that you wanna go fishing to feed the entire town of Derry that I'm finding hard to grasp!" Gerry exclaimed. "Have ye any idea how long it might take just to nab one fish? Fishing requires time….. patience."

"I have an abundance of patience, putting up with you for nearly 20 years is proof of that!" Joe shot.

"All the same….." Gerry shot Joe an annoyed look before continuing. "…. It's going to take a very long time to acquire the amount of fish to feed one town." Gerry argued.

"Catch yourself on, Ya great southern shite dose! We can easily do it, that why we need YOUR van!" Declan barked.

"Aye, clean yer ears out, Gerry. Daddy has a plan; all you need to do is stick to it. And it's a very sound plan, if dare say so." Sarah remarked.

"Gerry, it's very simple…. A friend of mine told me about this Cod stream, which happens to branch off the Foyle near the Roe Estuary Nature Reserve, the Cod fish are practically jumping out of the water all year round…. It's just a matter of whipping the net in and whipping them back out." Jim explained.

"Aye! There's so many of them, no one will even notice they're gone." Joe came in. "We catch the fishys, bring them back to Derry and it's a simple case of supply and demand. We sell them on to Finnolla, who then sells them on to all the other chippy's, they keep their livelihoods going, and we make ourselves a nice wee profit."

Gerry's eyes flickered as he processed the information. "So…. What you're saying is we actually have permission to fish from this stream, do we now?" He asked.

"Aye….. we will do. We get down to the reserve and we give the gamekeeper £50." Jim answered.

Gerry began to soften at the idea. "£50? Well, I guess that seems reasonable considering….. so, when we get down there, the gamekeeper fella gives us a fishing permit right?" He asked.

"No, he shows us the hole in the fence." Declan answered.

Gerry chuckled at first, then his shot wide open. "Sweet loving Jesus! Ya mean we're STEALING FISH?!" He cried.

"Keep ya voice down. Ya great Eejit!" Jim waved his arms up and down, hoping Mary didn't hear Gerry.

Gerry shot shocked eyes at the trio. "You're honestly gonna go all that way to steal fish?!" Gerry kept his voice low for some unknown reason.

"Ach, wise up, Gerry. It's not stealing." Sarah spoke up. "The correct term is poaching." She corrected him nonchalantly.

"Oh really? Well, I'm glad you clarified that, Sarah! I'd hate to use the wrong terminology if we got caught!" Gerry exclaimed.

"Well, glad I was able to help yer, Gerry." Sarah smiled.

"What is your bother, ya great prick!?" Jim asked.

"…. Aren't any of ya the slightest bit concerned? I mean, forgive me if I'm wrong here, but isn't stealing and poaching the exact same FECKING thing?! How are we supposed to go to church and face everyone? What would they say if they knew what yous were planning?!" Gerry shouted; his face contorted hysterically.

"Hehehe…. Daddy looks like Erin." Anna laughed, while Coco Pops barked.

"I reckon they'd be thanking us if they knew the lengths we were going to so they can have their fish on a Friday night!" Joe proclaimed.

"Oh aye, Joe! I just hear the Priest saying that now! In-between damning us all to Hell, he's gonna say a wee thanks for making sure he had his Friday night fish!" Gerry said mockingly.

"Aye. well, it's settled then. Let's get in Gerry's van and get a move on." Jim got up to leave.

"Oi! We are not using MY van for steeea….. aye hello love!" Gerry shifted as he saw Mary walk back into the kitchen.

"What are you all shouting for?" Mary asked, who was now ready to go to work.

"Ach….. uh, nothing, Mary. Gerry's just gonna give us all a lift on his way to work." Declan said.

"Aye. We'll see yer later." Joe hurried out the front door, followed by Jim. "Have a good shift." He called, slamming the door. Mary stood dumbfounded in the hallway, she was then joined by Anna and Coco Pops.

"Daddy's going fishing. Mammy." She said.

"Ach, don't be silly, Anna, love. Come now, get ya wellies on." Mary said. Shooting a curious look.

Sister Michael shot her own curious look at Mrs Sadhbh while she explained what had gone on in her English class in vivid detail. The girls didn't see how she reacted; they could only imagine as they listened from outside the office. Erin and Clare both heaved with anxiety, petrified at the prospect of their mams being pulled into the same narrative that the teacher was undoubtedly spinning. In the eyes of Mrs Sadhbh, Erin was already guilty. Michelle scowled while Orla and James also sported anxious looks.

"How can she be doing this? Sure, shouldn't we be in there to give our side of the story, Clare?" Erin asked.

"We? What's with the 'We' stuff, Erin? You're the one who kept the fecking card! Why didn't ya just get rid of it?!" Clare panicked.

"I was gonna get rid of it…. After English." Erin admitted.

"Ohhh… Well, that worked out grand, didn't it, Erin? There you are walking around with something that could only be likened to the sequel to Marquis De Sade in your textbook, and of all people to find it, it's Mrs Sadhbh!" Clare shrieked.

"Read that a few times, did ya Clare?" Michelle smirked.

"Seriously, Michelle. NOW is NOT the time!" James shot. "Look, don't worry, Erin. I'll just explain I found it in my locker, and I'll take….." James was interrupted by the opening office door.

"Shift inside you lot." Mrs Sadhbh snapped….. "Oh, Not you, James." She smiled as she stopped the wee English fella from entering.

Erin turned round in a panic. The couple caught each other's eye before Mrs Sadhbh closed the door. She about turned and led them to the chairs in front of Sister Michael's desk, who regarded them with a blank expression. Erin felt a veil of embarrassment drape over her as she sat alongside the others. James gulped with anxiety as he stood outside the office. He slowly pressed his ear towards the office door to try and listen in on what was being said. He then felt a jolt shoot up his spine.

"Oi, that's bad manners, listening to other people's conversations." Marco said, standing behind him with a food trolley.

"Jesus Christ, Co! You scared the shit outta me!" James gasped.

"Well…. Nice to see you too….. You don't look too good, mate." Marco admitted.

"Really? How do I look?" James sighed sadly.

"Like a vampire with a sick note." Marco shot.

James shot him an annoyed glance. "Shut up, you dickhead! What you doing here?"

"Meals on wheels!" Marco said, pointing to the trolley. "So, What's going on in there?" He asked.

"Mrs Sadhbh's pulled the girls into Sister Michael's office. You see…. Earlier on…. I…. there was this….." James frowned as he stuttered.

"Something about a birthday card, isn't it?" Marco asked.

"Yeah…. How'd you know?" James asked, a puzzled look cast on his face.

"Well, it's all over the manor, innit? It's all they're talking about down there! But Erin told me about it during morning break... You really wanna listen?" He asked, glancing towards the door. James shot an intrigued look as he nodded.

"Shut that door there." Marco said.

While James closed the entrance door, Marco moved towards Miss Mooney's desk. He leaned over and pressed the desk phone's intercom button. "Shhhhh….." The boys listened in just as Sister Michael began to speak.

"…Well, who's going to go first?" Sister Michael asked sternly.

"Sister Michael?!" Clare shot up from her seat.

"Clare! Why am I not surprised you have something to say?" The Nun stressed.

"I just want to say that this has NOTHING to do with me, Sister….. or ANY of us!... Well, apart from Erin and James, that is." Clare admitted.

"Ach, thanks a bunch Clare!" Erin groaned.

"I didn't mean it like that!" Clare panicked.

"Will ya park yourself Clare!….. Sister Michael, we're not involved in this in the way that Mrs Sadhbh or yourself think….. "Michelle spoke up.

"…..Really, Miss Mallon." Sister Michael huffed ironically.

"No, we're not! I mean you have to admit the whole thing is a bit peculiar, isn't it now?" Michelle replied.

"Explain….." Sister Michael requested.

"Well….. I mean, its hard to imagine anyone would write such lurid stuff about James, isn't it? Hard enough to imagine one person even having the hots for 'im….. given that he's such a dick…." Michelle proclaimed, causing Erin to gawp at her.

"Miss Mallon!"

"Sorry, Sister. But ya have to agree with me on some level, don't ya?" Michelle asked.

"Well, I suppose….." Sister Michael conceded. Outside the office, James scrunched his lip with annoyance while Marco sputtered.

"…. But the truth is, James found the card in his locker this morning, and Erin is simply an innocent bystander in all this, along with us. Honest!" Michelle concluded, motioning the innocence of the group.

"Christ, that's not even a feeble excuse." Mrs Sadhbh huffed.

"It's the truth! If I knew Erin still had the card in her possession, Sister Michael…. I would have told you immediately!" Clare added.

Erin leant close to Clare's ear. "Pull the ladder up a bit higher Clare, we can still see it!" She snapped. Orla tilted her head up curiously towards the ceiling.

"Oh, for God's sake! Sister Michael, I'm not prepared to listen to this pathetic squabbling. Nor am I prepared to put up with their insolent behaviour, especially Erin's. Which is why I've decided they WON'T be coming with the class on the trip to Belfast!" Mrs Sadhbh snapped. The girls all gawped at her, except Michelle.

"Oh God, No!" Erin frowned.

"No ice cream from a tray?" Orla asked sadly, snapping her head down from the ceiling.

"Can I have that in writing?" Michelle huffed sarcastically.

"Mrs Sadhbh, you can't be serious?!" Clare panicked.

"Oh, I'm dead serious, Miss Devlin! Why should I reward delinquent pupils who write sordid filth, misbehave in my class, then, instead of taking responsibility for it, rally behind the one who was responsible and deny it to my face?!" The teacher barked. Outside the office, James had reached his limit.

"I didn't write it!" Erin glared as she whispered under her breath.

"Only person I feel sorry for is poor James out there! He's the only innocent bystander in all this. I mean, how else is he supposed to feel when his own girlfriend broadcasts her sordid intentions in public?" She continued.

Erin took a long, deep breath. "For the last time, Sister. I. …."

The office door then burst open. The girls and staff were startled as James and Marco pulled the food trolley into the office.

"Sorry to interrupt Sister. I just needed a hand getting this in. Thanks, James. Lunch is up…. " Marco said as he brought the lunch in. He could then see that everyone was staring at them both. "….. Is this a bad time?" He asked.

"Actually, Marco. You and James can stay….. James, take a seat." Sister Michael said. Marco shot a wink at James as he stood to one side.

Erin went to speak again. "As I was saying, Sister Michael…."

"NO amount of denying it will do you ANY good, Erin!" Mrs Sadhbh interrupted.

James was flabbergasted at the complete shift in Mrs Sadhbh's demeanour. The wee English fella's memory flashed back to an episode of Doctor Who called The terror of the Zygons where he remembered the Zygons had the ability to mimic the appearance of other living creatures. Mrs Sadhbh didn't look like a Zygon, but her personality now seemed to show otherwise. Why was she always so nice to him? But his thoughts were diverted as Orla placed her head on his shoulder, her ears covered in anxiety.

Sister Michael, on the other hand was clearly annoyed. "Mrs Sadhbh. Before I was duly interrupted….."

"Oh, I share your pain, Sister. Honestly, I don't know how ya put up with them, James on the other hand…." The teacher huffed.

"MRS. SADHBH… I wasn't talking about the girls; I was talking about yourself! I have sat here, listen to you bellyache about these five…. Well, four. And I know how difficult it is….. Trust me, I've put in the time….. But I was going to say that I already knew about this explicit material before you came to me!" Sister Michael snapped.

Mrs Sadhbh now had a puzzled look on her face. But quicky shifted her position. "You…. Already knew? Well….. uh… of course you knew. You probably knew it was them the second you heard about it."

"Jesus, what an arse kisser." Michelle whispered. Clare nodded at her statement.

"But… how did….?"

"I believe I am speaking now, Mrs Sadhbh, so curb your tongue!" Sister Michael's stern words caused the teacher to scowl as she stood powerless. "Now, I can't prove who wrote this…. But it begs the question why you think Erin would be the author…. That she would risk being caught, given the rules that I laid down to these two from the start of their relationship whilst attending school?"

Mrs Sadhbh's eyes shifted nervously from left to right. "Well…. It's…. It's obvious isn't it? Erin has a problem with authority and simply disobeyed you! Come now, Sister. Surely this isn't the first time she's disobeyed you?"

"That might be true, Mrs Sadhbh…. However…." Sister Michael then pulled a sheet of paper towards her. "James. I'm going to ask you some questions, and I want to know the truth….." Sister Michael kept her focus on James. "When did you find the card in your locker?"

"This morning after assembly, Sister." James said truthfully. "The girls all read it, and Erin then got really upset and annoyed by what was written and snatched the card off me and walked off."

"Did you go to your locker yesterday, James?" Sister Michael asked.

"Yes."

"And was the card there yesterday?" Sister Michael stressed.

"No. Because I went to my locker at the end of school to put some books back in, and it definitely wasn't there, because when I went to open my locker this morning, the card was at the front and it fell out." James said emphatically.

Sister Michael lowered her eyes to the sheet of paper, examining it. "Hmmmm….. and you Marco, you said when I found Erin and Orla in the kitchen with you during morning break….. this was why Erin came to see you, correct?"

"…. Yeah. She showed me the card…. And she was really upset about it." Marco said. Mrs Sadhbh huffed with disbelief.

"Aye, she was really broke about it, Sister." Orla added, gently stroking Erin's arm.

Sister Michael seemed content as she sat at the desk. "Well, I think I can draw a line under this now…. I think it's safe to say that Erin was likely NOT the author, because unless this timetable is wrong, you weren't here at the end of school yesterday, were you not, Erin?" Sister Michael asked.

"Ach, No. We broke up early yesterday!" Erin cried. The girls all agreed.

Mrs Sadhbh now stood confused. "Ach, come now Sister! She could have easily…."

"Mrs Sadhbh…. I have said ALL that I am going to say on this matter" Sister Michael stood up and stared at the startled teacher. "I will be holding on to this card until the REAL culprit is found, but for now, I will have no more talk about it! Do we understand each other, Mrs Sadhbh?" They all turned to look at the teacher. Who appeared ruffled.

"… Fine, Sister…. My…. my apologies. Maybe…. I might have…. Gotten a wee bit carried away." She said, shifting her tone to a more sincere one.

"A wee bit?" Michelle whispered to the others.

"And the girls WILL be allowed to go on the Belfast trip." Sister Michael added, narrowing her eyes at Mrs Sadhbh, whose eyes widened at the decree. "Is there a problem, Mrs Sadhbh?" She asked.

"…. No. No. Of course not, Sister. No problems. Thank you Sister." She replied, letting out a delayed breath. Mrs Sadhbh about turned and left the office. Sister Michael turned to see the girls were clearly relieved. They went to stand.

"I'm not done with you yet!" Sister Michael said sternly. Causing the gang to freeze. "I can't help but feel disappointed in you girls. You know the rules about this sort of sordid material NOT being allowed in school."

"But we had nothing to do with it, Sister!" Erin complained.

"That may be so in THIS case, Miss Quinn, but now I'm going to have to deal with the repercussions of this. No doubt, the gossip will have spread like wildfire by now, and some parents will be calling in to complain about this…. You should have brought this to my attention immediately! This sort of thing is the last thing I need to deal with! Which is why I'm going to have to arrange some type of punishment for you all." Sister Michael said. The group gasped with despair.

"Punishment? What for?!" Michelle cried with annoyance.

"To nip this thing in the butt before it becomes a bigger issue, Miss Mallon. Something I'm NOT prepared to waste my time on. Or I could always bypass the punishment and involve your parents in this matter? I'm sure they'd have something to say about this!" Sister Michael barked.

"NO THANK YOU SISTER!" Clare yelped.

"Very well. I shall let you know what your punishment is due course. But I don't want to hear any more talk about this card. Is that clear?!" She bellowed.

"Yes, Sister." The gang all responded.

Upon leaving Sister Michael's office, The gang made their way to the main hall for lunch. Erin felt the eyes of the students in the hall on her. James brought himself round to her side, taking her hand into his. Turning to look at him, her heart melted as the wee English fella looked at her with concern.

"I'm sorry. I should have just thrown that bloody card away." He whispered.

"No, it was MY fault. I shouldn't have held on to it." Erin replied. "I shudder to think what they're all thinking!" She felt her cheeks redden with embarrassment.

"Well, Can we…. Forget about it?" James asked in a pleading tone. "Just… tell me if it gets too much. I wanna be there for you." James said softly.

"Aye, I'd like that." Erin answered, forcing a half smile through her worry. She gently squeezed his hand.

While the others queued up for lunch; Clare had excused herself to try and call Laurie again. Standing at the school payphone, Clare tapped the phone anxiously as she waited for the call to connect. She swallowed a lump in her throat, hoping for a chance to explain to Laurie that there was no one else in the equation.

It confused Clare that Laurie, the more level-headed one in their partnership, the soothing ying to her cack attack yang had been taken in by such a ludicrous suggestion that Clare, the most 'straight' laced of the group would have an aura of suspicion of infidelity hanging over her name. The phone rang on and on with no answer. Not even the chance to leave a message on the answer machine like before, which only heightened the wee lesbian's worry. Slamming the phone back into its handle with frustration. Back in the hall, the others sat at lunch.

"Seriously…. What was Mrs Sadhbh playing at?" Michelle asked, trying to make sense of what happened earlier on.

"Don't go on about it, Michelle." James moaned.

"Aye. I really don't wanna think about it no more." Erin groaned.

"You know, if this happened back at OUR old school, James, you'd be a legend." Marco joked as he stood to clear the plates. The girls shot him a glare. "But we're not IN our old school." Marco retracted in a cheeky tone before returning to collect the dirty plates.

"Yeah, thanks mate." James sighed. Meanwhile, Orla devoured her lunch.

"It's a good thing Marco kept some lunch aside for us all, otherwise we'd have had to do the same thing those lads did in that film where they crashed a plane in those mountains and had no food and then had to eat the lads that died in the plane crash." Orla voice was croaky, like she was drained from lack of nourishment. "Lucky we didn't have to, Erin. Cos in all fairness, you'd barely make a hearty meal." She said with total conviction.

"It really is one of those days, isn't it?" James remarked.

"Aye, thanks for THAT, Orla!" Erin snapped.

Clare then walked into the hall with a huff to rejoin the others at the table. Marco saw her come in and placed a plate of lunch in front of her. Along with a plate of cannolis for the group. Which they were more than happy to devour. Orla being the first.

"Thanks, Marco." Clare forced a smile.

"Don't thank me. I just can't believe you chose that abomination." He said. Pointing at the French bread pizza on the plate.

"What? Is that like blasphemous against pizza or something?" Michelle mocked. "I wouldn't have thought it was as bad as Pineapple on a pizza?" She said daringly.

"Oh God!" James groaned.

"Right, first of all…. THAT'S NOT PROPER PIZZA! AND ANYONE WHO LIKES PINEAPPLE ON THEIR PIZZA IS A SICK… No, No, I'm gonna have you do this to me again!" Marco stressed as he walked off. Causing Michelle to cackle. "So, any luck with the lezzer lover, Clare?" Michelle asked. Clare shot a glare at her.

"No. I couldn't even leave a message on her answer machine." Clare answered sadly.

"Oh well, plenty of fish in the lesbo sea. Aye?" Michelle said, trying to perk Clare up.

"Not for me, there isn't." Clare sulked. Orla moved and rubbed her back gently with affection. "With my luck, I'll probably have this aura hanging over my head that all the other lesbians can sense, like I'm some sort of lesbian bed hopper! Sure, that'll dampen my chances of finding another suitor if Laurie's dumped me!"

"What's it look like Clare?" Orla asked. Looking above her head.

"Laurie hasn't dumped you." Erin shot.

"She's not speaking to me! Probably never wants to speak to me again…. That seems pretty definite, Erin!" Clare frowned.

"Well, why don't you go to Belfast and find Laurie, and explain it to her, face to face, Clare?…. You've got her address, Haven't you?" James suggested.

"Oh yeah. That sure won't make her look desperate won't it, wank features?" Michelle snapped.

"I think that's a grand idea, James. Go and set the record straight, Clare!" Erin spoke up.

"Odd use of words there." Michelle quipped.

"Really? You don't think it'll make me look desperate?" Clare asked.

"Of course it does, but you don't really have much choice now, do ya?" Erin shrugged.

"Ach, thanks, Erin." Clare huffed. She sat and pondered about the option of going to Belfast to track down Laurie. She missed her terribly, feeling a sense of empathy for what Marco and Orla must have gone through.

"Here, Clare. Have one of these." Orla handed Clare a cannoli. Her plight was temporarily forgotten as she took a bite.

"Mmmmm, Jesus…. That's class." Clare huffed.

"They are that." Orla smiled, turning to beam a proud smile at Marco, who wasn't too far away.

"Hey Clare! Looks like an open fanny, doesn't it?" Michelle pointed at the edge of the cannoli shell.

"Well, didn't stop you having a munch, did it?" Marco called out. Erin and James turned into each other to hide their sniggers while Michelle turned and shot him an annoyed look.

"….. Dickhead!" Michelle shot back.

"If I've eaten five of those, does that make ME a lesbian now?" Orla asked curiously.

"WHAT?! It's a lifestyle, Orla! Not a diet!" Clare exclaimed.

"Not disturbing you, am I girls?" They spun round to Mrs Sadhbh standing over them. The girls glanced awkwardly at each other, not sure of what to say to her.

"Oh…. Uh, no Mrs Sadhbh. Not really." James answered for them. The brunette teacher noticed the awkward glances.

"Right, well I wanted to give you all these. They're letters for your parents to sign for the Belfast trip." She said, handing them round.

"Well, fuck a doodle doo." Michelle said sarcastically under her breath.

"I'm not here to start up, Michelle! I'm merely trying to draw a line in the sand. Can we be sensible here?" Mrs Sadhbh said, her voice sounding slightly cross.

"Mrs Sadhbh, does Marco get one too?" Orla asked innocently. But the teacher ignored her.

"Yes, Mrs Sadhbh. We can be sensible." Clare declared.

"I'm sure he'd like to come." Orla said. But Mrs Sadhbh still ignored her.

"Well, I'm glad to hear it, Clare. No doubt it will fare better if you all choose to tow the line from now on." Mrs Sadhbh said sternly.

"He'd be on his own otherwise, Miss." Orla continued to explain to no avail.

"What do you mean, Miss?" Clare asked, concerned at the teacher's stance.

"Well, let me put it this way, Clare. As a UCAS referee…. You girls will find it in your best interest to NOT rub me up the wrong way in future." Mrs Sadhbh made eye contact with Erin.

"… What?" Erin asked, shell shocked.

"Oh, didn't I mention it before? I'm a UCAS referee as well as a teacher. One word from me is worth its weight in gold when it comes to potential universities. Bare that in mind" Mrs Sadhbh warned. "By the way, James. I've no need for you this afternoon. But I will…. Soon." Mrs Sadhbh shot him a peculiar look as she walked away.

"Excuse me, Miss?" Orla called out but Mrs Sadhbh was gone. The group sat shocked.

"I don't believe it! I simply don't believe it!" Clare's voice was a whisper of withheld hysterics as she fastened her speech.

"Serious question; How fucked are we all?" Michelle asked.

"I…. DON'T. BELIEVE IT!" Erin exclaimed.

"I DON'T FECKING BELIEVE IT!" Joe shouted while Gerry shivered as he stood in the shallow edges of the pond. "Ya stupid great eejit!" Joe snapped. "Ya scared away the fecking fish!"

"YOU….. PUSHED ME IN!" Gerry snapped back, his jaw shaking from the bitter cold water.

"Why would I do that now?" Joe protested innocently. "Come on. Give us ya hand!" Joe reached and pulled Gerry out of the water.

"Was a mad craic, Uncle Joe, so it was!" Declan laughed as Joe shot him a mischievous side glance.

"Right…. I think we're just about done here, lads." Jim stated, hoisting a container in each hand. Jim lead the entourage back to the van. The water squelched in Gerry's boots with each step he took.

"Who in God's name are we feeding here, Jim? The fecking five thousand?!" Declan quipped, surveying the multitude of containers inside the back of Gerry's van.

"I've been meaning to ask, Jim. How are ya gonna store all these fish?" Joe asked.

"Ach, Joe. Fionnula said to just get these to her, and she'll sort them out." Jim answered. "Sure, I'll store a few in my deep freezer….. but I can't store them all." He added.

"Then why did ya get me to take your spare deep freezer round to my garage, Jim?" Declan asked…. That Siobhan's gonna be steaming when she sees it! He thought worryingly to himself.

"Just so we don't arouse suspicion, lad. Fionnula said she doesn't want people breathing down her neck while she…. Redistributes the wealth." Jim explained.

"What is she? The Codfather or something?" Gerry shivered.

"Huh, what are you? A comedian now?" Declan huffed.

"His face is a fecking joke, for a start." Joe shot.

"It won't be much of a joke if the police come knocking!" Gerry spluttered, shivering between his words.

"Well, we better make sure no one puts another 50p in the eejit!" Joe pointed at Gerry. "Listen, ya southern dose. We're performing a public service here, and Fionnula's paying us! So, shut yer hole and get in the van. And jeep your mouth shut! Cos we're in this together, and if I go down, you're going down with me!" Joe ordered.

"I don't believe this….. I just….. DON'T believe this!" Gerry gasped; his voice was a mixture of shivers, utter annoyance and anguish while he shifted gingerly in his soaked clothes.

"I just don't believe this!" Mary shouted. Surveying the atrocity on the kitchen table.

"Well, I did what ya said, Mary." Sarah insisted casually. "Your washing machine must have a mind of its own." She shrugged.

"A mind of its own? What? It's supposed to know when there's a blue track suit top mixed with the white towels?!" Mary shouted as she held up the newly christened pale blue bath towels.

"Well, if ya ask me. I think they look cracker! At least you'll save money on Persil with less white loads now, Mary." Sarah suggested.

"Well, how am I supposed to explain this then, 'Anne Robinson'?" Mary held up the dark blue PUMA tracksuit jacket. "The thing's shrunk down two sizes, Sarah!"

"Hello?" Marco called as he walked in. He chuckled as Coco Pops bounded happily into the living room, followed by a delighted Anna.

"Jesus wept! You're owning up to this!" Mary pointed to Sarah in a panic. "Hiya Anna love." Mary reached down to pick up Anna.

"I went on the swings!" Anna claimed happily. Mary gasped playfully.

"How's it going, Marco?" Sarah smiled, taking his hand. The lad shot a smile back at her.

"Thanks for picking her up, son." Mary's tone was thankful, but still carried a weight of panic.

"No worries. We had a cheeky stop at the swings, didn't we, Anna?" Marco asked, stroking her head. The youngest Quinn nodded, the memory still fresh in her mind.

"You went to the swings without me?" Orla proclaimed sadly as she suddenly appeared, followed by the chaotic arguing that was occurring amongst the others. The look of disappointment was evident on Orla's face.

"Ach fuck sake! Don't tell me we've got Another lover's tiff?!" Michelle huffed, rolling her eyes.

"Seems to be the right sort of day for that!"

"Shut up, Clare." Erin snapped.

"Marco only went to the swings cos he picked up Anna from playschool." Her Aunt scoffed. Orla feigned annoyance at him as she went for the cupboard.

"Well, I must say you five look a wee bit…. What's the word Jannette Joyce, formerly O'Shea once said? Despondent?" Sarah articulated.

"No, we're fucking pissed off, Sarah!" Michelle corrected her angrily.

"Language, Michelle!" Mary snapped while Anna giggled.

"What happened to the towels, Aunt Mary?" Orla surveyed the colour-stained towels while munching on a pop tart.

"Mammy changed the colour." Anna spoke up.

"Ooooh. Well Aunt Mary had a wee accident Orla, love. She put Marco's tracksuit top in with the whites and now they look like this. And Marco's top shrunk." Sarah sighed.

"I had a wee accident?!" Mary protested in anger.

"There, ya see. She admits it." Sarah pointed.

"Oh, bloody hell!" Marco groaned.

"Marco, the truth is…."

"Ohh, I liked that top." Orla groaned sadly.

"Well, why don't you try it on? It might fit you, Orla." James suggested.

The thought lit up Orla's face. Marco nodded in agreement. "Ooooh! That's a cracker thought, James." She took the top and bounded into the hall.

"There ya go, Mary. Saved you the aggro from making a wee mistake." Sarah beamed.

"For the love of God." Mary gasped as she went about folding the towels. "Erin give us a hand….. So, how was School?" Mary was desperate to shirk the conversation. Erin knew the feeling.

"Uhhhh…. Well….. it was….. educational." Erin stuttered.

"Well, I best be off, Mary. I gotta get started on my homework. See ya later." Clare shrieked.

"Yeah, I gotta get down Dennis' for a shift. James, see ya at home." Michelle added. The pair made a beeline for the door before Mary could answer. Her gaze fell on Erin.

"….. Alright, what's going on?" Mary demanded to know. "I know when something's been occurring, and I wannae know right now!" She bellowed

"Do you think I should tell her everything?" James whispered to Marco.

"Not unless you really want ya bits chopped off." Marco whispered back.

"I'm waiting Erin Josephine Quinn!" Mary barked.

"Mary!? You're not gonna believe what ya Da did this time!" Gerry shouted as he walked over the threshold.

"Don't you say a word, ya great prick!" Joe shouted from the hall.

"Thank you Jesus." Erin gasped.

"Wha….. Jesus, Gerry! What happened to you?!" Mary exclaimed; her tone shifted from anger to concern at the sight of his drenched state.

"Dopey prick slipped on the bank and fell in the pond, that's all!" Joe cried out as he quickly followed. "Everyone had a grand day have they now?" Joe asked.

"Well, Erin was just about to tell us about her day at school. Clearly something's happened." Sarah spoke up. Erin snapped her head round at her aunt in a fit of anguish.

"Well, Erin?" Mary asked again.

The petite blonde contorted an awkward expression.

"Hey, it fits me!" Orla exclaimed jubilantly as she burst into the room. "How's it look?!" She asked, twirling in the tracksuit top. But no one gave an answer.