Chapter 9: Crossing a Line
"I'm singing for my sins
it's crowded living inside this skin
but I'm trying to dance again."
-"The King in Yellow," Kevin Quain
Hitomi woke up in darkness. The windows were open, and the breeze smelled sweet and fragrant. The sky was spangled with thousands of stars, and the Earth shone exceptionally bright. These were the nights she had missed ravenously when she returned to the Earth—nights that felt full of possibility and so beautiful that they made you want to cry. Tonight differed from those nights ten years ago; her body ached, and she was still exhausted. The stars and their possibilities mocked her tonight. Days ago, she had been more at peace than in years, and now she'd been slammed back down to rock bottom. Allen's attempt at comfort had been helpful, but the wounds were still too fresh for healing. Taking a deep breath, she twisted away from the windows. It occurred to her that it was strange that they were even open; her heart raced, and her thoughts ran away with her. Hitomi sat up slowly and looked suspiciously around the room. She had half expected to see Geckos lurking in the corners but saw nothing except Van sitting beside the low burning fire.
"Hi," she murmured almost silently.
"Hi," he mouthed back.
They stared at each other through the dim light.
Van was still uncertain what to say to her. It wasn't like he could bare his soul and ask her to stay. Anna and Amano had made it abundantly clear that they intended to get Hitomi home as soon as possible. After he had pulled them from the room earlier that morning, both had hurled a tirade of abuse at him. He had held firm on the fact that Hitomi needed to rest undisturbed, but that did not mean that their words had not hurt. As much as he hated to admit it, Anna and Amano were the closest people to Hitomi, and he did not want to be on the wrong side of either of them. Both had told him that what had happened the previous night to Hitomi was his fault. They reaffirmed the nasty little voice in his mind that believed he was not good enough for her. They spent the day skulking around Merle and refused to interact with him except to give him dark looks. The festival, an event that was usually joyous, was tainted with the shadow of the previous evening. Van was glad when it was over, and he could flee back to his rooms and Hitomi. Unfortunately, now that he was with her, he didn't know what to say.
Crawling out of bed, Hitomi went to the chair across from Van and curled up into a ball. She was at a loss for words. She had slept all day and had no concept of what had happened after Van had strong-armed Anna and Amano out of the room. She hoped they were not too hard on him. Turning her gaze from his face to the fire, she leaned her head against the tall leather back of the chair. They sat in silence for a long time. Hitomi turned her attention back to Van. Her gaze weighed heavily on him, and he shifted uncomfortably under it.
"I missed you," Hitomi said as quietly as her greeting, and Van strained to hear her. "When I left Gaea, I mean. I missed you."
Van felt a heat begin to radiate from his chest. She had told him she had missed him on the Mystic Moon, but this was different. On the Mystic Moon, she said she had missed him and Allen. Now, in the dark, her confession felt pointed and special. It caused him to hope in a way he had tried desperately to avoid. Nothing was more dangerous than hope. He knew she would be leaving again, and he knew he could not rightly ask her to stay. Unfortunately, that did little to quell the tiny flicker of hope that had begun to burn. Meeting her gaze, he quietly replied, "I missed you too."
"Why did you stop reaching out to me? The last time I saw you, I was still in high school. It had only been a year, and then that was it." Hitomi said and glanced down at her hands. The hurt in her voice caused him to flinch slightly.
"That was the last time it worked." Van clarified. He didn't know how to tell her how long he had tried to get in contact with her, how he had longed to see her for years before finally giving up.
"Worked?" Her head snapped back up. Confusion danced across her features.
"Yes, I tried for a long time after that, but it never worked. It was just static." He sighed. He didn't like to be vulnerable and admit how long he had tried to make contact. He also didn't want to admit that he had even tried to visit the Mystic Moon, worried something had happened to her. "After a while, I assumed you didn't want to contact me anymore."
"Van." His name slipped out of her mouth like a prayer. Her eyes shone with something that he could not quite place. Getting out of her chair, Hitomi knelt before him and impulsively grabbed his hands. "I never wanted to stop seeing you."
Seeing Hitomi kneel in front of him broke the restraint that Van didn't realize he had been clinging onto. Sliding to the floor, he pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. Hitomi leaned into his embrace, and her breath hitched slightly. The muscles in Van's body relaxed suddenly; there was a tension that he hadn't even realized he had been holding disappeared. Cupping her cheek and lifting her face upwards, Van swallowed his fear and kissed her.
The first thought that entered Hitomi's mind when Van kissed her was that she was home. It was a feeling she never thought she would have again. She felt safe and warm like nothing in the world could hurt her. Pressing her body against his, she leaned into the kiss and slid her tongue along his lower lip, begging to deepen the kiss. She brought her hands up and buried them in his hair.
Van's brain emptied of every thought. The only sensation he could feel was the warmth of Hitomi in his arms and her lips on his. He felt her push against him and her hands in his hair. At her direction, he opened his mouth and deepened the kiss. He was breathless and in over his head, but he didn't care. The only thing that mattered at that moment was Hitomi. They began to crumple to the floor in a heap of limbs. Hitomi lay on top of him, her hands never leaving his hair. There was a hunger in her kiss that he did not anticipate, and it was not unappreciated. His hands shook as they glided up the sides of her body. He failed to fight back a smile when she moaned slightly in response to his touch. She was a marvel.
In the back of Hitomi's mind, she was vaguely aware of how quickly things escalated. She was also aware that she was the one driving the escalation. She pushed the thought that things were moving too quickly out of her head and moved her hands to run them over Van's chest. Hitomi did not want to overthink what was happening. She just wanted to enjoy the sensations of the moment. It felt right to be with Van, and she only wanted to focus on things that felt right. She hoped to forget the pain of the previous days and years. What mattered was this moment and how she felt with Van. Throwing caution to the wind, she focused on her wants and needs. She needed him to touch her, to hold her and to make her thoughts quiet.
Pushing back, she straddled his waist and stared at him through heavy lids. Van groaned as she shifted. He looked up at her and realized that, despite her bruises, she was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. Her eyes had darkened to a brilliant forest green, and her hair slid over her shoulders. He reached up and tucked a loose wave of hair behind her ear. Moving one of her hands from his chest, he gently kissed her knuckles and palm. She guided his hands to her waist and ducked down to kiss him again. His hands moved in slow circles, just grazing the sides of her breasts. She groaned into his lips and bared her hips downward.
Van's mind spiralled when she straddled him. He could not believe that this heavenly creature, someone he had dreamed about since he was fifteen, was not only allowing him to touch her but was also reciprocating his ministrations. He kissed her jaw slowly and moved his way down her neck. He whispered her name, and it reverberated huskily in his chest. Her skin flushed under his touch, and he felt goosebumps form as he glided his rough hands up her arms. She moaned in frustration, grabbing his hands and bringing them up to her breasts. His hands caressed the soft cotton of her shift, and her body shuddered in response. Underneath the fabric, he could feel her nipples harden at his touch. Her body was reacting in ways that Van had only ever been able to fantasize about, and any ability to reason was eroding by the second.
Hitomi was reaching for the hem of her shift when a noise caused her to freeze. Ice poured through her veins, and she twisted suddenly, alert to her situation. She and Van were sprawled on the floor in front of the fire. Her shift had ridden up to her hips, and she was straddling him. The colour drained from her face, and she scooted backwards quickly, coming in hard contact with a chair behind her.
"Hitomi?" Van questioned as she ripped herself from his arms. He tried to hide the hurt that her actions had caused him.
"Door." Hitomi hissed in reply and jerked her head towards the sounds of a commotion coming from the other side of the doors.
Rising to his feet, he helped her settle back into her chair and then moved back to the chair across from her. The petulant look on his face made her smile. He looked like a small child who was told to eat his vegetables. It was so endearing, like so many things he did. The sobering distance between their bodies caused her to recoil at her boldness. What had she done? What if she had pushed him too far? Yes, he had kissed her, but she had escalated the situation. If not for the noise at the door, she didn't doubt they would have gone further and had sex. The thought caused her to blush. She was so focused on her internal monologue that Hitomi had all but forgotten about the door that not moments ago killed her arousal.
"I'm going to leave whatever that is to Allen," Van said bluntly, sitting conspicuously cross-legged in the chair across from her.
"Allen?" Hitomi asked, her voice betraying her confusion.
"Yes, he was keeping watch at the door. You needed rest, and I wanted to ensure you got it." He continued, leaving out the part that it was her friends that he was keeping away.
"Do you think he heard us?" She squeaked.
"I doubt it," He replied with a lazy smirk, crossing his face at the memory. He certainly did not care if Allen or her friends had heard them. He had no shame about their activities.
Van did not doubt that it was her friends at the door making the commotion that had startled Hitomi. He had been wondering when they were going to show up again. Trusting Allen to handle the situation was his current plan. Hitomi wasn't leaping to the door, so she must be okay with his decision. He had dealt with her friends' ire all day and was not in the mood to deal with more of it. He wanted to spend time with Hitomi. He loved her and wanted to sit with her. He didn't care if they didn't continue what they had started. He wanted to be with her, no strings attached.
Hitomi held back a grin at the smirk that crossed his face. It was so reminiscent of his fifteen-year-old self. She had forgotten how much she had missed him. She'd also be lying if she said she didn't enjoy the effect she had on his body. There was nothing soft about Van's body; it was hard and lean yet highly comforting. For not the first time in her life, she cursed her anxiety. Its hyper-vigilance had brought their activities to a grinding halt. She knew she should be a grown-up and answer the door, but she wasn't up for her friends. She hoped Allen could handle the situation, but she also knew that her friends were more challenging to get rid of than they appeared. She could hear the voices in the hallway get louder and more animated. Resting her head on the leather back of the chair, she shut her eyes.
"I don't think they are going to give up." Hitomi mused. Her eyes were still shut, and her face winced slightly at the thought.
"Allen will handle it," Van responded stubbornly. "He knows his orders."
Hitomi smiled again at the petulance in his voice. In so many ways, he had changed, but she was happy to see remnants of the boy she had loved. When she was on Gaea for the first time, she was frustrated by his stubbornness. When she returned to Earth, it was the thing she had missed most about him. He challenged her in a way that no one else ever did. Her heart pained slightly for their younger selves and the relationship they never got to have with each other. Hitomi looked over at Van and tried to memorize the curves of his face in the dim light. She wanted this memory for when she returned home—something to hold onto in the darkest recesses of her heart.
Van watched her face soften when she looked at him. He winced at the noises coming from the hall. He knew they needed to deal with the situation but was happy to have a few extra minutes with her. He would owe Allen quite a lot when this was all over. From his experience, people from the Mystic Moon were sometimes very abrasive and assertive. Hitomi wasn't shy about her opinions; her friends were no different. In fairness, if he had been kept from Hitomi, he would have broken down the door.
On the other side of the door, Allen cursed under his breath. He had tried everything he could to get Anna and Amano back to their rooms, but nothing had worked. He tried kindness, reason and ordering them. He couldn't help but wonder if all the people from the Mystic Moon were this obstinate. He was sure the noise would have woken Hitomi up by now, and she needed rest. He glared at the two standing before him with a venom he had not used since the Destiny War.
"I don't care what you say. Hitomi will want to see us. Just ask her!" Anna stood chest to chest with Allen, her hands resting on her hips.
"She is sleeping. She needs rest." Allen reiterated for what felt like the hundredth time.
"She would sleep better if one of us was with her." Amano retorted. He stood slightly behind Anna, but his stance was no less aggressive.
"Van is keeping an eye on her," Allen responded, sounding tired. They were going in circles.
"And that gives me so much confidence." Amano deadpanned. His eyes were trained on the door.
"Let us in already." Anna stomped her foot in an action that could only be described as unintimidating. "Just knock. If she's asleep, we'll leave."
"You will?" Allen asked skeptically. It would go against a direct order, but it was likely his best chance to get peace.
"We will?" Amano countered. He looked surprised by Anna's bargaining move.
"We will," Anna replied confidently. "She will want to see us."
Allen sighed. They were still going in circles, but at least this could send Anna and Amano on their way. Van owed him big time for all this hassle. Allen was always a knight at heart and kept the rules of chivalry close to his heart, but these two were testing him in ways he did not expect. Anna had a level of self-assuredness that did not translate to most women he had encountered on Gaea. Amano was frustratingly pigheaded when it came to Hitomi and would not let up. Despite his appearance, Allen felt that he resembled Van more than himself. Both were stubborn fools and obviously in love with Hitomi. Deciding it was worth the gamble of getting them to go away, he moved slightly to the side with a gruff "Fine."
Anna smiled in triumph, "I knew you would be reasonable about this eventually."
Sweeping past Allen, Anna made her way to the door. Now that she was getting her way, a definitive bounce in her step was noticeable. She dramatically raised her fist to the door and knocked loudly. She turned triumphantly to Amano and said, "I told you we would see her tonight."
The knock reverberated throughout the room. Hitomi and Van looked at each other. They both looked mildly alarmed before transitioning to laughter. As it turns out, Hitomi's fears were accurate, and Allen couldn't handle her friends. She was honestly surprised it had taken that long and was sure she owed Allen an apology on their behalf.
"It looks like they have broken through your defences." Hitomi joked and began to stand up.
"We could just not answer." Van countered, hopefully.
"I don't think that would satiate them, and we've tortured Allen enough," Hitomi replied and approached the door.
Opening the door, Hitomi was met by Anna hurling herself into Hitomi's arms. Hitomi looked over at Van helplessly as if to ask for help. Van couldn't help but smile at the hapless look on Hitomi's face. As much as he wanted to be alone with her, he was secretly thankful that Hitomi had such solid friendships and people who cared about her on the Mystic Moon.
From the safety and comfort of Hitomi's arms, Anna turned around and stuck out her tongue at Allen. She was not above crowing about her victory. From what Anna could tell, Hitomi had not been asleep, and Anna would not be returning to her room. She fully intended to keep her bargain with Allen if Van had answered the door and told them that Hitomi was sleeping, but that was a moot point now.
"I'm so glad you are awake," Anna said in an overly loud voice, looking pointedly at Allen.
"It's hard not to be awake with all the commotion out here," Hitomi replied dryly.
"Some people wouldn't let us see you. We let them know that you would want us with you." Anna continued, her voice carrying a certain smugness.
"Allen and Van were trying to let me rest." Hitomi sighed, moving out of the doorway to let Anna and Amano into Van's room.
Amano followed the two girls into the room. As he passed Allen, he purposefully bumped shoulders. He was ready to go home. He wanted to return to how things were before they landed on Gaea. He also tried to ignore how tousled Hitomi and Van looked and how Hitomi's lips looked vaguely swollen. He suspected they had been doing more than letting Hitomi rest, but his heart would not let him pursue that train of thought further.
Moving to the edge of the bed, Amano sat down and stared at the floor. He knew Hitomi would not like what he had to say next, but it needed to be said. "Anna and I were wondering when we could go home."
Amano saw Hitomi cringe slightly when the mention of leaving was made. He tried not to let the action hurt, but it did. He didn't understand Hitomi's affinity for this place. From what he could see, it was practically medieval, and she had been kidnapped. He'd be begging to go home if he were in her position. Yet, from her body language, he could tell that she did not want to leave.
"Go home?" Hitomi repeated. She was not excited by the prospect but could not think of a good reason to stay. She couldn't exactly say she wanted to stay and figure out if she still had feelings for her teenage crush. She suspected that she already knew the answer to that question, and the answer scared her. Furthermore, she needed to be smart and throwing her life away for a guy was not smart.
"Hitomi, we need to go home. Especially with everything that has happened." Anna chimed in. She hadn't expected any resistance from Hitomi. "Aaron and Ben are probably worried sick about us."
Hitomi grimaced; Anna had used her trump card. Of course, Aaron and Ben were probably worried sick. A beam of light had taken up Ben's little sister. Hitomi remembered the pain that her disappearance had caused her family. It was something that they never got over, and Hitomi would not wish that pain on anyone else. There wasn't anything that Hitomi could say that would disagree with what Anna was saying. Of course, they needed to go home. The only problem was that Hitomi didn't feel ready.
Van sat in his chair by the fireplace and watched in horror as her friends asked to go home. He understood their desire to return home; he wasn't a monster, but the thought of letting Hitomi go again made his blood run cold. Perhaps he could pretend to lose the pendant or fail to find a way to get them to the Mystic Moon? He knew that he would never do either of those things in good consciousness, and he was mildly ashamed of himself for thinking of doing so. He hoped that Hitomi would decide to stay or put off leaving.
"Van?" Hitomi called out to him tentatively. "I think it's time for us to go home."
