She had often been told, and had seen for herself, that her father had been gifted a smile to rival a prince's.
She had asked him about it once, when she was a wee little girl who had only just had her first lesson in subtraction.
Subtraction she had found disappointing, particularly when her teacher had said that no, she could not subtract new baby sisters from the lives of her pupils.
Noting that her sister was a nuisance who constantly caused her parents fatigue and it would therefore be best to subtract that sister from their lives entirely had been answered with, "Well, that is what newborns do. I am sure that when you were small, you too, caused your parents many nights of fatigue."
"Mummy says I was a dream baby," she had answered her teacher. "Dream babies don't cause fatigue."
She hadn't had the faintest word what fatigue meant. She had read it in one of her daddy's novels and had thought she may have used it properly.
She wouldn't have told the teacher that, as her daddy's novels did not contain content terribly appropriate for little girls.
"Did you always have a smile like that, Daddy?" she had questioned on a chilled autumn's night that had stabbed tiny ice pellets at her chest until she had slipped underneath the warmth of her fleece duvet.
"A smile like what, darlin'?" he had inquired, in a voice carrying an accent much different to her own.
"That one," she had said, pointing to his face. "The one that wraps around your entire face. I see it there a lot. The other kids do, too. They ask me about it."
"What do they ask you about it?" he had questioned, amusement playing across his eyes as he set down the chapter book he had planned to read to her before bedtime.
"They ask me if you were born smiling," she said.
"Have you told them I was?"
"I don't know, Daddy. I wasn't here when you were born. If you were born. I've not decided if you were."
"You've heard Nana's stories."
"Yes, but Nana likes to tell stories. That doesn't mean they are all true."
"Do you believe my stories?"
"Sometimes. It depends on the story."
Dylan had drawn Adrianna into his lap, where she liked to sit when it was available.
It typically wasn't, as it was her mummy's and sister's favorite place to sit, too.
"Can't tell ya if I was born smiling, because I don't know if I was," he had told her. "I don't ask Nana about that time too often because it brings up some painful memories for her, you see?"
"What's painful mean?"
"It means that it hurts her, right here," said Dylan as he had placed his hand along the upper part of Adrianna's nightgown, the silken pink one with the princesses and the tiny puff sleeves that, after being handed down to Callie, had been promptly exchanged between Callie and her friend for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles nightshirt that Callie had had her eye on.
"Do you get hurt there too, Daddy?" Adrianna had asked.
"I have, many times."
"Are you hurt there now?"
"Have you seen your Mummy today?" Dylan had said in response.
At dinner, Adrianna had told him, slightly concerned over whether he had forgotten.
"And I saw her as we crossed paths in the hallway. Then I checked on Callie in her bassinet and came in to read a story to you and that, darlin', that's –"
"That's why your smile wraps around your face," Adrianna had finished. "Because you get to spend every day with us."
"You are just as smart as Mummy," said Dylan. "But even smart girls have bedtimes, so did you still want me to read this chapter before bed?"
"Does Mummy have a bedtime?"
"Mummy gets into bed when Daddy gets into bed."
"I don't want to be a grownup if grownups still have bedtimes."
"That suits me just fine. You can stay my little girl forever," Dylan had said. "Oh, look at that. It's a chapter about October. How appropriate."
"How is that appropriate, Daddy?"
"Because it's October right now, munchkin." Dylan had begun to read. "October was a beautiful month at Green Gables, when the birches in the hollow turned as golden as sunshine and the maples behind the orchard were royal crimson and the wild cherry trees along the lane put on the loveliest shades of dark red and - Brenda, we see you!"
"I was just -"
"You were just nothing."
"I was getting Callie for her feed."
"I'll get her." Dylan had bookmarked the page. "Just going to help Mummy with your sister and then I'll be right back, okay?"
"Okay, Daddy," Adrianna had said.
"Dylan, honestly," Brenda had protested.
"Bren, you're still recovering from major surgery," said Dylan.
"That was weeks ago!"
Five precisely, Dylan had noted; adding that from their recent appointment, Brenda would require at least a few more weeks of consistent rest for a full recovery.
"Get back in bed and I'll bring Callie to you," Dylan had ordered.
"I'm perfectly fine to walk," said Brenda.
"I'd believe that if you didn't just release a wince. To bed you go and without further delay, Mrs. McKay."
"You're lucky I love you, Mr. McKay."
"Don't I know it. In fact, I'd venture to say everyone we know has been extremely outspoken about just how lucky I am, your brother chief amongst them."
"You can tell him that I'm lucky, too. What is tonight's chapter?"
"October."
"Adrianna," Brenda had glanced through the space Dylan had created between his arm and the door frame, "did your daddy tell you it's October now?"
"Yes, Mummy," Adrianna had answered.
"Did he also tell you I fell in love with an October boy?"
"Didn't tell her that part," said Dylan, "although now that you mention it, I could tell her about how I fell in love with a November girl. Better yet, I could tell her how that November girl gave me the best gifts I'm probably ever going to have, in September and May."
"Books, Daddy?" Adrianna had asked, knowing from experience that a book was a wonderful gift to receive.
"Inspiration for my books," Dylan had said as he had pulled Brenda to him. "Loads and loads of inspiration. That happens, you know, when you marry the girl you met at the lockers." His nose had connected with Brenda's. "I don't think you realize how close the kids and I came to losing you, Bren," he had tried to lower his voice, unsuccessfully.
"You wouldn't let that happen," said Brenda.
"Never gonna let it happen," said Dylan.
That had been the first time Adrianna's parents had snogged in front of her, or perhaps the first time she had noticed their snogs.
If possible, her father's smile had stretched out further beneath the smile her mother had worn.
A cacophonous wail had ended their snog.
"I'll bring her to you," said Dylan. "Then we'll get back to the story," he had promised his oldest daughter.
True to his word, Dylan had returned to complete the chapter.
Adrianna had resumed her cuddle in his protective embrace.
"- bronzy green," he had read, "while the fields sunned themselves in aftermaths. Anne reveled in the world of color about her. Kind of like I do, every day."
"What's revel mean, Daddy?"
"It means enjoy."
"And what's enjoy?"
Adrianna had decided that she, too, reveled in her own world of color, just as her daddy did.
That world had dissipated over time.
She hadn't stayed his little girl.
His smile hadn't remained apparent on his face.
She had begun to count how many days her father had been sans his trademark grin.
It had waned over the summer, after her parents had separated. It had begun to peek through again, as Dylan had convinced Brenda to permit him to live in the bungalow with them.
It had been completely absent since the Los Angeles police had taken her mother away.
"I wish Daddy would smile again," Callie had said. "Do you think he still knows how?"
"We've not exactly any reasons to smile," said Adrianna, though a brief one may have tweaked at her lips earlier in the day when she had met Jeffie and been given a bag of fresh snow.
She hadn't touched it, not yet. She was waiting for Jeffie to come, and then they would partake in the snow, together.
"I've been reading," Callie had said.
"You read?" Adrianna had asked.
"Ade, I'm serious," said Callie, with the expression to prove it. "I've been reading and did you know California has a death penalty? Will Mum get the death penalty?"
"I think you should stop reading about this stuff," said Adrianna.
"I asked Daddy if Mum will get the death penalty," said Callie.
"Callie! Don't ask Dad things like that."
"But I need to know, Ade! I need to be prepared! I need to know what to tell the twins if – if –"
"If what?"
"If they come home and Mummy doesn't."
Callie's voice had dropped in that statement, as though it had forgotten how to work.
"She will come home," said Adrianna. "Get your morbid curiosity in check and don't bother Dad with such questions."
"What's a 'morbid curiosity'?"
"Look it up in one of the many dictionaries we have around here."
Callie's question had tortured Adrianna's mind.
She was painfully aware that she had stripped her mother of her mother's freedoms.
Had she dug an early grave for her, too?
Jeffie had arrived at the perfect moment, the moment when Adrianna desperately needed a distraction from her reeling cogitation.
She liked Jeffie, she thought; though Adrianna didn't like when he would yell at her when she finished off their shared bag.
She announced to her aunt Valerie that she was going to the movies with a friend, which was the truth.
Adrianna didn't specify that the movie would be at his house, or that their choice of refreshment would be one unlikely to be approved by any of the adults who had constantly dropped by her house.
"Have fun," said Valerie, returning to her hushed discussion with David.
"What are you two whispering about?" asked Adrianna.
"We're just working on something," said Valerie.
"We think we have a plan to free Brenda," said David.
"I want to help with the plan," said Adrianna.
"Oh no," said Valerie. "Your mother would have my hide if I let you get involved with this, and your father wouldn't be too grateful, either. Keep on being a kid, Ade. The adults have got it."
She wasn't a kid.
She couldn't be a kid.
Kids didn't get their mothers the death penalty.
She thought about asking Valerie about Callie's question, if doing so would not have kept Jeffie waiting.
Jeffie didn't like to be kept waiting, as he had told Adrianna several different times over the course of their –
Was it a friendship that they had?
"I'm not bringing Ruby in on this plan either," said David. "If at any point, part of the plan is something you kids can do, we'll let you know but for now, as your aunt said, we've got it covered."
"We're not kids," said Adrianna.
"We know that," said Val, "and normally, I'd be the first one to stand up for your teenage rights –"
"So would your dad," said David.
"- but this is a lot more complicated than you should be dealing with, Ade. So go on, have fun. I think your ride is here."
Her aunt wouldn't have been so quick to tell her to have fun if she knew the kind of fun Adrianna planned to have.
Her aunt and uncle wouldn't have tried to keep her a child if they knew what she had done to her mother.
They would have hated her, the way Adrianna had come to hate herself.
They would have judged her, as she judged herself.
If she had controlled her impulses a little more, Gina wouldn't have been pushed.
On the other hand, if Gina hadn't been the one to fall, then Brenda may have, instead.
"This brings me back," Adrianna heard as she neared the door.
"What brings you back?"
"Us. Hanging out."
"We're not hanging out. We're on a mission."
"We were on a mission when we hung out in my car, too."
"If you're referring to the time you drove me to the hospital, I told you I didn't need a ride because Steve would be coming to pick me up at any minute."
"And if I had listened to you, you would've dropped Kai out right there in the middle of a sand dune considering Steve got stuck in rush hour traffic and almost didn't make it to the hospital in time."
"I did tell you I could drive myself."
"Yeah, before you promptly bowled over and lost the ability to walk. That wasn't going to happen. You would've fallen in the sand. Probably would've twisted your ankle."
"Did you ever tell Donna? That you drove me?"
Didn't have to, said David, as Donna had figured it out on her own.
"My ongoing feelings for you aren't the reason my marriage ended, but they didn't make the marriage easy for Donna, either," said David.
"Stop right there. You did not have 'ongoing feelings' for me."
"Val, I sat in that car, imagining you were in labor with our son. That isn't normal. That isn't okay, not for a married man with a toddler. I loved Donna; I did, I still do, but fuck, Val, you were the most attractive woman in the world to me."
"It's just because of my ginormous titties. You probably couldn't stop looking at them, the way Steve couldn't stop looking at them, and they probably kept heaving out more with every contraction."
"You're still the most attractive woman in the world."
"We aren't here to talk about the past, David, or to bestow compliments upon each other. We didn't work out for a reason and that's that. I'm focusing on Bren's future. You need to, too."
Adrianna still couldn't leave, not when they had brought up her mother.
"I had a thought," said David, "and I thought it might be better to run it by you before I bring it up to Dylan."
"I don't think I'm exactly the best person to tell your thoughts. You know I'm only working with you on this because the boys practically made me do it. Don't get me started on Donna and Kelly, both of who were no help at all, or that guy who calls himself my brother who just had to get Kai involved."
"Working with me isn't that bad, Val. Living with me wasn't too bad either, was it?"
"That wasn't living with you. That was you being around for a few days, until Dylan said our nieces could return home."
"We shared a bed."
"We did not. You crawled in, claiming you were cold."
"Did you think that maybe I did that because I heard you crying? That maybe I was trying to comfort you, knowing that your emotions about Bren being in jail are probably on par with Brandon's? He has Kelly to comfort him and there's no reason you shouldn't have someone to comfort you, too."
"Someone meaning you?"
"We've always been able to comfort each other when it's needed."
"David, if you want Gina to believe you've got a thing going with her, you can't come around trying to comfort me."
"It's Gina that I've been thinking about," said David.
"Good, then your fake plan is working," said Valerie, a bit more crankily than Adrianna had expected to hear. "Where did you tell Gina you are tonight?"
"We haven't progressed to the nightly sleepover part of this relationship."
"Is that what we're calling sex now?"
"Would you just let me talk?" said David.
"By all means," said Val.
"She was fine," said David. "Her and the baby, they were both fine. Yeah, she started having a lot of pain again and Dylan pissed her off enough to get kicked out of the room, but when he left to go back to the LAPD, I was still there and she was feeling better. I asked if she wanted me to stay. She said I didn't have to so I went to get Ruby and then next thing I know, Gina's lost the baby?"
"It happens, David. She had a bad fall. The baby wasn't going to survive that."
"Maybe," said David.
"Maybe?"
"I'm just not convinced it's the fall that was responsible for the loss of that baby."
"You think it was something else? Like what?"
"That's what I'm trying to figure out, which is why I'm not sure I should present this to Dylan or Brandon before I have more of a concrete theory. I can't tell Steve because he'll bound over to tell them and I can't tell Kel because she'll go straight to Brandon."
"You could have told Donna."
"She'd go to Kel. I'm telling you because I know you can keep this to yourself, for now."
"David, if you're right, that means Brenda doesn't have to have a trial at all. She can get released without ever facing the Judge! How can I keep that to myself?"
"'Cause if I'm not right, all those hopes will get raised for nothing, including Bren's."
"There's no love lost between Gina, her former boyfriend, and Brenda. I guess it's possible she's lying about this."
"I don't think she's lying about this."
"You don't?"
"I think she's lying about how Dylan knocked her up, but I do think she genuinely believes that her fall is the reason her baby is gone."
"Then she isn't going to drop the charges against Bren. She'll accuse us of covering for Bren."
"That's where you come in. Do that thing you do where you get people to tell you shit they don't want to tell anyone."
"That's you, David."
"It's both of us."
"I'm already trying to get Gina to spill about that night between her and Dyl."
"So just drop a few hints and maybe, I dunno, we'll find out LL dropped by the hospital and they argued."
"LL? Let Bren be stashed away behind bars, knowing full well the fall didn't kill that baby? That tracks." Valerie paused. "Did you hear the door click? I think Ade left it open."
"Really? She doesn't usually leave doors open."
Adrianna closed the door with little force, her mind catapulting from what she had heard.
Could it be true? Could something other than the fall have been the reason her sibling was taken?
Adrianna thought over all the seconds she had spent with Jeffie, perfecting her snorting skills as a method to shut out the internal accusations that she had killed her sibling and permitted her mother to be housed in the jail Adrianna should have been housed in.
"My aunt and uncle think my mum can get released, without a trial," she told Jeffie.
"That's great news!" said Jeffie. "Can I have more powder, bae?"
He often called her that.
Bae.
She had found the term to be infinitely inferior to love, Aiden's preferred endearment for her.
Bae seemed to be a favorite endearment amongst the pupils of West Beverly High, or at least amongst guys like Jeffie.
Adrianna couldn't see a guy like Navid Shirazi or Dixon Wilson ever calling anyone bae.
She hadn't seen much of either outside of school, since most of her free time had become occupied by Jeffie.
Her other mates were still quite present in her life, as all of their parents had ensured they would be.
Probably because her other mates weren't just mates or just her cousins.
They were the siblings that Callie could have been, if she wasn't Callie.
Jeffie tapped out the powder, whiffing it up as he gestured to Adrianna whether she would like more.
"I think I should consider stopping," said Adrianna. "If I don't, Mum will catch on to this when she gets out."
"Has your dad caught on?" asked Jeffie.
"I can't be sure my dad is even on the same planet right now," said Adrianna.
"You've been getting the money from somewhere."
"A small balance, tucked away, accumulated from birthdays and Christmases and that sort of thing."
"Must be one insane balance, for you to keep affording all this happy dust," said Jeffie, swinging his arm around Adrianna's waist. "This stuff don't come cheap, you know."
"Happy dust?" asked Adrianna. "I thought we call it snow."
"You can call it whatever you wanna call it, bae. And you don't need to stop now. This isn't the kind of stuff your parents could access back in the nineteen hundreds. They make it way easier to stop this stuff now. Like, I've stopped and started and stopped again, many times since I turned twelve. Easy-peasy. Just tell yourself you'll stop and you will. It's like magic."
"Easy-peasy magic," Adrianna echoed.
If Jeffie could stop that easily, she could as well.
Adrianna hovered her nose over the snow, letting it fill her nostrils.
The movie title flickered across the laptop screen, forgotten.
"Jeffie?" she asked.
"You gotta let the high come to you, bae," said Jeffie. He sat peacefully, riding out the high Adrianna knew from experience would shortly be invading her own body to take over her senses and control her worries.
"Would you like to meet my dad?" she asked. "I think he'd like you. My uncles might like to meet you, too."
"Oh, uh, meeting the 'rentals and extendeds?" Jeffie laughed nervously. "That's really not my style."
"My dad and I have always been very close," Adrianna explained. "When I was growing up, we didn't have a lot of our family around since they were mostly over here, so it was just Mum, me, and Dad and…then Callie. I've not hid things from my dad before like this. It feels strange, to hide things from him."
She wasn't overly fond of hiding things from her uncles, either.
"What are you hiding?" asked Jeffie. "You haven't – you haven't gotten the wrong impression that me and you are together; have you, London girl?"
"I haven't," said Adrianna. "I was just thinking it might be nice for him to know that I've made friends outside of my cousins and their friends."
"Friends," said Jeffie. "Yeah, friends. I like that. I mean, don't get me wrong, you're hot as fuck, but the dating thing? I don't do it."
"I really don't appeal to you that way?"
"Dating doesn't appeal to me." Jeffie cracked his knuckles. "At all. But if you're ever interested in a casual hookup, I'm your guy."
"I've not done that," said Adrianna. "Hooked up. I think I'm the last of my cousins who've not."
"See, this is why I can't meet your dad," said Jeffie. "'Cause if me and you hook up, he's not gonna wanna meet the guy banging his little girl. Boyfriends meet dads. I'm not your boyfriend."
Jeffie did have a point there. He was far more knowledgeable about those topics than Adrianna was, having lived a life wilder than hers, and so Adrianna quieted down to let herself be taken for a ride.
"That's how you can get the free dust," said Jeffie, nearly at a level Adrianna couldn't hear despite her pronounced hearing. "Slip out of those clothes, and I'll give you all the free dust you want."
It should have been an unexacting decision.
Give herself to Jeffie, destroy her status as the only virgin amongst her cousins, and acquire additional snow in the process, without lifting a further penny from her barely-dwindled bank balance.
Except, Adrianna had grown up with the stories of her parents, and the stories of her parents' friends.
Her mother hadn't given herself to Adrianna's father until they had both been certain they were in love. Adrianna had always believed she would take after her mother that way.
Jeffie wasn't in love with her. She wasn't in love with him.
Was she being too stingy, waiting to give herself to a boy who loved her? Was it an unattainable goal?
What if no boy would, none that she would return that love to, and she would have scoffed at the only opportunity she had to secure a free supply?
She knew what Naomi would do.
Naomi would have agreed to the hookup.
Could she be more like Naomi?
Adrianna was beginning to lose interest in her classes, or at least the classes that dragged on to the point of boredom when she could have been cartwheeling amongst the clouds with Jeffie.
She requested a pass for the toilets, cringing when she was reminded that it was a bathroom.
But there is no bath in it, Adrianna wanted to point out and may have done, had it not been Ryan Matthews granting her the privilege of using the toilet.
Concealed behind the stall door, Adrianna inhaled a bit of snow, just enough to get her through the rest of that day's classes.
She had calculated how much she could inhale during the day without raising suspicion from those around her.
Maths was not usually her strong suit, but the calculation had been correct thus far.
"Adrianna? I, uh, saw you come in."
She hadn't heard anyone enter in behind her.
Removing her compact mirror from her small backpack purse, Adrianna used her makeup to cover any signs of her bathroom activity.
Checking over her neck before she put the mirror back in her purse, Adrianna decided it was best to also cover up the tiny bruise left by Jeffie when he had come down off of his latest high.
He hadn't meant anything by it.
She had just been too close to him.
He had said that the last time, too.
"It's just, I haven't seen you around that much lately and I've been thinking about you and your family a lot."
Adrianna flushed the empty toilet, walked over to the sink, and started to wash her hands.
"So how – how are you?"
"Better than my dad," said Adrianna, "but that isn't saying much. And you? How is your mum? Is she working?"
"She's been temporarily hired on by your aunt, actually," said Annie Wilson. "Mrs. Malone must have heard about Mom's event planning work she did in college and thought Mom would be a good addition to the team."
"She isn't a Mrs," said Adrianna, "and you can probably call her Val like the rest of us."
"I'd ask how your mom is," said Annie, "but –"
"But it's blasted all over the papers."
"Except Brenda McKay wouldn't do what they're saying she did. I know she wouldn't."
"She didn't," said Adrianna.
Could she open up to Annie? Could she tell her what she hadn't told Naomi, what her parents hadn't told anyone?
"I've been putting it all over Twitter," said Annie. "I'm not sure anyone actually reads my tweets, but I am making sure anyone who does knows that Brenda has been falsely accused."
"You have that much faith in my mum?" asked Adrianna. "I mean, I do, but she's my mum."
And I'm the one who pushed Gina, not her.
"I know it may sound silly," said Annie, "but your mom's oeuvre has got me through some of the hardest times in my life. Like that episode when her grandma died, that was right around the time my grandma died and yeah, okay, maybe she was just portraying a character saying lines written by a writer, but it was the way she conveyed the script, you know? Like she knew exactly what I was going through, like she was reaching out of the screen and we were hugging together in our grief. God, that sounds crazy. I know you shouldn't idolize celebrities and it's not that I idiolize her, but she just…she means so much to me and I hate that she is going through this. And your dad! I can't even count how many times I've read his books. They mean just as much to me as your mom's stuff. Neither of them should be going through this."
"They shouldn't," Adrianna agreed, "but they are. Because of me."
"Because of you?" asked Annie, tilting her head in bemusement.
"There you are. Mr. Matthews tried to tell CJ to come get you, but I said I would. Of course, then I left before he agreed that I could, so I'm probably in trouble with him now. Oh well."
"What do you mean, because of you?" asked Annie, despite Naomi's presence.
"Are you okay, girl?" Naomi looked Adrianna over. "You don't look so hot."
"What? No, I'm fine." Adrianna gave a small laugh, hoping it didn't come out as rattled as she.
"If you're fine, then we really should get back to class, Ade," said Naomi. "Oh and dad wants to know if you're free to come over after school today."
"Why?" asked Adrianna, who had planned to spend the remainder of the afternoon at Jeffie's.
"Because Grandma dropped off leftovers, probably to try to bribe him to talk to Grandpa, and we have more than enough to share with you."
"I'm not talking to Grandma right now. She upset Dad and I don't talk to people who upset my dad."
Her uncle Brandon was an exception, as Adrianna had a special relationship with her uncle Brandon.
She had walked into the bungalow several times to find Brandon in discussion with her father, leading Adrianna to conclude that either their fight had come to an end, or they had called a temporary truce to focus on her mother.
"Neither am I, but I won't turn down her leftovers," said Naomi.
Adrianna asked why Naomi wasn't speaking with their grandmother Walsh.
"Because Grandma's upset Mom and Dad won't talk to Grandpa and I don't want to get involved," said Naomi.
"Why aren't your parents talking to your grandpa?" asked Annie.
"If you knew our grandpa, you'd understand," said Naomi.
"He hates my dad," said Adrianna.
"He does not hate your dad," said Naomi.
"You're right, he doesn't hate Dad; he just belittles Dad every chance he gets," said Adrianna. "All because of who dad's dad was. Grandpa was just waiting for Dad to cock it up with Mum so he could blast Dad for it and now that he's convinced Dad did cock it up, he got an excuse."
"You said cock," Naomi giggled.
"Cock it up," Adrianna said more slowly.
Naomi continued to giggle.
"Who was your dad's dad?" asked Annie.
A man her Nana Iris rarely spoke of, said Adrianna; one her father did speak of, on occasion.
Naomi told Adrianna they should return to class if she wanted to avoid another detention.
Platform heels clacked against abraded linoleum as Naomi walked away.
Adrianna made to follow her out the door when Annie again spoke up.
"I was going to ask if you were interested in running lines," she said. "Since I'm your understudy, I thought it might be good for us to work together on that."
"Sure," said Adrianna. "I'll check my schedule and let you know my availability."
"That works," said Annie. "Do you have foundation handy?"
She did, said Adrianna, sharing her foundation.
"You missed a spot, right here." Annie dabbed at Adrianna's neck. "Must have been a nasty bruise."
"I don't know what you're on about," said Adrianna.
"Naomi's right, you know. You don't look too hot. You may want to add a bit more blush, if you don't want anyone to notice your lack of color."
"I - I was born with a lack of color. So was my mum. Pale skin runs in the family."
"You have pale skin, Ade, but this is paler than that. Dixon's good at this sort of thing."
"What sort of thing?"
"Helping people through addictions."
Had she missed more than one spot?
Adrianna had thought she had cleared away all evidence.
"I do not have an addiction," she said.
"Okay, chica. Whatever you say." Annie held up her hands. "But if you do need to open up to someone about it; like I said, Dixon's a good place to start. He knows a thing or two about handling addiction."
"I do believe you are extremely confused. If you'll pardon me, I have to get back to class."
"My brother likes you, Adrianna, a lot," said Annie. "I'm not supposed to tell you that, but he does and if you're struggling, Dixon will want to help you out in some way."
"It's my mum who's struggling," said Adrianna, "not I." She realized what Annie had said. "He likes me?" she asked.
"You haven't noticed?"
"He's been great working with on our class project, but he – he fancies me?"
"Don't tell him I told you. Just remember what I said."
Adrianna could not stop thinking about what Annie had said.
She thought of it throughout the rest of the day, and on into the room where she set down her overstuffed bag.
Her mother's bedroom had become the place for her to do her homework, the place in the house that carried the most presence of her mother.
Usually, that was, as her mother's bedroom was already occupied.
"Dad?"
"Yes, baby?"
"You're smiling."
"Am I?" Dylan asked, stretched out beneath Brenda's covers.
"You are," said Adrianna. "It's that smile that wraps around your entire face. Did you get to see Mum today?"
"Ah," Dylan paused the television, "you could say that."
"So you did get to see her?"
"Sort of."
Adrianna took note of the picture on the telly.
"Mum," she said.
"Andrea's her new doctor," said Dylan. "She got them to agree to let her film Brenda's appointments, under the guise of doing a research study. She sent me over this video and; I dunno, I'm having a hard time trying to get in to see Bren so I just…kind of wanted to see her face."
"You don't have to explain to me, Daddy. Can I watch, too?"
"You shouldn't. Bren wouldn't like it."
"Does it give much away about the jail?"
"She's in a room, a nondescript room, but she's in uniform and they – they left a cuff on her…"
"I'd like to watch, Daddy. Please."
Her father had always had difficulty declining requests from any of his girls, which Adrianna was not above using to her advantage if it would allow her to peek in on her mother.
"Yeah, alright." Dylan scooched over for Adrianna to sit beside him. "But don't tell her I agreed to this."
"Mum's the word," said Adrianna.
She tried to get comfortable, as comfortable as she could be watching her mother in jail.
"She's," Adrianna searched for the word, "thin. Does she look thin to you? Not in her stomach, but -"
"In her face," said Dylan. "Yeah. She's thin."
Adrianna's aunt Erica possessed a quietly simmering rage, one Erica had claimed she had inherited from her brother.
If her dad did have a quietly simmering rage, Adrianna rarely saw it.
As Dylan's eyes stayed on Brenda, Adrianna saw it.
"Leave it to Bren to mix pallid and sallow," he said. "You're looking a bit pallid yourself, darlin'. You aren't coming down with something, are you?"
"It's the lighting," said Adrianna. "Maybe it's the lighting for Mum, too."
"Yeah, maybe," said Dylan tonelessly. "I swear, if those motherfuckers aren't feeding her enough," he swore under his breath.
"She has gained a lot," Adrianna said as a means of trying to cheer up her father. "Her belly didn't look like that when we saw her last. Does that mean the twins are growing okay?"
"Alright, Brenda, you're in for a scan, aren't you?" asked Andrea's televised voice.
"Yes, I think I'm due for one," said Brenda.
"Overdue, from my records," said Andrea. "I should tell you, this is being recorded. Do you consent to that? It's for science."
"Well, if it's for science, then I guess I'll consent to it," said Brenda.
Satisfied with the professional exchange, the warden announced it acceptable to leave them alone.
"Oh my God." Brenda broke down, quietly so as to not draw unwanted attention. "Oh my God, I'm so happy to see you."
His facial muscles tensing, Dylan brought Adrianna closer to him.
"We haven't given up, honey." Andrea crossed her arms around Brenda. "We haven't, and we aren't going to. Your husband and your brother have rallied the troops, and we're prepared to fight this battle for as long as we need to."
"You're my doctor?" asked Brenda.
"I'm your doctor," said Andrea. "A certain LA journalist's idea."
"And this recording, it will be watched?"
"I will bring it before my peers, yes."
"Then let's do this," said Brenda.
She lay back, exposing them to a clearer image of how much weight she had gained.
"That must be as big as Mum's going to get," said Adrianna.
"Why do you say that?" asked Dylan.
"Because look at her!" Adrianna waved towards the screen.
"Hey, there's two in there," said Dylan. "They might want to see how far your Mum can stretch out, like Mrs. Incredible."
"That movie is so 2000's," said Adrianna.
"The Incredibles is a masterpiece," said Dylan.
Andrea searched for heartbeats, as Adrianna sought one of her own.
Rapid instrumentation sounded near her head.
She laced her fingers through Dylan's.
"They're healthy, Dad," she told him. "Mum and the twins, they're healthy."
"I just need to hear Andrea say it," he said, eyes soldered to the screen.
"Everything's in order," said Andrea. "Though I daresay you could use more nourishment. Any interest in some latkes?" She removed a small wrapped package from the inner pocket of her rain jacket.
"How did you get this through?" asked Brenda.
"Told them it was my lunch," said Andrea. "It is. I just happen to be sharing it."
"Grandma Rose's recipe?" asked Brenda.
"Are there any other latkes?" asked Andrea.
Brenda devoured her half of Andrea's lunch.
"More where that came from," said Andrea. "It would seem my assumption was correct. You're not eating enough. I will have to talk to them about that, maybe point out how they're on the verge of a lawsuit already –"
"They are?"
"You didn't think Dylan would let them get away with this treatment of you, did you?"
"You tell her, Andrea!" Dylan yelled out. "They tell me one more time that I can't see Brenda and I'm suing the asses off every single one of them. Every. Single. One."
"Weren't you supposed to see her this morning?" asked Adrianna.
"I was," said Dylan, "but they called and said Brenda was too ill for today's meeting. Does she look ill to you? I don't fucking think so!"
"He was supposed to come this morning," Brenda told Andrea. "Can't imagine what kept him."
"Those shitheads at the jail!" said Dylan.
"Maybe he decided it would be too hard to see me," said Brenda. "You may have heard we aren't exactly together."
"It would be too hard to see her," said Dylan, "but I would have still done it!"
"I heard something in that vein, yes," said Andrea. "Though I am having a bit of difficulty grasping what brought this on, since every time I see you two together, I'm immediately taken back to the quad."
"I thought Brandon told you about Gina," said Brenda.
"He did and of course I was repulsed that Dylan could do that to you, again, but…Brenda, I've thought about it and thought about it and I just don't think he did."
"Hallelujah, another believer," said Dylan.
Brenda asked if the video was still recording. Andrea asked if she should stop recording. Brenda requested such. Dylan voiced immense displeasure at Andrea's agreement.
The recording played on nevertheless.
"God love ya, Andrea," said Dylan.
"Doesn't that mean Andrea's now recording Mum without her consent?" asked Adrianna. "Isn't that illegal?"
"Not if it stays between us," said Dylan. "Bren probably deduced Andrea's giving this to me, so she probably knows the recording didn't stop."
"I want to believe he didn't," said Brenda. "I think I do believe that, but…every time Dylan's lied to me, there's been something deeper at play, something shaky about our relationship we aren't willing to face, and he did it again, Andrea. He lied."
"About Gina?"
"He says he had one scotch. Just one."
"You think he had more than one?"
"It doesn't matter how many he had. It matters that the only reason I know he had any is because I agreed to watch a security tape with him to allow him to prove that he didn't sleep with Gina. If I hadn't watched the tape, I wouldn't know about the scotch. I just – what if I forgive him and he keeps lying to me? I can't shake this idea that there's some crack between us we've been dancing around all this time and…"
"This isn't like London," said Dylan. "C'mon, baby, you've got to believe me that this isn't a repeat of London."
"London?" asked Adrianna.
"Er – nineties London," said Dylan.
"You and Mum broke up in nineties London."
"That we did. It - it took a lot for Bren to trust me again and now, I went and cocked it all up all over again."
"But not because of Gina."
"Not because of Gina, no, but my wife can't trust me, and that's on me."
"That's how Jesse and I ended," said Andrea. "The lies. Mostly on my end."
"Don't do it," said Dylan. "Don't ask her."
Brenda asked Andrea when she had known her marriage to Congress hopeful Jesse Vasquez had become unsalvageable.
"When he would go on business trips and I wouldn't think of him," said Andrea. "I stopped missing him. Stopped dreaming about him. Stopped caring to tell him things, unless it was about Hannah. Is that the place you and Dylan are in?"
"No," said Dylan.
"I mean, we've known each other for over half of our lives," said Brenda, "and I've loved him for almost the duration of that. There's also the small detail of them." She pointed to her stomach. "I'd like to see him, for them."
"Isn't just for them," said Dylan. "You want to fuck me, Brenda, and you know it."
"Dad!"
"Is it because I said fuck?"
"You're talking about shagging my mum!"
"How do you think you're here?"
"Daddy!"
"Okay, okay; sorry."
"I don't think I'll get an accurate idea of any of that until my body is free of remnants of him," Brenda told Andrea.
"Your body won't ever be free of remnants of me," said Dylan. "I'm planted in you, baby, so deep you'll never be able to get me out."
That, Adrianna decided, was her cue to leave.
"Dad, can I go over to Naomi's?" she asked.
"Admit it, Bren," said Dylan. "Admit your body craves my remnants."
"Dad?"
"Huh? Oh yeah, yeah, that's fine," said Dylan. He turned his focus onto her. "Ade, before you go, I just wanted to remind you that you can tell your mum and I anything. You know that, right?"
"I do, Daddy."
"Good, as long as you know that."
"Did you think I didn't?"
"It's just something your uncle said," said Dylan. "Not that I think much of it. But just in case." His eyes returned to the screen. "Admit it, Brenda!"
"I'm not sure that's an option," Andrea spoke from the screen.
"It was an option for you and Jesse," said Brenda.
"You cannot compare us to Andrea and Jesse," Dylan commentated.
"I wouldn't say your relationship with Dylan is comparable to my relationship with Jesse," said Andrea.
"Thank you, Andrea," said Dylan. "You just earned yourself the world's most expensive Hanukkah gift."
Andrea told Brenda that she had been given a glimpse of her record.
"My understanding is if your good behavior keeps up," Andrea forced out in a statement that must have been painful for anyone, let alone a staunch feminist, to say, "they may permit you to apply for a family visit."
"A family visit?" asked Dylan and Brenda, at once.
"You would be permitted thirty to forty hours alone, with the person of your choice," said Andrea.
"Better be me," said Dylan.
"I heard some whispering that I might be headed to Death Row," said Brenda. "Do you know about –"
Dylan froze the screen.
"You might want to get going to your uncle's now," he said.
"Would Mum really get Death Row?" asked Adrianna, her eyes welling.
"Not if I can help it," said Dylan. Determination glazed through his eyes. "Your mum will not get the death penalty, Ade. I will let them give it to me before I ever let them give it to her."
No longer keen to do her homework but knowing she should, Adrianna brought it with her to Naomi's.
She estimated she had a slim amount of time to finish her homework before Naomi would come in wanting to chat.
"Are you hungry, sweetie?" asked Kelly, dishing out rice from a crockpot of what could only be Cindy Walsh's leftovers.
"Sure am," said Brandon, entering in from the two-car garage. He slipped his arm around Kelly to drop a kiss on her neck. "But I don't think rice is satisfactory for the type of hunger I have."
"Brandon!" Kelly playfully swatted him with a nylon ladle. "I was talking to our niece."
"Oh sorry, Ade," said Brandon. "I didn't see you there."
"No bother, Uncle Brandon." Adrianna pushed aside her homework, digging into the plate Kelly made up for her.
"Are you not eating enough?" asked Brandon worriedly.
"Mum isn't eating enough," said Adrianna. She covered her mouth. "Oh, I don't know if I was meant to tell you that."
"Bren isn't eating enough?" asked Brandon. He threw down his napkin and slapped at the table. "I knew it, Kel! I called it! Didn't I call it?"
"Called what?" asked Adrianna.
"Your uncle feels that your mom's situation is a bit…suspicious," said Kelly.
"A bit suspicious is putting it lightly," said Brandon. "It's like they're purposely doing everything they can to drain her of every bit of fight she might have, and I want to know why." He took in a forkful of rice. "You were there," he told Adrianna. "Did you see Brenda push Gina?"
Adrianna had been warned by her parents to not tell anyone what she had done.
She couldn't lie to her uncle. He had made a career out of interrogating people.
If he interrogated her, she would crack; she knew it.
"Brandon," Kelly chided. "We don't need to bring Ade into this. Bren did what she had to do to protect her family."
"Yeah, they keep saying that," said Brandon, "but what does it mean?"
"It means Brenda did what she had to do to –"
"I know you don't buy for one second that Bren pushed Gina," said Brandon.
"Of course not," said Kelly. "I still think Gina threw herself down. It's classic Gina, to pull a stunt like that."
"Bren said she didn't."
"Bren's too nice for her own good, and I'm speaking from experience. If I told you half of the things Gina did to Donna before they knew they were sisters –"
Adrianna requested to be excused.
If she hadn't been under the roof of her uncle's household, she may have headed to the bathroom to open her bag for the second time that day.
Brandon would bust her immediately, she was sure.
"Ade, hey."
"Oh, hi, Sammy." Adrianna looked up from her phone and the blank text she had opened to send to Jeffie to ask for a replenishment. "I didn't know you were staying here tonight."
"Mom said Grandma sent over leftovers," said Samuel Walsh. He shook out his long fringe, unearthing eyes shaded in a clearer blue than his parents'. "Figured it beats cafeteria food. I think she's trying to bribe Dad to get your dad to talk to Grandpa, but I doubt that's gonna happen since Dad doesn't even want to talk to Grandpa."
"I think Dad would prefer to never speak with Grandpa again," said Adrianna.
"Dad thinks so, too," said Sammy. "But we'll leave that drama to the older grownups. Is everything alright with you? I mean, aside from this shit with Auntie Bren."
"Of course," said Adrianna, "why do you ask?"
"Because I've never seen you look this scared."
"I look scared?"
"You look like you just got busted for something. What did you get busted for?"
"N – nothing."
Going to Casa Walsh that night had been a bad idea; a truly horrendous idea.
"It's a boy, isn't it?" asked Sammy.
"A boy?" asked Adrianna.
"I've lived with a boy-crazy sister for sixteen years," said Sammy. "I know the signs. You like someone?"
"Why are you interrogating Adrianna?"
"I wasn't interrogating her," said Sammy.
"Was he interrogating you?" asked Naomi.
"He was making small talk," said Adrianna.
"You chose the wrong person to make small talk with," said Naomi. "She's my best friend. Go talk to your own."
"I'm so glad I live on campus," said Sammy.
"I'm glad you do, too," said Naomi. "Maybe you should go back there."
"I'm gonna wish really hard for Auntie Bren to have a boy, because this family has way too many girls," said Sammy.
"There is Kai," said Naomi.
"Did I tell you I wished you'd been born a boy?" asked Sammy.
"Many times," said Naomi, "including in that speech you gave at my sixth-grade brother/sister luncheon Mom made you go to."
"That was a glorious speech," said Sammy.
"Maybe I should go home," said Adrianna.
"Oh no you don't," said Naomi. "This is a sleepover."
"I thought I was invited for the leftovers."
"You were, so I could get you here for a sleepover. Ruby's coming, Mads is in town, and I even invited Annie for you, plus some of the other girls from school. Ruby's bringing some of Aunt Donna's desserts, but wait until you hear the disaster of the kitchen Aunt Donna made when she tried to cook dinner earlier!"
"Annie?" asked Sammy. "Who's Annie?"
"Back off," said Naomi.
"It's just a question," said Sammy.
"Should I remind you of when I asked just a question about your roommate and you told me to back off?"
"I'm not having my little sister hook up with my roommate."
"Cool, then I'm not having my big bro hook up with our cousin's friend."
"I wasn't planning on it."
"See that you don't."
If Adrianna left fast enough, she could still make it to Jeffie's.
"I don't know if a sleepover is such a good idea," she said. "Dad might not have eaten and I could bring him over some of the leftovers; plus I have all this homework I still have to do, and I should probably make sure Callie finishes hers –"
"It was your dad's idea," Naomi interrupted.
"It was?" asked Adrianna.
"More Mom's idea, but your dad thought it was a good one," said Naomi. "Aunt Donna's sending over her manicurist, Mom got all the junk food you can imagine, and I've got a whole stack of rom-coms. Then tomorrow, Mom said we could go to The Grove and buy anything we want."
"I'm not sure I'm in the mood for a sleepover," said Adrianna.
"Are you in the mood for Colin Firth?" asked Naomi.
Adrianna was always in the mood for Colin Firth, a fact of which Naomi was well-aware.
Jeffie wasn't her boyfriend; he had said so himself.
She could go one night without a top-up.
Just one night.
She'd get more the next day.
Whether the stash would be free or paid for, she was still debating.
She could subtract it from her life with little to no hassle.
Jeffie had said so.
And Dixon Wilson, who apparently fancied her, had experience with addictions.
Which Adrianna did not have.
Not at all.
As Jeffie had said, she could stop anytime she wanted.
Anytime.
-x
DnV's conversation inspired by Brian talking about Tiffani again, at 90s Con. *snickers*
My Lore has begun a new story for BD and BK: Back to the past (by Beverlybeat.)
The busy season is upon me again (busier than most of my busy seasons,) so there may possibly be infrequent updates between now and December (I will try my best, but no promises; though if the writing continues consistently, I will be pleasantly surprised) on random days between Sundays and Wednesdays.
Sources: Google and the websites for California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation, Oxford Owl for Home, and yes, I once again used a passage from Lucy Maud Montgomery's Anne of Green Gables.
(Shout-out to KJ to express my continued gratitude and appreciation, as well as those of you whose review I could respond to directly [Crystal, I will respond to you at some point!] KJ, thank you! You know the gang always manages to find a way to be pivotal in my stories, especially when they can help Brenda haha. Jail is certainly giving Bren plenty of time to think and most of her thoughts may be about one individual in particular, to her chagrin. Brenda I think would be the most observant of all of them about Adrianna and since she can't be, Brandon would be the second-most. Dylan, of course, is in firm denial, though he may be catching on. About whether Brenda saw Laura...time will tell!)
Thanks a million!
