and sings the tune without the words
by Rose Thorne
Disclaimer: MDZS/The Untamed are not mine.
Chapter Thirteen
Jiang-guniang,
I apologize that it has taken me so much time to write you a letter after what happened with your brother when Wen Ruohan attacked him. I am actually not supposed to be writing to you, as both of my parents are angry with yours because they are harboring two of my father's former paramours and two of my half brothers. So I've elected to send a letter through my friend Luo Qingyang, and responses can be sent to the Luo Inn in Lanling. She'll get them to me.
Hopefully your brother is okay—it sounded like he is, but it's not what my parents are discussing, so I wanted to make sure. What happened is terrifying, and is another reminder that resentful energy is nothing to be trifled with, something the late Wen-zongzhu seemed to have forgotten.
It's shocking that they would put him on trial as though he murdered Wen-zongzhu, when clearly he has no ability to direct that sort of thing. I'm glad he was cleared of the accusation.
If I'm honest, I'm uncomfortable with the situation my parents are angry about, but it's not because I agree with them. Fuqin wants the women but cares not for the children, and he keeps ranting about your mother closing down brothels in Yunmeng. Muqin… if I had to guess, would like them all to disappear. Which is almost worse.
This is the first I've known that my father's embarrassing dalliances had resulted in children, but I'm not naive enough to believe they're the only offspring. I guess I never considered how Muqin might blame them for the circumstances of their births.
For a long time I wanted siblings, and it's disappointing to know that I have them but will never be allowed contact with them. They're as close as Lotus Cove, but they may as well be outside the jianghu entirely.
Apologies. I didn't expect the emotions this has stirred and I don't mean to dump them on you. I'm glad your parents are keeping these women and their children safe, as they regrettably would not be in Jinlin Tai. I don't know when my parents might calm down, or if they ever will.
I do wish to continue to correspond with you, regardless of the circumstances between our parents. I'm enclosing several konghou scores that you may enjoy learning, which I found in the library.
Jin Zixuan
Jin-gongzi,
I was surprised and pleased to receive your letter, though I can see why it took time to receive. I am sorry there is strife between our families, though I do believe my parents are doing the right thing, taking in Meng-ayi and Mo-guniang and their sons. I'm given to understand your fuqin left them to live in somewhat terrible conditions.
You are not your parents, just as I am not mine. Our decisions can be different from our parents, as can our characters. You are already making different decisions in choosing to keep corresponding, and I'm glad you did. I will continue sending letters to Luo Inn for your friend to give to you.
A-Xian is recovered, though he remembers nothing of Wen-zongzhu's visit. According to Kang-daifu, he tried to forcibly pull the curse out of A-Xian, which could have killed my brother. If it was a choice, I choose A-Xian surviving and preferably thriving. His attempt to manipulate the curse led to a deadly backlash and actually destroyed the entire infirmary! We were very lucky only Wen-zongzhu was killed and the only injuries were to his sons. Even so, A-Xian is sad for the death, though hopefully he doesn't feel culpable.
My understanding is that few mourn Wen-zongzhu. Apparently he was doing more experimentation with yin energy, terrible things, which took the focus off of A-Xian at the resulting Discussion Conference. We were not permitted to attend because of the content after A-Xian was cleared, but we learned more from the servants regardless.
I don't know if you were told that a man from the Jin sect tried to force his way into the family area of Lotus Cove during the Discussion Conference, where multiple children (including A-Xian), Meng-ayi, Mo-guniang, and I were. He took a woman who was delivering the midday meal hostage, but she wears a stiletto and used it to free herself. The man died, in reach of us, so close that I saw the body. It was quite upsetting. We have no idea what his goal was, but my parents are very angry with your fuqin as a result, though he denies all knowledge.
A-Die and A-Niang sent A-Xian to the Cloud Recesses so he'll be safe for the winter. There's a fear that he could be targeted over Wen-zongzhu's death, and I know the Lan will take care of him, though I miss him dearly. He may have already been targeted, from the way the adults are behaving. He has written, and is apparently quite enjoying learning the talismanic arts, so he is at least distracted from what happened.
I'm sorry for the situation this has put you in, and how it has impacted you. I don't know what my life would be like without A-Cheng and A-Xian and A-Lian. I adore my siblings, and the thought of being without is upsetting. One of your brothers is an infant, but if you would like, I can ask your other brother if he wishes to correspond with you. That way you could get to know him through letters as you are with me, and have a relationship with him. He is about your age and only recently started cultivating.
Your feelings about the situation are understandable, but your kindness shines in your desire that your siblings and their mothers be kept safe. I don't know that I can discuss their situations without their permission, but they were not good. At the time we took them in, we didn't know the parentage of their sons, but we wouldn't turn them out just for that.
I am glad you wish to continue our correspondence, as I really enjoy writing to you and receiving your letters. I will send my replies through your friend.
Thank you for the scores. I look forward to learning them.
Jiang Yanli
Jiang-guniang,
I am trying not to be unfilial, but I agree with your parents' actions to protect the mothers of my brothers. Sometimes it is difficult to understand our parents, and this is one such time for me.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm expected to be like my parents in order to be filial. If that would please them. In disobeying them in writing to you, am I dishonoring them? You are the betrothed they selected, so I should continue corresponding regardless; they have not broken it, so the troth supersedes their current temperament, doesn't it? It is difficult to navigate.
The attack on your brother sounds terrible indeed, and perhaps it is best that he doesn't remember it, particularly the way you describe it! Your brother is tremendously empathetic to regret the death of someone who would attack him in such a way.
It's almost unsurprising to learn of Wen-zongzhu's other immoral acts, given his public acts against a child. But to toy with resentful energy… bad precedent aside, it is disrespectful of the dead and unbecoming of a cultivator. I am glad your brother was cleared.
I sincerely apologize that a member of my sect put you in such a dangerous situation. Such a thing is upsetting, as it potentially means my father was behind putting you and your loved ones in danger, regardless of his claim otherwise, and I am truly disgusted. I don't know if being disgusted by the acts one's father commits is filial, but I can't help how I feel.
The adults tend to keep much from us, but I hope your brother hasn't been targeted and can simply enjoy a winter in the Cloud Recesses. I've heard it's beautiful in the winter with the snow, a tranquil place made more serene. Your brother will be safe there, particularly with his betrothed nearby—Lan Wangji is a very talented swordsman even for his age.
Please ask my brother if he will write, as I would be interested in correspondence with him. I think I should like to get to know him as I have you, through letters. Speaking in person can be difficult if one is nervous, particularly if the conversation so important. I have found it easier to express my thoughts in writing, where speaking I have difficulty and often come off as rude or arrogant.
I would have thought your muqin would have reacted differently, given her sworn sisterhood with mine, but I find myself relieved she is instead sheltering them. She has changed from who she first seemed to be.
The letters are something I have come to look forward to, and worth going around my parents. Mianmian—Luo Qingyang—has insisted on being a medium because she has seen I was upset about not being able to write to you.
I look forward to hearing you play them.
Jin Zixuan
Jin-gongzi,
Oh, Mianmian—what a clever nickname. I am glad you have support at Jinlin Tai.
I don't think you are necessarily being unfilial. If they didn't want us to correspond, they would do something more drastic, which would be rather upsetting. You're simply also relieved your parents cannot easily go down ugly paths and harm their reputations. You have the right of it—this temperament will pass, and it's good they cannot act on temporary feelings. You are wishing for the best of your parents.
A-Xian is a very empathetic child, sometimes too much, but that's what his family is for: to protect him when necessary. Wen-zongzhu's death was, dare I say, a relief, for his plans were undoubtedly sinister. Had he not attacked A-Xian and been killed by the backlash, there's no telling what could have happened in the future.
Again, I don't believe you're unfilial for wanting your fuqin to display better behavior if it was him behind the attack. Poor Sisi, the woman who was taken hostage, was quite upset but A-Niang's Pearls have been training her in self-defense in case she needs it again, and that has made her stronger. I believe it might be in my best interest to also train, which is something I will pursue. Our parents are not necessarily who we will become; I believe it is more filial to seek to be better than our parents so that we can succeed them well.
We have received letters from A-Xian extolling the beauty of the Cloud Recesses, so I hope you are right. He seems to very much enjoy it there, aside from the cold—he is sensitive to it after living on the streets for so many years. The remoteness and difficulty of approaching the Cloud Recesses will keep him safe, if there are any who might seek to harm him. I understand the adults wanting us not to worry, but we also must be aware in case of danger.
I have happily asked Meng Yao to write to you, and he has agreed. Please be kind to him, as he has faced much judgment in his life.
Writing is indeed sometimes less difficult than talking because we may draft our ideas and start over if what we want to say isn't getting through on paper. I often come off as shy and too quiet, so I understand completely where you are coming from. It can be so difficult to speak in loaded in-person moments.
I credit A-Xian with the change, as the attack against him seemed to upset her greatly, and she changed from there. There is hope that your muqin can also change, especially since both our mothers value their sworn sisterhood.
I have enclosed several tang you baba for you to enjoy with Mianmian, who I look forward to meeting. If you feel comfortable, please call me Jiang Yanli in the future.
Jiang Yanli
Jin-gongzi,
This one's name is Meng Yao. My muqin, Meng Shi, is from Yunping and until recently was held in servitude at a brothel. I ask that you not judge her, as she was sold to the brothel at a young age and recently saved by Yu-furen and Jiang-zongzhu.
There was a haunting at the brothel but no one would take care of it until they learned of it while visiting Yunping. Then Yu-furen called the brothel a disgrace for keeping the women in debt for their selling price and living there. She shut it down and brought us all to Lotus Pier, where my muqin is now a teacher and is respected.
I am learning cultivation now. I had tried before but the manuals Muqin bought were fakes, so I could never get far. At Lotus Pier, my teachers say I am doing very well despite being somewhat behind. They encourage me to try different cultivation techniques, and assure me I don't have to be a fighter to be a cultivator. Which is good because I'm very slight. I hope to grow stronger here, though.
Musical cultivation and healing cultivation have interested me as possible paths I could take if I choose not to pursue traditional sword cultivation. But I'm still forming my core, so it will be some time before I will need to make that decision.
You may not have known about my existence, or that of A-Yu, but we undoubtedly have more siblings out there, waiting to be found. I think we should consider how we should tackle that issue at some point, as I'm sure many of them are in precarious or even bad conditions. Can you believe A-Yu and his mother were living in a donkey stable? He's only a baby, and she's only a few years older than us. To think they were only found and rescued by chance!
I would like to discuss cultivation with you, as I know the different sects have different styles. The Jiang are very fluid and adaptable, I've found, which is because the sect was founded by a rogue cultivator. How are the Jin?
I hope this letter finds you well.
Meng Yao
Oh, the amount they don't know and how that forms part of the narrative!
Also, in case it isn't clear, these are only samplings of letters between the characters. We don't get all of them.
Mianmian is the sound a sheep makes and thus a reference to Qingyang, hence Jiang Yanli's reaction.
a-die = dad
a-niang = mom
ayi = aunt
daifu = doctor
fuqin = father
guniang = young lady (unmarried)
jianghu = the cultivation world
Jinlin Tai = Carp/Koi Tower
muqin = mother
tang you baba = sugar oil cake
zongzhu = sect leader
