The sun has lit the horizon on fire, the birds feeding their young in the folds of their nests. Inhaling a long breath of perfumed air from the endless flowers along the edge of the woods, I drink in the beauty of the sunset. A kingdom of clouds plated in gold and amber light and perfect for an evening picnic. It was hard to get out of bed this morning. Morning sickness has been brutal and the fatigue, crippling. But that has not stopped me from preparing some food for Allie and Nathan. I brought some fruit for myself. It seems to be the only thing I don't find disgusting right now. It has been two days since I found out I am pregnant.
Allie is gnawing on a chicken sandwich, often pointing to some element of nature. Whether it be the squirrels chasing eachother in circles up a maple tree or a fish jumping in the glittering pond below. We have a good view of the school, the town, and our home from this hill. The same hill I told myself I wouldn't fall in love with anybody on. Nathan watches me as I pluck a few grapes from a plate. The irony.
"What are you thinking about?" Nathan asks, his smile growing bigger and brighter these days. His blue eyes hold a tenderness I have never seen in anyone else before. I have never felt so loved than when I am with him.
Allie only half-swallows a big mouthful of chicken and bread, before chiming in. "Yeah, what are you thinking about?"
I laugh, so unsure how to answer. I planned to tell them on this picnic, but I'm nervous. No. More like...so excited that I have a hard time speaking. That's it.
I cuddle in closer to Nate and he wraps his arm around my shoulder. "Well..." I look up, grasping for the right words. "I brought something else on this picnic. You will have to find it...both of you."
Allie immediately guts out the picnic basket, hoping it is a hidden item of food, which is almost as precious as gold is to a pirate. Nathan scans over the blanket we all are seated on to see if he for some reason didn't notice all that I had layed out.
"Aha!" Allie squeals. "You brought blueberry Muffins!" The young girl stuffs half of a muffin into her gaping mouth holding it with her teeth before distributing one for both Nate and myself. I accept it, glad to have something that doesn't make me feel sick at the sight of it.
"Good work detective!" Nathan praises. "We didn't even need to use your magnifying glass."
Allie giggles. I shake my head at her, communicating to her not to keep holding the muffin with her teeth. She obeys and smiles.
Once we are half-way through our treat, I sigh aloud. Nate gives me a confused look. "I think you might actually need to use that magnifying glass, Allie. The muffins were nice, but they were not what you need to find." Clearing my dry throat, I sip on a glass of water and point in the general direction of a giant log. "Maybe look in that direction?"
The search goes on for about five minutes before Nathan stops searching. He allows Allie to do the heavy work of moving rocks or climbing trees He just keeps a general eye on his surroundings.
"Ny, what on earth is so special about this thing you are having us go crazy for?" Nathan pouts, unwilling to look through another patch of weeds and grass. "Can you at least give us another clue?"
"Actually, I just remembered that I had it right here with me the entire time." I smirk at their red faces, smoke making their eyes water. "Really?" Allie protests, uncertain at first if she heard me correctly.
I do my best not to stare at Nathan. His disapproval is piercing. Slipping a folded sheet of paper from my pocket, I approach the pair, realizing it might have been a tad inconsiderate to make them search for nothing for ten minutes straight. I lay the parchment at Nathan's feet as a peace offering. He rolls his eyes, sighing in frustration. "I'm sorry." I smile genuinely, hoping they will both move on and pick up the piece of paper. Allie eyes her prey with curiosity, while Nathan uncrosses his arms, then swipes the folded secret before she is able to pounce.
I try to stand, a wave of sickness threatening to unravel my body. The crackle of the paper is deafening as Nate unfolds it. His brows furrow before a flash of understanding shines like the sun on his eyes. His perfect blue eyes. I have imagined this moment a thousand times all these days, and here it is before me. His Adam's apple bobs up and down as he swallows, observing me in a new light. "Ny..." He grabs my shoulders firmly with both his hands? The picture fluttering right into Allie's clutches. "Is it true?" He smiles, a mighty swell of jubilation in his heart on the verge of bursting any second.
I gently but swiftly kiss him, a smile teasing my own lips when we pull apart. "Yes."
"I'm going to be a sister?!" Allie cries with excitement, hugging the art piece I had drawn of Nathan and I together, Allie beside us, as I am holding a small child in my arms. I laugh, suddenly more happy than I had ever been in my entire life so far. Tears brim in my eyes as I think of the child in my womb, pure overwhelming love for him or her embracing me. I catch Allie as she plunges into my arms, squealing with delight at the notion of her very own sibling. Nate pulls me closer to him by the waist, tears in his own eyes. A hint of sadness colors them. But only a vapor, before it is replaced by more happiness. He kisses me long and deep. And all of us stand here together as a beautiful and long awaited family.
Later in the evening, when we have come home and Allie is upstairs doing homework, I motion Nate to sit on the couch with me. He holds me with such tenderness and protection. I think he will be a good father. He loves completely and is loyal and a good leader.
"Nate?" I start my inquiry with his name, hoping he will realize I am not trying to force anything from him if he is not ready to talk about it. "A moment ago you looked burdened. Is there anything you are concerned about?"
The silence is heavy for a few moments before his lips move, uncertain and weary. "I don't want to be like my father..." I don't respond and let him go on. "He was so selfish and deceitful. I found it so hard to respect him. I don't want that for our baby."
In reflection, I recall my childhood, remembering my own father and the sting of many years of rejection. "My father did not want me," I begin, "He spent every waking moment reminding me and my mother of that. I don't want that for our baby either." Nathan stares at me as if I just made him feel worse. Good thing I am not finished. "Those men made their mistakes. And you will make your own mistakes, but it does not mean that you will make the same mistake they did. You are a different person with different convictions. It is another reason why I respect you so much."
Nate's chest raises, confidence building up in his soul. His chin is more firm, ready to challenge his doubts head on. "I love you, Nyrah."
"I love you too."
