(A/N: I got the idea for this fanfic around the same time as I Can't Hear You!, but it needed some more thought put into it. Now it's time for me to write it out and show you what I had in mind! Hope you enjoy it!)


Bowser was in very high spirits, humming happily to himself as he returned to his airship, which was hovering in the skies over the Ruined Kingdom. He'd just shot down Mario's airship once again, but this time, he used something far more sinister than Mario ever imagined. He used a HUGE, terrifying-looking dragon that could breathe lightning instead of fire to do the job. Bowser was sure that if Mario didn't die in the fall this time around, then the dragon would surely finish him off.

"All right! Now I need you to get your tail down there and finish the job! Make sure that the little idiot you just zapped can't chase after me anymore!" Bowser commanded the beast, who flew away to do as he said.

The Koopa King chuckled to himself as he watched the dragon hurry to obey his order. There was no way that puny, pudgy plumber could stop him from marrying Princess Peach now! She and her kingdom would be all his in just a few short hours! Now it was time to give her the news that Mario wasn't going to show up and ruin everything. That dragon would stop him for sure.


Peach, meanwhile, was in the bride's chamber with Tiara, her new friend who was also Bowser's prisoner. Both girls had been very upset after they saw Bowser shoot down Mario's airship back in the Cloud Kingdom, and Bowser didn't care how unhappy they were as they got closer to the wedding venue. Peach was only getting more and more upset about the whole matter, since Bowser appeared to be at his absolute worst this time.

"I can't go through with the wedding, Tiara! I just can't do it! I won't marry that roaring moron!" Peach complained to her Bonneter friend as she paced in circles around the room, feeling agitated.

"You know something? I honestly don't blame you for feeling this way, Peach, because I don't want the wedding to happen, either. I hate Bowser as much as you do, after everything he's put us through so far. How can he expect you to be happy about marrying him when he treats you no better than the sand he stomped through in the Sand Kingdom?" Tiara replied, floating near Peach in her Bonneter form.

"Because they say 'ignorance is bliss', and he firmly believes it! He's a blissfully ignorant boob! That's how!" Peach said.

"Well, that figures." Tiara muttered. She couldn't argue with that.

"I know that the wedding, if you can call it that, is going to be just awful! I didn't get to help Bowser plan any of it, which is bad enough. And in case you don't believe me, let me quiz you. Did I get to help him decide who was invited?" Peach asked.

"No. For one thing, he didn't think to invite any of your subjects to the big event, and he didn't want to let you choose who to invite because he knew that Mario was the first person you would invite. And if there's one thing we all know, Mario would never let Bowser have you as his wife!" Tiara said.

"Well, I actually did invite Mario, but I did it mentally, and I hope he knew that I would invite him in spite of what Bowser wanted. He would've gotten the invitation for sure if we both knew telepathy, like our friends, Link and Princess Zelda, from Hyrule." Peach sighed. (A/N: Zelda was able to summon Link through telepathy in "The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past".)

"What did you mean when you said you invited Mario 'mentally'?" Tiara asked.

"I invited him in my mind. It's all in the mind, Tiara." Peach replied, before saying, "Now where was I? Oh, yeah. Did I say 'yes' to the dress he picked out for me?" Peach stopped pacing and gestured to the Lochlady Dress, which she was wearing.

"No, because you'd want to pick out your own dress. But he didn't even give you the opportunity to do that. He did it for you." Tiara said.

"It was stolen. I didn't ask to be married in a stolen wedding dress." Peach said.

"I know. You took one look at the dress when Bowser was holding it out to you, then turned away and said to him in a mad voice, 'Not in a million years, you fathead'." Tiara said. She wanted to giggle when Peach said that, but she could not. She could only shudder as she remembered Bowser's awful reaction to Peach's displeasure. He tore Peach's pink silk dress off of her body, forcing her to put on the Lochlady Dress before he got any worse ideas.

"Did I get to help him choose the wedding cake? NO! And do you know what the worst part is?" Peach asked.

"What?" Tiara asked nervously.

"I could have very easily made a cake for the ceremony instead." Peach said.

"Why would you do that when you've made it clear that you hate Bowser's guts?" Tiara asked.

"Because at least I would have been allowed to contribute to this 'wedding' in some small way. And he knows that I can bake good cakes. He should know; I made him a cake once before." Peach remembered.

"Why did you bake him a cake?" Tiara asked.

"To thank him for destroying the Dark Star." Peach said.

"Oh." said Tiara. She never thought that a jerk like Bowser would ever do anything good.

"But I think he may have forgotten all about that time, because after that, he demanded that I make him a cake that was bigger than the universe, but he knew that such a thing was impossible for me to do! I never did make him that cake, though..." Peach recalled.

"I'm glad you didn't make that big cake. He didn't deserve it for being so forgetful and stupid." Tiara asked.

"He's stupid, all right. I don't even know how he can manage to walk and breathe at the same time. And I'm beginning to think that he only stole a cake because he's still mad at me for being unable to bake him a cake that was bigger than the universe. If that's the case, have I got news for him... THE CAKE HE STOLE IS MUCH SMALLER THAN WHAT HE WAS ASKING ME TO PREPARE, IN CASE HE HASN'T NOTICED!" Peach said, her anger showing in her voice.

"My gosh! Where does he get off...? No. Just no. A guy that stupid doesn't deserve to have a woman like you as his wife! You're too good for him!" Tiara said.

"And how can Bowser even call it our wedding when he knows that I didn't get a say in any of the details? Planning the wedding is how the bride and groom learn to compromise." Peach asked, her frustration mounting as she began pacing again.

"He can't say that it's for both of you when he did all the work of planning it with none of your input. It sounds more like the wedding is his wedding. Meaning that if he really wants to marry someone with the wedding as it is, then what he should do is go out and find himself a new bride; preferably one who has no life of her own." Tiara said.

"The main reason I don't want to be in this wedding of his is because I'm not in love with him! I never loved him! I've done nothing but hate him from the first time he kidnapped me! He never has given me any reasons to believe that he actually cares about me! All he does is come up with new and creative ways to make me hate him even more than I already did, if you can believe that!" Peach said.

"I do believe that. It's like he wants you to hate him. But he doesn't love you, either, right?" Tiara asked.

"He never did! He just wants me because I'm a princess with a kingdom that he wants to rule just so he can destroy it. Bowser doesn't really think of me as a real person! You know, someone who has a birthday, a life, feelings, or even strengths and weaknesses! No! To him, I'm nothing more than a trophy!" Peach said.

"Well, if it's any consolation, Peach, I don't see you as a trophy. You're my bestest friend, and I needed one of those in the worst way when Bowser kidnapped me." Tiara said, moving close to Peach to try and help her feel a little better.

"And having you as a friend is a blessing." Peach said as she once again stopped pacing and gratefully hugged Tiara close to her.

"I can see why Mario loved you so much, Peach. You're so nice, and you give warm hugs. I know I've already said this, but I really mean it: Bowser doesn't deserve a woman like you." Tiara said, relaxing in Peach's hold.

"And the worst part is that Bowser proved he doesn't care about my feelings by killing Mario, the man I truly love; the man who loves me as much as I do him! Bowser doesn't even care that losing Mario broke my heart!" Peach cried as she let go of Tiara and sank to the floor in emotional pain.

Tiara looked sad as she looked at her friend. Peach looked like she was ready to cry again. She had done that a lot after watching Mario get shot down when he won that battle against Bowser in the Cloud Kingdom. Her eyes were still very red and puffy.

"Peach, I know the chances of this being true are very slim, but... what if Bowser didn't kill Mario? I know that his aim appeared to be spot-on, but I have a feeling that Mario may not be dead." Tiara said.

"Tiara, it would take a miracle for Mario to survive being shot out of the sky like that! And as for Bowser... well, he can just consider himself lucky that I haven't clawed his eyes out for that! I can't even look at him because I know that if I do, I might just do it! Someone is going to have to hold me back!" Peach said, looking up at Tiara.

"Are your nails long and sharp enough for you to claw out his eyes?" Tiara asked.

"I'll let you be the judge of that." Peach said as she removed her gloves, allowing her little friend to carefully examine her perfectly manicured hands. Her fingernails were immaculate, and also long, but not too long.

"Well, they are pretty long, and nails like that could really hurt somebody. Yeah, I think you could claw his eyes out." Tiara said as she looked carefully at Peach's fingernails.

"I thought so." Peach replied, putting her gloves back on.

"Are you still going to claw Bowser's eyes out if Mario did survive?" Tiara asked.

"Maybe. But if Mario surviving puts me in a good mood, I just might go a little easier on him. That's right; I'll try to make him go deaf instead. That's what he's trying to do to me when he's roaring in my ears. So I have a good enough reason to call him a roaring moron." Peach said.

"I'm really surprised he hasn't gotten a sore throat from all the roaring and yelling that he's been doing." Tiara said.

"I know. I wish he would get one, because that would force him to be quiet. Having a silent Bowser would be music to my ears." Peach said.

"Did you just say that silence is music to your ears?" Tiara asked, confused.

"Okay, that sounded oxymoronic, but I think you know what I mean." Peach said.

"I have no idea what that big word meant, but I think I get what you're saying now: silence is golden. At least when it's Bowser who's silent." Tiara said.

"Smart girl. I probably should have used that saying instead." Peach said.

"Why didn't you?" Tiara asked.

"Because I'm still upset about losing Mario. I wasn't thinking." Peach said.

"At least you think. You do a lot more thinking than Bowser does." Tiara said.

"Someone has to." Peach replied.

"And because he doesn't think, he really is a roaring moron, just like you said. I also have to wonder where he learned such bad manners. Was he raised in a barn?" Tiara asked.

"I should think so, the way he behaves in front of me and treats others! He makes Prince John from "Robin Hood" look sane! Honestly, no one would ever believe that Bowser's really a king!" Peach said.

"Wha-?! Did you just say Bowser is a king?!" Tiara asked incredulously.

"He is. I know; it's hard to believe, isn't it?" Peach asked.

"I'm sorry, but there's just no way I can believe that. No king would ever behave like he does! He acts like he's beneath you!" Tiara said.

"That's what I said! If he is a king, then he might as well be king of the deranged!" Peach replied.

Tiara had to giggle when Peach called Bowser 'king of the deranged'. The only bad thing was that Cappy and Mario were not around, because they would've loved hearing that. And she also knew that they would agree with it.

"I'm not going to argue with you there, Peach. He really is deranged!" Tiara said.

"I always thought so. I'm glad you agree with me." Peach said as she pulled Tiara into another hug, which both of them needed.


At that moment, the door to the bride's chamber slammed open, causing Peach to nearly jump out of her skin, and Tiara to fly out of her arms in fear! Bowser was standing in the doorway with a huge, stupid-looking grin on his face.

"For Grambi's sake, Bowser! Haven't you ever heard of this thing called 'knocking'?!" Peach angrily asked, standing up as Tiara landed back in Peach's arms and buried her face into her chest out of fear.

"Hey, we're almost married now, so I don't think I need to knock anymore!" Bowser retorted.

"Guess what? You said 'almost', meaning 'not yet', so you still have to knock. It's only polite!" Peach told him.

"Doesn't matter. As of now, we can consider ourselves married, and this time, I made sure that Mario can't come to ruin everything and take you away from me." Bowser said.

"I already know." Peach grumbled.

"You do?" Bowser asked. How could she have known? She wasn't out on the airship's deck while he was using the dragon to kill Mario. Or maybe she was, but she darted back into the ship before he got back.

"Duh! You forced me to watch you shoot him down after he kicked your stupid butt back in the Cloud Kingdom! Or have you forgotten about that?!" Peach replied in anger. She was beginning to think that maybe Bowser suffered from short-term memory-loss.

"Actually... this is really embarrassing... but I learned that I actually didn't kill him..." Bowser admitted, looking sheepish for the first time.

"He didn't die?" Peach asked.

"No." Bowser replied.

"He lived?!" Peach asked, sounding rather excited.

"Yes..." Bowser grumped, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

"Yes! I knew Mario lived!" Tiara cheered, leaping out of Peach's arms in happiness.

"Hey! Don't get so excited about that, ladies! He got lucky, once! But I saw to it that he won't ever be that lucky again!" Bowser said.

"You tried to kill him again?! Is there no end to your treachery?!" Peach cried.

"I didn't try, Peach. I made sure that he's really dead this time! You see, while I was out there, I just shot down his stupid little ship (which once again caught up to us) with a new friend of mine; a big, scary-looking dragon known as the Lord of Lightning!" Bowser gloated.

"A... dragon?! You... found a d-d-dragon?!" Peach gasped.

"You'd better believe it." Bowser grimly replied.

"But... how?! I-I thought those beasts were... native to H-Hyrule... and that place is... another World entirely!" Peach said in shock, remembering how she and Zelda liked to talk about their respective kingdoms during visits to Smash Mansion.

"Apparently, you thought wrong. But I thought I should let you know that if being shot down this time didn't kill Mario, the dragon will surely finish the job for me. I sent him to do just that!" Bowser said.

"No..." Tiara moaned.

"Yes! I finally killed that stupid Mario! And it's about time I did it, too!" Bowser cheered. And then he did something really cruel. He began to gloating about his horrible victory over Mario by singing and dancing to a mean little song that he had written off the top of his head, called "I Killed Mario", and it was sung to the tune of "Here Comes Santa Claus".

Peach and Tiara were thunderstruck, even though they hadn't really seen the dragon, or what Bowser made it do to Mario and Cappy's ship. And Bowser's voice was making them sick. It was an awful sound that seemed to enjoy hurting people, especially females. And his voice seemed to get louder and louder when he reached a new verse. He obviously wanted to be sure they heard his stupid song.

"I don't feel so good, Peach. I really wish he'd shut up." Tiara said to the princess in a whisper. She would tell him to do it herself, but she was afraid that Bowser might hurt her if she tried anything. He had no problems bullying Peach, so it was obvious that he'd do the same to Tiara, only she'd have it worse, due to her small size.

Peach was too angry to claw out Bowser's eyes, or even cry. This song had to be the worst one she'd ever heard in her life, and she'd heard some pretty bad ones. She really didn't want to hear any more of his stupid, evil song, and it was time to let Bowser know it.

Bowser was nearing the end of the song by this time, and he was singing at the top of his voice, "'CAUSE MARIO'S GONE FOR-"

"WILL YOU LOWER YOUR VOICE?!" a shrill voice that was somehow louder than Bowser's suddenly screamed at the top of its lungs, cutting off the last word of his song and surprising him so much that he fell down!

Bowser stood up, dusted himself off, and looked around the room, wondering who could have yelled at him! He never heard anyone yell at him like that before. His gaze first fell upon Tiara. He saw that her eyes were as big as car tires, and she looked shocked.

"Did that come out of you?!" Bowser asked the Bonneter, even though he didn't really think she had done it. There was just no way that someone so small could make such a loud sound.

"N-no..." Tiara replied in a small voice, her tiny body trembling.

"Speak up!" Bowser demanded. He hadn't heard Tiara's reply.

"I-I didn't do it! It wasn't me, I swear!" Tiara screamed in fear, darting behind Peach for safety.

Bowser realized that the voice he heard didn't really sound like Tiara's, after all. So then he looked at Peach, who was giving him a glare that could cause Lavalava Island to freeze over. Now he knew who had yelled at him, and he didn't appreciate that. So he decided to yell back at her.

"YOU LOWER YOUR VOICE!" Bowser shot back.

"I will when you..." Peach sweetly began in a softer voice, before yelling at the same volume as before, "LOWER YOUR VOICE!"

Yup, the voice that yelled at Bowser and cut off his song belonged to Peach. He hadn't really thought the princess was capable of yelling at him at that volume, but he decided to show her that he could do it, too.

"LOWER YOUR VOICE!" Bowser screamed at the princess. He was almost like a hurricane, trying to blow her back and off her feet. He didn't succeed, because Peach stood firm, but he was doing a fine job of terrifying poor Tiara, who went into hiding.

Peach, however, was undaunted by Bowser's screaming because she was so angry at him. Now it was time for her to have the matter out with him. She pried open Bowser's mouth, stuck her head inside, and screamed down his throat, "YOU LOWER YOUR VOICE!" Then she quickly took her head out of his mouth and shut it.

(A/N: I got the idea of Bowser and Peach yelling at the other to lower their voice from a "Fatheads" segment in "Rocko's Modern Life". Not only was it funny, but I could totally see them doing this to each other!)

Bowser had enough. He set his gaze hard as he got close to Peach's face and said to her in a low, threatening tone of voice, "You know what?! I don't need to stand here and take orders from a lowly woman!"

"Excuse me?! Did you just refer to me as a 'lowly' woman?!" Peach asked in anger.

"I did, because that's exactly what you are!" Bowser said.

"For your information, Bowser, I happen to be a princess, so I think I'm pretty far from being lowly!" Peach reminded him, her eyes like blue fire.

"But I'm a king, which means that I outrank you!" Bowser said.

"I know that you're a king!" Peach replied, before angrily muttering under her breath, "King of the deranged, if you ask me..."

Unfortunately, Bowser thought he heard her say something as he was leaving the room, and he was going to find out what.

"What was that?" Bowser asked, stopping and turning back to look at Peach.

"Oh, nothing you would approve of!" Peach retorted, giving him the cold shoulder.

"Whatever. I'm out of here!" Bowser said, deciding that it was time for him to get away from this woman before she caused him to pop a blood vessel. That's just how angry he was.

"Good riddance, you roaring moron!" Peach shouted.

"Hey! I am not a boring moron! I can assure you that you'll be taking back that little remark when we get to the wedding venue!" Bowser said.

"I said 'roaring', not 'boring'! But now that you mention it, thanks for reminding me! You're a roaring, boring moron, and I am never gonna marry you!" Peach yelled.

"Think again, Peach! Mario is dead, and I don't know of anyone else who has the guts to stand up to me, so if I were you, I'd start getting used to the idea! You've got only a few short hours to accept the fact that you and your kingdom are already as good as mine!" Bowser yelled at the princess before slamming the door, causing Peach to jump about two feet off the ground in fear.


"I-is he... g-g-gone?" Tiara asked nervously, peeking out from underneath Peach's skirts, where she had been hiding.

"Y-yes... For now..." Peach replied, wishing that her heart rate would slow down.

Both girls were quiet for a while, relishing the silence. However, it didn't last very long, for Peach remembered what Bowser had said; that he had killed Mario with a dragon that was going to eat him. She would never see him again! The princess sank to the floor and began to weep, unable to believe that the man she loved was gone forever. He would never be able to rescue her from a fate that a princess did not deserve.

Tiara was also upset, because she recalled seeing Cappy with Mario, which meant they had been working together to save her and Peach. If Mario was gone, then so was Cappy. And she knew that Bowser would never take her back to Bonneton after the wedding was over. She hated to imagine being forced to spend the rest of her life miserable and homesick, without her big brother around to assure her that everything would be okay.

As they mourned the loss of their loved ones, the girls were hoping that something terrible would happen to prevent the wedding from taking place. Peach couldn't go through with the idea of walking down the aisle with someone who didn't really love her, and Tiara hated to be in the middle of it!


And this is where I'm going to end Chapter 1. There's more to this story, so stay tuned if you wish to find out what happens next.