Why Did the Acolyte Cross the Playground?

"Ahhh, that was the deepest, most restful sleep I've had in months," Magneto sighed in contentment. "I can't remember the last time I slept for sixteen hours straight. Of course, it was all due to being knocked unconscious by those inane fools in their latest attempt to make doughnut- and ice cream-flavored cotton candy, but still, a rest is a rest. And boy did I need rest! My stress levels were through the roof! I was so worked up and frazzled my migraines had migraines! But now I'm all refreshed and relaxed while both physically and mentally recharged…"

A series of strange sounds and loud laughter suddenly split the air. "…just in time to deal with the latest round of mindless insanity caused by those trouble-causing maniacs." Magneto groaned levitating himself down the corridor. He paused outside the Control Room for a moment before bracing himself and entering in determination. "All right, you idiots! What kind of pointless nonsense are you engaging in this time…what the devil?"

"Wheeeeee!" Pyro whooped happily while zooming down a giant wave slide. The entire Control Room was filled with seesaws, swing sets and other colorful playground equipment. "Yeah! Yeah!"

"Ha!" Remy grinned breezing through a complex course of trapeze rings. "Alright! A new record!"

"Whoa!" Piotr yelped attempting to cross a series of tunnels, rope bridges and tire ladders. "This is more difficult than it looks…ah, I think I am stuck. Help!"

"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?!" Magneto roared at the sight. "WHAT HAVE YOU NUTS DONE TO THIS ROOM?!"

"Hey, Mags!" Remy waved hanging from a parallel bar with one hand. "'Bout time you woke up. Wanna join in?"

"I want to commit homicide! And don't call me Mags!" Magneto glared in fury. "What in the name of Charles Darwin do you lunatics think you're doing?"

"Playing on a bunch of playground equipment," Remy said obviously. "Duh!"

"I can see that!" Magneto snapped. "Where did all this ridiculous paraphernalia of wasteful frivolity come from? How did you idiots even manage to get it all into the base?"

"It was surprising easy," Remy shrugged. "You see, all we needed to do was…"

"Never mind! I don't want to know!" Magneto shouted. "I just want it all removed and disassembled right now! Before I give in to my basic instincts by finally disassembling all of you!"

"Aw, we can't do that," Remy protested. "We just finished installing everything and are still in the process of testing it out. You can't expect us to quit just like that. Just look at how happy everyone is."

"Yahoooooo!" Pyro cheered rocketing down one wild, twisting slide to the next. "Can't catch me! I'm gonna win!"

"Do-doh! Do-doh!" Pippi hooted zipping down a slide next to him while riding on a special speed mat.

"Of course the stupid dodo would be involved with this," Magneto hissed. "Along with all the other bird-brained…huh?"

"Hehehehehe!" Sabertooth giggled twirling about on a merry-go-round. "Faster! Faster! Yay!"

"Whaaa?" Magneto gaped at him in shock. "Victor! What the blazes are you…?"

"Ooooh, look at all the pretty colors!" Sabertooth blinked with his eyes spinning almost as fast as the whirling platform he was riding on. "Everything keeps swirling and swirling…"

"You got Sabertooth hyped up on catnip again, didn't you?" Magneto glared at Remy.

"Of course not. That's been way overdone," Remy said. "Sabes somehow strangely, accidently, mysteriously got exposed to a large amount of highly concentrated cat powder instead."

"I had to ask," Magneto moaned.

"Whoo-hoo!" Sabertooth cackled inanely. "I'm King of the Carousel! I'm the fastest mutant in the world! Hahahahaha!"

"Not as fast as me!" Mastermind smiled riding a bright pink pony-shaped spring rider. "Come on, horsey! We have to win this race! Tally-ho!"

"Let me guess, Mastermind got 'mysteriously' drunk too," Magneto grumbled. "Not that I blame him."

"Nope. He's completely sober," Remy stated. "Masty joined in willingly. Said he always wanted to play on stuff like this but never had the chance to do so as a kid."

"Yay! View halloo!" Mastermind grinned bouncing around to his heart's content. "Look at me, Mama! Your little boy is the best! Aren't you proud?"

"Oh geeze! Not again! They're all gone!" Magneto moaned holding his head. "I knew I'd been reduced to running a demented daycare center for insane, overgrown, hyperactive mutants with the mental acuity of three-year-olds! This latest round of absurd madness simply makes it official!"

"Hahahahaha!" Pyro laughed jumping on an oversized seesaw. "Ah, this is great! Right, Pippi?"

"Do-doh! Py-roh!" Pippi squawked perched on the seesaw's other end.

"I take it back," Magneto corrected. "Three-year-olds are far more sensible and mature than these wild nuts could ever hope to be! Why couldn't they just go and inflict their insanity on an already existing playground?"

"Because no place had playground equipment that was big enough or fast enough for our needs," Remy explained. "Especially since we went and juiced them up a bit…"

"Alright! Let's do it, Pippi!" Pyro whooped as he and Pippi jumped on one end of a seesaw with a large pile of dismounted tires on the other. "One, two, three!"

BOING! BOING! BOING!

"Ah! Help! I think there is something wrong with this swing!" Piotr yelled whizzing back and forth in a blur. "It will not stop even when I am armored up…aaahhhhhh!"

WHOOOSH!

CRASH!

"You what?!" Magneto twitched at the newly made Piotr-shaped hole in the ceiling. "How the heck do you juice up a bunch of playground equipment…no, don't tell me! I've heard enough abnormal nonsense for one day. I just want you fools to get this ludicrous collection of infantile idiocy out of my base at once, even if you have to remove every bolted down asinine edifice with your bare hands!"

"Bolted down?" Remy blinked snapping his fingers. "Aha! I knew we forgot something."

RUMMMBLE!"

"Hahahahaha!" Pyro laughed as he and Pippi rode atop the seesaw as it surfed along a tidal wave of tires. "Yeah! Yeah!"

"Wheeeeee!" Sabertooth giggled clinging to the center of a large, dismounted jungle gym as it rolled about like a tumbleweed.

"Whoa! Help me!" Mastermind yelped as his spring rider bounced about like mad. "My horse had gone completely nuts! It's out of control! I can't get off!"

"Too bad that same description perfectly matches with what remains of my life," Magneto groaned as the Acolytes proceeded to wreck the Control Room. "I always knew these mindless nutcases operated with a few screws loose, but I didn't think it was literal!"

"Yay, we're gonna fly! Watch this, mates!" Pyro grinned sticking his head out the porthole of a rocket ship-shaped playhouse. "Prepare to blast off!"

"Do-doh! Do-doh!" Pippi hooted next to him.

"Uh oh," Remy quickly ducked for cover.

"What?!" Magneto gasped. "NO!"

FA-WHOOOOOOSSSHHHHHH!

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Magneto screamed as flames leapt from the playhouse as it shot into the air.

CRASH!

CRASH!

SMASH!

CRUNCH!

"Well, there goes the sandbox, climbing ladders and monkey bars," Remy noted at the melted equipment remains. "But at least the tunnel slides are still intact. And with no lines either. Alright!"

"Whoopee!" Sabertooth laughed as he and his uprooted jungle gym tumbled by once more. "I love playtime! Even more than snack time with beer, milk and cookies!"

"I'm going to end up blowing cookies in a minute!" Mastermind wailed clinging to the super bouncy spring rider for dear life. "Bleah!"

"Oh, I could really use another good nap-nap right about now," Magneto warbled from where he lay sprawled out on the floor having been blown clear out of the Control Room. "Preferably for the next twenty or thirty years!"


Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution.