TK Strand stood on the balcony of his and Carlos' apartment, staring out at the Austin skyline as the sun set, casting the city in a warm, golden glow. It was a perfect evening, the kind of evening that begged for peace, for contentment. But TK's mind was anything but peaceful. The last few weeks had been a whirlwind, and as much as he tried to shake it off, the nagging feeling in his gut wouldn't let him rest.
He loved Carlos—God, did he love Carlos. But lately, things between them had shifted. It wasn't bad, not exactly, but there was a heaviness that TK couldn't ignore. It was as though they were both standing on the edge of something—something big, something terrifying—and neither of them knew what to do next.
The lyrics from Taylor Swift's "Midnight Rain" floated through TK's mind, the words hitting too close to home: "He wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain. He wanted a bride, I was making my own name…" That's what it felt like, didn't it? Carlos was the steady one, the anchor, the one who wanted stability. And TK? TK had spent his whole life chasing storms, running from comfort, even when it was exactly what he needed.
The sound of the sliding door behind him made TK turn. Carlos Reyes stepped out onto the balcony, his expression soft but questioning. He held two beers in his hands, offering one to TK with a small smile.
"You've been out here for a while," Carlos said, his voice gentle. "What's going on in that head of yours?"
TK took the beer, forcing a smile. "Just thinking. You know how I get."
Carlos nodded, but TK could see the concern in his eyes. "Yeah, I do. That's why I'm asking."
For a moment, neither of them said anything. They just stood there, side by side, watching the city below. But the silence wasn't comfortable, and TK knew that Carlos wasn't going to let this go. Not this time.
After a long pause, TK sighed, leaning against the railing. "Do you ever feel like… like we're on different pages? Like we're moving at different speeds?"
Carlos looked at him, frowning slightly. "What do you mean?"
TK shrugged, trying to find the right words. "I mean… you've got this whole life here. You're grounded, you know exactly what you want. You want… stability. You want us. And I do too, but…" He trailed off, frustrated with himself. "I don't know, sometimes I feel like I'm always chasing something I can't name. Like I'm not cut out for this."
Carlos's eyes softened, and he set his beer down on the small table beside him. "TK, we've been through a lot. We've talked about this before—about how you always feel like you're running. But we don't have to be perfect. You don't have to figure everything out right now."
TK let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. "But that's the problem, Carlos. You're right here, ready to settle down, and I'm still figuring out who I am. What I want. It's like you're this… perfect future, and I don't know if I deserve it."
Carlos took a step closer, his hand gently resting on TK's arm. "Why would you think you don't deserve it? TK, you deserve all of it. Everything."
TK looked down, avoiding Carlos's gaze. "I don't know… I just—sometimes it feels like I'm always fighting to keep my head above water. And you? You're solid. You're what everyone's supposed to want. But me? I'm still messed up. I'm still trying to figure out how to be okay."
Carlos sighed, his hand slipping down to take TK's. "You think I don't have my own doubts? You think I don't worry that maybe one day you'll decide you want something different? Something more exciting?"
TK's eyes flicked up to meet Carlos's, surprised by the vulnerability in his voice.
"I'm not perfect, TK," Carlos continued, his voice low. "And I'm not some anchor that's going to hold you down. You don't have to be afraid of wanting more, or wanting something different, if that's what you need. But don't think for one second that you're less than deserving of happiness. Of peace."
TK felt his throat tighten, his chest aching with the weight of everything he hadn't said. The truth was, he was scared. Scared of staying, scared of leaving, scared of everything in between. But he didn't want to lose Carlos. Not when Carlos was the best thing that had ever happened to him.
"I'm not trying to push you away," TK whispered, his voice cracking. "I just… I'm terrified of messing this up. I'm terrified that I'm going to hurt you."
Carlos stepped closer, his forehead resting against TK's. "You're not going to hurt me, TK. We're in this together. Whatever you're going through, we'll figure it out."
TK closed his eyes, leaning into Carlos's touch. It was moments like this—quiet, tender moments—that reminded him why he fought so hard to stay. Why, despite the chaos in his mind, he kept coming back to Carlos. But it didn't erase the fear that gnawed at him.
"I don't want to lose you," TK said softly, his voice barely above a whisper.
Carlos's hand cupped his cheek, tilting his head up so their eyes met. "You won't. You won't lose me, TK. But you have to stop thinking you have to do this all on your own."
TK nodded, though he wasn't sure if he believed it. He wanted to. He wanted to believe that they could make this work, that he could let go of his fear and just… be with Carlos. But he'd spent so much of his life running—from his feelings, from his past, from everything that scared him—that it felt almost impossible to stop now.
Carlos seemed to sense his hesitation, his voice gentle as he spoke again. "TK, I know you're scared. I know you've been through hell. But I love you. And I'm not going anywhere."
TK's heart swelled at the words, but the guilt that came with them was overwhelming. Carlos deserved someone who was all in, someone who wasn't constantly second-guessing everything. Someone who wasn't afraid of the future.
"You wanted it comfortable," TK said quietly, echoing the lyrics that had been haunting him all day. "And I wanted that pain. I don't know how to be comfortable, Carlos. I don't know how to be still."
Carlos frowned, confusion flickering in his eyes. "TK, I don't want you to change who you are. I love you the way you are—flaws, fears, everything. But you have to stop thinking that just because you're not perfect, you don't deserve to be happy."
TK swallowed hard, his emotions threatening to overwhelm him. He didn't know how to explain the storm inside him, the constant push and pull between wanting to stay and wanting to run. All he knew was that Carlos was the best thing in his life, and he didn't want to lose him.
But Carlos, ever patient, ever understanding, seemed to know exactly what TK needed. He wrapped his arms around TK, pulling him close, and for a moment, they just stood there, holding each other as the world around them faded away.
"You're not running anymore," Carlos whispered into his ear. "You're here, with me. And that's enough."
TK's eyes stung with unshed tears, and he buried his face in Carlos's shoulder, clinging to him like a lifeline. Maybe it was enough. Maybe, for once, he didn't have to run. Maybe he could just… stay.
"I'm scared," TK admitted, his voice muffled against Carlos's shirt.
"I know," Carlos whispered back. "But you don't have to be scared alone."
Later that night, after the world had gone quiet and the city lights flickered in the distance, TK lay in bed next to Carlos, his hand resting on Carlos's chest, feeling the steady rise and fall of his breathing. It was moments like this—when everything was still and peaceful—that made TK realize just how much he had to lose.
But for the first time in a long time, he didn't feel like he was on the edge of something terrible. He felt grounded, anchored by the man beside him.
"I love you," TK whispered into the darkness, his voice barely audible.
Carlos stirred slightly, his hand finding TK's. "I love you too, TK. Always."
TK smiled, closing his eyes as he let the words wash over him. He didn't know what the future held, and he knew there would be more storms, more doubts, more moments of fear. But for now, he was here. With Carlos. And that was enough.
Maybe, just maybe, he didn't have to keep chasing the midnight rain. Maybe he could find peace in the comfort of the man he loved.
And maybe, for the first time, TK was ready to stop running.
As he drifted off to sleep, the lyrics of "Midnight Rain" played softly in his mind, but this time, they felt different. This time, they felt like a choice—his choice.
"He wanted it comfortable, I wanted that pain… But maybe, just maybe, I can have both."
And in Carlos's arms, TK realized he just might be able to.
