Title: The Art of the Bribe

A/N: For the For Eternity wedding zine, which was sadly cancelled. I took a look at some Russian wedding traditions and thought the bride's ransom would be rather fun. In an exaggerated, genshin way.

Summary: It was an old Snezhnayan tradition: before the wedding, the bride's family would steal away the bride and give the groom a series of challenges to win her back. Now there was one last obstacle before Childe: Aether and Paimon.

A strong gust of wind ran through the sea of grass, sending ripples through the field. Childe's scarf flapped in the breeze, the red contrasting brightly against the green backdrop. The bouquet in his hands ruffled, the white flowers bending but not breaking. His long bangs flopped over his eyes, almost hiding his opponents across the open field.

Not that it would have mattered. Childe knew just how Aether looked when he was tensed up for battle. His long braid swayed in the breeze, his feet digging into the ground as he prepared to leap forward. Paimon clenched her fists as she hovered next to him. While this wasn't their usual weekly battle, they were still taking it as seriously as that.

This was, after all, a fight. A fight for Lumine's hand.

Childe smirked darkly. After he won, he'd get to spar with Lumine. Two battles in one day? Maybe he should buy the lottery while he was at it. Perhaps there was a use for wedding traditions.

"Hey, hey, what are you smirking like that for?" Paimon asked, trembling as she recoiled. Somehow, Mondstadt's infamous winds didn't blow her away. She held her hands in front of her defensively. "You don't get to murder us! That's not in the rules!"

"What rules?" Childe asked glibly, craning his neck slightly as he peered past the dynamic duo. Just behind them was a floating white teapot. As expected. It was an old Snezhnayan tradition for the bride to hide in her home, and there were two places Lumine called home: Mondstadt and the teapot. The most intense game of hide and seek was waiting for him, all he had to do was make his way inside.

"This isn't an actual fight, right?" Paimon asked desperately, glancing at Aether. She nibbled her fingers. "We're just making a deal. Right?"

"It depends on him," Aether replied with a grin. While he wasn't quite as blood-thirsty as Lumine was, he wasn't one to turn away from a good fight. His sunny disposition hid a surprisingly aggressive warrior.

"Well, I'll try it the old-fashioned way. For Lumine." As tempting as it was to just bulldoze his way to his fiancée, Childe knew exactly what she wanted. Or rather, what his romantic-of-a-sister Tonia had wanted when she'd told the twins her favourite wedding traditions. By the book, he had to pay a ransom to reach Lumine.

And if that didn't work…well, there were less traditional ways to get what he desired.

"Hmm, should I just guess your price?" Childe asked teasingly, stroking his chin as he leaned forward. "Or should I force it out?"

"No forcing!" Paimon flinched. She flew closer to Aether, as though to gain courage through his presence. "And we're not telling you anything."

"Well…" Aether scratched his chin sheepishly. "We have to tell him."

"Are you on Paimon's side or his?" Paimon snapped, her ire turning to him now.

"Lumine's," Aether replied easily with a disarming smile. Despite the banter, it was hard to tell how he really felt about all of this, if that nonchalance was an act or reality.

"If you're really on her side, you'd just let me in," Childe suggested, stepping forward.

"She said to make it hard," Aether replied, his expression unchanging as he shifted to hide more of the teapot. "We need the right price."

Well, Childe hadn't served the Tsaritsa for years to turn away from a little roadblock. He leaned forward slightly, making a show of turning his ear to the pair. "And that would be?"

Paimon puffed her chest. Clearly, she had spent days planning this. Clearing her throat, she said, "A golden egg as big as Paimon, all the jewels Paimon can carry, as much mora as—"

For all of her extravagant requests, she was an easy handle. Childe couldn't resist teasing as he hummed and suggested, "Candy?"

"Ha." Paimon snorted, more amused than angry at the interruption. "As if."

Childe tapped his chin, pretending to think about it. "How about…" Paimon's eyes brightened in anticipation and he enjoyed watching her smile twist as he finished, "10 mora?"

Paimon stomped the air angrily. "Cheapskate!"

"You're right, that's far too little…" Childe smirked as he prodded her again. "20 mora?"

"Childe!" Paimon's jaw dropped incredulously, and she stomped the air multiple times now. "Seriously?!"

"Alright, alright." He held his hands up in surrender. It was time to get serious. There were only two things that motivated Paimon: mora and food. And fortunately, despite her ambitious desires, she wasn't able to resist present earthly temptations for future promises. "I'll treat you to a buffet."

Paimon flinched and he knew he'd hooked her. "P-Paimon's not that easy," she stuttered.

He just needed to give the right bait and she'd fall apart. "At the Xinyue Kiosk."

She gasped, her hand covering her mouth. When Aether glanced at her curiously, she paled and trembled as she tried to keep up her bravado. "You can't buy—"

Childe yanked the line. "Twice."

Paimon clutched her chest, falling for it hook, line, and sinker. Slowly, she drifted down till she was barely hovering over the ground. Hanging her head, she nodded weakly. "Yeah."

Childe chuckled. Fishing was fun, regardless of what he caught. Though, he was still left with the hardest prey. During their entire exchange, Aether's expression had given nothing away, neither boredom, interest, nor annoyance.

People often called him the sun to Lumine's moon, and while Childe didn't disagree with the simile, it didn't feel entirely accurate either. Every week, he battled the twins, and while he could easily read the joy in Lumine's expression as she swung her sword, Aether had always been impossible to understand. Did he enjoy the fights? Did he want them? It always seemed like he just went along with Paimon's and Lumine's whims.

Lumine had once scoffed when he'd told her that, telling him that her brother was as straight-forward as they came. Maybe that was what made it hard. There were few in Snezhnaya who Childe would call 'straight-forward' or 'honest'. Fewer still that he met in his line of work. His siblings were the only ones he could think of, with their childish innocence.

"I don't suppose you'll let me through now?" Childe asked half-heartedly, crossing his arms as he considered Aether.

"I would, but I promised Lumine." Aether grinned. "You like challenges, right?"

"Only from the right person." And that person was in the teapot. Childe bit back a sigh. He'd have to start with the basics. "20 mora?" Aether raised a brow and Childe chuckled. "I guess not."

"No, I want…" Aether reddened, embarrassed. Clearing his throat, he reluctantly said, "Proof that you love Lumine."

That was unexpected. Childe stared at him before laughing. Who came up with that? Lumine? Aether? He didn't know which would be funnier. It sounded like something his sister would suggest. "Oh, is that all?"

"Yes," Aether ground out, flustered. His blush didn't fade as he clenched his fist and blocked the teapot entirely from view. "It's not as easy as it sounds."

Paimon perked up, sensing a chance for redemption. She floated higher, until she was at eye-level again. "Yeah! We need hard proof!"

"I don't know, it sounds very simple." Childe smirked. The hook was back in his hand once more and he knew just what to bait it with. "I'll cut off my arm."

There was a long silence as the pair stared at him, flabbergasted. Aether's jaw dropped, his eyes wide as he froze. His long scarf fluttered in the wind. With his smile finally gone, it was suddenly easier to see him for who he was. Lumine was right; Aether wasn't as complicated as Childe thought. Only different from his usual fare.

Paimon was quicker to recover. She tumbled backwards through the air before screeching, "WHAT?"

A disturbed Aether shuddered and shook his head. "I don't want your arm."

Childe chuckled. He stroked his chin, carefully picking his words. "If I ever break her heart, I can cut off more than that."

"WHO WOULD WANT THAT?" Paimon screamed, clutching her head. She turned to Aether. "That's weird, right? He's really weird, right? We shouldn't let him in. We should cancel the wedding."

"I…I wouldn't go that far but…" Aether shivered again. He rubbed his wrist as he tried to keep his tone polite. "I don't want any of those things."

"Ah," Childe drawled, nodding understandingly. He crossed his arms as he hummed. "You want something more…Let's see…"

"No, nope, nothing like that," Aether snapped back immediately, cutting Childe off before he could say something even more ridiculous. He shook his hands as though to physically push away the thoughts. "Something a little…."

"Less bloody," Paimon filled in quickly, her tiny body trembling. "Less scary. Why would you immediately jump to that?"

"Yes. That. I agree," a flustered Aether blurted out, nodding his head quickly. "Lumine would prefer something like that. Something normal."

Well, Childe was certain Lumine actually did like seeing him bloodied and bruised. At least, if their weekly spars-turned-make-outs were anything to go by. Still, that was beyond the point. He was done with waiting—every muscle trembled with anticipation for the next part. And though he couldn't see her now, he was certain Lumine was the same. Her patience was as bad as his. "What to give…what to give…"

"Is it really that hard to think of something normal?" Paimon asked weakly, her shoulders drooping with defeat. "Why is Lumine marrying him again?"

"Good reasons, I'm sure." Aether scrunched his nose as he thought about it. "He helped us. I think."

Childe pouted as he continued to ponder what to offer. "That wounds me, I've been very helpful."

"You also unleashed a sea god on us," Paimon pointed out, scowling.

"That—Oh!" Childe grinned, inspiration striking him. The answer had been so simple, how had he not seen it before now? He hummed as he delicately pulled a single flower from his bouquet. Despite the sunlight, the white flower seemed to glow, drops of dew still clinging to its petals. Confidently, he held it out to Aether. "How about this?"

"A flower?" Paimon snorted and turned up her nose. "Like a measly—"

"No, Paimon." Aether's eyes crinkled, his expression softening as he accepted the flower. "This'll do."

Paimon froze. "Huh?"

"Don't you recognize it?" Aether held it up to her so she could see it better. "It's the Inteyvat. Lumine's favourite. It's hard to find them." He twirled the flower gently. "I'm sure Dainsleif would approve too."

Paimon frowned, not quite buying it. "If you say so. But Paimon still better get her buffet—"

"Just send me the bill." Childe was already pushing past the pair, ready for his reward. With a wave and a wink, he touched the teapot. He could hear Aether's laughter as he was whisked away, time and space distorting before he landed in the middle of a small, floating island.

"Lumine?" Childe said. In the corner of his eye, he spotted a flash of gold and white, a momentary glimpse of his wife-to-be. He smirked, spinning on his heel before chasing after.

It was time for round two and it seemed Lumine wasn't interested in a bribe.

That was fine. Childe liked it rough himself.