Caisleán Caladh, Twenty-Three Months Later…

Two years can give a lot of perspective, when one is left alone with their own thoughts.

And Karina was left alone with hers all too often. Most of her friends were married now, or at least courting. Even Beatrix, that consummate bitch, was close to getting a token from her chosen suitor. Erynne and Anduin had long since life-bonded and she was expecting their first child. She seemed deliriously happy.

Even Helena was courting. Sort of. Maybe. It was hard to tell what was going on with her. It had never been a question that she and Tremane would be close for the rest of their lives. The speculation was whether they would be spiritual siblings or something more. While still a bit too young for a formal courtship, it was clear at least on Tremane's part that their friendship was developing into love. While Helena seemed to return his feelings, something was tearing her up and keeping her from committing to him. And no amount of pleading from Karina could get her sister to confide what was actually happening between them.

Jacen was finally life-bonded as well. His human wife turned out to be an amazingly charming, funny woman who made friends as easily as breathing. She'd fit right into life Underground, even going to Ardalon for Samhain with Jacen last year. Karina stayed home.

Yes, she'd had a lot to think about these last two years. Time to think about the mistakes she'd made, the assumptions she'd made. Time to realize how very wrong she was.

He hadn't said goodbye. He didn't even try to see her before he'd left. He certainly never sent her any messages in all the time he was gone. She never got any news about him… her whole family seemed to be in a conspiracy to keep even his name from crossing their lips when she was around.

Not so, for the members of the Court. Gossip between some of the Elven servants in Ardalon meant that word of their encounter had made the rounds. By now, there wasn't a single resident of Caladh that didn't know about Karina's futile love for the Lord Martial or that he'd run off to Corzina to escape her. Most of her friends treated her with sympathy. Others… not so much. Apparently, there was some amusement to be had at her expense. Beatrix was the worst of them, almost gleeful that the pretty Goblin princess was rejected by her heart-mate.

Shortly after Randel had left for Corzina, her father had taken her aside to have 'a talk'. She had been prepared for a lecture about her impropriety, perhaps a scolding for her boldness. Maybe he even wanted to send her away, to give her a chance to heal and let the gossip die down.

She should have known better…

He had taken her into the 'special garden', the one for wished-aways who died before they could be Healed. He told her that this was the only place in the entire castle compound that was safe from interruption. Even Mom never intruded on him when he was here, and neither did anyone else.

It was there that she'd told him the entire story… the reunion, that Randel didn't know who Karina was and that she hadn't told him, their bet, Jacen finding them, the ball, and the night they spent together.

And it was there that he'd blown apart her certainties, her confidence, that she would win over Randel in the end.

"You have to understand something, Kibble," he'd said, using the pet name from her childhood. "Randel doesn't look at love and family in the same way the rest of us do. He sees it as something dangerous. Not to his body, but to his soul."

He then proceeded to tell her about Randel's childhood. His parents. His mother. How she had been caught in a Fae attack on her home village. How she hid Randel in a cistern before the Fae could find him. How she died in the attack… in the worst way an Othánas woman could die. How his father went absolutely insane upon his return with the rest of the men, killing the Fae commander by tearing his throat out with his teeth before himself falling to a mortal blow. How Randel saw all of this with his own eyes.

Jareth gave her a brief history of Randel's wanderings after the death of his parents. The trauma he'd suffered. How he was found by Jareth's father, Karina's grandfather. How he was taken in by Jareth's parents, along with another young orphan boy named Garthan. How they made themselves and the three boys into a family, the only family Randel had known for over half his life.

How Jareth's parents died the same way as Randel's had.

He explained to her how Randel had been traumatized twice over. Explained his utter terror at the thought of having children that would suffer as he did…

And this being the reason why he never allowed a woman to get close to him. Why he always moved on after an encounter or two. To love a woman was to open himself up to the possibility of children. This, he could not face.

"But I don't understand… you lost your parents the same way, but you still life-bonded. So did Uncle Garthan…" she'd said.

"Yes, but I didn't see it happen, as Randel did. I only saw the immediate aftermath. I was also much older, almost an adult. And make no mistake, it had its effects on me as well. I avoided emotional entanglements for much the same reason that Randel did. After founding the Kingdom, I had to completely rethink my attitude. Marrying and having children was now required of me, not just an option, as it is for everyone else. Even then, I couldn't really embrace the idea until just before I met your mother."

"And Uncle Garthan?"

"He didn't witness his parents' deaths. He was also taken in by your grandparents immediately after he'd lost them. He didn't spend two years of his childhood alone, hunted. But even still, he suffered in his own way. His trauma manifested itself in a crippling reticence when it came to dealing with personal relationships outside of our little brotherhood. He was fortunate to have found a loving woman who could see past it and walk him through it."

She'd started to open her mouth, but her father stopped her with a raised hand, "I know what you're going to say… that your love can help Randel too. And that might be true. But Garthan looked on his parents' marriage as something that was worth dying for… that no matter how cruelly it was cut short, the love they'd found was still worth it. Randel didn't see it that way. He saw it as something horrific… something terrible."

He saw her tears and sighed, "I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad, Kibble. I'm telling you so that you'll understand. It's not that he thinks you are unworthy of his love. Far from it. He does love you; I know that. He knows it too. But he won't allow himself to even consider building a life with you. He can't. Not yet. Maybe not ever. And you need to steel yourself for that possibility."

And so, she had. She went on with life as she always did, keeping a cheerful countenance and never letting anyone know how shredded her heart was. And she swore to herself that when Randel returned… she would let him be. She would let him make whatever decision he needed to make without her interference. She could only hope that the decision he would make was the one she prayed for.


Author's Notes:

Jareth and Karina's Daddy/Daughter talk was very reminiscent of the discussions I would have with my own father. When I needed comforting, I went to Mom. When I needed a loving kick in the butt, I went to Dad. I wanted to reflect that Karina and Jareth have that kind of relationship, where they can talk about anything with each other.

Karina had no idea of Randel's backstory, at least not much beyond that he'd been orphaned and adopted by Jareth's parents. She thought (as most people did) that he was just a player because that's how he wanted to be... and that if he met the 'right girl' he would change his mind. She had no idea of the deep emotional scarring he'd suffered, nor the almost phobic fear he had of having a family. What she'd thought was just an avoidance of commitment was actually genuine terror.

In a very real sense, Randel feels the emptiness of not having a heart-mate and tries to fill that void with variety (with no success, I might add). His heart, on the other hand, knows what it wants... and it wants Karina. His head hasn't caught up with that, and Jareth is afraid that it never will. He felt that Karina needed to understand where Randel was coming from, and understand that Randel wasn't rejecting her from any fault of her own.