A/N: Okay, there's quite a lot that I want to say but even now I'm struggling to articulate it in the most cohesive way possible. This story is very, very personal to me. It's something that I've been apprehensive about writing about just because of how personal it is. I don't want to explain why that is the case but I just want to emphasise I know exactly what I'm writing hahah! So if I get any comments that are like "erm actually ️ " then you can be rest assured that I'll be in your walls.
But yeah, that aside. This story was originally meant to be just a one-shot. No more than 10K words and it even started off as a drabble that was no more than nine-hundred words. It was something that I started a year ago and left in the docs.
As you can see though, the story has written itself and has now become a two-shot. I did think about posting the entire thing regardless of its word count but as I reached over 20K words during the second half of the story and realised it would go over 30K, I thought it would be better to split it into two. As you fellas read this, I'm around halfway working on the second chapter of this story so I should update in about a month or less at maximum (HOPEFULLY LMAO).
With that said and done, I really, really hope you all enjoy this story!
"I wanna make it real
(Connection to awakening)
I wanna make it real
(Perfect formation)"
DUNK - THE ORAL CIGARETTES feat. Masato (coldrain)
さだめ
(sa-da-meh)
Fate, Destiny, Serendipity, Luck, Karma
The development of events beyond a person's control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power.
~(x)~
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.
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"—uWAAAA! A-A-A-Adrien!?" The sight of seeing his good friend jump up as high as his alter-ego's namesake had the boy stifle a mischievous smile, eating up the way her face bloomed with that adorable shade of sakura and it made her baby blues practically sparkle under the curtain of her silky, midnight hair. Her flustered expression then quickly changed into a pouty scowl and she planted her hands on her hips (in a very familiar, déjà-vu-like way). "You did that on purpose, didn't you? Sneaking up on me, again?" Her tone was dry and for a split second, he almost braced himself for her to flick his nose softly; but he was quick to brush it off, his brain reminding him that right before him was Marinette Dupain-Cheng and not Ladybug…
(Right?)
Pushing that thought process at the backburner for the umpteenth time, he felt his mouth quirk up into an even softer smile this time round and he brought his phone out, gesturing it towards her.
"Oh— you texted?" She whipped her phone out carelessly, almost dropping the device onto the floor but she managed to catch it just in time. She directed a bashful grin to her loveable companion who simultaneously reached for the phone and he too found himself mirroring her cute expression with a sheepish, adorable smile of his own. "What's this? 'Did you drink at least half of the bottle of water by now?', 'Have you taken your ADHD medication before coming to school today?', 'Look at this angry cat picture I found online. This will be you if you haven't eaten your lunch. Please eat on time'." All of the sass and composure seeped out of her tiny being the more she read through his barrages of sweet text messages, feeling a little bad for not checking her phone sooner but the overwhelm of his clear concern and affection for her practically made her speechless.
Adrien came closer, his gentle fingers caressed the side of her face sweetly and he handed her a bottle of water, beckoning for her to drink and ignoring (or trying his utmost best to do so) the way her pretty pink lips pooched at the sight of the beverage. Mon Dieu, she can be so, so fucking cute.
"I don't want to drink that." He furrowed his brows at her stubbornness, shaking his head and pressed the bottle into her hands. "I already drank so much water today~!" This time, his facial features changed into one that was a challenging expression, pursing his lips and before Marinette could even act, he darted behind her and grabbed her very full water bottle out of her rucksack victoriously. He ignored her protests and glared at the bottle with a little (kissable) gape. "Okay, fine! You got me. I barely touched it. Here!" In a fashion that was way too similar to the love of his life, she snatched the lid off the bottle he gave her and chugged all the water down in large gulps, the girl internally realising that she was in fact very, very thirsty and was quite dehydrated. But he didn't need to know that, did he? The silly boy didn't need his already larger-than-life ego to be fed anymore otherwise he would become insufferable.
Meanwhile, the feline within Adrien purred in delight, more than happy with having things go his way and getting his lovely Marinette to make a healthy decision. A feat that even her best friend Alya struggled with on a day-to-day basis! It took him everything to not puff up his chest with pride in the very same fashion as his alter-ego's! However, he couldn't stop the way his lips curled into a prominent 'w' which would remind any bypasser of a smug little cat that got the cream.
Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, Marinette directed a mock glower towards him and all he did in return was flutter his lashes 'innocently'. The curious, meddling part of his brain however was very vocal about the interestingly strange and familiar warmth that flickered in her baby blues, as if she was seeing all of him and he wasn't quite sure what to make of that expression. It was like a gradual flame that grew bigger and bigger the more that time went on and no matter how much he ransacked his mind, Adrien couldn't understand the mystery. But he was determined to find out.
.
"You are such a worrywart." She handed the empty bottle back to him but her voice was all sweetness and endearment, never mad at him for wanting to make sure that she was doing okay. "You should spend your free time having fun or doing the things you like, Adrien." Her timidness crept back into her demeanour and it was taking Adrien everything within his body not to pepper her soft face with kisses because she deserved to be kissed and dammit— why is she so cute?
So he did the next best thing, braving through the way his heart ricocheted within his ribcage and the butterflies that fluttered in the pit of his stomach.
He brought one of her hardworking hands to his lips, his earnest gaze never leaving hers and moved his mouth.
'But I like looking after you,' He mouthed against her sensitive skin, not knowing what else to do when she instantly erupted with so many beautiful shades of pink but watch her with his adoring gaze. Word soup and indescribable babbles left her lips and before she knew it, Marinette ended up pressing her face against his chest, unable to handle the intimacy any longer. He felt his chest vibrate with silent laughter the more she squealed with mortification, earning a well-deserved light slap on the shoulder.
"Stop laughing at me! Silly Cha— silly Adrien!"
.
Thankfully, luck was on her side for he didn't catch her slip-up and used the opportunity to hold her close in a sweet embrace, shamelessly indulging in her warmth and the way her scent engulfed him like a cosy blanket on a harsh winter's night.
He loved, loved, loved being around Marinette. Adrien just hoped that she understood the extent of how much he truly treasured her and how he genuinely enjoyed being by her side. Especially since he can't say anything at all no matter how much the words ached to leap out of his throat and roll off his tongue.
Bittersweetly, he wished that he was normal.
That he could just say what was on his mind and converse with everyone around with ease and not be treated as if he was made of glass that was ready to shatter at any moment. That he could laugh properly whenever Ladybug made one of her silly faces at an annoying Akuma and be able to tell her to her face how much he truly loved her.
That he would do anything for her.
Until then, he wouldn't let anything stop him from expressing himself and treating his loved ones the way he wanted to treat them to the best of his abilities.
He will continue to feed Plagg with all the cheese the little God of destruction desired with an endeared roll of eyes and a secret smile on his face. He will continue to hype Alya up with her journalism and fanboy about Ladybug with her in group chats shamelessly and savour all of her loving hair ruffles (even if it was a chore to brush his hair back into place). He will continue to drop everything and listen to Nino's latest playlist and give him a shoulder to lean on when things are getting rough for his heart such as when Alya has had the umpteenth close call with an Akuma or when his family life is becoming too much of a burden.
He will continue to keep tabs on Marinette to ensure that she isn't neglecting her health for the millionth time when keeping herself busy with her hundreds of responsibilities and stare at her with pleading kitten eyes for a glimpse of her sketchbook (which works every single time) and see all the brilliant things she can come up with. He will also keep spooking her by appearing by her side silently because damn it, the faces and sounds she makes after she registers his presence is both the funniest and cutest thing ever!
Most importantly.
Adrien will continue to protect and fight by his Lady's side as Chat Noir for as long as she wants him around and make the battles fun by texting her puns and jokes as well as gesture to the best of his ability how much he absolutely, immensely, loves her.
To the moon, to the stars, to the universe.
~(x)~
"Just say something! Say anything! I know you can, Adrien!" Though Gabriel's hair was completely dishevelled and his breath reeked of alcohol, his bony fingers digging into the boy's shoulders with desperation and his face scruffy from all the patchy stubble, all that Adrien could hear was white noise and his eyes remained unseeing. "I've already lost her— I can't lose you too! Speak, boy! SPEAK!" Before his father could go as far as rattle the brain out of his passive son's skull, Nathalie and the Gorilla burst through the door and apprehended the screaming man. The blond boy barely registered the way his meek little body sunk to its knees in a pathetic slump, still lost in the white noise and unresponsive to the brutal, chaotic mess that was his father.
"Sir— please— you—" Nathalie could hardly get a word in as Gabriel continued to scream at his son from the top of his lungs like a deranged man on the loose from the nearest institute. He howled and scratched and was damn near close to dislocating his limbs just to get away from the pair and rush towards his boy on all fours and the poor woman genuinely thought they would have to resort to calling the police or ambulance just to calm him down. She couldn't fault him for it though. She couldn't blame him at all for the way he was reacting. She too was lost in the horror and grief regarding Émilie's 'disappearance', having loved the woman from afar for a very long time and masking her true desires to avoid getting in between the beautiful woman and her husband.
She was even by their side and secretly believed that she was practically Adrien's third parent as he grew up, the four of them a weird close-knit family that unconditionally loved each other in their own ways and thought that they would last forever.
.
But Émilie is now gone.
So Adrien suddenly stopped talking.
And Gabriel is losing what little sanity he has left.
"I know you can talk! Just do it! Snap out of it, Adrien— LET ME GO— I CAN DO IT! I CAN FIX HIM! I WILL FIX MY SON! I WILL FIX EVERYTHING! ADRIEN!" The boy watched emotionlessly as his father was finally dragged out of his bedroom by the other two, kicking and screaming, the ear-deafening sound of the doors slamming ricocheting against the walls and the vicinity became lifeless once more after the dust settled.
The boy remained in his slumped, wordless state without even a twitch of a muscle. As if he was a mindless puppet and his master had long abandoned him in a place where no one would ever find him. A thousand million things ran through his head as he sat there, intensifying the white noise that blared through his eardrums and cloaked his vision. The animalistic shrieks belonging to his father, all ripping out of his mouth with spit and venom whilst pure insanity steeled itself within his grey blues. The way his long limbs kicked and scratched and twisted themselves like a bunch of captured snakes, smacking themselves against the hard ground like fangs slashing the air with a thirst for his blood.
The way raw, hurt tears streamed down the older man's face and turned his tanned complexion splotchy, his heart obviously shattered and cleaved and diced until all that he felt was excruciating pain.
However, the one thing his brain always came running back to was the last time he saw his mother. He didn't remember what they talked about during that breakfast or what she wiped off his cheek with a giggle whilst lightly reprimanding him for his poor culinary manners but there was nothing in the world that could ever make him forget the way her green, green, so beautifully green eyes shimmered in pure love and delight that moment. The way that her perfectly painted red lips quirked into that silly grin (that everyone couldn't help but point out how he inherited that same smile). The way the light shone just right behind her, lighting up the stray strands of her golden hair like glittery threads, giving her an ethereal glow.
But dammit, dammit, DAMMIT TO HELL.
He couldn't remember what they were talking about for the life of him! The last words that she gave him before she was gone! The topic that made her laugh so much during their last breakfast, she almost had an asthma attack so he worriedly pushed all her inhalers in her hands in a panic! The babble of words that slipped out of his concerned mouth which in turn had her fall into a fit of laughter and coughs all over again which thankfully ended soon with her quietly giggling and his eyes threatening to pool with tears!
Adrien wanted to grab his past self by the throat and crush that stupid boy's windpipes for not savouring the moments with his mother better. He wanted to tear out his hair handfuls at a time and scream at his face for not treating every second with her as her last because even he wasn't oblivious enough to not notice the way her body was deteriorating every single fucking day from a sickness no doctor in the world could ever heal.
He hated him, he hated him, he hated him, HE HATED HIM.
.
But he hates himself more.
.
He didn't know how much time had passed since his father was here, only noting that the sunlight was replaced with moonlight and that a sharp, cold breeze filled up his room from the open windows like a tsunami of ice-cold water. The white noise from his system was gone and he was greeted with a chilling silence that clung to the house stubbornly like a vice. The only sign of life was the glow of light from outside his room and it seeped through the cracks of his door enticingly. Most likely, Nathalie and the Gorilla managed to successfully subdue Gabriel from his breakdown but couldn't leave his side just in case he flipped out again hence why no one has come for him yet.
'Subdued because he lost his mind after I lost my…'
Just like that, the boy was flooded with guilt and guilt and just so much guilt that spilt from the brims and oozed out in the form of tears, dripping down his face and onto the floor without the end in sight.
He did that.
He turned his father into that.
Movement returned to his fragile little body and his limbs scrambled themselves to stand up, only for his legs to buckle beneath his weight because it was still so numb and lacked any strength whatsoever. Adrien wasn't deterred. He grimaced at his useless legs and clawed his way to the door, the immense urge to just leave and get to his father reeking with more desperation than ever. His arms were weak and his body felt like it was entirely made of lead, making each crawl to his destination harder and harder and harder.
But if there was at least one thing in the world that Adrien and his father had in common, it was their unimaginable stubbornness.
He was determined to make it out of the door and escape the suffocating guilt that riddled his entire frame; he needed, needed to see his father and ensure that he was okay and that he wouldn't leave him as well—
"—I can't Nathalie. I can't face him." The muffled sound of Gabriel's voice just a few metres away from his bedroom door out in the corridors had Adrien freeze on the spot and sit on his knees. His muscles tense and his eyes continuing to water like a baby.
"Sir— Gabriel. Your child is terrified. He needs you now more than ever."
"Well if he's so terrified why can't he just TELL ME!"
"Gabriel, please! It's not easy on him either! He's only ten years old—"
"I lost my wife and I'm not letting my son lose himself either! He needs to show me that he will stay strong NOW!" The man's voice rose in volume, overpowering his secretary who struggled to make him understand his son's poor plight. Finding a sudden burst of strength, Adrien scrambled to his bedroom door, slipping and tripping over his legs a few times and then finally placed his sore hands against the surface. His mouth opened and closed like a gaping fish out of water yet not even a single sound left his throat.
With tears streaming down his face more than ever, he tried and tried and tried and tried again with all his might. But to no avail. Impulsively, he clasped his neck with both hands and squeezed the ever-loving God out of the flesh, hoping, praying, begging for even a little cry to slip out and make everything right again. He squeezed so hard that he struggled to breathe and that only pushed him to keep up with the crushing force—
"Gabriel! You can't leave him! Not like this! He needs your help! At least check on him yourself!"
"...If I had the ability to fix what was broken, Émilie would still be around."
.
Oh.
He's broken.
Adrien's hands slipped from his dark, bruised neck and his body thumped against the door lightly, his eyes becoming unseeing again and his heart crushed into smithereens.
.
'If only I was the one who was gone instead of Maman…'
~(x)~
"Are you in position, Chat Noir?" The sound of his partner's business-like voice in his earpiece sent delightful shivers down the hero's spine and he had to chew the inside of his mouth to avoid grinning like the lovesick fool he truly is. Without a beat, he clicked his tongue twice to signal a 'yes' and got his baton ready. "Brilliant. Let's wrap this battle up in time for school, mon Chaton! I don't know about you but if I'm late to class one more time, I'll be in huge trouble!" After spotting the sight of her yoyo being flung towards the sky a good distance away, Ladybug clearly summoning a Lucky Charm, Chat Noir attacked the Akuma of the day as swiftly as his namesake and held him in a tight but painless chokehold with his weapon.
The Akuma let out a defiant roar, prattling out curse words in English and ranting about how he would stop at nothing to teach the Parisians a well-deserved lesson for not speaking the same language as him. The superpowered puppet villain tried his everything to move and shrug the hero off his five-metre build but unfortunately for him, Chat Noir was much, much stronger than he seemed and he refused to let go. Like a tiny little kitten whose claws were stubbornly etched into a sheet of fabric, creating a rather comical sight for any onlookers nearby.
Fortunately, the vicinity was practically empty thanks to the civilians evacuating so the heroes didn't have to worry too much about the Akuma causing immense wreckage all over the place and tearing up the roads with his medieval-looking flails.
"YOU INSOLENT MENACE! GET OFF ME OR ELSE I SHALL SKIN YOU ALIVE LIKE THE FLEABAG YOU ARE!" The Akuma spat, even going as far as shaking his body but the feline didn't even budge. More creative yet brutal insults were hurled towards the hero but it was all for nought because just like the many Parisians nearby, he too didn't know a lick of English (barring a couple of well-known words here and there). The villain's thick, northern accent didn't help either. On one hand, Chat Noir was really curious about what the Akuma was angrily spouting out of his mouth but on the other, knowing how incredibly severe and cutthroat his cousin Félix could be with his words alone, he knew that sometimes ignorance was bliss.
"YOU ABSOLUTE KNOBHEAD! GE' OFFA ME!" Ooh! Ooh! He knew that one! He knew what that one meant! Sort of. Ish. "AND YOU! SHUT UP ABOUT GETTING THE MIRACULOUS! YOUR SNOBBY RICH MAN VOICE PISSES ME OFF! WHO D'YA THINK YA ARE!? HUH!?" The Akuma was yelling at le Papillon now, attempting to swat the butterfly silhouette off his face, only to accidentally whack his jaw with the spiked ball at the end of one of his flails and possibly shattering the bone. "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"
Owch.
"Hang on a little longer, Chaton!"
His 'go-for-it!' grin was all that Ladybug needed when she came into view and she commenced with her attack using the broken keys that belonged to her Lucky Charm piano (a piano? Mon Dieu, she was given an actual whole ass piano!? She could have gotten squashed when it fell from the sky!). She nailed the chains of the Akuma's flails down using the piano keys with brute strength alone and that was all the indication Chat Noir needed to activate his Cataclysme using his willpower, slamming his hand against the villain's armour chest plate after his partner yelled to do so, earning a pained groan from the villain.
'You're saved now, old man.' The boy smiled with relief.
Decay and destruction never looked so good as the material crumbled into ashes and the akumatised villain reverted back to his human form, leaving behind a despicable purple butterfly that fluttered out of the remains of the armour. Sighing with an infatuated grin and gooey eyes, Chat Noir watched Ladybug capture and cleanse the butterfly before unleashing her healing light, restoring the city back to the way it was, curing the injured and making him fall for her all over again like clockwork.
'She's so amazing~' He cooed internally, his smile now even bigger as he leaned against his baton, resembling the many shōjo characters who swooned over their love interests in the mangas he loved to read. 'I love you so much, Ladybug. So, so, so much!' It was after that thought that their eyes met for a split second and all the air was knocked out of his lungs. The unlabelled, sizzling tension between them both that's been steadily growing since they met became taut and for a moment then, it was just them two in the world. Whilst both of their faces simultaneously burned with a sweet redness, his Lady tilted her head to the side ever so slightly and delivered a soft, soft smile that had his heart batter his chest at indescribable speeds. Had it been possible, he would have physically melted like butter right away and turned into a puddle in a snap with bright red hearts floating around his body. 'MY LADY! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! MARRY ME!'
"Bien joué, Chat Noir." And when her tiny but firm knuckles met his for their traditional fistbump of victory, the hero could have sworn that he was on cloud nine. It was just the two of them right here right this very moment and he wouldn't have minded if they stayed like that forever.
'I love, love, love, love you—'
"Erm…excu-uuuuse me? What's going on 'ere? Please, please, PLEASE tell me you speak English, miss…" Unfortunately for Chat Noir, he was forced back to reality and his Lady's attention was back on the miserable-looking English tourist. The boy didn't even bother hiding his pout, feline ears twisting backwards with dissatisfaction and belt tail limp against the floor like a kitten who was denied his pets. Thankfully for him, his partner wasn't too oblivious to his disappointment and gave him another smile.
"Go to our usual place and recharge. We have about…" She flipped open her yoyo and her face brightened. "We have around forty-five minutes to spare before we should go back home and get ready for school, Chaton. I'll bring some breakfast after I recharge. See you!" And she ruffled his fluffy hair with one hand, earning an embarrassing purr from the taller teen and silently giggling at the sound. Chat Noir definitely did NOT go beet red after that.
"Miss…? Erm, erm, j'ai no parfait France! Erm!" The poor guy looked like he was on the verge of being reakumatised or even bawling his eyes out so Ladybug immediately went back to pacify him, leaving Chat Noir just mere minutes to skedaddle before his ring gave out and he detransformed.
But not before getting a good glimpse of how perfectly his partner spoke English to the now relieved-looking man, all traces of frustration and embarrassment leaving the adult's body as the heroine pat his arm.
'Huh…her accent…it's the same as…as Maman's…'
And something deep and heavy grew within the inside of his throat in an instant, his eyes suddenly stinging with oncoming tears and his shoulders heavy.
Merde, not again…
~(x)~
"Adrien, you have a photoshoot to attend in— what…what is all of this…?" After almost dropping her iPad to the floor, Nathalie gawked at the twelve-year-old boy whose entire bedroom floor was scattered with mountains of books and dictionaries, transforming the environment into a makeshift obstacle course for the secretary. "They're all…about English…?" She murmured after picking one of the books up and when she finally saw his head slowly peek out from behind one of the many mounds of paper, her heart shattered.
His eyes were bloodshot and his complexion was splotchy with redness and sticky with dried tears. Nathalie didn't even get the chance to run up to him and give him a hug like she desperately wanted to because immediately, the boy darted towards his mini whiteboard and scribbled something down before showing her what he had written.
'If I can learn to read and write English like Maman, will Papa love me again?"
Her heart was completely destroyed beyond repair and in order to not break down in front of him, Nathalie swallowed down her saliva harshly and walked towards the pitiful-looking boy as carefully as possible. As if he was a stray little kitten who was stranded inside a box behind a building in the middle of a thunderstorm, soaking wet and scared out of its poor little mind. The way he solemnly watched her with his messy blond hair shadowing his dull green eyes only made her internally pray to any deity that was listening to bring happiness back to his life because she was far too powerless and cowardly to do anything substantial enough to help.
She's not his mother after all and nobody, nobody could ever replace Émilie.
"Your Papa has never stopped loving you, Adrien." She crouched down to his level, fingers itching to smooth through his hair and bring him into her arms but her brain didn't allow that (refusing to cross the professional, lonely boundary between her and the Agreste household that's been standing strong for many, many years). "You don't need to force yourself to learn English if you don't want to."
She received a defiant shake of his head, tears welling up in his eyes anew as he rubbed the previous question off his whiteboard and scribbled something else down.
'He hates me because I'm broken.'
Oh no, no, no, no…
He scribbled something else down after that.
'Why can't I understand English like everyone else? Why is it so hard for me?'
It was conveniently something she talked about with his psychiatrist after Adrien's last appointment. If Nathalie could recall correctly, Mademoiselle. Gerrard mentioned how since the language was one of the few main things the boy associated deeply with his mother, it has very likely manifested into a painful mental block therefore making it incredibly difficult for him to grasp. That every time Adrien comes across the language, he's reminded over and over again about the loss of his mother, making him lose complete focus.
It also didn't help that back when Émilie was still around, she wanted as little contact with the Graham de Vanily family as possible barring her twin sister and Félix, therefore, she mainly raised Adrien in French. As if to keep her little boy as far away as possible from her side of the family whom she deemed to be far too wicked and malicious for her innocent little angel. An unnecessary protective measure in Nathalie's opinion but once again, she's not the boy's parent.
(Whether she likes it or not…)
"We all learn at a different pace, so don't worry. I didn't become fluent in English until I was around eighteen. And even now I struggle with it from time to time." She offered what she hoped was an encouraging smile and drew a little happy face on the corner of his whiteboard. "You're not broken. You're just going through a hard time in your own way and there's nothing wrong with that. Take all the time you need to get better and please do not stress over English. You're very good at Mandarin, Spanish and German so far and that's more than good enough."
He let out a sharp exhale through the nose, brows furrowing and teeth nibbling the flesh of his bottom lip hard. Adrien began writing again.
'What if by the time I get better and even get good at English…Papa forgets all about me?'
.
This time, Nathalie didn't hold back and stomped professionalism to the ground, bringing the sad lonely little boy into her arms and holding him as if her entire life depended on it. She stifled her tears when she felt his body tense up, as if he was completely confused by her action and never experienced something like it. By the time Adrien slowly relaxed in her embrace and grasped the fabric of her blazer, the secretary was faced with a horrifying, heartbreaking realisation.
.
When was the last time that Adrien received an act of physical affection?
It's been two years since his mother's disappearance and instead of being by the little boy's side like he should have, Gabriel submerged himself fully into his work (as well as coming up with ways to bring his wife back to life) and has not even faced his son once since the empty casket funeral. Adrien was left in the care of the very, very few caretakers they had in the household and was mainly left completely alone after his homeschooling lessons.
He ate breakfast all alone on the table.
He ate lunch all alone on the table.
He ate dinner all alone on the table.
He even has to take himself to bed all alone.
It was no wonder why Adrien felt abandoned like a broken toy and instead of blaming everyone else for it like he rightly should, he's been too busy stressing himself out and forcing himself to learn his late mother's language in hopes of a possible crumb of his father's affection. Nathalie's blood virtually boiled on his behalf and for a moment there, she wanted to storm into Gabriel's office, drag him down to her level by the collar and scream—
The feel of wetness seeping into her shirt paused her internal rant as she realised that Adrien was silently weeping in her hold, his whole body trembling and seeming smaller than ever. She held onto him tighter and tangled up her fingers within his blond tresses, letting him cry as long as he wanted. The world could be ending and all the ancient Gods could be fighting but nothing, nothing will tear her away from Émilie's boy and if they were to ever be separated with him still so touch-starved and so vulnerable, Nathalie would unleash the entirety of Hell upon this miserable planet.
.
After tucking an exhausted Adrien into his far too-large bed and cleaning his lifeless room, Nathalie made her way to Gabriel's office and closed the door.
She screamed.
She yelled.
She cried.
.
But as usual, Gabriel Agreste said nothing in return.
~(x)~
The sudden appearance of Plagg's unamused eyes in his vision startled Adrien out of his bitter recollection of the past, almost causing him to jump out of his skin and roll off the rooftop he was sitting on just like his alter ego's namesake. The boy pulled a face at the little God of destruction, raising a brow as if to say 'What is it this time?'.
"I'm still hungry." The kwami whined, not even twitching an ear at the incredulous look Adrien directed towards him, as if the little creature hadn't just consumed two whole wheels of camembert in less than seven minutes (a new record too no less!). "When is she coming back? It's been a-aaaaaaaages. I'll perish if I don't get a bite of those cheesy, tasty ham and cheese croissants she promised to get for ME specifically! UuughhhhhHHhHh…"
'It's been five minutes.' Adrien mouthed with a roll of his eyes, even holding up his hand to fully emphasise his words. Despite his blatant annoyance, the boy was secretly grateful for his companion distracting him away from his painful thoughts and memories, allowing a little smile to slip out when Plagg continued to whine and pull all sorts of theatrics regarding the lack of food like your typical housecat. Ever since opening the small magical box that was snuck into his bedroom and meeting Plagg for the first time, it's as if his loneliness was blasted away thanks to the little God's presence.
Plagg always seemed to know when Adrien was disassociating or spiralling down the rabbit hole that was his unresolved feelings towards his family and the excruciating isolation that came with being mute. The little God always found a way to snap him out of it and bring a smile to his wielder's face and this time was no exception.
"You were thinking about your mother again, weren't you?" The kwami prodded, settling on his holder's knee with a rare look of concern on his feline features for the boy. "Remember, I can always put a telepathic link between us so that you can tell me anything you want without having to type it all out." Plagg's lips upturned into a goofy little fanged grin the second Adrien's face soured at his suggestion. They tried out the telepathic link one time a week after he received the ring and even till now, Adrien gets stressful fever-induced dreams about Plagg crying for cheese in his head in a hundred million voices in a never-ending loop.
'I'm okay.' Adrien gestured flippantly and then reached for his phone in his pocket, opening the notepad app. 'I was just suddenly reminded of her.' If Plagg had eyebrows, he would have raised them.
"That grumpy tourist reminded you of her?" This earned the little God a small huff and an endeared grin, the boy shaking his head. "Well, I'm glad that's not the case. I'd like to think that at least your mother was a good parent, unlike that sorry excuse of a human being." Plagg's burning ire towards Adrien's father was nothing new but it still hurt to know that his beloved companion really, really hated the man (giving Nino a run for his money). Especially since Adrien still loved him (even if it was absolutely clear that the same sentiment wasn't returned from Gabriel's side). "Sorry, kid. I know you don't like it when I talk smack about that walking-talking candy cane who thinks having his hair resemble a goose's ass is the most fashionable thing ever. Even if he deserves it." The teen only smiled sadly at the kwami, stroking the God's kitten-like head to express that he wasn't angry with him.
'It's okay.' Adrien reiterated, his smile losing its gloom as Plagg's purrs grew in volume from the head rub. God of destruction or not, the kwami was such a cat through and through and the teen wouldn't change a single thing about him.
Talking shit about his father and all (because sometimes, the things he says are actually really funny).
"Yoohoo! Minou, Minou, Minou! Is it safe for me to come over yet?" Ladybug's sudden, cheery voice was all that Adrien needed to stand up and immediately transform into Chat Noir and before he knew it, his partner was dangling upside down in front of him (using the old tree branch that was perfectly above her Chaton to her advantage and hanging from it using her bandalore's wire). "Hey~!"
The sight of her glittering blue eyes and downright adorable cheeky grin painted with that tasty-looking gloss simply caused all the weight on his shoulders to dissipate like magic and all he wanted to do was bring her in for a sweet, sweet kiss. Instead, Chat Noir simply squished her face teasingly with his fingers, his smile turning devilish from the way she pouted and furrowed her brows under the mask in mock anger.
"Chato-ooooooon…" This time he couldn't help it and pecked her nose, only for Ladybug to yelp in surprise, lose her balance and tumble into a heap on the rooftop whilst her yoyo mercilessly smacked him on the top of his head during its fall.
Owch!
"Ugh…not again." Like the gentleman that his Maman had raised him to be, Chat Noir offered his partner his hand and helped lift her to her feet. "This time it's YOUR fault. Hmmph!" He put on a faux innocent look, belt tail slyly wrapping itself around her ankle and feline ears bending downwards ever so slightly as if to say he simply cannot be capable of doing anything wrong ('Miaou!'). "Y-You surprised me. Idiot." Ladybug was looking away now, a subtle hue of sakura blooming within the apples of her cheekbones under her mask and her kissable lips pursed whilst her hand remained in his, fingers intertwining. Dieu, he really, really, really wanted to kiss her.
It was a side to his partner that only he had the pleasure to see and it never failed to cause the butterflies within the pit of his stomach to flutter. To the rest of the world, Ladybug always carried herself with a strong, confident aura that would put one at ease just by looking at her. An unbreakable beacon of hope and strength who stood for justice and can always be counted on to save the day along with her loyal partner from le Papillon and his Akumas.
But to Chat Noir?
He gets to see the true person under all of that.
She was often clumsy to the point where it made many of their battles harder and landed them in some really messy situations (therefore she's become exceptional at adapting and coming up with solutions on the fly in case the first few dozen of her plans weren't working out and always listened whenever he had an idea).
Sometimes, she resorted to petty measures and let her hotheadedness get the better of her which frequently caused Akumas to emerge (hence why she's learned to manage her emotions better and swallow her pride and apologise whenever she was in the wrong).
Ladybug was also far too selfless to the point of neglecting herself, taking on more burdens than her tiny shoulders could ever carry (and that's why he was always there to ensure that she had him to take on the weight by her side, that he will always be there for her through thick and thin and nothing, nothing in the entire universe can ever tear them apart).
Watching his partner grow from the shy, nervous, insecure little girl she started as when Ivan was akumatised as Cœur de Pierre to the wonderful, powerful heroine she is now only filled Chat Noir's heart with pride on her behalf over and over and over again. She was the person he admired the most in the world and being by her side be it during the good times and the bad times only made him fall deeper and deeper in love with his Lady. She was just simply amazing like that.
But the best part of it all?
Getting to see her so shy and so flustered from time to time, especially when he's feeling a little brave and showering her with the physical affection she deserves. Embraces that last for a hundred thousand eternities. Traditional pecks to the hardworking knuckles of her hand as a greeting. Intimate kisses to the cheek and forehead because it's one of the many, many ways he can tell her how much he loves, loves, loves her.
(Not to mention that there's always something so familiar and heartwarming whenever his Lady has all her vulnerabilities laid out before him, especially when she becomes really bashful and stumbles over her words).
"Ch-Chaton? Is everything okay? You've zoned out again." Ladybug brought him back to reality and it was then that Chat Noir noticed that he had a hand tenderly palming the side of her face, her stray hair tangled within his clawed fingers and his thumb smoothing itself across her soft jawline. His other hand remained tightly interlocked with her fingers and within his grasp, she looked so, so vulnerable, baring the entirety of her soul towards him within the depths of her baby blue eyes. He could feel himself getting lost in them as if he was diving deeper and deeper into the deep blue sea. "Chat Noir?"
Unconsciously, he pressed his forehead against hers, their prominent height difference causing him to bend down ever so slightly for that warm contact. Chat Noir continued to watch her without an indication of what was going on in his head, his facial expressions were neutral but his eyes held a raw, desperate plea within the greens. 'What are you thinking about when you look at me like that, Ladybug?' He wished that he could say, still quite puzzled by the oh-so-familiar yet elusive light that glimmered within her eyes every time they landed on his frame (as if she knew all of him inside and out).
"O-O-Our breakfast is getting cold. I even coffee got— I mean— I g-got coffee…for us." The longer he intensely watched her below the lengths of his dark lashes, the redder his Lady became and the worse she stuttered. "Is there s-something on my face? Ch-Ch-Chaton Noir…?" She was looking away again so he lightly grazed the sharp of his nose against hers, feeling her hot breath hit his tingling lips which only invited him to come closer and closer and closer—
"OH! OH-LALALALA! My coffee has leaked!" Just like that, the moment was gone and his partner rushed by the chimney he was originally perched up against not too long ago, coming back with a picnic basket with the most tantalising, delicious aroma wafting out of it and a cupholder that held his perfectly intact coffee cup whilst hers…
Oh.
His poor Lady.
Her coffee cup was unfortunately tipped on its side, half of its content drenching the outside of the paper exterior and the holder beneath, slowly turning the grey cardboard into mush. What caused his heart to stutter was the genuinely distraught expression his partner wore and the way her eyes started to water with big fat tears. Ah, that's right. The Akuma battle started before five in the morning.
And Ladybug wasn't a morning person.
At all.
'We can share?' He gestured, taking the contents from her hands and seating her down with him on the tiles. He offered her his coffee cup with an encouraging smile, beckoning her to take a couple of sips to make up for the amount of drink she lost.
"...Are you sure?" Dieu, Dieu, Dieu, she was SO cute! His dissatisfaction from earlier on was completely gone and he could only nod enthusiastically, his Lady rewarding him with one of the most happiest smiles he'd ever seen on her and practically shooting his heart with a hundred million cupid arrows all at once. "Mon petit gentil Minou~" She cooed and patted the side of his face a few times before taking a large, indulgent gulp of his coffee. He just wanted to pull off his miraculous ring and offer it to her as a proposal right there and then, dammit!
As long as she continued to bless him with those soft endearments and touch him like the most precious thing in the world then Chat Noir was completely fine with her changing the topic or acting weird or even running away every time he tried to embark on the more romantic territories or look for answers concerning their relationship (especially regarding how she viewed him and where he stood in her heart). Well, for now at least. The next time he tries to ask and she tries to escape the situation, he is going to bring out the kitten eyes. Hmmph! 'Good luck escaping that, my Lady.' He took a sip of her coffee after noting that she was already (unintentionally) more than halfway through his and—
"PFFFFFFFFFFFT!"
Spat it out.
Chat Noir eyed the cup in complete disgust and then snapped his gaze towards his guilty-looking partner. He shuffled closer, waving the nearly empty cup in front of her with a raised brow as if to say 'What the fuck did I just drink?'. No amount of cuteness that she radiated with after she pursed her lips was going to get her out of this.
"It's just sixteen shots of espresso…and I don't exactly remember how much sugar I put in either…"
QUOI!?
"Hang on, I should be the angry one here! You just spat out three shots! What a waste of coffee!" He retorted back by pouring the rest of her drink into a nearby plant pot below the rooftop, not even flinching when his partner wailed his name out pathetically and stretched out an arm. She then proceeded to huddle against the chimney to sulk like a toddler and directed her angry blues at him, looking just like his namesake. "You stink, Chat Noir!"
He swiftly texted her his response using his baton.
'You're welcome for saving your life from an early heart attack, you big baby!' She only sulked louder to the point where he believed that she would give his kwami a run for his money in the whinging for consumable products department. He went back to his baton. 'By the way, I want my coffee back.'
"Whoops. Already finished it." Ladybug huffed unapologetically, waving the empty cup with a downright evil smirk. "Instead of throwing my coffee away, you could have mixed in some milk and had it later. Hah!"
'NoooOOoooOOooOOoo…' He was looking forward to a sip of his favourite cinnamon bun latte too and instead, became the umpteenth victim of his Lady's pettiness. 'And I was just looking out for you too!'
The next time she has a coffee mishap, Chat Noir is definitely, absolutely, unequivocally NOT sharing his drink with her again! He means it!
.
(He ended up sharing his bubble tea with her the very next day because bad luck struck his partner and she had her entire cup stolen by the most biggest, nastiest seagull either of them had ever seen.)
~(x)~
'What's all this?' A thirteen-year-old Adrien gestured to the selection of new books and pamphlets that Nathalie arranged on the dining table that evening, a slow but uncomfortable feeling of dread burrowing itself within the pit of his stomach. He was looking forward to eating dinner with her (a new tradition that's been ongoing for the past year or so, easing his solitude ever so slightly) but after getting a glimpse of the books' titles, he lost his appetite and his blood ran cold.
He suddenly wanted to leave.
"Adrien…" Nathalie began, standing up from her seat and making her way towards the boy, silently noting that he'd gotten another growth spurt and was reaching the same height as her shoulders. It wouldn't be long until he overtook her. "I just had a meeting with your doctors, psychiatrists and counsellors whilst you were at your lessons. They…We all suggested that it would be very beneficial for you to start learning sign language." Bile immediately crept up Adrien's throat and he felt his eyes sting.
With haste, he snatched his whiteboard out of his side bag and scribbled down his response, biting down his bottom lip hard to stop himself from crying.
'I don't want to.'
He didn't need to look up to know that his guardian had her brows furrowed and that her perfectly painted red lips were parted in slight shock. He was usually a very compliant child and hardly ever refused anyone's demands or expectations of him, always eager to please everyone. But this is the one thing he really, really did not want to do.
"I don't understand. Don't you want to be able to communicate without having to constantly use your whiteboard or your phone?" She was met with him biting down harder on his lip, knuckles whitening from his grip on his whiteboard and his face reddening. "I'll be taking the lessons with you if you're worried about others not knowing sign. The Gorilla already knows how to sign and I can even train the staff to learn too so that they can communicate with you better—"
Adrien simply shook his whiteboard once, nails digging into the melamine coating and fuming greens looking away to the side, still trying (with his everything) not to cry. 'I DON'T WANT TO!' He wanted to yell, his throat tightening up to the point where he felt like he was going to start gasping for air soon and he was ready to flee as fast as possible before his tears rolled down his face.
"...Why?" He had never seen her look so sad and yet so confused at the same time and for a split second, he almost felt bad for turning her down so angrily. "Talk to me, Adrien. We just want to help. Why don't you want to learn?"
If he was still the ten-year-old boy who didn't hesitate to be honest about his feelings, Adrien would have given his answer right away without a beat. However, he was finally in his teens and at a stage where he felt very, very embarrassed for harbouring childish insecurities and thoughts from time to time, causing him to be very tight-lipped about how he truly felt about most things. Not to mention that he was now so much more aware of Nathalie after they got closer, practically seeing her as a parental figure who stepped in when he needed help the most and he genuinely loved her.
The last thing he wanted was to make her feel bad for trying to come up with ways and solutions to help make his life easier by letting his unspoken feelings blind him from the goodness of other people's hearts; so he took a deep, calming breath and tried to get his thoughts in order, his wet eyes now no longer at risk from pooling tears. He rubbed away the previous statement and wrote down something else.
'I want to be able to talk again.'
"Oh…Adrien. I understand that. I really do. And we will find a way to help you get better and talk again as soon as possible. I promise. But in the time being, wouldn't it be easier for you to learn sign?" His eyes began to sting again at her answer. She didn't get it. Nobody would get it. His mind and his heart were at war once again and it was like a thousand bombs were detonating within his roaring bloodstream.
'How would anyone get it? You're never truthful about your fucking feelings, you stupid child! Stop expecting everyone to be able to read your mind!' His brain tore him apart, berating him to the point where he wanted a hole to open up from beneath him and swallow him whole. He could hardly hold the tears back now.
'But he has been! Bit by bit in his own way! Everyone around him should know by now how he truly feels!' His heart wailed, stirring up the ugly emotions within to the point where they were boiling and bubbling to the brim.
Honestly, at the end of the day, how could he ever properly tell her that even after all these years, even after the countless appointments and the numerous professionals involved, Adrien still felt so, so, so broken?
And that by finally giving in and learning sign, he'll feel like he'll never get better and that he's forever broken?
'You're being stupid. If accepting the help that you're so privileged and lucky to get makes you broken, then what about everyone else in the world who is in the same position as you, if not worse off? Are they broken? Boy, are you calling them all broken too?' His mind was a looming, intimidating figure that towered over his frame so easily and had he not known better, he would have mistaken it for his cold, distant father. 'If you want to wallow in self-pity and drown yourself with your tears, be my guest. You're just as selfish and naive as you've always been.'
His heart continued to argue against his harsh, icy brain. 'But he can't help how he feels! He wants to get better so badly that he would practically do anything! Learning sign will only demotivate him and force him to believe that he will never be able to talk again! It's not wrong to feel that way!'
"Adrien?" Nathalie's voice snapped the boy out of the maelstrom that was his loud, angry thoughts and he realised that the woman had bent down slightly to his level, one worried hand resting on his shoulder. "You do not have to make a decision now. I realise that I put you on the spot and should have asked you about it beforehand. I'm sorry." She proceeded to hold him in her arms, flooding all of the teen's senses with her familiar scent and warmth and all he could do in response was close his eyes and clutch the ends of her blazer.
He wished, wished that he could tell her that it wasn't her fault and that she had nothing to apologise for but all that his body allowed him to do was soak her clothes with his childish, foolish tears.
(And the darker, uglier side of him couldn't help but wonder how things would have been different if it had been his father who disappeared instead, the very same man who still hasn't faced him for the past three years. Surely, Adrien wouldn't have been stuck in this position to begin with if his mother was here…
…right?)
~(x)~
His favourite song of the week blared through his (human) ears as Chat Noir happily watered a couple of small plant pots on Marinette's balcony, his earphones connected to his baton and amusement playing on his facial features. His tail also swirled around gleefully behind him and he unconsciously ensured that it wasn't near any other plants or objects to avoid anything getting thrown around (again).
A couple of months ago, Chat Noir escaped the confines of his stuffy house to get some fresh air at night and it would have been another uneventful yet calming stroll had his cat brain not been activated by the sight of a nearby, unlucky pigeon that was waddling around. Before he knew it, he was chasing after the bird as if his life depended on it, zooming through trees and bouncing from rooftop to rooftop in his attempt to catch the clumsy, fleeing creature. The fact that he was severely allergic to feathers wasn't even registered in his mind at all during the chase. By the time he did manage to catch the poor pigeon with his mouth, his allergies finally kicked in and he burst into a fit of quiet, breathy sneezes.
And in the process of that, six plant pots were caught in the crossfire of his body's jolts and frantic movements, meeting their demises by getting knocked over and smashing into the ground two storeys below. The worst part of it all? He happened to be on Marinette's balcony and it was her plants that met their untimely ends and she was right there, watching him with a shocked gape.
"PUT THE BIRD DOWN AND YOU GET HERE RIGHT NOW! OR ELSE!"
Rightfully so, she chewed him out harshly and at the time, the hero was absolutely, deathly afraid of her wrath (he'd seen how furious and rageful she could get at school and as much as he loved watching her tear bad people and bullies apart, he would never, ever want to be at the receiving end of her ire). Much to the feline's surprise, instead of banning him from ever coming near her household again like he feared (even if he was allowed to come over whenever he wanted as Adrien), Marinette demanded some compensation instead.
"Here's a list of all the things you'll need to buy. I want you to make it up to me by looking after these few plants yourself every single day. It's the least you can do after your cat brain destroyed a few years' worth of my hard work. Hmmph! And don't even think about running away. I will drag you back here by the tail if I have to!"
He was genuinely remorseful about the whole incident and understood that making it up to her was the least he could do but at the same time, he couldn't help the excitement that ran through his body like a giddy child expecting Christmas to come early. Hah! Jokes on Marinette, the compensation shtick turned out to be mainly in his favour because not only was he getting the chance to learn to grow his own plants and have a nice place where he could come and go as he pleased but he was also getting quality time with her too! (Oh, and free pastries. Can't forget about the free pastries and sweets that she always offered to him).
Plagg can argue with him all he wants but Chat Noir is absolutely convinced that not only was accidentally murdering those poor six little plants a stroke of good luck, it was also a sign of fate and that he was meant to be on that balcony that very night.
That the bond between his vigilante self and his wonderful good friend was meant to flourish into the strange yet beautiful friendship that it is today.
Chat Noir continued to tend to his precious potted plants with a beam, a lullaby cover of 'Moonlight Densetsu' that he himself had composed secretly playing next on his shuffled playlist and his head slightly swaying to the beat of the music. With the moon so clear and bright up in the night sky and the captivating fairy lights strung in the vicinity that cast his surroundings in a beautiful, golden glow, the hero almost felt like he was in a dream-like world. His time spent with Marinette and his plants always felt like a nostalgic, surreal experience and despite coming over on an almost daily basis, he still couldn't get used to it all.
It was a safe haven for him.
"Ooh! I'm impressed to see that the strawberries and tomatoes are already growing!" Marinette's sudden presence almost had him jump and had he been able to talk, he would have probably yowled out loud like his namesake. "Whoops! Sorry for scaring you, hahaha!" She was absolutely not sorry at all but he forgave her anyway because her laugh was adorable and he loved, loved seeing her happy. Even if it was at the expense of what little pride he had left.
They both glanced back at the plants with satisfaction, impressed with the sight of the unripe fruits that were growing wonderfully thanks to the hero's hard work. He originally had another pot that was supposed to be growing some rosemary but a horrible, horrible seagull that was way too large for its species stole the entire thing (now that he thought about it, it was very likely the same seagull that robbed his poor Lady of her bubble tea and mercilessly stole Nino's chicken tikka panini the other day too). Overall, the fact that five out of six plant pots survived despite being tended to by the host of Destruction is quite a miracle itself.
'Aren't they perfect~?' He mouthed and even waggled his brows under his mask exaggeratedly, her laugh like music to his ears as she casually took one of his earbuds to listen to whatever was playing next on his baton.
"Hmm, this sounds familiar— oh! It's the opening to that catgirl anime! The karaoke version at least. Ah…this brings back good childhood memories…doo-doo-doo my sweetheart~!" Marinette quietly sang along, unaware that he was watching her attentively and paused with his movements. One thing Chat Noir really loved about hanging around with Marinette was that he was always learning new things about her. Small, subtle things that she doesn't really show at school despite them being very close friends as civilians.
.
He didn't know she could sing.
He's never heard her hum let alone sing whenever he was around as Adrien. From what little he can hear now, she seemed really good and had an excellent grasp of the notes. With a bit more practice and some professional training, he could envision her covering slow, soothing songs that were calming enough to put a child to sleep during a stormy night.
(Just like his Maman did every night without fail back when she was still around and he was small enough to be carried like a baby in her arms.)
"Chaton? On dear, hahah— was I that bad that I ended up destroying your eardrums? Hahaha…" Though she was laughing it off and began fiddling with a leaf that had fallen off one of the plants, he wasn't blind to the hidden pain that was laced in her voice and her face. Getting to know Marinette even more during these hangouts also meant that he became much better at reading her to the point where he'd like to say (or at least think in his case) that he knew her like the back of his hand. Over time, he's come to the realisation that whenever she was feeling hurt or lacked confidence, she would either make a self-deprecating joke or laugh it off so that she didn't come off as a bother to anyone else.
It was something he also did whenever he felt useless during an Akuma battle or when his partner seemed extremely frustrated with him.
However, he now has Ladybug, Plagg and his school friends to lift his spirits up and even playfully tell him off, ensuring that he knows how important he is to them and how they wouldn't change a single thing about him. Did Marinette have anyone in her life who was able to see through her façade and give her the same encouragement whenever she was feeling down? The idea of her shouldering all those lonely sentiments that made her feel inadequate and keeping them as hidden as possible whilst plastering on a smile for everyone else made his heart ache beyond compare on her behalf.
Without thinking twice, he grabbed her shoulders gently, ensuring that he had her full attention and shook his head.
'I like your singing.' He mouthed and the tightness that clawed at his chest eased ever so slightly when Marinette's body relaxed and a genuine smile played on her lips. He then clasped her hands with his and brought them against his chest, right above where his heart was beating a million miles per hour. 'I really do.' He emphasised, hoping his heart could convey what his silent voice lacked.
"You're really sweet, thank you." She was looking away now and softly pinkening under his earnest gaze before returning her blues back towards him. "I don't sing as much as I used to so it's good to know that I'm not that rusty." The giggle she let out was still tinged with some underlying pain and he could only wonder why it still stubbornly lingered within the deepest crevices of her heart.
His confused yet concerned look was more than enough to clue Marinette in to his internal questions, the blush settling back to her normal skin tone and her brows furrowing too. She kept her eyes on the plants as a frown grew on her face. When she finally opened her mouth after some time, it was like she was in a trance.
"There were a lot of things I really enjoyed doing as a child regardless if I was good at them or not. Papa loves to sing an old song whenever he's kneading dough and it didn't take me long to join him. I think that's when I started to have an interest in singing." The emotional turmoil within her blues was crystal clear to him and for some reason, the same feeling of déjà vu hit his body as if all the air was knocked out of his lungs. He tried to blink the redness away from his vision that glittered around her eyes like a mask and focused on her words. "I wasn't aiming to be a professional or anything like that. I just liked to sing. But…but this girl in my school. She— I— I still don't have a clue why but she's never liked me."
Something bitter and heavy burrowed itself within the pit of his stomach as he instantly realised just who exactly she was referring to. The warm, cosy, dream-like atmosphere on the balcony was immediately replaced with a cold, cold breeze. A sharp, frosty glow was emitted by the moon and the comforting fairy lights faded into nothing. But none of that compared to the memory of electric blue eyes piercing through anything that met their brutal gaze and the pastel pink lips that were always twisted into a grimace.
Chat Noir braced himself for what he was about to hear.
"I don't know how or when she found out but she realised I liked singing and would always make sure I knew that she hated it. Claiming that I was so terrible, I should do everyone a favour, keep my mouth shut and never speak again or else I'll end up making everyone deaf with my voice alone." There were no words in any dictionaries in the entire universe that could ever accurately describe the unadulterated shock and pure anger that the feline hero held within his eyes, completely flabbergasted with what he was hearing. "Heh…nine-year-olds can be so cruel when they want to be." There was bitterness intertwined within Marinette's entire face and Chat Noir could only stand there and continue to listen with his limp hands by his side.
That was around the same time when he lost his voice. Merde, if he was in Marinette's position and someone said that to him, he would probably be worse off right now and struggle to even think about wanting to speak again, let alone sing.
"I tried to stand my ground and joined the school choir. It was more out of spite than passion if I'm being honest…just to prove to everyone that I'm not a bad singer. Just to prove her wrong." Her eyes were now watering and while on one hand, Chat Noir wanted her to stop talking because it was clearly putting her through such painful memories, on the other, he had to know everything (to know in perfect detail exactly what his former childhood friend has put Marinette through). "On the day we were supposed to perform for a school event, my water bottle was spiked with ground-up ghost chilli peppers, cinnamon and probably some other carbonated beverage. My throat felt like it was shredded from the inside out and I even had trouble breathing. The show went on without me and I was hospitalised for the night. I stopped singing in general ever since."
His eyes were now stinging as he envisioned the horrible, horrible feelings that must have tormented the young Marinette that night. How she could have possibly peered over this very balcony after returning home from the hospital, filled with all sorts of pain both physically and mentally from the entire experience that had transpired and wondering just why it turned out the way it did.
Chat Noir didn't waste another second and held her from behind firmly, his arms over her shoulders and his face pressing itself into the nape of her neck to stop the tears from flowing out. He had to stay strong for her.
"Maman and Papa wanted to take legal action against the school because not only was this not the first time I was bullied to this extent, the things that were used to spike my drink could make anyone seriously ill and even cause permanent damage if more of it was consumed. I was lucky to have just gotten away with a really bad throat that got better after a week or so." There was a fire in Marinette's eyes that burned from the injustice she suffered and Chat Noir didn't even need to see it to know it was there. He only held her tighter, beckoning her to keep talking. "But they didn't have any sufficient evidence. And the cameras were conveniently not working on that day. Or any other day. The boulangerie at the time wasn't as well off as it is now so they didn't have the money to go up against the school, the girl and her just as horrible excuse of a father…"
If only he was there…
If only he begged his Maman to let him go to public school at that time when she was still around so that maybe, just maybe, he could have stopped her from hurting Marinette the way she did!
Then maybe, she never would have stopped singing.
And perhaps, he would have never lost his voice either.
"We probably would have been forced to go back and live in Shanghai if Maman and Papa did go ahead with the lawsuits. No one can win against those corrupted people even if we wave the truth right in the world's face. At least that was the case at the time. I love my parents. I would do anything for them. And I made sure they didn't waste what little money they had then trying to get justice for me. Maman's parents hate us and disowned her because we're not the perfect little Chinese family they expected of her. Maman's sister from London isn't a fan of any of us either. And Papa's parents are divorced and sort of out of the picture too so we couldn't count on them for help."
How…how many close calls have there been? The fact that she was still here in this city with him was a one-in-a-billion chance and he just couldn't fathom the idea of living a life without Marinette in it. 'Why, oh why does it keep getting worse and worse for her…?'
"They had no one but me. So from then onwards, I lied about school being great and never mentioned the bullying ever again. We moved into a new house in a better area and I went to a decent l'école primaire for my final year…but what do we know? My stupid, stupid bad luck emerged once again and when I started le collège, that girl was there too. Smiling at me with that smug, smug smile, knowing all the power she had over me and my family."
And here he thought that his childhood friend changed for the better just because she stopped treating anyone like shit in front of him when all along, she was unleashing her worst towards victims like Marinette behind his back.
Chat Noir was snapped out of his spiralling thoughts when Marinette suddenly jolted and jumped out of his hold with a face that screamed deer-in-the-headlights. At first, she looked like she was downright appalled with what she was saying (practically disgusted with herself) only to quickly force on a grin, lips spreading unnaturally and she held up her hands slightly with her head shaking.
"I-I-I'm so sorry! Yikes! I don't know why I said all of that, hahah! It was so long ago and so stupid, haha! Please just forget everything I just said. I'm so, so sorry, Chat Noir."
No…no.
What was she doing!?
"It was obviously just a silly prank gone wrong and we all know how dramatic we can be as nine-year-olds a-a-and—" Her eyes were welling up again and she choked on a quiet sob. Chat Noir reached out and held onto her upper arms, shaking his head frantically, practically begging for her to stop running away like that and to stop forcing herself to believe that such a heartbreaking experience was nothing more than a trivial matter. "I-It's fine, Chat Noir! I promise!"
'You're lying. You're lying. YOU'RE LYING!' He wanted to yell, tears of frustration now welling up in his eyes, already pooling at the edge and the raw anger that burned within his veins howled for vengeance. Marinette's tears were now falling freely down her face and the redness that punched its way through her pale skin only made her look so, so vulnerable.
"It's okay…" She lied again in a teary voice.
'It's NOT okay!' His lips enounced every single word clearly, his teeth clenched and his green eyes an inferno of immense fury.
"W-We were just nine! It doesn't matter anymore. Her parents aren't the best so of course she was a little meaner than the rest of us! She's just a sad girl who's hurting so much!" He hated that she was coming up with excuses to justify Chloé's actions. He hated it. He hated it.
He HATED it whenever people glossed over anyone's behaviour or actions just because they weren't raised in an ideal household. It was something he always heard when he was much younger and was forced to tag along with his parents to galas and parties, surrounded by some of the most horrendous children one could ever meet whose actions never suffered any real consequences and delighted in tormenting their prey for the night.
Chloé and Félix were the perfect examples, if not often the leaders of those groups of cruel children. It was no secret that his cousin's father was a terrifying man who wouldn't hesitate to get violently physical if you even breathed wrong in his direction whilst his childhood friend's mother was too busy having one affair after the other in New York to even remember that her daughter ever existed. The so-called 'pranks' and 'jokes' that those two always pulled on other unfortunate people (and sometimes, even on him) were always laughed off by the adults who were present, often saying things along the lines of how the duo were just taking out their anger so he should make more of an effort of being their friend or that it was just a phase and they all will grow out of it.
It was always one excuse after another, completely blind (or at least pretending to be) to the pain that Chloé and Félix and all the other children inflicted upon others whilst expecting him to just smile and think it's all completely fine.
All it did was disgust him.
Had it not been for his mother who had witnessed the ill-spirited pranks being played on him and then proceeding to scare the ever-living shit out of not only the children but also her twin sister and the mayor (virtually putting them all through a verbal paper shredder), Adrien would have most likely still been tormented by them even now. Thankfully, his cousin fixed himself up right after that and even learned to love Adrien despite possessing a scheming personality and a set of questionable morals that juxtaposed his own to an extent.
Adrien naively thought that the same applied to Chloé too when she started to treat him better and even willingly sought for his presence whenever they had to attend one of these stuffy gatherings.
Oh, was he wrong.
So, so, so wrong.
Enrolling into le Collège Françoise Dupont opened his eyes to the despicable person his old childhood friend turned out to be and no matter how much he tried to guide her in the right direction, she only got worse.
And yet somehow, the things he's seen and experienced with her are nothing in comparison to what Marinette has been dealing with for so many years!
How could he have been so blind!?
"Chaton? Chat Noir? Please, calm down. I'm okay now. I really am!" Much to his disbelief, Marinette was now trying to comfort him instead, her hands cradling his face as if he were the most precious thing in her entire world. He watched her with red-rimmed greens, his cheeks stained with his tears and his heart could only shatter anew when she tenderly wiped away the trails with her thumbs. "I'm so sorry for making you cry…it's all in the past. I'm in a much better place now. See?"
'Then why do you smile so sadly?' His heart begged, knowing fully well that her wounds were still so raw and painful and that she must have been bottling it all up for years before reaching breaking point. 'How else has she been hurting you? What else has she done when I wasn't there? Is she still doing fucked up things to you and you're just keeping quiet about it? TELL ME!' More and more and more tears continued to just pour out of his eyes and instead of getting the answers he wanted, Marinette only watched him with concern.
This time, she brought him in for a hug and she squeezed her arms around him tighter when he captured her frame in an iron hold, tears soaking the side of her throat and the collar of her pyjama top. He never wanted to let her go. Never.
"It's okay…it's okay…" Chat Noir's body only shook harder and his knuckles whitened under his gloves as he clutched the fabric of her shirt even tighter. "Ever since Alya, Adrien, Nino…and even you came along in my life, everything has been amazing." Finally, she allowed herself to be honest and he tried his best to keep his sniffles quiet, wanting to make sure that he heard every single word. "I won't lie anymore. I know you don't like liars so I won't lie anymore. I…remembering the past still hurts. It really does hurt so much. I hated how powerless I was and as you can see, I'm just so terrible at telling other people how I feel. Even to my parents. Even to my bestest friends! But now that I'm stronger and have learned to love myself again, I'm now able to work on it. I'm better at it now than I used to be." She pulled away so that she could face him, a genuine, brilliant smile back on her lips where it belonged and her eyes full of life.
Pure, untainted, beautiful life.
"I can stand up for myself. I'm still pursuing fashion. I can talk about my designs and anything I like. You even heard me sing again." She leaned in closer, her smile widening oh-so beautifully. "And I have amazing people in my life who are my bestest friends in the entire world. Thank you, Chat Noir. For being one of them."
It was at that moment that the redness flashed back on her skin in his vision, polka-dotted mask, super suit and all and everything just clicked.
Oh.
Oh.
.
Ladybug.
.
It was her all along.
Chat Noir's heart broke and mended itself and broke and mended itself and rinse and repeat and the only thing he was able to do at that moment was to bring his partner back into his arms and pour all of his love, his soul, his heart, his grief, his sorrows and his everything into that sole embrace alone.
And he vowed to every single thing, from the moon to the stars to the edge of the universe that he was going to protect Marinette from anything that dared to even think about bending a single hair out of shape. No matter what.
He would do anything for the girl he loves.
.
.
.
~(x)~
A/N: Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…
I have no idea what else to say here but I guess once again I'll just say, I hope you've enjoyed what you have read so far. Chapter two is already about halfway through the works and we should get it and running in a couple of weeks.
Please let me know your thoughts and feelings in the comment section! Even if it's just a keysmash or a bunch of heart emojis! I genuinely love and treasure each and every comment I get and they will motivate me to update faster!
Till then, see yas~!
