Contains No Artificial Ingredients.
Harry stared at a blank piece of parchment and considered the case.
Fortescue had pretty much admitted to making the homonculi. Harry wrote his name down, and 'made them' next to it in an oval. Daphne Greengrass – he worked his jaw – she had an arm on her, was a customer. He wrote her name down and 'customer'. And his quill filled in 'Susan Bones, customer'.
Harry doodled some lines from Fortescue to Susan and Daphne, and added 'Unbreakable Vow' next to Fortescue. And drew a bubble round it.
He stared at the page, and something jumped out at him. Well, a bunch of blanks where all the other customer's names weren't. And two names, of people who, probably hadn't taken Unbreakable Vows to keep the secret of the whole dark business. In other words, suspects (even if they were also, sort-of the corpses) and all he had to do was question them. And considering Susan worked in DMLE prosecutions, she was just down the hall anyway.
Harry considered that for a moment. Susan's Aunt had been head of the DMLE for years. Susan had joined after the war, prepared to, well do the paperwork, so she went to Prosecutions, and made sure that… Harry sighed, that there were no mistakes. The mystery of why Fortescue had taken an Unbreakable Vow pretty much solved itself at that point.
He tried to mess with the bit of hair on the back of his head but only got a hand that smelt of shallots. Which was going to linger. He ground his teeth.
Harry considered charming her with assaulting an Auror. All he had to do was write it up and forward it to… DMLE prosecutions. He stared at his quill. She really was a criminal mastermind.
Harry resorted to putting on his invisibility cloak and sneaking into DMLE prosecutions – Susan was stamping papers rather hard, so she was clearly still in a mood. It reminded Harry of breaking into the Ministry during the war, only the training exercise version; no risk of death.
Harry found the door he was looking for – Arbuthnot Grimsley. Head of DMLE prosecutions, Susan's Boss, and well, an old, by the book lawyer of a man.
A seize-and-pull charm tipped over a pile of paperwork to distract everyone, and Harry slipped around the door and into Grimsley's office while nobody was looking. He closed the door behind him and took off his cloak.
"Harry – good lord man, why are you wearing Shallots?" asked Grimsley, who was at his desk, doing boring paperwork rubbish, completely unlike the paperwork Harry was doing, which was solving his case.
Harry sighed. "I need to take Susan Bones in for questioning."
"You can't have our Susan," said Grimsley immediately. "She's done nothing wrong!"
Harry pointed to where his hair wasn't, and Grimsley tried to keep a smirk off his face.
"A mere bagatelle, a ciboule," said Grimsley, being a posh git and knowing foreign languages.
"She put my partner in St Mungo's," Harry said – it sounded better than put leeks where his ears had been – "And the reason she did was a case we're investigating."
"Susan's blameless. Why her family have been the very bedrock of the DMLE," said Grimsley.
"She's a prime suspect in a case of dark magical rites," said Harry. "Along with another witch her age."
"I've known Susie since she was born, don't talk nonsense," said Grimsley.
"The person that violated the law has taken an Unbreakable Vow, DRCMC have cleaned up the homonculi…" started Harry.
"So it was that awful Granger girl!" said Grimsley.
"Hermione was part of the team that investigated ,yes but that's got nothing to do with it," said Harry.
"She's abrasive, violent, and obsessed with house-elves!" said Grimsley.
Harry wondered what to say at that point. That was all technically true. Well, totally true. Grimsley couldn't know Hermione that well, could he?
"She's always coming in with trumped up charges, wanting us to arrest everyone who's ever so much as owned a house-elf, and we've had to bar her form submitting arrest requests, she simply swamped poor Doreeen; I swear she doesn't sleep!" said Grimsley,
Harry wished he had an idea.
"She means well," was the best he could come up with. He followed up with. "Look, making full-sized Homonculi of actual people is hideously um… "
"Fraught?" suggest Grimsley.
"Fraught with legal issues," said Harry.
Grimsley frowned "Susan simply wouldn't do something like that."
"All I want is to ask her some questions, where she's not hexing my hair," said Harry.
"Well you can't dose her with veritaserum; she could let slip confidential DMLE matters," said Grimsley.
"We're out, actually," said Harry tiredly.
"You can't tell me that!" said Grimsley loudly. "That's a confidential DMLE matter!"
"There aren't that many people alive that can make good veritaserum. Professor Snape didn't teach potions worth a damn," said Harry.
"Headmaster Snape" said Grimsley. "One refers to deceased persons by their highest ranking position in life."
"Death Eater Severus Snape didn't teach potions worth a damn," said Harry.
An hour later he was questioning Susan, whose scarred face was set in a … she was obviously very angry.
He set the dictaquill going, said the day's date, checked the battered watch Mrs and Mrs Weasley had given him, and said the time, and added "Questioning Susan Bones, DMLE."
"Miss Bones, would you tell me what your connection to the um… homonculi was?" Harry asked.
She shook her head. Harry sighed "Miss Bones shook her head" he said, for the record.
And then felt a little cross that Susan's eyebrow.. the one without the scar went up briefly. Like she was surprised he was doing this properly.
"Have you taken an unbreakable vow, Miss Bones?" he asked.
"Of course I bloody Haven't" snapped Susan.
"So, my working theory is that the homonculus process is something to do with healing the scars on your face" said Harry.
"I'm not so vain that I care that much about my face, Potter" said Susan.
"But the – "
"Scars, yes the ones everyone can't help looking at. The ones on my face" Susan's right hand lifted off the table and touched the scars gently. "Cursed scars."
Her hand slid down her dress robes, down her collarbone, over her… bust… down her side and then across her abdomen. "I was dodging sideways when the purple curse hit me" she said.
Harry's gorge rose. Oh shit. The thing that put Hermione in hospital for weeks.
"And not being as lucky as Granger" said Susan "It wasn't mumbled. Organ rotting curse. The surface scarring is the good bit."
"I… didn't know" croaked Harry.
"Oh I'm not dropping dead anytime soon" said Susan with clearly fake jollinesss. "But there are some things you can't heal. Massive dark curse scarring all the way down my torso. It's on the inside, not just the outside."
Harry's head felt like someone had put a clamp around it and was tightening slowly. His eyes felt itchy, and his left hand… the one that totally didn't have Cruciatus curse damage shook.
"Hermione had to regrow organs," said Harry, and he took several deep breaths.
"Madam Pomfrey mentioned that I might recover as she did" said Susan "but the scarring meant lots of things don't work quite right."
She smiled momentarily, as woodenly as Aunt Petunia ever had. "Gross girls stuff mostly."
"You can't…." said Harry, unable to do more than whisper. Poor bloody Susan.
"No, that's off the table. But given the scarring on places you probably know on Ginny, can't be bothered with it anyway."
Harry shook his head. "So, you can't have kids now?"
"Can't have kids, no. Would actually like some little snot goblins at some point, they could push your kids round at Hogwarts." said Susan.
Harry caught wise to her attempt at interrogation, and didn't explain anything. Ginny wouldn't talk about him in her Quidditch interviews, which was a tiny mercy.
"I'd like a complete list of customers of Mr David Fortescue – the homonculi customers." said Harry.
Susan shook her head.
"Miss Bones shook her head," said Harry, and Susan gave him a tiny nod.
"I know Daphne Greensleeves was a customer" said Harry.
"For fucks sake Harry, its' Greengrass – they both needed it." said Susan. Harry tried not to look surprised. And winced – the permanent interview record had evidence that Harry had forgotten her surname – and as his imagination had told him days ago, that wasn't a girl you forgot. He rubbed his jaw, which still ached. You really didn't. Well, he had to admit he'd never paid her any notice at Hogwarts. Mostly because by the time he was looking at girls seriously, there was Cho, who played seeker just like him and was so pretty, and then Ginny had walked over like a conquering queen and snogged his face right off. The other girls at Hogwarts were very much in the 'obstacles that moved' category for Harry.
And thinking about Ginny had his chest aching again. He looked down at the table and got his composure back. He looked back up into Susan's eyes.
"Miss Bones, can you describe why, exactly the uh… Greengrass sisters both wanted Homonculi made?" asked Harry.
"Oh for gods sake Harry, it's not advanced dark arts! A homonculi, some polyjuice, a little blood, and a six month wait. It's only illegal because people do bad things with them." said Susan.
Harry nodded; at least she was talking.
"At the end, it's a switching charm" Susan tapped the side of her head "Brains, Harry. Swap the brains, and well… getting rid of the old body."
Harry felt faint. That didn't sound difficult at all, but also… horrific. People could… could swap bodies and live forever… or a long time.
"Only works if it's exactly you, Harry. Nerves have to fix exactly, and supposedly it takes a few days of head injury potions to get out of bed from, but being able to bend over would be nice. Let alone having something to shag with" she added bluntly.
His eyes darted down to her lap and back up.
"So who cursed the Greengrass sisters?" asked Harry. "I assume yours was some Death Eater in the Battle of Hogwarts?"
Susan gave a small nod. "I've no bloody idea, Potter. You don't exactly ask why someone needs a sodding body transplant."
"Hermione thought it was acne," said Harry quietly.
Susan bones laughed, and then winced in a way that Harry's long experience with injuries told him was… dark curse scarring.
"Greengrass could care less what she looks like. God. Foundation is a thing, you know?" said Susan. "Come on – you must have seen Ginny doing her makeup."
Harry shrugged, and the shoulder-blade that had been shattered caught him out, as it sometimes did.
"Lip gloss" he offered.
Susan stared Harry in the eyes for a moment. "Lip Gloss?" she said.
"Well she does take a while to wash her hair," conceded Harry.
"That's a witches prerogative" said Susan sharply.
Susan stared at Harry for ages, Harry's knee jiggling uncomfortably. "Ginny bloody Weasley swans around looking like that and it's just lip-gloss?" she grimaced "I've seen Ron Weasley, no."
"Her oldest brother Bill's good looking" conceded Harry. "Married Fleur Delacour – the part-veela French witch."
Susan had a quite pleasant laugh, thought Harry, though her left hand pressed on her side in a way that made Harry uncomfortable, just thinking about the dark curse scarring inside her chest. That was probably why she worked prosecutions, not as an Auror, thought Harry. And it wasn't fair to make fun of Ron like that – girls fancied him, well delusional, suicidal fangirls. He was tall, and had really wide shoulders and big hands and, if you liked heads shaped like red bricks… well Hermione liked him.
"Bill got his face ripped up by Fenrir Greyback." Harry offered.
Susan stopped laughing, and frowned "The male model with the facial scars in Ron's brother? No way!"
"Ever wonder why Ron's got a massive – "
"Don't say it" Susan interrupted. "Granger's a deviant, we all get that."
Harry felt his face flush. He huffed. "Insecurity complex. Bill got like a dozen OWLs', nine NEWTs, works as a curse-breaker. Then, when we were sixteen, he married a part-veela witch. They've got a kid." Harry hesitated. Make common ground with the suspect, the books said. "And another on the way." he added.
"Ron's got an order of Merlin" said Susan. "And he's a pretty good Auror. His partner's a complete arsehole, of course."
"Hermione's not that bad," protested Harry.
"I meant you" said Susan, and she sighed. "God you're just a bloody pretty face."
Harry left, humiliated.
