"Fili, I can't help but wonder what happened last night. Is everything all alright?" Bilbo asked.
He had just finished tying his sack to Myrtle and was coming to see what the plan was for leaving Bree. No one had mentioned anything about Fili's outburst, and so Bilbo thought it best to ask the dwarf directly rather than gossip.
"Why not tell the burglar?" Kili said, bumping Fili with his elbow as he brushed past. "Can't keep everything to yourself, my brother."
Fili let out a sleep deprived sigh. He knew Kili meant well but he wasn't certain he should clue Bilbo in on the dreams and Hayden's coincidental appearance in his life. It had become an unspoken understanding among the dwarves; this was Fili's issue to deal with and Thorin had let Hayden come along provisionally. Bilbo would not be swept into the loop if Fili could help it.
"I dreamt of a woman," Fili said shortly.
He continued to pack his knives and a few sacks, securing them to Daisy's saddle without so much as a glance towards the hobbit.
"Ah," Bilbo said. He put his hands behind his back, as though he were inspecting the dwarven prince. "Isn't it unusual to dream of a woman and wake up terrified, only to run around in your nightshirt like a mad dog? And what did that have to do with Hayden?"
Fili's stomach dropped. He had hoped his answer would satisfy the hobbit and they would be on their merry way out of Bree. He hadn't expected Bilbo to be so persistent.
"Aye. This was different."
He ignored the bit about Hayden entirely.
"How so?" Bilbo asked. He reached down to pick up Fili's rolled blanket, expecting the dwarf would be packing it away next.
Fili shook his head as he took the blanket; he did not want to engage in this conversation. Somehow he knew either Bilbo, Kili, Hayden or perhaps all three of them would only bring up the matter later. He had brought this on himself in the inn, running around in a panicked stupor. Yet he wanted the Company to forget the occurrence.
"In this dream I saw a woman in a forest of snow. She was being hurt by a man but I could not get to her. An invisible wall held me away; I'm not even sure the lass could see me. Before I woke, he brutally murdered her and I could do nothing but watch."
Bilbo went as cold as a corpse, feeling just about as alive as one. He couldn't believe what Fili had said. It was far too similar to Hayden's death and recurring nightmare. She had this dream the night before last on their first evening away from the Shire, claiming she saw Fili in the dream but they could not interact. What's more, Fili had trampled in on them in search of Hayden specifically. Why else would he have sought her out at an ungodly hour?
Bilbo felt a large hand clap down on his shoulder.
"Are you well?" Fili asked. His brows were furrowed in concern, though he was capitalizing on the chance to change the topic.
"Yes, I -" Bilbo began. He stumbled backwards, staring at the ground intently. "I believe I left some…some buttons on the shelf of the pantry."
The excuse was all he could conjure up. He scurried off, brushing past Kili who was bringing Kipper around to the other ponies.
"Where's he off to, then?" Kili called to Fili.
"To get his buttons," Fili shouted back.
Fili rubbed the back of his neck, unsure of what to make of the conversation. He couldn't decide if this hobbit's behavior would ever be predictable on this journey ahead.
"Did you say buttons?" Nori asked, walking past Fili and Kili, tossing each a red apple.
Fili caught it mid-air, barely having to look at the flying piece of fruit.
"Aye, buttons."
"What about buttocks?" Oin asked, holding his ear trumpet up. He was rather excited, expecting the younger dwarves had eyed a particularly beautiful woman.
The small group fell into a laughing fit, walking over to pat Oin on the back.
"Come now, lads. Nothin' like the sight of a beautiful woman in the morning. Give an old dwarf some encouragement," Oin protested, his head on a swivel.
The dwarves continued to laugh, shaking their heads and offering to take Oin's things to his pony. The older dwarf had no idea what was so comical but gladly accepted the help. He had other things to worry about, like finding the beautiful maiden the young dwarves had kept to themselves.
Bilbo ran straight into the Prancing Pony, intent on finding Hayden to share what he had learned from his small chat with Fili. Only, she wasn't there. The barkeep informed him that the red haired beauty had already left with a basket of apples she intended to distribute to the rest of his Company. Bilbo briefly felt the hunger rise in his stomach - it was nearly time for second breakfast - but he swallowed it down. There was far too much swimming around in his head to be thinking about food.
He skipped back outside, slipping past men who were grumbling with sleep and probable intoxication. Looking for a flash of red, he found Hayden near the Company. Her hair was braided simply, draped against her neck in a short swish tied off with a stirp of leather. She was handing Gandalf an apple, talking with Kili and Ori who seemed to be following her like puppy dogs. Bilbo wondered if this was due to the apples in her hands or the fact they were young and, predictably, easily smitten.
"Hayden!" Bilbo began as he approached his friend. His voice cracked, reminiscent of his younger days.
Hayden turned with a smile and simultaneously handed him a bright red apple. "Yes?"
Bilbo's mouth hung open as he struggled to find words. Kili and Ori stared blankly at the hobbit, expecting his words to match the eagerness with which he had approached them.
"Did you find your buttons?" Kili asked. He fought back a smile, painting his face with a small smirk instead.
"I, uh - " Bilbo started. He searched frantically in his pockets, patting the one abreast of his coat. "Yes. Right here."
"What buttons?" Hayden chuckled slightly, offering more apples to Thorin and Dori as they passed by.
"Oh just the extra..." Bilbo trailed, watching as Kili and Ori followed Thorin, who was evidently gathering everyone near a tree, "...the extra ones."
Hayden set the empty basket on the ground. "Remind me to take that back to the barkeep before we set off," she said, nodding to the ground. She began to walk toward the gathered Company, motioning for Bilbo to follow.
"Hayden, I need to talk to you," Bilbo said in a stern tone.
Her eyes were wide with fear. It wasn't often she heard Bilbo speak in such a manner.
"What is it?" she whispered.
With the ponies saddled and the group silently awaiting their two newest companions, Bilbo felt too many eyes on him as he and Hayden spoke.
"I'll tell you while we're on Myrtle."
"I am actually going to be riding on Daisy today," Hayden said with a small smile.
She hoped he wouldn't be mad with her; she had accepted Fili's offer willingly, looking forward to spending more time with each of the dwarves if she could on their trip down the Great East Road.
"Oh. With Fili, then?" Bilbo asked.
He tightened his lips, confusing Hayden as they approached the group. She nodded with a small smile, shooting the blond dwarf a quick glance. Much to her surprise he was staring back at her with arms crossed, an amused look beneath his braided mustache.
Thorin took a few moments to ensure everyone had their belongings and were set for a full day of riding. He was pleased they all had risen early, though he had wanted to be out of Bree already. Altogether, though, he appeared to be in brighter spirits than the day before. Perhaps this was due to the ale, a night of better rest, or perhaps due to the Company's promptness.
They rode in silence for a while before some of the older dwarves began conversing with one another. Bilbo had been sulking slightly; he told Hayden he was miffed at not having second breakfast and that the apple he had eaten was soft, bordering on too ripe. Fili, Nori, and even Bifur had offered him some of their food stores yet Bilbo had declined. Hayden figured it was easier for him to be in a sour mood rather than admit any sort of responsibility for his attitude.
Fili found comfort in the fact that Hayden had agreed to ride with him, despite his intrusion on her in the small hours of the night. His oath lay heavy on his tired mind and yet he felt a sense of duty to protect her - from what had been or what could be. Much to Fili's surprise, Thorin had not noticed their pairing until nearly a quarter mile out of Bree, and by then Fili knew his uncle would not stop to switch seating arrangements. In fact, he was counting on it.
His mind was spent but he had thrived off of less sleep before. With every recollection of the nightmare, he fought the urge to lean into the warmth of her back pressed against his chest, to hold her body closer in reassurance she was not dead. Hayden hadn't asked about his outburst, which put his mind at ease. Then again, neither had Thorin which put his mind in a dizzying worry.
She was spiraling, being thrust in and out of consciousness. Her body shook though the ground beneath her did not quake. Everything was absolutely still and warm. She had no idea where she was; in fact, she couldn't see at all. A void met her gaze as equally as the sun's rays on a hot afternoon but she couldn't recall going blind. Swift, cold touches splashed on her legs. Instantaneously, stinging light burst into her vision, causing her to squint. She felt something hard around her and the sensation of falling into an abyss.
"Good morn', lass!" Bofur cried out. He gave the squinting girl a curt nod and wink.
Hayden looked down at Fili's arm strung around her, holding her closely to him as the line of ponies crossed a rocky patch of road. Water was sprinkling from the clouds down on top of them. It was rain that had pricked her legs and the sun that had risen her from slumber. It was Fili who had kept her from falling off Daisy.
"I didn't mean to doze off," Hayden said sleepily.
She adjusted herself in the saddle, surprised when Fili only slightly loosened his grip. An anxious feeling bubbled up in her stomach. She tried to swallow it away.
"Do not be sorry," Bofur said with a small smile on his rosy face. "One of the most beautiful things on this earth is the sight of a sleeping maiden."
Hayden felt herself immediately blush, wanting to hide away into Fili's coat. She let her head fall back on his shoulder in an attempt to distract the dwarves, perhaps making them think she had fallen back asleep.
"Aye, that it is," Fili whispered in agreement with Bofur, his voice thundering against Hayden's ear.
Simultaneously, she wanted to run off into the forest, jerking her head up with just as much enthusiasm.
"Please," Fili began, "sleep. You need it after being so rudely woken last night."
Hayden turned in the saddle. "Yes, what was that all about? I've been meaning to ask but didn't want to pry."
She thought of Fili's concern with the scar on her temple as well, a burning desire to know why he had searched for it, and how he had known it existed.
Fili cursed in his mind. He had brought up the very thing he was avoiding. Hayden took his silence as an answer in itself.
"I'm sorry. It's just that I've never seen you like that. You've always been so calm but you were so startled and frantic, all I wanted to do was help. But I won't -" Hayden began.
Fili lowered his voice, wishing that they were not surrounded by his kin and brethren. "It was out of character. I do not usually give in to such dreams."
"So it was a bad dream?" Hayden asked in a hush.
"You could say that," Fili said.
Hayden pressed further, "A nightmare?"
"It was real and fictitious all at once," Fili said after a moment.
Hayden's heart tightened at his words, understanding exactly what he meant but not entirely knowing if he spoke of the same types of dreams, both the good or the bad.
"I have such vivid dreams quite often," Fili added. "Though this was new. Still just as real as you and I are now."
"So you have dreams that make you feel alive?" Hayden craned her neck to look FIli in the eyes. "Dreams that make you question whether or not you're awake when you wake up?"
Fili licked his lips, wanting to divulge everything without saying anything. If only he could let her mind see what he had seen, what he had lived throughout his life. Words could not describe the feelings or the dreams, but words were all he had.
He simply nodded 'yes', not knowing what to say without saying too much.
"I have them too," Hayden whispered.
She turned back around, checking to see if any of the Dwarves had heard. She also wasn't so sure she wanted Bilbo to hear - he'd more than likely overreact if he knew she'd talked to Fili about her dreams. Not in detail, of course, but enough to open the door. Not that any of them knew there was a door to be opened in the first place.
"Yes, I know," Fili said with a sharp breath.
Hayden looked at him once more, questioning him without speaking.
"Our first night on the road. You had a nightmare?" Fili said lightly, attempting to jog her memory.
Hayden let out a sigh of relief. "Oh. Right."
Fili and Hayden rode in silence as the road wound further east, twisting ever so slightly this way and that. The Company had engaged in exchanging stories of home, mainly of meals and mead. Bilbo had even jumped in, wanting to know what kind of food the dwarves consumed on a regular basis and what things were reserved for finer, celebratory gatherings. He even attempted to glean a recipe out of Bombur, who had no idea about quantity and instead told Bilbo to constantly taste while he prepared. Bilbo both agreed and disagreed with such a culinary regimen.
As the rest of The Company fell into distraction, Fili picked up their prior conversation. "What I witnessed was worse than my darkest nightmare," he said quietly. "It would pain me greatly if you have such dreams."
"I do," Hayden murmured. She was glaring off in the distance, lost in thought. "I relive a realistic nightmare more than I'd care to. You might even call it a memory by now."
She turned once more in the saddle, searching Fili's eyes for something. They were alluring, autumnal flecks of amber peaking through sage colored irises. Somehow the longer she searched, the more she felt she knew the dwarf looking back at her. The sensation spread unsolicited warmth in her chest.
While his behavior in the middle of the night had come as a shock, the one thing that had been bothering her was his apparent knowledge of the scar on her temple. She hadn't mentioned anything about it to anyone. She couldn't even recall telling Bilbo explicitly of its existence.
"I die in this nightmare. Every time I wake up, I question whether or not I'm truly dead," Hayden sputtered out. She didn't dare blink; she wanted to see how Fili would react.
As if on queue, Fili's eyes darted to her temple. Before another word was spoken, Hayden sat herself forward, furiously biting her lip in contemplation. Her attraction to him could be nothing but hormones and his knowledge of the scar could be easily explained. She had brushed her hair away from her face, and he had somehow noticed. Or perhaps when she had slept, her skin had been more exposed than normal; she had fallen asleep next to him by the campfire.
That same night while next to Fili she had dreamt of him and Daniel, but what did that mean? Her head and heart could be at war, mixing notions of happiness and pain into an unfortunate nightmare. And while Fili surely resembled her lifelong dream friend, he wasn't her mystery blond any more than he was her long-lost grandfather. This could all be a coincidence. But then again, it could all be a reality, given where she now existed.
Fili swallowed hard, adjusting his grip on the reins and around her waist. "I vow to you that your death will not come on my watch."
He buried his emotions, wanting to maintain a passive persona. A brief note fluttered in his mind, prompting him to ask if she ever dreamt of a blond dwarf, and if she had grown with him over the years. Fear put a stop to this, however, and he cleared his throat after a quick glance up at Thorin heading the line of ponies.
Establishing some sort of common ground was the only thing he could do in lieu of exposing everything on the pretense of falsified expectations. Yet in his desire to uncover the truth, he felt it necessary to continue revealing truths about himself.
"I also have dreams such as yours. Nightmares that involve death and helplessness."
Hayden glanced down at the ground passing underneath them. She was too confused internally to give him any sort of visual response.
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"Do not be sorry," Fili chuckled. "You have a way of apologizing for nonsense."
"I'm sorry, I just -" Hayden began.
"There you start again. You are forbidden to apologize. I forbid it."
Hayden cracked a smile, tucking her thoughts away for the day. "I'll try my best to be as unapologetic as I can. But there's no promise."
Not long after, some of the dwarves began singing. At first Hayden smiled, finding the sounds surprising and tender, but she began to worry after minutes had passed. Surely Thorin would have something to say about the outburst of song and more than likely put an end to their melodic journey. Briefly she wondered if Gandalf could read her mind; he began to nod either in agreement or approval of something. Hayden feared it was in response to her thoughts, to which the wizard seemingly nodded once more.
Much to her surprise, Thorin began to sing as well. He let out a guttural hum though his voice soared gently in the air. Balin added his note, followed by Dwalin and Gloin. Soon the entire Company was harmonizing and spewing words neither Hayden nor Bilbo understood. Yet the dwarves' hearts were joyous and so the burglar and his friend felt at home in the soaring foreign tongues, finding comfort in the vibrations that somehow bounced off their bones and twisted through their ears.
Fili began to belt out a clear note, a sound bursting with excitement and triumph. Hayden looked back up at him, noting the twinkle in his eye as he sang. Kili smiled wildly from the front of the line and joined in, chanting in harmony with his brother as the rest of the dwarves carried on their choral tune. The brother's cries made Hayden think this song was meant to inspire and instill courage, perhaps a song one might sing before going to battle or to rally people together. She couldn't be sure; she wasn't cultured in the ways of dwarves.
As the song reached a climatic peak, the dwarves exhaled in unison. They paused for a moment, returning to low hums that bounced off each passing tree and rock. Hayden listened with her eyes closed, smiling to herself at the beautiful song she had experienced. As though in a trance, she barely noticed as the Company fell silent in the wood.
"That was a song for Aulë. For the great gift of life," Fili whispered in her ear, bringing Hayden back to reality.
Hayden looked back at Fili, startled at how close his face was to hers. "It was beautiful," she managed to say, turning away to hide the blush that had taken over her flesh.
She absentmindedly combed some of Daisy's hair between her fingers before taking the reins from Fili to give his hands a break, though he did not need one.
"It binds us," Fili added, shifting in the saddle. "You must have fellowship and trust but also adoration."
"What do you mean?" Hayden asked.
Fili thought for a moment. He hadn't explained this concept to anyone before; his father had shown the dwarven ways to him when he was a child. Thorin ensured that Fili lived his life in accordance with those ways in order to be a proper leader. The fact that Hayden was clueless came as a small shock. He briefly reminded himself that she came from another world - her entire concept of life must have been different.
"Dwarves encompass valor and truth. For one to devote their life, their honor, their very being, they must also hold adoration in the palm of their hand," Fili began. "If you cannot care for your people and the land, you do not deserve the care of those people or the care such land affords you. If you are to be sentimental with tradition and reasonable with action then adoration must be a pillar of your existence. It's the only way to prevent instability and inequity. If you cannot adore your kin and the earth, your honor and boldness is folly."
Fili blinked; he sounded like his father. But then again, these were his father's words.
Hayden nodded in understanding. "In order to truly love another you must first love yourself."
Fili bit his lip. "Yes, similarly."
They rode in silence, Fili refraining from explaining more of his dwarven culture to the red haired girl. In the back of his mind, he wanted to show her he was worthy of leading his people on an ethical level, yet he felt the feeling too arrogant and tried to brush it off. He wasn't sure how she would react or if she'd even care to know.
The Company had agreed that if she indeed was part dwarf, she was to be told about her heritage, yet they had not decided on a time or place for such a reveal. Or rather, Thorin had not decided. On one hand Fili felt this should be his responsibility; on the other he felt the honor was not his or anyones explicit right.
"So you're saying," Hayden began, interrupting Fili's thoughts, "that it is important for dwarves to understand their people."
"Aye," Fili said.
"As well as all those who live in the world," Hayden added.
Fili hesitated. "Aye. It is important to respect all those who share this earth."
Hayden continued, turning in the saddle to look at Fili directly. "Because if you can't respect others, you don't deserve respect from others. Or even from the land itself."
"Or Aulë," Fili added.
Hayden nodded. "So why don't you like the elves?"
The entire Company just about stopped on the trail, all heads swiveled towards the girl. Even Bilbo seemed shocked she would ask something so obvious, although it wasn't obvious to her.
"What a ridiculous question," Balin said, his eyebrows dancing as he shook his head.
Fili stiffened in the saddle, his hands tightening around Hayden's waist. He leaned forward, intent on gently dismissing her question before Thorin spoke up.
"The elves," Thorin spat, "do not respect us. Why should we waste a moment caring for their existence when they cannot spare a breath for our kind?"
Hayden felt her body shrink into Fili, attempting to hide in his fur coat for a second time in the day. She nodded once to Thorin in understanding, though she understood more that the matter of elves was not to be discussed again rather than the reasoning he had given her.
Fili grabbed the reins that had become lax in her hands. Small conversations gradually picked back up, though Hayden's body still remained tense.
"I'll play the fiddle tonight," he offered, hoping her spirits would brighten.
Her eyes lit up, though she was afraid to show too much excitement given the dwarves' previous glances.
"I can't wait."
"Maybe Kili will join in as well," Fili added. "Or Bombur - he brought a small drum."
"And I brought me clarinet," Bofur added. He trotted Minty up to Daisy's right side. "So did Bifur."
"And I have my flute!" Ori called, mirth radiating off of him.
"I didn't know you all played," Hayden said with a smile.
"Oh aye, we all brought something," Balin called down the line. He was looking forward to making music - this was something he hadn't partaken in a long while. "Thorin plays a beautiful golden harp."
Thorin waved the comment off, eliciting a wave of encouraging remarks that ignited a discussion on Thorin's ability to play the harp as though he crafted the very instrument himself. Hayden's eyes grew wide, still not expecting Thorin to have a musical bone in his body. She had heard him sing but mastering an instrument seemed far-fetched, especially an instrument as delicate as the harp which contrasted his demeanor entirely; he was surprising her every day.
"Bilbo," she whispered, motioning him to come closer.
Bilbo steered Myrtle as best he could over to Daisy. He quirked a brow up with anticipation.
"I remember reading something about the House of the Harp and Gondolin in one of your books. It talked about how the people were great warriors; could that be why Thorin plays the harp?"
Bilbo's eyes grew wide. "I uh -" he began, "I don't think so. That story has to do with the..."
Hayden tilted her head expectantly. Bilbo looked around, eventually mouthing the word 'elves' before Hayden sat up straight, hoping the rest of the Company hadn't been paying attention.
"And I do believe the harp in that story was silver, as I recall," Bilbo added.
He gave Hayden a wink, smiling to himself that the girl had openly welcomed the history of his world. Her heart was similar to his in that way.
By nightfall it was estimated that they had traveled nearly seventy miles, though Gloin and Nori had gotten into an argument about the figure. Either way, they were nearing Weathertop where Thorin was adamant they would settle down for the night. Most of the Company had been ready to rest hours earlier, wanting to have an early supper and get some sleep before night completely shadowed the land. In their current exhaustion, it would likely take the Company another day to reach the great summit watch tower.
"Let us stop here for the night," urged Gandalf. "I have checked the road as I was able. Yet we do not know who else may be on this path nor who could lie in wait."
Thorin grumbled, rolling Gandalf's comments off his shoulders. His logic was sound, of course, yet Thorin didn't want to alter his plans on the whim of a wizard. Even though that very wizard had advised and devised much of this quest along his side.
"Uncle, we've traveled farther today than yesterday. We need rest. Our ponies need a breather," Kili urged.
His body was past the point of exhaustion and his mind wasn't as alert as it should have been for a journey at night. Kili would never admit this, of course.
Whether it was Kili's plea or his own fatigue, Thorin nodded in agreement. "We will find a place up on one of these cliffs. They will provide shelter and get us off this road for the evening."
The cliff itself was deceptively high. Bilbo found himself silently crying, attempting to shake off his newfound fear of heights before they swallowed him up entirely. Myrtle seemed to understand and sympathized with the hobbit, turning to nuzzle his hairy foot now and again. At first Bilbo found the gesture odd and unsettling, bits of grass and hair getting tangled within his own leg hair. Then he found himself comforted, wanting the touch as soon as her soft muzzle left his skin.
"And what will we be eatin' for suppa?" Dwalin called out, dismounting Moonfoot in a swift motion.
He watched the rest of the Company trickle into the outcropping Thorin had selected on the side of the ever continuing cliff. There was plenty of flat space for all the ponies and gear, with a round, walled area to ignite a fire and remain hidden.
"Don't look at me, I caught the rabbits the other night," Kili beamed, as though his refusal to hunt were more of an opportunity to boast.
"With my knife," Fili called out, giving his brother a childish, insinuating grin.
"Why don't we send the girl?" Dwalin asked, his face in a bright frenzy.
Hayden couldn't tell if it was a joke or a serious question. Both ideas scared her.
"Now, surely that's not appropriate," Balin said, jumping off of Fanul with a groan.
"If she wants to fight, then let her start with a basic skill," Thorin called as he directed the rest of the Company into the area.
"If you all don't mind starving for a few days, I'll be glad to volunteer," Hayden said with a shaking voice.
Her father had shown her how to hunt, but she could never stomach the aftermath. Now she didn't want to hunt, but she didn't want to disappoint her comrades either. She also didn't want to starve to death.
Fili helped Hayden down, quirking an eyebrow up at her statement. They all grew silent, blank looks on most of the dwarves faces. Ori was half smiling, half shocked; Bilbo looked as though he may vomit.
Thorin let out a chuckle, followed by an implosion of laughter. The rest of the Company followed suit, commenting about how unexpected their female friend was turning out to be, even if she didn't quite fit the part of a huntress.
"Honesty is just as admirable a quality as hunting. In fact, it'll get ya farther on the battlefield than any other weapon. Be honest in your heart and you will see when ya face defeat or victory," Dwalin said.
"So..." Hayden began, untying her bedroll from Daisy, "that was a test?"
"Aye," Dwalin nodded proudly. "I will not make ya kill until yer ready or have no other choice."
Hayden swallowed hard at the thought of having no choice to kill or spare a life; it simultaneously meant she'd have to choose between dying or living herself.
"What would have happened if I had accepted?" She placed her hand on her hip for emphasis, then dropped it out of embarrassment.
"Ye would 'ave learned a different lesson," Dwalin said with a nod. He began to walk away, motioning for Hayden to follow. "Even if you fail, you can still learn."
"And what if I die? If I fail and it costs me my life?" Hayden asked cheekily.
She took a mental note of her brazen attitude, chocking it up to fatigue and hunger. It didn't seem to phase Dwalin.
"Then tha's a lesson for others," Dwalin simply said. "Have you practiced anything I showed you?"
"No. We haven't really had time," Hayden answered.
She spread out her bedroll next to the pile of logs that was soon to be lit.
"There is always time," Dwalin said, shaking his head. "Come, we'll train now."
Hayden looked around at the Company, debating over who would hunt and who would help set up camp; it was an unspoken understanding that Bombur would always do the cooking while Ori helped.
"Don't they need help?" she asked.
Dwalin shrugged. "You are more of an asset to them alive than ye are dead. It's your choice."
Hayden couldn't argue with the dwarf, regardless of how nervous, hungry, and exhausted she felt. She had to learn to defend herself, and she wanted to. She just didn't want to be made a fool again.
Fili watched as Dwalin and Hayden sauntered off among the trees, hoping Dwalin had half a mind to take a real weapon with him. He visibly shook his head; Dwalin carried around an arsenal just as he did. He would protect Hayden with his life if he had to, regardless of how menacing and detached his bald, tattooed head made him appear.
Bifur, Dori, and Nori stealthily snuck back down the cliff they all had climbed in search of dinner, keeping in mind that Dwalin and Hayden were practicing in the opposite direction. Besides, smaller animals were more likely hiding in the lower elevations, away from the Company's loud trampling.
In an attempt to relax, Fili took out his pipe from his sack and leaned against the tall wall of stone. Bofur had started a fire, which was now roaring so large it felt as though his eyebrows might have melted off.
Fili stuck his pipe in his mouth, tearing off the thick jacket which he sat on instead. Kili joined him, throwing him a piece of dried meat that was produced from somewhere in his trousers. Fili didn't ask - food was food, and he was hungry.
Fili shared a dash of tobacco with his brother, commenting on Bilbo's 'discreet' feeding of Myrtle from his own food pack.
"Would you look at that? The beast and the hobbit have become allies," he said with a warm smile. The amount of affection Bilbo had for this creature he had feared not twenty-four hours prior made Fili smile.
"Fili, let me ask you something," Kili asked, sliding down to sit next to his brother.
Fili listened with anticipation, growing antsy as his brother kept him waiting, peering over at Bilbo with a serious look on his face.
"What, Kili?"
"Shh," Kili hushed, taking in a puff off his pipe, keeping his eyes fixed on Bilbo.
"Kili, he can't hear you. What is it?" Fili pressed.
He never could tell when his brother was pulling his leg or had something of importance to say. He suspected it was the former, but he wasn't quite sure.
Kili gave one final glance around the fire, ensuring that the rest of the Company were organizing packs, helping Bombur, or tending to the ponies. He didn't want anyone to overhear their conversation.
Kili finally looked at Fili, a blank expression on his face. "Do you think Bilbo is in love with Hayden?"
"What?" Fili asked loudly, prompting an overreaction from Kili.
"Be quiet!" Kili whispered. He brought Fili's own pipe up to his lips, encouraging his brother to take a puff of tobacco in hopes it would wipe the absurd look off his face. "I said do you think -"
"No, I don't think so," Fili said with a chuckle. "Why are you thinking of such things?"
"Why aren't you?" Kili asked, a slight smirk growing on his lips.
Fili had half a mind to smack him on the back of the head, though the question did hit his heart. In a manner of speaking, the idea made him jealous, an emotion he had not expected to feel.
"I am not thinking of such things. I don't know why I'm indulging you in this conversation, quite honestly," Fili said dismissively.
"You have to wonder," Kili began, ignoring his brother's comments, "they are so close and yet they aren't betrothed. There must be something there. They spent the night together in a pantry - they are inseparable, honestly."
His brother was correct, Hayden and Bilbo were extremely close. Even if she wasn't his elusive dream friend, even if she hadn't died and somehow come back to life and were merely a stranger lost in Middle-Earth, the arrangement between her and Bilbo was oddly intimate. He couldn't imagine taking in a woman for that long without having found her another place to stay or at least another reason to move her along.
Fili would have comforted her and assisted her recovery elsewhere rather than live with a woman who was not his; it simply wasn't right. That was not how things worked with dwarves and he suspected hobbits operated in much the same way. The dynamics of their friendship was misplaced in comparison to the story Bilbo had given the Company. Perhaps it was a facade, nothing more than a sham. Perhaps Bilbo meant to marry Hayden when things felt more appropriate, or maybe marriage was not something either of them sought.
Fili felt his face grow hot, and he inhaled tobacco vigorously. He coughed wildly, drawing the attention of a few of the dwarves. Thorin threw him a water skin before sitting down on a clump of rocks just outside the fire's light.
Fili took a large sip of water and cleared his throat. "Kili I really don't think -"
A shrill scream penetrated the air and his fist closed around his pipe, frozen and breathless.
Bilbo rushed over, panic laden on his small features. "What was that?"
"Orcs," Kili said nonchalantly.
Fili couldn't believe the lax tone his brother was taking, considering he himself had jumped out of his skin.
Another scream echoed off the rocks, bouncing around the dwarves who had slumped on the ground in wait for dinner. Gandalf sprang up, jerking himself awake from the slumber that briefly held him, and he leaned against his staff.
"H-Hayden, Dwalin -" Bilbo stammered.
"Coming through the treeline now," Gandalf nodded.
Hayden's head bobbed up and down next to Dwalin's, reflecting ever so slightly in the moonlight, as they approached the camp. Fili let out a breath he hadn't known he had held.
Fili's heart sank. Bilbo had immediately thought of Hayden's safety. "And why shouldn't he? They're friends." Yet Kili's question tugged at the corners of Fili's curiosity, brooding envy.
"Orcs?" Bilbo asked again.
"They're throat-cutters," Fili answered. "There'll be dozens of them out there. The lowlands are crawling with them."
He immediately regretted the words, yet somehow jealousy found its way from his head and out through his mouth. He couldn't help but take the chance to give the hobbit a hard time; it was harmless, after all.
"Aye. They strike in the wee small hours, when everyone's asleep. Quick and quiet; no screams, just lots of blood," Kili said quietly.
He gave Bilbo a menacing look before shifting his gaze to Fili, a smile growing into a light chuckle that Fili returned.
"Do you think that's funny?" Thorin bellowed out, taking a step toward Bilbo. He gave the hobbit a small nod, turning to his nephews. "You think a night raid by orcs is a joke?"
"We didn't mean anything by it," Kili murmured, settling into himself as though he were a child.
"No, you didn't. You know nothing of the world," Thorin spat.
He turned on his heel, shaking his head as he walked to the edge of their outcrop. He turned his gaze to the dark patches of forest where Bifur, Nori, and Dori had gone off to, wondering if his dear friends had heard the screams and were coming back to camp soon.
Fili swallowed his pride. Thorin was right; they didn't know much about the world far from their home. They had been around on trading efforts and diplomatic excursions, but never on a quest and never much farther than the internals of Arnor. He had run across orcs before and they were no laughing matter.
The only time Kili had encountered orcs was during an overnight stay not too far from Weathertop when he was a few years younger, accompanying Fili on one of his first trips as a representative of the dwarven bloodline. Fili had killed most of them; Kili had only shot a few before the threat was eradicated.
From his younger brother's point of view, Fili supposed it was easy to say orcs weren't much of a threat. If Fili hadn't been so vigilant, he wasn't sure if Kili would have made it out of that encounter. Perhaps this was why Kili set such a low expectation from the ghastly creatures.
Bifur, Nori, and Dori had returned, rabbits in tow. They sat just outside the fire's light, working on skinning and deboning the meat. Hayden tiptoed over to the fire, partly to get away from the sight of fresh intestine and to surround herself with capable warriors. The screams still echoed in her mind though she tried to think of other things.
Squeezing herself between Bilbo and Oin, she hugged her knees which quickly warmed from the fire's heat. She felt eyes on her and shifted her gaze to Fili who immediately looked down at his pipe. Hayden stared back into the fire before looking at the blond once more; again he blinked away from her, this time looking out into the night sky.
Balin walked up to the fire, placing a hand on Hayden's shoulder as he winked to Kili. "Don't mind him, laddie. Your uncle has more cause than most to hate orcs."
Fili knew Balin was addressing his younger brother yet he felt the words hit his heart directly. How could he have forgotten? Dwalin and Balin had told him of Azog nearly his entire life, warning not to bring the subject up to Thorin no matter how curious he was as a young dwarfling. Azog made orcs monsters, which they already were, but his existence in history - Thorin's history - made their monstrous presence a reality. It was a reality the Durin bloodline could not escape.
"Oh, we know his cause," Kili said under his breath, granting him a disapproving look from Fili.
Bilbo squeaked, "We do?"
Balin moved to sit against a small stone, crossing his arms. His beard cascaded over them like a waterfall, the fish tailed ends curling and casting strange shadows on his face.
"After the dragon took the Lonely Mountain, King Thror tried to reclaim the ancient dwarf kingdom of Moria. But our enemy had got there first." Balin stared into the fire, seemingly watching figures whip and dance about in the flames. "Moria had been taken by legions of Orcs led by the most vile of all their race: Azog, the Defiler. The giant Gundabad Orc had sworn to wipe out the line of Durin."
"And now I make my move to reclaim a kingdom with the shadow of my grandfather's fate cast upon my shoulders," Thorin called out, anger seeping into the air.
"What happened to your grandfather?" Bilbo asked, eliciting a few wide-eyed stares from some of the dwarves.
Thorin let out a sigh, turning to face the fire from the cliff's edge.
"My grandfather Thror sought out to reclaim Moria. His hopes were to restore a once glorious dwarven homeland for our people. He bore no kinsmen or ally in this quest, save one, a companion named Nar. Nar was the only one to return to us."
Fili and Kili sat up straighter, having heard this story in whispers from others but never Thorin himself.
"As Nar fled, Thror's body was beaten and butchered far beyond recognition, fed to the awaiting crows, save for his head. Hishead the orc filth had severed, carving his own name on my grandfather's forehead. With this our ancestral home was forever lost and our people's faith forever shattered."
Hayden let out a startled breath as she covered her gaping mouth. The rest of the Company remained silent in remorseful contemplation, even Bilbo.
"Is the suffering of my forefather too much for your feminine ears?" Thorin almost spat the words out, and he swallowed hard as though to refrain from spewing more.
Hayden's eyes grew wide as the Company looked at her. First the elves, and now she apparently disgraced his ancestor.
"No, Thorin, it's just I -"
"You haven't seen the horrors of the world - the horrors that have led us here to this very moment."
Hayden sat taller, eyes fixed on Thorin. She had seen plenty in her short lifetime, endured just as much in different ways. But she did not need to tell him that, or any of the Company. This wasn't a play at bragging rights. And so she sat, stoic and unmoved by his demeanor.
"And for your sake I pray you never will," Thorin finished, softening his tone though his face remained hardened. He turned back to face the fields and trees below, the fire's light creating shadows within his dark hair.
Balin shifted on his rock and began speaking through the tension, "In the years that followed, our people fought with the orcs. Many lives were lost and sacrificed for us to survive, including Thrain's son and Thorin's brother, Frerin. There was no feast, no song, for our dead were beyond the count of grief. We few had survived."
"Aye, and a loss that surely was," Gloin commented, shaking his head.
"Dush zalith," Bifur mumbled.
A few more "ayes" hiccuped from the dwarves, now all eagerly listening to their story unfold.
"But it was in these very battles of blood and blade that I first glimpsed Thorin for who he is." Balin's eyes glinted, and Hayden half wondered if he was crying or if the fire's smoke was irritating him. "That is when I saw him: a young dwarf prince facing down the pale orc."
Thorin looked over his shoulder, brows gathered in worrisome thought.
The gesture invigorated Balin, who spoke next in a boisterous voice, "He stood alone against this terrible foe, his armor rend, wielding nothing but an oaken branch as a shield."
Thorin chuckled. "A shield to this day I carry and will forevermore until I can justly call myself King."
Balin stood, turning to face Thorin as though he were the only one present. "And I thought to myself then, there is one who I could follow. There is one I could call King."
The rest of the Company stood, as though the story were ceremonial. Hayden moved to stand but felt it improper - Thorin was not her king nor was he her family. She could respect his position, or rather, authoritative prospect, but she did not want to anger any of her comrades by trying to support an ideology without having a right to such a thing.
Bilbo spoke, oblivious to the kindred moment or ignorant to it. "But the pale orc? What happened to him?"
"He was cut down!" Gloin yelled.
Balin interjected, "We don't know that."
"What don't we know?" Oin asked, his ear trumpet alert.
"Azog the Defiler learned that day that the line of Durin would not be so easily broken," Dwalin said with a smirk.
Thorin turned on his heel, walking towards the campfire. "He slunk back into the hole whence he came. That filth died of his wounds long ago."
For whatever reason, Balin's eyes met Hayden's, downcast and deep against the orange fire. There was something in his stance, his thin line of lip, that told her he knew more of the matter than any of the others. There was something that indicated most of them were dripping with naivety.
"Dwalin," Kili began, crouching down to sit once more, "didn't you tell me this quest to reclaim the Mountain had been undergone before?"
"Aye, Thorin's father Thrain left the Blue Mountains with a small group of dwarves, myself and Balin included, to reclaim the Lonely Mountain. We fought tirelessly in our travels against orcs, wolves, and other fell creatures."
"Other fell creatures?" asked Dori.
"Indeed," chimed Gandalf, who gave Dori a wide eyed look full of mischief.
Dwalin simply continued, "And while crossing the Anduin, a terrible rain chased us in ta the eaves of Mirkwood. But Thrain disappeared! Driven mad by grief he had been, but ne'er would he 'ave abandoned his kin. He went missing, whether taken prisoner or killed, we did not know. And so we returned to the Blue Mountains, our quest devastated."
"What did your people do then? Was Thrain not the King?" Bilbo asked. He glanced at Thorin, hoping his inquiry would not reignite his temper.
Balin spoke next, nodding solemnly. "We were leaderless. Defeat and death were upon us with no king, no true home."
Gloin sighed. "A once mighty people brought so low, hunted by orcs and forgotten by the peoples of the world."
Thorin began untying his jacket. "We took work where we could find it, laboring in the villages of men. But always we remembered the mountain smoke beneath the moon, the trees like torches blazing bright, for we had seen dragon fire in the sky, and our city turned to ash." He shrugged off his jacket, bundling it up and throwing it on his bedroll rather forcibly. "We never forgave, and we never forgot."
"It really is a shame you can't play tonight. I was so looking forward to hearing more music," Hayden said, stuffing her mouth with the last bite of rabbit from her plate.
Bombur had procured some wild onion shoots, which added to the meal's flavor, but became much too charred for her taste. He now sat next to her and pointed to the small black chunks, silently asking for permission to eat them; Hayden handed him her plate.
"Perhaps tomorrow!" Ori exclaimed, glancing around the fire, "As long as there's no sign of Orcs, of course," he added, more to Dori who gave his cousin a disapproving glance.
"I'm afraid we cannot escape the threat of Orcs, Ori. They grow ever present," Thorin added with a sigh.
"Indeed they do," Gandalf chimed. He passed his elongated pipe to Bifur, who gladly took a healthy inhalation. "I fear our journey will not be without peril in this world of late."
"Aye, 'tis why the lass needs more trainin'," Dwalin cleared his throat, sitting straighter on his bedroll. "Master Baggins, you will also accompany us at dawn for a lesson."
"M-me? A lesson? Well, I hardly think that's appropriate."
"Why not?" Gloin bellowed, leaning forward to rest his elbow on his knee. "We all have to defend ourselves!"
Bilbo pursed his lips. "Well, yes, but -"
"Do you think he's afraid?" Kili asked Hayden; she opened her mouth to respond, but found she wasn't sure of the answer.
"I am not afraid, it's just-"
"Did Uncle not give you your new knife?" Fili interjected over Kili's broad shoulders.
"My-my new knife?"
"Your new wife?" Oin shouted.
Hayden laughed loudly. "Yes, we got married today, don't you remember, Oin?"
The circle of dwarves echoed Hayden's merriment except for Bilbo, who simply muttered something under his breath.
"Mahal, even Oin suspects it." Fili thought.
Fili bit down on his pipe, staring into the fire. His brother's comment about Bilbo and Hayden possibly harboring romantic feelings for one another seemed more and more plausible. He avoided Kili's sly smirk, boring a hole in the side of his head.
Thorin smiled, leaning down into his pack. "No, I had forgotten."
He rummaged around for a few moments, though it seemed like hours for Bilbo who sat silently stewing. He turned on his heel, walking over to Biblo with an outstretched hand. In between two of his large fingers was a small knife inside a leather sheath, clean and pointed with a smooth black handle.
"Why, that's just your size!" Nori exclaimed.
Bilbo wasn't quite sure what he had been expecting, but this small weapon hardly looked like something he could use in a fight. It looked more like a knife one would use for choice cuts of meat. Then again he was relieved he hadn't been handed a war hammer taller than he.
Thorin crossed his arms, somehow now appearing larger as he stood over Bilbo. "See to it you keep that on your person. All I ask is that you defend yourself."
Bilbo nodded slowly, turning the knife over in his hands. He thought about removing it from the leather covering to inspect the blade, but the weight of fifteen pairs of eyes kept his fingers from completing the task. Instead he opted to tuck it away in his breast pocket, the top of the handle protruding ever so slightly.
"Thank you, Thorin," he added quietly.
"And so you will join us in the morn'," Dwalin finished.
Bilbo gave the bald dwarf a small nod and turned to Hayden. She stretched out her hand and wiggled her eyebrows, eyeing his small, new knife. He hesitated, eventually handing it over as though it were something secretive. Most of the dwarves had begun to fall into discussion or dreams, but Bilbo's heart was still racing with embarrassment. He glanced beyond Hayden to Kili and Fili, annoyed that the brothers were sparing glances at him.
"This is the perfect size, really!"
"Hayden, it's pathetic. Gandalf may as well use it as a toothpick," Bilbo whispered.
"Shh. It was very generous of Thorin in the first place." She unsheathed the knife, poking the tip with her thumb. Like a needle, it drew blood instantly. "Ouch!"
"Hayden!" Bilbo grabbed her hand, turning it over as though the knife had cut off each finger.
"I'm fine, it's just sharp!"
"Well yes, most knives are. That's why we don't play with them," Bilbo spat out.
"You don't say!" Hayden began laughing, clutching Bilbo's hand. "You've slain your first beast, Bilbo!"
Bilbo chuckled as well, bringing Hayden's thumb closer to his face. Hayden rested her hand on his shoulder, laughing silently to herself.
In between arguing with Kili and Dwalin over an incident involving their mother, a handmaid, and a bag of carrots, Fili's eyes locked onto Hayden and Bilbo's lighthearted embrace. He fell silent.
Kili glanced over his shoulder and let out a sigh. "What did I say earlier?"
"You've said a lot of things, Kili, none of them bright," Fili snapped.
"What's this bickering?" Dwalin asked, looking between the two brothers. "Do I have to go and make you fight it out like when you were wee lads?"
"He knows the result of that scrimmage all too well - blade against bow," Fili said.
"Are you serious? Is he serious?" Kili asked both his brother and Dwalin; he scrambled as his feet moved him to stand.
Fili stood as well, prompting Dwalin to follow.
Fili began raising his voice, "I'm always serious, isn't that what you told me on our way to the Shire? Never myself, ever the dedicated, monotonous prince?"
Kili's mouth hung open before a curse flew out of it, "Kakhuf inbarathrag!"
"Fili, what is the reason for yer temper?" Dwalin stepped in between the two brothers. "Surely you do not mean yer brother dishonor by these words."
Most had ignored their exchange, but the aggressive shift of mood had most of the Company quiet in wait. Thorin, Gandalf, and Balin stood near the outcrop's edge deep in discussion.
Fili took a deep breath, eyeing his comrades who either pretended to be disinterested or preoccupied. Hayden looked back at him with a worried expression, and he had to look away lest he start saying words to her he should not share. She was burned into Fili's mind, no matter where he looked. He needed a distraction - the sight of her and Bilbo was all he could think of aside from that of Hayden's lifeless body, unmoving and soaked in her own blood. Either image was unwelcome.
Fili lifted a hand to his temple, the other in a plea of surrender. "I do not," Fili sighed. "I am unwell and did not mean you any offense Kili."
"Well I do not accept that poor excuse of an apology and demand you fight me."
Gloin groaned from his bedroll, sitting up. "Oh come now, lads, now's not the time for fun. Lay your asses down and get some rest! Show each other who's the better dwarf in the morn'."
"Kili, I'm sorry," Fili pleaded, letting his arms drop in defeat. He opened his mouth to say something more, but deemed it more appropriate to dismiss himself.
He walked down onto the other side of the outcrop, Kili trailing after him before Dwalin placed a large hand across his chest. "Let him be, laddie. You can talk it out later."
"He has no right to speak to me that way!"
"Aye, he is in a foul mood and an even fouler mind. Your brother is not himself tonight. Let it be."
The Company watched Kili and Dwalin step off into their own conversation, and most found the silence comforting for sleep, a puff of tobacco, or shared stories. The evening was not yet late and so the general hum and stir about camp was not yet bothersome.
Bilbo had taken to meticulously removing blades of grass from his jacket, moving it this way and that in the fire's light for visibility. Hayden had watched him mindlessly, ignoring the urge to check on Fili. She knew he had wanted to be alone and wouldn't care for the entire Company coming to check on him, but with most of them distracted, now seemed like the most discrete time.
She rose slowly, rummaging in her pack for the salve Fili had bought her. She needed some sort of excuse to seek him out, and bringing her sword would draw too much attention. A girl going into the woods with a sword, not knowing how to use it? Too suspicious. A girl going into the woods with a jar of salve? Far more innocent.
"Where are you going?"Bilbo asked, hardly looking up from his jacket.
Hayden paused, hoping Bilbo wouldn't want to try to keep her company. "Just need to relieve myself. Some fresh air might do me good before bed."
He simply nodded and went back to cleaning his jacket free of earth.
Hayden walked silently down the small incline of the outcrop, away from the fire's light. Surprisingly the moon and stars illuminated the rocky ground like small flashlights, keeping her from tripping. She saw Fili sitting on a rather large rock, looking out into the distance, and thought not to startle him. Purposefully, she kicked a rock with her toe, sending a trail of pebbles rolling down to the pasture below.
Fili didn't flinch, instead eyes fixed ahead. "Kili, I told you I'm sorry. Just let me clear my mind."
"Actually, Fili, I was hoping you could help me with something."
At the sound of her voice, he jumped. Not visibility, but inside his own skin. In the pale moonlight he wasn't sure if she was even real to begin with or a figment of his imagination, pulling him to the edge of the cliff - and insanity.
"I haven't really wanted to put this salve on myself, seeing as the rest of the Company doesn't know about the bruises." She stopped a foot from him, fumbling with the jar in the darkness. "I was wondering if maybe you could do it?"
He blinked at her, all rational thought leaving him. She looked up at the sky, and the way her skin seemed to glow beneath the moon's rays left him paralyzed. Her eyelashes cast small shadows on her cheeks, the curve of her nose and jaw so delicate. All he wanted to do was touch her, and so he did.
The back of his fingers moved over her skin, tracing her cheek bone. She was still flushed from the fire's heat even in the gradual chilling of the night air. He wanted to linger there without any recourse, but fought the urge. Instead he reached out to her fidgeting hands and held them until she gave him the small jar of salve.
Fili shifted his body towards her, a leg on either side of her standing frame, and popped the lid open. He took one of her hands in his and began gently rolling up her sleeve.
Hayden cleared her throat. "It was just an excuse, really. I wanted to check on you. I'm more than capable of putting this on myself."
Fili craned his head to the side as if weighing her words before dipping his thumb in the jar, spreading the salve in small circles across her wrist and forearm.
"Fili, you really don't have to."
Hayden felt her chest grow warm, and she couldn't help but admire the way the moon cast shadows on his body. His shoulders were proud, the muscles of his thighs sturdy, the curve of his thumb more pronounced as his hands moved over hers. Even the curvature of his lips seemed to stand out beneath his braided mustache.
Before she knew it, he had rubbed the salve into the calluses on her palm and was motioning for her other arm. Without protest, she offered it to him, and he rolled up the sleeve but not without letting his fingers glide over her skin at an achingly slow pace. The sensation was unexpected, sending goosebumps up her arm. As he rubbed in the salve, he looked up at her. If magic was indeed real, Hayden swore she saw it then.
Without another word, he rolled her sleeves down and placed the lid back on the jar with a resounding 'pop', handing it out for her to reclaim.
His thoughts no longer lingered on the torment this oath was causing him or on his duty as the heir to the Durin line. He no longer debated with himself over Bilbo or the lifelong dreams that he hoped Hayden shared. None of it mattered in an instant. In fact, Fili was sure if she wasn't his dream friend, he'd still give his life to her without a second thought. If this moment was all he could have, he would cherish it - just the two of them sharing the sweet night air.
She took the jar. "Thank you," she said quietly.
Fili simply nodded, looking back out into the dark fields below.
Hayden followed his gaze but found herself looking up at the stars once more. They still were so foreign and distant yet beautiful in every twinkle. She stood for a moment before sitting down next to Fili on the rather jagged rock.
"Fili?"
He simply hung his head to his chest, taking a deep and long breath.
"Fili, if I've done something to make you upset -"
"Why would you say such a thing?"
Hayden looked back up to the stars. "You hadn't spoken a single word to me until now."
"Oh," he said with hesitation. "I was…distracted."
"By what?"
Fili glanced at Hayden momentarily. "Isn't it obvious?"
Hayden looked over at him only to find him fidgeting with his fingers. A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, followed by a blush she was thankful the darkness masked
"Well, we all need a good distraction now and then."
Fili hummed in agreement, leaning forward on his knees. "I'm afraid I cannot afford myself such luxuries."
"Why not?"
He let his head fall back, looking up at the stars directly above him. How he wanted to pour everything out to her, ask her every single question he had mulled over since meeting her. The only rational answer, of course, rounded back to the oath he had made in Bag End. The oath that had a large part in her presence there.
Instantly he knew he had to keep her at arms length. She was getting too close to his heart, or rather, he was allowing himself to get too close. If he were to truly uphold his oath to his Uncle, his people, he had to remain focused. He could not let himself slip into this kind of familiarity, least of all unsupervised.
Fili stood abruptly. "I am sorry, Hayden, but we cannot meet like this again."
"What do you mean?"
She hopped off the rock as well, a sinking feeling in her stomach. If he hadn't been angry with her now she feared he was.
Fili sighed. "What would the Company think, my running off and you chasing after me? I cannot risk...dignity among my kin and I will not risk yours as well."
Hayden felt the blood leave her face. "Oh, Fili. No, I didn't mean…"
"I know you meant no harm, but they may not. Just as your living with Bilbo unbetrothed is odd to some, this too may raise some alarm."
She stood silent for a moment, nodding in understanding. "I didn't think about any of that. I'm so sorry, Fili."
"Your compassion for my well being is not misplaced or overlooked, nor is it not met with as much care in return. And do not apologize, I forbade it earlier," he said with a smile.
Hayden laughed lightly, moving slowly back up the rocky path to camp. "Well, goodnight Fili."
He watched her shrink out of sight before following in her cloaked footsteps. He was intent on waiting a few more minutes to give the Company good reason not to suspect their timely reappearance. In fact, he had half a mind to speak with Kili.
"Goodnight Hayden."
The sun rose much too swiftly for the Company's liking, save for Dwalin. As the first ray of sunlight stretched across the cloud-kissed sky, he was readying for the day. They had little time before setting out on the road and he'd make the most of it for Hayden's sake. Unlike Bilbo whose burglary skillset was necessitated, her presence was not crucial or even planned. She had to learn or be left behind.
"Now, I don' want ya to remember the steps like some routine. The routine will come with your own movements and mannerisms - otherwise you'll end up focusing on the steps rather than savin' yer skin."
"Form, it's all about form. I know," Hayden breathed.
She marched back up to her beginning spot, now a divot in the dirt from her continuous sprint toward Bilbo.
Bilbo readied himself for her hundredth attack, bracing an arm in front of his face with the other ready to stab. He held nothing, of course, not even a stick. He wouldn't risk harming Hayden even accidentally - again.
Hayden took off, her feet flying of their own accord as she willed herself past the exhaustion. With her right hand poised above her head holding an imaginary sword, she thrust it down towards an awaiting Bilbo, who turned around as she used her forward momentum to turn on her heel. She raised her left arm in a block, fighting off Bilbo's small stabbing motions, and side stepped to her right, bracing to thrust her invisible blade once more. Bilbo countered yet again, and she shifted backwards, readying herself for another charge.
"Again!" Dwalin called.
The pair dropped their arms, heavy from carrying their imaginative weapons, and reset.
"Dwalin, am I missing something?" Bilbo said, panting. "Will I just be defending off Hayden all morning or?"
Dwalin shook his head. "Knowin' how to defend yourself is important."
"Well, yes, but am I to just stand here, waiting for her to fake attack me? Isn't there something else I could do? Attack her for once?"
"I'm charged with only teachin' ya how to defend your own. Fightin' is another thing entirely."
"And…and why does Hayden get to learn how to fight?"
"The lady is eager enough ta ask questions, purchase a weapon - you have done no such thing. Last night ye hardly accepted an offerin' of trainin'." Dwalin stepped forward, looming over Bilbo. "But we can't have ya prancin' around a fight while the rest 'a us protect yer velvety behind, so the least I can do is show ya how to survive properly."
"Now wait just a moment -"
"Bilbo, Dwalin is right. You haven't really asked or wanted to be trained."
Bilbo shuffled in place, mouth gawking open at Hayden's support of this rude, impossible dwarf. A bald one, at that.
"Well my coming on this adventure," Bilbo began, spitting out the word, "was not contingent on me becoming a hunter, warrior, or anything else of the sort!" He stomped forward, thrusting the knife into Hayden's hand. "Evidently I won't be getting much use of this. You keep it!"
"No, Bilbo, wait!" Hayden called. She looked at the small knife in her hand.
Dwalin snorted, his hands on his hips as he watched Bilbo sink back into the treeline. "Hobbits."
Hayden crossed her arms. "That wasn't very nice of you, either."
"I only told the lad the truth."
"Maybe that's your truth, but if he's showing interest in learning how to fight now, why not train him? What does it matter if he originally wanted nothing to do with it?"
"What matters is you holdin' yer own. Lass," Dwalin began, motioning Hayden closer.
She simply folded her arms, shifting her weight onto one leg as the other pushed dirt around in circles.
Dwalin leaned against the trunk of a nearby tree. "Hayden, I like you. The Company likes you. Thorin -"
"Would rather have left me back in the Shire," Hayden finished.
"I would'na go as far as that."
"It's true. He has been more than kind to me but I can tell my presence causes him stress. As does Bilbo's."
Dwalin looked out into the forest, eyes searching for the right words as though they'd be written on parchment hanging off of branches.
"He may not like me sayin' this but if you canno' hold yer own out here, if you cause injury or death to any one of us, he will leave you. He has no reason not to."
Hayden stood up straight, now avoiding Dwalin's gaze. She knew all of this already, at least subconsciously, but now it felt as though her own existence were an inadequacy.
"Ye must understand, this quest, this journey, 'tis no luxury. We do not gather to have ourselves a merry way by forest and brook o'er peak and pasture. We gather to restore life for our people. A task such as this we canno' and will not gamble away. Not on you, not on anyone, even one of our own."
"I know, and I do not intend on getting in the way."
Dwalin nodded, more so to himself than to Hayden. "Aye, I know ya don't. As is evident by yer dedication today." He leaned away from the tree's trunk, striding to her. "But you have to earn yer place in the Company, 'least to Thorin. The hobbit -"
She shot her eyes up at him.
"Bilbo," Dwalin corrected, "already has a place, whether he wants it or not. He is our burglar, by contract an' choice. He does not have ta prove his worth in strength or battle. He does not have ta fight for us, merely himself."
"While I have to show I am not dead weight."
Dwalin moved his chin around as if in contemplation. "More or less."
Hayden let out a rough sigh, dropping her hands. She looked through the trunks of trees leading back up to where camp was, where Bilbo had escaped off to. She could smell something cooking, muffled voices confirming the Company was awake.
"Dwalin, why treat Bilbo the way you did? If he's secured his place in the Company, why do you treat him as if you resent him?"
"Because, lass, I do."
Hayden stared blankly at the dwarf, expecting him to elaborate. When he didn't, she pressed. "Why?"
Dwalin began walking towards camp, motioning for Hayden to follow. "Come, time for us to return. We will discuss more technique and tactic in our travels."
She skipped behind him, reaching out to touch the trimmed fur of his collar. "Dwalin, why do you resent him?"
Dwalin stopped, turning to Hayden. He looked around as though to ensure they were alone before continuing in a hushed tone. "Because I can see how you want to be here, you want to help. Yer cause is as genuine as any o' ours. And yet you have ta work harder just ta breathe the same air."
He stomped off, and Hayden was left instantly with a sinking feeling in her chest. She knew Bilbo was there by choice, but somehow Dwalin's words painted a clearer picture. Not only did she need to prove she deserved a spot as the fifteenth member of the Company, she needed to continuously earn it. Her nightmare the other night and her overall lack of training didn't do much to make her an asset. She was not yet an equal, but she could be. The thought saddened and empowered her.
As the two emerged into camp, the Company was already busying themselves for a full day of travel. Nearly all bedrolls and packs were being tucked neatly away or secured to ponies, unkempt beards were partially tamed from slumber, and plates of fresh and vibrant eggs were being served up.
Hayden eyed Bilbo, seeing to his bedroll far too meticulously and walked over to him.
"Bilbo -"
"I don't want to talk right now, thank you," Bilbo brushed Hayden off.
She crouched down, forcing him to look at her.
"Please, Bilbo."
Bilbo spared her a short glance before forcibly tucking the ends of his bedroll into itself, moving to latch the ties that held it secure in a bundle.
"Aside from yourself, a knife is one of the only things you can count on for protection, shelter, food - everything essential out in the wild."
Bilbo looked from her to the knife in her palm and back, anger blatant in his brows. Reluctantly, he took his small knife, stuffing it into his breast pocket.
"I'm sorry for not fully standing by you earlier. I understand you're mad at me, and I'll respect that anger."
She stood, turning to see to packing away her own bedroll and Bilbo shot up like a weed after the first spring rain.
"Hayden, I'm not mad at you. It's just…it's just that I feel I don't belong here and, well, you seem to fit right in."
Hayden clasped Bilbo's shoulder. "Bilbo, you do belong here. You just haven't enthusiastically expressed that sentiment, which is all I was trying to say about training. But you do have a place in the Company."
"As do you, the fifteenth member in fact."
Hayden let out a small sigh. "I'm not so sure."
She looked over to Dwalin, who somehow gave her a knowing smile with all but a twitch of his lips, and then to Kili who she saw bobbing childishly over with what she suspected was her plate of eggs. Bofur's cheeks seemed ever cheery and cherry red, and sweet Ori had a kind smile as he helped Bombur secure the still sizzling pans and pots. Lastly she found Fili, who was helping Oin pack his things in one of the saddle bags. The entire Company had been kind to her, gracious even, but these dwarves somehow made her feel more at home with each passing day.
As soon as Fili finished helping Oin, he stood for a moment, only to meet Hayden's eyes from across the spiraling smoke of the dying campfire. Hayden felt warmth flicker throughout her body as her heart quickened in pace, the deafening thumps invading her ears. She fought the urge to break eye contact and instead did something uncharacteristic in her girlish stupor; she smiled.
"Fili, what troubles you," Thorin asked. He did not spare his nephew a glance, instead eyes focused ahead on the trail.
Fili swallowed the knot in his throat. "I am fine, Uncle."
"I know my sister's sons. Your body may be beside me but your presence is elsewhere."
He wanted to yell at Thorin, to curse him for making up such an oath to avoid Hayden. At his deepest and darkest impulse he wanted to forsake the quest altogether and escape into the green meadows with her - no one else's prying eyes or ears. Fili longed for the carefree life his kinsmen were afforded, worrying only of working an honest day, loving an honest woman, and raising an honest family. He longed to return to the outcrop under the moon's light, Hayden by his side. Fili wanted to be selfish for the first time in his life at a time where doing such a thing would mean his race would never again step foot on ancestral soil.
As his only father figure, Fili wanted to ask Thorin questions about how he should act, speak, and behave around Hayden. He wanted to ask if this was what destiny felt like - utter madness in a chaotic state of being. He wanted Thorin's opinion on Bilbo's presence in her life, on the dreams that chased him from youth. Fili wanted many things, all of which he could not have at the present moment. He only feared that if he did not act in some way, he could possibly never have them.
They trotted in silence for minutes before Fili finally cleared his throat. "I have pledged myself to this Company and quest, ignoring my dreams and Hayden in the process. You have asked this of me, and I am simply focused on adhering to that oath at present."
Thorin nodded in understanding and lowered his voice. "And what of this dream in Bree? Surely I have not forgotten the climactic moonlight awakening."
Fili turned his head around, ensuring Balin, Gloin, Oin, and Dwalin were preoccupied and paced adequately away. He was sure Thorin would confide in these senior members of the Company as it were, but he'd rather the conversation be private to begin with.
"This was a nightmare, a true plague of the mind. The sight still haunts my memory if my thoughts linger too long."
Thorin glanced sideways at Fili, eyes laced with concern. "What was it you saw?"
"I watched Hayden die. Brutally, barbarically at the hands of a man the likes only evil can conjure. I could do nothing to stop him."
Thorin shifted in his saddle, whispering now to Fili, "I am sorry. Dreams such as this can have a profound impact on us. But do not worry, when I experience dreams such as this I-"
"Uncle this was not a dream. This was a memory. As real as you or I, her blood dark and ugly on the snow laden ground."
"Do you not think it a coincidence you have such a dream the night after Miss Hayden's own outburst?" Gandalf chimed.
Fili and Thorin nearly jumped out of their skin - and saddles.
"For Mahal's sake, keep your ears tuned to communal conversation! Could you not see we were in the midst of a private discussion?" Thorin barked.
"Yes, I could. Which is why I felt it necessary to interject." Gandalf held his head high, allowing his horse to trot in line with Daisy and Scorch. "Miss Telchara is undergoing an internal torment of sorts I believe. If the same is happening to you, Fili, I deem it wise we consider the two events as one rather than exclusive."
"Internal torment?" Fili asked. He didn't bother looking at Thorin who undoubtedly had steam billowing out of his ears.
"Yes, Hayden is missing a part of her identity. A part which, as I've already revealed to you, may lie in her heritage. She has many, many questions that need answering and yet she has not thought to ask them. I believe her nightmares are not of her doing. Some unseen force is manipulating her vulnerable mind, and therefore, manipulating Hayden."
"And this force is also manipulating me?" Fili said in a low tone.
Gandalf poked his tongue around inside his cheek. "Tell me, Fili, had you dreamt of Hayden before this nightmare?"
Fill felt his face grow hot as his limbs began losing all feeling. Thorin's gaze added further weight to his chest, restricting his breathing the longer he tried to suppress a response.
"No, I do not believe so."
"And why would you lie to a wizard?"
Fili whipped his head to Gandalf, his mustache swinging wildly. "It is not a lie! I cannot confess to you if I have seen her in my dreams or if it is some other red haired maiden that I meet in the forest."
"Ah, but you suspect. As do I."
"You do?" Thorin asked, stealing the very words from Fili.
"Yes. Your response has just confirmed my suspicions. And as a matter of fact, I was not referring to a dream in the forest but rather the dream with the dragon you had back at Bag End."
The three rode on in silence, Gandalf glancing at the passing of branches and leaves overhead. Thorin sighed heavily, once more speaking without looking at his intended target.
"She must be left behind."
"What! Uncle -"
"No! That would be a most grievous idea," Gandalf practically yelled.
Thorin looked between the two of them, then back across the line of ponies trailing behind. No one had seemed to notice the raised voices, and he intended on keeping it that way.
"If she is left behind then so am I," Fili said. His eyes narrowed, head pounding with anger.
"Nonsense, you are a prince of Durin."
"And I am not leaving her, whether she is who I believe her to be or not."
"Perhaps," Gandalf interrupted, his voice hanging in the air as he pondered, "perhaps it would be wise to inform her of her heritage? Elicit a response if not a memory which may help us clear the smoke that clouds our minds."
"And what of Fili's dreams? How are they explained in her heritage?" Thorin said quietly. "Nothing but lust filled fantasy," Thorin added under his breath.
Fili moved to defend himself, but Gandalf's voice trailed through his ears first. "Fili's dreams and the pursuit of their truth are just as valid as your quest to Erebor. In fact, they may explain how she came to live and breathe some thousands of years after her father's death."
Fili could practically hear the cogs turning inside Thorin's head, contrasting the scenarios that may play out if Gandalf's advice were taken. Finally, after several winds in the Great East Road, Thorin spoke, "I'll reveal to Hayden her heritage. I may seek your council, Gandalf, but I will be the one to broach the subject. The others may not be as supportive or delicate in their words. But we will not discuss the dreams, not yet. Is that understood, Fili?"
"Yes, Uncle."
"And I will see to it that your oath is still upheld."
With his memory of Hayden in the moonlight, he found he had a comforting and secretive distraction to keep his heart at bay.
"Yes, Uncle."
