Leonardo knew he should have just pretended to be sick today.
That nagging voice deep inside of his head, normally drowned out by words of bushido and stuff about Shinto, somehow got it's two cents in and shouted, "Leo! Take the day off! Do it or I'll tell your brothers about your Evangelion collection!"
Leo regretted shoving that thought aside. Because here he is, standing in his youngest brother's doorway to wake him up and try to get his scaly ass to the dojo before Splinter tears it to pieces.
On a normal day, he'd be met with, "Bro just five more minutes I swear," arising from the garbage heap of a bed that somehow seemed out of place in a literal sewer. Either that or, "Don't come in yet, don't come in yet," as the sounds of something being shoved into a tight space, mixed with the smell of marijuana seeped through the locked door.
This wasn't a normal day. Instead of a groggy and relatively chill turtle begging for a few more minutes (I promise bro!), he was met with a sad, depressed red eared slider curled up in a fetal position and crying as if Klunk as just been ran over.
"WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH?!" Mike blubbered, large almost cartoonishly fat tears spilling down his face and soaking his orange mask. Leo wasn't having it. "Faking a depressive episode didn't work the last time and it won't work this time. Now get your shell in gear and get to the dojo." Mikey responded by running out of his room wailing, "MY LIFE IS NOTHING BUT PAIN SUFFERING AND LONELINESS," more tears ran down his cheeks and Leo could swear he saw some mascara lines as well. "Great, another one of those days," he said to himself, shaking his head and he made his way to the dojo.
Inside the dojo, Splinter looked over his students, the first three looked normal. However his normally cheerful child was looking anything but. In fact, he looked rather, what was that word Raphael was so fond of using? Ahh yes. "Emo". Michelangelo was looking extraordinarily "emo". Figuring it was just a phase teen boys go through, he brushed it aside.
"Today, Donatello will spar with Raphael, and Leonardo with Michelangelo," All four got into their respective positions. Splinter sat and observed. His two middle children were normal, with Raph mocking his brainy younger brother, "Don't worry. I'll try to go easy on ya, brainiac," and Donatello mocking him back in his ever so snide tone "Easy?" Don scoffed, "Please, in case you haven't noticed Raphael this is ninjitsu, not a spelling quiz."
Bear successfully poked. Raph lunged with a snarl.
After bowing to one another, Leonardo looked his youngest brother in the eyes. The sad, watery, bloodshot eyes. "Ummm, bro is everything alr-," "WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND? I'LL NEVER BE AS GOOD A NINJA AS YOU! THIS ISN'T WHO I AM!" he shouted, falling down to the floor in a Shinji Ikari sitting pose and interrupting Raph and Don's sparring match, the former using the latter's head as a drum with his broken bo staff and the latter shouting "UNCLE UNCLE I SAID UNCLE GODDAMNIT!"
"YAME!"
The dojo fell silent, everyone stood perfectly still, like a garden with freakishly huge bipedal turtle statues instead of angels, as Splinter approached his oldest and youngest. "What is the matter, my son?" He was answered with Michelangelo raising up, even more tears flowing freely down his face, and screeching, "STOP, PLEASE STOP! Y-YO-YOU'RE BREAKING ME!" and running out of the dojo with his hands flapping to his sides as if he were trying to fly.
Leo turned to his immediate younger brother with an accusing glare. "You hit him too hard again didn't you?" Raph was quick to respond to the accusation, "Temptin' as it is, I can't take da blame for dis one."
Splinter walked a short distance in front of the three and stopped, as is he were rallying a team of superheroes to fight some CGI supervillain. "Something is very wrong here. We need to figure it out or we shall lose our Michelangelo forever. Kindly figure it out while I meditate on the matter."
As he left, Don shouted out, "Aren't you going to help us out here?" "There are many things I am able to combat, my son. Many things I will face without fear. However, I draw the line at teenage hormones. Now I must bid you all good day," and left to his room. Not just "regular old Master Splinter" leaving either, but "fuck this shit you're on your own" leaving.
Don looked down, muttering, "Looks like it's just the three of us against Hamato Darkness Dementia Raven Way."
