A/N - sorry. You might wanna grab a tissue for this one.


ANOTHER KIND OF LOVE


She answers on the second ring, having been expecting this call at some point. "Hello?... Hello?... Rachel, is that you? Are you there, honey?"

Sniffles and shallow breaths are all she can muster at first, even now thirty some hours later. She thought she was ready to make this call, but now hearing that familiar voice on the line just makes this feeling of loss more real and makes her heart clench. She swallows hard against the giant lump that's refusing to allow any form of speech pass her lips, and finally manages a garbled sound "Mhm" through her clogged nose. A fresh wave of tears floods down her already chapped red cheeks.

A full day and then some of travel spent alone on a train left her raw and sleepless, her mind still reeling from the unexpected turn of events she's just been through. Her eyes burn and the immense pressure in her sinus cavities threatens to make her head explode. Her teeth ache from the swelling in her soft palate. Air hasn't passed through her nostrils since she kissed him in his car and reluctantly accepted his plea for surrender.

Her vision still blurs under saltwater held by clay-like eyelids, heavy and swollen. Her tear ducts should be empty by now. But that's the thing about being Rachel Berry – there seems to be an endless supply of tears flowing from the sea of emotions swelling in her chest cavity.

She has too much to do, too much to fix, too much planning ahead, but the nervous, flaming anxiety in the pit of her stomach won't let her eat or sleep, won't let her think straight. She's too hurt, too confused and far too angry.

He loves her, she knows that, but still... How could he do this to her? How could he be SO reckless with her heart? With THEIR future? Most of all, in the face of all that love, how could he LIE to her like that? How could he even think he could doom her to a lonely existence in a strange new place without him?

Once upon a time, she'd spent years preparing for that eventuality, of relying on only herself in this moment. But then he came along and undid all of that careful planning and preparation. He re-wrote what her future looked like by loving her. He had to know that, right? So how could he send her away from him, away from her HOME?

No, she won't accept it.

The muscles along her neck and shoulders are so tense, one wrong move would surely snap them. She's chewed her nails down to the quick, picking at her cuticles until they bled and she's twisted the diamond ring still perched on her left hand ring finger until the skin around it is red and raw.

Her fathers just left an hour ago, hoping she would finally settle down and get some sleep, but she knows she can't – won't – until she understands. Until she sets this situation right again. Until she fixes things. And she knows she can always undo it all, no matter what anyone else says. She is Rachel Barbra Berry and she rises to every challenge until she achieves her goals. She'll be damned if she's letting the love of her life abandon her like this and go off to war, and maybe never come back to her. She loves him too much to be without him.

She won't lose him. She CAN'T.

The voice on the phone is calm and soothing, like warm honey. "Rachel, sweetheart, it's okay. Take your time. I'm here. Just..." The older woman sighs resignedly."...Oh, honey. Just breathe, okay? I'm right here. I'm right here for you sweetheart." Hearing the young girl on the other end stirs long buried emotions. She realizes this is exactly how she sounded back then when that call came to her, and it breaks her heart to know that Rachel now knows the feel of a wound that cuts that deep.

She's tried to understand and be supportive, but she can't help but feel a pang of her own outrage at her son for doing this to her – to all of them. Memories of the pain and loss she felt the day she learned of Christopher's death flicker to life and she does her best to push them away again, reminding herself this isn't quite the same for Rachel; after all, Finn is still here, alive and well. And god willing, it'll stay that way.

A sob rips from Rachel's mouth, and another, and another, then a primal scream tries to leave her throat but sounds like a whisper and more tears fall hard like a hailstorm of bullets. It hurts her throat to force the words out. "He.. how... why?"

Carole breathes deeply and closes her eyes, fighting her own urge to break down as the girl's utter hopelessness leeches across the airwaves and re-breaks her heart. "He loves you Rachel. He does, so very much. With his whole heart. And he wants you to have your dream."

Finally the tightness strangling her larynx abates and anger steps forward. She begins shaking her head in protest violently. "But Carole, HE IS my dream! He's been my dream since we first sang together! He's been my heart since our first kiss! He's everything to me, my heart, my HOME... How could he just up and change all our plans so easily, so quickly, make these decisions for us, about us, WITHOUT ME?!"

"He knew you would talk him out of it, sweetie. And you would have; he knows it, I know it, and you know it."

"Well, so what if I would have?! Would that be so wrong with that? To want to actually BE with the man I love, the man I want to spend my whole life with? I'd... Carole, I'd give up anything to be with him! I'd give up Broadway for him..."

"And that's why he's here and you're there. He knows you would've. He doesn't want that for you. He wants you to have it all."

"Doesn't he understand, I don't want it without him?! I can't... I can't do this without him! Maybe there was a time when I could, but not now. Not since him. Things CHANGED for me because of him... he thinks he'll somehow ruin this for me? He's already RUINED IT by sending me here alone!"

"Honey, this is the part where I have to give you some tough love. And make no mistake Rachel, I do love you. I know you WILL be my daughter in law one day, but until then you are still my family. So listen close when I tell you this: You can do this, and you will do this. Rachel you have to know, YOU changed HIM too.

"Before you, he didn't care about much of anything. He certainly didn't plan anything beyond his next party or next football game. But now, because of you, he cares about EVERYTHING. He worries how he can be there for you when he hasn't been there for himself all this time. He worries for his own future.

"Sweetheart you've always known your path and prepared for it most of your life. He'd never thought about those things for himself until you. He's never been tested to know what he can handle, to know his emotional strength, to know for sure that he can be the man you'll need him to be – not just for right now, but in five years, in ten, in fifty – especially in a whole new life, a new city, with a new girl...

"You must surely realize you will become someone new, too, Rachel. School and your career is going to change you in ways that, maybe he feels unprepared for. And when you succeed – and we're all quite confident you will – you are very much bound to be a star. He wants to be ready for that. He didn't spend his whole life preparing for a future in New York the way you did. He didn't spend a lifetime imagining his future self in that role, or what it would look like to be by your side."

"No, that's true he didn't, but Carole we talked about all of that... and I can HELP HIM! I can help him prepare... He needs me as much as I need him!"

"Sweetie, you two talked about what you hoped or thought would happen in the short term. The easy, immediate things – graduating high school, moving to New York together. Living in that little shoebox apartment. You'd go to school and he'd maybe help you rehearse line or practice songs. He'd come watch you perform, watch you graduate NYADA, and eventually watch your rise to fame on Broadway with a bird's eye view from the front row of your shows. That's what you talked about, right?"

"Yes, we talked about all of that, a thousand times probably."

"Okay. Now what parts in all of that were FINN'S plans for HIS future? Because honey, all of that wonderful future planning you talked about was all part of you achieving YOUR DREAM, the steps for realizing your future. And I know you are part of his future too, don't get me wrong; but did you expect he was just going to BE in New York hanging around like a house pet?"

"No! Of course not! I encouraged him to apply to schools and, and I could help him study and research other schools or jobs even if he wants to take some time off and work instead. He doesn't even have to go to school if he doesn't want to, but I know he has so much potential to be so much more. I just want everything for him too, so I offered–"

"You offered to re-chart all the plans you'd been making for your future the whole time he's known you. To change even the things you two had already been talking about. To stay here and defer a year. To follow him. And he declined that offer. It's not because he doesn't love you, it's because he does. It's not because he doesn't want to be with you – I believe he wants that more than anything. But some of this relationship has to be on his terms too, sweetie.

"He wants to feel like he's earned his place with you in the big city – not in the emotional sense, because it's pretty clear where you both stand – but in a more practical sense. He needs to figure out what his life is going to look like standing next to you in the future, to feel like he's accomplished something on his own. And that's something that neither you nor I can do for him. You've never once accepted a free ride or hand-outs from anyone with respect to your career goals, right? You've always said if you want something, you have to work for it. Hard work and perseverance, right?"

Rachel sighs loudly, realizing her own words were more prophetic than she could've ever imagined. "Yeah. That's true. I've always pushed myself and relied on only myself and my talent to succeed..."

"Then honey, why is it so hard to accept that he needs to do the same thing now? You taught him what he needs to do. Now you just need to... let him do it."

"He lied to me though, Carole! He said he would marry me... and then he pushed me away on a train, alone. We were supposed to do this TOGETHER, to find both our dreams together. Why would he do that?"

"Well, I admit his decisions do seem very last minute, but... sweetheart, did he ask for the ring back?"

"No."

"Did he tell you he didn't want to marry you?"

"No, in fact he said the opposite, but–"

"And think hard about it. Did he really force you on that train, or did you go willingly?"

"I... But I didn't want to, though! He ambushed me with everything, and made me feel like I had no choice!"

"Because if he'd told you ahead of time..."

"...I would have talked him out of it."

"Yes. Be honest Rachel. You put yourself on that train, honey, because it's where you were always meant to be. You had an opportunity at the station to refuse, but you didn't. And deep down, you know he didn't lie to you. He just, he showed you another kind of love. A selfless kind. A tough love maybe... But he wants to marry you, and I know he will. When the time is right. And for right now..."

"...It isn't."

"No. I think you knew that in your heart already too, given that it took you three days to answer his proposal. But I believe the time will be right one day. And hey, two years is a far cry from forever, you know. It'll go by so much faster than you think."

As Rachel silently nods in acceptance on her end of the phone, her watery sad smile reflects in her voice. "I just love him so much, Carole. I'm going to miss him more than anything."

"I know. And I know he'll be missing you too and loves you just as much, Rachel. Never doubt that."

Her breath hitches and she swallows thickly. "I won't. So... He's really joining the army then I guess, and there's nothing I can say to change his mind. Has he left yet?"

"He's already signed his enlistment papers and taken the oath, and he's preparing to leave for boot camp as we speak."

"Is there any way I can... I mean, when can I talk to him again? Or can I maybe write to him?"

"He told me as soon as he has phone privileges there he will be calling you; he promised he would. But yes, you can write to him, too. I think he would like that. I'll be sure to give you the address as soon as I have it."

"Okay. I hope he knows how much I–"

"He does. I promise you he does. Just... do your best and make him proud, and make YOURSELF proud.

"I will. I won't let him down."

"I know you won't. And Rachel, would it be okay if I came to visit you in a month or so, before summer is over and your classes start? We can have a girls weekend and you can show me the sights. Would that be okay?"

Another round of fresh tears springs to her eyes, this time happier ones. "I would love that, so much."

"Good. Alright then, it's settled. You and I are both going to be the strong, brave women we already are for our boy. We're going to support him from where we both are, and he's coming back to us. And when he does, we're going to plan the best wedding Lima or Manhattan has ever seen. Deal?"

"That sounds like a wonderful plan to me."

"I'm glad. Do you feel better now?"

"A little, yes... Certainly better than I did before I called. Thank you so much Carole, for everything."

"You don't need to thank me; it's just what family does. Now you chin up, and send me some pictures of your new place, I'm excited to see it. You call me anytime you need me, and I'll call you when I know Finn is settled. You take care for now dear, I'll speak to you soon."

. . . . .

After hanging up the phone, she takes a cleansing breath. She dabs her eyes with a tissue and turns to look up at the shadowy figure near the top of the staircase sitting next to a large duffle bag in a miserable heap. She hears his soft sniffles and sees him swipe the heels of his palms over his eyes just once.

"She'll be okay, baby. I'll make sure to keep an eye on her. So will Kurt."

"I know you will."

"You just be sure to call her as soon as you can when you get to Georgia."

"Nothing could keep me from it... but for now, I'm glad it was you. I couldn't hear her voice yet. If I did, I'd probably end up in the stockade for going AWOL running straight to New York. This is so damn hard. I hope I can toughen up and be as brave and strong as you."

"Oh my sweet boy, you already are... You'll see."

"I hope so. That's the plan, anyway."

"Okay, enough chatter now, it's time. Burt's already waiting for us in the car. Let's keep you out of the stockade and get you to the bus depot on time."

He pushes himself off the step and descends with his duffle bag strung over one shoulder. He pauses at the bottom and throws his arms around his mother for a final private goodbye. "Thanks, Mom... y'know, you're the best mom anyone could ever ask for. I love you."

"I love you too, baby."

"And I will be coming back to you – to both of you. Give her a kiss for me when you get to the city, okay?

Carole laughs softly, reluctantly releases her son from her safe embrace and pats his cheek promising him "I will, sweetie – but you can give her one yourself when you come back." She revels in his face splitting smile.

"Damn straight, I will... she won't know what hit her, either."