To everyone following along: thank you for reading. This story has continued to evolve in my heart and its been really special sharing it with you. It was my intention to add more to this chapter, but its been hard for me to move on whilst this section remains unpublished. A moment in time... 3
Chapter 16
The Silent Order
Lily strode through an unfamiliar hallway, the air thick with something she couldn't quite place. Unease pulsed through her as she kept her gaze ahead. She could barely see through the heavy hues, the walls seemed to be moving in rhythm around her, breathing in the light. A faint outline whisked through the darkness, its movements still and effortless.
Lily felt… drawn, magnetized. She couldn't resist the urge tugging hercloser, closer, closer.The outline of the figure slowly came into focus. It was… a woman. She was magnificent, enchanted; carved from the smoky lines of night itself. Raven curls cascaded well below her knees, embracing her shadowy curves. A familiar scent emanated off her, kissing Lily's senses. It was one Lily often found on Severus and, as of late, on herself.
It is I, the one you seek.
Open your eyes, curious one.
What you discover is yours to keep.
Each word felt like the strum of a harp, lulling Lily to sleep. Her feet no longer pacing but… floating. Suspended on a breeze of silent whispers.
Come, brave one, behold; see.
Did you think I would not come when you called for me?
Lily stood paralyzed, her mouth unable to speak words of her own, her lungs void of oxygen. She was drowning.
Who are you?Lily tried to speak through the darkness consuming her.
"Lily," another voice entered her mind, "Lily!" She knew that voice…
Lily jolted awake, gulping for air, her face damp with perspiration. She could still hear the woman's voice dancing in her mind as visions of the present began to blind her. Her head was pounding.
"Lily, take this," Severus pressed a tincture towards her lips, the sensation filling her body with warmth. "You were having a nightmare." Severus brushed his hand along the side of her face, his face pensive. "Are you alright? You were screaming."
"I… I was?" Lily wiped away the sweat on her forehead, "I- I'm sorry for waking you." Lily turned towards Severus. She wasn't sure if it was her own imagination or the reflection of his childhood bedroom, but he looked younger, softened.
Severus gave her a small smirk, continuing to run his fingers along her cheek. "You didn't answer my question. Are you alright? You donated a lot of blood…peculiar dreamsafter such an occurrence are common, but that doesn't lessen my concern."
The pounding against Lily's chest and skull began to slow under Severus' touch. "I'm alright," Lily swallowed, "I'm alright."
Severus seemed to settle under that knowledge, leaning his head on his hand. "What did you dream? If you… do not mind me asking."
"I can't remember," Lily rubbed at her temples. That was the truth. The memory had slipped through her fingers, leaving her with an unsettled feeling in her gut. Like she was being watched.
Severus peered at her for a while. She felt his gaze roving over her features, soaking her in, calculating his words before he spoke. "When I first started down this path, I wasn't sure what to… expect. No one prepares you for what you might find when you go pushing the limits. The… parts of yourself you might lose." Severus looked up at Lily, "The child in me imagined a formal bargain. That a devil of many faces might suddenly appear, offering me an opportunity to sell my soul on a silver platter."
Lily let out a small chuckle at that before gesturing for him to continue. She was enjoying hearing him speak. Each word felt like a glimpse behind that carefully constructed mask he often wore.
"I looked forward to that moment. Begged for it. For the opportunity to rid myself of the weight of it all." Severus released a breath, "But it's different, slower. Each curse… ritual… kill, it takes a small piece of whatever sanctimonious shield we once placed around ourselves. Chipping away the pieces we're willing to give away, to sacrifice. Leaving us to deal with whatever remains."
Lily let his words pull at her own perceptions. She felt as if he was answering a question she didn't know how to ask. She was changing. Who would she be on the other side of this war? The dark magic, Severus … all of it chipping away at a frame she once held herself in. Lily leaned back against the iron of the headboard, its knobs digging into her back, "And you were never afraid of what you might become? Of what you might lose…"
Severus shook his head slowly, as he continued to stare at her. His gaze felt weighted. "I… was too calloused to be afraid. Now? I don't believe I could be become anything I'm not already. I do not fear the knowledge of my own nature. But almost losing you was… a mistake."
Lily sat staring at him for a moment before she smiled. She admired his ability to brave the dark. To look in the mirror and not be afraid of what he might see. She wasn't so sure she shared that trait. "What will happen to me, Severus? What if I become like Voldemort? A depraved vessel of what I used to be?"
Severus joined her against the headboard, his body pressed against hers. "It depends on the parts of us we're willing to sacrifice, Lily. There is nothing inherently evil about dark magic. It doesn't take what isn't willingly given. Though its tug on your soul may... become harder and harder to resist. But you will always have a choice on who you want to be."
"You make this all sound… I don't know. Honorable."
"There is honor to be found in truth, Lily. In what we choose to do with those parts of us that remain."
Lily continued to think on his words, on her dream, on her own decisions as of late. "I think I might have been dreaming about darkness. Is that possible? I don't remember much… but there was a woman's voice, and she sounded interested in me."
"A woman's voice?" Severus sounded interested. "I have yet to meet darkness, Herself. Perhaps she's come to requestyoursoul on a silver platter, hm?" Severus winked at her.
He'd meant it as a joke, but Lily felt too tense to laugh. "I don't know what to feel, Severus. I'm afraid. I'm intrigued. I'm..." Lily released a breath, "tired. So, so tired."
Severus reached onto Lily's lap, grabbing her hand into his. "The ritual we performed tonight required quite a bit of dark magic, more than you've likely ever been exposed to. It wouldn't surprise me if the magic starts to make its presence known." His grip grew tighter, "I wish I could promise you that I can protect you from every dreadful thing in this world. Hold you inside the fortress of my bones forever. But… I can't. And you don't need my protecting."
Severus' tone was softer than she'd ever heard him speak. As if he was speaking from a detached piece of himself. Lily looked around at the quaint, simplistic space around them. She laid on a quilt of wool, a four-drawer dresser and a stool sat in the corner. The walls were bare, save for pencil sketches that hung stark against the coal shades of the paint. Something about the intimacy of this moment and the timelessness of the space comforted her. She leaned into Severus' side, her head nestled in the crook of his neck. "A mublood witch, called to the darkness to avenge her ancestors. How poetic."
"A blossom, born of the swampy waters underneath…"
A water lily.
Lily let out a laugh, "I've had enough poetry for one night. But if I'm to wither and decay into the depths of that lake, I don't want to go alone, Severus. I don't want to do any of this without you."
Severus brought his face closer to her, his breath on her forehead, "And you will never have to."
