At midday, Greida and Farkas returned from their journey to collect the fragment of Wuuthrad. They were covered in scrapes and cuts, no serious injuries at least. Greida, I notice, is a bit shaken, she did say she's never entered a tomb, are the undead of Skyrim stronger than those of Cyrodiil? Was it a tomb of warriors perhaps? When I ask, she brushes it off as nothing. I heal the both of them before I head to the kitchen to help Tilma prepare a feast, seeing as there's celebration to be had with their successful return. I'm unsure what it'll look like for her to become a full Companion, if there's an elaborate ceremony or not, but a feast for certain.

In the evening, after the feast has been served, Kodlak and the other Circle members stand before Grieda, Farkas stepping forward when Kodlak gestures to begin. Tilma and I, as well as the other Companions not of the circle, sit on the benches facing the training yard.

"Brothers and sisters of Jorrvaskr, it is with great honor to welcome a new member, she has shown a fire in her heart, and a strength in her spirit. Farkas, you've seen her skills in combat. Does she fight with valor? Honor?" Kodlak begins, Grieda straightening her stance.

"Aye, she fights as bravely as any great warrior. I will have her back proudly." Farkas responds as he steps forward.

"Will you raise your sword in her aid?"

"That I will, may the blood of our enemies cover our weapons in glory." Farkas places his fist against his chest.

"Would you raise a mug in her name?"

"I will lead the song of triumph in our mead hall, may her name never be forgotten."

"Then this judgment of this Circle is complete. Her heart beats with fury and courage that have united the Companions since the days of the distant green summers. Let it beat with ours, so the mountains may echo and our enemies may tremble at the call." Kodlak finishes, and the rest of the Companions cheer, Farkas patting a grinning Grieda on her shoulder as everyone heads back inside to drink and celebrate for the rest of the night.

The next day, as I'm helping Tilma with some of the cleanup from last night's celebrations, Vilkas approaches me with a scowl. Oh divines, I hope to be spared from his wrath.

"Priestess, the Circle is meeting in the underforge at noon, be there." He turns without another word, but I'm left feeling hopeful, does this mean a cure has been found? Why else would I be invited with the Circle members if not for a cure? I'll know in just a few more hours. Renewed with the energy of there being a possible cure, I'm able to finish the cleaning much sooner, bidding Tilma farewell as I return to my room to pray to the Divines.

"Ah, Lyra, good, now we can start." Kodlak nods at me as I exit the tunnel and into the stone room of the underforge.

"It has come to my attention, that our newest member has been let in on a secret. Don't fret Farkas, from what I've been told you had no choice if you wanted to escape with your life." He gives Farkas a look, who is looking down with shame, despite the reassurance from Kodlak.

"She knows the Circle are of the blood, but not of yours Lyra. It is however, imperative she does not share this secret. Whiterun is not aware of it, not even the Jarl, and it is to remain that way. We will see if perhaps, she has the makings of a future Circle member. She is to be given different jobs, solo most of the time, some will have one of you accompanying her to see her skills firsthand. I understand that it has been tradition that those of the Circle take the blood. I may have abstained in my old age, but there are those of us who still embrace it. When she is ready, Aela, Skjor, you may offer the Beastblood to her."

"No! Why would you allow another to be afflicted with this curse? It is an affront to the Divines!" I burst out, unable to keep myself from interrupting Kodlak.

"Shut your mouth priestess! It is a great honor to be bestowed this gift, keep your preaching to yourself." Skjor snarls as he glares at me hatefully, and I shrink in on myself in fear, looking down.

"Enough. That brings me to my next point, Lyra, seeing as you also share the blood, even if you aren't one of the Circle, it's possible that she may end up knowing of yours as well. I urge caution, even more so than usual, if you wish to keep that secret yours." Kodlak tosses a scolding look at Skjor as he continues.

"Your differences aside, she is our resident healer and you best show her respect Skjor, she has done much in her little time with us. Have you not noticed the increase in healing supplies for jobs? That is thanks to her." Skjor rolls his eyes and lets out a huff as he crosses his arms, not saying anything in response.

"I don't agree that she should end up a member of the Circle. She's been here a week at most, done only a few jobs, and because she knows the Circle's secret she ought to be one of us? I won't argue if that's your decision Harbinger, but that's where I stand on the matter." Vilkas speaks up, a hard look in his eyes.

The meeting lasted a bit longer, mainly discussing the possibilities and what would happen if the secret got out. Divines, I pray that won't ever happen. Would it even though? The Companions are widely known and very respected, would anyone even believe it? A group known as the Silverhand surely does… During the meeting, Farkas was able to explain fully what happened during the job to get the fragment.

He and Grieda were attacked by the Silverhand, devoted in the slaying of werebeasts. If we were not afflicted ourselves, I'd view it an honorable mission of theirs. Yet… they don't seem to be ones with honor, when I asked about the group more, they sound more like bandits than warriors with a cause. They kill and torture any they suspect having the curse, even if it ends up with innocents dead by their blades.

As much as I loathe being afflicted, being tortured by the Silverhand is a horrible way to go, I hope to never encounter them. Or for any of the Companions to, even Skjor, he and Aela may love being with their beasts, but that doesn't mean I wish harm to befall them.

I make my way to the cleaning supply closet, taking down notes of what more is needed. We'll need more cleaning rags, soaps, and wood oils. Satisfied with my list, I head to do the same to the food pantry. I pass Grieda, and nod in acknowledgment to her, but she doesn't notice, too absorbed in her book. My steps falter before I quicken my pace away, my heart racing. Why on Nirn would she be reading that book? Is she hoping to gather proof against the Companions? Oh gods… why is she reading Physicalities of Werewolves?

When I first contracted this curse, I had read it myself. I deeply regretted it as a majority of the contents were horrid experiments on werebeasts, in detail… it also goes on to explain how one may identify a beast in their human form. The eyes change to a subtle silvery yellow color, but only in a sheen so the original color is still visible. The eyes also gain a darkness underneath them, from the nightmares and restless nights. Some gain more body hair, thicker than what's natural for them.

I need to speak with Kodlak. I tuck my list away and hurry downstairs to his quarters. My hands are shaking when I knock, my heartbeat still pounding with worry and fear. I enter before I hear him acknowledge the knocks, quickly sitting in the unoccupied chair.

"I'm so sorry for the intrusion, Sir, but it's urgent. Grieda, I saw her reading a book on how to identify werewolves. I believe she may be looking for ways to bring evidence to citizens about the Circle, and-" Kodlak cuts off my anxious concerns with a raise of his hand, a gentle look on his face.

"Relax my dear, she isn't seeking to tell anyone. She simply wishes to learn about the people she now resides with, she borrowed the book from my personal collection. Most do not believe or are even aware of werebeasts existing, there are stories of course, to keep wayward children from wandering too far from home, but otherwise it is not common knowledge. Of course there are those who study the subject, such as the author of said book, but they are often dismissed by the common folk." Kodlak places a reassuring hand on my arm.

"You are not in danger from her at least, Lyra." I nod hesitantly at his words, I still worry, but I trust him that I'll be safe.

"Thank you, sir," I stand and bow my head, "I'm going to go meditate." I bid him farewell and leave, heading toward the meditation room so I can be near the calming incense. A short time after I settle in the calming atmosphere, Kodlak joins me as well. I'm grateful for the company, and we begin to meditate together in peaceful silence.

Why do you still persist in trying to suppress me? Have you not seen the freedom, the strength if you accept me? Embrace this gift?

"It speaks to me again…" I murmur. I look to Kodlak, sitting on one of the other meditation cushions. It isn't too often we meditate together, with us keeping different schedules.

"As it will, it'll try everything in its power to either join together with you, or to overtake you entirely. It will be a mental battle of wills, rage and violence are great triggers the beast will use against you, it is why so many struggle with keeping their mind intact."

We return to our silent meditative states, his words settling in my mind like stones. This world is a violent and dangerous place, bandit attacks have been getting more frequent on the roads, it does mean more jobs for the Companions, but it also means more in need of healing from the temple. If they can even manage to make it there after the attacks…

If you accept me, I can make us strong enough to protect all those you deem worthy of protecting.

I flinch at the beast's voice in my mind again. I stand and say farewell to Kodlak before I leave the room, wanting to try to get away from the voice, even if I know it'll never leave, no matter how far I go, it'll remain attached to me, an unwanted disease on my soul.

My faith will be my strength, it will be enough to keep others safe, especially from the beast. Why would I ever willingly agree with it? I don't see myself ever embracing the curse, even in difficult circumstances… I don't believe I would if it meant life or death, even if that will mean I have to spend my afterlife in Oblivion.

"Where is he?! Where is my son?!" An old woman shouts from behind me. I turn, and see her glaring with tears in her eyes at an old couple, the man wearing intricate robes.

"What are you going on about now you old hag? I'm sure he's just drunk in an alley somewhere." He gives a mean smirk, his companion crossing her arms and returning the glare at the other woman.

"Lies! I know my Thorald, he left to join Ulfric, but he hasn't written yet, and I know you Battleborns had something to do with it!" She cries as a man rushes to her side, a familial resemblance between them.

"So your fool of a son turned traitor? Why am I not surprised."

"You shut your mouth you bastard! My brother is not a traitor! He's a true Nord, unlike you Battleborns, a clan of cowards and bootlickers!" The man comforting the old woman shouts, before leading his mother away.

"Can you believe them? Questioning us as if we had anything to do with her traitorous son." He laughs and walks off, his arm linked with, who I assume to be his wife.

I approach the shopkeeper I spoke with before, smiling in greeting.

"Hello again, would you mind telling me what that argument was about?"

"I had heard their feud was bad, but I never imagined that. The woman making the accusations is Fralia Graymane, a month or so ago, the two clans, the Battleborns and the Graymanes, had a falling out. The Battleborns are loyal to the Empire, staunchly so. The Graymanes used to be devout Talos worshippers, one of the many Nordic families hit hard from the peace treaty with the Thalmor."

"I hadn't heard about Thorald leaving the city though, why Fralia thinks the Battleborns have anything to do with it is anyone's guess. Tell you the truth," she leans in closer to quietly say, "I'm a little relieved he's left." I give her a questioning look as she leans back.

"After my husband died a few years back, a lot of the men in Whiterun bother me now that I'm technically available. I don't plan on remarrying, especially since I'm all my little Mila has. Of course, I don't wish any harm on Thorald, but he was one of the more bold ones to try and court me. Walking me from my home to the market nearly everyday, always trying to find ways he can touch me." She frowns and shakes her head.

"Anyways, enough gossip, anything you need today?"

I've been feeling on edge, whether it is from the curse or the talk of a potential civil war brewing, I'm unsure. I still haven't had any restful nights, even with the sleeping draught from the alchemist. Prayer, as much as I hate to admit, hasn't helped the unease I've been feeling. I feel like Greida has been giving me odd looks as well, but I'm certain it's just the fear and paranoia of her letting the secret out. Farkas has even told me he didn't mention my curse at all when she found out about it, it was reassuring at least.

It does almost feel hopeless… there isn't a cure, the only ways to not lose control are to either embrace the curse, or to try and suppress it by sheer will, either way, most will be overtaken by the beast unless they're stronger. I am not a warrior like Aela and Skjor, I do not have years of wisdom like Kodlak… maybe… maybe I need to talk to Farkas and Vilkas? They're nearer to my age, and they're trying to hold back the curse as well. Would they even talk with me though? I know Vilkas doesn't like my faith, even if he doesn't worship Hircine like the other two. Farkas, maybe he would be the one I need to speak to?

I decide to at least give it a chance, and start looking around Jorvaskr for Farkas, he shouldn't be out on a job at the moment. I open the doors to the training yard for a quick glance around, and thankfully I spot Farkas hacking away at one of the training dummies like it personally insulted him. We'll have to make some more again soon, with how ferociously the Companions train.

"Good to see you Farkas, may I have a word?" He gives a last powerful swing to the dummy before turning to me, wiping sweat from his brow.

"Sure thing, what'd you need?" He sheaths his great sword and leans against the wall. I look around, assuring the training yard is still empty.

"It's about… the curse… how do you control it so well? My meditation sessions with Kodlak have been only helping a bit, and not as much as I'd like them to, even with prayer."

"Those meditation sessions didn't help me much either, I respect Kodlak, but I believe that arm wrestling the curse works much better. Not actually, but you know, right? Just fight it like a battle. It's why I go so hard with training, besides it keeping me strong, letting out that pent up frustration is great. The longer you have the curse, the more the anger builds, like a mug overflowing."

"I'm no warrior, how would I do that?" I begin to fiddle with my robes in worry that this will be another hopeless dead end.

"Never too late to learn how to defend yourself you know. Start small, either your fists or a dagger. Our new shield-sister is a good brawler, prefers that over weapons. Probably from watching drunks in the tavern she's from, I always love to see a good fight." He chuckles.

"So I can start right away?" Perhaps it would actually do me some good to learn, after all I don't know how to fight at all, the only spells I know deal with healing, or lighting a candle.

"Yeah probably, if you wanted to get your ass handed to you, no offense. Should exercise, build up some muscle, otherwise you'll feel like you're fighting against stone. Good thing you know how to heal, eh?" He pats my shoulder before leaving.

I suppose I should try to do that… priestly duties don't require much to work on strength, the housework helps a little, but I imagine it's nothing to someone who trains nearly daily, if not every day. It does worry me that this may not even help. Hopefully Grieda will be free to assist me, Divines know I need all that I can get.

I head back inside and down the steps to the recruits room. Grieda is there, but she's still reading through that book… I try to hide my discomfort, hoping my hands fiddling with my robes will be taken as nervousness over asking for training than the book.

"Congratulations on being officially welcomed into the Companions, I'm sure you feel honored."

"Oh for sure, you know I never thought I'd make it out of that tavern back in the village. Yet here I am! A proper member with heroes, wonder if I'll have songs about me?" She sets the book aside, a prideful gleam in her eyes.

"I was hoping if I may ask you something?" She nods and waits for me to continue, a curious look on her face.

"Farkas said I could learn how to do hand to hand combat with you, if you'd be willing to teach me," I grip onto my robes tighter, worry at the possibility she'll reject the idea altogether.

"Are you sure you want to learn from me? I mean, I only just joined… wait, Farkas told you to come to me?" A bashful blush colors her cheeks.

"He said you were a good brawler, that you prefer to use your hands. I'm not skilled in any weapons, but I do have my fists, so I thought I'd learn that before I learn how to wield a dagger… if you wanted to teach me."

"It means a lot that he thinks I can teach that, but I really have a lot to learn myself. I mainly learned from dealing with drunks who refused to leave or got too handsy, you know? I can try though, I got nothing going on today, wanna go now?"

I ease myself into my bed, wincing at all the different muscle aches in my body. Divines, maybe I tried too hard too soon, why must it ache this much. I nuzzle into my bedding, sighing in exhaustion, in the morning I'll apply a muscle salve to ease the discomfort, for now I'm too tired. I am grateful to have Grieda helping me, I do wish she had gone a little easier on me… unless that was her going easy.

It was difficult helping Tilma with the evening chores and meal, with such aching muscles and bruises. I hope it'll get easier soon, I dread the stiff aches in the morning. A knock at the door startles me and I sigh in exhaustion. I will myself to get out of my bed, despite the aches begging for rest. It must be something urgent to knock so late, is someone injured? I open the door, and Grieda strides in without a word, curious, I close the door behind her.

"Are you alright? Do you need healing? Or if it's religious counsel, could it wait until morning? Our training wiped me out more than I expected it to." I straighten out my nightclothes, making sure I'm decent for company. She doesn't say anything for a few moments, taking in a few deep breaths before she turns to me.

"You're one of them aren't you?"

I freeze and stay silent, praying to all the Divines she isn't going to ask what I fear she will.

"After I found out about Farkas, Kodlak told me the rest of the Circle are too… but you? How many damned werewolves are in this guild?" She continues before I can say a word.

"I got a book from Kodlak, it tells how you can know someone is cursed. After our training today, I knew. You have the same eyes. I thought it was a trick of the light at first, but I kept going over and over what the book says and what I kept seeing today."

"Y-you're mistaken, it must've been the sunlight, or maybe you had gotten sweat into your eyes," I try to attempt to dissuade her from continuing, but she shakes her head and clenches her fists in frustration.

"I'm not! I'm not as dumb as a troll you know. I thought through it. Why aren't you one of the Circle then? Is that how you got it? Do they give it to just anyone who asks?"

Panicked tears fill my eyes as I stutter, before I rush out of the room, even though my body winces at the overuse, I keep my hurried pace as I burst into the meadhall. I ignore the few Companions still drinking late into the evening and escape out the front doors. I need to get away. It's too dangerous to discuss my curse, even if she's discovered it. I speed down the steps and go to the temple, quietly slipping inside so I can pray.

I kneel before the empty shrine, everyone already at rest in rooms, no one to disturb me as I begin frantically praying. I pray for the curse to be lifted, even though I've tried to countless times already. I pray that Grieda will not alert people to the curse. I pray that an angry mob of citizens and guards do not barge in to execute me. I pray to just go back to that snow laden night that I don't follow that poor man who gave me this cursed existence. Throughout my praying, tears are streaming down my cheeks as I clench my hands together tightly.

"Sister? Did you have a rough night?" I jolt awake at the concerned voice, wincing in pain at the aches in my muscles from the training, as well as sleeping on the tiled floor in front of the shrine.

"Yes, I'm sorry… I didn't want to bother anyone, I just needed to pray. I must've fallen asleep."

"Did someone harm you?" Danica kneels beside me, pressing a hand to my cheek as I flinch away from the tender bruise there.

"No, I'm fine. I was learning how to defend myself, and was too worn out to heal my bruises… do you have some of the muscle balm I donated still? I'll make some more once my body doesn't ache with every slight movement." She gives a silent nod and stands to retrieve some.

She returns with the balm, as well as a change of robes, a look of worry still on her face as she hands them to me. I thank her as I lift myself, with her aid, and head to the bathing room to apply the soothing mixture and to change out of my nightclothes. I thank the Divines that Danica doesn't ask me much, only helping to apply the balm on the parts I cannot reach, as well as healing any bruises she sees. I feel like I've been in a great battle, but shame that it was only a session of training and fleeing from Jorrvaskr. Gods I'm pathetic…

"I'd like to help with the temple more, I've become terribly homesick for the temple back home… I want to be closer to the Divines." I finish pulling on the robes she gave, happy that some of the aches have been soothed.

"Of course, I'm glad for any assistance. There's not been many pilgrims these days however, ever since the Gildergreen was struck in that lightening storm last autumn. If you want, you can attempt with your magick to heal it, doesn't hurt to try." Danica leads me back to the main room, grabbing a broom to tidy up around the shrine. I nod and make my way out of the temple, glancing around to make sure there aren't any Companions, especially Grieda, first.

I near the pale tree, barren of any blooms, a large branching scorch mark starting from the center of the tree's canopy, leading down one side. I focus on that area and my hands light with golden magick, pressing it to the burn. I concentrate all that I can, but nothing changes. I persist anyways, closing my eyes to focus all my healing into the bark.

I try for hours, but still nothing. Perhaps it is a lost cause? I frown, seeing myself in the tree. My soul was also afflicted with an incurable wound, not even the Divines can save it… my eyes start to water, but I force the tears away and return to the temple to help with priestly duties. There isn't much else I can do, I'm unsure if I can go back to Jorvaskr while Grieda is there, perhaps when she goes out on jobs I can be there again for a short time… otherwise, the Temple of Kynareth shall be my sanctuary. Maybe even a sanctuary away from the truth, until the next full moon, unless I'm able to win the battle of wills and suppress the change, Kodlak and the twins are able to do so. I don't know how long I'll be able to maintain the battle… I'm so weak.

You are priestess, but I can help you. You won't need to flee in fear, accept me.

I shake my head, trying to rid the voice of the beast as I light some more incense for the temple so I can assist in the daily rites of Kynareth. I won't allow the beast to consume me. Danica and Acolyte Jenssen begin as I follow, I'm not as familiar with Kynareth, but I know the basics, however I do observe closely so I may improve.

I watch as Grieda heads down the steps toward the market, she's wearing traveling gear, so she should be leaving for a job. I've been staying in the temple for a couple days already, I need to go and speak with Kodlak… let him know why I must hide away. I pray that he isn't too harsh on me for stepping away, but it is for my safety, the more proof she has that I have the curse, the more likely townspeople will call for my blood with the headsman's axe.

Waiting a few minutes to reassure myself that she isn't going to turn around, I make my way back to Jorvaskr, shame and anxiety filling me with each step. Will I be cast out permanently? Or worse, would I be killed for not upholding my end of the bargain when I came seeking refuge from the curse, for not residing at Jorvaskr until I had control or a cure to the beast… Divines, please give me strength.

The hall isn't vacant as I had hoped, Vilkas and Njada are arm wrestling, and Farkas is drinking with a few people I don't recognize… new recruits? I know the Companions have many empty beds, from rejected members for being too cruel. They likely ended up as bandits or worse… I hope whoever the new people are won't turn out like that.

I head downstairs, hoping to avoid anyone before I can speak with Kodlak. I knock on his door, praying that he is there. Thankfully, he answers, and I enter hesitantly.

"Ah, I was wondering where you went. You're alright?" He sets his ledger aside and leans back in his chair when he sees me, an unreadable look in his eyes.

"Grieda… she knows about me. I had to leave, I can't answer her questions. I'm going to be staying at the temple. It's not too far, so when the moons are full I'll still be near enough to get to the underforge with Skjor and Aela… please forgive me for disappearing." I stare at the floor in shame and worry, unable to hold his gaze for long.

"She's told me, yes. I won't speak on the matter with her, seeing as it is not mine to tell, but I have assured her that you are not dangerous so long as you reside with the Companions until you have control over it."

Kodlak and I discuss things for a while longer, before I leave to gather a few of my things to take to the temple. It's uncertain how long I'll be there, maybe when the situation with Grieda settles… or if, gods forbid, she's invited into the Circle like they talked about. I pray that won't happen, it's never good to make more monsters in this world. They wouldn't really do that, would they? She's too new to the guild, the other members have been around for far longer, it wouldn't make sense to make the newest member part of the Circle.