A/N: Hi! Happy Monday! I know last chapter ended on another cliffhanger, but I hope this one is more than enough to make up for it :) Enjoy!


Hailey was met with the sounds of monitors beeping the second she pushed open Jay's hospital room door. She shakily breathed in and stepped inside.

There, in the middle of the room, sat his hospital bed with him lying atop it. With each step she took toward him, tears formed in her eyes. His left arm was up in a sling and heavily bandaged. Several cuts covered his face with an oxygen tube to top it off. From where she was standing, she couldn't see what damage the blanket and his gown were hiding, but she expected there to be more. It led those tears to finally fall down her cheeks.

He was sleeping and likely completely unaware that she was even there. She wasn't even sure if he was aware of where he was.

But still, she whispered, "Hi, Jay."

Sniffling, she walked around the bed to pull a chair closer to his right side where there were still several cuts and stitches, but not nearly as many as on his left. She moved to grab his hand before she noticed an IV. Biting her lip, she hesitantly slipped her hand under his and gently squeezed his fingers.

It caused a sob to bubble up in her throat.

For months, all she'd wanted was to hold Jay again. All along, she knew she wanted a hug from him, but just a simple handhold would have been more than enough. Now, she had that. She had his hand in hers, and she could see his face and hear him breathe. They weren't home like she'd been wanting, but they were together and it was more than enough.

She worked hard to keep her tears inside, but there was only so much she could do. For longer than she cared to admit, she sat at his bedside quietly crying while holding the tips of his fingers. Through those tears, she tried examining him as best she could.

His face seemed swollen, and he had shaved like she'd been wondering the week before. His hair was longer than it'd been when she left, and the way it curled slightly against his forehead made her want to reach out and brush it back. Glancing over his arms, she couldn't decide if her eyes were playing tricks on her or if they had gotten bigger as well. Either way, she couldn't wait until he could wrap them around her.

Until that could happen, though, she was the one who was going to do the comforting. She needed to be strong enough for the two of them to get through this. She didn't know how long that was going to be, but she needed to prepare herself for longer than necessary. She was not going to let him take on the weight of her pain while dealing with his own. That wouldn't be fair and wouldn't exactly be the partnership she signed up for.

Lifting his hand to her lips, she lightly pressed her lips to the side of his wrist and whispered, "I love you."

A few of her tears dropped on his skin. She sniffled and wiped it away with her thumb before taking a deep breath. Resting his hand to her cheek, she closed her eyes and hummed softly.

Years before, after Jay's last surgery, Will had been the one who sat with him for the majority of the time before he woke up. There was half an hour, though, when Will came out to ask her if she'd wait with him while he ran to take a shower and change. She'd agreed without hesitation and made her way back to the post-op room.

While sitting next to him, she'd been too worried about hurting him or even startling him that she hadn't held his hand. She'd wanted to, but didn't want to cross a line, so she remained seated in the chair Will had dragged over. She remembered thinking he looked peaceful as he slept. He wasn't in any pain anymore, and it was nice to see. He deserved peace.

Now, she was still worried about hurting him, but her boundaries had pretty much disappeared. They were married; she didn't give two cares about startling him or anyone seeing her comforting him in his sleep. As she relaxed at his side, she slowly trailed her fingers over the skin of his arm that she could see. She avoided any small bandages as she drew absentminded swirls with her pointer finger.

Soon enough, she'd reached the neck of his gown. She only hesitated for a moment before scooting forward and brushing the backs of her fingers to his jaw.

"Oh, Jay," she whispered, "What happened to you?"

His swollen face was littered with angry-looking cuts that she carefully avoided touching. She wondered what exactly had caused them – the shrapnel or the glass – and then she realized she didn't care too much. The cuts would heal; it was his heart and soul and mind that she was more worried about.

She lightly traced his lips and smiled to herself. They were chapped under her touch, which she knew he had to have hated. He washed his face, but he didn't nearly use as much lotion or moisturizer as she did – instead, he loved his chapstick. She'd found it funny when they first started dating and staying the night at each other's apartments because he always made sure to put some on before going to sleep. He'd asked her on his third night at her place if she had any he could use. She remembered laughing and teasing him about hinting that she needed to use it, but he'd just smiled and said it was for himself.

If she had her bathroom bag with her, she would have put some on his lips for him. Instead, she tilted her head to the side and stared at him. She would have given anything to see his eyes, but she knew they were closed for the best. He needed his rest; she was sure he'd been working himself to the bone, especially given their last conversation.

Shaking that memory from her head, she cleared her throat and reached up to trace her finger over his right eyebrow for the left one had a bandage right next to it. She might not have cared if he woke up while she was touching him, but she really didn't feel like causing him any pain.

She then stood slightly to slowly brush her hand over his hair. She kept her hand far enough away from his head that she wasn't even sure he could have felt her had he been awake, but it was nice to still feel him underneath her touch.

Before she could sit down again, she shakily breathed in and leaned forward until she could kiss him. He couldn't do anything back, and she really was just touching her lips to his, but she didn't care in the least.

They were in the same country and back at each other's side. They were together. Finally.

They were home.

Straightening up, she whispered again, "I love you. I love you so much."

Another tear dropped on his cheek, and she sniffled as she wiped it off with her thumb.

"Sorry," she mumbled while sitting down, "I'm…I'm a bit of a mess today. We owe Platt a bottle of wine – actually, we probably owe her a whole ass winery. She saved me today. I think I'd still be in the bathroom back at the apartment had it not been for her."

She wiped her fingers over her face and took a deep breath. Taking Jay's hand in hers again, she closed her eyes while pressing her lips to his pinky.

"I love you," she mumbled, "I love you so much, and I can't wait to hear your voice. Tell me you're okay, please. Please, Jay."

Nothing happened.

She didn't necessarily think something would, but she'd hoped more than anything that there'd be some sign he could hear her. Sniffling, she kissed his hand again then opened her eyes. As she watched him sleep, she felt a few more tears fall down her cheeks.

He might have appeared broken right now, but he was at least here. He was hers again.

And she wasn't going to let him out of her sight again.


She'd been alone for about half an hour before two doctors, a nurse, and a representative from Jay's unit entered the room to talk to her about everything that had happened. As they first began to talk, she worked hard to hold her tears back, she wanted to appear strong and steady in front of them, but then the nurse pulled another chair closer to her and offered her a tissue and she lost it. Tears fell freely down her face while she listened to the details of not just the surgery but the task Jay had been doing when he'd gotten hurt.

It didn't surprise her that he'd gone off schedule to go back and save three kids he'd seen at one of the houses belonging to his current target. Unfortunately, it'd seemed that it was expected for him and his partner to go back as they'd then driven over a poorly constructed pipe bomb about a quarter mile away from the house.

Their car had flipped and rolled all while catching fire. Jay's left shoulder had gotten sprained in the process, which affected his previous injury from three years prior when he'd gotten shot. On top of that, he'd gotten a range of second-degree burns and several pieces of metal and glass lodged in him that all caused Hailey to wince and close her eyes upon hearing. His partner was in a similar situation in a room down the hall.

Jay's recovery wasn't going to be easy, but he was also looking at being able to return to Chicago in at least a week if all went well. She confirmed that he had a doctor there and access to a physical therapist that she promised to take him to no matter what he said. She could already hear him arguing with her, and them, about going to more appointments than he wanted. It's what he'd done when she and Will had taken him to his last physical therapy appointments years before. This time, though, they were married, and yet she wasn't quite sure whether that would help or hinder any of her arguments.

Before they could leave, the doctors said they'd be stopping by in the coming days to check on Jay's recovery, especially when he woke up. She made sure to write their names and numbers down on a pad of paper in case she were to need anything. She wanted to be on top of all his appointments to ensure that he would heal. When she thought back to the last time he'd been medically discharged from the army, she couldn't remember him ever saying someone helped him out. She was going to do everything she could to made sure that this time was much, much different.

As the commander left, he let her know that he'd be seeing her as well in the coming days since he wanted to talk to Jay, personally dismiss him from his squad, and thank him for his service. She couldn't help but feel like the conversation was going to be a final and permanent end to Jay's army career. She wasn't quite sure how Jay was going to respond to that. She didn't even know how she felt about it.

The nurse, Brianna, stood upon the commander walking out of the room and faced Hailey with a small smile on her face. "How're you holding up?" she asked softly.

Hailey scoffed slightly and scooted back to Jay's side. Picking up his hand again, she whispered, "I don't know. That was…a lot."

Brianna nodded and gently squeezed her shoulder on her way around the bed. Looking at the monitors, she said, "It was, but there's something about you that tells me you're strong. I don't doubt that you're ready for what's ahead."

With wide eyes, Hailey looked up and whispered, "What?"

Brianna glanced back at her and nodded again. "You seem determined. Crying wasn't a sign of weakness. You were acknowledging what had happened and accepting it. Not once did I feel like you were ignoring the truth of the situation. You asked good questions and listened to what you were being told. I respect that."

Hailey wiped the damp tissue under her eyes one last time and said, "Uh, thank you, thanks."

Brianna smiled and moved opposite of her. As she quietly wrote down all of her needed information, Hailey couldn't look away from her. She watched the young nurse work and found that she was very diligent. She knew Will would like her. Personally, she liked that the girl worked quickly and efficiently; she hoped that she would be there when Jay woke up. She had a feeling he'd like her as well.

As Brianna finished updating her chart, she returned to the entrance of the room and said, "I picked up something for you."

"Yeah?" Hailey asked softly.

Brianna hummed in agreement and walked back over with a plastic bag. "Just a few of the things he was found with and his wallet and phone that were brought in as well. You can open it if you'd like or you can just give it to him. I will not judge you either way."

"Thank you," Hailey breathed while shakily accepting the bag. She was afraid to look inside right now, but still held it tightly to her middle.

Brianna pointed to a white board on the wall opposite them and said, "That should be everything you need to know, but you can use the call button if you need anything. I'll be at the nurses' station as well. If I'm not available for whatever reason, someone else should be able to help you. We're here for you both."

Hailey nodded and swallowed a lump in her throat, the items in her lap having taken away her ability to speak.

Brianna shot her an encouraging smile, gently said, "See you later," then left the room, closing the door behind her.

The clear bag felt like ice in her hands. In part, she knew what to expect upon looking inside, but she didn't think she wanted to acknowledge any of it. Brianna might have said she'd handled the conversation about the accident well, but that didn't mean she was satisfied with any of it. Looking at all of Jay's belongings felt like the final straw in all of this. They'd been taken from him so that he could be properly treated. It left a strange feeling in her gut.

She squeezed Jay's fingers one last time before slowly looking down at the bag. She shakily opened it and reached inside to pull out everything that was inside. His wallet and phone were in tact having not been on him when he'd gotten hurt. His watch with a cracked face. His dog tags that she slipped over her own head. And his wedding ring.

She felt her bottom lip waver at the small piece of silicone in her hand. They'd bought the rubber rings so it wouldn't get caught on anything at work or cause any possible injuries. She'd never considered that it'd outlive a bomb.

His ring was so much bigger than her own. When she placed it on her own ring finger, it fell off nearly instantly. It made her smile at the memory of him putting it on her once to gently tease her over having small hands.

It'd been when they were happy.

Sniffling, she stood to place his wallet, phone, and broken watch on the side table. Gripping his dog tags around her neck in one hand, she walked around the bed to stare at his left hand. It was supported within the sling that was ensuring his shoulder didn't move, much like he'd had years before. She frowned and let her eyes wander over his arm. There were pieces of gauze covering the burns the doctors had told her about and a few cuts being held together with small butterfly bandages, but his hand seemed fine.

She knew the doctors had probably removed his ring prior to any surgery as a safety and cleanliness precaution, and yet he wasn't in surgery now. He wasn't going to be returning to the OR any time soon, so she gently grabbed his hand. Slowly, she slipped his ring back on his finger like she'd done over a year before. Just like that first time, she needed to use both hands to get the rubber to roll over his skin. She bit her lip in fear that he'd wake up at the movement, but his face didn't even twitch.

The second the ring was back on his finger where it belonged, a weight seemed to be lifted from her shoulders. It was a physical reminder that they were married. Anyone who came to talk to them in the coming week would be able to see the black ring on his hand and know that he had a partner, a wife, that was there for him. He wasn't alone, and everyone needed to know that.

She needed to know that.

They had their matching, black rings on once again. It was one piece of their puzzle that had been returned to its rightful place.

She didn't want him to ever go without it again.


Despite the cup of coffee she'd barely sipped that Brianna brought her just an hour after leaving the room, Hailey still found herself falling asleep next to Jay as it neared 8pm.

She had no desire to sleep, but exhaustion seemed to catch up with her as her eyelids drooped and her head had a hard time staying upright. She curled herself up on her recliner for a while, a half-eaten granola bar in her hand, and stared at Jay still sleeping next to her.

He hadn't moved an inch. She didn't count when a couple nurses came in to change some of the bandages on his side from the burns. They assured her that he was doing well and that resting was good for him, but she still wanted to see a sign of life. Listening to the monitors connected to his heart and body weren't good enough.

Her legs began cramping up from where she was positioned, so she carefully sat up and stretched her legs out.

"Oh," she groaned, squeezing her eyes shut. Shaking the pain from her mind, she slowly stood up and gripped Jay's bed to steady herself. "Guess it's been a while since I walked, huh?" she murmured.

Jay didn't answer.

Hailey sighed and stepped back from the bed to stretch her arms out. Yawning as she bent down to touch her toes, she blinked against the sleep in her eyes before straightening up again.

She walked over to the window and took a deep breath. "I wish you could see this," she said softly, "We're not that far from DC. We always talked about coming here together someday. Just wish it was under different circumstances."

Turning back toward Jay, she leaned against the wall and crossed her arms. "I wish a lot of this was under different circumstances," she admitted, "I wanted you to come home, but I did not want this to be the reason why. I was kind of picturing more of an airport reunion."

Jay didn't laugh or smile at that either.

"You look good," she continued softly, "I mean, you…okay, so you look like a mess, but you look strong despite all that. Handsome as ever. Still the right amount of sexy and adorable." She smiled slightly and wished he could hear her. He never took compliments well, which made her think he was even cuter. It wasn't that she was cocky or selfish and accepted every compliment without hesitation, but she always thanked him and, even more, believed him when he told her she was beautiful or gorgeous. He, on the other hand, usually tried to divert the compliments and make her laugh instead, but he'd still blush and smile at her words. She liked the way his cheeks went red and how his eyes softened when she said something positive about him even if he quickly disagreed or tried distracting her.

"Can I tell you something?" she asked, walking back to his side, "I'm scared they're going to make me leave." She sat back in her chair and pushed herself as close as she could to his bed. "I've gone five months without you; I'm not going to let them force me out. If I leave, that's pretty much a guarantee you'll wake up – like a curse. You can wake up, but I need to be here when it happens, okay? So, I'm sorry that you might wake up and I'll have morning breath or bed head; I'm not going anywhere. Not until I know you're okay."

Absentmindedly, she smoothed out his bed sheets then set her hands on his right thigh where she knew there weren't any burns or major cuts. "You will get through this, though, you will. I believe that. And, if you're scared of what's happening, go for it. I know I just said I'm scared of them making me leave, but of you and what we're about to go through? No, I'm not going to be scared. I'm putting any fears away and I'm focusing on you. You can be scared because I'm not going to be. I'm going to be the strong one, okay? I will hold us both up. I will hold your hand every day as you figure out walking and getting dressed and-and anything else, okay? We will figure out Chicago and that life when we get there. For the next week, as we're here, we focus on you and you getting stronger. That's our goal."

She gently squeezed his thigh as she yawned again. Shaking her head and blinking slowly, she leaned forward to rest her head on the mattress next to his leg and relaxed as best she could. "I'll be strong, I promise," she whispered, "You can be scared. It's okay."

Her eyes felt heavy again as they fell close. She may have continued quietly rambling about fears and goals and Jay, but it all seemed to fade away with each breath she took.

Falling asleep here, with her head on Jay's bed right next to him, that felt acceptable. She wasn't going anywhere. She would stay here as long as it took for him to open his eyes.


"I'm proud of you, kid, I'm really proud of you."

Hailey smiled at her uncle and nodded. "Thank you for coming," she said before hugging him tightly.

He squeezed her tightly then pulled back to hold her shoulders. "You're a good person who will do amazing things in this world. You chased your dreams, and you're out here achieving them."

Her smile widened at his words. "I couldn't have done any of it without you," she said.

"I think you could have," Uncle DJ responded with a wink.

She laughed and shrugged, dressed in her dress blues for her police academy graduation. "Maybe."

He laughed with her then hugged her to his side. "So, where are we going?" he asked, "And where's that boy of yours? I thought he'd be here to join us for at least a beer."

"Oh, he's around here somewhere," she said as she glanced around the crowd of people all hugging and celebrating the start of their careers.

But she couldn't see him. She couldn't find Jay.

Uncle DJ continued leading her to his silver car, talking about all the options they had for lunch without a care in the world. He was as animated as ever as he transitioned into discussing what her first pay check was going to look like and how he recommended she save it.

She should have listened to his advice, but she was distracted by Jay. He'd said he'd be here. She knew he was there. He always kept his promises.

Did he promise though? Maybe he'd said he was going to be there after the ceremony. Maybe he'd had to extend his leave.

"I'm treating you to a whiskey tonight, Hailey," Uncle DJ continued as they approached the parking lot, "We're having a good glass in honor of your accomplishments. Did I tell you I'm proud of you?"

She tried shooting him a smile and nodded. "You did."

He squeezed her again and said, "It deserves to be repeated."

She hummed and continued scanning the crowd. On one hand, she felt bad for almost blowing off her uncle, but on the other she was starting to get worried. Jay had made a commitment.

"Hey, there he is!"

She turned quickly at her uncle's words, but saw nothing. Jay wasn't standing in front of them or even near him.

"Where?" she asked, "Where's he at?"

"I'm right here."

She stopped walking with her uncle and started slowly turning around. "Jay?"

"Hailey, I'm right here."

"He's here, Hailey, he's with me."

She spun quickly only to find no one this time. Her uncle was gone, and Jay still wasn't there. She was alone.

"Uncle DJ? Jay?"

"Hailey, what's going on?" Jay's voice asked.

She shook her head and stuttered, "I-I don't see you."

"We're right here, kiddo," Uncle DJ said.

But they weren't. They weren't there. They were gone.

She felt someone touch her hand, and she shot backwards. No one was there. No one could touch her because no one was there.

"Hailey."

"Hail, you're kind of scaring me."

They were both gone. Jay had joined Uncle DJ. They were both gone.


Hailey woke with a start and pushed back from the bed.

Her heart was racing in her chest, and her hands felt like they were frozen cold. She couldn't stop shaking, and it was hard to catch her breath.

It'd been a dream.

The monitors still softly beeping in the room proved that. Jay was alive. He was there on the bed sleeping just like she'd been.

He may have been hurt, but he was alive.

Hailey blinked through the darkness and focused on Jay's still body on the bed. At the sight of him peacefully sleeping, tears sprang to her eyes.

She needed the nightmares to end. She needed to be able to sleep through the night and feel some sort of peace upon waking up. She needed Jay to be okay.

Scooting closer in the recliner to him, she gently picked up his hand and took a deep breath. His skin was cool, but it was not cold by any means. He was clearly alive.

"Sorry," she whispered, "I…I don't know why that keeps happening to me. I stupidly thought that being back with you would stop them. Maybe when you wake up they'll stop, so, um, I'm going to be selfish and ask that you do that. Can you wake up, please? It's been a while."

She glanced at her phone and sighed. 10:03pm. Over ten hours since she got the phone call announcing he was back in the country. It meant it had to have been well over twenty-four hours since he'd gotten hurt.

"Open your eyes," she softly begged while setting her phone down, "Please, Jay, please. I miss you. I want to see you. I want you to see me. Please."

He didn't move at all; his eyelids didn't even flutter.

"Jay," she said, her throat starting to close up with tears, "I am your wife and I am asking you to open your eyes. I need you. I need to know you're okay. I can handle it, Jay, I can. Wake up, please. Wake up, Jay."

She started crying there next to the bed, his hand still held between her own. It wasn't fair; none of this was fair. All she wanted when Jay came home was to be able to catch up with him and clear the air that'd been tense since he left. They couldn't do that if he was asleep in a hospital bed.

She continued quietly crying as she blearily watched him sleep. His body became hazy through her tears, and she lost sight of where his gown ended and his blankets began. The tears stung her already swollen eyes and burned her skin on their way to the bed sheets below. She wanted to be strong, she did, but it was a lot harder than she'd expected it to be.

And what made it worse was that it'd barely begun.

Again, she lowered her head to the mattress, but instead of falling asleep, she simply continued crying.

Jay wasn't even awake yet, and she already felt like she was going to be crumbling under all the pressure. This was hard, and she hadn't even needed to do anything yet. All she'd done was sit and watch him sleep. Sure, she'd listened to everyone update her on his progress and what had happened and then watched the nurses change all his bandages, but she didn't feel like she'd had a huge part in the recovery yet.

It was going to happen soon enough, and if she was crying this much already, maybe she wasn't ready for it. Maybe she'd be better off with Jay staying asleep. Then she wouldn't have to do any of the hard stuff she was scared to do.

She didn't want to think about missing any of his medication. Or accidentally pulling his stitches while helping him shower. Or forgetting to remind him to get up and walk every hour. Or leaving out her pajamas and causing him to trip in their bedroom.

She didn't want to mess anything up.

On top of still having her own job.

Right now, she could barely remember what the case had been that they'd been working on in the bullpen. How was she going to balance Jay's recovery with the constant calls and paperwork she was overwhelmed with at work? It seemed impossible.

Not to mention Jay's mental and emotional recovery as well. It was not going to be easy. She didn't know if he'd gotten what he'd wanted when he first left for Bolivia five months before. He'd said he'd needed black and white and a clear distinction between right and wrong, but based on his outburst about kids the other day, she had a strange feeling he recently tripped up on his path toward being better. If he didn't reach his goal and was now permanently discharged from the military, she truly had no idea what his next step was going to be. He'd seemed to meet a dead-end.

She cried now, not at all she'd lost, but all that Jay had. He'd been wanting answers and a solution to a problem he found himself in, and she didn't think he found them. It was painful to think of him not reaching a goal he so desperately wanted. He was going to feel guilty, and she was going to have to figure out how to support him through that.

Her back ached with the physical position she'd placed herself in and underneath the weight of the reality of the situation. Breathing in shakily against the blankets, she tried fighting against her tears to calm down. She needed to buck up and carry it all. She could handle what the world threw at her; she'd done it before. It was not going to be easy and may have seemed impossible, but she could persevere. She was Hailey Upton. Jay had chosen her as his wife; he'd believed in her when she couldn't believe in herself. Now it was her turn to believe in him.

She was about to sit up when she felt a hand on the top of her head. Her blood ran cold for a moment as she wondered who possibly could be there in the room with her and Jay, but then she remembered Brianna introducing her to a night nurse, Derek, right before she'd fallen asleep and figured he'd come in to check on the two of them.

The thought of him seeing her lose her mind while laying across her husband's hospital bed was slightly embarrassing, so she took one last deep breath then sat up.

But Derek wasn't standing next to her. No one was.

Instead, Jay's hand was slowly lowering from the top of her head, his fingers weakly gripping her hair as it went. He was watching her through nearly closed eyelids and had a slight smile on his face.

"Jay," she gasped softly, "Jay?"

He struggled to get words out for a moment, his lips forming incoherent words and soft scratches of sounds echoed in his throat, but then he managed to croak, "Is this a dream?"

She shook her head quickly and moved impossibly closer to his bed, her hand coming up to grip onto his still wrapped around her hair. "It's not a dream, Jay, it's not a dream. I'm right here."

"You look like my wife," he whispered as his fingers moved slightly in her hand.

She laughed under her breath and nodded. "Because I am your wife. It's me, Hailey. Jay, it's me."

He hummed and managed to slip his hand from hers so he could rest it against her cheek. He brushed his thumb over her wet skin then nodded against his pillow. Understanding crossed his face and he mumbled, "Hailey."

"Yeah," she breathed, setting her hand over his wrist, "It's me. You're at the hospital, honey, you got here last night."

He groaned and closed his eyes briefly. As he seemed to collect himself, Hailey sat watching him without breathing. Her tears froze on her face and the air was stuck in her lungs. She couldn't find it in herself to move in fear that, despite what she'd said, this really was a dream and Jay would fall back asleep, making her imagine that this entire thing hadn't actually happened.

But then he opened his eyes again so she could clearly see the green she'd been missing for months, and she realized it most certainly was not a dream. Jay was awake here at Walter Reed. It'd finally happened.

His face crumpled a second later, and a single tear fell from his right eye. Shaking his head slightly, he whispered, "What happened? What happened to me?"

"Hey, hey," she said softly, leaning forward to rest her hand on his cheek, "Jay-"

"I don't know what happened to me," he continued, "I wanted to become better for you. I wanted to be me again, and then I failed. I got hurt. I couldn't do it."

She couldn't help but suck in a breath in realization: he wasn't struggling to remember what had happened the other day in Bolivia, he was struggling to understand what had happened the year before that even led him to this moment. He was attempting to wrap his head around the past.

"Jay," she interrupted gently while wiping her thumb over his cheek to catch his tears as they continued to fall, "Jay, let's not focus on that right now, okay? We-We need to focus on you getting physically better. The past happened, okay? It happened and life moved on, and now we have to deal with it, and we will deal with it. I'm going to help you. We're a team just like we always were. That didn't change. We're going to get through this, do you hear me? We're going to figure it out."

His bottom lip wavered as he leaned into her hand. She watched his mouth open and close briefly before he finally whispered, "I don't know."

She felt herself suddenly fill with a fire she hadn't had in a long time – maybe even since she started investigating Sean and all the girls he'd hurt. It gave her something to fight for and was much more personal. This was her husband, and this was going to be her new case of sorts. She was ready to throw herself all in in order to convince him that he was going to survive whatever life decided to throw at him. She was going to be the one that proved that to him.

"I do," she said, quickly moving onto the hospital bed next to him. Taking his hand, she said, "It's a lot to wrap your head around right now because you just woke up. Let's put all of that to the side right now, okay? Let's get your doctor in-"

"No, no," Jay weakly argued, "I'm fine."

"You're not," Hailey said as she stood up. She felt Jay's eyes on her as she reached over to press the red button on the wall. Shaking her head when he opened his mouth to argue again, she leaned down to press her lips to his forehead and murmur, "Trust me."

His free hand came up to grip her t-shirt, and he shook his head again.

"You're tired and probably not the most comfortable," she continued softly, "You're not going to win this fight. Are you hungry? It had to have been a while since you got some food in you. I think-"

"Hailey," Jay croaked, his grip tightening on her, "Hailey."

She straightened up slightly to meet his eyes and softened. "Yeah?" she whispered.

He caught his breath and blinked quickly to let out a few last tears. Sniffling, he shrugged as best he could and said, "I love you. I love you so much."

It broke a dam in them both, and Hailey felt her own tears begin to fall again. It'd been much too long since she'd heard the real emotion behind those three words. It'd been even longer since she'd heard them said so faintly that they were only audible for those in the same room.

"I love you too," she said, "Forever, okay? Believe me."

Finally, Jay nodded, but his hand didn't loosen from her shirt. If anything, it tightened impossibly more.

Even as the door opened and two nurses and a doctor walked in the room, he kept his hazy gaze on her as long as he possibly could. She didn't blame him for she felt the exact same way: she was too afraid that looking away would reset the last five minutes. If either of them blinked, would that make this all a dream? Would it all disappear?

She silently prayed that it wouldn't.


There was more arguing and tears than Hailey would have wanted during the first hour of being reunited with her husband, but she couldn't control Jay's reactions just like she could barely control her own emotions.

Watching him struggle to remain calm as the list of his injuries was read off to him was more difficult than she'd imagined, especially since he was gripping her hand so tightly she was convinced he was going to break her fingers. It got even worse when the nurses quickly worked to change his bandages; the pain that was evident on his face broke her heart, and no amount of whispers or comforting touches could help him feel better.

When it did come to what could take his pain away, though, he refused the medicine, and she felt lost.

"I don't need it," he finally snapped at the nurse after she'd offered to increase the amount of morphine in his IV for the third time.

"Jay," Derek, the night nurse Hailey had met earlier, began, "I really think it'll help you relax and go back to sleep."

"Maybe I don't want to sleep," Jay said, "I haven't seen my wife in a long time, I think I should get to talk to her."

The two nurses glanced at Hailey, and she sucked in a breath. Straightening up from her spot on the recliner where she'd been sitting while holding his hand, she cleared her throat and gently squeezed his fingers. "I would love to talk to you for hours," she said softly, "But…honey-"

"Don't," he hissed, "Don't do it."

"Jay, we can talk about weaning off of the drugs maybe tomorrow or the day after that, but let's use them now," she said, "Sleep is important when you're healing, you know that."

"I slept for a really long time," Jay tried arguing.

"More is better," Hailey said. She brushed her hand over his hair and added, "You're forgetting that I know you. I've known you for a long time, Jay. I can tell that you're tired and in pain. We haven't seen each other in months, but that doesn't change a thing."

She could tell she was winning – if not by the way his face was softening, but by the way his grip was tightening on her hand.

"Are you staying?" he asked quietly.

Immediately, she nodded. "I'll stay," she said, "Right here, all night."

As if he didn't believe her, Jay's eyes flickered away from hers to scan the room. He frowned and asked, "Are you sure? You…where's your stuff?"

"At a house nearby," she explained, "But I can just go sometime tomorrow for some clothes, okay? I'm staying here until I know you're okay. I will not leave you until you say I can go, I promise."

She knew the implications of that promise. She'd have to go the second he told her to, but something in his eyes told her he wasn't going to ask her to leave for a while. She wasn't the only one who had missed him – he missed her as well. Neither of them wanted to let the other out of their sight. That was something they were in agreement over.

So she held his eye contact and tried silently reassuring him that he was going to be okay. They were going to be okay. The medicine was a good idea and would be necessary for his recovery. He needed to believe her.

"Okay," Jay finally said just above a whisper. He squeezed her hand again then glanced at the two nurses still in the room. Blushing slightly, he nodded and set his jaw.

Derek stepped forward with a kind smile and said, "You'll be feeling better soon. Your wife was right: it'll be much easier to sleep."

As he messed with the IV, Hailey continued gently carding her fingers through Jay's hair. She didn't force him to look at her since he was still looking away while taking several slow deep breaths. She just stayed as calm as she possibly could given the situation.

Any confusion Jay was experiencing wasn't strong enough to hide who he was at his core. He still needed her as much as she needed him. He still hated hospitals and needles and pain medication. He still let her in with just a glance.

They hadn't changed who they were as partners in the way they were both scared of. There were going to get through all of this like they had done before. It'd been five months of work, but they could do five more. They could even do five more years if they needed to. Jay had said it himself: she was the love of his life, they were going to get through this.

She needed to believe him right now.

"Give it ten minutes at most, Jay," Derek said before he and the other nurse helped adjust the bed back down slightly for better sleep. While they worked, Hailey tore her gaze from Jay to watch how they moved all the pillows and the sling. She was positive that someone would come help her if Jay ever asked that they move the bed, but she still wanted to feel like she could do it all herself. She wanted to feel like she had some sort of control in this hospital room.

To her surprise, Jay mumbled, "Thank you," once they were done. They assured him they'd be there as soon as they could if he needed him then walked out the room, turning the lights off as they went.

"That was nice of you," Hailey said gently, a smile teasing her lips as she settled back in the recliner.

Jay scoffed slightly and smirked as best he could at her, knowing exactly what she'd meant by her comment. "I think…I think I might be here a while. It seems like I should try to be nice."

"Nice is always good," Hailey laughed softly. She rubbed her thumb over his knuckles and let out a breath. "But yes, I think you're going to be here for a week or so."

"I should hold you to that," Jay said, "Once it's been a week of you being here with me, I'm expecting you to break me out."

"Oh, really?" she said, her laughter filling the room.

"Yeah," he chuckled, "I'll give you a week to get me out. You're smart, I'm sure you could come up with something. Plus, pretty sure you love me, so you'll get creative if you need to."

She softened, a smile still on her face, and she leaned forward. Making sure Jay was looking at her, she nodded and said, "I do love you. So much. Okay? I love you, and that's why I want you to stay here as long as they say you should. I want to take you home as safely as possible."

Jay blinked slowly and nodded against his pillow. A hazy smile crossed his face before he murmured, "I love you too. Can't wait to go home with you."

Tears sprang to her eyes as she nodded back at him. She swallowed a lump in her throat then said, "We'll get you home. Chicago's not far away, we'll get there."

Jay hummed then closed his eyes. His grip on her hand loosened as his head tilted toward her.

"I'll be here when you wake up," she whispered while straightening up slightly. Closing the distance between the two of them, she kissed his forehead and breathed him in. He didn't smell like her husband, but he felt like him, and that's all she cared about.

Perhaps he was doing the same thing as her for he took a deep breath through his nose with her hair around him then sank further in the bed. By the time she'd straightened up, he was rather still and she was half-convinced he'd fallen asleep. She smiled at the fact that she'd been right in knowing he really was tired and needed that last little push to give in to it.

She sat back in the recliner to watch him sleep. With her thumb still brushing over his cool skin, she rested her head back against the stiff cushion. None of it was exactly comfortable, but at least she had Jay.

All she could think of was him and his recovery. She tried making a list of everything he could possibly need once they got home. Here, she wasn't going to need to do too much, but when they were back in their apartment in Chicago…she was at a loss. When he'd gotten shot before, she'd gone over to his place a few times to bring him a meal or drive him to work or doctor appointments. He'd also had Will, though, so she wasn't his only source of help. While Will was still going to be involved – she had absolutely no doubt he'd be coming over to their apartment multiple times a week – she knew she was going to be the main person Jay turned to. It made her nervous.

So she decided that in the coming days, she was going to ask the nurses and doctors about anything that could possibly happen when they were on their own. She thought of possibly ordering a pair of slippers for him, more joggers, and looser t-shirts.

She was wondering if the hospital would be able to send any prescriptions back to Chicago when she finally fell asleep curled up on the recliner.


"She's still sleeping."

"Would you like me to wake her up for you?"

"No. She looks like she needs it. Did you talk to her at all yesterday?"

"A little. She was very worried about you; she didn't leave this room at all. This'll be cold and might sting at first, but it'll help the burn."

Hailey blinked her eyes open against the soft light in the room to see Brianna, the nurse she'd met yesterday, squatting on the other side of the bed and doing something she couldn't quite make out. She groaned while sitting up and tried stretching out her arms.

"Hailey," Jay said.

"Good morning," she mumbled, rubbing her eyes, "Are you okay? What's going on?"

"She's just – ow, dammit," he said through gritted teeth as he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Hey, hey," she said quickly while moving closer to him, "Jay-"

"Just another second, you're doing great," Brianna said.

"I'm fine," he said, but still accepted her hand in his, "It's just…it's sore."

"I bet," she breathed. She brushed the back of her free hand over his cheek and tried to smile when he opened his eyes again. "Hi."

"Hi," he said quietly as he squeezed her hand, "Did you sleep okay?"

"Me?" she asked, "You're the one who's been hurt."

"Also had a lot of pain meds and a bed," Jay countered, "I'm worried about you. Brianna – right, that's your name?"

Brianna laughed slightly as she stood up and nodded. "Yes, that's my name."

"Yeah, well, she said you were here all day," Jay continued.

Hailey raised an eyebrow and asked, "Where did you expect me to be?"

"I don't know," Jay said, "I guess I figured you would have left to eat. You need to take care of yourself."

"I can do that," Hailey said, brushing her hand over his hair, "I'm okay. There's no need to worry about me."

Brianna met her eyes then pulled her gloves off. There was something like amusement on her face, but she stayed quiet as she began looking over Jay's arm and the bandages wrapped around it.

"I might be in this bed, but I can still talk," Jay continued.

"Clearly," Hailey laughed slightly, "You seem a little more awake today."

"Great because then you'll listen to me when I tell you that I'm going to be the one who takes care of you," Jay said without missing a beat, "I have all these doctors and nurses; you have me, and – between the two of us – you know I prefer me over them, so you're gonna be the one getting the better care."

Hailey laughed harder, the first true joy she'd felt in months, and shook her head. "Stop talking," she said, lightly touching her finger to his lips, "One of those nice nurses who's going to be taking care of you is right here, and I think she's a good person, so we're not going to scare her off on your first morning."

Brianna smiled at them both and said, "Don't worry. I'm used to grumpy men telling me to leave them alone. Your husband is one of my nicer patients just this week."

Jay smirked and said, "See? I'm pleasant."

"Sure," Hailey laughed, "Pleasant and drugged. It's a good combination."

"Which reminds me, I'd like to get some food in you," Brianna said. She looked down at Jay and asked, "What kind of food do you like?"

He scrunched his nose and said, "Nothing sounds great, honestly. Can I just have a glass of water?"

"You need more than water," Hailey interrupted, all laughter dying on her lips at his words.

But he ignored her and looked at the nurse for the answer.

"I'm gonna have to agree with Hailey on this one," Brianna said. She stepped over to the sink and pulled a menu from the drawer. "You can pick something from here," she added while passing it over to him.

Jay sighed and barely looked at the menu. "Toast," he said.

"Jay Halstead," Hailey snapped as she straightened up to cross her arms.

He raised an eyebrow while looking up at her, challenging her to say more. Little did he know, she'd had frustration building within her for the last three months, and she was absolutely ready to let it out.

"You haven't eaten in well-over twenty-four hours," she said quietly, "So order off the damn menu and eat your breakfast. I'm not about to have you passing out on me from not eating."

Neither of them blinked as they held eye-contact. Hailey couldn't remember feeling this angry at him for months, and she wasn't quite sure what was causing it besides pent up emotions, but she knew his stubbornness at hospitals and this entire situation had gotten old real fast and it was only her third real conversation with him since he'd woken up. She wasn't ready to lose him over something as dumb as not eating breakfast. They had too much to discuss first before she even thought about letting him make his own decisions again.

"Fine," he said quietly, breaking her intense gaze to study the menu. After a moment, he sighed and said, "I'll have the breakfast sandwich."

"Fruit cup okay with you?" Brianna asked as she took the menu back.

Jay glanced at Hailey just for her to lean back on her heel and purse her lips. He nodded quickly and said, "Yes, please."

Brianna smiled and winked at Hailey before walking out of the room.

The second the door was closed, Hailey moved to the end of the hospital bed, set her hands on the foot rest, and said, "Let's get one thing straight right now."

Jay shifted as best he could on his bed then nodded.

"I love you," she began slowly, "And because I love you, because I have this ring on my hand, I want you to get better-"

"I know-"

"I'm talking," she interrupted, causing Jay to close his mouth quickly.

She could think back to all the times when she'd felt any anger toward Jay and none of them compared to all the anger she'd felt in the last five months. Him acting so different and not at all like the man she married as he struggled to grapple some sort of potential power within the unit. Him going rogue and risking his own life for a case that could have been finished and solved had they done it the right way. Him resigning and then taking a job in the military without consulting her. Him struggling to answer calls and texts whenever she reached out. Him hinting at staying longer than eight months. Him keeping his fears from her. Him almost dying.

Him now refusing to eat breakfast.

"You are everything to me," she whispered, "Everything, Jay. I have gone from losing you to thinking you were dying to having you back in the span of twenty-four hours. I will not sit here and watch you make your own recovery harder for yourself by refusing medical attention or drugs or a damn meal. I love you, Jay, and because I love you, I am going to do everything in my power to make sure you survive all of this – including making sure you eat. So I need you to promise me that you will cooperate with everyone: me, the doctors, the nurses, anyone who steps a foot in that door. We will be doing our hardest to get you home, we just ask that you play along and follow the rules."

Jay breathed in then nodded and put his hand out. "Come here," he said softly.

She blinked past the tears of frustration in her eyes and shook her head.

"Hailey," Jay said, waving his hand slightly.

"Promise me," she whispered.

"Come here," Jay repeated.

She stared at him watching her expectantly then gave in, making her way over to his right side and scooting as best she could onto his bed. It took them a minute of maneuvering with his IV and him quietly hissing in pain, but then they were settled there together on the thin mattress with their fingers interlocked on her thigh.

"I love you too," he began softly as he brushed his thumb over her hand, "And I am deeply sorry for everything I put you through in the past five months – no, the past year. I had worked so hard to make sure we could get married that I lost sight of actually being married to you. You are the most perfect person for me. You are determined, funny, a great listener, intelligent, and the one person in this world who fully understands me. It was a disservice of me to throw that all away. I realized that this morning when I was watching you sleep. You are beautiful and have a heart of gold to want a future with me and to not give up on that same future even after I've made mistakes. I'm sorry for putting my own stupid fears ahead of you not just today but every day over the past year. Really."

Looking in his eyes, Hailey could tell the words were coming from his own heart that she also thought was made of gold. His words could not erase everything she'd gone through in the past year just like hers could not magically soothe any fears or worries he had surrounding the hospital.

But it was a start, and that was good enough for this morning – maybe even for the next week or two as they spent time together in this little Walter Reed bubble.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Jay nodded in reply and leaned up as best he could to press a soft kiss to her cheek. Squeezing her hand and tilting his head toward her ear, he said softly, "And I promise you that I will do as you and anyone else asks."

She smiled and turned to brush her nose against his. Looking in his eyes, her lips parted for a moment as she blushed and debated her next move.

He anticipated what she was thinking and smiled himself. He nodded slightly and closed the small distance to finally kiss her.

After all their months apart living on one last desperate kiss in her car when she'd dropped him off at the airport, this was what she'd been waiting for. She'd kissed him the day before when she'd first entered the room, but now he was a willing participant and moving against her like he'd always done. It didn't feel quite as good as their first kiss back in a bar, and yet it felt even more meaningful. They were back together where they belonged. It didn't matter that they weren't in Chicago – they were home.

Finally.


Hailey focused on that high of kissing Jay again throughout the rest of the morning. Even when his breakfast was brought to the room, she refused to go far no matter how hungry she felt. She simply moved back to the recliner and watched him eat his bagel with egg and sausage on it as best he could with one hand. He blushed when his messy eating caused some of the food to get on his face, but she didn't mind and just wiped it off for him with a quick shake of her head. She was here for him no matter what.

She and the nurse, Brianna, had just helped him struggle into the bathroom to brush his teeth – his one request the second he'd scarfed down all of his food as an attempt to feel like himself again – when her stomach grumbled rather loudly in the small room.

Jay glanced over at her from where he was leaning against the sink panting for breath. "You're-You're hungry."

Her cheeks turned pink and she said, "I'm fine."

"You need to eat too," Jay said.

She shook her head and reached for the toothbrush Brianna had grabbed for him. "I can wait. Let's brush your teeth first."

Jay seemed hesitant, but he didn't argue as he accepted the toothbrush. He wavered for a second when he let go of the sink and, despite his need to be independent, also accepted all the help to make sure he didn't fall. However, as he slowly brushed his teeth, he kept his eyes on her through the mirror, and no amount of grimaces of pain or toothpaste could hide his worry for her.

So much so that she felt a pang of guilt when her stomach grumbled again just as he was trying to spit in the sink. Both he and Brianna looked at her, but they still remained quiet as she dealt with her hunger on her own.

"Are you sure you'll be okay by yourself?" she asked quietly while helping him wipe the stray toothpaste from his face.

He hummed in agreement and nodded before accepting a cup of water to rinse his mouth.

"I'll be just a buzzer away," Brianna added, keeping a hand on his back as he swished the water around.

"And she could probably even help me shower while you're gone," Jay said once he'd spit one last time in the sink, "You don't need to see me like that."

"Sorry, that's not happening for another day or two," Brianna said while taking the towel back from Hailey.

Jay looked like he could argue back at her, but said nothing and just looked at Hailey. "Shower for the both of us then once you eat," he said, "I'll be jealous."

She laughed slightly and said, "If you're sure. It might be closer to two hours since I have to actually get to the house too. I don't know if I have to check-in or anything either."

"I don't mind," Jay said softly. He shakily reached out to squeeze her elbow then smiled. Tilting his head to the side, he added, "That's an order."

She smiled back at him then nodded. "Okay," she breathed, "But can I at least help you get back in bed?"

"Preferably, yeah," Jay said, "I didn't realize how stiff I'd feel. This sucks."

"It'll get worse before it gets better," Brianna reminded him as they began the slow walk back to his bed.

He grunted in response and tightened his grip on Hailey's hand. She squeezed back and accepted more of his weight against her on their walk.

A lot of things were going to get worse before they got better. It was going to have to be their new motto if they were going to survive this next period of their lives together.


Leaving Jay felt harder than Hailey imagined. In a way, she felt guilty for just stepping out of the room. She didn't want anything to happen to him without her being there to keep track of who the doctors were or what medicine he was being given or even if he stood up again. He promised, though, to text her if anything important were to happen or if he needed her back sooner rather than later. It was almost enough to get her out of that room, and then Brianna said she would make sure to get a hold of her as well if something happened, and she felt even better about stepping away.

She kept her phone on her lap the entire ride to the house she was going to be staying at in case Jay were to text her and didn't even move to put it in her pocket as she was getting a tour of the home from its manager. He explained the kitchen and living spaces to her, but she was barely listening. She was too focused on what was happening back at the hospital to care about the available food and laundry room. He seemed to notice as well because he soon quieted down and brought her to her room, offering his support before passing her key over.

Inside, sitting on the couch across from the bed, was her suitcase and carry-on bag. She quickly dug through it all for the box of granola bars Trudy had forced her to pack and ate it without even taking her shoes off.

While eating, she looked around at the small room that reminded her of what she imagined a nice dorm room could look like. It was definitely nicer than her first apartment and could have been considered a good place to stay had she actually planned on spending legitimate time there. In reality, she knew the room was just going to be used for sleep and showers, so she didn't give it much more thought than that.

Her hunger pains were dulled for the moment, so she finally slipped her shoes off and pulled out her toiletry bag and a new outfit. She brought it all to the bathroom where she quickly started the shower and began pulling her clothes off. She was so desperate to get under the stream that she didn't even bother checking the temperature before stepping in.

Its brief coldness took her breath away. It was a shock much like everything in her life within the last twenty-four hours. It was painful and made her blood run cold.

But, like everything else, it soon turned too hot to handle. She was thrown under a shower that burned her skin and made her feel alive. Her fight or flight instincts were ignited, so, like she had been doing, she fought. She stayed under the hot water, breathing in the steam as she tried to remain calm.

It was a losing battle. She couldn't remain calm. She was in Maryland at a house meant for the spouses and families of military men and women who had suffered injuries significant enough to earn them a lengthy stay at Walter Reed of all places. There was no way she could remain calm.

So she cried.

She sobbed.

She fell to her knees.

She dug her nails into her skin.

She pulled at her hair.

Jay was no longer a member of the military. He was no longer a detective within the Chicago Police Department. He was a patient at Walter Reed Army Medical Center, and there was nothing she could do about it.

So she cried.


A/N: I'd love to hear what you think :) Talk to you next week!