Finally an update ! My little one decided that naps are overrated, so I struggle to find time to write (because she still wakes up at un ungodly hour, aren't kids supposed to sleep all the time ?!). Tell me what you think about this chapter and the whole story in general so I can go squeal at my husband every time I get a new review.
- Ah man ! It feels so good to have a two-day break ! Rory exclaimed, stretching his arms.
Everybody had been working hard on this tour for months now. This break, even short, was much needed.
- I'm going to the beach tomorrow, Sam, another technician, said. We are so close, it would be a shame to miss out.
- That sounds good. You know what, I think I'll join you, Lizzie offered.
She had no fixed plans yet, but a day by the sea sounded like a great idea. They kept walking in the corridor of the hotel. The three of them were heading outside to have lunch. All morning, she had refrained from going to Darcy's room to apologise. Surely, he had a very bad hangover and he would hate her even more if she interrupted a much needed rest. But just how long did he need to recover from a massive drinking night ? Lizzie had settled for an after lunch self-flagellation. Food always gives strength, doesn't it ?
- Well, looks like someone already has plans, Rory pointed out with a smile, nodding in front of them.
Richard was standing in front of the door of his room, at the end of the corridor, with a young woman. She was playing with her blond hair in a gesture that, Lizzie hoped, appeared less ridicule seen close up.
Oh no, that was not going to happen, Lizzie would make sure it wouldn't. She had fucked things up real good with Will, the same thing couldn't happen to Charlotte. It was part of Lizzie's penance. Leaving a bewildered pair of techs behind her, she almost ran to them. By the time she reached the door, they were already inside. She knocked hard. The backstage girl opened. There was no denying she was hot. Deliciously curvy, beautiful almond-shaped green eyes and curly blond hair. Lizzie's eyes narrowed. Now was the time to attack.
- Sorry, he already has company for today, Lizzie declared, storm-passing the girl inside the drummer's room.
The girl turned a puzzled look to Richard, who was equally surprised.
- Lizzie ? What are you doing here ? he rather harshly asked.
She ignored him and kept addressing the girl.
- I know you must be disappointed, Lizzie rattled away in an excessively friendly tone, so sad, such a man, she said as she took a look at Richard and exaggeratedly sighed. Well, it wasn't for today it seemed ! Don't be too depressed, though, she kept on while shepherding the chick to the door. Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this, her voice dropped to a very audible whisper, but he will likely spend the day in the bathroom, if you know what I mean, she patted her stomach and made a face.
The blonde's eyes widened and Lizzie nodded knowingly.
- I'm actually here to make sure he's OK. And drinks enough water. That's crucial when you drop friends at the pool. And he has a lot of friends in need of a lift, she shook her head.
The girl was now standing in the hallway, mouth open, still listening to Lizzie.
- Fear nothing, he will be fine, she waved her hand. If I were you, I would find another occupation for tonight, if you know what I mean, she added, eyebrows dancing. It was nice meeting you, bye !
Lizzie closed the door on the girl's face and leaned against it. That was the easy part. And the fun one. Now for the rest. She had not really thought it through. Not at all, in fact. What was she going to do now that Hot Blonde was out of the way ? Could she trust Richard not to go hunt for another girl ? She crossed her arms on her chest. Of course not. It was common knowledge that Richard had rarely spent one night alone since she joined the tour, even less so a two-day break. Well, she'll just have to barricade the door for a couple of days. Easy. She was not going to let Charlotte's heart be crushed. Not if she could do something about it. Those Pemberley guys needed some slap across the face. They were quite stupid as far as women were concerned. Panic suddenly hit her, and she yanked the door open again. The blond girl had not moved an inch.
- By the way, I would advise against looking for activity here, she nodded towards Darcy's door. All three of them went to the same restaurant. Indian food, or something deliciously exotic like that. They are quite bowel sensitive, it seems. Funny right ? Who would have thought rock gods were delicate flowers ?
She smiled and loudly shut the door again. That was totally because she did not want the girl to wake Will up. And not at all because she did not like the idea of him kissing another girl. Ok, that was lame, she knew it, but she couldn't help it.
- What the actual fuck ? Richard's deep voice thundered and brought her back to reality.
The look in his eyes left no doubt possible, he was furious. Of course he would be, she had completely sabotaged his week end. He took two steps towards the door.
- Move, he growled to Lizzie, who was still leaning against it.
- You're not going anywhere, she replied with equal ferocity.
Her fierce gaze met his. She took a step to him, her expression relentless. Clearly, she was not impressed. At last, he sighed, threw his arms in the air and strode to the bed.
- You could at least pretend you're afraid, he growled in a frustrated tone.
- Why ? You need some ego-boosting ? she snapped back.
He chuckled softly.
- Poor Will, he whispered to himself. So, he continued louder, care to explain ?
- You're not fucking your week end away with her, Lizzie declared with a wave of the hand over her shoulder to the door.
Wrath gave way to surprise on Richard's face, both at her tone, that brooked no argument, and at what she had said.
- Are you jealous ? he asked, doubtful.
That would be, hands down, the biggest mess he would ever find himself in.
- Don't be stupid, she replied, beyond annoyed.
Guys. They really have no idea what's going on, do they ?
- I'm here for Charlotte ! she exclaimed.
As always, her name brought about bittersweet feelings. Had he wanted to say something, he couldn't have. Emotions were strangling his throat.
- You can't do that to her. I won't let you, Lizzie added with a determined voice.
She wanted to protect her friend. Richard respected that.
- Do what ?
Even to his ears, his words sounded unsure. If he kept pretending nothing was happening, it would become true. And, it would allow him to avoid facing reality. Win win. He racked his hand through his hair. His attempts to deceive himself had been an utter failure thus far. Lizzie was going to shred him to pieces. He was waiting, he deserved it.
- Oh come on ! he heard her exasperated voice cry. You know what I'm talking about ! she threw her arms in the air.
Could she be any more enraged ?
- First, you have your … she waved her hand … thing, whatever that was, with Charlotte, you fuck, you are BFF. Then, out of the blue, you start avoiding her, you barely talk to her. And now, you resume your fucking around ? Starting with a two-day fuckathon ? What the actual hell ?
She was walking to him, furious. He didn't even try to defend himself, it was pointless. She was right.
- If someone needs to explain himself, it's you ! she pointed an accusative index towards his chest.
If eyes could burn, hers would have reduced Richard to ashes. An infuriated sigh escaped her as she sat heavily on the bed beside him.
- Charlotte is a mess, she turned her head to him. Why are you doing this to her ? she barked. You're not an asshole, then, why ?
Their gazes held. Hers, fierce, his, pleading. She was piercing him threw and threw. At last, he couldn't take it anymore, he turned his head and looked straight ahead.
- Because… he started.
A hand combed his hair in a desperate gesture. He blew out heavily. If he said it, it was going to become real.
- Because I'm afraid, he finally said.
Turning his head to her again, he saw her ferocious glare still levelled at him, urging him to develop. His silence fuelled her anger.
- Why ? Did she bite you ? she fiercely asked. No, don't answer that, she added after a thought.
She didn't need any insight into Richard and Charlotte's sex life. She crossed her arms.
- I'm waiting, she snapped.
She was not going to let go. Or let him go. Why was it so difficult ? He was a grown man, dammit ! Seconds passed, he blew out a breath. What were the right words ? Suddenly, Lizzie grabbed the phone on the nightstand.
- What are you doing ?
- Ordering pizza, she explained. This is going to take some time.
Apparently, 2 extra large pepperoni and mushroom pizzas with extra cheese was just the thing to help him loosen his tongue. Richard was grabbing a third slice when words poured out of his mouth.
- I was nervous at your parent's lunch, he started.
Lizzie's snort interrupted him. Why was this BBQ suddenly a hot topic ? Had it been as horrible for him as it had been for Darcy ?
- You were not the only one, she replied, mouth full.
Richard smiled.
- I was nervous because of Charlotte's parents, he clarified.
Lizzie stopped chewing.
- Charlotte was not going to tell them about your… she waved her wrist in the air.
She really needed to put a label on that relationship.
- It was not that, Richard shook his head no. I … he sigh. I wanted to make a good impression, you know ? It was important for me.
Slowly, Lizzie put her half-eaten slice of pizza back in the box. So that was it. That was not what she expected. He ate the rest of his slice and cleaned his mouth with a napkin. He was not going to say it, was he ? This delivery was painful.
- Why ? she simply asked.
- I wanted them to like me.
A few silent seconds passed. Now, the forceps.
- Why ? she repeated.
He sighed again and took another slice.
- Because I'm in love with her.
There. At last. He had said it. His heart contracted. He had thought that he would feel relieved, but he didn't. He was bleeding. Hard. Now that the words were out, Richard could explain. And Lizzie listened to him. She heard his pain, but was happy for Charlotte, that was the best outcome possible. The feeling was new to him, foreign. He felt vulnerable. Everything had always been crystal clear between Charlotte and him since the beginning. It was only about having fun. Like it had always been, with every other girl. But Charlotte was not every other girl. She was special, and funny, and gifted, and intelligent and fierce. Gradually, his feelings shifted, but he had no insight on what was happening on her side. He was terrified of being rejected, of hearing the 'it's not you, it's me' bullshit. Of her possibly laughing at him.
-So, you just hide from her ? Lizzie said at last, bewildered.
- Yes. Survival, you know ? he was chewing the last mouthful of his pizza.
She fixed him intently.
- That makes no sense, you do realise it, don't you ?
- I have no idea what else to do, he explained, grabbing a slice from Lizzie's box.
For a few seconds, Lizzie was thoughtful. How good was her advice ? She had always thought that she was good at reading people. Apparently, she wasn't. She had dealt atrociously with the last guy who had - awkwardly, granted - opened his heart to her. His declaration had been a total surprise. And even at that moment, she understood nothing, for his voice mail was a second blow. She sat straighter and looked around. About him…
- What time is it ? she asked, looking everywhere for a clock.
- 2pm.
- Shit. I've got to go talk to Will, she got up from the bed. But I'll come back right after, and then,
- He's not there, Richard interrupted her.
She froze.
- What ?
That possibility had never crossed her mind. He had to be there, she needed to talk to him.
- He left early this morning, Richard explained, feasting on the rests of Lizzie's pizza.
- Where is he ? her voice was lower.
- He took the jet to see Georgiana.
She had not thought his absence would disappoint her as much as it did. There was a hole in her chest. He was travelling with her words and her anger from the night before, just as she was about to correct it all.
- I wouldn't have, had I been him. He looked like shit, Richard kept on. He must have had way to much to drink last night.
Lizzie's complexion took a turn for the paler. She was slowly rubbing her arm. She could only imagine in what state he had been when he had boarded the jet. It was a wonder he had been able to walk at all.
- What did you want to talk to him about ? Richard asked, finally lifting his eyes to her.
Her mien didn't go unnoticed. Now, that was interesting.
- Oh ? Nothing, just… she mumbled.
- Come on ! he chuckled. I just confessed my deepest secret to you, I deserve something in return.
He patted the bed in front of him. He was right. She couldn't justify keeping it a secret when she had all but dragged the truth out of him. A small smile lift her lips. How quickly the tables had turned. Now she was the one embarrassed. She sat back on the bed and pushed the pizza box to Richard, who didn't need any more invitation to gulp down the rest.
- I'm waiting, he imitated her.
Lizzie laughed wholeheartedly.
- Ok, story time, she crossed her legs and started.
She talked about her fight with Darcy, his confession, his insults, the kiss, although she didn't linger on the details, Wickham, Jane, the voice mail. She told him how abashed she was now and how badly she wanted to apologise to him. Richard was a good listener. He let her unravel the thread of her story without interrupting her. He had already gone up her good graces after admitting his love for Charlotte. Now, he was one more step up. She genuinely liked the guy. For a few seconds, she hesitated about the nights she had shared with Will. It was extremely intimate. She had not talked about it to Jane, but Richard had just opened up to her, and he was really close to Will. What he would think about it would surely be very close to the truth. She was about to cover the subject when he finally spoke.
- I suspected Will had a thing for you, he owned up to her.
To her astonished demeanor, he added.
- He's always watching you.
- Yeah, to make sure I don't mess up, she replied, still in denial.
Richard laughed.
- Oh no, that's not the Darcy look of disapproval you get ! Have you already seen the way he looks at overcooked meat ? No, you get the Darcy look of I-would-like-to-lick-you-from-head-to-toe.
Lizzie choked on her mouthful of soda. Richard patted her back, rather hard. If she was not coughing because of her beverage, she sure would be, thanks to his strong strikes.
- You, young lady, are cooked to perfection, he declared with a wink.
When she could breathe again, Lizzie laughed, rather uneasy. She was ? Well, he had plainly said so the night before, hadn't he ? But somehow, it still felt hard to believe. He was so… out of her league.
- But why would he ? she started, but the ideas collided in her head and on her tongue. I mean, I didn't … oh fuck it, she buried her face in her hands.
- There, there, it's not that bad, Richard said, making fun of her.
The muscles of her back tensed, afraid more patting would come, but he only stroked her shoulder, quite gently.
- He's a great guy, Richard shifted to a serious tone. He's not skilled when it comes to talking to people, he's not sunny like Charles or playing the fool like me, but he's a genuinely good guy. He's loyal to a fault, and honest. He works real hard and he's got that dry sense of humour that cracks you up when you learn to spot it.
Embarrassment coloured Lizzie's cheeks. Richard had to take her by the hand and walk her through Darcy's every quality, so blind was she when it came to him. He emphasised Will's sense of justice, the way he protected those who were dear to him, or those he thought were his responsibility and so many other wonderful qualities only someone as close to him as Richard was could know. When she had finally noticed it, Lizzie had liked his sense of humour, plus he was cultivated and intelligent and well-read. And oh so fucking good-looking for Christ's sake, how could one person win so much at the genetic lottery ? She slumped on the bed and stared at the ceiling.
- And what do you make of all the 'a technician is not good enough for me' shit ? she asked Richard.
Those words had not hurt her, they had made her angry. And if she was honest with herself, she was pained that Will would think that about her. She liked her job and the way she lived her life. She did not feel inferior and she had not liked that he had tried to make her feel that way. Richard sighed and shook his head.
- That's not what he meant, Richard answered, lying next to her on his massive bed.
In a swift movement, Lizzie rested on her elbow and watched him.
- How can you be so adamant ! You were not there ! Anger was creeping under her skin again.
- Calm down and listen, before you burn the whole place to the ground, Attila, Richard replied with a smirk.
This one was definitely fiery. He liked Charlotte's cold head better. She had this very special way of hers to control her emotions without stifling them. She always seemed even-tempered, but when one knew what to look for, one could perceive evidence of annoyance on the way the corner of her mouth bend down, one could see how mirth changed the shape of her eyes, or the way her nostrils flared with anger…Oh shit, he was supposed to answer something. Richard cleared his throat.
- Will doesn't do crew members.
- Yeah, I got that, Lizzie heatedly interrupted him.
Richard turned his head to her.
- And we don't either, he paused, pinning his eyes to hers.
He paused for dramatic purpose.
- It's an important rule for Will, one of the many rules we all agreed on concerning Pemberley, Richard then resumed. Techs are untouchables, this way we manage to avoid all kind of law suits, he explained. Imagine, a one-night stand, or even a longer relationship, and then, the angry dumped girl files a complaint. Sexual harassment or worse. It only takes one. It would taint the reputation of the band, and it could give way to other complaints. Besides, hiring techs would become a living hell. Ill-intentioned people waiting to get on board so they can sue us and get a shitload of money. How do you sort out the good from the dirt ? We need to be exemplary on that point.
Their eyes held, he was waiting for his words to sink in. When the light of awareness illuminated Lizzie's gaze, he turned his head to the ceiling again.
- Have you ever heard any bad press concerning Pemberley on that point ? Richard asked.
From the corner of his eyes, he saw the movement of her head as she slowly shook it no, stunned speechless by what she had just heard.
- It's different with other band members, he continued.
- Because unlike techs, they are not subordinates, Lizzie finished his sentence.
- You got it, his fingers were drumming on his chest.
- Oh my fucking God, just how stupid am I ? Lizzie shouted, resting on her back again. It's official, I'm the most idiotic person in the world. If you look up the word in a dictionary there's a picture of me, along with : synonym 'Lizzie Bennet'.
Her hands came to rest on her face. That was the third blow. Did she even understand anything about human nature ? Did she even know Will at all ? Right now, she seriously doubted it. For a few seconds, Richard thought she was crying. Panic started to eat his guts. What is the protocol with weeping women ? He didn't get the memo !
Pemberley did have a good name in the industry. Truth be told, their reputation is pristine. The band was not dragging any sordid scandals. The crew was very well treated, Lizzie had enjoyed working with them. The atmosphere was always good, everybody was hard-working and respectful. She lowered her hands from her face, and Richard breathed out when he saw her dry eyes.
- Now what ? she said, more to herself than to her companion.
- You tell me, Richard said, we're in the same fog, it seems.
As an answer, she only raised a closed fist Richard checked.
- So, apologies ? he asked her.
- Absolutely. I was the worst horrible shrew ever. Number one world wide. I'm not sure he can ever forgive me, her throat tightened, the words came out with difficulty.
- He will, Richard assured her and she wished she could share his assurance.
If he's half in love with you as I think he is, he already has, Richard thought to himself. Now he understood better Will's excessive drinking from the night before. He must be utterly miserable right now.
- But I don't want to do that on the phone, Lizzie kept on. Then, it would be too awkward when we will be face to face again. I'd rather give him a chance to spit in my face, she chuckled.
Or kiss me again. Hey no, stop ! Let's focus on something else than the incredible things he could do with his mouth. Or all the things she did not yet know he could do with it. Really, stop. She still hated him, she only wanted to apologise for her behaviour. Right ?
- And you ? What's your plan ? she asked, eyes still on the ceiling like it held the answers to all the world's great philosophical questions.
Richard blew hard, and she heard him scratch his lightly bearded chin.
- I have to talk to her at some point, I suppose.
- Duh ! Lizzie couldn't help reply. Sooner rather than later if you ask me.
- But what can I tell her ?
He was back to were he had started. What to say wasn't the real problem here, it rather was, did he have the courage to hear her answer ? It was a leap of faith.
- There are three little words you could murmur into her ears, the rest of Lizzie's sentence was muffled by the pillow he threw in her face. Hey ! she laughed, faking shock. I'm trying to help here ! Don't shoot the ambulance !
She threw the pillow back to him.
- Sorry, you were sharing your wisdom with me. Please, do enlighten me.
She narrowed her still dancing eyes.
- Seriously, don't wait to long. Everybody knows you've resumed your fucking around, if you wait too long, Charlotte will think…
- I haven't, he cut her.
She turned a staggered face to him. Richard's forehead was crested. So, that was what Charlotte thought ? On top of the fact that he was obviously avoiding her ? Shit.
- The blonde you escorted out was supposed to be the first one since Charlotte.
Lizzie mouthed a slow 'wow'. He was much more reasonable than what people gave him credit for. And very much in love with her best friend, it seemed.
- Rumour has it you never sleep alone.
- Don't listen to rumours, Richard replied, gritting his teeth.
No wonder Charlotte was a mess, how long has she been thinking that ? Talking to Lizzie felt a little like talking to Charlotte. There was a link, and she could point to him what to say and what to keep quiet. So, Richard explained how he earned this reputation. How he used to sleep around since Pemberley became famous, and how it had gradually stopped when he realised what he felt for Charlotte. He couldn't stand the idea of touching another woman. His speech ended on a very audible rumble of his stomach. It was already dark outside, and the only lights illuminating the room came from the city, through the windows. None of them had noticed the sun going down.
- Korean ? Richard offered after his tummy roared some more.
- Bring it on.
They kept talking long after the foam boxes were empty. That guy sure had a healthy appetite. Progressively, they stopped speaking about Will and Charlotte to broach other subjects of their respective lives, childhood, studies, family. Lizzie felt totally at ease with him, like talking to a brother. Yawns interrupted their dialogue more and more often, until Lizzie stopped responding. Richard pulled a blanket over her, turned on his other side, and closed his eyes.
The sun was piercing through the curtains, foreshadowing a beautiful day. The room in which Lizzie woke up was not familiar. But the feeling of someone lying next to her was. She turned around in a rapid movement to see Richard's smiling face. This was not the good guy.
- You're not…
The name died on her tongue. Disappointment stroke her chest. It would have been so easy and nice to just creep into his arms, cuddle and tell him she was sorry. But things had to be complicated, had they not ? Richard watched her quizzically.
- I'm not what ?
- Never mind, she answered, rubbing her face. I don't remember falling asleep here.
- You slept like the dead, I tried to wake you up, but I couldn't.
She smiled. No, she had not slept as well as when…stop. She needed to stop this. It was not going to happen again. Ever. Why did the thought made her chest hurt ?
Let's go get some breakfast, Richard happily slapped her arm as he got out of bed.
- Do you sometimes think about anything else besides food ? she laughed. I need to take a shower first, and change clothes, she added after casting a look at her wrinkled outfit.
She got up and stretched. That was not how she had envisioned her week end. The talk and the night had not soothed her feelings, she still felt terrible, but at least, her eyes were open now. How come she felt like she was the one nursing a hang over ? A shower would be most welcome indeed. When she headed to the door, Richard was already in the bathroom, a toothbrush in his mouth.
- See you down there, she waved at him while closing the door.
Richard gestured back in the mirror and jabbered something.
