A/N: You might notice a reference in this chapter's title ;) Thank you for the kind reviews on the previous chapter. I am so glad you are enjoying this story so far. It keeps me motivated!
I uploaded the next two chapters, as splitting them up made more sense in my head, but I felt this one was too short to upload on its own.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but Edward owns my soul.
Enjoy.
6. Complications
Bella's Point of View:
The rush of air I felt as I blew through the classroom door was a welcome one. It hit my face as the door clicked shut behind me and a I gulped in a breath of air. I sidestepped to the wall beside the door and leaned against it. I forced myself to swallow mouthfuls of air as my eyes scanned the hallway. The sound of footsteps on the other side of the door propelled me towards the sign leading to the bathrooms at the end of the hall.
I ambled through the push door and my legs took me to the sinks in front of a mirror that spanned the width of the bathroom wall. Anchored to that wall was a counter with sinks running along it. I counted them: one, two, three, four, five… I counted the sinks forwards and backwards until I felt my body lean forward onto the middle sink, my hands gripping the edge of the counter. I stared into the porcelain basin, breathing hard.
"In and out," I whispered to myself. I was suddenly brought back to the early months of my senior year of high school, when my dreams terrorized me and woke up Charlie with my screaming. I could picture him now, suddenly sitting on the side of my bed, shaking me awake. His concerned face floating in front of my eyes as I would often blink in terrorized confusion before realizing I was no longer dreaming. Sitting up and hugging him, grabbing onto his pyjama shirt as he rubbed my back.
"Breathe, Bells," he would say, and he would talk me through my panic every night. My eyes filled with tears, now in my college's bathroom and not my bed in Forks, comforted by Charlie. I was suddenly aware that I did not have my cell phone with me. Even if I wanted Charlie's reassurance, I could not get it in this moment. I breathed out a shaky breath that rattled its way up my throat. Before me, I saw my hands reach for the faucet on their own. I was briefly aware of them turning on the tap, and I watched my own palms steady under cool water, but I wasn't aware this command had come from my own brain. Suddenly, my neck craned downwards, and I was splashing the water on my face.
I sputtered, tasting the water on my dry lips, feeling it splash and touch the inside of my cheek that too had run dry. Again, I heard myself say. I splashed my face again and suddenly I was in Forks once more. I stood with Charlie in his small bathroom as he helped me splash the cold water on my face. He patted it dry, and pressed a damp, cool cloth to my forehead. My eyes slid closed, and I saw fire behind them. I felt it spread through my body, starting in my hand, creeping its achy heat around and up my arms. It spread through my veins slowly, taking its time as it scorched the inside of my body. It hurts, I groaned internally. The fire! Someone stop the fire!
It didn't stop. My heart pounded. The fire raged inside of me. It pushed its way through my arms and around my shoulders, snaking down my shoulder blade with agonizing slowness, leaving no relief as it moved from my shoulders to my neck and down, down, down. It sunk into the gaping cavern that was opening itself back up in my chest.
I was in Forks, on the cold forest floor, hearing voices around me.
I was in Phoenix, in a room surrounded by mirrors. The fire burned and I felt it behind each rib, spreading.
I was in a familiar field of grass, a serene, cool presence beside me, but not close enough for me to grab for any relief from the heat that accosted my senses.
I was in the forest again. Alone this time, the imposing darkness caving in as I felt the world collapse in on me. I spun, impossibly alone, and the trees above me mocked me as they whirled with me, any possible way out blurred as I curled in on myself. I panted as I felt the fire envelop my whole body. I kept my eyes closed, bracing myself after wave after of mind-numbing agony until it raced towards my middle. I seared its way around my core and wound back into my chest, the pain in the very centre, ripping a hole in its wake and suddenly, as the pain hit its crescendo upon my heart, I felt it stop.
Another heaving, gasping breath in. My eyes flew open. I was briefly aware I was back in Olympia's second floor bathroom, my hands gripping the middle of my chest. The pain was a dull, empty ache now.
"It hurts," I gasped as I felt something cool and damp press on my centre there. "It hurts."
"I know, Bella, I know," came a cool, even tone. I shivered at the voice as if it had touched me and ran through my body. Cold. Distant. Melodic.
"It will stop."
"No, it won't," I sobbed and I looked at my own wild reflection staring back at me. I gasped in surprise when I saw another reflection there, too. His reflection. Edward, his tousled amber hair giving way too his too-perfect face. Molten topaz eyes burned into mine.
"It will stop," he said, his smooth voice an ethereal tune in my ears. I felt it bounce off the cavern in my chest, each perfect syllable a beautiful, piercing sting.
"No, stop," I gasped, realizing it was my wet hands that gripped my chest. I pressed them tighter against me, feeling the wild thrum of my own heart. The cool water that spread from my hands onto the fabric of my shirt began to calm my mind. I breathed in through my nose as I realized there was no fire inside of me. There was no burning heat to stop my heart. Just like there was truly no second reflection in the mirror beside mine.
"You're not – you're not real," I gasped out, and I felt a new heat on my body. A real one this time, roll down my cheeks. "You're not really here, and I know you aren't." I watched his perfect features shift into confusion for a moment, an imperceptible tilt of his head as Edward's reflection considered me for a moment. He looked hurt.
"Bella," he said, my name rolling perfectly off his tongue. My heart hammered away in my chest at the sound of my name. I glared at mirror-Edward.
"You're not there," I whispered to him. His eyes flashed and I watched as concern now painted his features.
"My kind – we're very easily distracted," he said cryptically, looking to the side. I heard the memory of his words, and my knees shook. Keeping one hand on my real, beating heart, I used my other to grip the counter again.
"Stop it," I hissed, more to myself than the fake Edward in the mirror. And then a dry sob wracked my body, and I gripped the other side of the counter. I saw mirror-Edward's gaze turn strained for a moment and then it was replaced by the cool, aloof expression I had seen for the last time in the forest in Forks. It was the one he often wore when he appeared like this.
"You're not real," I whispered, and my eyes flicked up to his. They bore into mine with an intensity that I was no longer accustomed to. I felt my anxiety shake in my legs.
"No." I watched as Edward's reflection sigh and gaze off, holding that same, matter-of-fact empty look the last time real Edward had spoken to me. He tilted his head down towards me and I thought for a moment his gaze might burn me. "But He was."
"Damnit!" I grunted in frustration and shot my hand under the still running water. I scooped up as much as I could in my cupped hands and aimed it at mirror-Edward. I watched his reflection become distorted by the drops of water assaulting the mirror, and then he was gone as quickly as he had appeared. Chest heaving, I stared at the spot where he had stood in the mirror and blinked. I forced long, even breaths through my nose and out past my lips. I counted in my head to fifty and I could feel my heartbeat slowing.
But He is.
The words resounded in my ears, bouncing off one another until it became a distant hum in my mind. I stared at my reflection and briefly checked my watch. 7:50 PM. I had stood in this bathroom for all of 5 minutes, but I felt as though the events of the last half hour had lasted several. I didn't notice when someone pushed through the bathroom door.
"How is this possible," I said aloud.
"…Bella?" I gasped and spun around. Behind me, Danielle's face was painted with concern.
"Bella – oh my god, what happened?" She glanced at me and then the streaks of water running down the bathroom mirror. I blinked at her for a moment, my mind reeling. I knew that I undoubtedly looked like a maniac to this girl I barely knew. To all the others in my class. I breathed in again and hung my head as tears stung in my eyes.
"Hey! Hey, it's okay," Danielle said, rushing towards me. She awkwardly flapped her hands around me before settling on placing one hand on my forearm. Her hand was soft and warm, unfamiliar, though I welcomed the human contact. During the early days after the Cullen's had left, physical contact was often the only thing that could calm me down. Charlie's rocking hugs often lulled me back to sleep, and Jacob's too-hot body brought me back to reality. Angela's hugs were gentle, friendly, a reminder that someone was always there. It was strange that I felt this in Danielle's hand now, too, even though we had only just met. I squeezed my eyes shut as tears escaped down my face.
"I hate crying in front of people," I mumbled, feeling awkward. I wondered if Danielle felt awkward, too. "I'm sorry."
"What are you sorry for? Bella, are you okay?" She sighed at herself and shook her head. "Of course you're not okay. You look like you've just seen a ghost." I sniffed at this and shrugged. In a way, I had.
"I'm sorry," I whispered. I glanced up at her and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. "I don't really know how to explain this."
This was the truth. In fact, I had never really considered how I might explain the complete truth to someone, if I were ever able to. I knew that this would never be a possibility. I risked too much if I were to expose the Cullen's and their world, their kind. If I risked their exposure, I risked Jake's exposure and his pack. I risked myself, and those around me that I loved. And even though I felt anger towards him, I couldn't risk Edward's existence this way.
So then, how did I explain my panic to someone who already knew very little about me, aside from knowing completely nothing about the strange Cullen family that haunted Forks Highschool? How did I manage to explain that my boyfriend, who realistically should be nearly nineteen like me, was now the professor of our Gothic Literature class?
I wasn't sure that I could.
I looked at Danielle as she briefly left my side to grab a tissue from the box that sat on the other side end of the counter. She returned with it and pressed a few into my hand.
"Here," she said. "Why don't we start by sitting down?"
"Where?" I glanced around me, and my eyes lingered on the bathroom stalls. "In-?"
"No, silly," she said, laughing lightly. "Let's just … sit on the floor. Sometimes, sitting on the floor is what you need. But let's do it away from where you've splashed water everywhere." She smirked at me and led me to the small square of tile that sat between the end stall and a baby change table. She sat down first, cross-legged and invited me to do the same. I frowned briefly, considering that this was a bathroom floor, but the bathroom itself was notably clean. I sat across from her. Sniffling, I dabbed at my eyes. Danielle's phone beeped and she flipped it open.
"Nick is just wondering if you are okay," she said, as she flipped open her phone and typed a text.
"There," she said. "I told him it was just some girl stuff." She smiled at me as she flipped her phone shut again and pushed it into her pants pocket.
"Thanks," I said, sniffling again. My voice came out sounding stuffy.
"Of course," she said. "I wasn't sure what happened when you bolted. But I didn't want to leave you like that alone."
"You're going to miss the first part of the lecture," I pointed out. She shrugged.
"Nick said he would get whatever notes we need. It's just the first class. I'm sure we'll catch up." I nodded, my eyes sliding down to look at the tiles on the floor.
We sat silently for a moment while I was able to stop the flow of a few last tears and regain more composure. I saw some of the mascara I had used that morning blot onto the tissue. So much for my makeup.
When I was finished, I tucked the tissue away in my fist and stared at it for a long moment. I considered the situation. Right now, I felt as though ever stepping foot into that classroom again was an impossible feat. But in the same moment, I considered the reality of the situation. I was here, at Olympia college. In fact, I was doing something that Edward had always wanted me to do. I was getting an education. I was having a new experience. I was being human. Wasn't this what he had wanted? Was this not his whole reason for leaving? Of course, I wondered if he had considered the possibility of me being at this particular college. Perhaps the Cullen's really had stayed in Washington and lied about their location. It made sense if they really wanted to throw people off their path, and besides me, who would really question their new home anyway?
I imagined for a moment that Edward probably assumed that I would have left Forks and perhaps Washington altogether. It was true that in the short time I was in Forks, the weather had not been my favourite. At least, not at first. It had become something I found comforting over time, something I hated to admit had not changed. I had begun healing, but I knew there was still work to be done in that category. I knew, deep down the real reasons I had chosen to study in Washington. I had considered going back to Arizona, I felt that being close to Charlie had its benefits with the events of the previous year. Then, there was Jacob and the rest of the Quileute tribe. And lastly, I knew that there was a part of me that had not been fully ready to completely let go of all the supernatural forces that tied me to Forks. It was ironic then, that one of these forces had found me instead. For the split second that our eyes had met and the shock that showed in his otherwise perfect face, I was safe to assume this was an accident on his part.
There was a part of me that hated that, and a part of me that was relieved.
I picked at the tissue in my hands and frowned. I had been looking forward to all the English classes I chose for my first year of college. And now, the one that I had anticipated the most had a complication. I frowned and considered for a moment that this was not fair. There had been many things in the last year that felt unfair to me, but this one bothered me the most. Edward had left on the pretense of me not fitting into his world. He had wanted me to have human experiences and left me, intending for me to remain human and behave as such. He had made it clear that I didn't belong in his world.
And now, here he was. In my world. In my human experience.
I crumpled the tissue harder in my fist. I glanced at Danielle and decided that if I were to stay in this class, she needed to know the basics of the situation. I realised, as I started to give Danielle the human version of the story, that I would need to explain the events of my first class to Angela, and probably Ben. Of course, they would only get the human side of things. But I was suddenly thankful for the small circle I belonged to so far in Olympia.
The one who didn't belong here for once, was Edward.
A/N: I was going to add Edward's POV here, but it ended up being so long, that I split it into two chapters and uploaded them together. I hope you enjoy the next one!
