You guys! Your reviews are amazing, I'm speechless. Especially SamXDanny, thank you so much for your review!
If I'm honest, writing this fic can be so scary sometimes. I want to do the characters justice, and I want to tell my own story, but most of all I don't want to let you guys down. So thank you so much for all the kind words! I can't wait to keep going - but for now, a quick interlude.
After all, it's time that Tucker finally got his say!
-Song
Even though it had been her idea, Operation Meat Lover's Pizza went against everything Sam had ever believed in.
Certainly buying the pizza with her own money had been almost sacrilege.
She'd waffled at the counter of Slice and Dice - an arcade and pizza joint - for over twenty minutes, as she tried to decide if getting an "Impossible" meat pizza would possibly fool Tucker. But he was like a bloodhound with meat. So, with a heavy heart, she'd bought the murder pie and paid in cash, lest it haunt her forever on her debit card bank statement.
Another fifteen minutes later and Sam was standing on Tucker's front porch, knocking. After her first attempt, no one had come to the door. After her second, the same.
It was getting colder. Winter was finally settling in.
The windows were all dark, the only light a neon glow coming from Tucker's room upstairs. No doubt from the rotating rainbow of colorful LEDs on his gaming PC.
God, I hope he's home.
Because it wouldn't be the first time that Tucker had left his PC on while he was out with his parents. She had once chided him about saving energy, a lecture which he'd ignored.
Plus, if he was the only one home, it would certainly make all this a little less awkward. Because how did you confront one best friend about their behavior toward the other?
With a sacrificial offering of meat pizza and a sympathetic ear?
It was honestly her only plan.
She shivered and texted Danny with one hand about her progress - or lack thereof.
She knocked again. Then again.
"Tucker?" she called.
Maybe he had fallen asleep? Or maybe he was blasting music in his noise canceling headphones?
Maybe he wasn't even home at all.
She sighed and set the pizza down on the porch. She plopped down onto the first step and texted Tucker.
S: Wake up. I'm on your porch.
No answer.
She texted Danny again, fully ready to leave the pizza on the porch and give it up as a lost cause.
But a light turned on upstairs, a yellow, glowing square casting down onto the lawn in front of her. She stood up and stared. The curtain fluttered over the lit window.
She rolled her eyes and texted Danny again, before she pounded on the door.
"I know you're home, you jerk!" she cried. "I bought you a freaking pizza!"
It took only two minutes for the front door to open. Tucker stood in his black sweats and a yellow T-shirt and white socks. His noise-canceling headphones were around his neck, and his hair was buzzed down. It was just a thin, downy layer against his skull.
"Hey," she began lamely. She pointed at the pizza, now grown cold, which sat at her feet on the porch. "Hungry?"
He looked at it, then at her. Then behind her, suspicious.
"Danny's in Wisconsin."
"He's - wait, what?" Tucker looked like he was going to ask why, but he stopped himself and flared his nostrils, irritated. "I'm not hungry."
Sam dropped her mouth open in shock. "That's impossible."
Tucker rolled his eyes. "Sam I don't want to-"
"I know, but we have to."
"We really don't."
"You haven't even looked at either of us since Halloween."
"I've been busy."
She crossed her arms, and not just to keep out the cold.
"Oh yeah? With what?"
"Freelance stuff. Computer junk. Gamer club. Homework. Normal boring things that normal boring teenagers are supposed to be doing."
Sam shivered, cold and resolute. Tucker sighed.
"Oh my god, just come inside." He glanced downward and added, "Bring the stupid pizza."
Sam breathed a puff of relief and grabbed the box from the porch. She followed him in, closing the door behind her.
He took the box and stalked off to the kitchen while Sam took off her combat boots and coat. She sent a quick text to Danny that she'd made it inside, and then followed Tucker.
"Whoa," she heard him say as she rounded the corner to the kitchen. "This has actual meat on it."
"Yep," Sam said. "It's full murder with a side of mushroom."
Tucker actually looked touched. "You're really serious about this whole, 'let's talk' thing, aren't you?"
"Deadly."
Sam sat in one of the wooden kitchen chairs which creaked beneath her weight. Tucker selected two large slices and tossed them on a single plate for the microwave. He put the rest in the fridge. For about forty-five seconds they stared at each other, him leaning against the counter, she sitting awkwardly at the table.
When the microwave beeped, Tucker took the slices out, but he did not sit across from her. He stayed against the counter, raised one cheese-dripped triangle to his lips and took a bite, avoiding her eyes.
"So," Sam started. "How are you?"
He shrugged.
"Are you still hurt anywhere?"
Sam hadn't let his buzzed hair fool her. She remembered how singed he'd been after the fire. He must have had it evened back out. And his arms, which before had been scraped and bleeding, now had a few scabs.
"Tucker-?"
"Sam!" he snapped after swallowing. "Stop. Please."
"Why?" she cried. "What happened? What changed?"
"Nothing changed, that's what happened."
Sam didn't understand. He could see that.
Tucker let the plate clatter to the counter and he stepped toward her. She leaned back a little in her chair as he put one hand on the back of it, the other on the table, and he leaned in.
"Nothing has changed," he said in a low, frustrated voice. "That's the goddamn problem, Sam."
"How?"
"Because Danny's my best friend. He's like my brother and I love him. But I ran into that fire and almost died for him. Because of him!"
Sam tried to draw further backward from the anger dripping in his voice, but the back of the chair stopped her.
"And you know what's crazy? I was so ready to do it. But for what? Danny's immortal, so what does he need me for? Why did I even bother?"
His voice cracked a little, so Sam reached up and touched his arm, but he flinched away.
"I feel useless, Sam. I hate that he got everything and I got nothing. I hate that you and I are going to be playing catchup with him for the rest of our lives."
"That's not true-"
He barked out a humorless laugh and stepped away. Sam stood up with him and he paced back to the counter, crossing his arms tight.
"Your rose-colored glasses thing is so annoying," Tucker growled.
"What-?" Sam felt herself blush. "That's so… I'm not-"
"You so are." Tucker looked away from her, his jaw tight.
Sam didn't know what to say. She knew she was a total idiot around Danny sometimes, but she'd kind of hoped that no one knew that but her.
How obvious had she been?
"We're never going to be like him. We'll always be weaker and slower. Ten steps behind him. We'll be the ones getting hurt but he'll heal right up. We can't keep doing this, Sam! Especially when he leaves us in the dark!"
"But we're a team. We've been a team our whole lives, we can't abandon him now."
Tucker shook his head and walked past her, out of the kitchen and down the hall. "Just go home, Sam. You don't get it."
"What don't I get?"
"That he's totally forgetting what it's like to be a normal person, and that one day he's going to get us killed?"
Sam shook her head. "That's not true-"
"Or how about you're hopelessly in love with him and that clouds your judgment? That until you crawl through a burning forest after a guy who can't get hurt will you realize how stupid you've been?"
Sam bristled at that. "Don't call me stupid, Tucker Foley."
"Hey," he said with a mean smile, "It's okay. I was stupid, too, remember?" He pointed at his hair, rubbed his scabbed arms. He turned away and stomped out of the kitchen, calling over his shoulder: "I just figured it out faster than you!"
"You're wrong," she said, chasing him down the dark hallway and to the stairway. She grabbed his arm after he put one foot on the first step. "Look, I know that Halloween was awful. I know Danny didn't do his best. But he understands he was wrong, he blames himself! He's so worried about you-"
"So, you're here for him?" Tucker's angry expression fell. Now he just looked exhausted, and maybe a little sad. "Well, why don't you just leave and report back that I'm fine? 'Don't worry, Danny, the weak link in the group just needs his space.'"
"Tucker, that's not what I meant." Sam sighed and let go. She rubbed her face. Bits of her heavy makeup came away on her pale hands. "I'm here for all three of us. I'm here because I love you both, because I was worried, and because you're avoiding me."
"Of course I am," he snapped.
"But why? Why won't you just talk to me?"
He was quiet for a moment, a storm brewing in his eyes. Then he leaned down and looked her right in the soul.
"Because I think about kissing you, Sam. Every. Fucking. Day."
…
Sam gaped again, completely shocked. She'd never been so shocked - except maybe when they found out Danny was a half-ghost. She closed her mouth, then opened it again to speak, but nothing came out.
She watched him blink, startled by his own admission - as if he never thought he'd actually say it - and then he released a deep, long breath.
A year of tension seemed to flow out of him. He stared over her shoulder, thinking. Then he looked at her, waiting for a reply. When she said nothing, he raised a slightly-amused eyebrow at her dumbstruck expression.
At least he wasn't fuming anymore. But how could anyone make such an earth-shattering declaration to their best friend and stay so calm? She kind of wished he were yelling again.
Wow, she thought. If I thought I was being sneaky about my feelings for Danny, I'm a complete moron compared to Tucker.
He'd never let on. Not even once. Or if he had, she'd never noticed.
In fact, his confession was so out of left field that she wasn't even sure if she could believe it.
"You-?" was all she could squeak out.
Tucker looked at the ceiling, then at his feet, the embarrassment finally kicking in.
"Don't - heh - uh, don't worry, Sam," he stammered out with a nervous laugh. "I get it, I mean, I really do. You love him, you always have. It's no big deal."
"But I-"
"I mean, yours is love love, right? I'm sure mine's just a crush. It'll pass," he assured her. "If I'm being honest, just telling you right now? It kind of… helps. Like it already feels like I can get over it."
"It does?"
"Sure. I mean, I always knew that he's the one for you. That I can't compete. Now it's just… out there. Finally."
She shook her head. "He's not-"
"No, he is." Tucker took a deep breath and then sat on the stairs. Sam stood, frozen on her feet. "Look, remember when we made it out of the woods? I ran to you because I was so, so terrified you'd been hurt. Like my whole body was gonna burst if I didn't hold you. I thought I'd kiss you then, I really did."
Sam had no idea what she would have done.
"You probably would have hit me. It would have gone against consent and your bodily autonomy and all that, which is fair, I guess."
Well, yeah I guess that's what I would have done, she thought.
Sam finally sat down on the stairs next to him, unable to form words. She thought it best to let him speak.
"But wow, you really wanted to see him first." He cringed a bit. "I almost died. I was desperate to see you, and you were looking for him. I saw it on your face."
Sam felt tears welling up behind her eyes, but she wasn't sure why.
"And I guess… that was it. I finally figured it out."
She looked at him. "What?"
"That I'm done."
He said it so sincerely it broke her heart.
"Done with what?" she whispered, afraid of the answer.
Done with ghost hunting? Done with their entire friendship?
Done with her?
He leaned his shoulder against hers. "I'm done loving you. Like that, I mean. Of course I'll always love you in the normal way."
What a whiplash, she thought.
First he tells her that he wants to kiss her, that he's been in love with her - she dared not ask how long - and now he was just done?
Just like that?
"And I can't hangout or hunt ghosts with you and Danny," he continued. "Not now. Not for a while."
Sam was sometimes a selfish person. She liked to get things she wanted, so she couldn't imagine being without Tucker. Even after everything he'd revealed, it didn't change anything. She did love him, in her own way. He was family to her. And even for all his meat-eating, stupid-joke-making, tech-babbling shenanigans, he was always going to be one of her three favorite people in the whole world.
"But I need you," she whispered selfishly with no regret.
Tucker leaned over and pressed his cheek to the top of her head.
"I need you, too," he said. "I still need Danny, even if he sucks."
Sam huffed a sad little laugh. "He doesn't suck…"
"Yeah he does," Tucker joked. "But I do love him."
"Then don't go."
Sam's tears fell, and Tucker felt like an asshole. But he also felt lighter. Life was finally a little softer. Now that she knew, he felt the feelings settle. Solve themselves. Maybe it was just enough that she knew, not that she'd choose him. And maybe he could finally move forward from that.
But he had to move forward alone. At least for now.
"I need a break, girl." He chuckled. Sam sniffled and he held her hand. She felt so cold to him. "I mean… can't you at least give me a break?"
Sam avoided his gaze as she quietly sobbed on the stairs. He pulled her into a hug and she buried her face in his T-shirt, staining it with her two-hundred dollar mascara. He felt like laughing, but it would probably have made her cry harder.
Wow, he loved her. But now… now it was starting to feel like the right kind of love. The easy kind.
The, I'd do anything for you kind, but not the I think about you naked kind.
In the face of her unwavering loyalty to Danny, well… how could he not step away?
Besides, Tucker deserved someone who looked for him first.
And he would find her. Someday.
"Sam," he murmured into her hair. "Come'on, you gotta go home. My parents will be back from bowling soon and they're gonna wonder why you're crying on my staircase."
She wiped her face and took a few shaky breaths.
"I d-don't want to leave a-anything unsaid."
He tilted his head at her. "Like what?"
She swallowed. "I did look for him first. I do love him… but…"
He waited.
"I'm so scared."
"Of what?"
She stared down at her black nails which were chipping. She picked at the paint.
"I'm scared that you're right. That I'm always going to be ten steps behind him. That he won't need me, and then you won't be there either." She pressed her hands to her face and whispered, "And then I'll be all alone."
Tucker couldn't tell her it would all be okay. He wasn't sure it would be. But he hugged her again.
"I know it's selfish. I know you deserve to feel normal and to do whatever you need to do," she added. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," he said. "I get it. But that's why I need a break. Because I'm not sure where I fit in anymore."
Sam didn't want to admit that she felt the same way.
"Okay. Take your break," she said instead and pulled away. "But don't ghost me anymore - and don't make the joke. Danny already did."
Tucker held in his snarky comment.
"Please?" she begged. "Don't shut me out. Take a break from ghost hunting, and I guess from Danny, but not from me."
He gave her a sideways glance. "You realize that I just told you I'm trying to get over being hopelessly in love with you, right?"
"Hey, you said it'll pass," she reminded him. "You made it very clear I'm easy to get over."
He finally laughed. "That's not at all what I said."
"Well, get over me fast," she said, standing up, wiping the last of her tears. "Because sometimes Danny's ghost powers do suck and you're the only other person in the world who knows about them."
He had to give her that.
"I'm leaving," she said, and started pulling on her boots. "I don't want to run into your mom."
"Yeah, she's intense. In a good way."
"I love her," Sam said, "but if she sees me crying I'll never get out of here."
"In a hurry to go?" Tucker asked. "Did some idiot profess his love or something?"
Sam finally laughed too. Was it even remotely possible they could joke about this?
Apparently so.
"Yeah, but he's a lovable idiot."
"They always are."
Tucker opened the door for her and she stepped out into the cold. He reached forward and wiped his thumb down her cheek, just in case a stray tear happened to freeze. She pressed his hand to her face, soaking in the warmth of his palm.
And he couldn't help himself.
"Sam," he whispered. "Please don't hit me."
Tucker leaned down slowly, watching her expression in case a sucker punch was coming his way. She held still, and so he gently pressed his lips to her cold cheek. He may have let them linger near the corner of her mouth, so he could almost taste her lip gloss. He was so much warmer than her, and so Sam closed her eyes and let the moment happen.
But as they stood there, pressed together, all she felt was a little embarrassed, and all he felt was the closing of a chapter that had never really begun.
Tucker finally pulled away and waved her off. "Thanks for not killing me."
"Don't mention it."
"You gonna be okay getting home?"
"Henson is waiting at the next block."
"Good old Henson."
They stood there a moment longer before Sam hopped down the porch stairs and headed down the sidewalk. Before she made it to the street, she turned. He stood with the door half-closed against the cold, and he smiled and raised his hand in an awkward wave. She did the same.
Then he closed the door, and Sam headed for the next block over. He watched her from the kitchen window for as long as she was in sight, and then she was gone.
Tucker flopped into one of the wooden kitchen chairs and put his head on the table. He groaned out a massive noise of frustration, relief, despair, and acceptance. After about ten minutes of contemplating all his life decisions, he pulled his phone out of his pocket.
Danny had texted no less than twelve times in the last few days. Tucker felt a pang of guilt for having let them go unread. He scrolled through a few.
Danny felt guilty, Danny missed him, Danny was getting frustrated and worried because Tucker hadn't texted back.
He set the phone down again.
Not answering those texts went against all his instincts as a best friend. Like if he were treading water and then just... stopped swimming. Part of him really wanted to text back, and he almost did.
But Tucker meant what he said. Now was not the time.
Maybe it was time for him to be just Tucker Foley for a little while. Not Danny Fenton's best friend. Not Phantom's sidekick.
Maybe it was time to do all the normal things he liked to do. Maybe he'd check in with Sam once in a while - once the internal wounds healed up enough.
Yeah. That will have to do for now.
And if Danny were the friend Tucker thought he was then, well… he would wait.
Wouldn't he?
