Chapter Forty-Six: The Fuzz
Beetle dropped down on his floor, watching Lydia fall on her ass amidst the green fog surrounding them. He quickly zapped her back to living dead girl before anyone could see she was a hell of a lot more former than the latter. "Okay, Deetz. Just watch out for me." he commanded her quickly, while he took off in a sprint toward his bedroom.
"What are you doing here, anyway?" Lydia's voice chimed through the hallway, instantly irritating him. He couldn't really bitch at her, however. He didn't have the time.
"I'll tell ya later!" he shouted back, scrambling through his drawers, only to find the top one, which was exactly the one he needed, locked. "Fuck! The KEY! Where did I put that son of a bitch?!" he spat, stumbling about his room, trying to wrack his brain. It had been so damned long ago, and he hadn't really got that far again. He knocked over beer bottles, pulled up the rug, and finally ripped a nudie poster off his wall, his eyes lighting up like he had a Christmas tree shoved up his ass when he found the key taped to the wall behind it. "AH!" he screeched, yanking it off and tripping over his feet on his way to his drawer.
"BJ! I need to talk to you!" Lydia's voice called again from the hallway.
"Hold on Deetz!" he shouted back, scrambling up on his knees and scooting his way to the drawer, getting ready to unlock it.
"BJ! NOW!" he heard Lydia screech one last time, sending him over the edge.
"I SAID HOLD YER TITS, DEETZ!" he yelled, furious that she wouldn't let him just do what he needed to and get the fuck out of there. However, in all his pissed off-ness, he didn't see the threat standing directly behind his oblivious ass.
"What the fuck are you doin' here with that chick, Juice?" Trixy's voice hit him like a ton of bricks.
He winced, slowly looking over his shoulder and standing. She was looking mean as hell, her arms crossed over those big honkers, red nails clacking against her bracelet as she eyed him like he was on the menu.
"I had to get uh, muh wallet. I still have shit here, ya know." he quickly answered, glaring her down and not letting her get the drop on him.
"Are you ready to head back, BJ?" Lydia's voice chimed in from behind Trixy, causing her head to jerk around so quickly, it looked like she'd get whiplash. Sure, he wanted to be ready, but he still didn't have his fucking ring, so that was a no. He glanced down at the six non-working watches on his arm, wondering if he'd get away with juicing Trixy to Saturn.
"He's a grown man. He can say when he's ready, Deetz." Trixy spat, grinning wickedly, all the while causing Beetle's testicles to all but shrivel up and die from the sound of that name on her lips. No. She couldn't have heard him. She then turned back to Beetle himself. "Why does that name sound so familiar? Just what are you doin'?"
He began to panic like a little bitch, though he tried his best to keep a cool exterior. "Where the fuck is my replacement this time? You kick him out, too?" Beetle tried another strategy, which was to completely derail the whole conversation.
"That doesn't concern you." Trixy bit her bottom lip, as she turned back to Lydia, eyeing her up. "Bessy Deetz, huh? Is that why you've been acting so fucking crazy? This broad?! What's so fucking special about her, Juice? There something you're not tellin' me?"
Yeah, she was being a real bitch, but she seemed too focused on him possibly banging another chick long term than his possible escape act. "Uh...Look, I ain't got time for yer shit, Toots. Just let me get muh stuff and get outta yer hair. Ya won't have to look at my mug again. You can fuck Bill and whatever army of desperate pricks ya got lined up behind him, and ya won't have to worry yer little head about MY ass, anymore! I got what I need now, got it?!" he growled in her face, as he glanced at Lydia over her shoulder. She was doing that whole, cute head to the side thing due to what he'd just said, but he couldn't worry about that shit right now. He needed to get the fuck back before those breather cops knocked Lydia's door down.
"I thought you had your shit. You said you got your wallet, asshole! You're lying about something. Typical of your ugly ass! You think you're so damned special. Well, you're not, and neither is she!" Trixy seethed, seeming way more aggressive than normal, and that was when it dawned on him. He'd seen her act this way a long time ago, right before he'd come along and decided to neuter himself and date her evil ass. She'd been dumped when he got chummy with her, and she'd acted just as hostile. It was loud and clear that Bill had kicked her to the curb.
A devilish grin crawled upon Beetle's lips. "Why do you give a shit? Ya got Bill, don't ya?" stepped up to her, leaning down and pressuring her. "Ya DO have him, right?"
"BJ, we should really get going..." Lydia stepped up to him, apparently seeing that things were about to blow. "Please?" she asked, grabbing his arm and trying to lead him away from that evil hooker demon.
And for once, he should have fucking listened to her, because what came next fucked everything up in the worst way possible.
"I said HE can think for himself, you little-" Trixy grabbed Lydia by the wrist, and though Beetle frantically tried to stop the shit that was about to transpire, he was too late. Trixy's eyes grew wide. "W-what the?" she paused, gazing at Lydia like she had three heads. "You're...your'e warm..."
Lydia tried backing away, but Trixy held her tighter, while Beetle grabbed Trixy's hand, prying her off of Lydia. He shoved her away hard.
"S-she's not dead!" Trixy gasped, turning back to Lydia. "You're not dead! You have a pulse! JUICE!" she whipped around to him. "IT'S HER! YOU PIECE OF SHIT! YOU LIED! THAT'S IT FOR YOU, YOU FUCKER!"
"Hey, HEY! I can explain, if you'll just give me a second!" Beetle panicked, hoping he could back pedal out of the massive pile of dinosaur shit he'd landed in.
"BJ! C'mon!" Lydia grabbed him by the arm again, tugging on him frantically.
Trixy turned back to Beetle, slapping him square in the face so hard that for a moment he thought she'd knocked him straight to hell. "You know I got ways of makin' you LEAVE! They'll lock you up and throw away the key!"
"HEY NOW! THIS DON'T CONCERN YER ASS! YOU DON'T GOTTA TURN ME IN!" he screamed in her face.
"Oh, I don't got to, but I'm gonna!" she seethed, pointing a long nail in his face and raging so much she was shaking.
"PLEASE, BJ!" Lydia begged him, now yanking at his arm as hard as she could. "You're going to get arrested!"
"NOT IF I AIN'T HERE, TOOTS! SEE YA IN THE FUNNY PAPERS, YA BIG SKANK!" he finally lost it, shoving Trixy back on her ass, as he yanked Lydia into him, causing her to yelp in fear. "Let's get the fuck outta' here, Deetz!" he snarled, before blasting them both back to her apartment.
..
"What the hell was that all about?" Lydia stumbled against a wall, panting heavily, as her humanly form returned.
"No time. I'll tell ya later." he replied dismissively, pacing about her apartment like he was on the hunt. He wanted to fucking explode, but he didn't have time to do that, either. He glanced at a nearby alarm clock. Luckily, only a few minutes had passed in the breather world, and he saw no sign of the fuzz anywhere. He warily glanced in Lydia's closet, noting that everything was still in place, and that would be fine, if it wasn't for a humongous fucking detail - he didn't have the ring. Without the ring, no forced marriage, and he had the joys of a scorned ex-girlfriend who was probably calling the cops on his ass right about now. "Fuck, I gotta put this shit back..." he hissed regretfully to himself. Lydia was no good to him if she was already in jail before he could even slide a ring on her finger.
"BJ, you're not acting right. Tell me what's wrong. Maybe I can help." Lydia came stepping up to him in that floppy T-shirt and booty shorts, both being really sexy and helpful, and about ten minutes away to a long sentence if he didn't intervene. He had no time to even think about what a massive bastard he'd been to her. He had to do something ASAP.
"I told ya, it's fine, Babe." he chose the horror of all horrors, and that was being all diplomatic and shit about it, just to get her off his back.
"Please? You're kind of freaking me out." Lydia just wouldn't let shit go, and now all he could think about was the cops on either side of existence. Who the fuck would be first? He wouldn't be able to do shit if he was thrown in the pen because of Trixy's spiteful ass.
"I SAID IT'S FINE!" he finally spazzed out again, shoving her out of her bedroom and locking the door.
"BJ! What the hell is going on?" she began to twist the knob, as he grabbed his head, ready to scream.
"It's okay...Pull it together, Juice. Just send the damn stuff back." he panted under his breath, as he opened her closet doors and held out his hands, focusing all his energy into leaving that spot.
His invisible form landed back in the museum just as the cops had left the building. Apparently, they were checking to see if there was an actual robbery before going to Deetz' place, and now, thanks to him, a bunch of cop cars were on their way to that very spot. "Fuck me..." he sighed, slapping his forehead, as he eyed the patrol cars that were staying behind to guard the area. "Okay, focus..." he calmed his mind, snapping his fingers and juicing everything back into place. At least she wouldn't have anything. She couldn't go to jail and doom him to bachelorhood if she didn't have anything to be thrown in there for.
...
"Let me in, BJ! I need to know what's going on!" Lydia's worried voice hit Beetle's ears as he materialized back into her bedroom.
"Fine! Shut up already!" he snapped at her, opening the door abruptly, as it opened while she was mid-knock, causing her to fall into the floor flat on her face.
"BJ! What the fuck are you doing?!" Lydia huffed, her face full of fear as her worried eyes locked with his own, causing him to swallow back that black hole of guilt trying to open up inside himself. Nope. Not today. Not ever, he told himself. He HAD to do this. Guilt was for pussy losers anyway. He had to worry more about going to jail himself at the moment, anyway.
"Just calm the fuck down, it's gonna be fi-" he tried to explain, only to be interrupted mid-sentence by a loud knock on the door. Fuck.
Lydia's brow furrowed, as she turned around, obviously caught off-guard. "What in the hell?'
"I dunno, but I'm out." Beetle quickly said, before poofing back into invisibility mode. She turned back to him, her features growing even more concerned. "I'm still here, Deetz." he rolled his eyes, muttering. He didn't need another situation that would end in her trying to call him back, only to plunk him permanently in the Neitherworld where the cops would roast his ass.
"O-okay..." Lydia appeared to swallow back her fear. He watched as she opened the door, cowering a bit when she was met by a team of police.
"Lydia Deetz. We have a search warrant. We need to come in and check some things out."
