"What the fuck!?"
Those were the first words that left my mouth as I took in my new environment. The last thing I remembered was going to bed, expecting to wake up, have a shower, get dressed and start work the next day as usual. The place where I'd woken up was somewhere completely different – it appeared to be some kind of office, with off-white walls and a green carpet, which I was now lying on, wearing nothing but my underpants.
"Good morning, Sir", came a cheerful sounding voice.
I scrambled to my feet, attempting to get my bearings. The owner of the voice was sat behind a wooden desk, complete with an old-looking computer, telephone, tons of paperwork and even a fax machine. The man himself was unremarkable – quite tall, but thin, clad in a pinstriped suit and bowler hat. He reminded me of the part played by John Cleese in The Ministry of Silly Walks.
"Er, hi?", I said, still completely bewildered.
"You seem rather confused about your present circumstances, Sir. Please, sit", the man behind the desk replied, gesturing to an armchair in front of his desk.
I complied, sitting in the surprisingly comfortable chair, blankly taking in my new environment.
"Tea?" the desk-man asked.
"Er, to be honest, I don't actually like tea."
"Coffee, then?"
"That'd be great, thanks. A quadruple espresso wouldn't go amiss right now."
Desk-man nodded, snapping his fingers, a small cup of strong-looking coffee popping into existence.
I just stared in shock at the clear defiance of the laws of physics, my brain moving at a million miles per hour and getting nowhere.
"Would you mind telling me where I am?", I eventually asked.
"Well, this is my office, clearly", Desk-man replied. "Or at least, the office where I work. Everything here belongs to The Company, naturally."
"The company? Which company?", I asked.
Desk-man blinked, looking at me like I was an idiot. "The omnipotent, extradimensional entity known simply as, 'The Company'?", he said.
I was confused for a few seconds, confusion giving way to horror as I realised what he was talking about.
"Oh fuck… you're talking about the Waifu Catalogue Company, aren't you?" I replied, trying not to hyperventilate. "I know how these things start. I died, didn't I?"
"Sir, please try to calm down", Desk-man said, sounding sympathetic. "Maybe drinking your coffee would help?"
I nodded, trying my espresso. I had to admit, it was by far the best coffee I could ever remember tasting, incredibly strong without being bitter.
"Delicious, isn't it?" Desk-man said, smiling. "Faerie feast has a broad range of applications, as it turns out. Totally wasted as a lure, if you ask me."
I just nodded in response.
"To answer your earlier question Sir; no, you have not died. I promise, the original you is still alive and kicking."
"Original?", I asked.
"Quite simply, Sir, there just aren't enough deaths happening these days to meet demand. With improvements in medicine, and traffic safety, there aren't enough people being 'truck-kunned', as it were, to keep the shareholders happy. Thus the board felt it necessary to start, well… copying people."
"Oh…" I trailed off. I guess being a clone was better than being dead. "I suppose I need to create a build now, don't I?"
"That would be prudent, Sir", Desk-man replied, handing me a Company device, it looking completely out of place in an early 90's style office, before turning back to his computer.
I just stared blankly at the screen, overwhelmed by all the choices. I had seen other people's builds in various pieces of internet fiction, but I'd never considered making one myself.
"You seem to be struggling Sir."
"To be frank, this stuff might as well be written in Sanskrit. I don't watch anime or anything. Most of the worlds in here I've never even heard of."
"Perhaps you'd appreciate some help?", Desk-man offered. I just nodded.
"First things first; which fictional worlds are you most familiar with?"
"Warhammer 40,000, probably." I could answer that at least.
"Hmm, well that might be a bit overwhelming for a new contractor. It has a danger rating of 10."
Not off to a great start, then. "What about Star Wars?"
"Ah, well the original trilogy has a danger rating of 4, netting you a starting budget of 140 Credits."
I nodded, looking at the Star Wars drop-down menu.
"Why does the prequel trilogy have a danger rating of 5?" I asked.
"I'm not entirely sure, Sir. Probably something to do with the Clone Wars. Or perhaps it's due to the presence of the Jedi? I can't imagine they'd look too kindly on you capturing people to become part of your personal harem", Desk-man said as if it was the most reasonable thing in the world.
Now that was a strange thought; I'd actually have a harem… eventually… assuming I didn't die before then.
"On the other hand Sir, there are only around 10,000 Jedi to worry about, in a galaxy of quadrillions. And it would grant you a substantially higher budget of 225 Credits."
Not to mention all those Jedi could potentially be captured. Even those I didn't plan to eventually shag could either be sold, or set as familiars.
"Let's go with the prequels, then."
"Very good, Sir. The next thing to do is to choose your intensity rating."
I frowned, selecting the next tab. I wasn't overly worried about minmaxing, but I really didn't want to make things any harder for myself than they needed to be.
"If I were you, Sir, I would choose Legacy Difficulty. You can't go wrong with that, and it's what the vast majority of our contractors choose."
I agreed, selecting Legacy Difficulty, before clicking on the origin tab.
"So by default, I'll just end up in Star Wars as I am now?" I asked.
"That is correct, Sir", Desk-man replied. "Of course, that assumes you purchase nothing to alter your body, such as Body Tune-up."
I nodded, intrigued by the 'Possess' option.
"If I choose Possess, does it have to be someone from Star Wars?"
"Not at all, Sir. Possess is rather flexible in that regard; you may choose any character, named or generic, in the Companions tab, and your mind will be assumed into their body when you arrive."
"So if I were to choose to possess, say, a Space Marine…" I said, grinning.
"Then you would have the body of a genetically-engineered supersoldier, without going through the incredibly painful process that would normally be required, Sir." Desk-man said, finishing my sentence. "Though I feel impelled to advise you that there may be other, even stronger individuals also at tier 5, if you felt like searching."
I didn't feel like searching. "So what stuff would I have when I arrive? Would it just be power armour and bolter, or would I be naked?"
"Oh no, you would, at the bare minimum, have a normal set of clothes, resized to fit your enlarged frame, Sir. As a matter of fact, I believe Warhammer 40,000 has a couple of setting specific rules…" Desk-man trailed off, looking through the mountain of papers on his desk. After a couple of minutes he found what he was looking for. "Ah, yes. If you choose to possess a Space Marine, you can also choose what gene-seed the Space Marine has, as well as what weapons, armour and other gear they – or rather, you - would have. However it must be something they would actually use in-universe, and it cannot be anything that would change their tier."
"Well… actually, do you have a pen and paper I can use?" I asked.
Desk-man rummaged around his desk, before handing me both.
"It's probably easier to write down everything I want", I explained, before trying to think of everything I could possibly need.
After a couple of minutes of scribbling, I gave my list to Desk-man, looking increasingly bemused as he read it.
"You wish to be a Primaris Space Marine, of the Sons of Antaeus chapter, equipped with a plasma incinerator, plasma pistol, force staff, force sword, storm shield, psychic hood, Tartaros-pattern terminator armour, and an iron halo?" He said, frowning.
"Er, yeah?" I said, worried at Desk-man's expression. "I couldn't find a generic Space Marine librarian, so I thought I could choose a regular Space Marine and then template stack a psyker. That's what the hood and staff are for. Plus, I'm pretty sure some new lore confirmed Primaris Marines can wear terminator armour."
"Do you want the kitchen sink as well?", Desk-man asked.
I actually laughed at that, despite the situation I was in.
"All jokes aside, Sir, I find it rather implausible that a Cursed-founding chapter would have access to such a rare suit of armour, though I suppose it's not absolutely impossible. A rather more pressing issue is that everything written here would almost certainly bump you up to tier 6."
My heart sank like a lead balloon when he said that.
"Unless you'd rather choose to possess something else, Sir, you could either give yourself a more reasonable set of equipment, or possess a generic Space Marine veteran, which is tier 6. Since the gaps between tiers grow larger at higher numbers, you could have all that without going up to tier 7, and be even stronger to boot, though it would cost you an extra 30 credits."
"Well… oh sod it, I'll possess the Space Marine veteran, it's not like I'll ever have this opportunity again. I can always get more credits from capturing people anyway."
"I dare say that's the whole point of the Waifu Catalogue, Sir."
I just nodded, turning back to the device. After a few minutes of contemplating what else to buy, a thought came to me.
"If I Template Stack someone, do I get their knowledge as well?"
"Yes, Sir. I recall earlier you mentioned Template Stacking a psyker – if you choose to do that, you will have all the knowledge of any Warp abilities they would have, as well as any rituals they would know, though with your powers being scaled down to tier 4, you may not be able to use them straight away."
Knowing that, I choose to Template Stack Ahriman, figuring he'd know more than anyone except Magnus after he became a daemon, which wasn't an option, or the Emperor of Mankind, whose knowledge was probably less relevant.
"I should point out, Sir", Desk-man interjected, peering at my device, "that Template Stacking will also grant you the template's most relevant equipment."
"Oh… well that's good, right? Ahriman's staff is bound to be miles better than some random force staff. I don't think his armour is anything special though, so I'll stick with the terminator armour."
I selected the defences tab, having already accepted that I'd be doing some… questionable things with the Warp, or the Force, assuming they weren't just different names for the same thing. I vaguely remembered reading that you could qualify for rebates depending on who you had in your retinue. Not that I knew who I was going to buy yet, so I didn't think about it.
As I considered what else I'd need, I realised there was something else I wanted to ask Desk-man while I had the chance.
"So, the Company just chooses people to gradually become gods, build up harems and stuff, right?"
"Indeed it does, Sir", Desk-man replied, "Though you already knew that, so there must be more to your question."
"Why?" I asked. "You mentioned the Company having a board of directors, and shareholders; what are they hoping to get out of all this? How do you even become a shareholder, anyway? I don't imagine the Company is listed on the London stock exchange."
"To be completely honest Sir, I have no idea. That is something I've often discussed with my colleagues, on the rare occasions I get to meet them. My own theory is that contractors provide nothing more than entertainment for the board and shareholders, though I have no evidence to support or refute it."
I fully expected that to be the answer, yet I was still disappointed to hear it.
"Answer this as least; what do you get out of this arrangement? You've helped me, some random person you've never met and will likely never meet again, create my build. Why? Do you get paid? If so, with what?"
"I help you because it's my job, Sir", Desk-man said with a raised eyebrow. He leaned forward, looking at me intently. "There's something you need to know about the Company; it is not on the same plane of existence as your former home, or anyone else's home for that matter. It exists within its own infinite bubble, disconnected from the wider multiverse in both space and time. As for myself… I have worked for the Company for tens of thousands of years, Sir, in a variety of roles. As soon as we are finished today, I will go home, which by now consists of my own dyson sphere, inhabited by quintillions of people of hundreds of different sapient races. When I get there, I will be tended by my own personal harem, which itself numbers in the millions, and with whom I have sired tens of millions of children. They will cater to every need, whim and desire that you could possibly think of, as well as quite few that you couldn't. The only thing they can't do is fulfil my need for a higher purpose. Which is why I am here, working a few hours a week in this office, helping individuals like yourself create their builds."
My jaw hung open as I took in Desk-man's words, struggling to believe them despite knowing they were probably true. Aware I was in the presence of someone who predated human civilisation, I asked, "You have all that… and yet you choose to work here, in a completely mundane office, just so you have a reason to get up in the morning?"
"Nothing about the Company, or its property, is mundane, Sir. But yes."
I tried to distract myself from the newfound shock by finishing my build. Though I'd soon be occupying the body of a Space Marine, I wasn't exactly a born fighter, so I wanted someone who could defend themselves. My first thought was Samus Aran, but I'd never played any Metroid games and knew nothing about them beyond the fact the main protagonist was a woman called Samus Aran. I couldn't think of anyone from Warhammer other than Sisters of Battle or Eldar either, the former being 'mere' normal humans in power armour, and the latter too expensive. Though… what about Halo? I didn't know it very well, but I knew there were female Spartans, which were the same tier as Sisters of Battle despite being much stronger. They may have had no sex drive, but that could be fixed with Body Tune-up, which I was going to buy anyway… Now that I thought of it, what about Cortana? I'd be surprised if there was anything in Star Wars she couldn't hack.
With that done, I examined my finished build. Ideally, I'd have soul and corruption defence, but I figured Ahriman's knowledge would allow me to know what not to do in the meantime, and I couldn't imagine it would be that hard stamping a few Jedi for credits.
"What do you think of this?" I said, handing the Device to Desk-man.
"No lures?", he asked, sounding surprised.
"I reckon it'll be easier to just overpower any potential stampees. Or do it while they're asleep or unconscious or something. I can probably use the Warp for that, right?"
"How romantic", Desk-man said with a smirk. "Well, are you ready? Once you leave here, you won't be able to change your build without acquiring more Credits."
"Actually, one more thing; as I'm starting in Star Wars, can I choose where and when I'll start? Or is it just random?"
"I believe it would normally be near to significant events, but…", Desk-man looked thoughtful. "Well, I've rather enjoyed helping you today, Sir. You've certainly been far more polite than most, so I'll let you choose."
I wasn't thrilled about having to make another important decision – I'd done far too much thinking today as it was – but 'significant events' could include the middle of battles for all I knew. After a few more minutes, and downing the rest of my lukewarm espresso, I had a brainwave.
"Put me on Tatooine, just prior to The Phantom Menace", I said, feeling a bit smug. Hardly a paradise, but there was nothing my soon-to-be new self couldn't handle. More importantly, it was well away from the prying eyes of Palpatine or the Jedi, and I could think of four rather valuable individuals I could stamp in short order.
"Very good, Sir. Are you ready to start your new life then?"
"Ready as I'll ever be", I said, feeling hopeful for the first time today.
"Goodbye then, Sir. May your future be bright, and your ventures profitable", Desk-man said, as he pushed a button under his desk. I swore aloud as I felt like I was being sucked through a straw, Desk-man's office rapidly receding from view above me, before everything went black.
AN:
So this is not only the first time I've tried writing in first-person since I was in school, but also my first ever attempt at writing smut. Thus, constructive criticism is welcome. I've already written the first few chapters, and I'll be posting them here over the next few days.
I realise a Star Wars WC fic isn't the most original thing in the world, but I mainly just wanted to write a Space Marine in another universe fic. Star Wars is one of the few universes I know well enough to write a story in.
A couple of other points:
I'll be treating the Force = the Warp, as well as any other kinds of magic if/when the MC visits other worlds as long as it makes sense. This is mainly due to avoid things like 'the MC is invisible in the Force since he has no midichlorians!' and other such silliness.
Despite Universal Calibration, there won't be any gender-swapping. Mentally, I wouldn't be able to think of any gender-swapped individuals as not being the 'original' gender, despite the 'original' never having existed in that timeline.
I won't claim that the build is in any way optimal. Minmaxing, while fun, is not really the point of the WC as a writing tool.
A Space Marine normally wouldn't have a sex drive, however it says on the WC website that Body Tune-Up will restore a Spartan's sex drive, so I figured it would apply to a Space Marine as well.
For anyone wondering what my build is:
World
Name:Star Wars
Condition: Disney- Prequels Trilogy
Rating: 5 (225)
Difficulty
Legacy Difficulty
Origin
You as Space Marine Veteran (Possess) of T6 [Transhuman]
Binding & Lure
Bindings:
[ Company Stamp ]
Lures:
No Lures
Other Controls:
No Other Controls
Heritage ( Your tier - T6 )
No Heritage
Talents & Perks
Ride:
No Ride
Home:
[ Pocket Space ]
Talents:
[ Body Tune-Up, Soul, Martial, Template Stacking I (You as Space Marine Veteran has Ahzek Ahriman (Warhammer 40k)) ]
Defenses:
[ Body, Information, Stress, Mind, Possession ]
Misc:
[ Universal Calibration, Sexual Calibration, Fertility Calibration I, Memoria ]
Generic:
No Generic Perks
Waifu:
No Waifu Perks
Companions
Kelly-87 (T5) from Halo
Cortana (T6) from Halo
2 Credits remaining
