It was a fantastic evening in Naplan's Stadium of the Sacred Flame as the good news had spread far and wide. Sounds of merriment were already coming from the Stadium's Inn's open doorway, all celebrating the return of Kachina from the Night Kingdom. However, despite the flow of food and merriment, the guest of honor had not yet arrived at the evening's celebration.
Kachina swallowed nervously as she stood in her guest room, trying to muster up the courage to open the thick wooden door to the inn's main area. The heavy oak did its best to dampen the noise of the party, but Kashina could still easily make out the sounds. She knew that outside all of her friends were waiting for a happy Kachina to arrive so that they could properly celebrate their fifth returning triumphant warrior. The only problem was that there wasn't a happy Kachina behind that door, there was a panicking miserable Kachina who wanted to do nothing more than curl up in her bed, cuddle with her pillow, and try to forget everything that had happened.
The most frustrating part was that it wasn't even an exaggeration, she had spent most of the afternoon of her return sitting at the end of the guest suite's bed hugging her knees to her chest and trying to ignore the outside world. Even at the best of times, she disliked being the centre of attention, but with everything else that had happened piled on top, she felt like she just wanted to scream and hide. Everything felt like it was just too much. Fears and memories kept slamming into her mind, taking away her ability to feel even a second of peace, and she didn't know how she was going to pull herself together long enough for the evening's celebration. It had been an almost impossible task just to stand up and step towards the door, the mere idea of opening it seemed absurd.
For what felt like the tenth time she reached her hand out to the door handle and willed herself to open it, but instead, she could feel herself tremble and shake. She was meant to be Uthabiti, but right in that moment she didn't feel resilient in the slightest. A resilient person wouldn't want to hide in bed crying after being saved. They should be able to stand high and proud without being affected at all by what happened, and yet she couldn't. She was a mess, and she didn't know how to fix it. If she was asked at that moment what the issue was, she doubted she would even be able to even describe it. All she knew was that there was an issue and she couldn't make it go away. However, she also knew that she couldn't keep hiding in the guest room, no matter how she felt she could let down everyone.
"You can do this," Kachina told herself stubbornly as she gritted her teeth and took two careful deep breaths. They had almost no effect, but she knew that she couldn't delay any longer. So it was with a fair amount of concern that she pushed down the panic and fear and did her best to put a happy smile on her face. The others needed to celebrate her return, to ruin their plans just because she was feeling off wasn't something she would allow. So she just had to be what they needed her to be, even if she wasn't. "Just live up to the name they gave you and prove that you're better than this. You are resilient, you are Uthabiti!"
Kachina grasped the handle in her hand and pulled the door open, finally holding enough of herself together to play the role they needed. However whatever plan she had was instantly forgotten as she locked eyes with the Pyro Archon who was waiting in the hallway, her arms crossed as she leaned against the wall. "M-Mavuika, you're waiting for me?" Kachina stumbled nervously over her words as her facade struggled to stay up for her archon. She knew that Mavuika could almost certainly see right through any attempt at deception, but she still had to make the effort to not seem entirely pathetic. "S-sorry for keeping you waiting so long."
"Don't apologise for that," Mavuika chuckled, stepping closer and putting a hand on her shoulder. Kachina had always known that the pyro archon was approachable, and had even talked with her a few times in the past, but this time it was different. This time Kachina didn't get the same warm comfort from the contact, she felt a strange sense of bitterness instead. Mavuika however seemed happy to see her, "You're the guest of honor tonight, we can patiently wait for our warrior to be ready."
"You shouldn't need to waste your time waiting for me to be ready," Kachina couldn't stop herself from letting out a sigh as her gaze dropped to the ground. Her ears were already beginning to take on a red tint as she felt ashamed of not already being at the feast, "I'm meant to be Uthabiti, moping like a child isn't exactly living up to that. I am meant to be better than this."
"You're setting yourself an unreachable goal," Mavuika told her gently as she knelt down, putting a finger under Kachina's chin to push her gaze back up to meet her own. "Your resilient nature doesn't stop you from feeling what you do, from suffering as you have. In much the same way that bravery isn't the inability to feel fear but instead to act despite your fear; resilience isn't the inability to suffer but instead the ability to push past it and continue on when most would break."
The contact was too much and Kachina wanted to do nothing more than shove Mavuika's hand away, slam the door in her archon's face, and go hide. Of course, to actually do so would be immensely disrespectful so instead Kachina just gently pushed Mavuika's hand away from her face, her hand shaking as she did so. She tried to subtly rub away the moisture that had gathered in the corners of her eyes, wanting to at least pretend her vision wasn't blurring from tears. The pyro archon pretended not to notice, moving her hand back to Kachina's shoulder and waiting patiently for Kachina to be ready for her to continue.
"To live up to your ancient name is not to never be affected by what happened to you, it is your ability to continue even when you are." Mavuika reiterated, "This is something that you have demonstrated to all of us this last week. You're the youngest we've ever had on the battlefield by quite a few years and how you fell in battle was not an easy experience. Not that falling is ever easy."
"I shouldn't have fallen at all," Kachina muttered quietly to herself. "I should have been stronger."
"I talked to Iansan and the others in your team about what happened, and they all most certainly would disagree with that." Mavuika smiled, "Iansan told me that the two of you determined that it was the best option to ensure that the five of you would be triumphant over the Abyss. However, that plan was also risky and you both knew that there was a high chance of both of you dying even if you succeeded. You should feel no fault in what happened, I am proud that you were a true warrior who did what she had to in order to bring Natlan victory."
Kachina couldn't bring herself to look at Mavuika, she didn't know how to respond to such words of praise from her archon. Her actions were not something that should be celebrated, if they had just gotten a better warrior to take her role then no one would have fallen to the Night Kingdom and Mavuika wouldn't have needed to give up so many valuable past mementos to save her. Kachina opened her mouth to respond, to try and make up a reason for why Mavuika shouldn't heap so much praise on her, but she couldn't make a sound.
Mavuika took the silence as a chance to help. "Right now you have been through things that few others have ever had to go through. You were not just lost in the Night Kingdom, the Abyss wanted to make you suffer while you were down there and break your spirit."
"They nearly did," Katrina couldn't stop herself blurting out, trying to ignore that her vision was beginning to blur again as tears welled up in her eyes. She didn't know why she was crying again, but she did know that she didn't like it and she couldn't stop herself from doing it.
"Yes, they did get close." Mavuika pulled Kachina into a hug, letting the smaller girl collapse into the embrace as Kachina's strength left her. "However you persevered and survived everything they threw at you. You have shown that you are Uthabiti, but that doesn't mean that you don't need to heal. You can bleed just as easily as the rest of us, after all. So let yourself feel how you want to feel, and be proud of your strength. Perhaps tonight you could let yourself be happy and tomorrow let yourself heal."
"T-thank you," Kachina mumbled, her face buried into the side of Mavuika's neck as she felt herself cry. She felt absolutely overwhelmed by something that should have been small, but she couldn't stop it. A small part of her felt mortified that she was clinging to the archon and sobbing, but most of her was accepting that she needed the help. She couldn't explain why she felt so poor, the best description she could provide was just that there was too much of everything and her mind was not coping well. She wanted to be stronger, she wanted to live up to her name, and yet she was so very far from it. She just wanted things to stop for a bit so she could catch up with reality.
"No, thank you, Kachina," Mavuika told her gently, pulling away from the small warrior and brushing a few stray hairs away from the teary-eyed girl's face. "You are a hero warrior to me and you deserve to be thanked."
"T-thank you," Kachina managed to splutter out as she took the chance to rub her eyes and try to get rid of the last of the tears. She felt rotten inside, but she knew that spending the evening monopolizing the archon's time wasn't going to be allowed. So she swallowed her feelings as best she could and did her best to look strong; embarrassment beginning to grow as the reality that she had allowed herself to look so incredibly weak in front of Mavuika made itself known. Doing her best to be serious she dried her eyes and returned her attention to the pyro archon. "Was there anything else you needed?"
"What I need?" A strange expression crossed over Mavuika's face, but it was gone before Kachine could work out what it meant. Mavuika shook her head and gave a smile, "We just need our guest of honor to enjoy herself. Now come on, I know that Pacal has got a speech waiting for you."
The celebration started well, everyone was incredibly welcoming to Kachina and she did find herself beginning to genuinely enjoy the party. Pacal's speech was a wonderful confidence boost, and everyone seemed determined to shower her with praise. He was especially nice and practically wrapped her into a ridiculously tight hug and refused to let go for almost a solid minute.
Mualani's response had been thankfully a lot more subdued, mostly because she had helped save Kachina in the first place. Despite that, there were still a few hints of happy tears building in the corners of her eyes as she welcomed her in. Even the warriors who had left her team to join another team leader had welcomed her with open arms, and a touch of guilt. Kachina couldn't stop herself from taking a small amount of guilty pleasure in knowing that they had not been able to compete at all. To know that their team leader got too drunk to compete and ended up getting their team disqualified, even though they left her to increase their chances to compete, was a nice amount of dramatic irony that she could appreciate.
The traveler and Paimon were there as well and even spent some of their time checking in on her to make sure she was feeling well. They were very kind and Kachina didn't know where to begin in singing their praises. However, Paimon did seem more than a little concerned for her well-being.
"I've been through so much all at once." Kachina admitted nervously after Paimon voiced her concern, "Everything still feels like a dream."
"Are you still feeling unwell?" Paimon asked with a frown.
"Nope, all better now!" Kachina quickly responded, the frown on Paimon's face was so absolutely adorable that Kachina couldn't stop herself from trying her best to reassure the flying fairy. "Hehe, I told you I bounce back pretty quick. So don't worry about me."
Thankfully it seemed to cheer up Paimon, and the traveller seemed equally reassured to know that she was doing so well. It wasn't even a white lie, with the happiness of the party and the compliments flowing Kachina was able to honestly say that she was feeling great. Sure, she knew that the good feelings would probably fade and she wouldn't be in the best mood over the next few days, but right at that moment, everything was going great. Even if there was a small voice in the back of her head still trying to bring down her mood. However, the compliments definitely helped quiet that voice to just a persistent whisper.
With the speeches done and having finally personally greeted everyone who had turned up, Kachina was finally able to dig into the feast and enjoy getting a decent feed. Almost a week of no food, thanks to being stuck in the Night Kingdom, had definitely made her more than a little peckish. While Chuychu had made sure that Kachina ate plenty of lunch to regain her strength on her return, that didn't mean that she hadn't built up a pretty strong appetite. So she made sure to pile her plate full of enough food to make even Paimon question Kachina's life choices, it was absolute bliss.
"Having fun?"
Kachina jumped at the sudden voice from behind her, turning to see Pacal sitting at the bar, a glass of something suspicious amber-coloured in his hand. She rolled her eyes, "Did they let you get into the booze?"
"Nah, they figured it only made sense to make this a dry night." Pacal laughed, holding the glass closer so that she could see the carbonation bubbles floating at the top of the amber liquid. "This is just cider. I promise. No alcohol tonight."
"I'm pretty sure I told them that I was okay with the others drinking," Kachina rolled her eyes, "I know how much livelier a party becomes when the spirits flow. I may not love it, but it's not like I mind being around it."
In truth the Inn's staff had been absolutely wonderful when they were planning the celebration, being very quick to ask her questions before letting her rest in peace. Really most of their questions had passed on a blur and she wasn't sure how well she answered anything. So Kachina wasn't sure if she actually had told them anything about alcohol at all, she wouldn't be surprised if it being a dry night had actually been Pacal's choice.
"The celebration is meant to be for you," Pacal reminded her with a laugh, "not an excuse to get hammered. We can do that any night of the week, but we can only celebrate our youngest warrior's return tonight."
"Maybe we'll get to do this again next pilgrimage," Katrina knew perfectly well that there could very well not be another but Mavuika had sworn them all to secrecy. "If I did it once, surely I'll be strong enough to do it again."
"Your folks might ask you to pause those plans a bit," Pacal pointed out with a bit of a grimace, "they weren't all that happy to hear that you might not come home. So they might be a touch protective for a bit."
Kachina couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes, it had taken her years to stop them following her to training and interjecting whenever it got too violent. She loved her family, but they really had not fully embraced her getting an ancient name, so she wasn't exactly happy to hear that all of that progress was probably rolled back to step one. She knew that they would have been horrified to know that she nearly entered the Pilgrimage as a solo entrant. Still, it wasn't like it was all that unexpected. Even Mualani was probably going to be overprotective after this mess.
"Speaking of your family, they are sorry that they weren't able to make it down this evening. However, they have assured me that the tribe will want to celebrate their warrior's triumphant return. So you have that to look forward to." Pacal told her apologetically, though they both knew that the words were more than a little hollow.
"That's great to hear," Kachina lied through her teeth, feeling a spike in anger that they would skip her success. A part of her was surprised at the anger that she was feeling and she quickly pushed away the flash of anger as best as she could, this was meant to be a happy party and she wasn't going to ruin it with a childish outburst. Thankfully Pacal picked up on the awkwardness and quickly made an excuse to leave her to her feast.
She didn't believe for a second that her parents weren't able to attend because of anything else more urgent, more than likely they were just nervous wrecks who knew that their presence would just make her even more stressed out. Sure, they had come around to supporting her to become a warrior, however, that support had been more than a little too conditional for her liking. They knew that she was socially obligated to compete, but they definitely would have preferred if it was just performative and getting out in the first round. In the end, keeping their distance was the only way they really knew how to show their support. While she didn't exactly like it, she did understand it.
She still wished that they could have been there for at least the feast. She had brought a lot of prestige to her family name, something that her family had needed for quite a long time. They weren't all that popular in the tribe, and no true success tied to them in the last two generations. Though Kachina suspected that that had now changed for the better.
An hour later she was absolutely stuffed and she was questioning whether that sixth plate of food was really such a smart idea. She knew that if she'd gone for a seventh her stomach would seriously explode. The good news was that she had made sure that she wasn't the only one suffering.
"This was a mistake."
Kachina looked up from her hot chocolate to see Iansan looking even more worse for wear, the older warrior had tried to keep up with her appetite but Kachina had proven herself and been truly victorious. She wondered if tomorrow there would be tales about the brave warrior who was defeated by dinner and poor self-control. Iansan had spent so many years training Kachina. So maybe one day she would become the true master and help Iansan learn the art of absolutely eating way too much. Okay, maybe not.
"What's life but many mistakes?" Kachina laughed as she pulled herself out of her chair wanting to see if Mualani was up for a dance. She had a lot of energy to get rid of, after all, maybe a few rounds of breaking would empty her stomach enough to try some cake. "You want to join in a dance?"
"I'm done for the night," Iansan almost looked sick at the prospect. "No idea how you can dance after eating that much. I think I need to just sit here and let it digest for the next hour at least."
"Your loss." Kachina couldn't help snickering and her misfortune. Iansan had been so sure that they could beat Kachina when they first started, it was time her hubris knocked her down to Kachina's level for a bit.
"Hang on, before you go," Iansan quickly sat up and beckoned Kachina over. "Before you head back to your tribe tomorrow, I'd love it if we could meet up for breakfast."
"Sure, I guess," Kachina felt like there was something else that Iansan wanted to say, but she could already hear the dance floor metaphorically calling her. She could also hear Mualani literally calling her. So she just gave her a quick nod of agreement before turning her focus to the dance floor to really show the others what she could do.
Sure some might question whether it was a good idea to pull off a flip after eating so much food, but Kachina was never one to worry about such minor things when there was breaking to do. After all, it barely counted as dancing unless there was at least a halo or critical thrown in, and she was going to make sure that the traveler would see a real dance.
Half an hour later even Kachina would admit that it had been a bit of a mistake. Her sugar buzz had not lasted anywhere near as long as she hoped and she had soon found herself slouching in one of the bar chairs trying to not let herself yawn too loudly. Of course, she had utterly failed at being subtle and she soon had company.
"You look super sleepy!" Paimon blurted out, with absolutely no attempt to sugarcoat her words, as she floated over. The traveler glanced over their way just long enough to shoot Paimon a glare of disappointment before returning their focus back to their conversation with Mualani and Kinich. Paimon naturally stuck her tongue out in response. "Seriously though, you look kinda tired."
"I do feel tired," Kachina yawned with a smile, the celebration had been fun, albeit also very tiring. She really just wanted to do nothing more than collapse in bed and ignore the world for a week. "I should be fine."
"I don't think anyone will mind if you want to have an early night," Paimon floated a little closer, and gave Kachina her best smile, "it has been a really long day for you, after all."
"I can stay awake," Kachina tried to convince Paimon before yawning loudly. "Okay maybe getting some sleep might be a good idea soon."
"You're not the only sleepy one here," Paimon's eyelids were also starting to droop, "So don't feel bad about wanting a bit of shut-eye. I'm probably going to leave Pacal to deal with the traveler and catch up on my beauty sleep, it takes a lot of nap time to keep up this perfect complexion you know."
"Really?" Kachina couldn't help but doubt the truth of that statement, "are you sure it isn't magic or something."
Paimon paused and scrunched up her face, before shrugging. "You know what, I have no idea. However, eating yummy food and sleeping in has not been a problem so far so why ruin a good thing."
Kachina couldn't stop herself from letting out another loud yawn, too sleepy to even bother covering her mouth. "Okay you win, I'm going to bed."
Paimon looked far too proud of herself and suddenly looked a lot less tired as she quickly flew off. However, Kachina was too tired to care as she wandered back to her guest suite and collapsed onto the bed, too tired to even bother getting changed or climb under the covers. That night she did not sleep well.
The sun had risen into the sky and Kachina could not care in the slightest as she lay curled up on the bed enjoying the chance to properly sleep in. She hadn't had that much of a chance to sleep in the Night Kingdom, Wayob's protection had only stretched so far. So she had only gotten a short nap before the feast and by the end of the night, she really had been running on fumes. Sure, she had a lot of fun that night, but that didn't mean that sleep wasn't an absolute necessity. Unfortunately, she hadn't exactly had an excellent sleep, waking up more than a few times in a cold sweat feeling like her heart wanted to escape through her rib cage. It was more than a little frustrating that she couldn't even properly remember what she had been dreaming about that stopped her from sleeping.
So it was a slightly sleepy Kachina that finally awoke enough to roll over and check the time, only to realize that she had promised to meet with Iansan half an hour ago. Suddenly feeling a lot more awake she dragged herself out of bed and jumped into the ensuite to quickly clean up, nearly tripping over her own feel in the rush to get ready.
Pausing as she caught sight of herself in the mirror, she couldn't stop frowning as she realized that she had managed to sleep in her day clothes. No wonder it had been such an uncomfortable sleep. She didn't have any time to berate herself though, knowing she needed to rush if she didn't want to be any later than she already was. She was a little remorseful that she couldn't have a properly lazy bath instead of a rushed shower, but she knew Iansan was probably already waiting for her.
Ten minutes later, and with her hair still more than a little damp, Kachina rushed into the Inn's bar to see Iansan patiently waiting for her.
"Slept in?" Iansan teased as they took another sip of their coffee.
"Sorry," Kachina tried to apologize, a blush quickly appearing from her embarrassment. "I didn't set an alarm."
"I'm just teasing. If anyone deserves a good nap it is you after this week," Iansan laughed as she pushed the menu over to Kachina, "feel free to order whatever you want. I would cover for you, but our dear archon is already footing the bill."
Kachina's appetite had returned with a vengeance and she quickly ordered what was probably far too much, however, Iansan only encouraged her to order extra. "You need to build back up your energy reserves" she insisted, Kachina didn't disagree, despite how much she had yesterday she still somehow felt ridiculously hungry.
"Did you manage to get a good sleep?" Iansan asked hesitantly, "It's okay if you don't, our minds can be our greatest enemy."
"I slept like a rock," Kachina lied, she felt more than a little offended that Iansan thought she would be having nightmares like a child. However, she was more than a little annoyed that Iansan was also correct. "I kinda didn't get much of a chance to sleep in the Night Kingdom as Wayob could only protect me so much in their state. So I was out as soon as I got to bed."
"Hmm, well make sure you get plenty of rest this week," Iansan frowned into her coffee, "it wouldn't do for you to neglect sleep."
"I'll be fine," she huffed as her coffee finally arrived, though the drink was more ice cream and sugar than caffeinated. Unfortunately, she hadn't even managed to take a sip of her coffee before she let out a loud yawn, not even having a chance to properly cover her mouth. She scowled at herself for not getting an extra shot of coffee.
"Are you feeling okay," Iansan asked hesitantly, "nothing feeling off or painful,"
"It's fine, I feel good," Kachina couldn't stop herself from throwing a glare at Iansan every time they implied she was weak. She was Uthabiti, she was destined to be fine.
"The phantom pains are gone I hope," Iansan asked carefully, her eyes flicking down to Kachina's neck with a shadow of a grimace. "I remember the first time I fell. I was still feeling things for a month after my return. Do you feel anything off?"
"A little? I don't really know what you mean." In truth, Kachina entirely knew what Iansan meant, her throat felt like there was a constant bruising pressure that just didn't seem to want to go away no matter how much she tried to rub it better. Sometimes it even felt like her throat was obstructed and that she couldn't breathe properly. "Chuychu said that I was lucky. The spear's blade was not tainted much and was a reasonably clean cut, so no permanent damage was taken."
"That doesn't stop the pain," Iansan pointed out with a snort, "getting stabbed hurts a lot. However, I personally know that dying hurts more."
"It's just pain, and I knew it would hurt," Kachina finally hesitantly admitted, "You know that I've been badly hurt in a lot of previous pilgrimages, it's obviously not pleasant but it's something that I am normally able to handle..."
Kachina fell into silence as her mind pulled in memories of her death, the feeling of cold metal sliding into her flesh. She had felt so weak and cold, that she remembered looking down and seeing her hands stained in her own blood. She shook her head before shifting to press herself deeper into Iansan's arms, thankful that their similar height made it a lot less awkward than when she had been clinging to the archon the previous evening.
"This time was different, wasn't it?" Iansan gently prompted her, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her deeper into the embrace. "It was more than just an injury. To go over the edge of life and feel it drain away is something no one can just ignore."
"It really was," Kachina could feel tears beginning to build in her eyes, but she tried to wipe them away before they could fall. "I knew I wasn't going to make it, and there was nothing that I could do about it. The blade was so deep in me and I could feel the blood building in the back of my neck. It didn't matter how much I coughed to try and clear it, there was just more and more building. I couldn't breathe, and I knew that the end was coming no matter what I did. All I could do was hope that the rest of you would succeed." Her voice was becoming thick with emotion as she tried to keep herself together. Iansan gently stroked her back and Kachina could feel a wonderful sense of calm fighting away the anxiety.
"You knew we would be victorious," Iansan gently reminded her, "but even though you knew we would win, it didn't do much to stop that deep fear that the end was coming."
"I don't think I was afraid of you failing," she admitted, "I knew you would win. It was what would come after, would the archon be able to bring me back if I fell so early in the battle? Would I really be a hero?"
Iansan didn't say anything, instead choosing to pull her closer and resting her own chin on the top of Kachina's head. It felt so nice to be wrapped up in that comforting warmth as if everything that made reality too much was being kept away.
"Those voices just wouldn't stop," Kachina muttered, almost unsure if she should keep going. She almost felt like she couldn't survive without the hug, but surely Iansan had better things to do than listen to her complain. She suddenly sat up and tried to move out of Iansan's hug, feeling more than a little subconscious. "I shouldn't be talking about this. Surely you have better things to do than listen to me vent."
"I'm here to listen to you, I can't think of anything more important," Iansan told her in certain terms that allowed no room to argue. Kachina wasn't all that convinced, however Iansan seemed to pick up on that. "A true warrior knows when they must be strong, and when they can allow themselves to relax their guard and allow others to step forward so that they can recharge or heal. Please let me step forward and help you, even if all I can do is listen."
"I don't have a good way to make this not sound childish," Kachina muttered, a blush of embarrassment on her face.
"Then be childish," Iansan smiled, "a challenge shared is an issue halved. So better to tell it however you can than keep it bottled up. I trained you on that."
She did let Iansan continue the hug, feeling like she was going to fall apart without it. It was both comforting and mortifying at the same time and she didn't know what she was meant to do. She didn't disagree with what Iansan was saying, but it still took more than a little convincing before Kachina finally felt like she could speak.
"A lot of the others believe I'm unworthy," Kachina pointedly looked away, not wanting to see Iansan's expression at all. "I think that they might not be wrong."
Iansan raised an eyebrow but didn't comment, the meaning was clear. They didn't agree but they wanted her to have the opportunity to continue.
"I know that I'm not really all that well-liked, I've heard it a million times. That I'm not the strongest, every win was a lucky shot or stupid luck, that I didn't fight fairly, that if I did die the archon wouldn't resurrect a weakling. " Kachina blurted out, gritting her teeth by the end and doing her best to not pout.
"The problem is that it's practically true," She groans, "I never win in a straight fight. Beating Mulisha was only possible because she overexerted herself the previous match enough to give me a lucky break, I prefer to always ambush in a fight, and the archon was not able to bring me back."
"Hey, none of that. I spent years training you to be an absolute beast of a warrior." Iansan reminded her with a laugh. "Your training focused on tactical ambush and exploiting weaknesses in an enemy's defense, as I knew it was where you would absolutely dominate. Some soldiers see everything as a direct attack with no understanding of the basics of warfare like flanking an enemy. Being smart and giving us a perfect opening to push back the Abyss is exactly what makes you a hero."
Iansan pulled back and pulled Kachina to look at her face to face, "When our archon said that she couldn't bring you back, you better believe that there was a team of us ready to tear apart the Night Kingdom and demand our warriors return. Don't for a second believe that you didn't deserve to return."
"I'm not sure about that," Katrina muttered under her breath.
"Don't ever question that! You deserve every bit of support I can give you." Iansan told her, her tone brokering no angle for Kachina to argue. "Look, I'll be honest. I felt more than a little guilty about you falling in the skirmish. You were exactly where you needed to be but Chasca's speed was a bit different to what I planned so she wasn't able to get into position. We made far too many mistakes and were lucky that only one of us paid the price. And infinitely more lucky that it was something that we could mostly fix."
Kachina flinched, wishing that every reminder of her fall didn't bring such a miserable feeling deep in her heart. She didn't want to be weak in front of Iansan, even if they did say that it was okay. She was Uthabiti, she wasn't allowed to cry no matter how much she wanted to. And she really, really wanted to. "It's fine, I signed up for war. I knew what I was getting into. Dying was always a possibility."
"That doesn't make it okay," Iansan disagreed, but thankfully dropped the topic as their food arrived.
The rest of the breakfast was uneventful, Kachina managed to absolutely destroy three full portions of food. Iansan didn't have anywhere near as much, so Kachina felt like she could take it as a win. Something about being able to just calmly have a nice breakfast and ignore the world helped her fall her mind back to earth and relax. Iansan even let her have a nice deep hug after her breakfast, and this time it didn't feel anywhere near as embarrassing. However, she figured that was mostly because she wasn't sobbing her eyes out like a child.
She may have fallen asleep during that hug, but Iansan did her best to pretend that Kachin had merely closed her eyes for an hour. She was of course immensely thankful for the amount of tack the older warrior displayed when Kachina awoke and realized she was drooling on their shirt. Not a single comment was made apart from a soft smile, and for that, Kachina was eternally grateful. Instead, Iansan just ruffled her hair a bit and asked if she wanted another coffee.
"I should head home," Kachina really wanted to go back to cuddling, but she knew that she was expected home this afternoon and it wasn't a short journey. So it was with no small amount of regret that she pulled away from the hug. Iansan nodded in agreement before giving her another quick bonus hug anyway.
"I do have a meeting later today as well," Iansan nodded before her eyes shot open wide as she saw the time and swore before quickly gulping down the last of her second coffee. Apparently, she had managed to forget about a meeting with the archon and she had to rush off.
Kachina downed the rest of her hot chocolate as she watched the warrior run off in a panic. Looking at the empty plates she realised that she'd run out of reasons to stay and that it was time she set off home. Hopefully, the journey would be at a much more leisurely pace than her morning.
She hadn't even left the stadium grounds before she once again found someone waiting for her. Chasca, the most experienced out of the warriors who had joined her party for the Night Warden Wars, was waiting for her at the stadium's main entrance. "Ah, finally. Iansan warned me you might be a bit late getting up."
"Were you waiting for me?" Kachina asked as she adjusted her backpack on her shoulder to get it to sit properly for once, before craning her neck to look up at Chasca. "Iansan didn't say anything."
"Yep, I am here to travel with you." Chasca nodded her head towards the exit, not even waiting for Kachina before she started walking, forcing the smaller girl to jog to catch up.
"You don't need to do that, I know the way." Kachina paused, "wait, your tribe is in the opposite direction."
"I am aware of that," Chasca rolled her eyes, "but I thought this would be a good chance to have a proper talk about everything that happened during our campaign. Besides, it's always better to travel in pairs, you know."
"Okay?" Kachina couldn't think of anything that they needed to really talk about. Her performance during the Abyss fight had been fine enough before she got taken out, but she guessed that Chasca had some feedback to share. Either that or she just wanted to remind Kachina to not repeat what the archon had told them, maybe. "Is this about what Mavuika said, I know not to share it around."
"Nothing like that," Chasca clarified, her tone becoming decidedly more serious. "Kachina, I want to say sorry for what happened during our campaign. It was my fault that you were put into such a precarious position. It was my fault that the Abyss were able to take you from us. I didn't assess the situation as well as I could have and that meant that you ended up taking a greater risk than I intended."
"I knew the risks, Chasca. Almost every year at least one warrior falls, it was basically inevitable, particularly when you've got a beginner like me tagging along." Kachina wasn't really all that interested in hearing Chasca pretending that it wasn't Kachina's fault that she died. They were a team that shared responsibility and it was Kachina's lack of ability that led to her failure.
"There is nothing to apologize for, things happen in war." Kachina continued, wishing that the awkward conversation would just stop. "In my mind, I was the warrior, so there is no one to blame but myself or the Abyss. Iansan always used to say that no plan ever survives first contact."
"I still want to apologize," Chasca tried to continue.
"And now you have," Kachina huffed, picking up her pace to try and get ahead of Chasca and stop the awkward conversation. She didn't want to hear Chasca lying to her in such a painfully transparent attempt to cheer her up. Kachina was far too aware that the blame started and ended with herself and she was getting more than a little annoyed at Chasca trying to change her mind.
Now in an utterly foul mood, Kachina stalked off ahead, keeping her lips tightly closed so she didn't lash out. It was going to be a long walk back to the Children of Echo's tribe. Thankfully Chasca took the hint and the subject was dropped, leaving the two to walk in silence along the dirt trail.
It didn't last long.
"It's a nice day today," Chasca abruptly pointed out, proving that she is absolutely terrible at small talk. Kachina didn't bother responding, no longer feeling in the mood.
They continued walking in silence.
There was a part of Kachina that knew that she should have been happy to walk along a trail with a true hero; with a sun shining brightly above with a cool breeze making everything the perfect temperature. However she wasn't happy, everything felt off and she felt annoyed at Chasca for a reason that just didn't make any sense. It was like she was primed to be annoyed at the smallest things, and she couldn't work out why. The walk along the slightly overgrown trail should have been a relaxing one, especially with the knowledge that Chasca was ready to step in and cover Kachina's back. In all honesty, she knew that she was still a long way from being back to being one hundred percent, and Chasca's presence went a long way to make her feel safe.
Lost in thought, it didn't take much to shatter that fragile moment, one little stumble on some loose gravel for things to change. Kachina didn't fall over, catching herself with a small jump forward, but that little moment of uncertainty hit her like a tackle from Ayo. One moment she was tripping and the next she could feel her heart start to absolutely race as she wanted to pull out her polearm and threaten anything that moved. She didn't pull out her weapon, of course, managing to instead quickly force down the pointless sense of fear and do her best to act naturally.
"Are you alright?" Chasca abruptly asked, clearly noticing that something was wrong.
Kachina gritted her teeth as her vision started to blur again she did everything she could to avoid crying to no success. Unwanted tears started to build up. "Why do I keep doing this?" She growled angrily, trying to dry her eyes. "Sorry, you must think I'm a child who can't stop being dramatic. I can't make this stupid stuff stop."
"I think we should take a break," Chasca sat down at the side of the dirt pathway and gestured for Kachina to join her. "These things will happen. You need to stop being so harsh on yourself. While I have not had the glory of falling in battle, I was there when Iansan fell last year. She felt much the same as you likely do."
"I saw them return at the resurrection ceremony last year, she was happy-" Kachina began before being interrupted by Chasca.
"When she stepped out of the eternal flames she might've been, but she honestly was a wreck as soon as the adrenaline had faded away." Chasca looked down at Kachina and gave her a smile, "it's actually the real reason I am here. While it may not be public knowledge, Mavuika always wants any resurrected warriors to have someone nearby after their return. It's not something that you can just go through and be happy when you step out the other side, Iansan made sure I was well aware of what it was like when she went through it. So at least until we return to your tribe, I'm going to be here."
"So you're only here because Mavuika told you to be," Kachina frowned, she knew that returning warriors sometimes would sit out of future pilgrimages to recover and it was generally a faux pas to question their decision. It was assumed that any who delayed their return was likely dealing with injuries and that it was better to not ask questions. To find out that there were side effects to being resurrected wasn't really that much of a surprise. "I am feeling fine. You don't have to worry about me. You can just tell Mavuika I'm fine and do whatever you want to do."
"I'm not here because I was asked, I'm here because I beat the other three in a card game over you. Iansan is still absolutely terrible at bluffing." Chasca laughed before being a little more serious. "To be the one to protect you while you heal is an honor, and one Kibangu nearly won. I swear he had an extra seven of diamonds hidden up his sleeve-"
Chasca paused mid-rant and shook her head, "Sorry, the point I am trying to make is that resurrection is traumatic for everyone and as someone who fought by your side I want to make sure that you're going to be given the opportunity to heal from it. Particularly as your experience was made so much worse by the corruption of the Wayob keeping you down there for so long."
"I'll try to heal," Kachina muttered, still feeling self-conscious as she sat next to such a well-decorated warrior with tears in her eyes that just would not go away. Of course, she was still not back to normal and Chasca put an arm around her back and pulled her closer. It was absolutely mortifying, and yet she knew that she needed Chasca's presence. "I'm just frustrated that I keep crying."
"You should feel safe to express what you're feeling any way you want, there is no shame in those tears." Chasca smiled. "If anything I expect to see more of them, and maybe a few punches thrown my way."
"Punches?" Kachina's interest was more than a little peaked. "Who would try to attack you?"
"Iansan's return was more than a little physical at times," Chasca chuckled, "she even got a few good hits in. As I said, resurrecting from the Sacred Flames can be a difficult experience to go through and can be rather difficult to fully process. Iansan couldn't entirely convey to me why it was so difficult, but I definitely experienced firsthand how confronting it can be. I will say that her second time was a lot more subdued and she vowed to make sure that she would never let herself fall in battle again, So don't feel bad about not feeling your best, if anything your response has been quieter than her first time. Then again there is still time if you want to try and beat her."
"No, I can't keep doing this" Kachina closed her eyes and did her best to focus on the breeze that was flowing by, the peaceful calm was helping and she could already feel her tears drying as her mind finally stopped yelling at her. Chasca picked up on Kachina's improvement and silently indicated for them to continue their journey home. Kachina was still more than a little fuzzy in the head, so she just dutifully followed directions and let the older warrior walk with an arm around her without complaint.
A small part of her did worry that Chasca's insistence to continue walking was not just because she knew that Kachina would feel better back at home; maybe she was just getting frustrated with Kachina's constant crying and wanted to stop dealing with her. Sure, Chasca hadn't shown any actual signs of being annoyed at her presence, spending a lot of her time repeatedly reiterating that Kachina was allowed to express herself however she needed. However, that didn't mean that she wasn't just hiding her annoyance. Either way, Kachina knew that she needed to hurry up and get home to avoid annoying Chasca any further.
It felt like barely a minute later and they had arrived back at the main cavern of the Children of Echos tribe. Kachina blinked in confusion back at the trail behind her, wondering how they had already arrived. She was also surprised to see that the sun was now a lot lower in the sky than she remembered it being. However, she quickly pushed away that confusion to let herself feel relieved to finally be home. What she wouldn't give to go rest in her own bed under her own covers and pretend that she wasn't a walking mess. Of course, she had barely walked into the main trail's steps before spotting yet another familiar face that she wasn't expecting.
"Okay, seriously. Is Kibangu going to appear next?" Kachina blurted out as she saw Kaiulani already waiting on the path ahead. She was happy to see her fellow warriors put the effort in to make sure she was okay, but surely this was too much. She was home now, her family would deal with her and the rest of the heroes would be able to properly enjoy their success instead of being stuck babysitting her.
"Kibangu had prior commitments with his tribe," Kaiulani said with a shrug, "I'm sure he will be here tomorrow, but he wasn't able to promise anything. However, I believe he will make an effort to arrive."
Kachina blinked, "You all really didn't need to go to this extent for me."
"Yes, we did. You gave us victory and we're going to make sure you have the support you need to heal." Kaiulani disagreed as she overheard their argument, she had been the one to take charge the most while they were opposing the Abyss and was a naturally born mediator. So Kachina wasn't all that surprised that she wouldn't allow Chasca and Kachina to bicker without stepping in. "It is an honor to be trusted with your well-being, especially after fighting alongside you in the Night Warren Wars. Now come on, Pacal recommended a good cafe and I really need a decent coffee."
Kaiulani led the way, almost rushing to the cafe in what Kachina suspected was They looked like a rather odd trio, two experienced warriors walking alongside the youngest warrior to ever take part in the Night Warden Wars. However, neither Kaiulani nor Chasca looked all that concerned as they led Kachina to the Tribe's largest cafe. Kachina and Kaiulani took their seats as Chasca pondered over her own drink choice to the irritation of the poor barista who was stuck waiting for her to make up her mind.
"I think that this was probably my last pilgrimage," Kaiulani admitted as she sat down with a grimace, taking a moment to try and get comfortable without much success, "the years have definitely made themselves known."
"You're still a stronger warrior than me," Kachina muttered bitterly, however, she wasn't quiet enough as Kaiulani looked up with a frown. "The four of you were the ones that stood victorious."
"Don't be so eager to downplay your abilities" Kaiulani admonished her, "You fought alongside the rest of us and proved yourself to be a true hero that was just as strong as the rest of us, if not stronger."
"And yet I was the one that died," Kachina snapped back, before realizing what she had said and covered her mouth in embarrassment, "Sorry, that was a bit much."
"It's not the weakest warrior that falls, but the one that pushed forward to meet their match," Kaiulani spoke as if she was quoting the words of someone of great reverence, but Kachina didn't recognize it. "a strong warrior that never falters is a warrior who is never truly tested. When you fell it wasn't because you were weak, it was because you were our strongest fighter who stood on the frontline and gave us the opportunity to push back the Abyss. Don't lie to me and say that you are weak when I know that you have true strength within you."
"If I was strong, then you wouldn't be here looking after me," Kachina muttered bitterly, wishing that the others would stop treating her like a child.
"I did the same for Iansan, and Amuru spent a week looking after Kinich after his fall," Chasca interjected as she carried over three mugs, not even pretending to entertain Kachina's negativity. She sat down and pushed a coffee in front of Kachina but didn't take her hand off the top, forcing Kachina to give attention to her. "Only another Night Warden truly understands what it is like to face off against the Abyss and what it means to fall, so myself and Kaiulani will be staying here and checking up on you this week. I am aware that your family is here and will want to be there for you, but we both want to make sure that our newest hero gets the support she deserves. Am I clear?"
The coffee was pushed the rest of the way to Kachina who eagerly took a sip in the hope that it would help her wake up.
"You are clear," Kachina was still feeling more than a little uncomfortable about the whole mess. She wasn't sure if she entirely believed that Kinich would have ever cried in his life, much less had needed Amuru to look after him. While there was a high chance that Chasca wasn't lying to her, she couldn't picture Kinich ever being anything other than completely self-sufficient. For as long as she knew him he had been an unstoppable force who could deal with anything he met. "You said you had to help Kinich?
"You say that as if you don't believe us," Kauilani chuckled as she enjoyed her own drink, Kachina didn't understand how anyone could enjoy a coffee without milk.
"I mean, it's Kinich," Kachina shrugged, unsure how to make her point any clearer. Kinich was Kinich, and Kinich didn't need help from anyone but Kinich.
"Do you believe that Kinich doesn't deserve help?" Chasca interjected.
"I doubt he would ever need it."
"We all need help sometimes," Chasca pointed out bluntly, "Even a bloodthirsty warrior sometimes needs a bit of support. I promise if you ask him he will agree with me."
Kachina wanted to argue but before she could get even a single word in she spotted something that she had been dreading all day, her parents. Thankfully they hadn't spotted her yet, but she knew that it was only a matter of time before it would be inevitable. It wasn't like she disliked them, of course not. She loved her parents with all of her heart and most of the time loved to be around them, right now just wasn't one of those times. They were always trying to do what they could to make her be the best that she could be, they just somewhat disagreed in the past about what her best actually was.
Trying to convince them that she should participate in the Pilgrimage had always been a challenge, and they hadn't been thrilled about her taking part in the Night Warden war. Well, she actually hadn't even told them, but she was sure that they were less than impressed.
"I have to hide," She yelped before diving under the table, much to the obvious bewilderment of the other two warriors. At least she had been on the opposite side of the entry and was able to use Chasca and Kauilani to hide behind. This was definitely not going to help her appear any more mature. "Don't call them over, please."
"Really," Chasca rolled her eyes, spotting out of the corner of her eye exactly who had made Kachina hide. "Are you actually hiding from your parents?"
"Yes I am," Kachina whispered back, peering from behind the table to see if her parents had noticed her. A few tense seconds passed before her parents were finally out of sight and Kachina was able to return to her seat with a blush of embarrassment on her face. "Okay, that was too close! They almost saw me."
"What were you so worried about?" Chasca asked as she disinterestedly took another sip of her coffee.
"If they had spotted me they would have dragged me home," Kachina complained, knowing that there was no way for her to sound like an adult. "I am not in the mood to be treated like a child right now."
"Fair point," Chasca shrugged, though Kauilani clearly didn't agree.
"Kachina, I'm sure that they just want to congratulate you on our campaign.
"Look, I'm sick of them treating me like a child," Kachina huffed, "I get it. I am young. But that doesn't mean that I am a child that needs to be babied and placated, and yet I know that the first thing that mom will do is treat me like a child."
"No, she will treat you like her child," Kauilani interrupted, "That's an important difference. She isn't treating you like a child because she thinks you are young and immature, she is treating you like her own child that she wants to protect and spoil. To a mother, her children will always be her children, no matter how old and mature they may get."
"I doubt your mother treats you like a child," Kachina couldn't stop herself from arguing.
"Correct, but only because she is dead," Kauilani agreed in a matter-of-fact tone.
"Oh, sorry," Kachina felt absolutely mortified, she had known about Kauilani's parents no longer existing on their mortal plain. She silently wished for the ravine to open up and swallow her hole to get her away from the awkwardness that she had just created.
"No matter," Kauilani didn't seem all that concerned about the etiquette transgression, "however to answer the actual question, yes she did treat me like a child even after my twentieth pilgrimage. It didn't matter that I had gone up against the Abyss six times, in her mind I was still her child and that was never going to change. It didn't matter if my hair went grey, I would always be her child."
"Oh," Kachina felt embarrassed.
"With that said, if it makes you uncomfortable you should tell them," Chasca added, slamming her empty coffee cup down. "They don't strike me as the type to ignore your wishes. If you need them to keep your distance, just tell them. I can back you up if you're worried. I am here to support my fellow hero if she needs me."
Kachina blinked twice, before deciding that there were some things better off not asking.
"I appreciate the offer, but it is okay," Kachina replied, "It's just talking to my parents, not going to war."
"Personally I find it easier to stab things than talk things out," Chasca pointed out.
"What she means is that confronting those that we care about can be difficult in its own way," Kaiulani interrupted, "or at the very least more complicated. So we tend to avoid it, and let the problem fester."
Kachina returned her focus back to the coffee in front of her with a frown as she considered Kaiulani's words. "Okay, I'll do it!"
"I'm not sure I can do it," Kachina whispered as she stood outside her family home shaking like a leaf as she tried to keep herself together. She knew that Kaiulani was all too aware of her distress, however it was almost impossible for her to hide from her. Thankfully Kaiulani was more than willing to take over, gently pushing Kachina away from the door and knocking before she could have a chance to oppose.
It was an awkward few seconds as Kachina begged Wayob that no one from her family was home. Of course, her hopes were dashed as the door creaked open to reveal her much younger sister, who had a big smile on her face. Before Kachina could even raise her arms in defense, her sister shoved her way past Kaiulani and tackled Kachina in a bear hug, knocking the both of them to the ground.
"It's about time you got here," her sister excitedly hugged her tighter, accidentally doing her best to stop Kachina from breathing in her eagerness. "Our parents were getting all mopey last week, but said you wanted to party after nearly winning the pilgrimage."
"Nearly winning…." Kachina blinked in surprise as she realized that either her parents were entirely unaware, or they had kept hidden from her sister what had happened.
The relationship between the two was mostly positive, in the past Kachina had been more than a little jealous that her younger sister had gotten so much more attention from Mom. Sure, she knew that her sis was half her age and needed the attention a lot more than she did, but that only really softened the edges of the jealousy rather than made it go away.
"Yeah, next time you need to bring me so I can party too." Her sister was so earnest in her excitement that Kachina really didn't have it in her heart to correct her.
"Where are they, anyway?" Kachina finally managed to wrestle her way back to her feet, her sister still refusing to let go of her grip.
"No idea, they have been out all day," her sister didn't really seem all that concerned, "I think they said they were going to get you. They were a bit silly, if they had just waited at home and played games with me then they would have already met you."
"Sure, um. Can you let go of me so we can go inside?" Kachina tried to pry her sister off, but it was impossible. Kaiulani didn't seem all that eager to help Kachina out of the predicament, too busy laughing at her misfortune to bother rendering any aid. Kachina glared at her, but it was not effective.
Kachina tried to pry her sister off, panting more than she wanted to admit from the effort. Finally, Kaiulani took pity. "Come on, let your sister inside. She's had a long day walking back from the stadium."
Kachina's sister pouted but finally released her and dragged her into her family home, not even bothering to welcome Kaiulani into the house in her eagerness to have her sister back. An absolute stream of questions erupted out of her sister, thankfully Kaiulani took over the answers pretty quickly as Kachina could feel her head start to get strangely muffled again. Making some excuse she exited the foyer and headed towards the sitting room where she practically collapsed onto the couch as soon as she was inside, suddenly feeling absolutely exhausted. She heard Kaiulani and her sister saying something, but she gave it absolutely no concern. Instead, she watched the ceiling as black shadows covered her vision and her head swam.
The exhaustion was immense, and yet sleep still seemed so far away. Kachina tried to focus on what was being said around her, but all she heard were snapshots of words. She was pretty sure that her parents turned up at some point, but what they actually said was completely beyond her. Eventually, sleep did take her, but it was closer to a restless than an actual deep sleep.
Unfortunately, that sleep was not to last and Kachina soon realized that she was once again awake and incredibly tired. As Kachina lay in bed trying to sleep, her mind kept spinning around refusing to let her relax. As she was almost on the edge of sleep, a quiet voice dragged her pack into the world of the awakened. Tiredly she pulled herself out of bed to investigate, reaching her bedroom door, putting her ear to the crack in the door, and concentrating as best she could.
"I talked her parents into letting her rest, they were rather concerned," A familiar muffled voice came from the hallway outside her bedroom. "How is she coping?"
"She's been making a lot more progress than I expected," an equally muffled, and equally familiar, voice replied. This time Kachina recognised it as Chasca. "She was almost able to regulate her emotions and she only disassociated once today. If anything, the biggest issue is that she believes that we are treating her like a child because we're all hovering around her."
"Only Kachina could misread it that poorly," the familiar voice she finally recognized as Kinich replied with a laugh, "I assume you told her the truth."
Kachina didn't hear a response from Chasca, though she definitely could hear the irritated groan from Kinich. She wondered when he had time to travel to her tribe's ravine. "Did you seriously not tell her?"
"She was acting so fine I figured that it would just stress her out," Chasca replied with a level of irritation that matched Kinich's. "Kachina has been through a lot and she deserves the chance to relax and not worry about this."
"I'll be the first to agree that she deserves rest, but I also think it is unfair to not tell her at all." Kinich hummed to himself, thinking over what Chasca had said, "Have there been any signs of the sickness?"
"She had a minor panic attack when I was asking about her family, but she seemed fine when she actually met them."
"She has always been good at hiding her problems." Kinich didn't sound all that impressed.
Frustrated to hear them talk behind her back, Kachina tiredly bit back a yawn. She really did want to go to sleep, but she also really wanted to know what they were talking about. So it was with almost no thought that Kachina decided that it was time that she made her presence known. "I'm here, so feel free to tell me," Kachina herself interrupted with a yawn as she tiredly shuffled into the room. Even if her dramatic entrance was closer to a tired step, she was still glad to see them both be so surprised.
"Kachina, good to see you." Kinich rubbed the back of his neck, looking a little taken aback by her sudden appearance. "How much did you hear?"
"Enough to know that you are keeping things from us," Kachina snapped, starting to feel more than a little angry. "How did my parents take it?"
"They are proud of you and want you to feel proud of what you accomplished," Kinich didn't exactly meet Kachina's eyes with that statement.
"They never wanted me to go on the pilgrimage in the first place," Kachina didn't believe Kinich.
"Your parents are just a bit worried about you," Kinich told her cautiously, "as they should."
"And yet Mulani said that you didn't seem all that concerned when I didn't come back." Kachina snapped, unsure of why she was feeling so annoyed.
"Yes, because I already knew what was going to happen." Kinich paused before rolling his eyes, "And before you complain, I would have done anything I could to stop you from going to the Night Kingdom. I would have even broken your legs to stop you from competing if I had to. I am all too aware of what that place can do to you and I do not think that it is okay that you went through it. However, fate is fickle and that which is ordained cannot be easily swayed. So you were going to the Night Kingdom, and you weren't going to return through the flames."
Kinich looked somewhat pained as he continued, "My only solace was that Mavuika vowed to me that she would assure your return and recovery. Thankfully, that has indeed come to pass."
"I'm fine now I guess," Kachina mumbled, the bitterness in her heart still did not leave.
"You're not fine, you're far from it." Kinich replied simply, "The Night Kingdom takes a toll on the mind that isn't something that can be merely ignored, and the Abyss corruption is an equally important concern we should have. You are definitely resilient and handling this far better than I would have predicted, but you are not invulnerable. So don't patronize me and pretend that you are fine."
"What was that saying Mulani used to say," Kinich paused and frowned before nodding, "Ah that's it; it's okay to not be okay."
"That's easy for you, you're always okay," Kachina couldn't stop the bitterness from her voice, and her annoyance with Kinich was all too obvious, "If you were not okay, would you tell me?"
"I wouldn't tell you," Kinich admitted with a shrug, "but I did tell Chasca and Maulani."
"He did," Chasca confirmed, "however that doesn't mean that he is comfortable telling everyone."
"No, she's right." Kinich turned to focus on Kachina, "We've been friends for years and have earned each other's trust. This isn't something that I should have kept from you, especially now as you are going through the same thing."
"How about you leave us to talk, Chasca," Kinich looked up at her, nodding his head towards the door. "I think this is probably a better conversation if we have it one-on-one."
Chasca didn't look happy about it, but she just nodded and left them in peace. Kachina frowned as the door clicked shut, leaving her along with Kinich. Silence settled around them.
"I only fell once during the Night Warden Wars," Kinich finally broke the silence, looking more uncomfortable than Kachina had ever seen him, "But I participated more than once and had to help a fellow warrior when they fell. So I knew that to fall in battle was a poor experience even before I did it. Initially, it was a lot to process. As you now know, dying is not an enjoyable experience and those feelings are very tenacious, digging their spikes inside you and refusing to go away even after resurrection."
"Yeah, I keep remembering being unable to breathe," Kachina muttered, leaning against Kinich as he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close.
"The Night Kingdom itself was uncomfortable for me, though it sounds like things were decidedly worse for you." Kinich continued with a frown. "The knowledge that I was dead and waiting for the others to win was not a pleasant one. However, it was on my return that things got worse."
"How did it get worse?" Kachina swallowed nervously, unsure if she could handle much more than what she was already dealing with.
"I'm sure you're already feeling it," Kinich almost tenderly brushed Kachina's bangs out of her face, "it feels like there is just too much that exists everywhere. We went from the Night Kingdom, where things barely exist and everything fades into the darkness, and now we are back into this world where everything is real and you can actually feel it. It's like the world is screaming at us and we just can't make the noise fade, and it becomes overwhelming."
"Overwhelming doesn't even begin to describe it," Kachina shook herself and looked up at Kinich, feeling like she was on the edge of breaking down again, "Please tell me that it gets better."
"It isn't going to happen overnight, but it does get better," Kinich told her gently, "It's not a race, this is a journey that you have to take at your own pace ... that being said, I can already tell that you're weeks ahead of me."
"Don't lie to me, I saw you a week after you returned." Kachina huffed, annoyed that Kinich would try to deceive her so easily. "You were fine!"
"How long did I stay around? I seem to remember I talked with you for a few minutes before I had to take my leave," Kinich couldn't stop himself from letting out a sigh, "Then I went straight home to rest. However you walked all the way from the stadium, then talked for hours with Chasca today, most of that in a loud and vibrant cafe, and you're sitting with me now still going strong. I legitimately would not have been up for this the first week I got back. So yes, you are leaps and bounds ahead of me."
Kachina pushed closer to Kinich, needing more of that calming warmth that made everything quieter.
"However, that doesn't mean that you don't need help. I had others help me, and allowing them to help me wasn't easy either. I know that it can be hard to balance what we wish people saw, versus what we need them to see. I needed help, Chasca and Mauilani made sure I couldn't avoid it."
"You're going to do the same for me?" Kachina didn't know whether to be relieved or angry at him.
"Of course, but first you deserve something," and with that, he pulled her into a proper hug. She had been trying to keep her mind in one piece but that hug was enough to have all of her defenses drop. Kachina collapsed into the warmth and something inside of her suddenly changed and she couldn't stop herself from crying. However, Kinich didn't complain, instead adjusting himself to make it easier for her to bury her face into his chest. Kachina didn't resist for a moment before she was clinging to him.
She could feel her heart begin to race and her lungs begin to work overtime as the early signs of a panic attack hovered in the distance. However as Kinich slowly began stroking her hair and quietly talking to her, she felt it fade. It wasn't gone, but for the first time, it felt manageable. Almost entirely ignorable.
Kinich was saying something to her, but she was beyond understanding anything at that point. She vaguely felt herself being moved, before she laid down properly still clinging to Kinich and refusing to loosen her hold until he properly returned the hug.
That night Kachina didn't have a good sleep. It was just the first step she had to take to heal. However, those that she trusted most would be ready to help her.
