Title: Today Is A Gift (That's Why We Call It 'The Present')
Rating: PG-13/T
Originally posted: 20th June 2024
Originally written for: HeartsFate
Characters/Pairings: Steve/Sif
Notes: for Rarepair Exchange 2024 at Dreamwidth and AO3.

When at last they rolled away from each other, to relax against the plump pillows and silken sheets a while, Steve was not entirely surprised to find he was actually a little out of breath. Not much could literally make him sweat or feel in any way tired, even less could bring such a feeling of quiet contentment or joy, but the last few hours in bed with Sif had done all of those things and more besides.

Looking across at her, he found she was smiling, but also trying to catch her breath too. The covers were clutched to her chest, but did not cover much, and it didn't matter. Beside him, he saw the kind of figure he had only known in paintings at the museum before. Venus or Aphrodite, some ancient goddess the like of which could never truly exist in the real world. Of course, now he was on Asgard and the Lady Sif really was the very kind of goddess spoken of in myth and legend.

"Your looks concern me, Captain Rogers," she said, turning to stare back at him, her smile still ever-present in spite of her words. "You feel regret for what has come to pass?"

"I have a few regrets in my life, Sif," he told her honestly, "but trust me, this isn't one of them."

"I am glad to hear it," she said, turning to lay more comfortably on her side and propping her head on her hand, a wave of raven tresses falling to the pillows below. "I had never thought to know a mortal man like you, but then, as Thor tells it, there are no other mortal men like you."

He meant to take the compliment and be grateful for it, Steve truly did, but the shadow he fought so hard to keep from his face must have shown all too easily. Maybe not, maybe it was just that Sif was as perceptive and intelligent as she was passionate and strong and beautiful. He had realised all of this within moments of meeting her, of course, but it had never been clearer than that very second.

"Ah, but there is another," she said, shaking her head sadly. "Your brother in all but blood who now does the bidding of thy enemy. It is a sad business, undoubtedly."

"Undoubtedly," he echoed, not knowing what else to say.

Talking about Bucky, about what he had become under the thumb of HYDRA, it hurt. To even think about it made every part of his brain scream and his heart break, but there was hope. Steve knew he had to hold onto that spark in his soul. The spark he had seen in Bucky's eyes too. Somewhere inside the monster, the man still existed. That meant a lot of pain for his friend, but it might also mean there was a chance to bring him back, to undo even a little of the damage that had been done, somehow, some day.

"I am sorry," said Sif, reaching out for him, her hand gentle but firm at his shoulder. "Our time together was, in part, at least, designed to help you forget, if only for a short while. As I have told you, I do understand that need."

She had talked to him about Loki, something that had surprised Steve more than a little. Of course, he expected Sif to have known Thor's adopted brother, but he could never have realised how close they had been at one time. As close as they were now, physically, at least.

"I cannot think which is worse," she said then, sighing as she lay back down beside him. "To lose someone so dear to darkness inflicted upon them, or to know that they have actively chosen that black path to oblivion of their own accord."

"Neither one is easy to take," Steve considered.

"But the former, at least, ought to be easier to forgive. I find now, as I think of what Loki became before the end... it is not easy to marry the image of that monster with the boy who played with us when we were but children. To the young man who wooed me to his bed and promised me so many things..."

There was something dream-like in her eyes when Steve looked at Sif then, though it was gone in an instant and she seemed almost angry with herself for ever showing it, ever feeling it. She loved him. Once upon a time, she had loved Loki, in some form or other. Steve hadn't realised that. He knew that Thor loved the man he had spent so many years looking to as his brother, but it had never crossed his mind there were others that cared that much.

"We all make promises we can't keep," he said in the silence that followed, not sure himself where the words were coming from or what they were for, until it was too late to take them back. "Maybe when he made them, he meant them. Sometimes, things change, beyond a person's control, and then..."

He wasn't talking about Loki anymore, or maybe he was, in a way. Maybe that was the scary part. Knowing he had anything at all in common with a monster like that. Steve had promised Peggy a dance at the Stork Club, seconds before what ought to have been his own ending. A promise he could never keep. Did it matter that she must have known that? Did any of it matter anymore?

"I'm sorry."

A deafening silence followed his muttered words, that may have been only seconds long, but might as well have been an hour, before Sif finally broke it.

"What form does your apology take?" she asked, more softly than he had heard any words spoken by her yet tonight, even in their most intimate of moments. "Despite what you said before, do you perhaps now regret what came to pass between us this night, or should I take your words as recompense for some injury caused, though I suffer none that I am aware of?"

"I wasn't..." Steve turned his head to look at her and sighed. "I really don't regret anything we've done," he told her honestly, one hand reaching out to cup her cheek. "You're very special, Sif. I'm pretty sure you know that already, but I need you to know that I know it too. I would hate to think that... that you thought I was using you."

At that, she smiled. "I should never allow such a thing of any man," she assured him, just a hint of humour in her tone. "I took my pleasure as you took yours. We are companionable company, as proven in our conversation and merry-making before retiring to this chamber. I would have you know, I did not seek to make use of you either, noble captain. We were both in need of something, and that we have found together. Why then should either of us feel badly or offer apologies?"

Steve shook his head against the pillow. "I don't know, and you're right, we're both adults, we can do whatever we want, no harm, no foul. I just... You know that I can't stay here. This isn't my place. Asgard is truly incredible, but my home is on Earth..."

"As I well understand," Sif assured him, moving closer, her fingers running absently through his hair. "Have you heard me yet speak a word of matrimony or a life bond? It is not what I seek with you, and even if I should, I fear you would be of little use to me. Though you may be the great Captain of all America and have lived a hundred years - no mean feat for a mortal man - I have lived one thousand years myself already, and plan to live a thousand more at least."

"A thousand years?" Steve was aware he was sputtering a little on hearing that. "I didn't realise..."

"It does not matter," Sif assured her, fingers in his hair still as she moved in closer yet. "Please, do not be skittish now, after all we have shared. You know, when I first approached you, the great and bold Captain I had been told of was nowhere to be found. You made me wonder if you enjoyed the company of women at all."

She was teasing him, he knew, and yet there was truth underlying her words, he was sure of that too. For too many years, he had reasons enough to be shy around women, especially when he was standing next to Bucky, who was so handsome, charming, and completely at ease with the ladies. Steve may look the part these days, but his experience was much less broad than so many other men.

"I know you also thought it was your warrior status that made me seem like I wasn't interested in you, but I have never had a problem with strong women. For a while, I was nervous around all women, and after, when I actually had a reason to have some confidence, there wasn't exactly a lot of time when I had a chance for... dating," he said diplomatically, his eyes focused elsewhere a moment as he thought of one woman in particular.

"You have lost much, Steve Rogers," said Sif then, fingers trailing down from his hair to his face, hand cupping his cheek and bringing his focus back to her. "I know that feeling all too well. Though by comparison, 'tis true I have lived a great many more years and seen so many I love fall to darkness and to death, time is relative and losses no more or less painful for their number or longevity.

"Still, consider this. Time is both all and nothing. What really matters is not the past nor even the future, since neither can truly be changed. What we must take hold of is the very moment in which we are living. We must make each and every second count, for as we both know, it could indeed prove to be our last."

The words she spoke were true enough, the depth of feeling in her eyes so intense and real, it could not be denied for a moment. She meant all that she said and Steve felt it as surely as she did. If this was all they had, all they would ever be, all they might know of each other, then better to embrace it while the chance remained. Live for today, love for today, he told himself, reaching out to pull Sif closer and kissing her with all the passion he possessed.

The End