Chapter 18: Wabbit Season

"You ok?"

Tenten turned to the voice as Kakashi stepped out from behind one of the stone dragon guardian statues placed at the entrance of the bathhouse.

Half a lifetime ago, Tenten had been suspected of being placed under a mind control jutsu to become a pawn of the Akatsuki after encountering Hoshigaki Kisame during her training east of the Fire Country in the village of Amagoya. She had zero chance of defeating an Akatsuki alone at the time, and Kisame in particular was known as being one of the most bloodthirsty of the group.

Not only was surviving a run-in with him virtually unheard of, but his partner at the time had also been the infamous Uchiha Itachi, whose skill in genjutsu even the Copy Nin could not hope to match. Tenten's escape was either a miracle, or a trap.

Kakashi had bluntly recommended that Tenten be placed under interrogation by Morino Ibiki. It meant torture and indefinite confinement, but that was standard protocol and Kakashi was often a stickler for protocol.

Tenten had made sure to let him, and the rest of the jounin at the gathering, know how she felt about being distrusted. They'd all assured her they had no doubt as to her loyalty, even the straitlaced Copy Nin.

She was pretty certain they'd kept her under heavy surveillance for a long while after that, but it was nice knowing they trusted her enough to allow her to continue being on active duty despite being a potential spy and traitor.

This time, Kakashi showed no hint of mistrust at all, lifting her arms and inspecting different body parts to ensure everything was intact.

"I'm fine," Tenten assured him.

He grunted, running his hands down her limbs carefully.

The passage of time and development of their relationship had apparently also given him the confidence to be a lot more handsy now.

He had been loath to allow her to face such a volatile situation alone after Pakkun had materialized to alert them of Kisame and Killer B's appearance under the same roof. She'd persuaded him to stay hidden since his presence might only exacerbate tensions.

She hadn't quite believed it when Kakashi had insisted that Kisame was at the hot springs until she saw the former Akatsuki for herself.

"I understand why Killer B was here. Having the Eight-Tails must enable him to go where summoned animals go too," Tenten lightly petted her boyfriend's head as he sank down on one knee to better examine her legs, "But Gai said Kisame was killed by his own summoned sharks. Yamato saw it happen too. Is he a ghost?"

"He has a history of faking his death," Kakashi muttered, standing to hold her face with both his hands and checking her eyes for any sign of trauma or genjutsu, "If he were reanimated through an edo tensei, I doubt he'd just be hanging around in bathhouses."

Tenten tried to recall if Kabuto Yakushi or Orochimaru, the two most famous practitioners of the forbidden reanimation technique, would have any reason to revive the Monster of the Mist and send him to an onsen to relax.

Her head started to ache from the preposterousness of the idea so she decided to abandon that train of thought. As far as they could tell, Kisame was alive and well, and apparently seriously committed to self-care and mindful wellness.

Kakashi lifted his hands to her chest, asking permission. She sighed, taking hold of his wrists and moving them so as to wrap his arms around her waist. She also stepped them back into the shadows behind the guardian statue.

While Kakashi genuinely looked like he needed to reassure himself that she was all right, she was aware that his pseudo-examination was also pretty much an excuse to feel her up.

"Another time," she told him. "Hugs only for now."

He seized on her permission to take the hug to its furthest extent, squeezing her to him as if he wanted to absorb her into himself like Zetsu consuming chakra from his victims.

"Where are Pakkun and the rest?" she struggled to breathe as he nuzzled into her neck.

"Gone back to their realm. They said thanks for the baths."

Tenten had figured that this bathhouse was some kind of midway point between realms where summoned creatures could stop over to unwind and destress. When Kakashi had promised to give his ninken a bath, she didn't know he meant a high-end onsen facility, but she supposed this was indeed fair payment for their curry-sniffing services.

"So what are we doing about Kisame?"

"Nothing. You're safe, so we're leaving." Kakashi fixed her with a piercing gaze, "Unless you were seduced with his body?"

"No," Tenten firmly removed his hands from where they were now quite enthusiastically gripping her butt. "You're being too easygoing about this! Why would you ask about something perverted like that instead of worrying about the threat he might pose to our village?"

"Because he's not a threat to our village," He began the hand signs for the reverse summoning back to their starting location. "Shikamaru's uncle said as much during the play."

"He did?"

"It was in the coded message."

"You mean the part about shark's fin soup?!"

"That part. And now I'm hungry. Shiba ate the onigiri you made for me."

"Wait, what-"

Tenten felt the rippling energy between realms rise up around them, but there was something off about the force wavelength. Instead of the tugging feeling of being transported by summons, it felt more like the buzzing current of when Osh would bring her to a different dimension.

.


.

In the next instant, she was no longer beside Kakashi, nor was she in the forest glade they had been in before.

It was Konoha. The sun was shining and the birds were singing.

The Memorial Stone with the names of the fallen shinobi was a little distance away, and she was in front of a very familiar grave marker.

"Nice cemetery," a raspy voice beside her remarked.

She looked to her right, and up. Despite being less intimidated by him now that she was older, the facial structure of Hoshigaki Kisame still resembled a predator too much for her to be completely unaffected.

"You found an even better sword than Samehada, I see," he extended a hand, palm facing up. Tenten's eyes widened as she saw he was offering her a familiar asymmetrical blade, handle pointing towards her.

"He says you call him Osh," Kisame smirked. "Interesting weapon. Your boyfriend's somewhere safe, he wants you to know. As long as he avoids falling anvils."

.


.

The sun peeked over the horizon, casting long shadows across a vast expanse of verdant fields. Birds chirped merrily, their songs echoing through the crisp morning air. A gentle breeze rustled the tall grasses, revealing a lone rabbit hole nestled at the base of a towering oak tree.

Kakashi stared at the rabbit, which had emerged from the rabbit hole in a distinctly un-rabbit like manner, walking upright on two feet and holding a carrot in an unsettlingly anthropomorphic-looking hand.

"Nyehh… what's up, doc?" it asked him.

This was unlike any summoned animal realm Kakashi had ever been to.

.


.

Tenten made no move to take the weapon, staring up at Kisame instead in consternation.

"Since when have you had that?"

"Since you told him to be quiet and he moved himself into my pocket. Sulky, this one. I was surprised to find a scroll in my bathrobe."

Tenten processed this, and the fact that the blue-skinned man was indeed still in the bathhouse-issued yukata.

Osh was silent.

Tenten had been on the receiving end of the weapon's silent treatments in the past, and they'd usually worked things out. This was worrying, though. Why had he opted to initiate contact with Kisame, of all people?

"I wanted to talk to you about him, but you 'preferred not to speak to me'," sarcasm was heavy in Kisame's voice.

"I still don't," Tenten said flatly, bringing out a scroll from another pouch. "Before anything else, though, let me give you something first."

The shark-nin raised an eyebrow as Tenten summoned a dark traveler's cloak that she offered to him.

"It's a little short on you, but I don't know what rules apply to the yukata you're wearing and if it'll disappear and return to the onsen realm at some point."

"It'd be a shame for me to be arrested for public indecency, of all things," Kisame accepted the piece of clothing and pulled it around him, secreting Osh within the dagger sheath sewn into the inside lining. Tenten always packed garb that were crafted to be able to hold weapons.

He stood to his full height, and the cloak indeed fell only a little below his knees. "This must be the Konoha hospitality your village is so famous for."

Tenten frowned at him, "I can't tell if you're being ironic. The cloak isn't booby-trapped with chakra suppressing seals, if that's what you're thinking. Nothing I have would be able to suppress your amount of chakra anyway."

"Which is why you're keeping this strange weapon on me, isn't that right? You know it actually can suppress my chakra, among other things."

Tenten finally returned his jagged smile, "Osh isn't strange at all. He's wonderful and I trust him."

Kisame twitched, as if listening to something only he could hear. Then, he shook his head, and settled himself cross-legged on the ground. He looked up at Tenten, patting the space beside him in invitation.

"Let's talk."

Tenten backed nine steps away, then watched him from where she stood. "I'm listening."


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A/N: Belated happy birthday, Kakashi! Don't worry, Kisame isn't out to be some Mr. Steal-yo-girl-nin. Maybe. Just relax your precious little Sixth Hokage-ness among the bunnies. And ducks. And coyotes. And road runners. And martians. And George.