Bring Me Up

Warning: Descriptions of burns, a bit Mustafar style. :) Nothing too graphic but it's discussed a lot.

This is also a gift for Sinvulkt (Wakare) on Ao3. :)

~ Tirana Sorki


Fighting on a lava planet when he has wings is a terrible idea. Anakin knew that from the start but he was too angry (and scared) to let himself worry about it. Obi-Wan came here to kill him and he really means to do it, doesn't he? Anakin can see the desire for vengeance burning in his eyes.

As if he wasn't one of those on the Council who choose to be involved directly in committing treason. He'd known Obi-Wan had to know as soon as Palpatine had said it – he's the one who gave Anakin the mission to spy on him after all. He just hadn't wanted to think about it, even if he knew he'd have to face it eventually. He just didn't expect it to be like this.

(But Anakin is the one who helped kill the Jedi. All of them. They may have asked for it and there was no other way but he still did it and he knows why Obi-Wan's furious about that. But that doesn't change that the Jedi turned against Anakin and the Republic first.)

Anakin flaps his wings, trying to balance himself on the side of the collapsing structure they're fighting on. It's falling into the lava, and a spark flies far too close to his gold feathers.

The sudden, sharp burning pain explodes through his wing and it's spreading quickly, catching fire.

He's been nearly injured like this before during the war. He knows what to do. But not when he's surrounded by rivers of lava on all sides. Anakin jumps off the structure, flapping his wings desperately in an effort to fly to the bank he sees not far away.

He makes it there barely, landing on his hands and knees on the steep slope. The sand is scorching, burning against his left palm.

This was a terrible place to land.

He doesn't manage to scramble away from the bank fast enough.

The fire spreads too fast and blinding pain whites out everything else.

Agonizing pain is spearing through his back and wings.

Can't form a coherent thought about – anything.

He vaguely registers his own strangled screams.

Tears are burning his eyes, and he can hardly breathe.

The pain is too much and it won't stop and he needs to get out of here before – before it's too late. But even the thought of trying to move is too much and he gasps in another ragged breath.

He needs to get away from the river. His wings and clothes are too flammable, but his wings and back are burning and trying to even twitch is agonizing, but so is every second and he gasps, struggling to breathe against the pain. He knows to put out fire, you're supposed to roll, but he's stuck clinging to an impossibly steep river bank and he doesn't have the ability to move anywhere, even if his feathers are burning down further and further and it feels like thousands of knives digging into his wings.

The pain is raw and blinding and searing.

Obi-Wan is somewhere nearby, still with his lightsaber out and Anakin can't think about that at all, either – he could kill him, and probably will with how Windu was about to kill Palpatine when he was injured and defenseless.

He barely registers the shift in the Force of Obi-Wan moving somewhere close – doesn't have the mental space to think much less to look up anymore, or do anything but scream – but then he feels the way the Force wraps around him suddenly, smothering out the fire.

He only knows it because the way the pain was rapidly spreading and cutting deeper – since apparently that was even possible – suddenly fades out, even if his wings and back still feel like they were rubbed raw a million times over.

Anakin raises his head, shakily.

Obi-Wan's standing a short way up the bank, expression tight with a mix of horror and other unnamed emotions.

But he's just standing there and Anakin needs to get away from the bank before – before it's too late. And he can't move on his own. It hurts far too much and he's too afraid he'll lose his grip entirely.

"Obi-Wan," he chokes out desperately, past the pain tearing him apart. He thinks the meaning is obvious. But maybe it's not when – He did try to kill Obi-Wan. (Not like Obi-Wan didn't try to kill him first.) Maybe he doesn't deserve help after – Padme wanted him dead too, even though everything he did was also for her and his child.

"Help me." He sounds every bit as desperate as he feels.

Obi-Wan stands there a moment longer before he moves forward, pausing to pick up Anakin's dropped lightsaber, and carefully making his way down the slope. He crouches at Anakin's side, reaching to lift him into his arms.

He's being careful about it, but it still jars his injuries sharply and his wings twitch of their own, and Anakin lets out a strangled gasp, eyes flooding with tears.

It's beyond relieving to finally be off the ground, with how hot it was and how hard it was to breathe down there, but the pain certainly isn't any less. He buries his face against Obi-Wan's shoulder, fingers twisting in his robes to steady himself, desperately wishing he could will the pain to just let up even the tiniest bit.

He doesn't know what's... left of him. Doesn't think he wants to. He still catches the briefest glance of his wing out of the corner of his eye – it's charred black and all the feathers are gone. He's seen plenty of graphic injuries in his life, but that does little to stop his gut from twisting violently at the sight.

Obi-Wan's arms are tight around him as he heads back for the landing platform.

It makes Anakin think about those occasional times right after he'd been a padawan and he was hurt, and – His former master always took care of him, and Anakin had been naïve enough to believe things would always be just that simple.

He wishes they still were.

He has no idea how they've come to the point they have.

The tears spill silently down his cheeks and he lets them fall.

He doesn't know what to think about this – they were fighting and Obi-Wan was going to kill him but he didn't – or, he hasn't. He's so scared and everything hurts, the raw pain of the fire still burning across his back even if it's out. He should say something. He's still hurt and angry and furious that his master betrayed him and tried to kill him but Anakin's hurt and he can't fight, can't anything except hope his master will be merciful the same way he has his entire life.

Right back to the start.

His vision blacks out, and Anakin doesn't remember what happened on the way back to the ship. He only remembers slowly fading back to semi-consciousness when they're aboard it, and that Artoo is beside him. Watching. Hopefully of his own, not that Obi-Wan told him to.

He's on Padme's ship.

She just brought Obi-Wan here to kill him. On his word even if – if –

He's lying face down on what must be one of the beds in the back of her ship. At least Obi-Wan was kind enough not to put him on his back. His wrist is cuffed to something on the side of the bunk, not that he's capable of moving, anyway.

Where's Padme? He has no idea if she's here or – or what. Or if she's alright. He wasn't thinking when he lashed out, and he's still so angry and betrayed that she did that, but his visions – They're so close to coming true and he doesn't know if her or the child will be okay, especially not when...

He didn't mean to hurt her.

Anakin turns his head to the side a bit, trying to focus on the droid beside him.

Artoo whistles at him softly and a bit forlorn, asking if he's alright.

A quiet groan is genuinely the most he can get out.

There's a creaking from the doorway, and he looks up when his master returns to the doorway.

He wants to disappear. Vanish himself into the bed he's tied to and just – disappear. Obi-Wan is always angry at him, but he's never been enough to hurt or try to kill him. He can't move here. He's defenseless. There's no way out, unless Sidious finds him here.

"Anakin," he says finally, tone clipped.

Anakin has no idea what response he's hoping for. All he knows is that he doesn't want to have whatever conversation they're about to have.

Obi-Wan moves a little closer, until he's standing a few paces from the bed. "There's not much I can do for your burns here. You'll need a bacta tank or... water."

Because Anakin is the only mercreature in existence that has wings when he's exposed to air. When he's in the water, his wings slowly shift into fins as he transforms.

All Force sensitives have a mercreature side. Anakin had panicked when it first happened to him. He'd been at the Temple, and Obi-Wan was trying to teach him how to swim when he'd hardly seen water in his entire life. It was a part of him he never even knew he had until he came to the Jedi.

Being underwater enhances all mercreature's healing. That – definitely would help most right now.

"Where are we?" Anakin rasps, "Where's Padme? Is she alright?"

Obi-Wan is quiet for a moment, though Anakin senses the darkness and tension radiating off of him. "She is still unconscious."

Still? It's – how long has it been? Did he hurt her? He – did hurt her, but he didn't mean for it to be that bad. He really didn't. He was just so angry and his brain instantly labeled her as a threat and he couldn't think about anything else. He – he didn't mean to...

"Will she be alright?"

"We're heading to a medbay. I'll have her looked over there."

He nods mutely, sinking back onto the bed and closing his eyes again. Everything hurts, and he's not – he can't talk right now. Doesn't want to talk. He can't let everything he did be in vain. He has to – to save Padme and their child. He needs to get out of here.

He just has no idea how when he can't move, but... He doesn't know how much time Padme has left. Doesn't know how close his visions are to happening. He's probably not going to know until he knows what condition she's in.

He expects Obi-Wan to leave, but instead, he lingers. "What?" he asks finally.

"You were meant to be the Chosen One," his former master finally says, his voice icy with rage. "You were supposed to destroy the Sith, not join them. Bring balance to the Force, not leave it in the darkness."

What is he supposed to say to that, when every word of it is true? He failed. He failed the only thing he was made for, and his master has every right to be angry at him. Anakin betrayed him, even if Obi-Wan betrayed him and the Republic, first. "I should've known the Jedi were plotting to take over," is all he can rasp out finally. His throat aches. He's so thirsty, but the thought of moving makes him want to cry again.

"From the Sith," Obi-Wan snaps back, "Chancellor Palpatine is evil."

He knows that.

He can't trust Palpatine anymore either. Has no idea what he's been hiding from him or what he's lied about. But it's not that simple and it's not as if the Jedi are all right either. Anakin's seen full well how much they've fallen during the war. And the galaxy finally did have the chance at peace until the Jedi ruined it.

"The Jedi aren't any better," Anakin retaliates, cutting himself off with a quiet gasp as another wave of pain spears through him. Not that it ever lets up. But thinking enough to carry on a conversation feels like it's just making it worse.

"If you really believe that, then you are lost," Obi-Wan replies icily.

Not as if he doesn't already know that. He knows what he's done, knows – there is no way out anymore. Not that he saw any other way out at that moment in the Chancellor's office anyway.

"You're the one who told me to – to commit treason." He doesn't want to argue about this when he can't move. Or when everything hurts so much he can't focus on anything. He wants to just... sleep, but he thinks the pain's too much for that.

"And you should know the Council knew what they were doing."

"I am loyal to the Republic. The now Empire. Not like you." He is not going to let everyone he lost, everyone he killed to have been for nothing. That is not something he is willing to stand for, no matter what the cost was, even if it cost everything else. So many of his men died, and the Jedi were willing to throw that all away. They turned on everything they stood for.

"You're hardly one to speak of loyalty," Obi-Wan retaliates.

He knows he's not. Not after everything he's done.

Not like that's any less true for the Jedi. But he knows they're only going to go in circles about this. Obi-Wan's going to choose the Jedi and Anakin already made his choice, no matter how sure or not he is as to what's right. He truthfully has no idea anymore. All he does know is that he has to make sure Padme and his child are going to be alright.

Which means trying to get out of here but he can't do that when he can't move. Won't be able to until his injuries are better, whenever that'll be.

Hopefully soon, because he's tight on time, and his back is aching enough he still just wants to cry. He's been whipped before, but somehow, it was never this bad. He needs to get back to his master and – and find a way to save Padme. He can't fail when he's come so far.

**w**

They must have come out of hyperspace wherever they're going, because Anakin can't feel the faintest vibrations on the floor anymore. Maybe this'll finally be over soon. Maybe.

He doesn't know what's happening and doesn't have the mental space to really think about it either, but then he hears someone coming.

He's expecting it to be Obi-Wan, but when the door opens it's...

Yoda?

Air freezes in his lungs for a moment, at the sight of him.

Yoda survived. Anakin doesn't know how to feel about that. He was the grandmaster, and Anakin looked up to him for so long, but then it was him who led the Jedi to betray the Republic and everything that has happened since. He might still respect him, a little, but so much has happened, and Anakin can't see him the same way he used to.

He's the one who told Anakin to let Padme and his child die.

And –

He doesn't know what it means that he survived. What is he here for? What does he want?

His face is as impossible to read as it always is. "Joined the Sith, you have, Skywalker. Or should I call you Darth Vader?"

Did he have to ask? Anakin doesn't know, either. "Yes," is all he can reply.

"Deceived you, your master has."

"At least he didn't tell me to let everyone I love die."

Yoda hmph's loudly. He seems momentarily disgruntled that someone would backtalk him so sharply, and Anakin instantly feels regretful for it, but it doesn't deny the truth to his words, either. "Many innocents, you have killed."

"Innocence is a point of view." Yoda feels hurt. It's jarring, and Anakin would rather not think about that too deeply at all right now. He's a Jedi master. Of course, he can feel, but Anakin also never really thought about it. He always thought he was just... able to let go.

"Responsible for the war, he is. Much destruction, he has caused," Yoda replies, distinctly unhappy.

Anakin knows that now but it was too late at the time. And he still doesn't know how much of that was Sidious' doing versus him manipulating a situation that was already there. Anakin doesn't know what is or isn't a lie anymore. He has no idea how far the deceit has gone with both the Jedi and the Sith. "Maybe. But it's not any worse than the Jedi falling from their way and turning on the Republic. Master Windu tried to assassinate the Chancellor. He was defenseless."

"Truly defenseless, no Sith is."

Unease churns in his gut. "Does that mean you're going to kill me?" He doesn't want to die. There's a part of him that does, but there were so many of his boys hurt at the Temple. He needs to make sure they're okay, and – and he has to find a way to save Padme and their child. He can't have let this be in vain.

And maybe he doesn't deserve to live after that, but he can't die before that. He can't.

Doesn't want to think about the Jedi being the ones to kill him. Definitely not Obi-Wan. And... frankly, not Yoda either.

"A prisoner, you are," Yoda replies after a pause, "Harm you, we will not."

Which probably means they will use any means necessary to stop him once he's no longer injured. Not that he was expecting any less, but it's still –

"Then what do you want with me?"

"Brought you, Obi-Wan did. Keep you here, we will."

They're just going to hold him prisoner indefinitely? He's not really surprised. To be fair, they probably don't really know what to do with him at this point. This is a fight they've already lost.

"Losing their way, many of the Jedi were. A trap by the Sith, this war was."

"Then why didn't you stop fighting when we could have? There could have been peace." That's what he's wanted for so long, after how many have been lost.

"Peace under the rule of a Sith, there would never be," Yoda replies as though it's that simple. As though being a Sith is all that defines what someone is as soon as they became one.

Anakin can't trust Sidious anymore, though, so he doesn't know what to think. But if his leadership is gone, the galaxy is going to fall apart. Someone else, an actually strong leader who's willing to do something, would have to take his place. That's why he made the offer to Padme that she could rule in Palpatine's stead, but she'd just turned him down.

She – she would've understood. She should have if Obi-Wan hadn't interfered. She was going to stay with him. She... She was different on Coruscant when they talked. Not like this. Anakin knew she might be upset but he was doing what he had to, and he never really thought about how that could be used against them.

"There was no peace under the Jedi's rule." Anakin doesn't trust Palpatine, but he trusts him more than the Jedi now. He – he was no different. Maybe he didn't care, either, but at least it – it –

He always encouraged Anakin to be himself.

"Failed, we may have," Yoda replies, ears drooping, "But only serve themselves, the Sith do."

Sidious had talked to him about that at the opera house. And he knows it's true that both the Jedi and Sith were afraid of losing their power. "The Jedi didn't want to lose their power either," Anakin points out bluntly.

"Mmm, clouding everything, the Dark Side has been," Yoda replies. He can't tell if that's meant as an agreement or an excuse. "Clouding your judgment as well, it is. Know this, you must."

He does.

He also knows that he's not going to rejoice as his family dies. He wishes he knew what to do, but he feels so lost.

He doesn't end up having to think of a reply – hardly has the mental space to – because then Obi-Wan appears in the doorway, expression grim.

"Anakin," he says and Anakin looks to him, slightly startled at being directly addressed, "Padme is not doing well. The medical droid says she's dying."

Anakin's breath catches in his throat, blinding panic rising instantly.

Dying.

She's dying. Already? He thought he was going to have more time. He didn't realize his vision was about to happen. "From what?" he asks desperately. It's not because of him, is it? It can't – This can't be happening. It can't be.

What he needs to do is call his master, to see if there's something he can do to stop this from happening but the Jedi would never let him do it. There's not even a point asking. And even if he could, he has no idea where in the galaxy they are or if Sidious would even be able to get here fast enough.

"The droids cannot identify the cause," Obi-Wan replies, "But they said they will have to operate quickly to save the... child."

It's happening. His vision is happening and it's nearly too late –

Obi-Wan was there in one of them. He never understood why, but he does now.

He was there in Anakin's vision because he's there for real, and for all that he'd never been able to understand it, it all makes sense. A terrifying amount of sense. Sidious was supposed to be here. He never had time to figure out a way to stop it. It's too fast. This is all too – fast.

"I need to – to see her," he rasps, pressing his free hand against the bed in an effort to push himself up. Pain spears through his back sharply enough that he falls against the bed again with a strangled gasp.

He has no idea what he's going to do but he has to do something. He can't fail again. He can't. Not now.

"Your vision, this war," Yoda realizes, studying him, "Prevent death, you cannot, Skywalker."

"I'm not letting her die!" he yells back though it sounds more strangled and broken than anything else.

"What vision?" Obi-Wan asks, sounding totally mind-blown.

He really doesn't have time to explain that right now. "Just let me see her," he requests desperately. "Please. I – "

Doesn't know what he'll do but he has to do something. And even if he can't. he has to see her one more time. He doesn't want to think about how if anything happens to her now, it's going to be because of the Jedi, because they got in the way right now.

Yoda and Obi-Wan exchange an unreadable glance.

Obi-Wan finally approaches him, slipping an arm under him to help him sit up. It feels like he's being gentle about it, but it still jars his injuries agonizingly enough that it's all he can do not to scream.

His former master cuffs his wrists together – he doesn't have the mental space to think about how sick it makes him feel that they've even come to this point – before helping him to his feet.

Moving is hard, but Padme needs his help, and she can't wait, so he heads out to the room where she's being held.

She doesn't look well. He can't tell what's wrong with her in the Force, but it's bad. He feels like passing out by the time he makes it to her bed side but he stubbornly holds against it.

Padme's eyes widen when she sees. "Anakin?" she asks weakly, gaze flicking past him to his wings. She looks sick – but also relieved to see him.

"I'm here," he whispers, taking her hand.

Guilt floods him full-force again, thinking about the moment he hurt her. He still doesn't know how she could've wanted him dead, though. He needs to talk to her – but that'll have to be later if she even gets out of this.

He has no idea what he's doing but he thinks desperately over the little Sidious told him about this. He said that when Sith become mercreatures, they sometimes sacrifice their shapeshifting side for other 'unnatural abilities'. Doesn't really know what that means. He certainly hadn't wanted to give up that side of him, but he was willing to, if it was the only way his family would live. He never had time to learn that, though.

But if whatever this is, is something not hard for Sith to learn how to do, he can figure something out on his own. Maybe. He's supposed to be the most powerful Force user ever, after all.

And he promised. He made a promise that he can't let go of – he won't fail again.

He reaches out, latching onto her presence in the Force. Doesn't really know what he's doing, except that he's stubbornly clinging to it and refusing to let it flicker and fade the way it feels like it's starting to.

Merfolk have some kind of magic that Jedi don't believe in using.

He just needs to figure out how to reach that part of himself.

The pain is making it hard to focus but it's also fueling the Dark Side like nothing else. It's tuning out any distraction except his focus on saving on her, on holding on to her life in the Force in a way he's never done before.

He really has no idea what he's doing but it – he thinks it might be working.

Luke is born first.

Leia is second.

Apparently, he and Padme were both right about which child they were going to have. He has twins. He's a father now.

This should be the happiest moment of his life and through everything else he's feeling, he does manage to feel that spark of happiness, but it's so overshadowed by everything else. But at least, whatever happens, his children will make it.

Padme seems to be, too. He doesn't even know what he's doing himself, but he hasn't used the Force this strongly in so long. He's nearly seeing stars from exhaustion, but he stubbornly holds on, anyway.

The fading feeling lingering over her Force presence is starting to fade.

He waits a little longer, just to make sure, before he lets go of it.

"She appears to have stabilized," the droid observes, "But she will need rest if she is to ever fully recover."

She – she's going to be alright. For now, at least.

The relief that floods him is overwhelming. She's made it. She made it. She's not going to die. She still doesn't look very well but she –

That's – not good but it's something. At least she's not going to die.

Padme smiles tiredly at him. "What did you do?" she asks, "That felt..."

He can't quite imagine how that would have let to her. "I saved you," he whispers. He succeeded. Somehow. At least he kept his promise to his mother that he wouldn't fail again. At least everything he did wasn't for nothing.

But so many died for that. It wasn't only for that, but... That's not enough to chase away the guilt. Doesn't think anything will be.

Now that he's stopped using the Force so strongly, the room is starting to feel dangerously distant.

Obi-Wan's hand touches his arm. Anakin thinks he looks worried, but it's hard to tell when his face is being blurred over with swimming stars.

That's probably bad.

Maybe

"You should be lying down," Obi-Wan says tightly, "If you want, we can sedate you until we get somewhere to... deal with your injuries."

That sounds...

Doesn't want to be out of it when he's technically a captive, but he's about to cry of relief at the mere offer. Anakin nods mindlessly.

"Where are we going to go?" Padme asks.

Right.

That's going to be another long conversation, that he really doesn't want to have right now. He'll go with whatever she wants. Just – think about the details and Sidious and the Empire later.

**w**

The world fades back in painfully slowly – literally.

The first thing Anakin registers is a hand lightly touching his head, one that's definitely not Padme's.

The touch disappears so fast he almost thinks he imagined it.

He's too out of it to give it much thought, until the room slowly starts to come into focus around him. His back is still burning like it's on fire. Almost wishes he didn't have to wake up. Maybe it's going to be over soon, but he doesn't know where they are or anything, or – He kind of just wants to sink back into the bed and pretend the world doesn't exist, as if it's going to chase away the physical pain or the pain burning in his heart.

Blinking a few times, he registers Obi-Wan sitting next to bed. The way he used to on the rare occasion Anakin was hurt in the past.

The look in his eyes is pained, empty, in a way Anakin's never seen before.

He swallows past the tight swirl of guilt that rises in his chest. Not that it's ever truly faded. Doesn't think it ever could again because he might have done what he had to, but that doesn't make him feel any better about it. Won't change all those he's hurt, or –

That he knows Obi-Wan was hurt in this.

He's never hurt his former master before. It's always been him who hurts Anakin, through words, whether intentionally or not. And this isn't something he can make better, make right. Not anymore that he can change that the Jedi chose this in the first place. At least Padme and his child survived, but...

He doesn't want to think about it but he can't stop. Can't never stop. He wishes he could have made any other choice but the one he did but what else was he supposed to do? The Jedi made their choice. Doesn't make the guilt smothering him any less or how much he wishes he could just change – something.

But what's he supposed to do now? Apologize like he's done so many times in the past? As if that would do anything to bring back the lives that are gone.

Anakin doesn't think through what he's doing when he reaches out with his free hand, touching Obi-Wan's wrist.

It's a pathetically inadequate comfort, especially when he's still upset Obi-Wan was willing to turn on the Republic. But he wants to do something

Obi-Wan jerks, stiffening when he realizes that he's awake. His face tightens, closing off again.

Anakin pulls back, swallowing past the growing lump in his throat and his barely held back tears.

Any time he tries to help, he makes things worse, doesn't he? That's how he got stuck in this mess in the first place. At least his visions didn't happen but that's about the only thing that's actually better.

He's almost surprised Obi-Wan's even – willing to help him this much. Might only be because of his physical state, though. Doesn't want to think about what'll happen after.

He wishes he didn't have to think at all actually, from how exhausted he is. It's only getting worse.

"We're here," Obi-Wan tells him.

Where...

Right.

They were going to Naboo. He vaguely remembers agreeing to that, or just nodding along as Padme talked. He'll think about the 'later' later.

Obi-Wan helps him get outside the ship.

They're at the Lake House retreat. Anakin recognizes it instantly. The air fresh and everything looks and feels so peaceful. It's a sharp contrast to Mustafar and Corscuant, and even the overpowering darkness in the Force itself.

The ship's landed right near the lake so he doesn't have to make it far to finally get to the water. Doesn't bother to take his robes off as he steps into the lake – there's so badly burned they wouldn't be wearable again, anyway.

Obi-Wan stays on the shore.

He always did hate his merfolk side. 'It's so uncivilzed," he grumbled, whenever Anakin had teased him about it. He frankly never understood those complaints.

The merfolk side of Anakin hums with content at the contact of water, and he can feel the instinctive urge to shift swelling up inside of him. He lets it, letting the shift morph and transform him.

He didn't count on it being so painful as his wings start to shift into fins, with all his scales burned off. He vaguely registers screaming, but it's over just as fast, and he's in his merform. He dives under water so it stays that way – his wings will come back the moment he surfaces above air again – letting the healing take action. His gills will let him breathe underwater indefinitely, after all.

**w**

The healing takes a while. Anakin's exhausted when he finally surfaces above the water but everything finally doesn't hurt anymore. The sheer relief of that is overwhelming.

He's also able to think clearly for the first time – well, as clearly as he could considering that everything is still a mess, and he doesn't know what to do. Padme made it perfectly clear she wanted to come out here to stay away from Palpatine and she's helping the Jedi. Anakin doubts that's going to change.

He doesn't know what choice to make.

His wrists are still in binders, and it's starting to get sore from friction. He wishes he could feel the soreness on his right wrist, too, but he can't and never will again. At least he still has one hand – that's something he should be grateful for.

He sits – flops – on the edge of the riverbank, staying just in the water enough to stay a fish until Obi-Wan brings his robes out. Doesn't know what they're doing about those.

He doesn't hate the sand here in this form. The difference is weird, but it feels nice instead of gritty and itchy. There was nothing like having to shake it out of his food back on Tatooine. It got exhausting.

Obi-Wan is waiting nearby. He's sitting like he's meditating, but Anakin really doesn't believe he is. Not that they have anything to say to each other, anyhow – Anakin has absolutely no idea what he'd tell his former master. What could he tell him? Anakin destroyed his entire life, even if he didn't mean to, no matter what it was. He feels... awful.

And he's still a prisoner. What's he supposed to do?

He could probably free himself if he tried, but that would mean leaving Padme and his children behind, because he doesn't think she has much intention of changing allegiances. It would also mean turning Obi-Wan over to Sidious, which... he doesn't want to have to do. Even if -

"It will be civil war without end."

He feels so lost.

Just like he told Padme before, and it feels like it makes even less sense now. He thought he could fix it, could fix everything, but he was wrong, and Anakin has no idea what to do about it.

Obi-Wan's looking at him now but he seems just as much at a loss for words. Which is literally never true about his former master.

Anakin just... waits, hardly sure what it is he's waiting for.

"When Padme was... dying," Obi-Wan finally speaks, "What did you do?"

"I – I saved her. I can't explain how." He doesn't know either. Doesn't really want to mention it was something Sidious told him was possible.

"How did you know she was going to die?" he asks, frowning.

"Visions," he supplies, looking away.

"You never mentioned that before."

"How could I have?" he demands. Not as if he could go straight to the Jedi and tell them about his marriage, even if it was about to come out. There's nothing Obi-Wan could do anyway. Whether or not Padme was about to die in child birth isn't something he could do anything to help with. "I know what you would have told me. And I did go to Master Yoda. He told me to let her die."

"Is that why you went to Sidious?" Obi-Wan asks, a look of realization settling over him. "You were using the Dark Side when you saved her."

"He promised to help me," Anakin replies quietly, "And he told me what I had to do."

Obi-Wan's quiet for a long pause. Anakin can still feel his anger but he also seems – a bit caught off-guard by the Padme thing.

"And all those you killed was worth this?" he asks finally.

He tries not to flinch at the bluntness of the question. "It wasn't just about Padme. It was about the galaxy, the Republic." And the Jedi made their choice. But that does nothing to stop the guilt smothering him. If it had just been about his family being in danger, he wouldn't have any hurt people who were in fact entirely innocent. Ever. But the Jedi weren't. Doesn't do much to make this hurt less, though. "And – I had no idea what he was going to demand when I stood with him. And then it... was too late to back out."

"He forced you to do it?" he sounds incredulous, maybe a little guarded.

Did he?

Anakin didn't feel like he had any other choice. He'll never forget the terror he'd felt when he'd sensed Sidious' darkness for the first time. When he knew there was no other way out, not after he'd unwittingly turned his back on the Jedi when he attacked Windu. The only way out was to submit to his new master, the same as has always been true.

"I... saw no other way. I didn't want to." It sounds pathetically inadequate. He's not going to blame it all on Sidious, though. He didn't see any other choice but he still – Ugh. He doesn't know what to say anymore.

"Then why couldn't you have at least warned anyone?"

His hand clenches and he breathes out heavily. "The Jedi still committed treason. And what should I have done? Let my family die?" If he'd betrayed Sidious in any way, he doesn't doubt that his master wouldn't have told him any of what he did. Not to mention that warning the Jedi would have just made them more prepared for when he went there with his boys and more of them would have ended up dead.

"No," Obi-Wan replies very grudgingly though the admittance is surprising, "But they weren't the only family you had."

The comment is very pointed and he knows what it means.

Bitterness floods him anyway, but he's too tired to be upset about it right now. Maybe, he's also feels too – awful. "The Jedi weren't my family, Obi-Wan. Not – not the way they were yours." He nearly makes him wince to say out loud because it was – he has no idea how many people died there who Obi-Wan knew. Who he himself knew. He'll never understand why they had to turn on the Republic the way they did, though. "Not the way family was on Tatooine. You and Ahsoka – were my family because of what we were to each other. Not – not because of the Jedi."

"The Jedi are what made us," Obi-Wan replies steely.

"Technically, that was Qui-Gon," he mutters, looking away. He almost wishes he hadn't said that the moment he does. He doesn't want to think about what Qui-Gon might think of them now. Him or the Jedi, really. Anakin can't imagine Qui-Gon would have turned on the Republic.

The silence that settles over them feels uncomfortably tense.

He feels like he should say something but he doesn't know what.

Obi-Wan breaks the silence first again. "If you did all this for your children, then I'm sure you're well aware of the danger Sidious will be to them."

He hadn't had a reason to think about it until now.

But no, he doesn't want the Sith anywhere near his children. He will not let the Sith hurt them. But he doesn't want the Jedi having anything to do with how Luke and Leia are raised, either. He wants to raise them himself, to give the life he was never able to give Ahsoka.

"I – I never thought about that part of it," Anakin confesses, "I had to save them to know if there was something to worry about."

Obi-Wan's expression is hard, but he senses the hurt disbelief twisting inside his master right beneath the surface. He's not doing nearly as well as he pretends. Neither is Anakin. No one is. This destroyed them all, and Anakin really, genuinely doesn't know what to do about it.

Maybe there's not much he can do about it right now. He's good at fixing things – except the things that matter the most, it seems.

"I'm not going to let him find them. I won't let him know I'm here," Anakin says finally, voice barely above a whisper.

He – he has no idea what the right choice here is.

He still believes in the Empire, but he doesn't trust Sidious – even if he trusts the Jedi even less – but he can't just walk out on his family here. And he definitely doesn't want to endanger Luke and Leia. There's a chance that him staying with them is only going to make Sidious more likely to find them but... He'll worry about that possibility later. He doesn't want to think about it right now. About – any of this really.

The assurance that he's not going to try calling Sidious here seems to settle something in Obi-Wan's gaze, though Anakin doesn't think he trusts it's the truth.

Which is fair, even if it hurts.

Not like he trusts himself either anymore.

Obi-Wan stands, approaching him and setting another set of robes for him down a few feet away, on the bank.

Anakin has no idea where he pulled that from. Or maybe Padme had it on her ship.

"Feeling better?" Obi-Wan asks, eyeing him. His voice is still hard, but it's not a question he has a reason to ask if it... doesn't matter to him, right? Anakin's afraid to hope, though.

"Just tired," he supplies. Still doesn't want to move from the rocks, where he's half in the water.

"Rest then. There's plenty of time for that now."

Because they really don't have much else to do anymore, except take care of Luke and Leia.

It's all he'll have to do for now, though. This is what he hoped for when he thought about leaving the Order, even if he never imagined it would happen like this. Maybe – he'll try to be as content with it as he really could be for now.

Trying to function while he's stuck in binders is going to be... hard. But he thinks it's a bit too... early to ask if he can take them off. He is still a prisoner.

He tries not to think about how Padme hasn't objected to that – though, she's barely even seen him, so maybe that's why. She's not in a physical state to be doing much of anything yet but at least she's alive.

He's too resigned to argue about it right now, anyway. It's either this or he go back to being Sidious'... slave and he wants to be his family right now.

Anakin has no idea how they're going to keep moving from here – any of them – but they'll have to find a way.

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